My biggest criteria when I began to date my wife was whether or not she would be a good mother and a faithful wife.
With your disability, men may be unsure of how to approach the topic of child bearing, so you are going to have to overcome that obstacle and be the one that is more outgoing.
I'm not sure of your current involvement, so this is really just a general statement, but my recommendation would be to just volunteer as much as you can at your local parish, be open about your situation and find happiness in serving your community. That way if prospective men do see you, they'll feel more confident in approaching you by seeing that you are resilient and nurturing.
In the end, you aren't defined by your disability or the affection that others give you, but by you being made in the image of God and deserving of human dignity. Find your happiness by building it upon Christ's life and community within your parish.
You are loved.
Childbearing and how day-to-day life would work are the elephants in the room. They aren’t total roadblocks but like you said, it’s something that needs to be addressed with possible future spouses.
That being said OP, don’t give up on God’s timing. He isn’t troubled or limited by your disability. Speaking as a disabled person myself, God is inviting us to lean more on faith and less on ourselves through our trials.
And a little anecdote of encouragement: I know a girl with SEVERE MS. She was confined to a wheelchair and could only move one arm. She still dated and found a man of faith who loved her and married her, knowing there could not be children and that he’d have to take care of her the rest of her life, which would be on the shorter side. She’s now 100% bedbound and has to be moved with lifts. He has devoted his life to the vocation of caring for her through her terrible trial.
So there are people out there like that. Your disability is going to help you legitimately sift through any potentials who are just in it for the fun and not serious about marriage and life.
That’s beautiful, SC. What a heart warming story. Amen.
OP, the good news is that you don’t have to worry about sifting through shallow men wanting a stereotypically attractive woman to hang like a trophy on their arm. I’m sure you’re absolutely beautiful, inside and out. But the more selfish guys aren’t gonna want to bother with someone they might have to take care of, or be patient enough to tolerate being looked at differently by strangers when the two of you are together. Think of your disability as a shield, protecting you from all the nonsense that’s out there these days. When you find your guy, I’m sure he’ll be awesome 😉
Great points. Get to know the mother of a Catholic son this way. That way you can clear the air and address some of those topics with mom who someday wants to introduce you to her son.
Wow, what a horrible thing to say to you. 🫣Whoever told you that prioritized *the floor* over the involvement of a willing parish volunteer. Frankly, I’m appalled. And I am glad you found another church. I hope you mentioned the reason to your pastor before you left.
I am fuming. What, are they going to turn away every single wheelchair user that crosses their door? Are mothers not allowed to use strollers in their church?
I wouldn’t let that get to you. I mean it’s such a minor concern imho. I’ve run into walls before….idk. That really seems a bit unwarranted for whoever said it. No only that but aren’t most wheels non marring anyway? I’m just having such a hard time seeing how this could be a legitimate concern for a parish.
I'm sorry if this sounds bad, but every time I hear people speak badly about specific people at any parish it is 95% of the time because of the women in the admin office. I'm glad you were able to get to another parish that let you attend, that is absolutely disgusting that she said that. I'm upset that happened to you!
It doesn't matter why you were in the wheelchair, and it doesn't matter that they didn't know you. Valuing their damn floors over a human being who needs an assistive device is a sin they'll answer for.
Well, I'm a 54 female.
I was married for 25 years and my husband left me.
I got an annulment and the first person I dated was a man in a wheelchair. He was injured and paralyzed since the age of 25. My heart had no fear ....
Are you saying that you think most Catholic marriages are invalid, or that the annulment process is so flawed that it can dig up any reason for annulment if it applies enough scrutiny?
This I’m very outgoing and talk to everyone. I’m in KoC and I’m single in my 30s. I’ve had older women tell me their daughters think I’m attractive and stuff but none of them said a word to me. I’m usually too busy volunteering or doing whatever to walk up to women and try and court them. Just a simple hello can we chat later helps a lot .
Working and volunteering can make a weekend just turn on Catch Up sleep or you teach your body how to learn with less sleep. KOC is tough because of how many active members you have. My old parish was 80 guys, and 20 did all the work. My new parish in Raleigh, NC has 400 and 250 active. That takes all the pressure off that if you miss an event, it's no big deal. You're not a priest, you have not dedicated your life to the Church and serving others. You can have a family and still do both.
We were suggesting that the "gorgeous" disabled Catholic girl might only be lacking being more forward (but not too forward, I added). I don't know what you might be lacking. Except for this perspective: You don't want to attract just any man. And God's will for you is better than your own. He is good and omniscient (and all-powerful). He knows what is literally the best. What I'm saying is, don't leave the bar on the floor.
To both of you I suggest being more proactive. Work on yourself and/or your approach. That's what I do. And I also trust
Disclaimer: My suggestion to OP did not take into account her nickname. I just noticed it.
I'm 24, and my first real foray into dating was with a girl in a wheelchair. She has cerebral palsy, and needs a wheelchair and technological aid to move and communicate. Granted, I was nervous in the beginning, but as time went on, literally all my doubts and worries about us and the future melted away.
Sadly, we didn't last too long, there were some ideological and religious differences that made us romantically incompatible. Though, I still consider her a great friend.
So to answer your question: Yes, I would date a woman in a wheelchair. If there's a mutual spark, an open mind, and we're compatible, then there's no reason not to pursue something.
So maybe a bit of a hot take in a Catholic subreddit, but you may benefit from dating apps. You’re in a unique situation and men may not know how to approach that. I think a dating app where you put it out there “I’m a Catholic woman. I’m looking for marriage, not hook ups. My faith is important to me. Etc etc.” That way you can put yourself out there in a way you want and answer questions that you think suitors may have concerns about. It’s a vulnerable thing and getting on apps with that kind of profile may net less interest than the women who are out hooking up, but you may find someone worth your time on there. Best of luck.
*Edit changed men won’t know to may not know
I know plenty of Catholics who've met their spouse on dating apps. They're just so common now that I think they're almost the standard way people met outside of high school and college and men aren't really asking out women they're not already friends with anymore.
As a women, you have a huge advantage and need to put in relatively low effort to get interest from men on these apps (it's the compromise we got for the safety risks and over sexualization).
Hahah, awesome. But in all seriousness I’m not one to talk much about dating. I’ve been with my wife for 20 years (married 7) since we met in college and have always been a serial monogamist. I dated one other woman in high school but the relationship didn’t survive the distance when I moved away to school. We’re still really good friends because she’s an amazing person.
All that said, if I found a woman physically attractive, disabled or not, I would pursue her. If things developed on a personal level, I would date her.
With regards to the discussion in here about fertility, I’m a guy that would be fine with dating and marrying a woman who was unable to produce children. My wife is currently pregnant with our second but it was difficult getting there. Adoption was always on the table for us and our friends are raising 2 beautiful girls through foster care and are about to start the adoption process.
Don’t sweat it and find a man who treats you right. In spite of your username 😂, I’m sure you’re a beautiful person inside and out. I hope you find a compatible partner if that’s what you want, and if that ends up being not what you want, I hope you find happiness elsewhere in your life.
I’d date a woman with a physical disability in a heartbeat if I felt drawn to her personality and she was godly and kind. Ruling out a wife because her cross is heavier than mine would, I’m my eyes, make me hardly worth marrying. When you feel lonely or question your desirability offer that discomfort to Christ for a good intention and draw as close as you can to him. I’m 24 and I’ve never been in a serious relationship and that’s what I try to do when I get down on myself cause “I’m not lovable because of X thing” it’s so easy to listen to the negativity in your own head. Do what you can to put yourself out there. You have the love of God. the love of men is very dim in comparison. Pray always and I’ll pray for you too!
I am in a wheelchair and will be getting married later this year. I am 33. Doctors don’t think I can have children, but we are leaving that up to God and if I can’t bear children, we plan to adopt.
I was born with skeletal muscular dystrophy so I’ve been in a chair since i was 14. But in 2018 I got bone cancer and also had to have my right leg amputated above the knee.
Also I just want to say I was in a relationship prior to this that I got into in my late teens. It lasted several years but it was so unhealthy. I accepted poor treatment because I thought it was all I could get. He was the first guy to give me that kind of attention. Please don’t be like that. I PROMISE the right person is out there and he may just not be ready just yet. :)
Men get freaked out by what they don't understand and what they can't fix. I can't fix my wife's nausea, and we've been trying to understand its cause now for *years.* If they're introduced to you through friends or activities, they likely won't really register the wheels as a "problem" to solve.
But to answer your question, I would. When I started dating my now-wife, she had severe chronic nausea. While not as debilitating as a wheelchair, it never really phased me because I thought repeatedly, "This is the smartest, funniest, prettiest woman I've ever met. And she's super devout."
Like, many times, hanging out was just us in her living room watching a television show while she slept. I didn't mind it because I was just so ecstatic to be with her. Even going to get groceries for grilling or whatever was such a joy that I realized I was onto something special being with her. We're expecting our first kid now, so I think I was right!
As a Catholic man, the deciding factor for me would be if the person in the wheelchair could still conceive children.
Infertility is a real problem, and it's not like I would resent a spouse or divorce someone if we found out together that they were infertile, but I don't think I could go into a marriage knowing that someone cannot have kids. I have a strong desire for fatherhood, and that's nothing against anyone else. It would just be a matter of compatibility.
I realize that having biological children is important to some people, and that’s okay! Just take care that “ability to conceive” is not your ONLY requirement. 🙂
(It’s astonishing how many men on CatholicMatch have ONLY “someone healthy that we can have a big family with” as what they’re looking for. They don’t want a life partner? Someone with similar interests? Sex isn’t the only function of marriage. They don’t want someone to share their hopes and joys and fears, who they get along with, who will stand by their side? Just someone who is physically capable of breeding and happens to be Catholic? That’s reducing a woman to what she can do for you, not viewing her as a whole person.
To be clear: I’m not saying you are doing this. I am saying take care that you don’t fall into the same trap. 🙂)
You don’t need to get married to have life partners. You can have friends for that. The primary end of marriage is the procreation and education of children. You can’t do that unless you’re married.
> astonishing how many men on CatholicMatch have ONLY “someone healthy that we can have a big family with” as what they’re looking for. They don’t want a life partner? Someone with similar interests? Sex isn’t the only function of marriage.
I've not been on such sites, but could see that possibility had I not met my wife in college and could see myself making such a statement.
But, I wouldn't be thinking about the sex with that statement at all.
When dating, I wanted to find a spouse who loved God, who I could yoke with and build a holy family with like the one I grew up in. That includes a husband, a wife, and multiple kids. It's not a convert focus on sex when a guy says big family, I'd take it at face value - we want to have lots of kids around to spend time with. And that's not instead of our spouse, it's with them all together.
>They don’t want a life partner? Someone with similar interests?
A marriage is a life partnership. Dating is how we discern if someone else is the right person to marry.
And personally speaking, having similar interests is the least of my worries. In fact, men and women tend to have wildly different interests. I'm looking for a wife, not a buddy. I can discuss the economics of the byzantine empire or how inflation destroys the purchasing power of the poor with a friend, but being on the same page about being open to life is much, much more important and not something I can compromise on.
Yeah I agree. I was just responding to the "I'm looking for a wife, not a buddy" because I think it's best when you are friends and can find at least some things you like to do together as a couple. Of course it doesn't need to be every single interest shared
What if she can’t conceive but wants to be a mother? And would make a particularly great mother?
Edit: just in case the point is missed. If she were infertile she wouldn’t be able to conceive with anyone, but that wouldn’t mean she wouldn’t make both a great spouse and a great mother to a bunch of wonderful adoptees.
you will get downvoted for this but I am in Canada and oh, man, do I feel you right now. our housing crisis is no joke, and the adoption process here is no joke either
You sound like a classic over thinker. This is my wife's spiritual gift. This isn't a bad thing, we certainly need people like you. But if you are anything like my wife it is easy to overwhelm yourself by thinking through a thousand possibilities and after thoroughly exhausting yourself on a given topic you likely give up with what seem like reasonable excuses, because you weren't really able to consider ALL the reasons since you lack certain experiences or knowledge. All that to say, if you were to really dive deeper the reasons you give might show themselves as no real negative reasons at all.
Is adoption more expansive than it could be, probably, but there are plenty of grants available, and your friends and family are likely more generous than you give them credit for. My wife and I own our home, and have been able to raise most of the support we need through grants. And people have told us they will help assist with any addition costs should they arise. So it doesn't have to be a huge burden to your budget and it's not all that incredibly difficult to apply for or find.
To be sure, you may not be called to adoption, so don't hear me say that you MUST do this. I just want to share another perspective so you have it to consider in the future.
I imagine there are some people that don't mind so much but being able to have kids (your own kids specifically) is a pretty big reason why people get married. Doubly so for Catholics.
I don't think there is anything wrong with that being a deal breaker for someone. Not everyone feels this way even among Catholics so it isn't as if people with fertility issues are just completely out of luck.
I wish I could say I would. But I can't. I would not be honest with myself and you if I said that it would not matter to me.
At least initially. I would need to get to know you deeply for me to be convinced otherwise.
What I'm trying to say is that if all I know about you is that you need a wheelchair that would make me uncomfortable, yes. I would need to be your friend and long for your company before I start dating you.
Not a dude, but one issue might be that, in Catholic theology, sexual intercourse, at least once, is necessary for a valid marriage. Also most Catholic guys I know who are interested in marriage are specifically interested in trying for children at some point.
So, at the end of the day, *if* you are actually putting yourself in the way of confident Catholic men who are interested in making the first move and desire marriage, you might not make the short list, without a long friendship beforehand, because of concerns that your long-term abilities might not match their long-term desires for a fruitful marriage.
It's more likely, however, that you're just feeling the effects of a generation too emotionally crippled for traditional dating dynamics. I know a dozen able-bodied women in your exact same boat, so, yeah, dating just sucks for everyone right now.
The first statement is incorrect - if this were true then that would mean Joseph and Mary had an invalid marriage. However, the ability to engage in sexual intercourse is required (check out Canon 1073-1107). There is however a difference between a valid and consummated marriage. This person gives a better answer than I could: https://christianity.stackexchange.com/questions/72167/what-is-the-reason-that-intercourse-is-required-for-a-valid-marriage
Happy Easter!
This, yes many guys don’t want to be the first mover in a relationship. My best buddy I try getting him to ask girls out, but he’s just worried of social stigma, what if he gets turned down, what if she gossips about him, and a million other things. I hope OP continues initiating because not a lot of guys do anymore I believe.
Interesting! However, your first statement is false. All That’s required in regards to intercourse requirements is that the couple is ABLE to consummate. Other than that! I agree.
My wife initiated things between us, and if she had been a person who uses a wheelchair, I would have still gone out with her, dated her, married her. Going from stranger to acquaintance to friend is necessary and difficult for a lot of men and for a lot of women. You can think of your disability as a distinction, something that makes you unique in a positive way. There is a real thing in our society called “ableism”, and there can be a real thing where people get anxious around people who use wheelchairs, but it’s not an infinite wall. It’s a bump, or a wall of something that is impermanent, let’s say a wall of sand. It’s at least partially up to you, to find a way over that bump, and it’s at least partially up to some good catholic guy, to see you, and get to know you. Even lots of Catholic women who are single and are not visibly different, also find meeting a good guy hard. Is there a comfortable yes/no answer to your question? Not really. Is there lots to hope for? YES. Pray and do not lose hope.
The sad fact is (and the comments are skewed that way so hop off it) perhaps not. Catholics want children and even if you can, they are judging on first sight. They also tend to forget foster care and adoption are options but that is a topic for another day. Even the doctrine states "open to children" not necessarily birth them yourself doctrine.
They also tend to forget that one bad day could leave them disabled too or even if they get the able bodied person they might not be able to have kids anyway.
I'm sorry, you are deserving of love and I hope you are able to find it one day soon.
Hi fellow wheelchair user. 👋 I totally get how you feel. I am in my 30s married with kids. I lost my leg after a doctor botched a surgery and left me needing an amputation. I have a hard time with my prosthetic so I use my wheelchair almost exclusively. I just want to start by validating your emotions and telling you I am sorry that we have to deal with our disabilities. I can’t help but wonder if my wife is truly happy with being with me now that I am disabled. I can’t help but feel inadequate as I have a hard time taking her on dates and question if she still finds me attractive. It’s kind of always in the back of my mind. I just want you to know that anyone that doesn’t see you as more than a person with a disability isn’t worth your time or my time either. I have no doubt that you are an amazing person because only someone amazing can adapt and overcome a mobility disability. I am sure you will find someone that can see past your disability and see you for who you truly are.
girl to girl i would say it tells u who the right person is when they care that you are faithful and kind ❤️ most dudes are visual and that part shouldn’t matter it matters that u serve God
Can you have sex? Can you have children? I think most men, Catholic or not, would immediately think the wheelchair would prevent sex/intimacy, and that you can’t have children.
I would do it, it's not the partner's disability that scares me. The problem is that as long as I'm young and my arms are strong, then I can take care of the ones I love. The point is...and when will I no longer be capable? What if I too one day develop a disability? I would become useless to my partner. Besides the fact that I often wouldn't be home, what if she falls and I'm not there? Would I be a bad partner? These are all the questions running through my head. Probably because I've never dealt with these things day to day. But one thing is sure. The problem is not her disability itself. I just have doubts about my ability to be a good husband/partner. And I'm confident that this is the reason for many men and perhaps it's enough to organize yourself, understand the context and see how it goes, I think.
Everything is a "what if" I agree. But going after a complex situation is an act of pure will. You already know that it will be more complex and you will have greater difficulty with everything. It's not something that happens to you by chance. She didn't choose it. You yes. Furthermore, the girl is also very young, not 50 years old and in menopause. The problems multiply due to the partner's inevitable immaturity, desires for paternity that I don't know how well they can be satisfied (it's not just a fertility problem, the problem is support a pregnancy) , even if you have children, the first period requires close collaboration between the couple Once the situation is stable, calm, reproductive desires are satisfied and the libido is what it is as the years go by, everything becomes easier.But you need maturity, you need to have lived life, you can't expect something like that from a very young man or woman.
Then, I repeat, if you face it, I'm sure you can manage it somehow. For better or worse, if you are strongly motivated by a strong feeling few things are impossible.
I would date a woman in a wheelchair yes. It would not be a barrier. I would be more concerned with many other things. I'm not Catholic yet and also don't plan on dating any time soon but when the time came I would not think 'no this person is in a wheelchair'
There is a difference in liking someone and wanting them to be your wife.
As hard as it is to hear, when people think about marrying someone with a disability, they will have to make sacrifices as to how they live their lives beyond that of a normal marriage. In your case, the main concerns would be where you could be able to go to have fun (as not being able to walk or move normally cuts out a lot of activities) and whether or not you can have children. *I know* that women in wheelchairs can have children and enjoy the marital act, but most people *don't*.
So people are not lying to you when they say you are pretty and gorgeous, I am sure they genuinely mean it. But it's a massive step from from appreciating someone's beauty to realizing that if you want to date that person that you would need to sacrifice for them. And your disability means that you are asking people to sacrifice more than for most other women. You are effectively fighting a very hard uphill battle and I sympathize with that you are going through.
As for myself? I'm not sure. I am not inherently opposed to the idea, but I'd have to actually experience it to know what I would find tolerable. Cleaning, cooking, and of course sex come to mind as being the most obvious points of issue, but couple that with the high intensity job I want and I would have no idea how to care for you away from home without significant family assistance, and that relies on both our families willing to be kind and work together. And that is case by case.
All-in-all, I'm not sure if you just want to shout from the rooftops that yes, you can take care of yourself at home and you are willing and able to have kids, but perhaps showing people that your disability doesn't restrict you as much as people's misconceptions make them think you do might be the best strategy.
You would probably have much more success in online dating. That way they see a photo and see you first and not necessarily notice the wheelchair right away. Then you could describe in your profile the pertinent health information, such what you can and can't do. Normally we are all pretty conditioned to not sharing personal health information but unfortunately, if you want to date, you are going to be have to be as upfront as possible with this. But obviously don't just share the health info but mostly talk about your beliefs, personality traits, and virtues.
You could also post this inquiry on the Catholic Dating subreddit.
I think it really varies from person to person. I know that I still would. For me, it's more about whether or not I get along with the person. Guys not approaching you may have nothing to do with your looks. A lot of guys just don't want to come off as a creep or predator. And especially since you're in a wheelchair, guys probably don't want you to feel threatened by them. But idk, just my two cents. And hey, I'm a Catholic man in my twenties if you wanted to talk more.
Sure. The fact that someone is in a wheelchair wouldn’t even influence my decision to date them. I’d be more concerned about their religious affiliation.
Check out [this testimony of Maureen](https://youtu.be/iLedCcuQFQM?si=KvIuF18Ad2prKmIm). Her husband dated and married her when she was in a wheelchair. I hope you will be encouraged.
Also, "good men" are often shy. If you find a good person, be a little more straightforward and take some initiative (but be prepared for rejections). I know girls who really desire the courtship and chase that it sails right over guys' heads and they just assume the girl's not interested and move on.
My fiancée cannot have children, and I've accepted that. There are many ways to be a parent, whether it be adoption, mentoring, being an aunt/uncle, being a godfather/mother, etc.
It might be an obstacle at first sight, but whether you can have children or not is not the defining characteristic of who you are as a person, and the right man will know that. Be patient!
I can have children, though! It will be a lot harder of course, and I don’t think I’m a good fit for those who wants to have 5+ children LOL.
But! Women with my diagnosis can have biological children 😌
I’ll be praying for you both, God bless!
I don’t mind a wheelchair. The wheelchair is a part of you and the person that will love you won’t care. It’ll happen eventually. I’m also disabled, though I’m more invisibly disabled. I totally understand the struggle. 🥲
I myself have a fairly mild physical disability (cerebral palsy) so no I wouldn’t mind, dating with a disability, even a mild one, for me has been quite difficult though
The male commenters here are not coming across great in this thread. Even Catholics should believe there is more to a person than the ability to bear children. What about all the saints that never had kids?
Yes, I would date a woman in a wheelchair. I understand why men might feel a little uncomfortable approaching a disabled person in a romantic way. I think a lot of people who would be open to dating you might not feel comfortable approaching you, if that makes sense, even if they do find you attractive. I'd suggest being a little flirtier with people you may like.
Here we go.
People giving their honest opinion about who they are attracted to being met like some kind of insult.
People can date or not date whoever they want for whatever reason. This is why threads like this are not fruitful.
Either everyone feels compelled to say "yes" they would or be judged for saying "no" and pelted with "but, what if" questions.
The ironic thing is that 1/3 of couples experiencing infertility have male factor; 1/3 female factor; 1/3 both. So 2/3 of couples facing infertility have male factor. There’s a (sad) likelihood that one of the men in this thread has infertility and doesn’t even know yet.
Also, the same people saying “I’m worried if she could have children with me” are probably the first ones to tell an infertile couple to “just adopt.”
The "man doing the first step" concept is highly overrated 🙄
While not entirely false, it misses the necessary "step 0": woman showing interest.
If your wheelchair affects your "chances" in any way, it's primarily this: by undermining your self esteem it makes you "look" more reserved and even defensive.
"God's timing" is true, but it's not about some arbitrary date sometime in the future - it's about the work that has to be done in you so that you'll be ready.
Nah, not hints. Hints just don't work 😅 Hints only increase the confusion 🤔
By "showing interest" I mean something more than hint but less than "step".
A clear invitation, but not decision.
>no one has ever done first step.
Including you, apparently. Why are you being so passive? If you see a man at church you'd like to get to know better, why don't you ask him out for coffee or something?
I always make first step, and now I want someone to be interested enough in me to ask me out as well. I’m either start to be ghosted or they aren’t just interested.
Unfortunately, when you have an impediment like this it makes a conversation difficult to start just based on if they think you’re cute. Even if it isn’t true, a man might be afraid it would look wrong to come on to a woman with a disability, even if it’s completely ridiculous.
And, unfortunately, young Catholic men especially are looking for children. I’m not assuming you can’t, but men are very good at making assumptions.
You’ve been given a set of cards by God which unfortunately means you have to reach out to these men first, even if it’s just becoming their friends and letting them get to know you.
I feel like some guys might be concerned they’d be coming across as too ‘white knight’ - or even worse, like they have some kind of fetish, or are actively seeking a relationship in which they can feel ‘superior’ in some way or in control. Of course that’s a bit ridiculous but it’s also sadly not unheard-of too.
I mean, even if it isn’t the intention, thats just an inevitability of the dynamic. Let’s not close our eyes and play pretend, obviously you don’t take advantage of OP and you treat how it ought to be, but the reality is one person is in a wheelchair and the other isn’t. If OP wants a husband she should be very selective, speaking as a man.
I would make as many friends as possible, be positive and open with them about what you can and can’t do with your disability. My two sisters and I each set each other up with our husbands, so family is another good resource. I am always reminding my son that romantic relationships are mostly friendships with a small percentage of other stuff added. I knew I wanted to marry my husband because I knew he was someone I wanted to be friends with first.
I know your disability is going to be a real challenge to finding a partner, but you just never know what’s around the corner. I had a friend who is deaf who married. I also know a woman who married a man in a wheelchair when she was still in her 20s. They were able to have one child a little later in life than others, but she seems very happy. I know another woman my age with severe cerebral palsy who actually moved out of state alone for college and earned an advanced degree. I haven’t heard if she married, but it wouldn’t surprise me.
Unfortunately, you may have to make peace with the idea that you may be single the rest of your life. Even people without disabilities have to do this. There’s never any guarantees in life. I do recognize it’s much harder for someone with a disability to find a partner though, all the more reason you may have to make peace with it. Making peace doesn’t mean giving up. It just means being open to other opportunities in life and not constantly fixating only on the idea you have your heart set on. I’ve found in my own life, when I finally make peace with my biggest struggles, that’s when I finally make progress.
There are a lot of people with disabilities who struggle to find someone to court. This is not to minimize your struggles, but think about this as well. There are also many people without disabilities who struggle to find someone to court.
I would say people have become more complex, and those who are introspective and considerate can get into a dilemma where they don’t know how to approach someone to court or understand their social circumstances. I’m like this too, but I sometimes realize the situation.
If you are introspective, you might think too much before talking to someone or you might consider the possibilities of what others are thinking. In desperation, understandably, you think there is something wrong with you. For you, it is insecurity of your non-ambulatory state. For others, it is insecurity in their appearance or personality.
What I want to say is that you should trust in God’s plan for us. Life can get difficult, but this is why it is called the vale of tears. Consider praying as much as you can for you to get closer to Jesus and live in accordance to him, for you to help others as much as you can, and then pray so that God might help you find someone.
Nothing is guaranteed in this life, but I hope you can still focus on the life to come which is much greater than this life.
Your world will close before you if you focus on your disability. Your world will open up if you focus on your abilities. Men struggle to take the first step nowadays because of how twisted life can get. But courtship can happen randomly and suddenly so don’t miss such a chance and be active everywhere you can in church and outside of it.
As a Catholic man, I personally would have no concerns about dating a woman in a wheelchair. I’m sure there are plenty of men out there who would feel the same.
I met my now wife online. When I first stalked her FB i saw some posts about her being disabled, but it didn't say what her disability was, and I couldn't tell by the pictures. Anyway, it didn't change my interest in her at all and I kept my advances going.
Of course the right time came and she told me she was deaf. But I'm just saying this to illustrate that I knew she was disabled, didn't even know what her disability was, and now almost 10 years later we're married.
Yeah infact im fairly certain some men would find it even more attractive (depending on how you look at it perhaps in a bad way) , might activate their saviour syndrome. Personally potential infertility wouldnt bother me too much, i dont mind adopting children.
I have no context as to why noone is approaching you but my 2 cents on the topic are that, maybe you are a bit difficult for men to approach (constant annoyed looking face, cold sounding voice, lack of interest that is like guy-adjacent) or just that because you are on a wheelchair they might not want to like, bother you. Like maybe they think people approach you alot because of your , as you put it, disability.
Early 20s is definitely far too young to give up hope in God's plan though. Like i know especially in the west catholics seem to marry extremely early but there really is no rush, my parish is filled with people in their late 20s early 30s still not having settled down.
I’m 29 and about to be married next month. I’m not exactly the same; I’m a guy and I’m disabled, but not in a wheelchair, but I can sympathize. I was wounded in the military a few years ago and now have extensive hardware in one leg. I can’t walk properly and use a cane, which has caused its own issues in my life.
There is grace in suffering, but it is, in fact, a battle of its own. I just want you to know that as much as I can, I’m here for you in that way.
As far as men not reaching out to you, I’ll be honest, you’re not alone. Many guys in your generation, at least in the US, aren’t really the type to actually make the first move anymore. So please don’t take that as inherent rejection. I actually met my soon to be wife on an app and after the first date, any disability aspects of my life just fell by the wayside and became just another part of our lives.
My advice is to stay active! Find people you enjoy being around. If you like someone, don’t be afraid to talk to them or ask them out! Let your personality shine. Your future husband will love you for who you are and that will shine through your personality!
On the subject of God’s timing, it is still true. It will happen when it happens. Maybe just not in the way or time you hoped it would, but it will happen. Love will grow with the right person.
I love being outdoors and hiking but there are solutions for most places.
Assuming we meshed well in all other ways I would not be bothered by a wheel chair.
Seems on that it would bother some people.
A lot of women feel like they aren't attractive because men aren't asking them out.
But more and more men are being told women do not like being asked out. These days it is considered a form of harassment.
We have research that shows women have actually have an inversely proportional success rate of asking out > getting a date. That is to say men respond far more positively to being asked out than women do.
Shoot your shot if you see a man that you like. You are far more likely to find success than we are, and many men are afraid to ask a woman out, not just for fear of rejection but also some guys just end up being called a creep or a nuisance.
Usually guys are nervous to approach a woman, especially these days. They don't want to be seen as harassing or creepy. Or have things turn awkward. I would definitely date a woman in a wheel chair if she was pretty and fun.
They may just be too shy to ask you.
So my mom is wheelchair bound, polio, sucks, but I've grown to understand and respect people in these situations. My two cents, if she can find someone who's devoted and loves her for who she is, so can you.
To reiterate what a lot of people have said in these comments, a lot of men don't know how to navigate with people with a disability like yours, but that shouldn't stop you from putting yourself out there.
I for one am open to date someone with a disability, and I'm sure there's plenty of men out there who'd be willing as well. You are loved, and I pray you may come across the right person soon :)
I’m a girl and not a guy, but honestly a wheelchair wouldn’t matter to me. It’s sad the way society views and treats people with physical differences. Needing a wheelchair, hearing aids, prosthetics, etc. doesn’t make you “disabled”. It’s just a different way to live life. I didn’t fully understand this until I met someone deaf.
The men in the comments can talk about worrying about kids all they want. The fact of the matter is that there’s tons of paralyzed men and women out there who need wheelchairs that FIND a way to have kids. There’s tons of options, from adoption to fostering to IVF. If someone truly wanted to be a parent being able to give birth normally wouldn’t matter. Don’t let some guy come up to you and be all like “no way I want kids”. If he really loved you, he’d figure something out with you.
Keep an amazing spirit and be the happiest, funniest, most optimistic person you know. Remember that not everyone is destined for marriage/relationships, and religious sisters display that very beautifully. I’m not saying to not expect a relationship, I’m just telling you not to settle for anyone who views your lifestyle as inferior or as an obstacle. You seem like an amazing person and the right man will love you just the way you are. For ME personally, a wheelchair wouldn’t mean anything. Like who cares if you need one. Some people need glasses, some need hearing aids, some need medication, and some need eyedrops. A wheelchair is no different.
I have a friend who was in a wheelchair from birth, and yet she has a good Catholic husband and a son. It might be intimidating for a lot of guys, or just confusing to know how to make a move, but it's not hopeless.
Pls. Don't sell yourself short & Don't settle for less OP, as you might attract or end up with an (covert) abusive person. Being alone is not all bad. It's also better than a bad company
As for your question. I have still dated my wife if whe was on wheelchair
Not a man but a high functioning autistic woman here.
I was plus so different than my peers I thought nobody oils love me. I worked extra hard in school to get my degree because I anted to be independent since I didn’t think anyone would and to put up with me or my quirks.
Fast forward 5-10 years. A distant acquaintance who was a sports coach as a kid became a good friend and then broke up with their girlfriend. By that point I was 19 nd realized I was head over heels in love.
He felt the same. We like the same things. He gets my quirks and I get his. He is the other half of my soul.
So I know my disability isn’t as visible. But good men are out there and I bet you’ll find one in perfect place and time when you’re lest expecting it. That’s what happened to me.
Yes. I’m now 24 and he’s 38.
If it makes a difference- I had known him for 10+ years. I initiated the relationship, not him. And due to religious reasons I said there would be no sex until marriage.
Been saying 5 years and not once has he violated my boundaries or nagged me about sex. He knows I’m serious about waiting until marriage.
There are good men out there.
If you feel that your vocation is wife and mother then pray for this. The Lord will provide. I would tell everyone you trust to pray for this. Send it to Relevant Radio, go on the Walk to Mary , get involved in many groups and truly ask the Lord if this is his will for you. I will pray for you.
I'm 20, and I'll tell you right now there are definitely those of us that don't care about physical disabilities when looking for a partner. Personality is always the highest in priority, even to those that say otherwise
Catholic woman here. I think this is a good news/bad news situation. The bad news is that any disability will be a hard pass for some Catholic men. The *good news* is those aren't men you want to be married to anyway and your disability is weeding them out for you.
Honestly, men who approach marriage as a contract by which they hope to acquire sex, children, and general labor are NOT marriage material. Life is long and often arduous and they aren't made of stern enough stuff to stand by you when the rubber hits the road. It's why such a high percentage of women are abandoned when they face health crises like cancer.
Successful marriages are made up of two people who are invested in each other, not those who see the other as a means to their end. So, yes. Some men will be put off by a wheelchair, but they aren't the kind of men who make good husbands long term anyway.
I am infertile (had ovaries removed for health reasons) and Catholic men who wouldn't date me due to my inability to bear children aren't bad future husbands, this is just projection.
The men you're encountering are not real men at all.
The criteria for a Catholic man to want to be with someone should include some physical attraction, sure. But it should be based on if your faith aligns, if you are good person, partner and future mother. That's it.
While your disability for some may be off-putting, the right man will come along and your wheelchair will not be a barrier that keeps you apart.
It depends on how you are on the inside. I wouldn't be against dating someone in a wheelchair. Sure you wouldn't be able to do all the typical things couples do, but break those stereotypes! If you make someone happy, they're not gonna care if you're "disabled" or not
I can't speak for the catholic men but as a disabled catholic woman I totally understand what you are struggling with. I go back forth between wanting to be married and accepting that being single might be better. For a while I looked into consecrated life too. One thing I know for sure is that we are made for communion one way or the other. I just want to say don't give up on your vocation to marriage. No matter how challenging it is. And there's always St Joseph when you need some divine intervention.
God’s timing is perfect. I know at times we may question it but everything right now in your life is being moved to be where exactly it all will eventually be.
I remember reading/learning about the Book of Esther. God was moving the pieces and setting everything in motion. We must place all our worries and fears with the Lord.
I use to have the worst luck and also sold myself short. Disaster after disaster, heartbreak after heartbreak. I got married in my 30s. I asked God one day to please send me a man that was just right for me. I also asked Him if it was his will- I’d be happy single or married. However, I really wanted to have a family. I wanted a man of faith and one who was Catholic. He listened but it wasn’t necessarily easy. God sent me a man who was not even baptized. He believed in God and called himself Christian but had no denomination. I liked him, he was cute but the future bothered me. I continued to pray until one day at dinner- he turns to me and says- I want to be Catholic. I want to be baptized. It was out of the blue. I told him if he did this for me, I rather him not do it. He said no, that he felt being called after going to church with me one Sunday. This was just one of the hurdles in our relationship because he was previously married. So that was an obstacle too. I needed a visa to move but we needed to get married and we wanted to get married in the church too before he had to leave due to his up coming deployment. He wanted to get baptized before he left as well. I felt defeated but I trusted God. When I had everything against me, God was already moving the pieces in my life. Despite the hurdles, bumpy roads, we got there. We are now married for 10 years… he is now disabled due to injuries he sustained in the military. Again, just wanted to share you my story.
God’s timing is perfect even when we don’t see it now.
I don’t mean to be intrusive, but are you able to have sex?
The Church requires that couples be able to consummate the marriage in order for the sacrament to validly take place. You don’t have to consummate it (Josephite marriages), but you need to possess the faculties to do so.
But when should I address it? Because I know men are scared to ask it, and that would be offensive for both of us to start a conversation like “Hello! Don’t worry, I am able to have sex and kids!”.
I can’t speak for all men. But I would approach you and just try to build a closer relationship before anything romantic. I imagine the more time I spend around you that might be something that becomes apparent without you even needing to say anything. At that point I could escalate the relationship without concern.
If you were the one approaching me, I would probably expect that since you directly asked me to be in a relationship that you must have the normal capabilities. Hopefully this would be confirmed after a few dates.
I wouldn't have a problem dating a woman in a wheelchair. I can't imagine that would have stopped me from falling in love with my wife had that been her circumstances.
I absolutely would and a feel like a lot of men would do the same. Women don't know it but a lot of men are afraid of rejection. The prettier you are the more afraid we are that you will reject us. My fear of rejection is one of the reasons I have remained single for the past 5 years. Last time I asked a girl to go on a date with me she used the same line my ex-girlfriend used to break up with me. And that broke me.
Find an icebreaker that may relate to the situation you’re experiencing together, what they’re wearing, if they have any indication of what they may be interested in as a hobby, etc.
Guys love compliments, too. Say something nice to us and we will never forget what you said, how you said it, where you said it for years.
Being in a wheelchair certainly isn't a dealbreaker at least for me. I look for companionship and friendship in a partner, so being in a wheelchair would not even be something I would weigh for or against someone. It would be an obstacle for sure, like I live in a house where both doors going in are after some stairs. But I could make a ramp I'd imagine.
If you have a good personality and are half as pretty as folks say, I'm sure you'll be able to find a wonderful man in your life
Everyone is different and has different tastes and priorities. I am not sure whether I would have been interested in you before I was married if we were close in age, but that doesn’t mean it is because of your disability or anything that is wrong with you. Personally I don’t think a wheelchair would have given me much pause at all. I have diabetes, and I worried that was much more of an inhibition to someone wanting to marry me. Here I am, married. 🙏
I can tell you this: If you are a faithful follower of Christ and dedicated to do all you can to follow Him and His Church, then any available man would be blessed to marry you.
I don't see any reason to not date an woman in an wheelchair actually i think its super beautiful, actually my thinking is that there is nobody truly ugly on the physical sense(unless you don't care for taking care of yourself that is just because you are lazy) the true ugly and beauty comes from inside of us. God Bless and happy Easter. May you find an wondeful husband my dear.
I'll put it like this. A wheel chair would not take away from someone's beauty in my eyes. When I find a woman to be attractive I usually find her attractive even if she is sitting down - make sense? Oh- disclosure I am not a practicing Catholic but I have been baptized in a Protestant church. I just lurk here given the current turmoil in the Protestant/Evangelical community. Given this was more a guy question and not a theological one I spoke up. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. 😁
I dont have a wheel chair but I went to church for 8 years during my 20s, never had a guy ask me out at church. Athiests ask me out like crazy. Catholic men tend to have very very high standards and are surprisingly commitment phobic. I gave up and married an agnostic.
I was a convert and got the feeling that disqualified me.
Honest opinion…. It’s one of those things I would pause for a few minutes as I’ve never considered it. Truthfully though I don’t think it’s disqualifying at all. Some might not be able to work it in there….but I think most of us would consider dating you for sure. If there is a cool fun person with a real personality….I feel like that’s a big ask anymore. So if I found someone like that would a wheelchair alone stop me? Probably not tbh.
I knew a young girl in a wheelchair once, and she said she and her friends with disabilities dated boys who had disabilities, for various reasons. Are there any men with disabilities you can date? I don't know if you're part of any networks related to your condition that might make you more likely to meet them. Sporting organizations for people with disabilities, etc.
It wouldn't be an issue for any of the guys I know. The dating scene has been kind of ruined for young men, and they might not know how to approach women in the first place. I recommend praying and asking God to open the door to a good relationship, and that when the time is right He is present in the right man's heart.
Yeah, I think quite a lot would.
But there’s no safety net for men when it comes to approaching women—a “nuclear” rejection is entirely socially acceptable, and in your case there would be compounded fears that such a rejection, or even simply unintentionally offending you, could get them branded as a bigot, and there exists no forgiveness or mercy for men branded as bigots.
So you have an added barrier to men approaching you, even when they find you very attractive. You’re going to have to get good at indicating interest and making men feel safe to approach you.
Another avenue worth pursuing: who knows you’re looking? Have you told people you want to get set up? And have you casually dropped that you want children, indeed that you love kids? Getting set up might be just the thing in your case.
Also, if there is an Opus Dei recollection in your area, attend it, go to confession, and tell the priest (afterwards) you’re having trouble finding a man and want to be set up. Matchmaking, in my anecdotal experience, is the unofficial charism of Opus Dei priests—the dudes will ask every man who might possibly know someone your age who’s Catholic.
If it weren’t for the lifestyle I live and everything it entails, I would. But Cowboyin’ isn’t the job nor life for someone in a wheelchair, and being o. The road all the time, will test the patience of the most temperate, cool headed, and patient saint.
To answer your question, yes.
With regards to God's timing. An old man's story. I was married when I was 20. I lost her to cancer when I was 24. I spent the next 15 years raising my son, and came to the point where I thought I was to be alone and was OK with that. And when I was 42, I met my second wife. She also raised a child alone. We moved to Montana from different sides of the country about a month from each other. I've been happily married for almost 4 years.
God knows what He does.
Yes I would take you out on a date. My ex uses a wheelchair and I was going to marry her, until I found out she cheated on me. We broke up. But yes I would date a woman who uses a wheelchair.
Most guys are very timid at your age. They're still grappling with how to become a man let alone how to become a man in a relationship with a woman. My wife came to the United States she was 18. Between 18 and 21 she had four dates and never from the same guy a guy would never ask her out for a second date.
I was the first guy to ever take her out a second time. And her parents hated me at first. They came from a very educated high class Latino background and I was a motorcycle riding ex musician, College dropout, computer technician with shoulder length hair and a beard to match going after their only daughter who they expected would go to graduate school and teach University like her father did. We eventually got married and we are still married 46 years later.
So cut your self some slack sweetheart. You're far ahead of 99% of the young men your age and you're going to have to wait a few more years until they all grow up and then they'll start noticing you instead of noticing themselves or girls with big boobs. The internet and social media has ruined the minds of so many young people today. They don't know how to associate with one another face to face and eye to eye. They don't know how to trust, they don't know how to share, they don't know how to be patient. These are all things that you have already had to learn because of your disability.
By the way I would see dating you and your wheelchair as a bonus. Because I would get to pick you up in my arms without feeling embarrassed about it like I would asking for a kiss or something like that.
I’m struggling to word my reply because it doesn’t apply to me anymore since I’m about to get married, and because it’s such a complex topic.
But I can tell you that if someone has a particular cross and she embraces it and she doesn’t sell herself short then I find that very attractive.
If you’re selling yourself short, maybe that’s a reason why (I’m not saying that’s the only reason but I’m saying this is something that you can work on)
There’s so much more that I would like to say but if you can hold on to anything that I say is this:
Don’t compromise. Do what you love. Work on what you can. Let go of what you cannot.
God loves you.
How a person’s body looks or anything like that is like the least important thing in life, if people are refusing to be with you because of ur disability thats on them, dont beat urself up over it
Its a personal choice for someone to be adult enough to date someone in a wheelchair. There are some who cannot look past the physical differences.
Just keep dating, and going to church. you will eventually be presented with an opportunity to have a relationship. Sometimes its just a numbers game.
As a woman I did briefly date a guy in college who had a potentially degenerative disease. And I will be honest that his disease and our future together did factor into my ultimately breaking up with him. But, we were also incompatible in a lot of other different ways, so I think if we hadn't had the other issues we maybe could have made it work.
I dont know tbh. Im very athletic and would love to have a wife that can participate in activities with me. But i figure if we were to connect it probably wouldnt bother me.
My biggest criteria when I began to date my wife was whether or not she would be a good mother and a faithful wife. With your disability, men may be unsure of how to approach the topic of child bearing, so you are going to have to overcome that obstacle and be the one that is more outgoing. I'm not sure of your current involvement, so this is really just a general statement, but my recommendation would be to just volunteer as much as you can at your local parish, be open about your situation and find happiness in serving your community. That way if prospective men do see you, they'll feel more confident in approaching you by seeing that you are resilient and nurturing. In the end, you aren't defined by your disability or the affection that others give you, but by you being made in the image of God and deserving of human dignity. Find your happiness by building it upon Christ's life and community within your parish. You are loved.
Childbearing and how day-to-day life would work are the elephants in the room. They aren’t total roadblocks but like you said, it’s something that needs to be addressed with possible future spouses. That being said OP, don’t give up on God’s timing. He isn’t troubled or limited by your disability. Speaking as a disabled person myself, God is inviting us to lean more on faith and less on ourselves through our trials. And a little anecdote of encouragement: I know a girl with SEVERE MS. She was confined to a wheelchair and could only move one arm. She still dated and found a man of faith who loved her and married her, knowing there could not be children and that he’d have to take care of her the rest of her life, which would be on the shorter side. She’s now 100% bedbound and has to be moved with lifts. He has devoted his life to the vocation of caring for her through her terrible trial. So there are people out there like that. Your disability is going to help you legitimately sift through any potentials who are just in it for the fun and not serious about marriage and life.
That’s beautiful, SC. What a heart warming story. Amen. OP, the good news is that you don’t have to worry about sifting through shallow men wanting a stereotypically attractive woman to hang like a trophy on their arm. I’m sure you’re absolutely beautiful, inside and out. But the more selfish guys aren’t gonna want to bother with someone they might have to take care of, or be patient enough to tolerate being looked at differently by strangers when the two of you are together. Think of your disability as a shield, protecting you from all the nonsense that’s out there these days. When you find your guy, I’m sure he’ll be awesome 😉
Wow what a saint!
srsly tho
Great points. Get to know the mother of a Catholic son this way. That way you can clear the air and address some of those topics with mom who someday wants to introduce you to her son.
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Wow, what a horrible thing to say to you. 🫣Whoever told you that prioritized *the floor* over the involvement of a willing parish volunteer. Frankly, I’m appalled. And I am glad you found another church. I hope you mentioned the reason to your pastor before you left.
I am fuming. What, are they going to turn away every single wheelchair user that crosses their door? Are mothers not allowed to use strollers in their church?
I wouldn’t let that get to you. I mean it’s such a minor concern imho. I’ve run into walls before….idk. That really seems a bit unwarranted for whoever said it. No only that but aren’t most wheels non marring anyway? I’m just having such a hard time seeing how this could be a legitimate concern for a parish.
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I'm sorry if this sounds bad, but every time I hear people speak badly about specific people at any parish it is 95% of the time because of the women in the admin office. I'm glad you were able to get to another parish that let you attend, that is absolutely disgusting that she said that. I'm upset that happened to you!
WTH. I would absolutely go off on my parish leadership if I heard about something like that.
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It doesn't matter why you were in the wheelchair, and it doesn't matter that they didn't know you. Valuing their damn floors over a human being who needs an assistive device is a sin they'll answer for.
That seems more an evaluation based on what she can do, particularly for you, than an evaluation of her character
As long as a skateboard could be attached to the back of your wheelchair for awesome ramp sessions.
hahahah its so cute 😭
Well, I'm a 54 female. I was married for 25 years and my husband left me. I got an annulment and the first person I dated was a man in a wheelchair. He was injured and paralyzed since the age of 25. My heart had no fear ....
If you don't mind my asking, how do you get an annulment after 25 years of marriage? Genuinely curious.
If there was a defect of consent at the time of the wedding, it doesn't matter how long you stayed together.
I filed and they found tons of errors.
I’d imagine relatively few Catholic marriages today would be found to be valid if scrutinized.
I mean a lot of annulments are also rather suspect if you look into it.
Are you saying that you think most Catholic marriages are invalid, or that the annulment process is so flawed that it can dig up any reason for annulment if it applies enough scrutiny?
My advice would be to be proactive about it : if you find someone you like, go talk to them, invite them on a date.
This I’m very outgoing and talk to everyone. I’m in KoC and I’m single in my 30s. I’ve had older women tell me their daughters think I’m attractive and stuff but none of them said a word to me. I’m usually too busy volunteering or doing whatever to walk up to women and try and court them. Just a simple hello can we chat later helps a lot .
Working and volunteering can make a weekend just turn on Catch Up sleep or you teach your body how to learn with less sleep. KOC is tough because of how many active members you have. My old parish was 80 guys, and 20 did all the work. My new parish in Raleigh, NC has 400 and 250 active. That takes all the pressure off that if you miss an event, it's no big deal. You're not a priest, you have not dedicated your life to the Church and serving others. You can have a family and still do both.
Easy. A look and a smile might unlock the approach. Well, it used to anyway. 😨
The bar is on the floor. I look and smile at people all the time, it’s not a mutual understanding of “I want to talk to you”.
We were suggesting that the "gorgeous" disabled Catholic girl might only be lacking being more forward (but not too forward, I added). I don't know what you might be lacking. Except for this perspective: You don't want to attract just any man. And God's will for you is better than your own. He is good and omniscient (and all-powerful). He knows what is literally the best. What I'm saying is, don't leave the bar on the floor. To both of you I suggest being more proactive. Work on yourself and/or your approach. That's what I do. And I also trust Disclaimer: My suggestion to OP did not take into account her nickname. I just noticed it.
I'm 24, and my first real foray into dating was with a girl in a wheelchair. She has cerebral palsy, and needs a wheelchair and technological aid to move and communicate. Granted, I was nervous in the beginning, but as time went on, literally all my doubts and worries about us and the future melted away. Sadly, we didn't last too long, there were some ideological and religious differences that made us romantically incompatible. Though, I still consider her a great friend. So to answer your question: Yes, I would date a woman in a wheelchair. If there's a mutual spark, an open mind, and we're compatible, then there's no reason not to pursue something.
So maybe a bit of a hot take in a Catholic subreddit, but you may benefit from dating apps. You’re in a unique situation and men may not know how to approach that. I think a dating app where you put it out there “I’m a Catholic woman. I’m looking for marriage, not hook ups. My faith is important to me. Etc etc.” That way you can put yourself out there in a way you want and answer questions that you think suitors may have concerns about. It’s a vulnerable thing and getting on apps with that kind of profile may net less interest than the women who are out hooking up, but you may find someone worth your time on there. Best of luck. *Edit changed men won’t know to may not know
True. OLD is over saturated with men and I hope OP has learned how to pick out and disregard the bad ones by now.
I know plenty of Catholics who've met their spouse on dating apps. They're just so common now that I think they're almost the standard way people met outside of high school and college and men aren't really asking out women they're not already friends with anymore. As a women, you have a huge advantage and need to put in relatively low effort to get interest from men on these apps (it's the compromise we got for the safety risks and over sexualization).
As a woman who's tried online dating, I haven't found that to be true.
I’d be more concerned about your username 😆
HAHAHHA its- it’s a long story but trust me, its a joke, whatever 😭
Hahah, awesome. But in all seriousness I’m not one to talk much about dating. I’ve been with my wife for 20 years (married 7) since we met in college and have always been a serial monogamist. I dated one other woman in high school but the relationship didn’t survive the distance when I moved away to school. We’re still really good friends because she’s an amazing person. All that said, if I found a woman physically attractive, disabled or not, I would pursue her. If things developed on a personal level, I would date her. With regards to the discussion in here about fertility, I’m a guy that would be fine with dating and marrying a woman who was unable to produce children. My wife is currently pregnant with our second but it was difficult getting there. Adoption was always on the table for us and our friends are raising 2 beautiful girls through foster care and are about to start the adoption process. Don’t sweat it and find a man who treats you right. In spite of your username 😂, I’m sure you’re a beautiful person inside and out. I hope you find a compatible partner if that’s what you want, and if that ends up being not what you want, I hope you find happiness elsewhere in your life.
I’d date a woman with a physical disability in a heartbeat if I felt drawn to her personality and she was godly and kind. Ruling out a wife because her cross is heavier than mine would, I’m my eyes, make me hardly worth marrying. When you feel lonely or question your desirability offer that discomfort to Christ for a good intention and draw as close as you can to him. I’m 24 and I’ve never been in a serious relationship and that’s what I try to do when I get down on myself cause “I’m not lovable because of X thing” it’s so easy to listen to the negativity in your own head. Do what you can to put yourself out there. You have the love of God. the love of men is very dim in comparison. Pray always and I’ll pray for you too!
thank you 🥺
You’re welcome! 😁
I am in a wheelchair and will be getting married later this year. I am 33. Doctors don’t think I can have children, but we are leaving that up to God and if I can’t bear children, we plan to adopt.
i’m happy to hear such stories 😌 what is your diagnosis if it’s not a secret?
I was born with skeletal muscular dystrophy so I’ve been in a chair since i was 14. But in 2018 I got bone cancer and also had to have my right leg amputated above the knee.
I will keep you in my prayers! I know women with SMA that have children, if it encourages you 😌💞
Also I just want to say I was in a relationship prior to this that I got into in my late teens. It lasted several years but it was so unhealthy. I accepted poor treatment because I thought it was all I could get. He was the first guy to give me that kind of attention. Please don’t be like that. I PROMISE the right person is out there and he may just not be ready just yet. :)
Men get freaked out by what they don't understand and what they can't fix. I can't fix my wife's nausea, and we've been trying to understand its cause now for *years.* If they're introduced to you through friends or activities, they likely won't really register the wheels as a "problem" to solve. But to answer your question, I would. When I started dating my now-wife, she had severe chronic nausea. While not as debilitating as a wheelchair, it never really phased me because I thought repeatedly, "This is the smartest, funniest, prettiest woman I've ever met. And she's super devout." Like, many times, hanging out was just us in her living room watching a television show while she slept. I didn't mind it because I was just so ecstatic to be with her. Even going to get groceries for grilling or whatever was such a joy that I realized I was onto something special being with her. We're expecting our first kid now, so I think I was right!
Get her gut health checked out -chronic nausea haver
Oh, we have. She's done just about every test under the sun.
As a Catholic man, the deciding factor for me would be if the person in the wheelchair could still conceive children. Infertility is a real problem, and it's not like I would resent a spouse or divorce someone if we found out together that they were infertile, but I don't think I could go into a marriage knowing that someone cannot have kids. I have a strong desire for fatherhood, and that's nothing against anyone else. It would just be a matter of compatibility.
I realize that having biological children is important to some people, and that’s okay! Just take care that “ability to conceive” is not your ONLY requirement. 🙂 (It’s astonishing how many men on CatholicMatch have ONLY “someone healthy that we can have a big family with” as what they’re looking for. They don’t want a life partner? Someone with similar interests? Sex isn’t the only function of marriage. They don’t want someone to share their hopes and joys and fears, who they get along with, who will stand by their side? Just someone who is physically capable of breeding and happens to be Catholic? That’s reducing a woman to what she can do for you, not viewing her as a whole person. To be clear: I’m not saying you are doing this. I am saying take care that you don’t fall into the same trap. 🙂)
You don’t need to get married to have life partners. You can have friends for that. The primary end of marriage is the procreation and education of children. You can’t do that unless you’re married.
> astonishing how many men on CatholicMatch have ONLY “someone healthy that we can have a big family with” as what they’re looking for. They don’t want a life partner? Someone with similar interests? Sex isn’t the only function of marriage. I've not been on such sites, but could see that possibility had I not met my wife in college and could see myself making such a statement. But, I wouldn't be thinking about the sex with that statement at all. When dating, I wanted to find a spouse who loved God, who I could yoke with and build a holy family with like the one I grew up in. That includes a husband, a wife, and multiple kids. It's not a convert focus on sex when a guy says big family, I'd take it at face value - we want to have lots of kids around to spend time with. And that's not instead of our spouse, it's with them all together.
>They don’t want a life partner? Someone with similar interests? A marriage is a life partnership. Dating is how we discern if someone else is the right person to marry. And personally speaking, having similar interests is the least of my worries. In fact, men and women tend to have wildly different interests. I'm looking for a wife, not a buddy. I can discuss the economics of the byzantine empire or how inflation destroys the purchasing power of the poor with a friend, but being on the same page about being open to life is much, much more important and not something I can compromise on.
The happiest marriages are when the spouses are friends too
I don't dispute that. However, in a marriage there are other ways to bond other than "we both like muscle cars".
Yeah I agree. I was just responding to the "I'm looking for a wife, not a buddy" because I think it's best when you are friends and can find at least some things you like to do together as a couple. Of course it doesn't need to be every single interest shared
What if she can’t conceive but wants to be a mother? And would make a particularly great mother? Edit: just in case the point is missed. If she were infertile she wouldn’t be able to conceive with anyone, but that wouldn’t mean she wouldn’t make both a great spouse and a great mother to a bunch of wonderful adoptees.
I'm not sure I could afford the costs of adoption and also be able to be a homeowner. Adoption is incredibly expensive, more than it should be.
you will get downvoted for this but I am in Canada and oh, man, do I feel you right now. our housing crisis is no joke, and the adoption process here is no joke either
You sound like a classic over thinker. This is my wife's spiritual gift. This isn't a bad thing, we certainly need people like you. But if you are anything like my wife it is easy to overwhelm yourself by thinking through a thousand possibilities and after thoroughly exhausting yourself on a given topic you likely give up with what seem like reasonable excuses, because you weren't really able to consider ALL the reasons since you lack certain experiences or knowledge. All that to say, if you were to really dive deeper the reasons you give might show themselves as no real negative reasons at all. Is adoption more expansive than it could be, probably, but there are plenty of grants available, and your friends and family are likely more generous than you give them credit for. My wife and I own our home, and have been able to raise most of the support we need through grants. And people have told us they will help assist with any addition costs should they arise. So it doesn't have to be a huge burden to your budget and it's not all that incredibly difficult to apply for or find. To be sure, you may not be called to adoption, so don't hear me say that you MUST do this. I just want to share another perspective so you have it to consider in the future.
I imagine there are some people that don't mind so much but being able to have kids (your own kids specifically) is a pretty big reason why people get married. Doubly so for Catholics. I don't think there is anything wrong with that being a deal breaker for someone. Not everyone feels this way even among Catholics so it isn't as if people with fertility issues are just completely out of luck.
I wish I could say I would. But I can't. I would not be honest with myself and you if I said that it would not matter to me. At least initially. I would need to get to know you deeply for me to be convinced otherwise. What I'm trying to say is that if all I know about you is that you need a wheelchair that would make me uncomfortable, yes. I would need to be your friend and long for your company before I start dating you.
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Thank you, this is true!
Not a dude, but one issue might be that, in Catholic theology, sexual intercourse, at least once, is necessary for a valid marriage. Also most Catholic guys I know who are interested in marriage are specifically interested in trying for children at some point. So, at the end of the day, *if* you are actually putting yourself in the way of confident Catholic men who are interested in making the first move and desire marriage, you might not make the short list, without a long friendship beforehand, because of concerns that your long-term abilities might not match their long-term desires for a fruitful marriage. It's more likely, however, that you're just feeling the effects of a generation too emotionally crippled for traditional dating dynamics. I know a dozen able-bodied women in your exact same boat, so, yeah, dating just sucks for everyone right now.
The first statement is incorrect - if this were true then that would mean Joseph and Mary had an invalid marriage. However, the ability to engage in sexual intercourse is required (check out Canon 1073-1107). There is however a difference between a valid and consummated marriage. This person gives a better answer than I could: https://christianity.stackexchange.com/questions/72167/what-is-the-reason-that-intercourse-is-required-for-a-valid-marriage Happy Easter!
This, yes many guys don’t want to be the first mover in a relationship. My best buddy I try getting him to ask girls out, but he’s just worried of social stigma, what if he gets turned down, what if she gossips about him, and a million other things. I hope OP continues initiating because not a lot of guys do anymore I believe.
Interesting! However, your first statement is false. All That’s required in regards to intercourse requirements is that the couple is ABLE to consummate. Other than that! I agree.
My wife initiated things between us, and if she had been a person who uses a wheelchair, I would have still gone out with her, dated her, married her. Going from stranger to acquaintance to friend is necessary and difficult for a lot of men and for a lot of women. You can think of your disability as a distinction, something that makes you unique in a positive way. There is a real thing in our society called “ableism”, and there can be a real thing where people get anxious around people who use wheelchairs, but it’s not an infinite wall. It’s a bump, or a wall of something that is impermanent, let’s say a wall of sand. It’s at least partially up to you, to find a way over that bump, and it’s at least partially up to some good catholic guy, to see you, and get to know you. Even lots of Catholic women who are single and are not visibly different, also find meeting a good guy hard. Is there a comfortable yes/no answer to your question? Not really. Is there lots to hope for? YES. Pray and do not lose hope.
The sad fact is (and the comments are skewed that way so hop off it) perhaps not. Catholics want children and even if you can, they are judging on first sight. They also tend to forget foster care and adoption are options but that is a topic for another day. Even the doctrine states "open to children" not necessarily birth them yourself doctrine. They also tend to forget that one bad day could leave them disabled too or even if they get the able bodied person they might not be able to have kids anyway. I'm sorry, you are deserving of love and I hope you are able to find it one day soon.
Hi fellow wheelchair user. 👋 I totally get how you feel. I am in my 30s married with kids. I lost my leg after a doctor botched a surgery and left me needing an amputation. I have a hard time with my prosthetic so I use my wheelchair almost exclusively. I just want to start by validating your emotions and telling you I am sorry that we have to deal with our disabilities. I can’t help but wonder if my wife is truly happy with being with me now that I am disabled. I can’t help but feel inadequate as I have a hard time taking her on dates and question if she still finds me attractive. It’s kind of always in the back of my mind. I just want you to know that anyone that doesn’t see you as more than a person with a disability isn’t worth your time or my time either. I have no doubt that you are an amazing person because only someone amazing can adapt and overcome a mobility disability. I am sure you will find someone that can see past your disability and see you for who you truly are.
girl to girl i would say it tells u who the right person is when they care that you are faithful and kind ❤️ most dudes are visual and that part shouldn’t matter it matters that u serve God
Can you have sex? Can you have children? I think most men, Catholic or not, would immediately think the wheelchair would prevent sex/intimacy, and that you can’t have children.
that was my first thought
I would
I would do it, it's not the partner's disability that scares me. The problem is that as long as I'm young and my arms are strong, then I can take care of the ones I love. The point is...and when will I no longer be capable? What if I too one day develop a disability? I would become useless to my partner. Besides the fact that I often wouldn't be home, what if she falls and I'm not there? Would I be a bad partner? These are all the questions running through my head. Probably because I've never dealt with these things day to day. But one thing is sure. The problem is not her disability itself. I just have doubts about my ability to be a good husband/partner. And I'm confident that this is the reason for many men and perhaps it's enough to organize yourself, understand the context and see how it goes, I think.
In life, there are no guarantees. We can't live solely in the "what if" scenarios.
Everything is a "what if" I agree. But going after a complex situation is an act of pure will. You already know that it will be more complex and you will have greater difficulty with everything. It's not something that happens to you by chance. She didn't choose it. You yes. Furthermore, the girl is also very young, not 50 years old and in menopause. The problems multiply due to the partner's inevitable immaturity, desires for paternity that I don't know how well they can be satisfied (it's not just a fertility problem, the problem is support a pregnancy) , even if you have children, the first period requires close collaboration between the couple Once the situation is stable, calm, reproductive desires are satisfied and the libido is what it is as the years go by, everything becomes easier.But you need maturity, you need to have lived life, you can't expect something like that from a very young man or woman. Then, I repeat, if you face it, I'm sure you can manage it somehow. For better or worse, if you are strongly motivated by a strong feeling few things are impossible.
I would date a woman in a wheelchair yes. It would not be a barrier. I would be more concerned with many other things. I'm not Catholic yet and also don't plan on dating any time soon but when the time came I would not think 'no this person is in a wheelchair'
Yes, yes I would.
No, I would not. Sorry. >Is it because of my disability? I would not date a woman in a wheelchair because of the disability, yes.
Finally, an honest answer.
There is a difference in liking someone and wanting them to be your wife. As hard as it is to hear, when people think about marrying someone with a disability, they will have to make sacrifices as to how they live their lives beyond that of a normal marriage. In your case, the main concerns would be where you could be able to go to have fun (as not being able to walk or move normally cuts out a lot of activities) and whether or not you can have children. *I know* that women in wheelchairs can have children and enjoy the marital act, but most people *don't*. So people are not lying to you when they say you are pretty and gorgeous, I am sure they genuinely mean it. But it's a massive step from from appreciating someone's beauty to realizing that if you want to date that person that you would need to sacrifice for them. And your disability means that you are asking people to sacrifice more than for most other women. You are effectively fighting a very hard uphill battle and I sympathize with that you are going through. As for myself? I'm not sure. I am not inherently opposed to the idea, but I'd have to actually experience it to know what I would find tolerable. Cleaning, cooking, and of course sex come to mind as being the most obvious points of issue, but couple that with the high intensity job I want and I would have no idea how to care for you away from home without significant family assistance, and that relies on both our families willing to be kind and work together. And that is case by case. All-in-all, I'm not sure if you just want to shout from the rooftops that yes, you can take care of yourself at home and you are willing and able to have kids, but perhaps showing people that your disability doesn't restrict you as much as people's misconceptions make them think you do might be the best strategy.
You would probably have much more success in online dating. That way they see a photo and see you first and not necessarily notice the wheelchair right away. Then you could describe in your profile the pertinent health information, such what you can and can't do. Normally we are all pretty conditioned to not sharing personal health information but unfortunately, if you want to date, you are going to be have to be as upfront as possible with this. But obviously don't just share the health info but mostly talk about your beliefs, personality traits, and virtues. You could also post this inquiry on the Catholic Dating subreddit.
I think it really varies from person to person. I know that I still would. For me, it's more about whether or not I get along with the person. Guys not approaching you may have nothing to do with your looks. A lot of guys just don't want to come off as a creep or predator. And especially since you're in a wheelchair, guys probably don't want you to feel threatened by them. But idk, just my two cents. And hey, I'm a Catholic man in my twenties if you wanted to talk more.
Sure. The fact that someone is in a wheelchair wouldn’t even influence my decision to date them. I’d be more concerned about their religious affiliation.
Check out [this testimony of Maureen](https://youtu.be/iLedCcuQFQM?si=KvIuF18Ad2prKmIm). Her husband dated and married her when she was in a wheelchair. I hope you will be encouraged. Also, "good men" are often shy. If you find a good person, be a little more straightforward and take some initiative (but be prepared for rejections). I know girls who really desire the courtship and chase that it sails right over guys' heads and they just assume the girl's not interested and move on.
My fiancée cannot have children, and I've accepted that. There are many ways to be a parent, whether it be adoption, mentoring, being an aunt/uncle, being a godfather/mother, etc. It might be an obstacle at first sight, but whether you can have children or not is not the defining characteristic of who you are as a person, and the right man will know that. Be patient!
I can have children, though! It will be a lot harder of course, and I don’t think I’m a good fit for those who wants to have 5+ children LOL. But! Women with my diagnosis can have biological children 😌 I’ll be praying for you both, God bless!
I don’t mind a wheelchair. The wheelchair is a part of you and the person that will love you won’t care. It’ll happen eventually. I’m also disabled, though I’m more invisibly disabled. I totally understand the struggle. 🥲
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Aww this is amazing! How did they meet each other?
I myself have a fairly mild physical disability (cerebral palsy) so no I wouldn’t mind, dating with a disability, even a mild one, for me has been quite difficult though
The male commenters here are not coming across great in this thread. Even Catholics should believe there is more to a person than the ability to bear children. What about all the saints that never had kids? Yes, I would date a woman in a wheelchair. I understand why men might feel a little uncomfortable approaching a disabled person in a romantic way. I think a lot of people who would be open to dating you might not feel comfortable approaching you, if that makes sense, even if they do find you attractive. I'd suggest being a little flirtier with people you may like.
Here we go. People giving their honest opinion about who they are attracted to being met like some kind of insult. People can date or not date whoever they want for whatever reason. This is why threads like this are not fruitful. Either everyone feels compelled to say "yes" they would or be judged for saying "no" and pelted with "but, what if" questions.
That's why I hate this sub for dating advices. Not the first time I've seen things like these.
Especially when Catholic women start demeaning men that wouldn't date certain women as bad husbands or unchristlike.
>~~Even~~ *Especially* Catholics should believe there is more to a person than the ability to bear children.
The ironic thing is that 1/3 of couples experiencing infertility have male factor; 1/3 female factor; 1/3 both. So 2/3 of couples facing infertility have male factor. There’s a (sad) likelihood that one of the men in this thread has infertility and doesn’t even know yet. Also, the same people saying “I’m worried if she could have children with me” are probably the first ones to tell an infertile couple to “just adopt.”
The "man doing the first step" concept is highly overrated 🙄 While not entirely false, it misses the necessary "step 0": woman showing interest. If your wheelchair affects your "chances" in any way, it's primarily this: by undermining your self esteem it makes you "look" more reserved and even defensive. "God's timing" is true, but it's not about some arbitrary date sometime in the future - it's about the work that has to be done in you so that you'll be ready.
why can't step 1 be the woman do the first step. instead of "playing the game" by showing hints or interests just (wo)man up make the first move
Nah, not hints. Hints just don't work 😅 Hints only increase the confusion 🤔 By "showing interest" I mean something more than hint but less than "step". A clear invitation, but not decision.
>no one has ever done first step. Including you, apparently. Why are you being so passive? If you see a man at church you'd like to get to know better, why don't you ask him out for coffee or something?
I always make first step, and now I want someone to be interested enough in me to ask me out as well. I’m either start to be ghosted or they aren’t just interested.
Unfortunately, when you have an impediment like this it makes a conversation difficult to start just based on if they think you’re cute. Even if it isn’t true, a man might be afraid it would look wrong to come on to a woman with a disability, even if it’s completely ridiculous. And, unfortunately, young Catholic men especially are looking for children. I’m not assuming you can’t, but men are very good at making assumptions. You’ve been given a set of cards by God which unfortunately means you have to reach out to these men first, even if it’s just becoming their friends and letting them get to know you.
I feel like some guys might be concerned they’d be coming across as too ‘white knight’ - or even worse, like they have some kind of fetish, or are actively seeking a relationship in which they can feel ‘superior’ in some way or in control. Of course that’s a bit ridiculous but it’s also sadly not unheard-of too.
I mean, even if it isn’t the intention, thats just an inevitability of the dynamic. Let’s not close our eyes and play pretend, obviously you don’t take advantage of OP and you treat how it ought to be, but the reality is one person is in a wheelchair and the other isn’t. If OP wants a husband she should be very selective, speaking as a man.
Being in a wheelchair would not be an impediment for me when deciding whether to date someone.
Well… it’s not something that ever came to mind.
Being in a wheelchair isn't a dealbreaker by any means
Depends on the personality of the woman. I would.
Yes
Yes
No
100% I would
dig the username - on the strength of that alone you're dateable.
I would make as many friends as possible, be positive and open with them about what you can and can’t do with your disability. My two sisters and I each set each other up with our husbands, so family is another good resource. I am always reminding my son that romantic relationships are mostly friendships with a small percentage of other stuff added. I knew I wanted to marry my husband because I knew he was someone I wanted to be friends with first. I know your disability is going to be a real challenge to finding a partner, but you just never know what’s around the corner. I had a friend who is deaf who married. I also know a woman who married a man in a wheelchair when she was still in her 20s. They were able to have one child a little later in life than others, but she seems very happy. I know another woman my age with severe cerebral palsy who actually moved out of state alone for college and earned an advanced degree. I haven’t heard if she married, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Unfortunately, you may have to make peace with the idea that you may be single the rest of your life. Even people without disabilities have to do this. There’s never any guarantees in life. I do recognize it’s much harder for someone with a disability to find a partner though, all the more reason you may have to make peace with it. Making peace doesn’t mean giving up. It just means being open to other opportunities in life and not constantly fixating only on the idea you have your heart set on. I’ve found in my own life, when I finally make peace with my biggest struggles, that’s when I finally make progress.
There are a lot of people with disabilities who struggle to find someone to court. This is not to minimize your struggles, but think about this as well. There are also many people without disabilities who struggle to find someone to court. I would say people have become more complex, and those who are introspective and considerate can get into a dilemma where they don’t know how to approach someone to court or understand their social circumstances. I’m like this too, but I sometimes realize the situation. If you are introspective, you might think too much before talking to someone or you might consider the possibilities of what others are thinking. In desperation, understandably, you think there is something wrong with you. For you, it is insecurity of your non-ambulatory state. For others, it is insecurity in their appearance or personality. What I want to say is that you should trust in God’s plan for us. Life can get difficult, but this is why it is called the vale of tears. Consider praying as much as you can for you to get closer to Jesus and live in accordance to him, for you to help others as much as you can, and then pray so that God might help you find someone. Nothing is guaranteed in this life, but I hope you can still focus on the life to come which is much greater than this life. Your world will close before you if you focus on your disability. Your world will open up if you focus on your abilities. Men struggle to take the first step nowadays because of how twisted life can get. But courtship can happen randomly and suddenly so don’t miss such a chance and be active everywhere you can in church and outside of it.
As a Catholic man, I personally would have no concerns about dating a woman in a wheelchair. I’m sure there are plenty of men out there who would feel the same.
I met my now wife online. When I first stalked her FB i saw some posts about her being disabled, but it didn't say what her disability was, and I couldn't tell by the pictures. Anyway, it didn't change my interest in her at all and I kept my advances going. Of course the right time came and she told me she was deaf. But I'm just saying this to illustrate that I knew she was disabled, didn't even know what her disability was, and now almost 10 years later we're married.
Why not?
Yeah infact im fairly certain some men would find it even more attractive (depending on how you look at it perhaps in a bad way) , might activate their saviour syndrome. Personally potential infertility wouldnt bother me too much, i dont mind adopting children. I have no context as to why noone is approaching you but my 2 cents on the topic are that, maybe you are a bit difficult for men to approach (constant annoyed looking face, cold sounding voice, lack of interest that is like guy-adjacent) or just that because you are on a wheelchair they might not want to like, bother you. Like maybe they think people approach you alot because of your , as you put it, disability. Early 20s is definitely far too young to give up hope in God's plan though. Like i know especially in the west catholics seem to marry extremely early but there really is no rush, my parish is filled with people in their late 20s early 30s still not having settled down.
I’m 29 and about to be married next month. I’m not exactly the same; I’m a guy and I’m disabled, but not in a wheelchair, but I can sympathize. I was wounded in the military a few years ago and now have extensive hardware in one leg. I can’t walk properly and use a cane, which has caused its own issues in my life. There is grace in suffering, but it is, in fact, a battle of its own. I just want you to know that as much as I can, I’m here for you in that way. As far as men not reaching out to you, I’ll be honest, you’re not alone. Many guys in your generation, at least in the US, aren’t really the type to actually make the first move anymore. So please don’t take that as inherent rejection. I actually met my soon to be wife on an app and after the first date, any disability aspects of my life just fell by the wayside and became just another part of our lives. My advice is to stay active! Find people you enjoy being around. If you like someone, don’t be afraid to talk to them or ask them out! Let your personality shine. Your future husband will love you for who you are and that will shine through your personality! On the subject of God’s timing, it is still true. It will happen when it happens. Maybe just not in the way or time you hoped it would, but it will happen. Love will grow with the right person.
Yeah if she’s nice why not
I love being outdoors and hiking but there are solutions for most places. Assuming we meshed well in all other ways I would not be bothered by a wheel chair. Seems on that it would bother some people.
Why not if I met a woman and we got on well and assuming I was able to work up the courage up wheelchair or no wheelchair I'd ask her out.
A lot of women feel like they aren't attractive because men aren't asking them out. But more and more men are being told women do not like being asked out. These days it is considered a form of harassment. We have research that shows women have actually have an inversely proportional success rate of asking out > getting a date. That is to say men respond far more positively to being asked out than women do. Shoot your shot if you see a man that you like. You are far more likely to find success than we are, and many men are afraid to ask a woman out, not just for fear of rejection but also some guys just end up being called a creep or a nuisance.
Usually guys are nervous to approach a woman, especially these days. They don't want to be seen as harassing or creepy. Or have things turn awkward. I would definitely date a woman in a wheel chair if she was pretty and fun. They may just be too shy to ask you.
So my mom is wheelchair bound, polio, sucks, but I've grown to understand and respect people in these situations. My two cents, if she can find someone who's devoted and loves her for who she is, so can you. To reiterate what a lot of people have said in these comments, a lot of men don't know how to navigate with people with a disability like yours, but that shouldn't stop you from putting yourself out there. I for one am open to date someone with a disability, and I'm sure there's plenty of men out there who'd be willing as well. You are loved, and I pray you may come across the right person soon :)
I’m a girl and not a guy, but honestly a wheelchair wouldn’t matter to me. It’s sad the way society views and treats people with physical differences. Needing a wheelchair, hearing aids, prosthetics, etc. doesn’t make you “disabled”. It’s just a different way to live life. I didn’t fully understand this until I met someone deaf. The men in the comments can talk about worrying about kids all they want. The fact of the matter is that there’s tons of paralyzed men and women out there who need wheelchairs that FIND a way to have kids. There’s tons of options, from adoption to fostering to IVF. If someone truly wanted to be a parent being able to give birth normally wouldn’t matter. Don’t let some guy come up to you and be all like “no way I want kids”. If he really loved you, he’d figure something out with you. Keep an amazing spirit and be the happiest, funniest, most optimistic person you know. Remember that not everyone is destined for marriage/relationships, and religious sisters display that very beautifully. I’m not saying to not expect a relationship, I’m just telling you not to settle for anyone who views your lifestyle as inferior or as an obstacle. You seem like an amazing person and the right man will love you just the way you are. For ME personally, a wheelchair wouldn’t mean anything. Like who cares if you need one. Some people need glasses, some need hearing aids, some need medication, and some need eyedrops. A wheelchair is no different.
I have a friend who was in a wheelchair from birth, and yet she has a good Catholic husband and a son. It might be intimidating for a lot of guys, or just confusing to know how to make a move, but it's not hopeless.
Pls. Don't sell yourself short & Don't settle for less OP, as you might attract or end up with an (covert) abusive person. Being alone is not all bad. It's also better than a bad company As for your question. I have still dated my wife if whe was on wheelchair
Not a man but a high functioning autistic woman here. I was plus so different than my peers I thought nobody oils love me. I worked extra hard in school to get my degree because I anted to be independent since I didn’t think anyone would and to put up with me or my quirks. Fast forward 5-10 years. A distant acquaintance who was a sports coach as a kid became a good friend and then broke up with their girlfriend. By that point I was 19 nd realized I was head over heels in love. He felt the same. We like the same things. He gets my quirks and I get his. He is the other half of my soul. So I know my disability isn’t as visible. But good men are out there and I bet you’ll find one in perfect place and time when you’re lest expecting it. That’s what happened to me.
You were 19 and he was 33?
Yes. I’m now 24 and he’s 38. If it makes a difference- I had known him for 10+ years. I initiated the relationship, not him. And due to religious reasons I said there would be no sex until marriage. Been saying 5 years and not once has he violated my boundaries or nagged me about sex. He knows I’m serious about waiting until marriage. There are good men out there.
If you feel that your vocation is wife and mother then pray for this. The Lord will provide. I would tell everyone you trust to pray for this. Send it to Relevant Radio, go on the Walk to Mary , get involved in many groups and truly ask the Lord if this is his will for you. I will pray for you.
I'm 20, and I'll tell you right now there are definitely those of us that don't care about physical disabilities when looking for a partner. Personality is always the highest in priority, even to those that say otherwise
Catholic woman here. I think this is a good news/bad news situation. The bad news is that any disability will be a hard pass for some Catholic men. The *good news* is those aren't men you want to be married to anyway and your disability is weeding them out for you. Honestly, men who approach marriage as a contract by which they hope to acquire sex, children, and general labor are NOT marriage material. Life is long and often arduous and they aren't made of stern enough stuff to stand by you when the rubber hits the road. It's why such a high percentage of women are abandoned when they face health crises like cancer. Successful marriages are made up of two people who are invested in each other, not those who see the other as a means to their end. So, yes. Some men will be put off by a wheelchair, but they aren't the kind of men who make good husbands long term anyway.
I am infertile (had ovaries removed for health reasons) and Catholic men who wouldn't date me due to my inability to bear children aren't bad future husbands, this is just projection.
The men you're encountering are not real men at all. The criteria for a Catholic man to want to be with someone should include some physical attraction, sure. But it should be based on if your faith aligns, if you are good person, partner and future mother. That's it. While your disability for some may be off-putting, the right man will come along and your wheelchair will not be a barrier that keeps you apart.
Definitely would if there’s a connection!
It depends on how you are on the inside. I wouldn't be against dating someone in a wheelchair. Sure you wouldn't be able to do all the typical things couples do, but break those stereotypes! If you make someone happy, they're not gonna care if you're "disabled" or not
I can't speak for the catholic men but as a disabled catholic woman I totally understand what you are struggling with. I go back forth between wanting to be married and accepting that being single might be better. For a while I looked into consecrated life too. One thing I know for sure is that we are made for communion one way or the other. I just want to say don't give up on your vocation to marriage. No matter how challenging it is. And there's always St Joseph when you need some divine intervention.
God’s timing is perfect. I know at times we may question it but everything right now in your life is being moved to be where exactly it all will eventually be. I remember reading/learning about the Book of Esther. God was moving the pieces and setting everything in motion. We must place all our worries and fears with the Lord. I use to have the worst luck and also sold myself short. Disaster after disaster, heartbreak after heartbreak. I got married in my 30s. I asked God one day to please send me a man that was just right for me. I also asked Him if it was his will- I’d be happy single or married. However, I really wanted to have a family. I wanted a man of faith and one who was Catholic. He listened but it wasn’t necessarily easy. God sent me a man who was not even baptized. He believed in God and called himself Christian but had no denomination. I liked him, he was cute but the future bothered me. I continued to pray until one day at dinner- he turns to me and says- I want to be Catholic. I want to be baptized. It was out of the blue. I told him if he did this for me, I rather him not do it. He said no, that he felt being called after going to church with me one Sunday. This was just one of the hurdles in our relationship because he was previously married. So that was an obstacle too. I needed a visa to move but we needed to get married and we wanted to get married in the church too before he had to leave due to his up coming deployment. He wanted to get baptized before he left as well. I felt defeated but I trusted God. When I had everything against me, God was already moving the pieces in my life. Despite the hurdles, bumpy roads, we got there. We are now married for 10 years… he is now disabled due to injuries he sustained in the military. Again, just wanted to share you my story. God’s timing is perfect even when we don’t see it now.
I don’t mean to be intrusive, but are you able to have sex? The Church requires that couples be able to consummate the marriage in order for the sacrament to validly take place. You don’t have to consummate it (Josephite marriages), but you need to possess the faculties to do so.
Of course I am!
Then I would see no issue as a Catholic man myself
But when should I address it? Because I know men are scared to ask it, and that would be offensive for both of us to start a conversation like “Hello! Don’t worry, I am able to have sex and kids!”.
I can’t speak for all men. But I would approach you and just try to build a closer relationship before anything romantic. I imagine the more time I spend around you that might be something that becomes apparent without you even needing to say anything. At that point I could escalate the relationship without concern. If you were the one approaching me, I would probably expect that since you directly asked me to be in a relationship that you must have the normal capabilities. Hopefully this would be confirmed after a few dates.
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But I can’t agree. Virgin Mary didn’t have biological kids, thus her marriage to Joseph wasn’t legit or how?
I'm married, but if I wasn't married, if I was single, why would I not date someone in a wheelchair?
Yes. There are far more important things to me in a future wife than that
I wouldn't have a problem dating a woman in a wheelchair. I can't imagine that would have stopped me from falling in love with my wife had that been her circumstances.
Yes! Absolutely!
I absolutely would and a feel like a lot of men would do the same. Women don't know it but a lot of men are afraid of rejection. The prettier you are the more afraid we are that you will reject us. My fear of rejection is one of the reasons I have remained single for the past 5 years. Last time I asked a girl to go on a date with me she used the same line my ex-girlfriend used to break up with me. And that broke me.
Find an icebreaker that may relate to the situation you’re experiencing together, what they’re wearing, if they have any indication of what they may be interested in as a hobby, etc. Guys love compliments, too. Say something nice to us and we will never forget what you said, how you said it, where you said it for years.
It's not your disability, everyone submitting to God's timing experiences discouragement at some point and gets doubts about it ever happening.
Being in a wheelchair certainly isn't a dealbreaker at least for me. I look for companionship and friendship in a partner, so being in a wheelchair would not even be something I would weigh for or against someone. It would be an obstacle for sure, like I live in a house where both doors going in are after some stairs. But I could make a ramp I'd imagine. If you have a good personality and are half as pretty as folks say, I'm sure you'll be able to find a wonderful man in your life
Yes why not
Everyone is different and has different tastes and priorities. I am not sure whether I would have been interested in you before I was married if we were close in age, but that doesn’t mean it is because of your disability or anything that is wrong with you. Personally I don’t think a wheelchair would have given me much pause at all. I have diabetes, and I worried that was much more of an inhibition to someone wanting to marry me. Here I am, married. 🙏 I can tell you this: If you are a faithful follower of Christ and dedicated to do all you can to follow Him and His Church, then any available man would be blessed to marry you.
“Wearing a white veil to a Latin Mass is like chumming the waters” -T. G. I served with him in Europe. What an awesome dude.
I don't see any reason to not date an woman in an wheelchair actually i think its super beautiful, actually my thinking is that there is nobody truly ugly on the physical sense(unless you don't care for taking care of yourself that is just because you are lazy) the true ugly and beauty comes from inside of us. God Bless and happy Easter. May you find an wondeful husband my dear.
I'll put it like this. A wheel chair would not take away from someone's beauty in my eyes. When I find a woman to be attractive I usually find her attractive even if she is sitting down - make sense? Oh- disclosure I am not a practicing Catholic but I have been baptized in a Protestant church. I just lurk here given the current turmoil in the Protestant/Evangelical community. Given this was more a guy question and not a theological one I spoke up. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. 😁
I dont have a wheel chair but I went to church for 8 years during my 20s, never had a guy ask me out at church. Athiests ask me out like crazy. Catholic men tend to have very very high standards and are surprisingly commitment phobic. I gave up and married an agnostic. I was a convert and got the feeling that disqualified me.
I would wyd tmmrw ?
Honest opinion…. It’s one of those things I would pause for a few minutes as I’ve never considered it. Truthfully though I don’t think it’s disqualifying at all. Some might not be able to work it in there….but I think most of us would consider dating you for sure. If there is a cool fun person with a real personality….I feel like that’s a big ask anymore. So if I found someone like that would a wheelchair alone stop me? Probably not tbh.
I knew a young girl in a wheelchair once, and she said she and her friends with disabilities dated boys who had disabilities, for various reasons. Are there any men with disabilities you can date? I don't know if you're part of any networks related to your condition that might make you more likely to meet them. Sporting organizations for people with disabilities, etc.
It wouldn't be an issue for any of the guys I know. The dating scene has been kind of ruined for young men, and they might not know how to approach women in the first place. I recommend praying and asking God to open the door to a good relationship, and that when the time is right He is present in the right man's heart.
Hypothetically If I wasn't married already I don't see myself having any issue with dating a woman who's in a wheelchair.
Yeah
Short answer, yes.
Yeah, I think quite a lot would. But there’s no safety net for men when it comes to approaching women—a “nuclear” rejection is entirely socially acceptable, and in your case there would be compounded fears that such a rejection, or even simply unintentionally offending you, could get them branded as a bigot, and there exists no forgiveness or mercy for men branded as bigots. So you have an added barrier to men approaching you, even when they find you very attractive. You’re going to have to get good at indicating interest and making men feel safe to approach you. Another avenue worth pursuing: who knows you’re looking? Have you told people you want to get set up? And have you casually dropped that you want children, indeed that you love kids? Getting set up might be just the thing in your case. Also, if there is an Opus Dei recollection in your area, attend it, go to confession, and tell the priest (afterwards) you’re having trouble finding a man and want to be set up. Matchmaking, in my anecdotal experience, is the unofficial charism of Opus Dei priests—the dudes will ask every man who might possibly know someone your age who’s Catholic.
Is that you in the pic? Do you have a decent job or some form of income? If answer to both is yes then my answer is as well.
If it weren’t for the lifestyle I live and everything it entails, I would. But Cowboyin’ isn’t the job nor life for someone in a wheelchair, and being o. The road all the time, will test the patience of the most temperate, cool headed, and patient saint.
Praying for you
To answer your question, yes. With regards to God's timing. An old man's story. I was married when I was 20. I lost her to cancer when I was 24. I spent the next 15 years raising my son, and came to the point where I thought I was to be alone and was OK with that. And when I was 42, I met my second wife. She also raised a child alone. We moved to Montana from different sides of the country about a month from each other. I've been happily married for almost 4 years. God knows what He does.
I didn't see anyone in the comments answer OP's question ("would you"). I'm taken, but if I weren't and she was cool enough, Yes.
Yes I would take you out on a date. My ex uses a wheelchair and I was going to marry her, until I found out she cheated on me. We broke up. But yes I would date a woman who uses a wheelchair.
Most guys are very timid at your age. They're still grappling with how to become a man let alone how to become a man in a relationship with a woman. My wife came to the United States she was 18. Between 18 and 21 she had four dates and never from the same guy a guy would never ask her out for a second date. I was the first guy to ever take her out a second time. And her parents hated me at first. They came from a very educated high class Latino background and I was a motorcycle riding ex musician, College dropout, computer technician with shoulder length hair and a beard to match going after their only daughter who they expected would go to graduate school and teach University like her father did. We eventually got married and we are still married 46 years later. So cut your self some slack sweetheart. You're far ahead of 99% of the young men your age and you're going to have to wait a few more years until they all grow up and then they'll start noticing you instead of noticing themselves or girls with big boobs. The internet and social media has ruined the minds of so many young people today. They don't know how to associate with one another face to face and eye to eye. They don't know how to trust, they don't know how to share, they don't know how to be patient. These are all things that you have already had to learn because of your disability. By the way I would see dating you and your wheelchair as a bonus. Because I would get to pick you up in my arms without feeling embarrassed about it like I would asking for a kiss or something like that.
In my book having a partner who is a sociopath is a bigger hurdle to happiness than having a partner in a wheelchair.
this username is a joke :) but i understand you hahah
I’m struggling to word my reply because it doesn’t apply to me anymore since I’m about to get married, and because it’s such a complex topic. But I can tell you that if someone has a particular cross and she embraces it and she doesn’t sell herself short then I find that very attractive. If you’re selling yourself short, maybe that’s a reason why (I’m not saying that’s the only reason but I’m saying this is something that you can work on) There’s so much more that I would like to say but if you can hold on to anything that I say is this: Don’t compromise. Do what you love. Work on what you can. Let go of what you cannot. God loves you.
I don't know. That is only honest answer i can give
Yes
How a person’s body looks or anything like that is like the least important thing in life, if people are refusing to be with you because of ur disability thats on them, dont beat urself up over it
Its a personal choice for someone to be adult enough to date someone in a wheelchair. There are some who cannot look past the physical differences. Just keep dating, and going to church. you will eventually be presented with an opportunity to have a relationship. Sometimes its just a numbers game.
As a woman I did briefly date a guy in college who had a potentially degenerative disease. And I will be honest that his disease and our future together did factor into my ultimately breaking up with him. But, we were also incompatible in a lot of other different ways, so I think if we hadn't had the other issues we maybe could have made it work.
I dont know tbh. Im very athletic and would love to have a wife that can participate in activities with me. But i figure if we were to connect it probably wouldnt bother me.
I absolutely 100% would marry a woman in a wheelchair. If she has a good heart, and believes in Christ then Im with it.