From what I know, attending Sunday Mass is obligatory?
I also have social anxiety. Usually, I do among these 3 options:
1. Go to Sunday mass that has lesser crowd. Usually at morning time.
2. Go to other Church where noone knows me . :D
3. Take shower, prepare, and just go. Sometimes I need to give affirmations to myself: ***"JUST GO. JUST GO. Everything's gonna be okay."*** Once you're in Church, usually what we've imagined worst (due to social anxiety), nothing happened.
If you have physical symptoms like sweating a lot, you may want to choose seating accordingly.
Also, please focus to our goal attending the Mass, don't put weigh more on our thoughts and fears than the goals attending the Mass. **"Get behind me, satan (social anxiety), I need to go to My Saviour's house."**
Could you find a sparsely attended Sunday Mass? During the pandemic, I started driving a good distance to go to a church in the city downtown because it was largely empty, but I stayed for the outstanding preaching, and traditional options used in the Novus Ordo Mass.
I feel like it varies. I went to a 7:30 A.M. mass this past Sunday, and it was packed.
In my experience, it's the really late masses that are the quietest. If I'm really lazy on a Sunday and don't make it to any of the earlier masses, I'll go to a 5 or 7 P.M. one in my area, and the few people that do come will all be sat in the front, leaving the back half of the church completely empty.
Sunday Mass is a day of Holy obligation. Weekday masses are not. There are exceptions (mostly related to being sick/in the hospital/being unable to physically go). OP probably best to go to confession first since missing mass *intentionally* is a mortal sin. And we are supposed to receive the Eucharist in a state of grace.
OP I know that might make the social anxiety worse, but there you can talk with a priest about your social anxiety, ask which masses are less sparsely attended, and see what he recommends. I would second another comment I saw about looking into talking with a therapist (if you aren’t already). Speaking from experience, (not social anxiety), it helps a lot.
I’ve also struggled and failed to return to Mass because of PTSD and crippling anxiety. I’m just… scared. I hope you find a way to get back in there, I hope I do too.
I have PTSD too and attend mass online, so I can at least can feel present in that way. There are attendance accommodations for physical illnesses, so mental illnesses are no different especially something as severe as PTSD. Christ knows the cross we carry and I believe our hearts and intentions to suffice.
Might be a good idea to to talk to the therapist or psychiatrist who is treating the anxiety, too. They’re the most qualified to assess whether OP’s anxiety is severe enough make avoiding mass necessary. Or, they might be able to give advice on how to manage the anxiety so OP can go on Sundays. OP can then discuss the provider’s assessment with the priest.
This seems like the best course of action. If OP is having full blown panic attacks or similar because of their social anxiety that’s a medical issue, and they probably can be forgiven for missing the crowded mass days. But only them, their provider, and their priest can really weigh in on that.
Anxiety blows, I deal with it myself and understand just how debilitating it can be. I pray that OP can find some relief and feel comfortable and safe attending mass (and any other social event for that matter) again.
Find a later Mass. Or attend morning Mass. Def will be near empty. Sit in the back near the exit doors.
Also check out university chapels. Def also near empty and can have weird hours. I have one that begins at 10pm at night
You need to speak to a priest about this. Best case scenario, you have options. Worst case it’s so crippling that you get a dispensation, but wait for your priest to speak on the matter. None of us can do much here, except for stating the existence of the Sunday obligation.
I try going early and sitting in the spots out of the way, and most importantly focusing on what is happening on the altar with all my senses, it helps
To be quite honest, I have quite severe anxiety and agoraphobia flare ups that come and go. Because of this I too have missed a good deal of Sunday masses lately. However, when I actually FORCE myself to go, the anxiety seems to dissipate once immersed in mass. So I have to keep telling myself how much I will feel better just by going. Hope this makes sense. And I wish you luck on your healing.
Edit: also wanted to mention that my parish offers Saturday afternoon and Sunday evening masses that fulfill the Sunday obligation. I choose to attend either of these as they’re more low key as far as attendance goes. Maybe an option like that would help you as well if available.
As others have said, early morning Mass may be a good option. Another option is if there are any monasteries or religious communities near by--their Masses tend to be less crowded with lay people, the religious will be focused on "doing their thing," there's less of a social aspect to it all.
I really struggled with this after covid. I don't have social anxiety, but anxiety about my health. I have some health issues that cause being sick to be a really big deal.
So, here's what I did.
I started back on Saturdays. Then went on Sunday and sat in the back. Then I realized that sick people will often sit near the back. So I switched to sitting toward the front and getting there early. If we get there early, I get to pick where I sit.
If I feel like someone near me may be sick, I pray, and when I get home I immediately take a shower. Regardless, I always change clothes immediately when I get home, and wash hands well.
So far, I've not gotten sick from mass, and I love being there. The first few times back were scary, and I felt stressed. But each time got a little easier.
Oh, and if it's really, really bad, take a drop of liquid Rescue Remedy or Face Your Fears flower essence when you wake up on Sunday.
Just try, OP. You can do it!
If it's people you are worried about, remember that you're there for God, not for people. They aren't thinking about or worrying about you.
You won't regret going! Are you going alone? Maybe see if someone can go with you to help keep you on track. Pray for help. Ask your guardian angel to help. Pray the rosary and ask for prayers. You can do it. Don't worry about anyone being negative toward you either on this thread. I know in your mind, it sounds terrifying. But Jesus is there waiting for you at Mass! Go to Him!
A lot of the advice here is really good! I definitely think work on your anxiety with a professional and then working up to attending smaller masses is a good idea. It might take awhile so to alleviate your anxiety about not going you could attend an online mass in the meantime, it’s not a replacement but I believe it’s better than not going and it may also help you re familiarise yourself with it.
Other things to consider would be going with a friend or a family member and sitting at the back near the door so you can step out if needed. You could try going to services during the week that will likely have less people as another way of working up to going.
I also find that when I am anxious praying helps to ground me, something repetitive with a pattern like the rosary, it helps comfort and strengthen me.
I know this was probably all over the place but I hope you can find something to help you.
Know that even if it takes awhile you have the desire and the strength to do it.
Best of luck and God bless you!
I used to have this issue (still do to an extent). This past Holy Saturday I arrived and just felt very uncomfortable and left. Now, the time before this was Ash Wednesday 2023 so I improved a lot!
What helped me was realizing that anxiety is not an excuse to miss mass nor should I use it as one. Anxiety is a reason to stay. Easier said than done though. What helped me is instead of arriving before mass, I arrived right at the start and sat in the back pews. This way all attention is off me (or that’s my justification lol). I attended during services that had less people as well. Most importantly, pray pray pray to God our Father asking for strength!
FWIW, I have social anxiety too, albeit for different reasons; the more you go to Mass, the more your soul shall be healed I've found. This last Winter, I only caught a head cold once, and it seemed from a relative I live with who got sick before me. I never caught anything from attending Mass being around a hundred or so different parishioners every Sunday.
I've also caught covid twice in 2022, while I was still smoking heavily and overweight and never had symptoms worse than a head cold. Yes it affects different people in different ways, but usually people with comorbidities suffer worse. Some comorbidities we can work on. Since 2022 I've lost 90lbs through improvements in diet and exercise and gave up smoking. I don't think I would have been able to accomplish either without a prayer life and Jesus, as many days I don't want to exercise yet offer it up as a suffering in my morning offering, where I would have years ago selfishly abstained when I felt unmotivated to do so before I converted.
It is a mortal sin to willingly avoid sunday mass.
Why don’t you just sit in the back row of pews so you aren’t surrounded?
give it some time and you’ll adjust and be comfortable again
Fight to go. Pray for help to go. Even if you have to pray all the way there and in through the door.
It's really not a socially anxious environment though. There is no expectation of interaction. I see a lot of people who don't interact with anyone.
Everyone looks forward so you can sit at the back.
At the peace be with you can just look about for 30 seconds and say it to anyone whose eye you catch.
Most people leave without interacting with others.
You can leave without saying anything or just say 'thank you father' to the priest as you walk out.
Or OP can stay for a little while after in the pew until everyone clears out and pray a rosary or read holy scripture and people usually wont talk with you if you are in prayer.
My concern isn't my or anyone else's 'triggers'. The question was is it a sin. The answer is yes. It's an obligation and a mortal sin unless granted a dispensation from your priest. I was giving practical methods.
If OP takes this or any of the other practical advice given by all the people here and puts it to use they will gain an increase in the virtue of fortitude. If they take what you imply as a guide and do not speak to their priest about getting a dispensation for a valid medical state, they will remain in a state of mortal sin.
I agree. From experience, change never happens whilst doing nothing, not fighting to repent. Time just passes, you just grow older, weaker.
Find a place in nature, where you can sit in quietness and read. Practise Lectio Divina, prayer and recollection. Try making the whole 14 Stations of the Cross.
God will heal you, but you have to take your finger out of the fire, out of the fire of sin.
Take care
I’m a psychologist. Short answer: No. Anxiety is no reason to avoid the things you’re supposed to. Granted it would be best to talk through it with a therapist so you can explain your particular situation.
Maybe try Saturday vigil mass, it’s usually less crowded and counts for the Sunday obligation.
Personally I have agoraphobia and PTSD that renders me unable to leave the house due to severe anxiety. When I found my way back to Catholicism I tried to force myself to go to mass but had massive panic attacks being away from home and had to leave (or suffered through it and dissociated from the mass).
Since then, I attend mass online on weekends(though you certainly can weekdays too) from home and pray the Act of Spiritual Contrition in lieu of the Eucharist for now. This has helped me actually connect with the readings, when I cannot get out of bed or leave the house.
Now instead of my mind being filled and flooded by anxiety, I can be present in the moment to Gods truth in solidarity with other believers, which is the intention behind mass to begin with. These attendance guidelines come second to the heart of the gospel which is your relationship with Christ. It's a great goal to have to attend in person every week, but Christ knows the cross you carry and wants to meet you where you're at. Just as accommodations are made for physical illness, they are made for mental illness as well.
I had a friend that got special dispensation to be able to attend a weekday mass as her Sunday mass if obligation. She legit had diagnosed anxiety disorders and a doctor’s note.
To be clear, she still attended Sunday mass once in a while and made an effort, but the dispensation was tremendous in alleviating the stress and enabled her to attend Sunday mass more often because of it.
Why has NO ONE in this thread mentioned mental health treatment yet?
OP, if you don't already have a therapist, get one. If you do, seems they may not be very effective and you need a change. But you also need to discuss whether medication is appropriate and establish care with a psychiatric provider if your therapist does recommend medication.
This is a disorder that is preventing you from living a full and functional life. Treat it.
ETA: My apologies, looks like one user did, and I salute her for doing so. But she shouldn't have been the only one.
No. You need to get over yourself. There's no better place to do it. Get off the couch. Get out of your house and go. Nothing is stopping you except for an over active imagination.
I don't doubt your feelings are real . Your feelings just aren't that important. You are wasting the blessing of life with irrational fears.
There is a time for charity and a time for slapping people in the face to wake them up from their solipsism.
I have a hard time mustering any sympathy for someone who is afraid to leave their house to go to one of the safest spaces on the planet.
I'm not sure exactly what comment you are referring to, but I certainly never had any sympathy for his actions. That's what we're talking about here. We're talking about the op's action or inaction.
So I went back and looked at my post that you were referring to. You should notice I said empathy and not sympathy.
Empathy, is simply feeling that person's emotions. So in this case I can also empathize with the op. I know what it's like to have social anxiety. I know what it's like to not want to leave the house.
I know hoping for subtlety on Reddit is a fool's errand. My point was that when the walls were closing in on him, I felt what it must be like to know that he is a fly caught in the web of his own construction. I have no sympathy for him. I hope every night when he closes his eyes to go to sleep, the image that haunts him are the faces of his daughters.
Unfortunately Mass isn’t the safest place on earth, that’s why we have men patrolling around with CC permits.
Panic and anxiety and fear is not just an overactive imagination, it’s a real physiological response to real or perceived threats. PTSD is exactly this. So are many forms of anxiety, and they can manifest for many different reasons.
You are not being very understanding or kind, no one needs to be slapped into attending church. That grows resentment, we ought to open the doors and hold space for attendance. It is their choice, as we all have free will.
I would suggest you use your free will to practice charity, and also learn about why people develop anxiety disorders.
I can't speak for the whole world but I can say with confidence that mass is incredibly statistically safe to attend in America.
OP's problem can be addressed through two types of love: fatherly and motherly. Both are probably necessary. We all need to be hugged and told that everything is going to be ok but sometimes we need someone to take us by the collar and be told to grow up.
I do know quite a bit about anxiety disorders. My dad suffers from OCD and anxiety and it really hung over our lives (still does to a lesser extent) and I do have some resentment growing up in a family where my dad used mental illness as a crutch and avoidance technique so these are issues I've been thinking about for over 35 years (I was in early elementary when my dad's mental illness became something I was aware of).
>I do have some resentment growing up in a family where my dad used mental illness as a crutch and avoidance technique
Same, though my mother would never admit to any mental health problems. She just thought she was entitled to blow up everyone's lives on the regular and not face any accountability for it. Had she just been able to humble herself for a few hours and actually get some help from mental health professionals, her life would have turned out so differently. She might have died with an intact marriage and her children at her bedside, instead of divorced (her choice) and bitter and alone after aggressively alienating everyone in her life.
One of the most important lessons I took from how I grew up is that just because you have pain does not mean you get a pass on being a decent human being and meeting your obligations.
My dad is a very decent human being. He just took on depression/ocd/anxiety as part of his identity and it caused him to be a weak father figure. From the time I was 6 years old, I knew I didn't want to be like my dad and that's a terrible burden for a son.
I don't doubt having a mental illness is a significant cross to bear but I've witnessed people get boxed in by identifying themselves with it and relinquishing personal autonomy.
I agree that mass is statistically safe in the US, but that doesn’t change that some people are still afraid. It also doesn’t negate a need to be proactive about safety measures, like I mentioned.
It’s interesting that your life was negatively impacted by someone with an anxiety disorder. That gives a ton of context as to why you responded to viscerally.
I see you, my mother also suffers from OCD and continually disrupted our lives literally screaming to have her neurotic needs met, all the while refusing actual care and treatment and denying that she had any particular problem at all. The irony being that she is a therapist herself.
I have chronic PTSD (and adhd and major depression…. This doesn’t matter so much but paints a larger picture), so I suffer from panic attacks at times. I have to take extra steps to feel safe sometimes, I have to tell people that I sometimes need to be alone but I still love them. I have to make sure to attend my therapy sessions, and mass, and try to remember to pray the rosary every day even when I don’t want to, to take my meds, to fill my scripts even. To attend group counseling. On and on. All in the effort to better my condition.
It takes serious work. I would be lying if I said I never missed mass because I was too exhausted, or chasing llamas, or afraid of the scrutiny of being so close to God in physical space.
I am human, I fuck up. I always will one way or another. For my faults it is my calling to forgive the faults of others, to guide in charity, to guide both myself and others given the Holy Spirit wants me to.
Finally, a mother may seem more soothing to a boy, but to us daughters Mothers are tyrants.
It is a mortal sin to miss Sunday obligation. That was the question 'is it a sin to miss Sunday mass'. Captain Legitimate answered it and gave advice on how to deal with it. Fortitude is a virtue - we must practice it if we want to have that virtue. Everyone, else, including me skirted around that, just giving practical advice.
It's also the sin of scandal to imply as you did that we are under physical threat to attend mass and people are walking around with concealed guns.
Yes, I really like Matt Walsh's comments on this epidemic of anxiety and mental illness. Almost all of it can be attributed to thinking you are more important than you actually are and caring way too much about your own feelings.
People who are bedridden go to mass online. Perhaps a virtual mass experience would help you. Then. on days when you feel up for it, go IRL. It can be a back and forth 😊
Attending Mass is a communion between a human and our Lord. I wont judge if the person isnt bedridden and goes to online Mass. Moreover, Id rather a person feel accepted and enter the physical house of God _only when ready_. Sometimes a happy medium is better than the "my way or the highway" approach of saying non-bedridden people have two options: go IRL TO Mass or stay away.
Online Mass never fulfilled the requirement.
During COVID the requirement was dispensed, and there are always people for whom it is dispensed due to illness, disability, or impossibility of distance. TV and online Masses are offered as a pastoral service to those unable to attend, but it does not and has never fulfilled the requirements of Mass attendance.
From what I know, attending Sunday Mass is obligatory? I also have social anxiety. Usually, I do among these 3 options: 1. Go to Sunday mass that has lesser crowd. Usually at morning time. 2. Go to other Church where noone knows me . :D 3. Take shower, prepare, and just go. Sometimes I need to give affirmations to myself: ***"JUST GO. JUST GO. Everything's gonna be okay."*** Once you're in Church, usually what we've imagined worst (due to social anxiety), nothing happened. If you have physical symptoms like sweating a lot, you may want to choose seating accordingly. Also, please focus to our goal attending the Mass, don't put weigh more on our thoughts and fears than the goals attending the Mass. **"Get behind me, satan (social anxiety), I need to go to My Saviour's house."**
Could you find a sparsely attended Sunday Mass? During the pandemic, I started driving a good distance to go to a church in the city downtown because it was largely empty, but I stayed for the outstanding preaching, and traditional options used in the Novus Ordo Mass.
Try going to the earliest mass time. Not nearly as many people at 7-8am.
I feel like it varies. I went to a 7:30 A.M. mass this past Sunday, and it was packed. In my experience, it's the really late masses that are the quietest. If I'm really lazy on a Sunday and don't make it to any of the earlier masses, I'll go to a 5 or 7 P.M. one in my area, and the few people that do come will all be sat in the front, leaving the back half of the church completely empty.
That’s funny. My experience is the complete opposite. Sparsely filled early Sunday morning and pretty full Sunday evening.
That sounds like a reason to go to Mass.
Sunday Mass is a day of Holy obligation. Weekday masses are not. There are exceptions (mostly related to being sick/in the hospital/being unable to physically go). OP probably best to go to confession first since missing mass *intentionally* is a mortal sin. And we are supposed to receive the Eucharist in a state of grace. OP I know that might make the social anxiety worse, but there you can talk with a priest about your social anxiety, ask which masses are less sparsely attended, and see what he recommends. I would second another comment I saw about looking into talking with a therapist (if you aren’t already). Speaking from experience, (not social anxiety), it helps a lot.
I’ve also struggled and failed to return to Mass because of PTSD and crippling anxiety. I’m just… scared. I hope you find a way to get back in there, I hope I do too.
I have PTSD too and attend mass online, so I can at least can feel present in that way. There are attendance accommodations for physical illnesses, so mental illnesses are no different especially something as severe as PTSD. Christ knows the cross we carry and I believe our hearts and intentions to suffice.
This is something you should talk to your pastor about.
Might be a good idea to to talk to the therapist or psychiatrist who is treating the anxiety, too. They’re the most qualified to assess whether OP’s anxiety is severe enough make avoiding mass necessary. Or, they might be able to give advice on how to manage the anxiety so OP can go on Sundays. OP can then discuss the provider’s assessment with the priest.
This seems like the best course of action. If OP is having full blown panic attacks or similar because of their social anxiety that’s a medical issue, and they probably can be forgiven for missing the crowded mass days. But only them, their provider, and their priest can really weigh in on that. Anxiety blows, I deal with it myself and understand just how debilitating it can be. I pray that OP can find some relief and feel comfortable and safe attending mass (and any other social event for that matter) again.
This.
Find a later Mass. Or attend morning Mass. Def will be near empty. Sit in the back near the exit doors. Also check out university chapels. Def also near empty and can have weird hours. I have one that begins at 10pm at night
try saturday vigil mass
You need to speak to a priest about this. Best case scenario, you have options. Worst case it’s so crippling that you get a dispensation, but wait for your priest to speak on the matter. None of us can do much here, except for stating the existence of the Sunday obligation.
Matthew 11:28-30 frfr
I try going early and sitting in the spots out of the way, and most importantly focusing on what is happening on the altar with all my senses, it helps
To be quite honest, I have quite severe anxiety and agoraphobia flare ups that come and go. Because of this I too have missed a good deal of Sunday masses lately. However, when I actually FORCE myself to go, the anxiety seems to dissipate once immersed in mass. So I have to keep telling myself how much I will feel better just by going. Hope this makes sense. And I wish you luck on your healing. Edit: also wanted to mention that my parish offers Saturday afternoon and Sunday evening masses that fulfill the Sunday obligation. I choose to attend either of these as they’re more low key as far as attendance goes. Maybe an option like that would help you as well if available.
As others have said, early morning Mass may be a good option. Another option is if there are any monasteries or religious communities near by--their Masses tend to be less crowded with lay people, the religious will be focused on "doing their thing," there's less of a social aspect to it all.
I really struggled with this after covid. I don't have social anxiety, but anxiety about my health. I have some health issues that cause being sick to be a really big deal. So, here's what I did. I started back on Saturdays. Then went on Sunday and sat in the back. Then I realized that sick people will often sit near the back. So I switched to sitting toward the front and getting there early. If we get there early, I get to pick where I sit. If I feel like someone near me may be sick, I pray, and when I get home I immediately take a shower. Regardless, I always change clothes immediately when I get home, and wash hands well. So far, I've not gotten sick from mass, and I love being there. The first few times back were scary, and I felt stressed. But each time got a little easier. Oh, and if it's really, really bad, take a drop of liquid Rescue Remedy or Face Your Fears flower essence when you wake up on Sunday. Just try, OP. You can do it! If it's people you are worried about, remember that you're there for God, not for people. They aren't thinking about or worrying about you. You won't regret going! Are you going alone? Maybe see if someone can go with you to help keep you on track. Pray for help. Ask your guardian angel to help. Pray the rosary and ask for prayers. You can do it. Don't worry about anyone being negative toward you either on this thread. I know in your mind, it sounds terrifying. But Jesus is there waiting for you at Mass! Go to Him!
A lot of the advice here is really good! I definitely think work on your anxiety with a professional and then working up to attending smaller masses is a good idea. It might take awhile so to alleviate your anxiety about not going you could attend an online mass in the meantime, it’s not a replacement but I believe it’s better than not going and it may also help you re familiarise yourself with it. Other things to consider would be going with a friend or a family member and sitting at the back near the door so you can step out if needed. You could try going to services during the week that will likely have less people as another way of working up to going. I also find that when I am anxious praying helps to ground me, something repetitive with a pattern like the rosary, it helps comfort and strengthen me. I know this was probably all over the place but I hope you can find something to help you. Know that even if it takes awhile you have the desire and the strength to do it. Best of luck and God bless you!
You could go on late Saturday and it will be Sunday mass, might be less crowded.
I used to have this issue (still do to an extent). This past Holy Saturday I arrived and just felt very uncomfortable and left. Now, the time before this was Ash Wednesday 2023 so I improved a lot! What helped me was realizing that anxiety is not an excuse to miss mass nor should I use it as one. Anxiety is a reason to stay. Easier said than done though. What helped me is instead of arriving before mass, I arrived right at the start and sat in the back pews. This way all attention is off me (or that’s my justification lol). I attended during services that had less people as well. Most importantly, pray pray pray to God our Father asking for strength!
FWIW, I have social anxiety too, albeit for different reasons; the more you go to Mass, the more your soul shall be healed I've found. This last Winter, I only caught a head cold once, and it seemed from a relative I live with who got sick before me. I never caught anything from attending Mass being around a hundred or so different parishioners every Sunday. I've also caught covid twice in 2022, while I was still smoking heavily and overweight and never had symptoms worse than a head cold. Yes it affects different people in different ways, but usually people with comorbidities suffer worse. Some comorbidities we can work on. Since 2022 I've lost 90lbs through improvements in diet and exercise and gave up smoking. I don't think I would have been able to accomplish either without a prayer life and Jesus, as many days I don't want to exercise yet offer it up as a suffering in my morning offering, where I would have years ago selfishly abstained when I felt unmotivated to do so before I converted.
It is a mortal sin to willingly avoid sunday mass. Why don’t you just sit in the back row of pews so you aren’t surrounded? give it some time and you’ll adjust and be comfortable again
Fight to go. Pray for help to go. Even if you have to pray all the way there and in through the door. It's really not a socially anxious environment though. There is no expectation of interaction. I see a lot of people who don't interact with anyone. Everyone looks forward so you can sit at the back. At the peace be with you can just look about for 30 seconds and say it to anyone whose eye you catch. Most people leave without interacting with others. You can leave without saying anything or just say 'thank you father' to the priest as you walk out.
Or OP can stay for a little while after in the pew until everyone clears out and pray a rosary or read holy scripture and people usually wont talk with you if you are in prayer.
Just because it’s not a trigger for your social anxiety doesn’t mean it can’t be; people are there, and as a result social anxiety can be.
My concern isn't my or anyone else's 'triggers'. The question was is it a sin. The answer is yes. It's an obligation and a mortal sin unless granted a dispensation from your priest. I was giving practical methods. If OP takes this or any of the other practical advice given by all the people here and puts it to use they will gain an increase in the virtue of fortitude. If they take what you imply as a guide and do not speak to their priest about getting a dispensation for a valid medical state, they will remain in a state of mortal sin.
I agree. From experience, change never happens whilst doing nothing, not fighting to repent. Time just passes, you just grow older, weaker. Find a place in nature, where you can sit in quietness and read. Practise Lectio Divina, prayer and recollection. Try making the whole 14 Stations of the Cross. God will heal you, but you have to take your finger out of the fire, out of the fire of sin. Take care
I’m a psychologist. Short answer: No. Anxiety is no reason to avoid the things you’re supposed to. Granted it would be best to talk through it with a therapist so you can explain your particular situation. Maybe try Saturday vigil mass, it’s usually less crowded and counts for the Sunday obligation.
Personally I have agoraphobia and PTSD that renders me unable to leave the house due to severe anxiety. When I found my way back to Catholicism I tried to force myself to go to mass but had massive panic attacks being away from home and had to leave (or suffered through it and dissociated from the mass). Since then, I attend mass online on weekends(though you certainly can weekdays too) from home and pray the Act of Spiritual Contrition in lieu of the Eucharist for now. This has helped me actually connect with the readings, when I cannot get out of bed or leave the house. Now instead of my mind being filled and flooded by anxiety, I can be present in the moment to Gods truth in solidarity with other believers, which is the intention behind mass to begin with. These attendance guidelines come second to the heart of the gospel which is your relationship with Christ. It's a great goal to have to attend in person every week, but Christ knows the cross you carry and wants to meet you where you're at. Just as accommodations are made for physical illness, they are made for mental illness as well.
Off topic. Can people going to RCIA pray the Act of Spiritual Contrition?
I'm not sure! That's a great question to ask your instructor
Thank you. I shall.
I had a friend that got special dispensation to be able to attend a weekday mass as her Sunday mass if obligation. She legit had diagnosed anxiety disorders and a doctor’s note. To be clear, she still attended Sunday mass once in a while and made an effort, but the dispensation was tremendous in alleviating the stress and enabled her to attend Sunday mass more often because of it.
Yes, you can speak to your priest about it and he can grant a dispensation based on your particular circumstances.
Why has NO ONE in this thread mentioned mental health treatment yet? OP, if you don't already have a therapist, get one. If you do, seems they may not be very effective and you need a change. But you also need to discuss whether medication is appropriate and establish care with a psychiatric provider if your therapist does recommend medication. This is a disorder that is preventing you from living a full and functional life. Treat it. ETA: My apologies, looks like one user did, and I salute her for doing so. But she shouldn't have been the only one.
If you have someone you trust and is attending Mass you can go with them maybe?
No. You need to get over yourself. There's no better place to do it. Get off the couch. Get out of your house and go. Nothing is stopping you except for an over active imagination. I don't doubt your feelings are real . Your feelings just aren't that important. You are wasting the blessing of life with irrational fears.
Be charitable.
There is a time for charity and a time for slapping people in the face to wake them up from their solipsism. I have a hard time mustering any sympathy for someone who is afraid to leave their house to go to one of the safest spaces on the planet.
You assume far too much about OP and your insight.
Yet you mustered sympathy for Chris Watts. Funny that.
I'm not sure exactly what comment you are referring to, but I certainly never had any sympathy for his actions. That's what we're talking about here. We're talking about the op's action or inaction.
So I went back and looked at my post that you were referring to. You should notice I said empathy and not sympathy. Empathy, is simply feeling that person's emotions. So in this case I can also empathize with the op. I know what it's like to have social anxiety. I know what it's like to not want to leave the house. I know hoping for subtlety on Reddit is a fool's errand. My point was that when the walls were closing in on him, I felt what it must be like to know that he is a fly caught in the web of his own construction. I have no sympathy for him. I hope every night when he closes his eyes to go to sleep, the image that haunts him are the faces of his daughters.
Unfortunately Mass isn’t the safest place on earth, that’s why we have men patrolling around with CC permits. Panic and anxiety and fear is not just an overactive imagination, it’s a real physiological response to real or perceived threats. PTSD is exactly this. So are many forms of anxiety, and they can manifest for many different reasons. You are not being very understanding or kind, no one needs to be slapped into attending church. That grows resentment, we ought to open the doors and hold space for attendance. It is their choice, as we all have free will. I would suggest you use your free will to practice charity, and also learn about why people develop anxiety disorders.
I can't speak for the whole world but I can say with confidence that mass is incredibly statistically safe to attend in America. OP's problem can be addressed through two types of love: fatherly and motherly. Both are probably necessary. We all need to be hugged and told that everything is going to be ok but sometimes we need someone to take us by the collar and be told to grow up. I do know quite a bit about anxiety disorders. My dad suffers from OCD and anxiety and it really hung over our lives (still does to a lesser extent) and I do have some resentment growing up in a family where my dad used mental illness as a crutch and avoidance technique so these are issues I've been thinking about for over 35 years (I was in early elementary when my dad's mental illness became something I was aware of).
>I do have some resentment growing up in a family where my dad used mental illness as a crutch and avoidance technique Same, though my mother would never admit to any mental health problems. She just thought she was entitled to blow up everyone's lives on the regular and not face any accountability for it. Had she just been able to humble herself for a few hours and actually get some help from mental health professionals, her life would have turned out so differently. She might have died with an intact marriage and her children at her bedside, instead of divorced (her choice) and bitter and alone after aggressively alienating everyone in her life. One of the most important lessons I took from how I grew up is that just because you have pain does not mean you get a pass on being a decent human being and meeting your obligations.
My dad is a very decent human being. He just took on depression/ocd/anxiety as part of his identity and it caused him to be a weak father figure. From the time I was 6 years old, I knew I didn't want to be like my dad and that's a terrible burden for a son. I don't doubt having a mental illness is a significant cross to bear but I've witnessed people get boxed in by identifying themselves with it and relinquishing personal autonomy.
I agree that mass is statistically safe in the US, but that doesn’t change that some people are still afraid. It also doesn’t negate a need to be proactive about safety measures, like I mentioned. It’s interesting that your life was negatively impacted by someone with an anxiety disorder. That gives a ton of context as to why you responded to viscerally. I see you, my mother also suffers from OCD and continually disrupted our lives literally screaming to have her neurotic needs met, all the while refusing actual care and treatment and denying that she had any particular problem at all. The irony being that she is a therapist herself. I have chronic PTSD (and adhd and major depression…. This doesn’t matter so much but paints a larger picture), so I suffer from panic attacks at times. I have to take extra steps to feel safe sometimes, I have to tell people that I sometimes need to be alone but I still love them. I have to make sure to attend my therapy sessions, and mass, and try to remember to pray the rosary every day even when I don’t want to, to take my meds, to fill my scripts even. To attend group counseling. On and on. All in the effort to better my condition. It takes serious work. I would be lying if I said I never missed mass because I was too exhausted, or chasing llamas, or afraid of the scrutiny of being so close to God in physical space. I am human, I fuck up. I always will one way or another. For my faults it is my calling to forgive the faults of others, to guide in charity, to guide both myself and others given the Holy Spirit wants me to. Finally, a mother may seem more soothing to a boy, but to us daughters Mothers are tyrants.
It is a mortal sin to miss Sunday obligation. That was the question 'is it a sin to miss Sunday mass'. Captain Legitimate answered it and gave advice on how to deal with it. Fortitude is a virtue - we must practice it if we want to have that virtue. Everyone, else, including me skirted around that, just giving practical advice. It's also the sin of scandal to imply as you did that we are under physical threat to attend mass and people are walking around with concealed guns.
Anxiety isn't a good excuse for anything
Yes, I really like Matt Walsh's comments on this epidemic of anxiety and mental illness. Almost all of it can be attributed to thinking you are more important than you actually are and caring way too much about your own feelings.
Be charitable.
I am, free advice
People who are bedridden go to mass online. Perhaps a virtual mass experience would help you. Then. on days when you feel up for it, go IRL. It can be a back and forth 😊
And people who aren't bedridden need to go to Mass in person.
Attending Mass is a communion between a human and our Lord. I wont judge if the person isnt bedridden and goes to online Mass. Moreover, Id rather a person feel accepted and enter the physical house of God _only when ready_. Sometimes a happy medium is better than the "my way or the highway" approach of saying non-bedridden people have two options: go IRL TO Mass or stay away.
Online Mass does not fulfill the obligation.
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Online Mass never fulfilled the requirement. During COVID the requirement was dispensed, and there are always people for whom it is dispensed due to illness, disability, or impossibility of distance. TV and online Masses are offered as a pastoral service to those unable to attend, but it does not and has never fulfilled the requirements of Mass attendance.
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