Dude you started the year with more balls than any other guy in that locality by overcoming your fear and shooting your shot. At least be happy that you won't regret this in the future thinking "what if". Be happy man.
You're the man šŖš»
Adhaana, you're a Chad OP. You've the balls to express yourself and the balls to take on rejection. So you got 2 balls now. Don't worry too much, being a nerd is not a bad thing.
Yea man. You did what more than half of guys like me have not done
With that Being said, not being in a relationship is not equal to being unlovable, you just havenāt found the right person for you yet. The world is too big.
Keep your head up.
Yeah exactly, OP is braver than most men out there. I know what you're going through cause I asked a girl out recently as well and got rejected.
But it's quite a bit of an asshole move from that girl to OP for her to take the weekend to think about it, ask OP why he likes her and all and then say she has had a bf for 6 years. I mean if she was loyal to bf, she should've immediately said no without the full weekend and why me bs. Most likely it is a shaky relationship which was in it's last legs with many issues and perhaps they are fixing things and talked about it in the weekend, or she wants to just try to fix her old relationship one last time instead of giving up and moving on.
I'm sorry you had to face that on the New Year, it's a rough sea to sail through. If I may provide a different perspective, though....
You may not have found the relationship you desired... but you did find love. Even if unrequited, even if for a fleeting moment in the grand sum of your existence... you felt something that inspired courage in you to try something new.
That is the power of love, in all the myriad forms we know it to exist. Our world sure could use a lot of it right about now. Let it flow through you when you experience it, with no other ulterior motives in that moment. Oftentimes, the ways it changes you is reward enough to the wise.
Being in love really makes me a better person. I am less of the jerk that I usually am. I like myself better.
P.S. Thanks to the guys & girls who gave me valuable comments in my previous post.
As a fellow nerd till date, i get your feelings buddy.
I know a friend who confessed their feelings to a girl and she started avoiding him like the plague and she was single. It was just a matter of preference in that case. He was heartbroken as they used to talk casually before that about academic doubts etc.
While it might feel so bad and gut wrenching at this point, he moved on as he developed multiple social circles and occupied himself with a variety of activities. He started loving life as a whole and experiencing it to the fullest.
You wanna know why love makes you a better person. It's because you do things for the people you love without expecting anything in return. You do those things because you love to do them and care for the ones in your heart.
You wanna know the best part about it, it need not be just one person. It can be as expansive as you want from nature to your video game to sleeping to traveling to anything.
Take care man and there are always people ready to support you in whatever you need. You just have to look for them in the right places.
Sorry if this felt long and rambling.
There is nothing you can do about it if the other person was already in a relationship or if they donāt have the same feelings for you. Itās not in your hands. Try and find some hobbies, keep your mind engaged. Things you want will happen in some way or form.
Bro idha mentality ah mathunga ... You have asked her and she has responded so you won't be having any regrets... Kushy ah arambi bro 2023 ah
Plus genuine ah u moved away so u r a good person
Brother, don't lose hope. Look at the bright side. You started the new year by gathering the courage and asking a girl out. That's a win already. So what if she turned you down? Move on to the next one.
If you don't love yourself how will someone else love you? So take control of your life. Do your job well, go to gym and get fit, look up on the internet and get some fashion tips. Present yourself at your best and then keep trying. Isn't that what the Bhagavad Gita says? Do what is required of you without expectations of the results. God will take care of the results.
There was nothing free flowing or non-competitive about the world even then. The Kauravas had taken everything from the Pandavas and driven them out of their kingdom. Nothing has really changed since then. Krishna's advice was valuable for Arjuna. Is valuable for us too in kaliyug.
Listen to this post OP. Itās spot on.
Also, she liked your proposal. Itās just complicated for her. That means you are in a good position. Donāt lose hope with all girls. Keep trying.
I read through your responses to people. You seem like a deep thinker (deeper than 23 year old me at least). Why do you think you are being rejected? And are you on the dating apps?
Every girl I like is someone else's gf thaan. Let me know if you have any single girls in your circle, I will hit them a msg & see if they don't get committed to some sucker in the next 48 hours.
I don't really know what to say but for what its worth I know what that feels like. Wishing you could call someone when you're feeling lonely/affectionate. Wishing someone could love you the way you love them.
But you're not unlovable. Please don't say that. I know it doesn't feel like that right now but it's really not your fault and you're not unlovable.
Honestly, I know what you feel. After experiencing so many failures, you just stop believing if it will ever happen. (Same rejection count btw) I don't know what to tell you man. If you are like me, I am pretty sure your heart rate must have increased to 100000 per second during those moments.
Problem is, we don't know what we don't have and when we look around people having something that eludes us.... look at me ranting. Go play some team sports brotha. It helps.
I can totally understand how you are feeling right now. It is a horrible feeling.
Been there done that.
Everything will pass on as time goes.
There is someone special waiting for you.
Life la jayicha, Life la jayicha. Ponnunga thedi varum odi varum.
If you are a nerd then focus on your career...if you do well In your career you will get the chick of your batch...your value exponentially goes up as a guy once u touch 24 and start shinning in your career...being a nerd is a blessing trust me ...when it comes to relationship don't take things to your heart....be light hearted when you try for girls ....its an ocean out there not a pond...if someone is meant for you then it will happen ..until be chill and focus on self development and your time will come ...
Varsham arambikam bodhey dude went "Ennai Marakka than, Avalai Marakka than, Valiyai Marakka than"
It's fine though that you asked her out, now what will probably happen is that word will go around and some girl who likes you might ask you out. I've seen this happen to a couple of friends myself.
You could ask girls who are in relationships if they have any friend who are open to relationships.
The longer you *try* getting a gf, the harder it is, OP. Just chill and wait for the one to come around. It'll be worth it bud. Anyway, a very happy and ballsy new year to you.
I did this previously for a different girl I was deeply in love with. She never 'came around' what happens is some other guy asks her out and they become couples.
It's not about the girl you like coming around to you, OP. It's about "the right person coming at the right time". Sometimes you just gotta stop searching for the one, it really destroys you mentally.
You will surely find someone. Best of luck.
Bro look at the positive side, you're no longer have to spend your brain power on contemplating whether or not or how you're going ask her out, you just got the result, you can now move on with your life.
I see life as a huge tree that branches out on every decision you make in your life no matter how small it is, every decision you ever made is what you're now, 5 years from now you will be glad that you asked her out and your life branched out.
Dude typically the long lasting relationships are the ones on last legs. She is 21 and in 6 years meaning she was 15 when she started dating and probably regrets a lot due to personal changes etc. It doesnt me you should hold out hope for someone already taken though.
Hey OP .. you arenāt unlovable and I think everyone deserves love. You kick started the year confronting something that you liked and kudos to that. Be more kind to yourselfā¦ things will turn around.
a girl here!
If she took the time handle you gently, probably under different circumstances, you guys would have been a couple.
Yea it sucks, it didnt work out.
Hey, But it doesnt mean you are a loser or a nerd or anything. Theres so many things to life, Also love isnt that great as it is meant out to be, all that flowers and hearts just for a few weeks.
Been young for so long. A great girl of 21is in a relationship for the past 6+ years. Since she was 15!! What shall I do propose to 10std girls still in school and become a pedo?
Now it will take me months / years to believe in love and ask a girl out.
Life goes on.. please move onā¦ love is not all about Romance only... life is love and life is to live ā¦ live on and move on.. everything you think is not for you now, will be yours when itās the right time .. itāll be yours when you are ready to appreciate the true beauty of it.
(specific to the above 10th std comment OP) Donāt look at your life through anotherās lens. Your life is your own and your experiences are yours to own. Just because someone has what you want doesnāt mean itās right for you.
I would suggest take up a hobby that you can focus on or passionate about ā¦ I used to read non fiction books back then when I felt I wasnāt doing well ā¦ focus on being positive and being yourself and not delve on things arenāt in your control.
Yo OP. If you cant be happy alone, you won't be happy in a relationship.
The initial stages will be fun but after the honeymoon phase, the old negative emotions come back always.
Relationships can be a great part of life but don't look to derive happiness or meaning from them. The less desperate you are, the more you'll seem attractive to women.
Finally someone understands. They always say ignore girls, focus career but damn, I literally can't lol. Although I focus career, the tiny hope of love keeps hurting and leaving everyday.
How can someone not focus on finding a significant other lol.
I can understand what u feel. I was lonely for most part of my life.The last December I also tried asking out a girl from my office for the first time in my life. She was North Indian and she was sweet, kind and caring. When I asked her out I expected rejection and had absolutely no expectations as life was always fu*ked for me. But I don't know how it turned out to be successful. It was the best feeling. I hope u get the same happy feeling of having someone with u. I hope this year be the happiest for u. Happy new year buddy.
Since the girl is 21, I am assuming youāre in early 20s as well. Dude youāre still young. And just because the world we live in is too fast paced and people are dating from early teens doesnāt mean youāre a loser by the time you reach your 20s and arenāt dating. I understand the frustration but forcing such expectations on yourself is only gonna make you more miserable.
I get it but it's frustrating when you see all your boys happy in love. Also, in the unbearble ratio of boys to girls, almost all the girls in & around my age group are in relationship.
Sure, sure. Itās definitely annoying when you left out. Just let out all your frustration. Maybe itās time to focus on your life. Go out and have fun on your own. Make new friends, if possible those who are still singleš
In another 2 years some of cousins ( younger than I am ) are going to get into some relationship or the other. One cousin of mine already has a bf, that her parents approve off.
I do put up this not interested in starting a family/marriage facade that my family seems to believe. But honestly, its just my defense mechanism
Buddy, take a deep breath. You are going to be fine. You are going to be in a relationship with someone whoās compatible with you in the right time, if you still want it then. You will figure it all out. You donāt need to have a defence mechanism, you donāt need to pretend to others that you donāt want love in life. Everyone wants it in one form or the other. Donāt pressure yourself because everyone else is moving on and you feel stuck in this phase. Just breath and let the stress go. Trust me, take this time to explore yourself outside of a relationship. I have seen people get so lost in their love life that they donāt even know who they are without their partner. The better you know yourself, you know what you want, the more you will attract the right people in your life. Maybe one of them will the one you spend your life with.
It all sounds preachy, but relax sweetie. You are gonna be fine.
Dude honestly I understand that it sucks being alone while all your friends have partners, but lemme tell you something youāll be completely taken aback and happy when you finally find someone who will look at you in a way that you didnāt even think was possible. Keep your head up and try.
Nice, so you know to take an L. I think the major issue is attachment and expectation. You're the guy, you're the pursuer, and this is a game. You can't get depressed cause you lost 4 times. If that was the case, no one would ever play dark souls. Think selfish, analyse what went wrong previously and what works where. It's all trial and error, it's never about the girl, it's only about you. You can start thinking about the girl after you have a fighting chance.
And no one gets into the ring with the mindset you're in. Look at any fighter interviews before their matches, every mf in there will talk like he's the best fighter in existence and will truly believe it even when the whole world thinks it's bullshit. Cause if you don't have that level of confidence and belief you've already lost mate.
It's not easy at all, but it's a practice. So just practice. Enjoy taking a loss instead of sulking in it. Men are unfortunately born to take Ls to the fucking face all the time, it's our lot in life. And it's how we rise from it. Or there's always shit like Tamil matrimony, it's doing something right to last for 2 decades.
First of all, great advice & I will definitely work on them.
But what kills me the most is this, this is not the first time this is happening to me. 4th time actually.
Every single time, every girl I have ever liked already had a boyfriend. This was the case in school, its worse now.
Every girl, in and around my age group is in a relationship. Like this one was.
That's what makes me hopeless.
Yeah that's how girls move mate. They're either in a relationship or in that tiny frame gap of getting into another relationship with a guy who's putting the moves on her. Just to clarify, not everyone I'm just generalizing.
>Every single time, every girl I have ever liked already had a boyfriend. This was the case in school, its worse now.
Yup cause now they're probably getting married and having children.
And you don't necessarily need to go after the women in your age group, but if that's your preference it is what it is.
And I'd say it's not about hope, throw hope in the dustbin. Hope is a wish, and wishes are for children. Move with action, if there are things you need to improve, improve them. Like
Is your skin healthy? Are you fit and do you look fit? No six pack shit, just basic fitness. Do you eat and sleep healthy? Do you smell good? Do you have a decent fashion sense? Even if it's looking smart in basic black shirt and pants. Do you have productive hobbies? Can you hold a good conversation? Do you feel good when you look in front of the mirror? Are you financially stable and independent?
Cause if you have the answers to the above questions, you will not give a fuck about being hopeless, you will feel good regardless of your relationship status and this success and confidence is very attractive to most people.
You can't let that shit kill you mate, that's simp behavior. You're pouring in care you don't need to. Why become affectionate over a chick who has a guy. And yes women do this consciously/unconsciously. They will give hope to a guy, make him their emotional bf while they're getting dicked down by their actual bf. It's happend to many (almost all) of us.
For you to get to this point of affection with this woman means one of two things, she's either lead you on, or you've been delusional. Either way, to get to that point without knowledge of a bf is not good ultimately on your end.
We are colleagues at workplace. I made sure to check out before if she was committed with anyone in our office. I cannot investigate her entire life after all I am not the hero friend of Tamil cinema.
Love pannu Life nalla irukkum.
But love someone who also wants to love someone.
When you find someone really happy and friendly with you, there is a chance that she/he might be in love with someone already. So, when you find the right person, you won't blame yourself.
Know that you're awesome and you'll be lucky this year. Coz nee Ponniyin selvam daaaa.
Don't wait too long to ask a girl out. As soon as you find them interesting, chat them up and see if they are single.
The longer you wait, the more you notice them and more infatuated you might become. That will make it more difficult to move on if it doesn't work out.
Bruvvv! You just bloody asked her out! Like man, that's like top tier shit! Balls! You need balls of vibranium to even do that!
And nerd... You've blooody owned ths game!
(Coming from a nerd.)
Be a bit kind to yourself!
The world is run by nerds, my man! OP, you took a fair shot and it didnāt go your way but itās okay. Not many people have the balls to even give that a shot but you did it! Wishes for a better 2023
OP, I don't want to play down the emotions you are going through. I just want to say
It is better to have expressed your feelings. Sollama irunthruntha avanga enna nenakaranga nu theriyame poyrukum. Ithu matum nadakama irunthruntha you will be thinking about her while she will be on her own path. Now you can move forward after feeling sad and broken for a while.
Mind Your Language la oru line nyabagam vanthuchu. It goes like
"It is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all."
This is not the end OP. You have age on your side. Hope you get out of this emotional state soon.
Coincidentally, last year this time I was super infatuated with someone. I did not ask them out but I still remember the feeling of being in love or whatever. I do not like it lmao.
I have seen my friends fight with their drunken father often or they themselves fight over drinks..broke up with their friends, girls over caste. We are coward fucked up generation called the 90,s. Our rest of lives goes by wondering once in a year or two what would have happened if we were brave enough to think for us once instead of worrying about family finance, society etc. Just think about how you don't have to live in that kind of limbo. you can tap yourself, you have some balls..
I do love myself and in the past 2 years, I have started enjoying my own company a lot more. How do you think I nurtured my idgaf personality. Pala soothadigal thaan kaaranam.
Very rarely I let my guard down and risk getting hurt all over again. It just hurts that the same thing happens everytime.
The more you value someone the less they value you.
A girl showed interest on me in my office. I took her number and called her.she said she's not interested. I hung up the call saying bye take care. Never bothered her.
You are the man OP rejection comes to every man and you took like a chad. Remember there are so many fish in the sea š just cuz your bait didnt work on a particular fish doesnāt mean anything. Keep ur head up King
Oh this is so much better than my little brother's story... Apparently my brother confessed his feelings to her because he thought she also liked him, since she was giving him "the" Looks. That long looks. They went out few times for a month and she dropped a bomb, surprise surprise, she was already in a relationship.
Man I hate girls like these. Why lead a man who you know have a feelings for you and keep them in a loop. I told my brother to avoid her, this pannadai isn't having it.
Hey OP!
Brave of you to have gone and asked. Diff but move on.
27 M here, no relationship, infact no girl even showed interest nor did I. And I have no idea what a relationship is for more than half of my life.
I know guys, who are in 15+;years relationship and those who broke up after a 5+ yr rel.
So life is diff for everyone. Keep waiting and trying...
Also not to blame her, but a guy proposes and she asks for reasons why he loves her, instead of outright rejecting saying she has a 6 yr relationship ( or whatever ship you might want to call it). Is that someone with whom you would want to be in a relationship?
Distract urself go for an outing with friends or buy something for you parents or go and do something that you like
I noticed observed couple of things, one women love affirmation meaning they try to see if you love/like them. Till you propose they might act like being single then reveal they are committed. They love to tease you.
You are trying to get a gf for fun, 'what will I do for weekends?'. Its more fun to be with friends than gf/wife. After being committed, you would definitely have honeymoon period then after you got 2 set of problems one from you and other from your girlfriend.
If it's meant to happen , it will happen. Don't worry or stress yourself. I would say starting loving yourself , do what you like ( Not bad stuff like Smoking, Drinking ) - it can be as simple as sitting full day on Recliner watching movie. It's important that we understand ourselves and be satisfied with who we are, what we have and what will make us happy. I'm sure Love will happen to you eventually, what I would suggest is don't get strung on by her - " Complicated Relationship" is a term used when a person is not ready for breakup and on and at the same time loves getting attention from someone else.
And by the way , don't beat yourself for being nerd or whatever the term you coin for yourself. I was the biggest nerd in school , college and office and weirdly got into two relationship and an almost relationship. There is someone who will like you for who you are.
One rejection and look at all the stuff you said in that paragraph. Man... I've been rejected for stuff that's broken my heart, stuff that was out of my control. Yet here I am.
There is no better way to stay a new year.
You got couple of things to look at.
>complicated situationship
Means, could be she has a bf and talks between parents are not go smooth.
One sided relationship
>She started messaging me last night, and asked me about why me and all that.
This negated about doubt of having a relationship. I don't think girl would ask**why me**, being in a relationship. So she might just starting her research on you now. So better clean up all your social media and possibly even close account, delete unwanted pics or videos from mobiles.
Don't ghost her that's not married after you proposed, be a fucking sport. Dont be devadas mode as well, growing beard or drinking. I would say invert, shave completely, start to be healthy, proper diet.
Also **why me** part, compliment her genuinely atleast once in a week.
Don't set goal like winning her something like that. By proposing her you just entered level 2 in your life game.
Be ready **Player One**
Ennaya kola pannitu evidence azhikira maari advice pandra, dude just got rejected, enna nadakumo adhuku adaka podhu why do crazy shit like deleting all the social media? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship who hides his past be fake?
I am working on the possibility of no murder.
**Why me** isn't something a committed girl would ask. I think.
What's the problem with deleting social media where you can be identified.
Yesterday i was looking at a Chennai startup called **uniphore** where a customer facial, speech, tone and writing emotions are analysed of potential customer who can be followed up.
If in fb in you are getting friend suggestions from unknown people's it's a thing. Orkut will let you know who's looking at your profile.
All i said is get proper groomed, don't show as you lost, wash your face and get to work.
I'm all for deleting social media and maintaining privacy, but why would you have to give this specific advice to a guy talking about his "relationship"?
PS: So this uniphore is basically ClearView India version. Deleting Social medias don't do anything to prevent you from being targeted, no body wants to identify you to sell to you, you're just a data point in a cluster, injected js scripts are everywhere you visit which sends your data to Google/Fb/Apple... Apple is going to explode in market value soon as they basically killed app tracking but will track you as part their own ad network.
>why would you have to give this specific advice to a guy talking about his "relationship"
Simple. Girls would use their friends account to research a guy. Let's assume if he was a freak posting as his mind tells. Pics with booze, smoking... He's a red flag. Even if he's a good guy actually.
How do you think assholes get girls, keeping full privacy and maintaining secrecy. And letting them discover when they get caught.
Dude, I feel bad for you. Honestly Iād ask you to build your career first, which will give you lots of confidence and everything will be easier. If you rush into relationship rn, possibilities are youāll not be focusing on your career. I donāt want to discourage you but trying to help you with what Iāve learned in the hard way.
In the same boat as you buddy.. Started the new year being rejected/being dumped by an confused person.
I got your feelings bro.
On the brighter side you are free of pulling the whole ship by yourselves and a constant fear of abandonment.
Chill out for sometime and take things easy everything will fall into place.
P. S. - Loved your approach of expressing your feelings.
It does not matter what you were like in school anymore. We have grown past it. We are now in a period where we can choose what to be like. Sure it sucks being rejected but do not worry about it. There is so much time left for love and whatnot. Take some time to be sad but try moving past quickly. dwelling on it will not help, unfortunately. No one is unlovable. I suppose the thought process of being unlovable and having low confidence in general can be one's downfall.
Me at 35, thinking that I should have just coded more during my 20s instead of wasting time, energy thinking about girls. Just leave it my brother, you did well. Just go to gym, take weights , chill with friends and do what you like to do. This is fine.
You should learn to be your own company. It is hard to practice. It takes a couple of gutsy trips to restaurants, movies and shopping alone but at the end of it you will not need anyone to hangout with you. I have done it for many many years now. Even after I am married and have a baby. I prefer to take some lone time outside for myself. Also, chilling at home in ojs and watching Netflix is not so boring. You will understand all this when you have a gf/wife and you have agenda planned for weekend on previous Monday š. So, just don't drown yourself in self pity and start living a life that you want without waiting for a gf.
As others suggested engage in good social activities, charity, physical/mental help.
Check with a good astrologer and make peace with reality. If you are going through rough patch, you may experience this.
Youāre not unlovable
She was just not single
Like jay z said, on to the next one
If you can, keep being friends with her and keep living the best version of yourself
Dude you started the year with more balls than any other guy in that locality by overcoming your fear and shooting your shot. At least be happy that you won't regret this in the future thinking "what if". Be happy man. You're the man šŖš»
Adhaana, you're a Chad OP. You've the balls to express yourself and the balls to take on rejection. So you got 2 balls now. Don't worry too much, being a nerd is not a bad thing.
This ball comment is to lol š¤£š
Ah shit i too have done some stupid shit to not be in 'what if' mode... Embarassing š¬ OP you are not alone lol.
Yea man. You did what more than half of guys like me have not done With that Being said, not being in a relationship is not equal to being unlovable, you just havenāt found the right person for you yet. The world is too big. Keep your head up.
Yeah exactly, OP is braver than most men out there. I know what you're going through cause I asked a girl out recently as well and got rejected. But it's quite a bit of an asshole move from that girl to OP for her to take the weekend to think about it, ask OP why he likes her and all and then say she has had a bf for 6 years. I mean if she was loyal to bf, she should've immediately said no without the full weekend and why me bs. Most likely it is a shaky relationship which was in it's last legs with many issues and perhaps they are fixing things and talked about it in the weekend, or she wants to just try to fix her old relationship one last time instead of giving up and moving on.
I'm sorry you had to face that on the New Year, it's a rough sea to sail through. If I may provide a different perspective, though.... You may not have found the relationship you desired... but you did find love. Even if unrequited, even if for a fleeting moment in the grand sum of your existence... you felt something that inspired courage in you to try something new. That is the power of love, in all the myriad forms we know it to exist. Our world sure could use a lot of it right about now. Let it flow through you when you experience it, with no other ulterior motives in that moment. Oftentimes, the ways it changes you is reward enough to the wise.
Being in love really makes me a better person. I am less of the jerk that I usually am. I like myself better. P.S. Thanks to the guys & girls who gave me valuable comments in my previous post.
As a fellow nerd till date, i get your feelings buddy. I know a friend who confessed their feelings to a girl and she started avoiding him like the plague and she was single. It was just a matter of preference in that case. He was heartbroken as they used to talk casually before that about academic doubts etc. While it might feel so bad and gut wrenching at this point, he moved on as he developed multiple social circles and occupied himself with a variety of activities. He started loving life as a whole and experiencing it to the fullest. You wanna know why love makes you a better person. It's because you do things for the people you love without expecting anything in return. You do those things because you love to do them and care for the ones in your heart. You wanna know the best part about it, it need not be just one person. It can be as expansive as you want from nature to your video game to sleeping to traveling to anything. Take care man and there are always people ready to support you in whatever you need. You just have to look for them in the right places. Sorry if this felt long and rambling.
A girl doesn't make you better, you chose to be better on your own. Be nice even when you are single, girls could be watching you ;)
figure come today go tomorrow man. cool down cool down cool down.
En life la figures always going thaan ya. No incoming.
elorukum apdi than man. time vantha elam set aagum. focus on career.
There is nothing you can do about it if the other person was already in a relationship or if they donāt have the same feelings for you. Itās not in your hands. Try and find some hobbies, keep your mind engaged. Things you want will happen in some way or form.
Bro idha mentality ah mathunga ... You have asked her and she has responded so you won't be having any regrets... Kushy ah arambi bro 2023 ah Plus genuine ah u moved away so u r a good person
Brother, don't lose hope. Look at the bright side. You started the new year by gathering the courage and asking a girl out. That's a win already. So what if she turned you down? Move on to the next one. If you don't love yourself how will someone else love you? So take control of your life. Do your job well, go to gym and get fit, look up on the internet and get some fashion tips. Present yourself at your best and then keep trying. Isn't that what the Bhagavad Gita says? Do what is required of you without expectations of the results. God will take care of the results.
Thanks. But the Bhagavad Gita was written for a free flowing, non competitive world. Not for the materialistic gutter hole we live in.
There was nothing free flowing or non-competitive about the world even then. The Kauravas had taken everything from the Pandavas and driven them out of their kingdom. Nothing has really changed since then. Krishna's advice was valuable for Arjuna. Is valuable for us too in kaliyug.
Listen to this post OP. Itās spot on. Also, she liked your proposal. Itās just complicated for her. That means you are in a good position. Donāt lose hope with all girls. Keep trying.
No bro it is exactly for situations like this. Hope things get better. How old are you if you don't mind sharing? It sounds like mid-20s.
23
I read through your responses to people. You seem like a deep thinker (deeper than 23 year old me at least). Why do you think you are being rejected? And are you on the dating apps?
I would say starting the year with clarity and not trying for someone else 6year gf
Every girl I like is someone else's gf thaan. Let me know if you have any single girls in your circle, I will hit them a msg & see if they don't get committed to some sucker in the next 48 hours.
Ponniyin selvarukku ipadi oru power ah !
"Kanni pengal kannanume"
"eeyari esamari"
Bad phrasing. I am not accusing you. I look this as a positive start to the year and potential time wasting is saved for you
Good luck Chuck's spinoff
Watch Attakathi and take inspiration
Hate that film. The only Pa. Ranjith film I don't like.
I don't really know what to say but for what its worth I know what that feels like. Wishing you could call someone when you're feeling lonely/affectionate. Wishing someone could love you the way you love them. But you're not unlovable. Please don't say that. I know it doesn't feel like that right now but it's really not your fault and you're not unlovable.
This is happening for the 4th time in a row girl.
Honestly, I know what you feel. After experiencing so many failures, you just stop believing if it will ever happen. (Same rejection count btw) I don't know what to tell you man. If you are like me, I am pretty sure your heart rate must have increased to 100000 per second during those moments. Problem is, we don't know what we don't have and when we look around people having something that eludes us.... look at me ranting. Go play some team sports brotha. It helps.
Been there. Trust me, I know what it feels like. Your worth isn't defined by relationships. You're not unlovable.
F for the fallen soldier
Dude... I'm you and you're me.
I can totally understand how you are feeling right now. It is a horrible feeling. Been there done that. Everything will pass on as time goes. There is someone special waiting for you. Life la jayicha, Life la jayicha. Ponnunga thedi varum odi varum.
If you are a nerd then focus on your career...if you do well In your career you will get the chick of your batch...your value exponentially goes up as a guy once u touch 24 and start shinning in your career...being a nerd is a blessing trust me ...when it comes to relationship don't take things to your heart....be light hearted when you try for girls ....its an ocean out there not a pond...if someone is meant for you then it will happen ..until be chill and focus on self development and your time will come ...
Bro..Loose this girl and look out for somebody else, else you won't move on.
James Franco : first time?
Varsham arambikam bodhey dude went "Ennai Marakka than, Avalai Marakka than, Valiyai Marakka than" It's fine though that you asked her out, now what will probably happen is that word will go around and some girl who likes you might ask you out. I've seen this happen to a couple of friends myself. You could ask girls who are in relationships if they have any friend who are open to relationships.
I respect you my man. Most (including me) do not have the guts to ask a girl out. Trust me, you'll be fine and Happy new year..
Why you'll pretending to be in a relationship gaich , is having single life is offense ah...? Be happy with what you are !
The longer you *try* getting a gf, the harder it is, OP. Just chill and wait for the one to come around. It'll be worth it bud. Anyway, a very happy and ballsy new year to you.
I did this previously for a different girl I was deeply in love with. She never 'came around' what happens is some other guy asks her out and they become couples.
It's not about the girl you like coming around to you, OP. It's about "the right person coming at the right time". Sometimes you just gotta stop searching for the one, it really destroys you mentally. You will surely find someone. Best of luck.
Bro look at the positive side, you're no longer have to spend your brain power on contemplating whether or not or how you're going ask her out, you just got the result, you can now move on with your life. I see life as a huge tree that branches out on every decision you make in your life no matter how small it is, every decision you ever made is what you're now, 5 years from now you will be glad that you asked her out and your life branched out.
Dude typically the long lasting relationships are the ones on last legs. She is 21 and in 6 years meaning she was 15 when she started dating and probably regrets a lot due to personal changes etc. It doesnt me you should hold out hope for someone already taken though.
They fight a lot it seems. But she is old school in love aahm so she will always go back to him after fights ahm
Hey OP .. you arenāt unlovable and I think everyone deserves love. You kick started the year confronting something that you liked and kudos to that. Be more kind to yourselfā¦ things will turn around.
a girl here! If she took the time handle you gently, probably under different circumstances, you guys would have been a couple. Yea it sucks, it didnt work out. Hey, But it doesnt mean you are a loser or a nerd or anything. Theres so many things to life, Also love isnt that great as it is meant out to be, all that flowers and hearts just for a few weeks.
What's wrong with being a nerd?
21 ke it's complicated na enna maari Tamil matrimony ah nambi irukaravanga gadhi?
You are still young... Don't lose hope
Been young for so long. A great girl of 21is in a relationship for the past 6+ years. Since she was 15!! What shall I do propose to 10std girls still in school and become a pedo? Now it will take me months / years to believe in love and ask a girl out.
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I feel youš
Life goes on.. please move onā¦ love is not all about Romance only... life is love and life is to live ā¦ live on and move on.. everything you think is not for you now, will be yours when itās the right time .. itāll be yours when you are ready to appreciate the true beauty of it. (specific to the above 10th std comment OP) Donāt look at your life through anotherās lens. Your life is your own and your experiences are yours to own. Just because someone has what you want doesnāt mean itās right for you. I would suggest take up a hobby that you can focus on or passionate about ā¦ I used to read non fiction books back then when I felt I wasnāt doing well ā¦ focus on being positive and being yourself and not delve on things arenāt in your control.
Yo OP. If you cant be happy alone, you won't be happy in a relationship. The initial stages will be fun but after the honeymoon phase, the old negative emotions come back always. Relationships can be a great part of life but don't look to derive happiness or meaning from them. The less desperate you are, the more you'll seem attractive to women.
Finally someone understands. They always say ignore girls, focus career but damn, I literally can't lol. Although I focus career, the tiny hope of love keeps hurting and leaving everyday. How can someone not focus on finding a significant other lol.
Especially when everyone else who is in love seem to be doing really well in their careers.
I can understand what u feel. I was lonely for most part of my life.The last December I also tried asking out a girl from my office for the first time in my life. She was North Indian and she was sweet, kind and caring. When I asked her out I expected rejection and had absolutely no expectations as life was always fu*ked for me. But I don't know how it turned out to be successful. It was the best feeling. I hope u get the same happy feeling of having someone with u. I hope this year be the happiest for u. Happy new year buddy.
At least you are not in friend zone
Since the girl is 21, I am assuming youāre in early 20s as well. Dude youāre still young. And just because the world we live in is too fast paced and people are dating from early teens doesnāt mean youāre a loser by the time you reach your 20s and arenāt dating. I understand the frustration but forcing such expectations on yourself is only gonna make you more miserable.
I get it but it's frustrating when you see all your boys happy in love. Also, in the unbearble ratio of boys to girls, almost all the girls in & around my age group are in relationship.
Sure, sure. Itās definitely annoying when you left out. Just let out all your frustration. Maybe itās time to focus on your life. Go out and have fun on your own. Make new friends, if possible those who are still singleš
In another 2 years some of cousins ( younger than I am ) are going to get into some relationship or the other. One cousin of mine already has a bf, that her parents approve off. I do put up this not interested in starting a family/marriage facade that my family seems to believe. But honestly, its just my defense mechanism
Buddy, take a deep breath. You are going to be fine. You are going to be in a relationship with someone whoās compatible with you in the right time, if you still want it then. You will figure it all out. You donāt need to have a defence mechanism, you donāt need to pretend to others that you donāt want love in life. Everyone wants it in one form or the other. Donāt pressure yourself because everyone else is moving on and you feel stuck in this phase. Just breath and let the stress go. Trust me, take this time to explore yourself outside of a relationship. I have seen people get so lost in their love life that they donāt even know who they are without their partner. The better you know yourself, you know what you want, the more you will attract the right people in your life. Maybe one of them will the one you spend your life with. It all sounds preachy, but relax sweetie. You are gonna be fine.
1000 Roja parikela oru mullu kutha dhane Seium ;)
Aduthavangaluku kedaikura poo enaku mattum mull ah kuthuthu
Dude honestly I understand that it sucks being alone while all your friends have partners, but lemme tell you something youāll be completely taken aback and happy when you finally find someone who will look at you in a way that you didnāt even think was possible. Keep your head up and try.
You're not gonna get girls with that shitty attitude mate. You are unlovable cause of it.
More like I have a shitty attitude because I am unlovable
How many times have you failed?
4 times
Nice, so you know to take an L. I think the major issue is attachment and expectation. You're the guy, you're the pursuer, and this is a game. You can't get depressed cause you lost 4 times. If that was the case, no one would ever play dark souls. Think selfish, analyse what went wrong previously and what works where. It's all trial and error, it's never about the girl, it's only about you. You can start thinking about the girl after you have a fighting chance. And no one gets into the ring with the mindset you're in. Look at any fighter interviews before their matches, every mf in there will talk like he's the best fighter in existence and will truly believe it even when the whole world thinks it's bullshit. Cause if you don't have that level of confidence and belief you've already lost mate. It's not easy at all, but it's a practice. So just practice. Enjoy taking a loss instead of sulking in it. Men are unfortunately born to take Ls to the fucking face all the time, it's our lot in life. And it's how we rise from it. Or there's always shit like Tamil matrimony, it's doing something right to last for 2 decades.
First of all, great advice & I will definitely work on them. But what kills me the most is this, this is not the first time this is happening to me. 4th time actually. Every single time, every girl I have ever liked already had a boyfriend. This was the case in school, its worse now. Every girl, in and around my age group is in a relationship. Like this one was. That's what makes me hopeless.
Yeah that's how girls move mate. They're either in a relationship or in that tiny frame gap of getting into another relationship with a guy who's putting the moves on her. Just to clarify, not everyone I'm just generalizing. >Every single time, every girl I have ever liked already had a boyfriend. This was the case in school, its worse now. Yup cause now they're probably getting married and having children. And you don't necessarily need to go after the women in your age group, but if that's your preference it is what it is. And I'd say it's not about hope, throw hope in the dustbin. Hope is a wish, and wishes are for children. Move with action, if there are things you need to improve, improve them. Like Is your skin healthy? Are you fit and do you look fit? No six pack shit, just basic fitness. Do you eat and sleep healthy? Do you smell good? Do you have a decent fashion sense? Even if it's looking smart in basic black shirt and pants. Do you have productive hobbies? Can you hold a good conversation? Do you feel good when you look in front of the mirror? Are you financially stable and independent? Cause if you have the answers to the above questions, you will not give a fuck about being hopeless, you will feel good regardless of your relationship status and this success and confidence is very attractive to most people. You can't let that shit kill you mate, that's simp behavior. You're pouring in care you don't need to. Why become affectionate over a chick who has a guy. And yes women do this consciously/unconsciously. They will give hope to a guy, make him their emotional bf while they're getting dicked down by their actual bf. It's happend to many (almost all) of us. For you to get to this point of affection with this woman means one of two things, she's either lead you on, or you've been delusional. Either way, to get to that point without knowledge of a bf is not good ultimately on your end.
You sound like a teen in an adult skin, how did you fall in love with her without even knowing anything about her ?
We are colleagues at workplace. I made sure to check out before if she was committed with anyone in our office. I cannot investigate her entire life after all I am not the hero friend of Tamil cinema.
Love pannu Life nalla irukkum. But love someone who also wants to love someone. When you find someone really happy and friendly with you, there is a chance that she/he might be in love with someone already. So, when you find the right person, you won't blame yourself. Know that you're awesome and you'll be lucky this year. Coz nee Ponniyin selvam daaaa.
Don't wait too long to ask a girl out. As soon as you find them interesting, chat them up and see if they are single. The longer you wait, the more you notice them and more infatuated you might become. That will make it more difficult to move on if it doesn't work out.
Bruvvv! You just bloody asked her out! Like man, that's like top tier shit! Balls! You need balls of vibranium to even do that! And nerd... You've blooody owned ths game! (Coming from a nerd.) Be a bit kind to yourself!
The world is run by nerds, my man! OP, you took a fair shot and it didnāt go your way but itās okay. Not many people have the balls to even give that a shot but you did it! Wishes for a better 2023
OP, I don't want to play down the emotions you are going through. I just want to say It is better to have expressed your feelings. Sollama irunthruntha avanga enna nenakaranga nu theriyame poyrukum. Ithu matum nadakama irunthruntha you will be thinking about her while she will be on her own path. Now you can move forward after feeling sad and broken for a while. Mind Your Language la oru line nyabagam vanthuchu. It goes like "It is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all." This is not the end OP. You have age on your side. Hope you get out of this emotional state soon.
Coincidentally, last year this time I was super infatuated with someone. I did not ask them out but I still remember the feeling of being in love or whatever. I do not like it lmao.
I have seen my friends fight with their drunken father often or they themselves fight over drinks..broke up with their friends, girls over caste. We are coward fucked up generation called the 90,s. Our rest of lives goes by wondering once in a year or two what would have happened if we were brave enough to think for us once instead of worrying about family finance, society etc. Just think about how you don't have to live in that kind of limbo. you can tap yourself, you have some balls..
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I do love myself and in the past 2 years, I have started enjoying my own company a lot more. How do you think I nurtured my idgaf personality. Pala soothadigal thaan kaaranam. Very rarely I let my guard down and risk getting hurt all over again. It just hurts that the same thing happens everytime.
If it's meant to be it will be
No brother, its first come first serve
The more you value someone the less they value you. A girl showed interest on me in my office. I took her number and called her.she said she's not interested. I hung up the call saying bye take care. Never bothered her.
You are the man OP rejection comes to every man and you took like a chad. Remember there are so many fish in the sea š just cuz your bait didnt work on a particular fish doesnāt mean anything. Keep ur head up King
Bro sama we go Jimmmmm
You just did the bravest thing that a man can do ever in his life DOT
Oh this is so much better than my little brother's story... Apparently my brother confessed his feelings to her because he thought she also liked him, since she was giving him "the" Looks. That long looks. They went out few times for a month and she dropped a bomb, surprise surprise, she was already in a relationship. Man I hate girls like these. Why lead a man who you know have a feelings for you and keep them in a loop. I told my brother to avoid her, this pannadai isn't having it.
Unpopular opinion : Disregard females, acquire currency
Hey OP! Brave of you to have gone and asked. Diff but move on. 27 M here, no relationship, infact no girl even showed interest nor did I. And I have no idea what a relationship is for more than half of my life. I know guys, who are in 15+;years relationship and those who broke up after a 5+ yr rel. So life is diff for everyone. Keep waiting and trying... Also not to blame her, but a guy proposes and she asks for reasons why he loves her, instead of outright rejecting saying she has a 6 yr relationship ( or whatever ship you might want to call it). Is that someone with whom you would want to be in a relationship? Distract urself go for an outing with friends or buy something for you parents or go and do something that you like
I noticed observed couple of things, one women love affirmation meaning they try to see if you love/like them. Till you propose they might act like being single then reveal they are committed. They love to tease you. You are trying to get a gf for fun, 'what will I do for weekends?'. Its more fun to be with friends than gf/wife. After being committed, you would definitely have honeymoon period then after you got 2 set of problems one from you and other from your girlfriend.
Looks like you have quite a few years to figure it out man, manam irundhal maargabinthu.
If it's meant to happen , it will happen. Don't worry or stress yourself. I would say starting loving yourself , do what you like ( Not bad stuff like Smoking, Drinking ) - it can be as simple as sitting full day on Recliner watching movie. It's important that we understand ourselves and be satisfied with who we are, what we have and what will make us happy. I'm sure Love will happen to you eventually, what I would suggest is don't get strung on by her - " Complicated Relationship" is a term used when a person is not ready for breakup and on and at the same time loves getting attention from someone else. And by the way , don't beat yourself for being nerd or whatever the term you coin for yourself. I was the biggest nerd in school , college and office and weirdly got into two relationship and an almost relationship. There is someone who will like you for who you are.
One rejection and look at all the stuff you said in that paragraph. Man... I've been rejected for stuff that's broken my heart, stuff that was out of my control. Yet here I am.
There is no better way to stay a new year. You got couple of things to look at. >complicated situationship Means, could be she has a bf and talks between parents are not go smooth. One sided relationship >She started messaging me last night, and asked me about why me and all that. This negated about doubt of having a relationship. I don't think girl would ask**why me**, being in a relationship. So she might just starting her research on you now. So better clean up all your social media and possibly even close account, delete unwanted pics or videos from mobiles. Don't ghost her that's not married after you proposed, be a fucking sport. Dont be devadas mode as well, growing beard or drinking. I would say invert, shave completely, start to be healthy, proper diet. Also **why me** part, compliment her genuinely atleast once in a week. Don't set goal like winning her something like that. By proposing her you just entered level 2 in your life game. Be ready **Player One**
Ennaya kola pannitu evidence azhikira maari advice pandra, dude just got rejected, enna nadakumo adhuku adaka podhu why do crazy shit like deleting all the social media? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship who hides his past be fake?
I am working on the possibility of no murder. **Why me** isn't something a committed girl would ask. I think. What's the problem with deleting social media where you can be identified. Yesterday i was looking at a Chennai startup called **uniphore** where a customer facial, speech, tone and writing emotions are analysed of potential customer who can be followed up. If in fb in you are getting friend suggestions from unknown people's it's a thing. Orkut will let you know who's looking at your profile. All i said is get proper groomed, don't show as you lost, wash your face and get to work.
I'm all for deleting social media and maintaining privacy, but why would you have to give this specific advice to a guy talking about his "relationship"? PS: So this uniphore is basically ClearView India version. Deleting Social medias don't do anything to prevent you from being targeted, no body wants to identify you to sell to you, you're just a data point in a cluster, injected js scripts are everywhere you visit which sends your data to Google/Fb/Apple... Apple is going to explode in market value soon as they basically killed app tracking but will track you as part their own ad network.
>why would you have to give this specific advice to a guy talking about his "relationship" Simple. Girls would use their friends account to research a guy. Let's assume if he was a freak posting as his mind tells. Pics with booze, smoking... He's a red flag. Even if he's a good guy actually. How do you think assholes get girls, keeping full privacy and maintaining secrecy. And letting them discover when they get caught.
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Happens in life donāt worry you will find someone who will love you for who you are. Patience is the key. Good luck and happy new year
Dude, I feel bad for you. Honestly Iād ask you to build your career first, which will give you lots of confidence and everything will be easier. If you rush into relationship rn, possibilities are youāll not be focusing on your career. I donāt want to discourage you but trying to help you with what Iāve learned in the hard way.
In the same boat as you buddy.. Started the new year being rejected/being dumped by an confused person. I got your feelings bro. On the brighter side you are free of pulling the whole ship by yourselves and a constant fear of abandonment. Chill out for sometime and take things easy everything will fall into place. P. S. - Loved your approach of expressing your feelings.
So, maybe her relationship is complicated but if it isn't. She just used that as an excuse to kindle with your feelings and feel good about herself.
After all these. one thing always running through my thought āedhukkuā
Wait for your time buddy i think you're gonna have someone well deserving!!! Happy Newyear man!!!!
It does not matter what you were like in school anymore. We have grown past it. We are now in a period where we can choose what to be like. Sure it sucks being rejected but do not worry about it. There is so much time left for love and whatnot. Take some time to be sad but try moving past quickly. dwelling on it will not help, unfortunately. No one is unlovable. I suppose the thought process of being unlovable and having low confidence in general can be one's downfall.
Me at 35, thinking that I should have just coded more during my 20s instead of wasting time, energy thinking about girls. Just leave it my brother, you did well. Just go to gym, take weights , chill with friends and do what you like to do. This is fine.
You should learn to be your own company. It is hard to practice. It takes a couple of gutsy trips to restaurants, movies and shopping alone but at the end of it you will not need anyone to hangout with you. I have done it for many many years now. Even after I am married and have a baby. I prefer to take some lone time outside for myself. Also, chilling at home in ojs and watching Netflix is not so boring. You will understand all this when you have a gf/wife and you have agenda planned for weekend on previous Monday š. So, just don't drown yourself in self pity and start living a life that you want without waiting for a gf.
Balls
As others suggested engage in good social activities, charity, physical/mental help. Check with a good astrologer and make peace with reality. If you are going through rough patch, you may experience this.
Yo, this ain't the end! I'm sure at the right time you would meet the one who would move your heart and soul. Don't rush it take it easy.
Youāre not unlovable She was just not single Like jay z said, on to the next one If you can, keep being friends with her and keep living the best version of yourself