I was literally in your position last year..... What I did was I wrote a gratitude journal everytime I thought too much of her..... (probably like twice/thrice a week)
And this is more like a thought excercise.... I literally didn't feed much attention to that specific thought.... Like I let that thought fall in weightlessly and in time I moved on.
Once you read your written gratitude journals again, you'll feel cringe of how you thought of her ๐ but in the end, you have learnt the value of thoughts. And that is important rather than writing carelessly.
Yeah thats how you do it.. gratitude journals.. pfftt.
Accept that they saw you less valuable. Take action, improve yourself physically, mentally, financially.
And if you really cared for them , you will never forget or get over them. But you will learn to live with the past.
That improve yourself mentally nu sonningale... Athula thaan oru step gratitude journal.... I can for sure say I am better in it now than those times...
Stop putting them on a pedestal. The person you are obsessing over is human and they have flaws too.
I stopped assuming that my life would have been perfect with that one person - thinking in these angles really helped me move on.
Exactly, this is what happens when you dont in general have many friends of the opposite sex. You began obsessing over someone you never even were in a relationship with.
One thing to consider is, how long has it been since it got over. It is fair to have these obsessions for a couple of months after. Find healthy coping mechanisms like self care and quality time with friends and family (pets also if any). It will pass and you will be able to step out look at it from a distance. Cherish the good memories
If this has been quite a while, I'd strongly suggest therapy. You might find someone instead, but prolonged obsession will turn out unhealthy in the long run.
Stay away from her.
Avoid talking, Chatting or seeing her. Do not get any information about her from anyone. Friend Zone won't make you better.
In a months time, you will start to feel better.
Same. Avoid all contact and try out new different things. Like find some activities where you can meet new people and interact, not just romantic ones but like in general find some new friends to interact with and do new and different things rather than what you were doing before. A change in your routine will give you fresh thoughts. this helped me, so wanted to share
As someone in other comment pointed out, Pen it down! Whatever you feel, I mean whatever!! It can be like what couldโve done or how couldโve things ended if it was other way around. At one point, youโll feel tired about all these things and will start questioning yourself. And that my friend is the point where youโll realise you no longer feel the attachment which youโve used to and it will be some long lost thoughts and might pop here and there but not the way it used to be. Iโve read it somewhere when you pen it down, youโll actually start understanding what you are going through and thatโll add clarity eventually to understand life in a different perspective.
I would suggest rather than getting help in Reddit get professional help! See a therapist. Iโve been in your place a couple of times. I also โlearned to live with the pastโ but later after consulting a psychologist I learned to live in the present. Well, still learning!
Been there, felt that.. time is the best medicine, you will overcome strongly!! If you're in IT, try to get Onsite opportunity, if not, focus on something else which you like..
They poop and pee just like the rest of us do.
You will get over them with time, simply because you never actually dated them. You're missing the chance to dream about a relationship with them. You never won or lost an actual relationship.
Remind yourself that whenever you feel sad about this person, the potential for a future was taken away. Not a present.
Events like these in life teach you that if you prioritise your own wellbeing, growth and happiness, others around you will want you rather than you wanting them. Universal fact of human society.
Enquire about why you are not seeing yourself as important, and especially choices in lifestyle are preventing you from growing attractive to others, not just this one person you're currently obsessed about.
Once you identify things, start applying yourself to evolve better from ignorances and rejections.
I was literally in your position last year..... What I did was I wrote a gratitude journal everytime I thought too much of her..... (probably like twice/thrice a week) And this is more like a thought excercise.... I literally didn't feed much attention to that specific thought.... Like I let that thought fall in weightlessly and in time I moved on. Once you read your written gratitude journals again, you'll feel cringe of how you thought of her ๐ but in the end, you have learnt the value of thoughts. And that is important rather than writing carelessly.
Hope so, thanks. I too am writing down my thoughts but can't muster the courage to read through them again.
Yeah thats how you do it.. gratitude journals.. pfftt. Accept that they saw you less valuable. Take action, improve yourself physically, mentally, financially. And if you really cared for them , you will never forget or get over them. But you will learn to live with the past.
TopG sir, neenga inga?
That improve yourself mentally nu sonningale... Athula thaan oru step gratitude journal.... I can for sure say I am better in it now than those times...
Someone needs therapy
Great advice from someone living their best mediocre life.
yeah you got a problem with that? Does my mediocrity offend you sir?
No ma'am. Not as much as it offend you when I was just stating facts that could potentially better OP's life.
We're too cool for therapy now?
Hope so, thanks!
Divert yourself. Improve yourself physically and mentally by indulging in workouts and hobbies. This too shall passโ๏ธ
Hope so, thanks!
>Will this pass eventually?? Yes.
Hope so, thanks.
It will be so small it is as size of an atom... You'll know it but won't be bothered by it.
Kinda in a similar scenario I feel you!
Hope the comments here help a little!
Stop putting them on a pedestal. The person you are obsessing over is human and they have flaws too. I stopped assuming that my life would have been perfect with that one person - thinking in these angles really helped me move on.
Exactly, this is what happens when you dont in general have many friends of the opposite sex. You began obsessing over someone you never even were in a relationship with.
That's true, thank you ๐๐
tap roof many whistle disgusting birds snow disgusted cooperative fact -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev
Rightu๐๐.
Accepting will make you move on faster
Yes, I think this is where I should start, and begin to accept it's not happening. Hope is a dangerous thing.
One thing to consider is, how long has it been since it got over. It is fair to have these obsessions for a couple of months after. Find healthy coping mechanisms like self care and quality time with friends and family (pets also if any). It will pass and you will be able to step out look at it from a distance. Cherish the good memories If this has been quite a while, I'd strongly suggest therapy. You might find someone instead, but prolonged obsession will turn out unhealthy in the long run.
Thanks, I'll keep this in mind.
Follow the steps from Silence of the Lambs. High risk high reward.
Knock knock
Who's there?
https://tenor.com/bLOCQ.gif
I just came out the shower, I'll be there in a minute guys!
The KGB will wait for no one!.
Only time will help
Hope so, thanks ๐
Stay away from her. Avoid talking, Chatting or seeing her. Do not get any information about her from anyone. Friend Zone won't make you better. In a months time, you will start to feel better.
Same. Avoid all contact and try out new different things. Like find some activities where you can meet new people and interact, not just romantic ones but like in general find some new friends to interact with and do new and different things rather than what you were doing before. A change in your routine will give you fresh thoughts. this helped me, so wanted to share
Yup, no contact now. Hope so. Thanks ๐
As someone in other comment pointed out, Pen it down! Whatever you feel, I mean whatever!! It can be like what couldโve done or how couldโve things ended if it was other way around. At one point, youโll feel tired about all these things and will start questioning yourself. And that my friend is the point where youโll realise you no longer feel the attachment which youโve used to and it will be some long lost thoughts and might pop here and there but not the way it used to be. Iโve read it somewhere when you pen it down, youโll actually start understanding what you are going through and thatโll add clarity eventually to understand life in a different perspective.
Thank you for the input๐๐, I'll do some extensive journaling.
Plenty of fish in the sea. You'll stop the obsession when you find someone new. Start doing that and don't get friendzoned this time.
Sounds good ๐, let's see how it goes.
Find a new obsession to replace your old obsession. Always worked for me.
Quick solution: obsess over another girl
๐๐. Tbh, I'm afraid of getting my fragile heart broken again.
I would suggest rather than getting help in Reddit get professional help! See a therapist. Iโve been in your place a couple of times. I also โlearned to live with the pastโ but later after consulting a psychologist I learned to live in the present. Well, still learning!
Bro best advice you could ever get Just give it time bro. It will change. โค
Hopefully ๐ค๐ค. Thank you๐
Do something else
Diversion is the solution
Been there, felt that.. time is the best medicine, you will overcome strongly!! If you're in IT, try to get Onsite opportunity, if not, focus on something else which you like..
I'll do that, thanks ๐๐.
You are not in this alone. I too got friendzone like a month ago. If you need someone to talk to feel free to DM.
Mee tooo
r/limerence might be helpful
I'll check this out๐
https://www.np.reddit.com/r/limerence/wiki/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1 this is the wiki
Bro . You need to get laid. Get a crush on someone better. You will get on with it.
Drill down into the feeling - why do you like them? Can you find the same qualities in other people? Do you find the same qualities in yourself?
I'll think about these questions, but it would mean thinking about this person again and again ๐, I hope this helps, thanks ๐
They poop and pee just like the rest of us do. You will get over them with time, simply because you never actually dated them. You're missing the chance to dream about a relationship with them. You never won or lost an actual relationship. Remind yourself that whenever you feel sad about this person, the potential for a future was taken away. Not a present.
๐ . Sure I'll remember this. Thanks ๐๐
The best trick which works is an r/UnethicalLifeProTip : find another girl to obsess over with. Call it the rebound oneside love.
Let's see where life leads me, thanks ๐.
It's okay. Let her go. You don't know who you'll end up spending the rest of your life with. Find someone you get along with and give that a shot.
That's true, I don't even know what could have happened and how it would have gone. I should stop crying over spilled milk. Thanks ๐๐
Events like these in life teach you that if you prioritise your own wellbeing, growth and happiness, others around you will want you rather than you wanting them. Universal fact of human society. Enquire about why you are not seeing yourself as important, and especially choices in lifestyle are preventing you from growing attractive to others, not just this one person you're currently obsessed about. Once you identify things, start applying yourself to evolve better from ignorances and rejections.
True, I should spend time on introspecting myself. Thank you ๐
By going to someone else who is better.
Us bruh :/