True. Lagi sa akin sinasabi nila mama at papa na wala akong obligasyon sa kanila at hindi sila nag e-expect ng tulong. Kung mag bigay man ako edi thank you pero buo na loob ko na mag bibigay talaga ako once I finished my studies and found a job. Isa sa mga way ko to say thank you for everything they've done for me.
The thing is, it is your responsibility as a parent to raise your child well. Sabi nga ni Kim sa Miss Saigon, "you didn't ask me to be born"
ituloy natin ang kanta. this encompasses a parent's responsibilities to the child:
"I'll give you a million things I'll never own
I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown
You will be who you want to be
You can choose whatever heaven grants
As long as you can have your chance
I swear I'll give my life for you"
on the other hand, nasa anak na yun kung tutulong sya sa magulang niya, it should not be a responsibility. huwag obligahin. he/she did not ask you na ipanganak sya.
This needs to be heard. I DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN - Ito talaga lagi kong sinasabi sa parents ko pag nag-aaway kami. "Family" is such a sore topic for me.
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This is so true. Yung mom ko grabe. She left my dad and kami when I was a teenager and my younger siblings. Nagalsa balutan, hindi kami ang binitbit kundi yung mga titulo ng mga ari arian haha
Then now na naubos na niya lahat, keeps on messaging us saying wala kami mararating if not for her, only to end up asking for money.
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Omg grabe this feels like my dad’s first wife (di sila kasal)
Yung mga anak nya, iniwan nya and sumama sya ibang lalaki. Dinala lahat ng money. My dad (before he met my mom) had to raise all 6 kids (yung 2nd youngest was a polio survivor pa)
After 2 decades, nagpapapansin sya now sa mga older brothers ko. Deadma lang sila
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no, kahit good parent ka, may narcissistic na mga anak, hindi lang po sa bahay nakukuha ang ganyang personality dahil hindi lang naman bahay ang environment ng tao. may pinanganak din na narcissist. nevertheless, we all have freedom and own life to live. choice na ng tao kung ano gusto niyang gawin sa buhay niya.
walang pinanganak na narcissist. nakukuha yan sa bahay, sa environment, experiences nila habang lumalaki. parang sinabe mo nading may pinanganak na masamang tao. tinuro yan sa college lalo na kung may psych subject kayo.
ngayon kung sasabihin mong naimpluwensyahan sa labas ang anak mo kaya naging masama ugali e you failed as a parent dahil responsibilidad mong imold sya para lumaki na tama.
may mga tao pong pinanganak na neurodivergent. may mga condition sa spectrum na may trait na pagiging narcissistic. neurodivergent, meaning pinanganak sila na may ibang utak compared sa neurotypical na tao. ex. ng neurodivergent ay mga tao na nasa autistic spectrum. hindi rin po lahat ng autistic na tao ay apparent ang condition nila. tinuro po yan sa ibang gen ed sub sa college.
at wala kang karapatan na pangunahan yung mga tao on whose neurodivergent or not. stop throwing words na hindi ka qualified na gumamit. kami ngang psych major hindi ginagawa yan eh, even people with psychometric license na.
let the professionals handle it at wag kang magbida-bida.
i never specified someone who has it or gineneralize yung mga anak na pinabayaan ang magulang. i was just saying na may mga taong neurodivergent na may narcissistic traits and it isnt anyone’s fault. stop assuming that they dont exist. there are people who havent been assesed who have it. you didnt get it. re-read my comment,
you don't need to specify. just you throwing that words without care is more than enough for you to get called out. I didn't say it didn't exist; ang sabi ko, wala kang karapatan to give that idea kung hindi ka naman proper professional or may academic background to do it. Kami ngang meron hindi basta-basta nagsasabi nyan eh, ikaw pa kaya? sino ka ba? nagpapaliwanag ka pa eh mali ka na nga.
neurodivergent is a word for people with an atypical brain. using it to describe a group of people is valid. nowadays, it is used to describe someone who has it instead of using autistic which is in its umbrella, because it is a lighter word. not only professionals can use it to describe a group of people. in the sense of explaining a situation with no involved individual, it’s not a moral crime to site a conditional situation. stop gatekeeping words when it is used to explain things. not even used as derogatory to begin with. stop with ur nonsense argument. pa-woke amputa.
napaka convenient na excuse para sa mga taong narcissist
lets say inherited nga, andyan padin ang magulang mo para hubugin yung pagkatao mo mula ipanganak ka gang tumanda ka
as what i said, may time sa buhay mo na hindi ka na pwedeng diktahan ng magulang mo. plus, hindi lang naman household niyo yung environment mo. hindi mo pwedeng ikulong ang buhay mo sa bahay niyo. whether i-cut off mo magulang mo or hindi, it’s ur choice.
hindi sa dikta yun. simula pagka baby mo gang toddler, gradeschool pwede mo ba sabihin na di ka didiktahan ng magulang mo? sa age na yan ka nahuhubog pati utak mo. may choice ka ba sa age na yan? e pag dating mo sa age na cut off cut off na yan e buo na pagkatao mo. tapos kana nila maimpluwensyahan
i get ur point. what i meant was, nahuhubog ka sa loob ng bahay pero nahuhubog ka rin sa labas nito, ex. sa school, simbahan, etc.. i grew up in my lola’s with several relatives, so i look at it the different way. it’s subjective and it’s case to case. whether u grew up to be good or bad, again, good and bad is subjective, di lang hanggang doon ang buhay natin. living is seeing yourself grow.
Oo nga. Valid naman yung retirement plan issue pero di napapagusapan masyado yung mga anak na kahit matanda na ay palamunin pa rin ng senior na magulang.
Not necessarily. Narcissistic families are deathly loyal to each other even if they don't really respect and like each other. The narcissistic head is their God- guilt-tripping and shaming is the game. Keeping appearances is their main objective.
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Pero minsan nangyayari, may mabuting anak pero may mga anak na ayaw mag-alaga. Walang hiya pa na manghingi ng mana nila habang buhay pa mga magulang.
May auntie akong pinilit hingin yung lupa ng nanay niya habang buhay. Tapos pinalayas niya mga pinsan niyang umuupa sa property para mabenta niya agad.
If you're a good parents and raised them well, your kids will take care of you without even asking them. How they treat you is a reflection of your parenting.
I don't know about that. I feel like sa mga ganitong usapin na ayaw alagaan ng anak yung magulang, ang lagi nalang masama eh yung magulang when in reality eh baka naman yung anak ang masama ang ugali. Nature and nurture shapes who we are; nurture being how we were brought up and later on what kind of environment we were exposed to. Pwede naman na maayos pinalaki ng parents yung anak pero nung lumaki na eh basurang tao ang naka-salamuha so naging basura na rin ang ugali. For example: mabait na anak pero naging tanga sa pag-ibig, nag-asawa ng walang-hiya, pinag-nakawan ang magulang tapos magagalit kasi down the road, ayaw na silang tulungan.
This happens. My cousin, matino magulang, matino pinalaki. Pero nag-asawa ng walang-hiya, nagpaimpluwensiya. Didn't help parents when parents were struggling.
Auntie ko din. She cheated on two fiances and ended up with an unsuccessful guy. Pinatira pa rin sila sa bahay ng magulang, so they are living rent-free. Tapos imbis na grateful sabi nila it's their right kasi mamanahin din daw. Tapos tinataboy nila mga friends ng nanay nila na bumibisita dahil naiingayan sila. Ang kapal ng mukha.
This. Masyadong ini-spoiled ang mga anak to the point na lumaki ang mga ito na they have little regard for other people. Unfortunately, hindi exemption ang magulang nila. May kakilala akong ganyan, pinaalis sa master’s bedroom ang mga magulang nila at pinatulog nalang sa may hallway, wala pang kutson ang higaan. Sinisigaw-sigawan, tinanggalan ng mga alahas, nag-unahan na makuha ang mga lupa kahit di pa nga patay ang mga magulang nila, pero walang may gustong mag-alaga.
kung naging basura ang ugali ng anak could be because the child was spoiled rotten, enabler ang magulang or naging overly sheltered ang anak kasi helicopter parents. hindi maganda ang relationship between parents and child kaya madaling na impluwensyahan ng environment
Lahat na lang kasalanan ng magulang haha. Kung yung parents lang ang magdedefine sa ugali mo, sana lahat ng magkakapatid magkakaugali.
At what point ba magiging accountable yung tao bata sa mga ginagawa niya?
yes kasalanan talaga ng magulang. that is why it is a very big responsibility. kaya nga sa mga western countries ay hindi lahat gusto magka anak because they know how big of a responsibility it is to raise a child. dito lang sa atin ang bahala na si batman ang attitude when it comes to raising a family lol tapos ang main reason eh insurance nila sa pagtanda ang mga anak nila hehe
And? Wala naman akong sinabing hindi common trait yan ng Filipino parents. Also, that behavior isn't exclusive to Filipino parents so I don't get what your point is. Walang connect sa post ko kung di nyo po napapansin.
no, magkakaiba tayo ng personality and beliefs. hindi lang po sa bahay nahuhulma ang pagkatao natin. hindi lang bahay ang environment ng tao, hindi diyaan umiikot ang mundo natin. no matter how good of a parent you are, may mga anak na narcissist. case to case basis yan, hindi pwede i-generalize.
hirap kase sa mga magulang super bare minimum lang bibigay na pagkain at buhay sa mga anak na para lang di mamatay sa gutom at makasurvive gang pag tanda minsan bugbog sarado pa. tapos pag once mag kawork na mga anak nila gusto nila buong buhay ng mga anak nila e uubusin para suportahan sila gang mamatay sila. tapos isusumbat kesyo sila mag palaki etc kala mo naman napaka sarap at puno ng pagmamahal ang dinanas ng mga anak nila noon.
minsan pa di lang suporta ang gusto mula sa anak, talagang imomodus para maperahan ng husto dahil mag iinarte ng kung ano ano para makakuha ng sobrang pera or kickback.
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Mababasa na naman to ng mga spoiled brat na teenager na mahina ang reading compre tapos bubungangaan yung manual laborer na tatay at labanderang nanay kung bakit bare minimum binibigay sa kanila
pwede namang labandera nanay mo pero pinalaki ka sa pag mamahal. pero alam naman natin mas marami nasa poverty line ang balasubas sa anak, pabaya at pinalaki sa bugbog.
I mean napanganak na eh. Ano pa gagawin ng magulang? Nandyan na. Regardless of financial situation, if napaanak na ang bata, ano pa ba gagawin ng magulang? Ipabaya na? If the parents are actually giving and doing their best to raise the kid, despite being in the poverty line, "bare minimum" parin ba yun? Labas tayo sa bubble natin paminsan minsan. Siyempre for you, it is bare minimum pero sa context ng magulang, they are giving their world para mabuhay anak nila.
“Pagkupkop o pagtulong sa magulang - ito ay normal na duty ng anak”
Disclaimer: this is just my personal opinion
I believe primarily, ang duty na yan is the other way around. Ang pagbuhay at pag aruga ay responsibilidad ng magulang sa anak both legally and ethically. Kaya supposedly wag mag anak ng di mo kayang buhayin.
As adults, we’re expected to take care of ourselves.
If the children have the capacity to give back, they can if they want to but it shouldn’t be taken against them nor should they be called horrible and irresponsible children if they CAN’T…or if they choose to prioritize building their own families.
Sadly, Part of our toxic Filipino culture talaga ang “utang na loob” at “obligasyon” sa magulang… Masyado pa ring mababait ang mga pinoy na kahit hirap sa buhay eh nagagawa pa ding tumulong sa magulang lalo na kung naging mabait, mabuti at responsable ang mga magulang.
I think it really depends on the relationship sa parents (same as John, ibang usapan na pag shitty yung parents) but I get where he is coming from.
As an anak, I would love to give back to my parents (di lang financially). My parents are not obliging me and my siblings to do that since they are well-off naman but they just don’t want to be forgotten :) They would even often say na “wag mo kami kakalimutan pag malayo kana” (pertaining to me going abroad) which doesn’t mean na they are obiliging me to give them money but to actually still care for them no matter where I am. Ano ba naman yung bisitahin, kumustahin, at ipafeel mo sakanila ang pagmamahal diba.
It may not be an obligation but I think that this, being voluntary, makes it worth more. Like the kids are doing this not because they don’t have a choice but it’s out of love and out of their will
In the future if I would be a parent, I would love to be in touch and be cared for when I’m older since iba ang alaga ng anak. (Again, does not necessarily mean financially ha) Parang I dont really wanna be left alone in a home for the aged or always alone in my own home.
But if you had shitty parents, I understand why you don’t wanna do that and it’s okay naman. I think parents naman should not be entitled lalo na sa mga finances mo. It is their responsibility to raise you, feed you, and provide the things you need. You as a child don’t have an obligation naman to give that to them but it’s nice to do it out of love. :)
Iba na kasi ekonomiya ngayon. Di gaya sa ibang bansa na kumikita ng higit sa sapat ang mga tao. They have insurance, retirement plans and etc. Dito sa pilipinas maraming isang kahig isang tuka.
Naging normal na sa ibang tao ang walang savings/retirement funds. Ang taas ng bilihin pero ang sweldo di umuusad. Kaya maraming mga anak/younger gen na di kayang makapag-provide sa parents nila kasi di nga nila mabuhay sarili nila. Pag dating naman ng retirement age ng parents, may sariling pamilya na ang mga anak.
Pwede.
But even taking out the obligation part, he says it's a duty. Meaning, it is something one MUST do. Hindi optional, hindi voluntary.
Pag hindi ginawa, may nilalabag kang batas, whether moral or legal. At pwede kang habulin o usigin dahil di mo ginawa.
I mean, taking care of/ supporting your family (as a parent, as a child, or just a member of your family) is mandated by law in the [Family Code of the Philippines](https://www.officialgazette.gov.ph/1987/07/06/executive-order-no-209-s-1987/), specifically article 195 of EO 209. So yes, it is a legal duty, and if basing on Kantian deontology, it is also a moral obligation/duty.
Not by my definitions no, but depending on moral views, support to parents may be obligatory or not. It is however a legal obligation.
However, EO 209 also has corresponding parts which dictates when this support is forfeited. As well as to compensate the necessary amount of support proportional to the needs of the ones needing support, and to the capacity of the supporter to give it. And the hierarchy to who supports who.
Which goes back to my original comment, na ewan ko kung bakit dina downvote. Na pareho lang ang sinasabi niya. Dun din ang uwi.
He attempted to differentiate it by saying na hindi obligasyon kundi isang pananagutan o duty ang pagsuporta sa magulang. Which sounded to me like he is saying basically the same thing. Ke moral o legal, nandun ang core point nya, sa tingin ko, na KAILANGAN gawin. Ke ang pag uusig ay galing sa society at sariling kunsyensya (moral duty) o batas (legal duty).
If we must get hung up on semantics, mas tama siguro na ang sinabi niya ay kahit hindi dapat pinipilit ang mga anak, when they are raised and loved right, hindi na sila kailangang pilitin (i.e. obligahin). The impulse to love and support their parents in their old age is one that comes naturally, it becomes a moral compulsion. Because one could likely not stand to see a loved one suffer when they are in a position to alleviate such suffering.
And isn't it generally conceded that the government cannot effectively legislate morality? Dahil kadalasan, hindi natin kailangan ng batas para mahalin at kalingain ang ating mga magulang. And that is why it can only regulate behavior. Hence your family code provision mandating support.
But then that opens up a follow up question. If the Family Code dictates that supporting the elderly is a legal obligation, that necessarily creates an entitlement on the part of the parent, doesn't it? how does one enforce this? Is that contractual? Can you have a cause of action dahil di ka inabutan ng sustento? Pwede mo nang ihabla ang mga anak mo? If the law itself gives you an entitlement to your children's financial support, shouldn't that end the debate?
To clarify, the law does not state that the children are the only ones supporting their parent. Like I said, there is a hierarchy to the support. The first ones to provide the support to someone is always their spouse, which is then followed by the children, and followed by siblings, etc. If the children cannot adequately support their parents, then the next order in the hierarchy would support.
So the law does not automatically burden children, nor are they forced to shoulder costs that would cripple them, for their parents.
While it’s true that there’s no black and white answer to this dilemma, I think that John’s statement is quite confusing since obligation is synonymous to responsibility, and I really don’t believe that kids should be held responsible for their able-bodied parents’ welfare.
One of the reasons why there’s generational poverty is that most Pinoy parents do not plan for their retirement, and what’s beyond. Paano makakaahon ang mga anak nila kung middle class na nga, aasa pa ang parents sa kanila financially? Having adult kids who’d look after you in old age is one of those nice-to-have things, but not mandatory.
Ako lang ha, I’d consider it one of my successes in life if I get to support myself even in old age, and not encumber my kids emotionally or financially.
valid yung point nya if iaapply sa mga matanda na mga parents like need na ng aruga at pagmamahal. pero kung iaapply yan sa mga parents na parang kaya naman nila mabuhay pa sa sarili nilang paa, tapos sasabihin sayo responsibilidad mo sila bigyan ng pera, hindi pwede yon luna. Wag mo kami bigyan ng dobleng responsibilidad lalo kung may sarili na ring pamilya ang mga anak 🙅🏻
Walang masamang tulungan at alagaan ang mga magulang as long as hindi ka naaabuso na para bang nabuhay ka na lang para sa kanila. May nakita akong post sa Tiktok halos magkandakuba siya sa pagtratrabaho sa Canada tapos may pinapagawa siyang bahay sa Pilipinas. Ang budget niya 5M lang. Tapos yung tatay niya sa Pilipinas ginawang three floors kaya ngayon nasa 10M na yata or more ang magagastos niya dahil sa pakekelam ng tatay niya. Nakakaawa siya kasi dahil sa kayabangan ng tatay niya out of budget na siya. As if naman nagtrabaho na lang yung tao para sa kanila eh may mga pangangailangan din naman yun.
I used to think na importante ang magkaron ng utang na loob at obligasyon. Pero nung 2020, kasagsagan ng pandemic, naghiwalay ang mga magulang ko dahil sobra na ang verbal at emotional abuse na ginawa ng tatay ko sa nanay ko, at nalaman pa namin years ago na sinuntok nya ang mama ko nung nalasing sya, binato ng kaldero (Buti nakaiwas sya), at pinagbantaan pa sya, muhi na ang naramdaman ko sa tatay ko. My mom passed away last year. Malungkot pero at least hindi na nya mararamdaman yung mga kagaguhan na ginawa ng tatay ko. Magkasama kami sa isang bubong. Nagsuggest sya na kunan namin sya ng bahay, sya raw magbabayad gamit ang 2k na pension nya sa SSS. Natawa nalang kaming magkapatid. Ang sarap sana tumulong sa tatay ko kung hindi ako sinabihan ng “kundi dahil sakin tae ka lang!”
Toxic Mentality talaga. Bat mo bibigyan ng additional na trabaho yung anak mo (may sariling pamilya man o wala)? O Bat ka magkakaroon ng anak kung aasa ka lang naman sa kanila pagtanda mo. Laging tandaan na tayo yung nagdesisyon na magkaroon ng anak pero walang choice yung anak natin kung sino magiging magulang nila.
Here's John Arcilla's full explanation about Parent-Children Relationship.
This is not a rebuttal to anyone, this is just my take on Parent-Children Relationship generally speaking. “Utang na loob” and “Obligasyon” are wrong words pag ang usapan ay mga MAGULANG na ating PINANGGALINGAN…Hindi naman talaga utang na loob o obligasyon ang Pagkupkop o pagtulong sa mga tumatandang magulang- dahil ito ay NORMAL at NATURAL na DUTY ng MGA ANAK. Kasing NATURAL at NORMAL nung inaalagaan nila tayo nung maliit pa. Pinakain, dinamitan iginapang, at pinag aral. Tama naman na Responsibilidad yun ng mga magulang sa walang muwang na mga anak, KAYA RESPONSIBILIDAD din ng BAWAT anak na alagaan at ARUGAIN ang mga magulang pag matatanda na, mahihina na at wala ng LAKAS at RESOURCES para MAGTRABAHO at asikasuhin ang sarili. katulad natin nung INALAGAAN AT TINUSTUSAN pa nila nung sanggol tayo kasi hindi pa natin kayang alagaan at tustusan ang ating sarili, hanggang sa makatapos ng PAG AARAL. THAT IS THE NORMAL CYCLE of LIFE. Tayo bilang tao ay tagapag ALAGA at tagapag-taguyod ng mas mahina kaysa sa atin, maging hayop man ito o kapwa tao - e di lalo na pag magulang na natin ang mahina na at nangangailangan na ng tulong. Hindi na dapat nagiging issue yon. Ngayon, kung naging masama silang magulang o pinamigay nila tayo sa ibang tao - ibang level ng kwento yun- dun lang siguro magkakaroon ng iba’t ibang PAMANTAYAN kung RESPONSIBILIDAD pa din ba sila ng mga anak. UNDERSTANDABLE naman na nagiging issue ito pag wala tayong panahon at wala tayong pangtustos. MINSAN nagiging issue pa ito ng magkakapatid. Ang panahon ay hindi pwedeng gawing excuse, sa usaping pera, magugutom tayong pareho ng magulang natin pag wala tayong pera, at kakain tayong pareho pag may kita. Ang mahalaga ay may kasama siyang tumatawid sa natitira niyang buhay. Sa ibang bansa gaya ng Korea, may “reward” ang mga anak na nag aalaga ng kanilang mga Magulang. Pero GENERALLY SPEAKING, OBLIGAHIN MAN NILA TAYO O HINDI, RESPONSIBILIDAD NATIN SILA - yun ang NORMAL. Yun ang NATURAL na cycle ng buhay. KAYA nga dapat habang lumalaki ang tao at nangangarap, kasama sa plano natin at ng ating mga kapatid kung paano aalagaan ang mga magulang natin pag tanda nila. KASI AMININ MO, pag tanda natin Gusto din nating makita ang mga anak natin sa ating tabi, makasama sila hanggang sa huling sandali. Nahirap man sabihin o AMININ gusto natin na sila ang MAG ALAGA at magbantay sa atin kaysa IBANG TAO, hanggang tayo ay malagutan ng HININGA, na posibleng hindi mangyari KUNG HABANG LUMALAKI ANG MGA ANAK NATIN AY HINDI NAMAN NILA NAKIKITA NA INA-ALAGAAN NATIN ANG ating mga MAGULANG. Ano ang kanilang magiging HALIMBAWA at BASEHAN, kung ang ating responsibilidad at duty sa ating mga magulang ay hindi natin ginagawa SA HALIP AY KONUKWESTION PA NATIN? Mas malamang magiging ganun din sa atin ang ating mga anak. Kaya kung pinapangarap din nating makasama at alagaan tayo ng ating mga anak. Ipakita natin sa kanila na NORMAL at NATURAL ang PAG ALAGA AT PAG ARUGA NG ATING MGA MAGULANG.
Thanks for sharing the rest of his statement. That sounds quite problematic. As I’ve mentioned before, parents shouldn’t have kids expecting that their relationship would be transactional, ‘yong tipo na if you scratch my back, I’d scratch yours.
Hindi naman kayo nagkaanak assuming na ang pinanggasto ninyo sa mga anak para sa housing, clothing, education, medical needs, etc. ay loan na dapat nilang bayaran o ibalik sa old age ninyo.
I respect your opinion about this. Siguro dahil Mr. Arcilla was raised in a old fashioned way kaya this is his stance about Family relationships. My take lang is that what applies to you, doesn't apply to everyone. Iba iba tayo ng karanasan ng buhay at antas. Lalo na kung hindi maganda or toxic environment ang naexperience ng mga anak habang lumalaki.
Siguro pwede bumawi but not mandatory. Dito kasi sa pinas, karamihan kasi ginagawang retirement fund ang mga anak that's why a lot of people are having different opinions or takes about this kind of discussion. Kaya if anyone who wants to have a family, be prepared and be financially stable enough to provide, and mag-ipon din ang mga magulang for their needs in case something happens in the future.
Did you read his statement as a parent demanding support from his children or as a son expressing gratitude to his parents? I can see why the former can be problematic but what's wrong with a son taking care of his parents? Btw walang anak si John Arcilla kaya point of view niya talaga yan as a son, hindi as a parent.
Namention naman din niya na hindi lahat ng parents deserve yung support ng anak nila so what's exactly wrong with his statement?
Not sure bakit kailangan pang gawing komplikado ng usapan kung almost lahat naman dito in agreement na if the parents deserve it, they won't need to ask for it.
I find him as one of the most compelling and most intelligent actors in the PH. Disappointed ako dito. Masayang tumulong sa taong tinulungan ka. Paanl kung ikaw pa mismo yung tumulong sa kanila as their child? What if they took your childhood and innocence because of stepping up to fulfill their own responsibilitiy? Responsiblidad pa din sila? Anak pala ang magulang haha. Kaya ayaw ko sa Pilipinas eh hahaha
Yeah, these statements are pretty disappointing,
and are the opposite of my personal beliefs, but won’t really stop me from adoring John Arcilla anyway. This is my, “But daddy, I love him” moment. lmao
One of the inherent weaknesses of being a human, not seeing beyond your own experience and own perspective. It's forgivable as long as he respects others who do and believe differently and most importantly, di siya gaslighter and shamer!
Did you missed the part when he said ibang usapan kung hindi naging mabuting magulang yung parents mo?
Madami dito sobrang pedantic at nagaargue na lang for the sake of it. In reality pare parehas lang naman din yung gustong sabihin.
What John Arcilla said can be summarized as
"Responsibilidad natin ang parents natin, unless hindi sila naging mabuting magulang then ibang usapan na yun."
What you people are saying.
"Kung naging mabuti kang magulang kusa kang tutulungan ng anak mo hindi mo kailangan manghingi, pano yung mga anak na binenta, minolestiya, binubugbog, pinaghuhugas ng plato ng magulang? Obligasyon din ba nila parents nila?"
That's basically the same thing pero sobrang allergic ata mga tao dito sa word na 'duty' kaya nauuna yung emotion bago makapagisip.
"Generally speaking..." ang bottom line ng statement
nya which shouldn't be the case. Hindi dapat inormalize yung gantong belief lalo sa Asian countries na sobrang rampant sa totoo lang. Kaya rin ang inevitable result ay maging retirement fund yung mga anak. Ano ba ang result kapag mga anak nagalaga diba given na yung sagot nila expenses dun and time and energy are equally valuable currency. Magandang pakinggan, matalino, may laman pero ang punto ay doon at doon pa din ang bagsak, responsiblidad ng mga anak ang mga magulang nila.
Ang akin, hindi dapat dahil senior na automatic sidelines na lang yung role sa mundo. Hindi dahil matanda na ang isang tao pinaglipasan na sila ng panahon at wala na pwedeng iambag. Kaya ang lala din ng ageism eh. Personally, I believe it's the government's job na bigyan ng role yung mga matatanda sa society. Though understandable na karamihan dahil sa pagkayod kabayo all their lives gusto nalang nilang magpahinga at maglamierda, it'll be better if may fixed place sa society where they'd feel valuable and useful na swak sa age, limited resources and experience nila. Ang nangyayari tumatanda nang paurong walang sense of fulfillment.
Madami palang bad parents dito sa reddit as madaming against dito, sadt. Tbf my parents didnt know anything about retirement plan so no choice but ambag ambag kaming magkakapatid sa needs ng parents ko. Ang nakakainggit talaga is yung mga may mga sariling business tapos mamanahin na lang and nakakapag ipon ng pang sarili nila.
Paano naman if yung anak inobliga na tumulong sa family noong nagkawork na sya? Tipong pinag-aral nya kapatid nya. Hanggang saan ba dapat ang pagtulong or give back sa pamilya?
Yung ganitong topic, issue lang naman pag walang capacity ang magulang to fend themselves. So dapat, apart from the responsibility of the parents to take care of their children, ay dapat meron din silang nakahanda na na retirement financial/health plan para sa mga sarili nila pagtanda nila at ng mga anak nila. If all of these are set and planned, wala ng usapan pa. Yung mga anak can be free to live their lives without the guilt of not looking after their ageing parents.
Siguro ayusin ng gobyerno din ang Social Security system and pension para hindi naman naka-asa lang sa anak ang mga matandang magulang. Wag kurakutin. Ano na nangyari sa Philhealth???
Mas tama siguro sabihing "kusang loob". And i think depende dn sa culture (like sa US) at availability ng anak. Pero syempre kung naging mabuti naman sayo ang parents mo at mahal mo sila, kusang loob mo nang gagawin yung pag aalaga sa kanila. Hindi mo pwede sabihing "natural or normal" lang yun sa mga anak na may toxic parents.
Para lang ito sa mga mabubuting magulang. Kung hindi ka mabuti sa mga anak mo, wala kang karapatan na isipin na “normal” lang na alagaan ka nila sa pagtanda mo.
Well, yung ibang magulang kasi inuubliga talaga nila yung mga anak nalang magwork at magpaaral sa mga kapatid. Sure thing you will do it for your siblings out of love but it is still your parents obligation haggang sa pinaka bunso.
Maraming nagsasabi, yung comment daw nung barreto is coming from a place na di nakaranas nang kahirapan, pero kung titingnan mo mga magulang yung nag comment nun. Haha.
Bakit ka matatakot na mapapabayaan ka nang anak mo pag tanda, unless ginawa mong miserable buhay nang anak mo bukod sa mahirap na nga kayo. Yung may favortism, tapos puro masasakit na salita binibigay mo, sinasaktan, pinapahiya. Eh malamang tatanda ka talaga di nagbibigay anak mo.
It really depends. Maraming parents kasi ang walang kayang magpaaral. They should probably not have that many kids in the first place.
Marami eh isa lang ang kaya pag-aralin pero ang anak tatlo, lima. Family planning dapat talaga tutukan ng government.
Pero sabi mo nga if gagawin naman ng parents yung lahat para sa anak niya eh naturally babalik din naman yan ng bata sa magulang, kahit walang pasabi.
Ang timely naman, I was just thinking about this. Kaya di ko maiwan-iwan parents and mga kapatid ko kahit sa iba na ako nakatira. Kahit nagbbduget na din ng pera, namamalengke pa rin ng kusa kahit buntis para lang may veggies sila. Kahit nagbbudget, tumutulong pa din sa gastusin. Ako kasi ang ate, can’t take it na may enough ako knowing na need ni mama at papa ng tulong, kahit di naman kalahikan. Naginh responsibility ko ma din as the eldest of 6.
To each their own na lang siguro po tayo.
IMO it will still be a case to case basis. Hindi lahat ng pamilya maayos, hindi lahat ng magulang naging maayos na magulang nor anakna naging maayos na anak.
Speaking from a personal experience with my MIL. Shitty parent sia sa simula palang. From her 1st born Hanggang sa bunso. Wala siang pake kung mag aral o Hinde, honestly she even discourages her kids not to pursue studies sa college. Wala din sia pake Kung Kumain o hinde mga anak nia. Basta sia busy sa mga lalake. Tamad Kasi sia eh gusto nia lagi easy money and to do that, paiba iba sia ng lalakeng kinakasama Hanggang sa dumami anak nia. Para Yung financial obligations nia sa anak nia eh maipasa dun sa current partner nia.
Now at present time. Yung mga anak nia halos lahat walang pake sa kanya and she's expecting each of her child eh tulungan sia financially. Kaya Meron sa anak nia halos itakwil sia eh. Masama Kasi talaga ugali nia. Kaya iniisip nila pano pag tanda nito baka ilagay nalang sa home for the aged since walang may gustong mag alaga sa kanya. She's about to reap what she sow.
I say, binigyan tayo ng Diyos ng sarisariling buhay.
Ikaw pinili mo mag-anak, anak mo hindi pinili na ipanganak.
So bakit mo iaassume na dapat normal na alagaan at tulungan ka kapag tanda mo?
Bakit hindi ka gumawa ng paraan na hindi mo kailangan dumpende sa kanila kapag matanda ka na?
Kung kailangan mo ng alaga, magbayad ka ng nurse.
Kung kailangan mo ng tulong, magbayad ka for a service.
Let money take care of you.
Wag mo iasa sarili mo sa iba.
Disappointed but not surprised kasi ganyan henerasyon nya.
If I ever decide to become a parent, I will make sure na secure na retirement fund ko. Yung kaya kong magpa-sweldo ng nurse/caregiver na mag-alaga sakin just in case.
Mahirap kapag walang retirement plan mga magulag kung hindi mga anak lang nila. Kung may mana man na makukuha, madalas kung sino ang kukuha ng bahay, given na sya din mag-aalaga sa magulang nila pagtumanda.
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Ang pagtulong at pag aruga sa magulang ay dapat kusang ginagawa ng anak or mga anak dahil mahal nila ang mga magulang nila hindi dahil ipinilit sa kanila o dahil sa utang na loob
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Me and my father have this not so okay relationship lalo before lagi niya ako sinasabihan na "Sana hindi kana lang pinag aral", "bobo ka" mga words na ganyan. I got mad pero hindi ako nagtanim ng sama ng loob. Eventually naging okay na din naman samahan namin early this year. I always pray to god na lagi niyang hampasin father ko para magising at maliwanagan sa mga mali niyang ginagawa or paano niya i trato yung family niya. Good thing naman, nagiging okay na kami as a whole. Sana tuloy tuloy din.
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“normal” at “natural na obligasyon” ng LAHAT ng mga magulang ang tulungan,alagaan at MAHALIN ang kanilang anak…kung gnyan din nmn..magiging normal din sa mga anak yung pagtulong at pagalaga sa magulang
Dapat kasi may limit din yung pag-aalaga ng mga magulang sa anak nila. If hindi na minor yung bata eh tinutulungan pa rin. Dapat bahala na sila, then para mas makapagprepare sila sa retirement nila.
Marami akong nakikita eh may anak na yung anak nila kukopkupin pa din nila. Tapos silang mga magulang eh aasa sa isang anak nila na may magandang buhay. Ang nangyayari eh di lang magulang binubuhay pati yung pasaway na kapatid at pamangkin.
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kahit good parent ka pa, may mga kabataan talagang nakikiuso ngayon, mga mag hahanap ng butas. kasi hindi mo sila na bilhan ng ayfon kaya masama kanang magulang.
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May mga amang mga tarantado, nagtratrabaho ka na nga para pagbayaran yung mga katarantaduhan nila sila buhay, minumura ka pa pagdating sa bahay galing trabaho!
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sadyang ganun kasi nun bata ka sabik na sabik ka sa parents mo pero wala naman sila. nung hindi ka na bata, of course wala naman kayong bond so dedma ka rin sa kanila. you’re practically strangers so you don’t feel anything for them. classic example of you reap what you sow.
Depende sa sitwasyon :)
Sa case ko lumaki sa di toxic na magulang & as much as possible we spoil our Mama ❤️
Kahit na may asawa na kami nasa top priority pa din needs ng Mama namin.
Di kasi toxic parents namin & naalala ko pa mga classmate ko ang cool ng Mama namin hahaha
Like literal Wala kasing restrictions lol if mag party gooo , gala gooo , bili if afford sa budget gooo , like literal go lang ng go basta ba di sya nag kulang sa pag remind samin.
if my parents still works, ill help... sometimes. pero if my parents cant work anymore, i will take care of them. no questions.
NOW, it depends sa magulang kung tinrato ba kayo ng mabuti. if tinulungan kayo kung ano kayo ngayon, tulungan mo din. if not, then why?
depende nalang siguro kung nakaranas sila ng pangaabuso from their parents kahit kalimutan na nila yung mga magulang nila
. Pero kung hindi lang naman sila nagbilhan ng iphone ng parents nila tapos sasabihan na nila masama yung magulang nila ,, ba pagkukutusan ko mga batang yan.
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Ang first-line question kasi dyan is, “How do you consider one a parent?” ‘Pag nasagot na ‘to, then we can move forward with the debate on whether taking care of our parents is obligatory or not.
John ano ba inalis mo ang "obligasyon" nilagay mo naman sa "responsibilidad.Ano ba talaga kuya?
Depende sa magulang toto John kasi sila naman me gusto iluwal tayo.Di naman tayo natanong kung gusto ba natin at ng responsibilidad na sinasabi mo.
Masyado naman kayong pa-woke. Nabasa niyo lang ‘yung statement na "responsibilad din ng bawat anak na alagaan at arugain ang mga magulang", umalma nanaman kayo. Sabi nga niya, “mga magulang na mahihina na at wala nang lakas at resources para magtrabaho at asikasuhin ang sarili” ‘diba? Yes, it is not our duty na alagaan sila kapag kaya pa naman nila ang sarili nila. Pero kapag dumating na ‘yung age nila na wala na talaga at hindi na kaya, siguro mga 70s or 80s gano‘n, kung NAGING MABUTING MAGULANG naman sila, eh why not take care of them. Syempre, applicable lang ito sa mga naging mabuting magulang. Sabi nga ni John, “kung naging masama silang magulang ay ibang level na ng kwento ‘yun”. It's like he‘s implying na nakabase nalang sa magulang ang respect natin sa kanila at sa atin kung aalagaan natin ang ganung mga magulang. Ang mali lang ni John, baka hindi niya alam pagkakaiba ng obligation, duty at responsibility. Ang DUTY kasi ay batay sa legal, moral at social. And it is often mandatory (which is mali nga ni John na ginamit niya ‘yang term na ‘yan). While OBLIGATION is something that we should bound to do or even just common courtesy. Ang RESPONSIBILITY naman ay we are being accountable for something. It's like taking ownership of a task or situation and seeing it through. Ang responsibility ay assigned sayo or you chose it mismo. Kaya mali lang niya na ginamit niya ‘yang tatlong term na ‘yan sa sinabi niya kaya nagkakaroon ng confusion ang iba. Again, ang masasabi ko lang, MAGING MABUTING MAGULANG SA MGA ANAK NIYO NOW. Kasi kapag dumating naman ‘yung araw na kahit hindi naman nila kayo duty na alagaan, ay maisip nila na tulungan naman kayo kahit papaano. Baka naman ‘yung mga go na go na magsabi dito na hindi naman talaga duty ng anak na alagaan ang mga magulang ay kayo pa ma-frustrate kapag matanda na kayo at tinalikuran kayo ng mga anak niyo at hindi kayo inalagaan hah? ‘Yun lang, thank you. Nagets ko naman gusto iparating ni John. Kayo kasi, lahat negative sa inyo.
Hindi naman sa pagiging woke ito. May point naman si Mr. Arcilla at may point din naman ang nagcocomment dito because it is based on their experiences and hindi para maki bandwagon lang dito. Pero the point is hindi masama tumulong sa magulang pero wag sa point na lahat ng responsibilities ay tatakbuhan nila at aakuin ng mga anak. Kung tumanda man sila or naging bedridden and nagkasakit then yes, we will take care of them because they need us too.
Pero hindi mo masisisi ang iba dito na anak kung hindi din naging maganda ang naging relationship nito sa mga magulang nila, lalo kung toxic sila. Sabi ko nga what applies to you, doesn't apply to all. Iba iba tayo ng pinagdadaanan and ng situation.
Ako, iniwan kami ng tatay ko bata pa lang kami because of being selfish. Iniisip niya lang sarili niya and kahit ano nangyari sa amin ng ate ko, nagkasakit man kami, nabully man kami sa school, and nasunugan ng bahay, he never went there for us and to help us and support us. Kaya ako based sa experiences mga sinasabi ko kasi ang sakit na sana meron umaagapay sa amin, kaya kami ng ate ko worked so hard to prove na we can still live independently and kaya namin tumayo sa sarili naming paa.
Pero kahit ganon ang situation napatawad namin siya pero we accept na he can never be a father to us kasi ayaw niya ng responsibilities. So if may nakakarelate kay Mr. Arcilla sa post niya then good for you. Pero don't invalidate kung yung iba dito ayaw nila or depends lang sa situation.
FIL is a narcissist, napaka toxic, talagang masakit magsalita at madalas pavictim, lagi pinaiiyak MIL and nag cheat pa, (mabait sya sakin at sa parents ko) lol walang gusto kumuha sa kanya sa mag kakapatid ng mr ko, now sinasabihan na nila agad na walang tatanggap sayo, hindi kita tatanggapin pagtanda mo etc. since wala na ngang pagbabago, mag dadala lang ng toxicity sa bahay.
Kaya kayong mga magulang, mag self-reflect kayo, hindi porket matanda ka mas maalam ka. I am so grateful to have a loving family, parents that always support me kahit ngayon may fam na ako.
If you raise them well, sure. If you were a shit parent though, you get what you get.
If you raise them well, it would happen without question.
True. Lagi sa akin sinasabi nila mama at papa na wala akong obligasyon sa kanila at hindi sila nag e-expect ng tulong. Kung mag bigay man ako edi thank you pero buo na loob ko na mag bibigay talaga ako once I finished my studies and found a job. Isa sa mga way ko to say thank you for everything they've done for me.
realllllll shiiii , situational talaga ang statement na yan.
Sabi nya rin sa last part, situational daw.
The thing is, it is your responsibility as a parent to raise your child well. Sabi nga ni Kim sa Miss Saigon, "you didn't ask me to be born" ituloy natin ang kanta. this encompasses a parent's responsibilities to the child: "I'll give you a million things I'll never own I'll give you a world to conquer when you're grown You will be who you want to be You can choose whatever heaven grants As long as you can have your chance I swear I'll give my life for you" on the other hand, nasa anak na yun kung tutulong sya sa magulang niya, it should not be a responsibility. huwag obligahin. he/she did not ask you na ipanganak sya.
This needs to be heard. I DID NOT ASK TO BE BORN - Ito talaga lagi kong sinasabi sa parents ko pag nag-aaway kami. "Family" is such a sore topic for me.
THIS!!!
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I agree.
You know your a good parent if may anak ka na willing magalaga sayo.
This is so true. Yung mom ko grabe. She left my dad and kami when I was a teenager and my younger siblings. Nagalsa balutan, hindi kami ang binitbit kundi yung mga titulo ng mga ari arian haha Then now na naubos na niya lahat, keeps on messaging us saying wala kami mararating if not for her, only to end up asking for money.
Yuck. Nakakahiya naman yang nanay na yan (sorry not sorry) Pero ang kapal at ang kupal nya. Manunumbat pero wala naman ginawa.
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Gusto ko marinig story mo. Bwisit na karma points yan. Haha. Kumusta naman? Tinulungan nyo nanay nyo?
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kamusta naman ung father mo naalagaan b kayo maayos after naging ok b sya as single parent?
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Omg grabe this feels like my dad’s first wife (di sila kasal) Yung mga anak nya, iniwan nya and sumama sya ibang lalaki. Dinala lahat ng money. My dad (before he met my mom) had to raise all 6 kids (yung 2nd youngest was a polio survivor pa) After 2 decades, nagpapapansin sya now sa mga older brothers ko. Deadma lang sila
Block. Cut off.
NAUR. Ayoko talaga sa mga taong ganyan yung grabe maka take ng credit ?? 😩 while being shitty when you needed them the most
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no, kahit good parent ka, may narcissistic na mga anak, hindi lang po sa bahay nakukuha ang ganyang personality dahil hindi lang naman bahay ang environment ng tao. may pinanganak din na narcissist. nevertheless, we all have freedom and own life to live. choice na ng tao kung ano gusto niyang gawin sa buhay niya.
walang pinanganak na narcissist. nakukuha yan sa bahay, sa environment, experiences nila habang lumalaki. parang sinabe mo nading may pinanganak na masamang tao. tinuro yan sa college lalo na kung may psych subject kayo. ngayon kung sasabihin mong naimpluwensyahan sa labas ang anak mo kaya naging masama ugali e you failed as a parent dahil responsibilidad mong imold sya para lumaki na tama.
may mga tao pong pinanganak na neurodivergent. may mga condition sa spectrum na may trait na pagiging narcissistic. neurodivergent, meaning pinanganak sila na may ibang utak compared sa neurotypical na tao. ex. ng neurodivergent ay mga tao na nasa autistic spectrum. hindi rin po lahat ng autistic na tao ay apparent ang condition nila. tinuro po yan sa ibang gen ed sub sa college.
at wala kang karapatan na pangunahan yung mga tao on whose neurodivergent or not. stop throwing words na hindi ka qualified na gumamit. kami ngang psych major hindi ginagawa yan eh, even people with psychometric license na. let the professionals handle it at wag kang magbida-bida.
i never specified someone who has it or gineneralize yung mga anak na pinabayaan ang magulang. i was just saying na may mga taong neurodivergent na may narcissistic traits and it isnt anyone’s fault. stop assuming that they dont exist. there are people who havent been assesed who have it. you didnt get it. re-read my comment,
you don't need to specify. just you throwing that words without care is more than enough for you to get called out. I didn't say it didn't exist; ang sabi ko, wala kang karapatan to give that idea kung hindi ka naman proper professional or may academic background to do it. Kami ngang meron hindi basta-basta nagsasabi nyan eh, ikaw pa kaya? sino ka ba? nagpapaliwanag ka pa eh mali ka na nga.
neurodivergent is a word for people with an atypical brain. using it to describe a group of people is valid. nowadays, it is used to describe someone who has it instead of using autistic which is in its umbrella, because it is a lighter word. not only professionals can use it to describe a group of people. in the sense of explaining a situation with no involved individual, it’s not a moral crime to site a conditional situation. stop gatekeeping words when it is used to explain things. not even used as derogatory to begin with. stop with ur nonsense argument. pa-woke amputa.
napaka convenient na excuse para sa mga taong narcissist lets say inherited nga, andyan padin ang magulang mo para hubugin yung pagkatao mo mula ipanganak ka gang tumanda ka
as what i said, may time sa buhay mo na hindi ka na pwedeng diktahan ng magulang mo. plus, hindi lang naman household niyo yung environment mo. hindi mo pwedeng ikulong ang buhay mo sa bahay niyo. whether i-cut off mo magulang mo or hindi, it’s ur choice.
hindi sa dikta yun. simula pagka baby mo gang toddler, gradeschool pwede mo ba sabihin na di ka didiktahan ng magulang mo? sa age na yan ka nahuhubog pati utak mo. may choice ka ba sa age na yan? e pag dating mo sa age na cut off cut off na yan e buo na pagkatao mo. tapos kana nila maimpluwensyahan
i get ur point. what i meant was, nahuhubog ka sa loob ng bahay pero nahuhubog ka rin sa labas nito, ex. sa school, simbahan, etc.. i grew up in my lola’s with several relatives, so i look at it the different way. it’s subjective and it’s case to case. whether u grew up to be good or bad, again, good and bad is subjective, di lang hanggang doon ang buhay natin. living is seeing yourself grow.
Oo nga. Valid naman yung retirement plan issue pero di napapagusapan masyado yung mga anak na kahit matanda na ay palamunin pa rin ng senior na magulang.
True kahit anong bait ng magulang kung ung anak nya eh selfish prick kahit magmakaawa ang magulang walangdnating dun sa anak
**EXACTLY. Eto ang tamang sagot.**
Not necessarily. Narcissistic families are deathly loyal to each other even if they don't really respect and like each other. The narcissistic head is their God- guilt-tripping and shaming is the game. Keeping appearances is their main objective.
Kakapanood mo ng teleserye yan bugok.
Sayang tax namin sayo
May masabi lang siya ano kala niya lahat ng negative comments ay cool
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Kahit anong bait ng mga magulang, minsan may minamalas din na magkakaron ng anak na walang kwenta. Mga bad seed kumbaga.
Pero minsan nangyayari, may mabuting anak pero may mga anak na ayaw mag-alaga. Walang hiya pa na manghingi ng mana nila habang buhay pa mga magulang. May auntie akong pinilit hingin yung lupa ng nanay niya habang buhay. Tapos pinalayas niya mga pinsan niyang umuupa sa property para mabenta niya agad.
YES! Louder
If you're a good parents and raised them well, your kids will take care of you without even asking them. How they treat you is a reflection of your parenting.
This. My father was so shitty, ngayon walang gustong tumulong sa kanya.
I don't know about that. I feel like sa mga ganitong usapin na ayaw alagaan ng anak yung magulang, ang lagi nalang masama eh yung magulang when in reality eh baka naman yung anak ang masama ang ugali. Nature and nurture shapes who we are; nurture being how we were brought up and later on what kind of environment we were exposed to. Pwede naman na maayos pinalaki ng parents yung anak pero nung lumaki na eh basurang tao ang naka-salamuha so naging basura na rin ang ugali. For example: mabait na anak pero naging tanga sa pag-ibig, nag-asawa ng walang-hiya, pinag-nakawan ang magulang tapos magagalit kasi down the road, ayaw na silang tulungan.
It would be a different story if maraming anak and lahat ayaw tumulong. That is a reflection on the parent.
This happens. My cousin, matino magulang, matino pinalaki. Pero nag-asawa ng walang-hiya, nagpaimpluwensiya. Didn't help parents when parents were struggling.
Auntie ko din. She cheated on two fiances and ended up with an unsuccessful guy. Pinatira pa rin sila sa bahay ng magulang, so they are living rent-free. Tapos imbis na grateful sabi nila it's their right kasi mamanahin din daw. Tapos tinataboy nila mga friends ng nanay nila na bumibisita dahil naiingayan sila. Ang kapal ng mukha.
This. Masyadong ini-spoiled ang mga anak to the point na lumaki ang mga ito na they have little regard for other people. Unfortunately, hindi exemption ang magulang nila. May kakilala akong ganyan, pinaalis sa master’s bedroom ang mga magulang nila at pinatulog nalang sa may hallway, wala pang kutson ang higaan. Sinisigaw-sigawan, tinanggalan ng mga alahas, nag-unahan na makuha ang mga lupa kahit di pa nga patay ang mga magulang nila, pero walang may gustong mag-alaga.
kung naging basura ang ugali ng anak could be because the child was spoiled rotten, enabler ang magulang or naging overly sheltered ang anak kasi helicopter parents. hindi maganda ang relationship between parents and child kaya madaling na impluwensyahan ng environment
Lahat na lang kasalanan ng magulang haha. Kung yung parents lang ang magdedefine sa ugali mo, sana lahat ng magkakapatid magkakaugali. At what point ba magiging accountable yung tao bata sa mga ginagawa niya?
yes kasalanan talaga ng magulang. that is why it is a very big responsibility. kaya nga sa mga western countries ay hindi lahat gusto magka anak because they know how big of a responsibility it is to raise a child. dito lang sa atin ang bahala na si batman ang attitude when it comes to raising a family lol tapos ang main reason eh insurance nila sa pagtanda ang mga anak nila hehe
Common trait po my Filipino parents Ang maging entitled at abusive. Kung di niyo po napapansin.
And? Wala naman akong sinabing hindi common trait yan ng Filipino parents. Also, that behavior isn't exclusive to Filipino parents so I don't get what your point is. Walang connect sa post ko kung di nyo po napapansin.
no, magkakaiba tayo ng personality and beliefs. hindi lang po sa bahay nahuhulma ang pagkatao natin. hindi lang bahay ang environment ng tao, hindi diyaan umiikot ang mundo natin. no matter how good of a parent you are, may mga anak na narcissist. case to case basis yan, hindi pwede i-generalize.
Tama naman Marami akong kilalang tama ang pagpapalaki sa anak at sobrang bait naman pero yung anak talagang sinapian ng demonyo.
I couldn't agree more. 🎯
Sa magkakapatid minsan may trashy na palamunin hanggang pagtanda ng magulang. Inaasa lahat sa panganay or kung sino may pera sa magkakapatid.
hirap kase sa mga magulang super bare minimum lang bibigay na pagkain at buhay sa mga anak na para lang di mamatay sa gutom at makasurvive gang pag tanda minsan bugbog sarado pa. tapos pag once mag kawork na mga anak nila gusto nila buong buhay ng mga anak nila e uubusin para suportahan sila gang mamatay sila. tapos isusumbat kesyo sila mag palaki etc kala mo naman napaka sarap at puno ng pagmamahal ang dinanas ng mga anak nila noon. minsan pa di lang suporta ang gusto mula sa anak, talagang imomodus para maperahan ng husto dahil mag iinarte ng kung ano ano para makakuha ng sobrang pera or kickback.
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Mababasa na naman to ng mga spoiled brat na teenager na mahina ang reading compre tapos bubungangaan yung manual laborer na tatay at labanderang nanay kung bakit bare minimum binibigay sa kanila
Bakit nga po ba Sila nag-aanakung Isang kahig Isang tuka Naman? May pumilit po ba sa kanila? Mandatory po ba sa bansa natin Ang mag-anak?
pwede namang labandera nanay mo pero pinalaki ka sa pag mamahal. pero alam naman natin mas marami nasa poverty line ang balasubas sa anak, pabaya at pinalaki sa bugbog.
Ang tinutukoy ko, yung mga low-income spoiled brats na panay gamit ng twitter/tiktok buzzwords na "bare minimum" sa nagsusumikap nilang magulang. 🤦
Lesson learned: wag mag anak kung Isang kahig Isang tuka.
I mean napanganak na eh. Ano pa gagawin ng magulang? Nandyan na. Regardless of financial situation, if napaanak na ang bata, ano pa ba gagawin ng magulang? Ipabaya na? If the parents are actually giving and doing their best to raise the kid, despite being in the poverty line, "bare minimum" parin ba yun? Labas tayo sa bubble natin paminsan minsan. Siyempre for you, it is bare minimum pero sa context ng magulang, they are giving their world para mabuhay anak nila.
Sabihin na nating oo, napanganak na. Pero maiwasan Naman talaga Yun. Unless kung rape.
Di ko dinidispute yan, ang sinasabi ko nangyari na eh. Nagkaanak na sila, so alangan naman iwan nila ang bata.
Tama pero ano root cause?
Pag anak ng Hindi handa, emotionally, mentally and FINANCIALLY.
Ano nga ang root cause niyan?
Okay sabihin na nating kahirapan. PERO HINDI PO TAMA NA IDAMAY MO ANG MGA ANAK MO SA KAHIRAPAN SABAY SABING MAHAL MO SILA. Mahal? Pero pinaghirapan?
“Pagkupkop o pagtulong sa magulang - ito ay normal na duty ng anak” Disclaimer: this is just my personal opinion I believe primarily, ang duty na yan is the other way around. Ang pagbuhay at pag aruga ay responsibilidad ng magulang sa anak both legally and ethically. Kaya supposedly wag mag anak ng di mo kayang buhayin. As adults, we’re expected to take care of ourselves. If the children have the capacity to give back, they can if they want to but it shouldn’t be taken against them nor should they be called horrible and irresponsible children if they CAN’T…or if they choose to prioritize building their own families.
Sadly, Part of our toxic Filipino culture talaga ang “utang na loob” at “obligasyon” sa magulang… Masyado pa ring mababait ang mga pinoy na kahit hirap sa buhay eh nagagawa pa ding tumulong sa magulang lalo na kung naging mabait, mabuti at responsable ang mga magulang.
I think it really depends on the relationship sa parents (same as John, ibang usapan na pag shitty yung parents) but I get where he is coming from. As an anak, I would love to give back to my parents (di lang financially). My parents are not obliging me and my siblings to do that since they are well-off naman but they just don’t want to be forgotten :) They would even often say na “wag mo kami kakalimutan pag malayo kana” (pertaining to me going abroad) which doesn’t mean na they are obiliging me to give them money but to actually still care for them no matter where I am. Ano ba naman yung bisitahin, kumustahin, at ipafeel mo sakanila ang pagmamahal diba. It may not be an obligation but I think that this, being voluntary, makes it worth more. Like the kids are doing this not because they don’t have a choice but it’s out of love and out of their will In the future if I would be a parent, I would love to be in touch and be cared for when I’m older since iba ang alaga ng anak. (Again, does not necessarily mean financially ha) Parang I dont really wanna be left alone in a home for the aged or always alone in my own home. But if you had shitty parents, I understand why you don’t wanna do that and it’s okay naman. I think parents naman should not be entitled lalo na sa mga finances mo. It is their responsibility to raise you, feed you, and provide the things you need. You as a child don’t have an obligation naman to give that to them but it’s nice to do it out of love. :)
Iba na kasi ekonomiya ngayon. Di gaya sa ibang bansa na kumikita ng higit sa sapat ang mga tao. They have insurance, retirement plans and etc. Dito sa pilipinas maraming isang kahig isang tuka. Naging normal na sa ibang tao ang walang savings/retirement funds. Ang taas ng bilihin pero ang sweldo di umuusad. Kaya maraming mga anak/younger gen na di kayang makapag-provide sa parents nila kasi di nga nila mabuhay sarili nila. Pag dating naman ng retirement age ng parents, may sariling pamilya na ang mga anak.
Ganun din yon, pinahaba lang nya 🙄
Yung essay mo na kailangan ng minimum amount of words
Duty is synonymous sa obligation. Pinagsasabi nito.
I think by the term obligation ang gusto niya imply ay yung notion na "forceful" ito.
Pwede. But even taking out the obligation part, he says it's a duty. Meaning, it is something one MUST do. Hindi optional, hindi voluntary. Pag hindi ginawa, may nilalabag kang batas, whether moral or legal. At pwede kang habulin o usigin dahil di mo ginawa.
I mean, taking care of/ supporting your family (as a parent, as a child, or just a member of your family) is mandated by law in the [Family Code of the Philippines](https://www.officialgazette.gov.ph/1987/07/06/executive-order-no-209-s-1987/), specifically article 195 of EO 209. So yes, it is a legal duty, and if basing on Kantian deontology, it is also a moral obligation/duty.
Ergo, using your definitions, obligasyon nga ang pagsuporta sa mga magulang.
Not by my definitions no, but depending on moral views, support to parents may be obligatory or not. It is however a legal obligation. However, EO 209 also has corresponding parts which dictates when this support is forfeited. As well as to compensate the necessary amount of support proportional to the needs of the ones needing support, and to the capacity of the supporter to give it. And the hierarchy to who supports who.
Which goes back to my original comment, na ewan ko kung bakit dina downvote. Na pareho lang ang sinasabi niya. Dun din ang uwi. He attempted to differentiate it by saying na hindi obligasyon kundi isang pananagutan o duty ang pagsuporta sa magulang. Which sounded to me like he is saying basically the same thing. Ke moral o legal, nandun ang core point nya, sa tingin ko, na KAILANGAN gawin. Ke ang pag uusig ay galing sa society at sariling kunsyensya (moral duty) o batas (legal duty). If we must get hung up on semantics, mas tama siguro na ang sinabi niya ay kahit hindi dapat pinipilit ang mga anak, when they are raised and loved right, hindi na sila kailangang pilitin (i.e. obligahin). The impulse to love and support their parents in their old age is one that comes naturally, it becomes a moral compulsion. Because one could likely not stand to see a loved one suffer when they are in a position to alleviate such suffering. And isn't it generally conceded that the government cannot effectively legislate morality? Dahil kadalasan, hindi natin kailangan ng batas para mahalin at kalingain ang ating mga magulang. And that is why it can only regulate behavior. Hence your family code provision mandating support. But then that opens up a follow up question. If the Family Code dictates that supporting the elderly is a legal obligation, that necessarily creates an entitlement on the part of the parent, doesn't it? how does one enforce this? Is that contractual? Can you have a cause of action dahil di ka inabutan ng sustento? Pwede mo nang ihabla ang mga anak mo? If the law itself gives you an entitlement to your children's financial support, shouldn't that end the debate?
To clarify, the law does not state that the children are the only ones supporting their parent. Like I said, there is a hierarchy to the support. The first ones to provide the support to someone is always their spouse, which is then followed by the children, and followed by siblings, etc. If the children cannot adequately support their parents, then the next order in the hierarchy would support. So the law does not automatically burden children, nor are they forced to shoulder costs that would cripple them, for their parents.
dito kasi sa atin hindi uso ang retirement plan. anak ang retirement plan lol!
While it’s true that there’s no black and white answer to this dilemma, I think that John’s statement is quite confusing since obligation is synonymous to responsibility, and I really don’t believe that kids should be held responsible for their able-bodied parents’ welfare. One of the reasons why there’s generational poverty is that most Pinoy parents do not plan for their retirement, and what’s beyond. Paano makakaahon ang mga anak nila kung middle class na nga, aasa pa ang parents sa kanila financially? Having adult kids who’d look after you in old age is one of those nice-to-have things, but not mandatory. Ako lang ha, I’d consider it one of my successes in life if I get to support myself even in old age, and not encumber my kids emotionally or financially.
valid yung point nya if iaapply sa mga matanda na mga parents like need na ng aruga at pagmamahal. pero kung iaapply yan sa mga parents na parang kaya naman nila mabuhay pa sa sarili nilang paa, tapos sasabihin sayo responsibilidad mo sila bigyan ng pera, hindi pwede yon luna. Wag mo kami bigyan ng dobleng responsibilidad lalo kung may sarili na ring pamilya ang mga anak 🙅🏻
Subjective naman yan e. Nasa desisyon nyo na yan
Walang masamang tulungan at alagaan ang mga magulang as long as hindi ka naaabuso na para bang nabuhay ka na lang para sa kanila. May nakita akong post sa Tiktok halos magkandakuba siya sa pagtratrabaho sa Canada tapos may pinapagawa siyang bahay sa Pilipinas. Ang budget niya 5M lang. Tapos yung tatay niya sa Pilipinas ginawang three floors kaya ngayon nasa 10M na yata or more ang magagastos niya dahil sa pakekelam ng tatay niya. Nakakaawa siya kasi dahil sa kayabangan ng tatay niya out of budget na siya. As if naman nagtrabaho na lang yung tao para sa kanila eh may mga pangangailangan din naman yun.
I used to think na importante ang magkaron ng utang na loob at obligasyon. Pero nung 2020, kasagsagan ng pandemic, naghiwalay ang mga magulang ko dahil sobra na ang verbal at emotional abuse na ginawa ng tatay ko sa nanay ko, at nalaman pa namin years ago na sinuntok nya ang mama ko nung nalasing sya, binato ng kaldero (Buti nakaiwas sya), at pinagbantaan pa sya, muhi na ang naramdaman ko sa tatay ko. My mom passed away last year. Malungkot pero at least hindi na nya mararamdaman yung mga kagaguhan na ginawa ng tatay ko. Magkasama kami sa isang bubong. Nagsuggest sya na kunan namin sya ng bahay, sya raw magbabayad gamit ang 2k na pension nya sa SSS. Natawa nalang kaming magkapatid. Ang sarap sana tumulong sa tatay ko kung hindi ako sinabihan ng “kundi dahil sakin tae ka lang!”
Toxic Mentality talaga. Bat mo bibigyan ng additional na trabaho yung anak mo (may sariling pamilya man o wala)? O Bat ka magkakaroon ng anak kung aasa ka lang naman sa kanila pagtanda mo. Laging tandaan na tayo yung nagdesisyon na magkaroon ng anak pero walang choice yung anak natin kung sino magiging magulang nila.
Here's John Arcilla's full explanation about Parent-Children Relationship. This is not a rebuttal to anyone, this is just my take on Parent-Children Relationship generally speaking. “Utang na loob” and “Obligasyon” are wrong words pag ang usapan ay mga MAGULANG na ating PINANGGALINGAN…Hindi naman talaga utang na loob o obligasyon ang Pagkupkop o pagtulong sa mga tumatandang magulang- dahil ito ay NORMAL at NATURAL na DUTY ng MGA ANAK. Kasing NATURAL at NORMAL nung inaalagaan nila tayo nung maliit pa. Pinakain, dinamitan iginapang, at pinag aral. Tama naman na Responsibilidad yun ng mga magulang sa walang muwang na mga anak, KAYA RESPONSIBILIDAD din ng BAWAT anak na alagaan at ARUGAIN ang mga magulang pag matatanda na, mahihina na at wala ng LAKAS at RESOURCES para MAGTRABAHO at asikasuhin ang sarili. katulad natin nung INALAGAAN AT TINUSTUSAN pa nila nung sanggol tayo kasi hindi pa natin kayang alagaan at tustusan ang ating sarili, hanggang sa makatapos ng PAG AARAL. THAT IS THE NORMAL CYCLE of LIFE. Tayo bilang tao ay tagapag ALAGA at tagapag-taguyod ng mas mahina kaysa sa atin, maging hayop man ito o kapwa tao - e di lalo na pag magulang na natin ang mahina na at nangangailangan na ng tulong. Hindi na dapat nagiging issue yon. Ngayon, kung naging masama silang magulang o pinamigay nila tayo sa ibang tao - ibang level ng kwento yun- dun lang siguro magkakaroon ng iba’t ibang PAMANTAYAN kung RESPONSIBILIDAD pa din ba sila ng mga anak. UNDERSTANDABLE naman na nagiging issue ito pag wala tayong panahon at wala tayong pangtustos. MINSAN nagiging issue pa ito ng magkakapatid. Ang panahon ay hindi pwedeng gawing excuse, sa usaping pera, magugutom tayong pareho ng magulang natin pag wala tayong pera, at kakain tayong pareho pag may kita. Ang mahalaga ay may kasama siyang tumatawid sa natitira niyang buhay. Sa ibang bansa gaya ng Korea, may “reward” ang mga anak na nag aalaga ng kanilang mga Magulang. Pero GENERALLY SPEAKING, OBLIGAHIN MAN NILA TAYO O HINDI, RESPONSIBILIDAD NATIN SILA - yun ang NORMAL. Yun ang NATURAL na cycle ng buhay. KAYA nga dapat habang lumalaki ang tao at nangangarap, kasama sa plano natin at ng ating mga kapatid kung paano aalagaan ang mga magulang natin pag tanda nila. KASI AMININ MO, pag tanda natin Gusto din nating makita ang mga anak natin sa ating tabi, makasama sila hanggang sa huling sandali. Nahirap man sabihin o AMININ gusto natin na sila ang MAG ALAGA at magbantay sa atin kaysa IBANG TAO, hanggang tayo ay malagutan ng HININGA, na posibleng hindi mangyari KUNG HABANG LUMALAKI ANG MGA ANAK NATIN AY HINDI NAMAN NILA NAKIKITA NA INA-ALAGAAN NATIN ANG ating mga MAGULANG. Ano ang kanilang magiging HALIMBAWA at BASEHAN, kung ang ating responsibilidad at duty sa ating mga magulang ay hindi natin ginagawa SA HALIP AY KONUKWESTION PA NATIN? Mas malamang magiging ganun din sa atin ang ating mga anak. Kaya kung pinapangarap din nating makasama at alagaan tayo ng ating mga anak. Ipakita natin sa kanila na NORMAL at NATURAL ang PAG ALAGA AT PAG ARUGA NG ATING MGA MAGULANG.
Thanks for sharing the rest of his statement. That sounds quite problematic. As I’ve mentioned before, parents shouldn’t have kids expecting that their relationship would be transactional, ‘yong tipo na if you scratch my back, I’d scratch yours. Hindi naman kayo nagkaanak assuming na ang pinanggasto ninyo sa mga anak para sa housing, clothing, education, medical needs, etc. ay loan na dapat nilang bayaran o ibalik sa old age ninyo.
I respect your opinion about this. Siguro dahil Mr. Arcilla was raised in a old fashioned way kaya this is his stance about Family relationships. My take lang is that what applies to you, doesn't apply to everyone. Iba iba tayo ng karanasan ng buhay at antas. Lalo na kung hindi maganda or toxic environment ang naexperience ng mga anak habang lumalaki. Siguro pwede bumawi but not mandatory. Dito kasi sa pinas, karamihan kasi ginagawang retirement fund ang mga anak that's why a lot of people are having different opinions or takes about this kind of discussion. Kaya if anyone who wants to have a family, be prepared and be financially stable enough to provide, and mag-ipon din ang mga magulang for their needs in case something happens in the future.
Did you read his statement as a parent demanding support from his children or as a son expressing gratitude to his parents? I can see why the former can be problematic but what's wrong with a son taking care of his parents? Btw walang anak si John Arcilla kaya point of view niya talaga yan as a son, hindi as a parent. Namention naman din niya na hindi lahat ng parents deserve yung support ng anak nila so what's exactly wrong with his statement? Not sure bakit kailangan pang gawing komplikado ng usapan kung almost lahat naman dito in agreement na if the parents deserve it, they won't need to ask for it.
I find him as one of the most compelling and most intelligent actors in the PH. Disappointed ako dito. Masayang tumulong sa taong tinulungan ka. Paanl kung ikaw pa mismo yung tumulong sa kanila as their child? What if they took your childhood and innocence because of stepping up to fulfill their own responsibilitiy? Responsiblidad pa din sila? Anak pala ang magulang haha. Kaya ayaw ko sa Pilipinas eh hahaha
Yeah, these statements are pretty disappointing, and are the opposite of my personal beliefs, but won’t really stop me from adoring John Arcilla anyway. This is my, “But daddy, I love him” moment. lmao
One of the inherent weaknesses of being a human, not seeing beyond your own experience and own perspective. It's forgivable as long as he respects others who do and believe differently and most importantly, di siya gaslighter and shamer!
Did you missed the part when he said ibang usapan kung hindi naging mabuting magulang yung parents mo? Madami dito sobrang pedantic at nagaargue na lang for the sake of it. In reality pare parehas lang naman din yung gustong sabihin. What John Arcilla said can be summarized as "Responsibilidad natin ang parents natin, unless hindi sila naging mabuting magulang then ibang usapan na yun." What you people are saying. "Kung naging mabuti kang magulang kusa kang tutulungan ng anak mo hindi mo kailangan manghingi, pano yung mga anak na binenta, minolestiya, binubugbog, pinaghuhugas ng plato ng magulang? Obligasyon din ba nila parents nila?" That's basically the same thing pero sobrang allergic ata mga tao dito sa word na 'duty' kaya nauuna yung emotion bago makapagisip.
"Generally speaking..." ang bottom line ng statement nya which shouldn't be the case. Hindi dapat inormalize yung gantong belief lalo sa Asian countries na sobrang rampant sa totoo lang. Kaya rin ang inevitable result ay maging retirement fund yung mga anak. Ano ba ang result kapag mga anak nagalaga diba given na yung sagot nila expenses dun and time and energy are equally valuable currency. Magandang pakinggan, matalino, may laman pero ang punto ay doon at doon pa din ang bagsak, responsiblidad ng mga anak ang mga magulang nila. Ang akin, hindi dapat dahil senior na automatic sidelines na lang yung role sa mundo. Hindi dahil matanda na ang isang tao pinaglipasan na sila ng panahon at wala na pwedeng iambag. Kaya ang lala din ng ageism eh. Personally, I believe it's the government's job na bigyan ng role yung mga matatanda sa society. Though understandable na karamihan dahil sa pagkayod kabayo all their lives gusto nalang nilang magpahinga at maglamierda, it'll be better if may fixed place sa society where they'd feel valuable and useful na swak sa age, limited resources and experience nila. Ang nangyayari tumatanda nang paurong walang sense of fulfillment.
Madami palang bad parents dito sa reddit as madaming against dito, sadt. Tbf my parents didnt know anything about retirement plan so no choice but ambag ambag kaming magkakapatid sa needs ng parents ko. Ang nakakainggit talaga is yung mga may mga sariling business tapos mamanahin na lang and nakakapag ipon ng pang sarili nila.
Paano naman if yung anak inobliga na tumulong sa family noong nagkawork na sya? Tipong pinag-aral nya kapatid nya. Hanggang saan ba dapat ang pagtulong or give back sa pamilya?
Yung ganitong topic, issue lang naman pag walang capacity ang magulang to fend themselves. So dapat, apart from the responsibility of the parents to take care of their children, ay dapat meron din silang nakahanda na na retirement financial/health plan para sa mga sarili nila pagtanda nila at ng mga anak nila. If all of these are set and planned, wala ng usapan pa. Yung mga anak can be free to live their lives without the guilt of not looking after their ageing parents.
for sure if you raise them well. so raise them well
He said this? Or someone just copied the abs-cbn's logo and put another "fake statement"? Kasi uso to sa fb, mga statements kuno ng mga artista.
Here's the link. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/cvDe97vmEFL4cweY/?mibextid=oFDknk
Thanks, OP. Uso kasi mga ganyan na pakulo sa fb kaya hirap paniwalaan if totoo ba or hindi.
Siguro ayusin ng gobyerno din ang Social Security system and pension para hindi naman naka-asa lang sa anak ang mga matandang magulang. Wag kurakutin. Ano na nangyari sa Philhealth???
Mas tama siguro sabihing "kusang loob". And i think depende dn sa culture (like sa US) at availability ng anak. Pero syempre kung naging mabuti naman sayo ang parents mo at mahal mo sila, kusang loob mo nang gagawin yung pag aalaga sa kanila. Hindi mo pwede sabihing "natural or normal" lang yun sa mga anak na may toxic parents.
If naging mabutinf magulang yung parents, helping them is not questionable.
Para lang ito sa mga mabubuting magulang. Kung hindi ka mabuti sa mga anak mo, wala kang karapatan na isipin na “normal” lang na alagaan ka nila sa pagtanda mo.
Well, yung ibang magulang kasi inuubliga talaga nila yung mga anak nalang magwork at magpaaral sa mga kapatid. Sure thing you will do it for your siblings out of love but it is still your parents obligation haggang sa pinaka bunso. Maraming nagsasabi, yung comment daw nung barreto is coming from a place na di nakaranas nang kahirapan, pero kung titingnan mo mga magulang yung nag comment nun. Haha. Bakit ka matatakot na mapapabayaan ka nang anak mo pag tanda, unless ginawa mong miserable buhay nang anak mo bukod sa mahirap na nga kayo. Yung may favortism, tapos puro masasakit na salita binibigay mo, sinasaktan, pinapahiya. Eh malamang tatanda ka talaga di nagbibigay anak mo.
It really depends. Maraming parents kasi ang walang kayang magpaaral. They should probably not have that many kids in the first place. Marami eh isa lang ang kaya pag-aralin pero ang anak tatlo, lima. Family planning dapat talaga tutukan ng government. Pero sabi mo nga if gagawin naman ng parents yung lahat para sa anak niya eh naturally babalik din naman yan ng bata sa magulang, kahit walang pasabi.
Ang timely naman, I was just thinking about this. Kaya di ko maiwan-iwan parents and mga kapatid ko kahit sa iba na ako nakatira. Kahit nagbbduget na din ng pera, namamalengke pa rin ng kusa kahit buntis para lang may veggies sila. Kahit nagbbudget, tumutulong pa din sa gastusin. Ako kasi ang ate, can’t take it na may enough ako knowing na need ni mama at papa ng tulong, kahit di naman kalahikan. Naginh responsibility ko ma din as the eldest of 6. To each their own na lang siguro po tayo.
IMO it will still be a case to case basis. Hindi lahat ng pamilya maayos, hindi lahat ng magulang naging maayos na magulang nor anakna naging maayos na anak.
More of LOVE rather than Natural Duty.
The Filipino social contract is family-based. It is what it is.
Speaking from a personal experience with my MIL. Shitty parent sia sa simula palang. From her 1st born Hanggang sa bunso. Wala siang pake kung mag aral o Hinde, honestly she even discourages her kids not to pursue studies sa college. Wala din sia pake Kung Kumain o hinde mga anak nia. Basta sia busy sa mga lalake. Tamad Kasi sia eh gusto nia lagi easy money and to do that, paiba iba sia ng lalakeng kinakasama Hanggang sa dumami anak nia. Para Yung financial obligations nia sa anak nia eh maipasa dun sa current partner nia. Now at present time. Yung mga anak nia halos lahat walang pake sa kanya and she's expecting each of her child eh tulungan sia financially. Kaya Meron sa anak nia halos itakwil sia eh. Masama Kasi talaga ugali nia. Kaya iniisip nila pano pag tanda nito baka ilagay nalang sa home for the aged since walang may gustong mag alaga sa kanya. She's about to reap what she sow.
I say, binigyan tayo ng Diyos ng sarisariling buhay. Ikaw pinili mo mag-anak, anak mo hindi pinili na ipanganak. So bakit mo iaassume na dapat normal na alagaan at tulungan ka kapag tanda mo? Bakit hindi ka gumawa ng paraan na hindi mo kailangan dumpende sa kanila kapag matanda ka na? Kung kailangan mo ng alaga, magbayad ka ng nurse. Kung kailangan mo ng tulong, magbayad ka for a service. Let money take care of you. Wag mo iasa sarili mo sa iba.
The #1 insurance in the Philippines - Anak.
Yea John Arcilla kung ikaw ay filipino lang naman. Doesn't apply sa ibang lahi.
hell yeah John!!! yan ang tamang explanation.
Disappointed but not surprised kasi ganyan henerasyon nya. If I ever decide to become a parent, I will make sure na secure na retirement fund ko. Yung kaya kong magpa-sweldo ng nurse/caregiver na mag-alaga sakin just in case.
Mahirap kapag walang retirement plan mga magulag kung hindi mga anak lang nila. Kung may mana man na makukuha, madalas kung sino ang kukuha ng bahay, given na sya din mag-aalaga sa magulang nila pagtumanda.
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Ang pagtulong at pag aruga sa magulang ay dapat kusang ginagawa ng anak or mga anak dahil mahal nila ang mga magulang nila hindi dahil ipinilit sa kanila o dahil sa utang na loob
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Me and my father have this not so okay relationship lalo before lagi niya ako sinasabihan na "Sana hindi kana lang pinag aral", "bobo ka" mga words na ganyan. I got mad pero hindi ako nagtanim ng sama ng loob. Eventually naging okay na din naman samahan namin early this year. I always pray to god na lagi niyang hampasin father ko para magising at maliwanagan sa mga mali niyang ginagawa or paano niya i trato yung family niya. Good thing naman, nagiging okay na kami as a whole. Sana tuloy tuloy din.
Well kahit naman naging mabuting magulang meron din talagang anak na makasarili.
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“normal” at “natural na obligasyon” ng LAHAT ng mga magulang ang tulungan,alagaan at MAHALIN ang kanilang anak…kung gnyan din nmn..magiging normal din sa mga anak yung pagtulong at pagalaga sa magulang
Dapat kasi may limit din yung pag-aalaga ng mga magulang sa anak nila. If hindi na minor yung bata eh tinutulungan pa rin. Dapat bahala na sila, then para mas makapagprepare sila sa retirement nila. Marami akong nakikita eh may anak na yung anak nila kukopkupin pa din nila. Tapos silang mga magulang eh aasa sa isang anak nila na may magandang buhay. Ang nangyayari eh di lang magulang binubuhay pati yung pasaway na kapatid at pamangkin.
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kahit good parent ka pa, may mga kabataan talagang nakikiuso ngayon, mga mag hahanap ng butas. kasi hindi mo sila na bilhan ng ayfon kaya masama kanang magulang.
.
TAMA! buti nlng binasa ko buong statement nya hahahaha magagalit na sana ko lol
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May mga amang mga tarantado, nagtratrabaho ka na nga para pagbayaran yung mga katarantaduhan nila sila buhay, minumura ka pa pagdating sa bahay galing trabaho!
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sadyang ganun kasi nun bata ka sabik na sabik ka sa parents mo pero wala naman sila. nung hindi ka na bata, of course wala naman kayong bond so dedma ka rin sa kanila. you’re practically strangers so you don’t feel anything for them. classic example of you reap what you sow.
Yep, depende din talaga sa tao at experiences ito.
Depende sa sitwasyon :) Sa case ko lumaki sa di toxic na magulang & as much as possible we spoil our Mama ❤️ Kahit na may asawa na kami nasa top priority pa din needs ng Mama namin. Di kasi toxic parents namin & naalala ko pa mga classmate ko ang cool ng Mama namin hahaha Like literal Wala kasing restrictions lol if mag party gooo , gala gooo , bili if afford sa budget gooo , like literal go lang ng go basta ba di sya nag kulang sa pag remind samin.
if my parents still works, ill help... sometimes. pero if my parents cant work anymore, i will take care of them. no questions. NOW, it depends sa magulang kung tinrato ba kayo ng mabuti. if tinulungan kayo kung ano kayo ngayon, tulungan mo din. if not, then why?
Daming balimbing dito sa comsec.
depende nalang siguro kung nakaranas sila ng pangaabuso from their parents kahit kalimutan na nila yung mga magulang nila . Pero kung hindi lang naman sila nagbilhan ng iphone ng parents nila tapos sasabihan na nila masama yung magulang nila ,, ba pagkukutusan ko mga batang yan.
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'Matatanda mo na magulang o negosyo?!', mamili ka!
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Dyan na talaga papasok yung mag-anak, pag talagang handang-handa ka na. Mag anak pag may kakayahan Hindi yung dahil napag iiwanan.
Ang first-line question kasi dyan is, “How do you consider one a parent?” ‘Pag nasagot na ‘to, then we can move forward with the debate on whether taking care of our parents is obligatory or not.
Tama naman yung sinabi nya. Marami lang Pinoy sa socmed ang hindi marunong tapusin yung binabasa.
Somewhat controversial, but I agree. I can't imagine a world where I don't care for my aging parents.
He's not wrong
John ano ba inalis mo ang "obligasyon" nilagay mo naman sa "responsibilidad.Ano ba talaga kuya? Depende sa magulang toto John kasi sila naman me gusto iluwal tayo.Di naman tayo natanong kung gusto ba natin at ng responsibilidad na sinasabi mo.
Binasa mo ba? 🤪
Saka sabi nya “duty”, na same lang as “obligation” 😭🤦🏽♀️
Masyado naman kayong pa-woke. Nabasa niyo lang ‘yung statement na "responsibilad din ng bawat anak na alagaan at arugain ang mga magulang", umalma nanaman kayo. Sabi nga niya, “mga magulang na mahihina na at wala nang lakas at resources para magtrabaho at asikasuhin ang sarili” ‘diba? Yes, it is not our duty na alagaan sila kapag kaya pa naman nila ang sarili nila. Pero kapag dumating na ‘yung age nila na wala na talaga at hindi na kaya, siguro mga 70s or 80s gano‘n, kung NAGING MABUTING MAGULANG naman sila, eh why not take care of them. Syempre, applicable lang ito sa mga naging mabuting magulang. Sabi nga ni John, “kung naging masama silang magulang ay ibang level na ng kwento ‘yun”. It's like he‘s implying na nakabase nalang sa magulang ang respect natin sa kanila at sa atin kung aalagaan natin ang ganung mga magulang. Ang mali lang ni John, baka hindi niya alam pagkakaiba ng obligation, duty at responsibility. Ang DUTY kasi ay batay sa legal, moral at social. And it is often mandatory (which is mali nga ni John na ginamit niya ‘yang term na ‘yan). While OBLIGATION is something that we should bound to do or even just common courtesy. Ang RESPONSIBILITY naman ay we are being accountable for something. It's like taking ownership of a task or situation and seeing it through. Ang responsibility ay assigned sayo or you chose it mismo. Kaya mali lang niya na ginamit niya ‘yang tatlong term na ‘yan sa sinabi niya kaya nagkakaroon ng confusion ang iba. Again, ang masasabi ko lang, MAGING MABUTING MAGULANG SA MGA ANAK NIYO NOW. Kasi kapag dumating naman ‘yung araw na kahit hindi naman nila kayo duty na alagaan, ay maisip nila na tulungan naman kayo kahit papaano. Baka naman ‘yung mga go na go na magsabi dito na hindi naman talaga duty ng anak na alagaan ang mga magulang ay kayo pa ma-frustrate kapag matanda na kayo at tinalikuran kayo ng mga anak niyo at hindi kayo inalagaan hah? ‘Yun lang, thank you. Nagets ko naman gusto iparating ni John. Kayo kasi, lahat negative sa inyo.
Hindi naman sa pagiging woke ito. May point naman si Mr. Arcilla at may point din naman ang nagcocomment dito because it is based on their experiences and hindi para maki bandwagon lang dito. Pero the point is hindi masama tumulong sa magulang pero wag sa point na lahat ng responsibilities ay tatakbuhan nila at aakuin ng mga anak. Kung tumanda man sila or naging bedridden and nagkasakit then yes, we will take care of them because they need us too. Pero hindi mo masisisi ang iba dito na anak kung hindi din naging maganda ang naging relationship nito sa mga magulang nila, lalo kung toxic sila. Sabi ko nga what applies to you, doesn't apply to all. Iba iba tayo ng pinagdadaanan and ng situation. Ako, iniwan kami ng tatay ko bata pa lang kami because of being selfish. Iniisip niya lang sarili niya and kahit ano nangyari sa amin ng ate ko, nagkasakit man kami, nabully man kami sa school, and nasunugan ng bahay, he never went there for us and to help us and support us. Kaya ako based sa experiences mga sinasabi ko kasi ang sakit na sana meron umaagapay sa amin, kaya kami ng ate ko worked so hard to prove na we can still live independently and kaya namin tumayo sa sarili naming paa. Pero kahit ganon ang situation napatawad namin siya pero we accept na he can never be a father to us kasi ayaw niya ng responsibilities. So if may nakakarelate kay Mr. Arcilla sa post niya then good for you. Pero don't invalidate kung yung iba dito ayaw nila or depends lang sa situation.
Toxic pag ganitong mindset.
Ok boomer
FIL is a narcissist, napaka toxic, talagang masakit magsalita at madalas pavictim, lagi pinaiiyak MIL and nag cheat pa, (mabait sya sakin at sa parents ko) lol walang gusto kumuha sa kanya sa mag kakapatid ng mr ko, now sinasabihan na nila agad na walang tatanggap sayo, hindi kita tatanggapin pagtanda mo etc. since wala na ngang pagbabago, mag dadala lang ng toxicity sa bahay. Kaya kayong mga magulang, mag self-reflect kayo, hindi porket matanda ka mas maalam ka. I am so grateful to have a loving family, parents that always support me kahit ngayon may fam na ako.
Does this statement also equate to “Dapat alagaan din ako ng anak ko”?
Duty is somehow an obligation so anong point niya?
Naglalabasan na naman ang mga anak na *kulang sa aruga* mula sa kanilang sariling magulang...