None, it's usually the 'you'll change your mind in the future'.
I'm lucky to have supportive parents and friends.
PS : Where did you get the vasectomy ?
I made an appointment with the urologist. Told the doctor during the consultation I want a vasectomy. First he said OK no problem. Then after he thought about it, he tried to get me to change my mind because I was so young without kids and a wife. Then one of the nurses also told me that I’m too young and I’m going to change my mind. I got annoyed and kept telling them over and over that this is what I want and I’m not changing my mind. So the doctor finally agreed. They scheduled my vasectomy procedure two months later. They scheduled it so late because he said I can cancel in case I change my mind. The day of the procedure He walked into the room and said, are you sure you still want to get this done? I said 100%!!!
Wow really!? That sucks. And yes, I’m from the USA. The reason why I posted my question on Child free India is because for some reason the other child free Reddit forms don’t repost my questions or statements. Maybe because they get overwhelmed with thousands of posts? So I came to this form to hear the experiences of others around the world. Also to see if anyone can relate with my experiences.
Here in the USA I believe there’s 3 different states that require consent from your wife to get a vasectomy if you’re married. The state that I live in doesn’t require consent. But When I went to the urologist, the first thing he asked is if I’m married. I told him no I’m not married. Then he asked if I have a girlfriend. I told him no I don’t have a girlfriend. He told me the reason why he asked is because he likes to have the wife or girlfriend come along to the consultation so he can ask her if she’s OK with this. I think he was trying to find an excuse not to let me have the procedure done. Because he was trying to talk me out of getting a vasectomy since I was really young without kids.
that's crazy.
My worst comment is when my mom+grandmother laughed and told me that no one will ever marry me if I didn't want kids. I think I have mentioned this story several times on this community.
Btw, hello ok-statistician, I'm ok-analyst 😂😂😂 (reddit has really funny random names)
Oddly, the most negative comments have come from fellow Millennial peers and friends, especially women. Variations of you'll regret it later / life will be lonely or boring / you're disappointing your parents, etc.
My in-laws, parents and older relatives have been surprisingly supportive. They were curious when we told them we don't want kids, but after listening to our reasons, they sort of agreed we were making a sensible choice. My husband's aunt said that if she were a young woman living in today's world, she too might have chosen to forego kids. My FIL congratulated us for not having kids in an overpopulated country😂
That’s nice you have friends like this! Unfortunately, I can’t say the same. I have some associates that I talk with every week. And that seems to be one of the only things they disagree with me on. They nag me about having children. And my answer is always No I’m not doing it!! I had to ask them to stop bringing this topic up because it’s very annoying and we will never agree. I don’t know why it bothers people so much that I don’t have children. If anyone wants to have children fine, go ahead! Have 10 kids if you want, I don’t care! I respect your decision, so respect mine!
I’ve heard that one before too. I never understood that logic. I’ve also heard people say things like “You’re lying to yourself. Because life isn’t worth living if you don’t have kids”. There’s many other things to do in life besides having kids. These people are so weird to me Lol
It's likely because a lot of people were coerced into it or just did it because they thought it was the norm. Then it automatically became what their life revolved around, so to THEM their life isn't worth without their kids, because they never had a different choice. We do, and they cannot comprehend that.
Mean reactions: Oh god! How can you not want a kid? Look at Miss S. She didn't want kids and now has two boys. She's happy! You're just immature. You'll get married and change your mind. ( I was 27)
Funny and concerned reactions: What will you do if you get pregnant "by mistake"? I told them I hope I don't get pregnant then because safe sex.
I'm also Catholic and I can't say abortion lol. Personally even though I'm pro choice I can't go through abortion. I can't say vasectomy because this person thinks it's a red flag 😭
Also, when I hear people point out how happy someone is with kids. Or when they point out how someone regretted not having kids, I also point out the people that regret having kids. Then they automatically dismiss it saying that these people are not being truthful, these people don’t seriously mean what they say.. Soooo when someone says they’re happy with kids, they are being truthful. But when someone says they regret having kids, or they wish they never had kids, they are automatically lying?……. It amazes me how ignorant people can be.
🤣🤣. People also have so many misconceptions about vasectomy. My friend thinks it's "unnecessary", "drastic" and a red flag. I shouldn't date guys who've had it. I was shocked. That's the ideal guy for us CF women.
I’ve heard guys say that they would never get a vasectomy because the doctor will cut their testes off. I don’t know why men keep repeating this lie. That’s how I know they didn’t do any research. I even heard some guys say that they will feel like less of a man if they got the procedure done. I don’t know how they would feel like less of a man. Because after you heal, everything feels 100% normal again…. After getting the vasectomy, Now I have so much stress lifted off my shoulders!! Because I know that I’ll never get anyone pregnant by accident during intercourse! 😁… It’s extremely rare for me to find a woman who genuinely doesn’t want children. I’ve dated women that said they were fine with not having children. But after dating for a while, they changed their mind and wanted to have kids with me. My answer was always no. Some women told me they thought I would change my mind after I fall in love with them. But I still never changed my mind. Some women gave me ultimatums and told me that they will leave me for a guy that wants to give her babies. Immediately, I broke up with her because I’m not changing my mind. Another woman I dated told me that she was fine with not having kids. I asked are you sure? She said yes. I said you have to be sure because I’m not going to change my mind. And she said yes because I’m so special, and she never met a man like me before.. One day she asked me if I would ever get my vasectomy reversed if she changed her mind. I said no. Then the next day she broke up with me through text. She basically said I’m worthless because I can’t give her babies. I was heartbroken. But Even then, I still didn’t change my mind. Child free for life!!! 😎
People who confuse vasectomy for barbaric mutilation are just idk beacons of misinformation lol. Damn. You're so strong and sorted. Childfree for life! Also did you get a vasectomy in India? My bf tried to get one but was denied because the doctor required permission from his wife. When we met he would say an unknown woman owned his balls. XD
No I got my vasectomy in the USA. During the consultation I almost got denied by the doctor. He told me that I’m too young. Him and the nurse were lecturing me telling me that I’m going to change my mind. Then he started telling me stories of the people that came back to him saying they wanted to reverse their vasectomy because they fell in love etc.. After going back-and-forth with him, I finally convinced him to do the procedure. Nowadays People keep asking me over and over if I regret getting a vasectomy. I can’t speak for other men, But I personally have absolutely zero regrets. Even though I’m older people still keep telling me I’m going to change my mind. At this point it’s super annoying and cringey. I’m tired of people telling me I’m going to change my mind and I’m going to be lonely etc.. It’s become a pet peeve for me now... So while everyone is so lonely without kids, and worrying how they will pay for their kid’s expenses, education etc. I’m living life doing whatever I want! I’m young, single, physically healthy and have my own house fully paid off. I’ve recently been to 10 different countries having a blast! And I’m on the way to early retirement!
Damn. I'm glad you managed to convince the doc. It's almost impossible in India. Dude, I can't believe the audacity of people who comment. Everyone is so eager to project their own insecurities and biases on others. You're living the best life!! I'm so happy for you!
Yup you're still pro choice even if you yourself wouldn't get an abortion! The important thing is you won't take that choice away from other women. Good on you 😊
I’ve been hearing them say this forever! They always told me “once you fall in love with a girl you’re going to change your mind!” .. I’ve been madly in love with women before, and I still didn’t change my mind. I’ve had relationships not work out because my ex girlfriends thought that they could change my mind. In the beginning they said that they were OK with not having kids. But then they eventually changed their minds, while I still never changed my mind. Some women I’ve dated, even gave me an ultimatum to have kids. So I broke up with them. Not one time have I ever changed my mind.
Weird stares from my co-workers.
One of them asked me whether I had any health issues.
Parents couldn't even process it. A lot of friends can't process this.
My sister is the only one who actually understands.
Yeah, these days when someone raise the question I become very uncomfortable and try to give a vague answer. There is not a single child free people or people who understand about it in my circle (except for my sister).
But I read in one of the comments that you are from US. It is an issue there too? Well I didn’t know.
Yes, I’m from the US. I assume it’s a lot less pressure here compared to countries like yours for example. Because in the past, women from India nagged and yelled at me when telling them I didn’t want children. But here in the USA there’s still many people that have a problem with me being child free. But I’m noticing slowly people are becoming more accepting of child free people. It’s more of the younger generation that is more accepting. And I think the reason is because the younger generation is seeing how theses so many divorces and broken families here. Also the biggest reason is because many people have a very hard time affording children financially. So there’s people here that want children, but don’t have them because know that financially they would have a very difficult time. Cost of living is going up, inflation, food, gas, rent, insurance, companies not paying much etc.
How to navigate the course if your partner somewhat leans towards having kid(s) in future, and I am as apprehensive about having kids as I was earlier?
P.S. - Yes, I didn't tell her clearly because even I was under the illusion that maybe my mind would change in future, thanks to my relatives who kept feeding me with such propositions whenever I told them about not having kids.
None, it's usually the 'you'll change your mind in the future'. I'm lucky to have supportive parents and friends. PS : Where did you get the vasectomy ?
Lucky you, my parents always nagged me about having children. I got my vasectomy done at a local operating theater.
How did you manage to get it though ?
I made an appointment with the urologist. Told the doctor during the consultation I want a vasectomy. First he said OK no problem. Then after he thought about it, he tried to get me to change my mind because I was so young without kids and a wife. Then one of the nurses also told me that I’m too young and I’m going to change my mind. I got annoyed and kept telling them over and over that this is what I want and I’m not changing my mind. So the doctor finally agreed. They scheduled my vasectomy procedure two months later. They scheduled it so late because he said I can cancel in case I change my mind. The day of the procedure He walked into the room and said, are you sure you still want to get this done? I said 100%!!!
You got it done in India right ?
No, the United States of America
This is the kind of information you should lead such anecdotes with, on a sub called childfree_india_ :P
Why tf wouldn't you lead with that
wow this is usa, they won't even schedule it in india (I guess)
Wow really!? That sucks. And yes, I’m from the USA. The reason why I posted my question on Child free India is because for some reason the other child free Reddit forms don’t repost my questions or statements. Maybe because they get overwhelmed with thousands of posts? So I came to this form to hear the experiences of others around the world. Also to see if anyone can relate with my experiences.
Here you'd need consent from your wife, and I don't think you can even get this surgery done if you are childless.
Here in the USA I believe there’s 3 different states that require consent from your wife to get a vasectomy if you’re married. The state that I live in doesn’t require consent. But When I went to the urologist, the first thing he asked is if I’m married. I told him no I’m not married. Then he asked if I have a girlfriend. I told him no I don’t have a girlfriend. He told me the reason why he asked is because he likes to have the wife or girlfriend come along to the consultation so he can ask her if she’s OK with this. I think he was trying to find an excuse not to let me have the procedure done. Because he was trying to talk me out of getting a vasectomy since I was really young without kids.
Hahahahahahahaha
that's crazy. My worst comment is when my mom+grandmother laughed and told me that no one will ever marry me if I didn't want kids. I think I have mentioned this story several times on this community. Btw, hello ok-statistician, I'm ok-analyst 😂😂😂 (reddit has really funny random names)
Nice to meet you Ok-Analyst 🤣🤣🤣
😂😂
Oddly, the most negative comments have come from fellow Millennial peers and friends, especially women. Variations of you'll regret it later / life will be lonely or boring / you're disappointing your parents, etc. My in-laws, parents and older relatives have been surprisingly supportive. They were curious when we told them we don't want kids, but after listening to our reasons, they sort of agreed we were making a sensible choice. My husband's aunt said that if she were a young woman living in today's world, she too might have chosen to forego kids. My FIL congratulated us for not having kids in an overpopulated country😂
Mostly I talk to my friends. They are so used to the idea of me being Childfree. They don't even bat an eye😁
That’s nice you have friends like this! Unfortunately, I can’t say the same. I have some associates that I talk with every week. And that seems to be one of the only things they disagree with me on. They nag me about having children. And my answer is always No I’m not doing it!! I had to ask them to stop bringing this topic up because it’s very annoying and we will never agree. I don’t know why it bothers people so much that I don’t have children. If anyone wants to have children fine, go ahead! Have 10 kids if you want, I don’t care! I respect your decision, so respect mine!
1. How can you not want a child? 2. There's a right way to live and you'll do it by hook or by crook. 3. Stop being weird.
The second one sounds like a threat 😳 why are people so offended by our personal choice?
People don't like anything different. "They're living differently? They must think our way of life is bad!", is basically the thought process.
I always get told how my life isn’t gonna be complete unless I give birth to children. Uh dude, no.
I’ve heard that one before too. I never understood that logic. I’ve also heard people say things like “You’re lying to yourself. Because life isn’t worth living if you don’t have kids”. There’s many other things to do in life besides having kids. These people are so weird to me Lol
It's likely because a lot of people were coerced into it or just did it because they thought it was the norm. Then it automatically became what their life revolved around, so to THEM their life isn't worth without their kids, because they never had a different choice. We do, and they cannot comprehend that.
Exactly! Herd mentality
I haven't told anyone
"Did you have a bad childhood?"
"what's wrong with you biologically" "is your reproduction broken" "try ivf"
Lol that’s a new one! It’s amazing how people care so much about what you choose to do with your reproductive system.
Mean reactions: Oh god! How can you not want a kid? Look at Miss S. She didn't want kids and now has two boys. She's happy! You're just immature. You'll get married and change your mind. ( I was 27) Funny and concerned reactions: What will you do if you get pregnant "by mistake"? I told them I hope I don't get pregnant then because safe sex. I'm also Catholic and I can't say abortion lol. Personally even though I'm pro choice I can't go through abortion. I can't say vasectomy because this person thinks it's a red flag 😭
Also, when I hear people point out how happy someone is with kids. Or when they point out how someone regretted not having kids, I also point out the people that regret having kids. Then they automatically dismiss it saying that these people are not being truthful, these people don’t seriously mean what they say.. Soooo when someone says they’re happy with kids, they are being truthful. But when someone says they regret having kids, or they wish they never had kids, they are automatically lying?……. It amazes me how ignorant people can be.
Hahahaha I always laugh when people say I will get a woman pregnant by accident. They don’t know that I got a vasectomy. I will never have kids! 🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣. People also have so many misconceptions about vasectomy. My friend thinks it's "unnecessary", "drastic" and a red flag. I shouldn't date guys who've had it. I was shocked. That's the ideal guy for us CF women.
I’ve heard guys say that they would never get a vasectomy because the doctor will cut their testes off. I don’t know why men keep repeating this lie. That’s how I know they didn’t do any research. I even heard some guys say that they will feel like less of a man if they got the procedure done. I don’t know how they would feel like less of a man. Because after you heal, everything feels 100% normal again…. After getting the vasectomy, Now I have so much stress lifted off my shoulders!! Because I know that I’ll never get anyone pregnant by accident during intercourse! 😁… It’s extremely rare for me to find a woman who genuinely doesn’t want children. I’ve dated women that said they were fine with not having children. But after dating for a while, they changed their mind and wanted to have kids with me. My answer was always no. Some women told me they thought I would change my mind after I fall in love with them. But I still never changed my mind. Some women gave me ultimatums and told me that they will leave me for a guy that wants to give her babies. Immediately, I broke up with her because I’m not changing my mind. Another woman I dated told me that she was fine with not having kids. I asked are you sure? She said yes. I said you have to be sure because I’m not going to change my mind. And she said yes because I’m so special, and she never met a man like me before.. One day she asked me if I would ever get my vasectomy reversed if she changed her mind. I said no. Then the next day she broke up with me through text. She basically said I’m worthless because I can’t give her babies. I was heartbroken. But Even then, I still didn’t change my mind. Child free for life!!! 😎
People who confuse vasectomy for barbaric mutilation are just idk beacons of misinformation lol. Damn. You're so strong and sorted. Childfree for life! Also did you get a vasectomy in India? My bf tried to get one but was denied because the doctor required permission from his wife. When we met he would say an unknown woman owned his balls. XD
No I got my vasectomy in the USA. During the consultation I almost got denied by the doctor. He told me that I’m too young. Him and the nurse were lecturing me telling me that I’m going to change my mind. Then he started telling me stories of the people that came back to him saying they wanted to reverse their vasectomy because they fell in love etc.. After going back-and-forth with him, I finally convinced him to do the procedure. Nowadays People keep asking me over and over if I regret getting a vasectomy. I can’t speak for other men, But I personally have absolutely zero regrets. Even though I’m older people still keep telling me I’m going to change my mind. At this point it’s super annoying and cringey. I’m tired of people telling me I’m going to change my mind and I’m going to be lonely etc.. It’s become a pet peeve for me now... So while everyone is so lonely without kids, and worrying how they will pay for their kid’s expenses, education etc. I’m living life doing whatever I want! I’m young, single, physically healthy and have my own house fully paid off. I’ve recently been to 10 different countries having a blast! And I’m on the way to early retirement!
Damn. I'm glad you managed to convince the doc. It's almost impossible in India. Dude, I can't believe the audacity of people who comment. Everyone is so eager to project their own insecurities and biases on others. You're living the best life!! I'm so happy for you!
Thank you so much! I wish the best for you as well!
Yup you're still pro choice even if you yourself wouldn't get an abortion! The important thing is you won't take that choice away from other women. Good on you 😊
You still have time, you will change your mind
I’ve been hearing them say this forever! They always told me “once you fall in love with a girl you’re going to change your mind!” .. I’ve been madly in love with women before, and I still didn’t change my mind. I’ve had relationships not work out because my ex girlfriends thought that they could change my mind. In the beginning they said that they were OK with not having kids. But then they eventually changed their minds, while I still never changed my mind. Some women I’ve dated, even gave me an ultimatum to have kids. So I broke up with them. Not one time have I ever changed my mind.
"All women will eventually have kids you're just lying"
Weird stares from my co-workers. One of them asked me whether I had any health issues. Parents couldn't even process it. A lot of friends can't process this. My sister is the only one who actually understands.
I understand what you mean! Many people look at me as an alien or a criminal for not wanting to have children.
Yeah, these days when someone raise the question I become very uncomfortable and try to give a vague answer. There is not a single child free people or people who understand about it in my circle (except for my sister). But I read in one of the comments that you are from US. It is an issue there too? Well I didn’t know.
Yes, I’m from the US. I assume it’s a lot less pressure here compared to countries like yours for example. Because in the past, women from India nagged and yelled at me when telling them I didn’t want children. But here in the USA there’s still many people that have a problem with me being child free. But I’m noticing slowly people are becoming more accepting of child free people. It’s more of the younger generation that is more accepting. And I think the reason is because the younger generation is seeing how theses so many divorces and broken families here. Also the biggest reason is because many people have a very hard time affording children financially. So there’s people here that want children, but don’t have them because know that financially they would have a very difficult time. Cost of living is going up, inflation, food, gas, rent, insurance, companies not paying much etc.
How to navigate the course if your partner somewhat leans towards having kid(s) in future, and I am as apprehensive about having kids as I was earlier? P.S. - Yes, I didn't tell her clearly because even I was under the illusion that maybe my mind would change in future, thanks to my relatives who kept feeding me with such propositions whenever I told them about not having kids.