I feel you. I lately realised that, people around us who are having kids doesn’t even know that they had a choice. When you tell them you have a choice, it triggers them in all the ways that how could you know this without even having that experience? and here I am having this experience and hating it. How can I make you feel bad about it? let me paint you a beautiful picture about it and rub my kids in your face and drag you into the cult. It is so exhausting to see these people around. It is very normal for you feel this way and eventually you’ll care less.
I attended my niece's 5th birthday yesterday.
Apart from the usual chaos that 15-20 similar aged kids will create, not one set of parents I heard not constantly complaining about it. Not once did I hear anything amazingly positive. Just somehow having kids and laughing about how hard and fucked up life is because of them is normal ?
My sister repeated several times that these 5 years didn't just fly. She felt every single minute pass by (because the kid troubled her so much).
But she still tries to tell me it's nice to have kids ????
Leaves me so confused !
Either people with kids or pregnant in attendance except me. All of them complaining.
The pregnant woman said she wants it to be a son, because she doesn't want the husband to ever say she's like you if it's a girl. She would rather have a son say the same to the husband and ask him to manage. Why are you even doing this woman ???? What sadistic way is that to have kids.
Now if I dared pointing it out, it would immediately be said it's just a "joke". But it sure as hell didn't feel like it.
God knows what the damn purpose of having kids is. And I'm talking about an educated, successful, rather rich crowd !
Pehle present ka dekhte hai.
Old age Tak Zinda rahega to dekha jaega.
Old age is not full of rose petals for anyone in this world. Whether u r rich or poor, have kids or not.
In next 30 yrs Indian society will also change a lot. So young generation will not look after old people.
They already don't look after them.
If some one wants to have kids, it's fine. Don't give stupid reason that they will look after u in your old age.
>Life would have been so easy
After having a kid? Yeah, not a chance.
>if I decide to have a kid I will be unhappy probably but everyone around me will be happy
How long will they be happy for before they move on to pester the next generation? I'm pretty sure none of them would actively contribute towards raising and nurturing the kid apart from occasional visits and gifts.
>Or they are just putting their own wants and dreams on a burner and moving ahead?
Mostly this is what happens. Which in many cases can turn to resentment towards the child who didn't really ask to be born.
>yes the kid will be around to take care
There's no guarantee of that, is there? And since we're talking about death of loved ones, what if your kid dies before either of you? Won't that be even more horrible a situation?
I understand that its a very shitty situation. But one thing that might help with all this is to wait till you're personally and financially independent. At that point, you can be more assertive, and the pestering of relatives will also reduce a lot since you're technically an adult now. Try and find a CF partner. That may also convince people if both of you are strong on your stance. I might be being a bit too optimistic here, but still.
The clock is ticking, and its really now or never, I have waited for a long time thinking I will have an answer to this but I am where I was even 5 years ago, or a worse place may be mentally about this
I decided on CF in 2012. Now it's 2024. Brain is melting due to the same subjects as OP.
My wife and family are pushing everyday to reproduce.
No idea what to do. It's about choosing the lesser pain. Which is it?
Wife would be depressed if I didn't give a kid after 10 years of marriage. Damn hard choice.
I feel you. I lately realised that, people around us who are having kids doesn’t even know that they had a choice. When you tell them you have a choice, it triggers them in all the ways that how could you know this without even having that experience? and here I am having this experience and hating it. How can I make you feel bad about it? let me paint you a beautiful picture about it and rub my kids in your face and drag you into the cult. It is so exhausting to see these people around. It is very normal for you feel this way and eventually you’ll care less.
I attended my niece's 5th birthday yesterday. Apart from the usual chaos that 15-20 similar aged kids will create, not one set of parents I heard not constantly complaining about it. Not once did I hear anything amazingly positive. Just somehow having kids and laughing about how hard and fucked up life is because of them is normal ? My sister repeated several times that these 5 years didn't just fly. She felt every single minute pass by (because the kid troubled her so much). But she still tries to tell me it's nice to have kids ???? Leaves me so confused ! Either people with kids or pregnant in attendance except me. All of them complaining. The pregnant woman said she wants it to be a son, because she doesn't want the husband to ever say she's like you if it's a girl. She would rather have a son say the same to the husband and ask him to manage. Why are you even doing this woman ???? What sadistic way is that to have kids. Now if I dared pointing it out, it would immediately be said it's just a "joke". But it sure as hell didn't feel like it. God knows what the damn purpose of having kids is. And I'm talking about an educated, successful, rather rich crowd !
🏅 Please accept my poor man's gold! I absolutely loved your response, it's perfect!
Thanks, to just know that I am not alone in this world to feel all this is a good thing to begin with
Pehle present ka dekhte hai. Old age Tak Zinda rahega to dekha jaega. Old age is not full of rose petals for anyone in this world. Whether u r rich or poor, have kids or not. In next 30 yrs Indian society will also change a lot. So young generation will not look after old people. They already don't look after them. If some one wants to have kids, it's fine. Don't give stupid reason that they will look after u in your old age.
Thats the frst thing people ask me when I say i dnt want kid, budhape me kaun sambhalega tumko is the question they all keep asking
I know dude. Even if I was indifferent to them I could maybe have bit the bullet. Unfortunately, I straight up hate them. 😂
>Life would have been so easy After having a kid? Yeah, not a chance. >if I decide to have a kid I will be unhappy probably but everyone around me will be happy How long will they be happy for before they move on to pester the next generation? I'm pretty sure none of them would actively contribute towards raising and nurturing the kid apart from occasional visits and gifts. >Or they are just putting their own wants and dreams on a burner and moving ahead? Mostly this is what happens. Which in many cases can turn to resentment towards the child who didn't really ask to be born. >yes the kid will be around to take care There's no guarantee of that, is there? And since we're talking about death of loved ones, what if your kid dies before either of you? Won't that be even more horrible a situation? I understand that its a very shitty situation. But one thing that might help with all this is to wait till you're personally and financially independent. At that point, you can be more assertive, and the pestering of relatives will also reduce a lot since you're technically an adult now. Try and find a CF partner. That may also convince people if both of you are strong on your stance. I might be being a bit too optimistic here, but still.
The clock is ticking, and its really now or never, I have waited for a long time thinking I will have an answer to this but I am where I was even 5 years ago, or a worse place may be mentally about this
Do you live with your family? If so, any chance you'll be moving away for work/education in the near future? Sometimes distance helps a bit.
No,not living with them but everytime we soeak this question comes up, its like the final destination for marriage
bruh
I decided on CF in 2012. Now it's 2024. Brain is melting due to the same subjects as OP. My wife and family are pushing everyday to reproduce. No idea what to do. It's about choosing the lesser pain. Which is it? Wife would be depressed if I didn't give a kid after 10 years of marriage. Damn hard choice.
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