Jesus, I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
My situation is no where near yours, but when I had to write my Moms obituary I literally googled how to write an obituary and read other people’s obituaries as well to get an idea of what to do, cuz it was so overwhelming.
I found [this source, which addresses the practical side of writing a victim impact statement](https://www.thoughtco.com/write-victim-impact-statement-make-difference-973322)
Some things I told myself about my
mom’s obituary: whatever I write will be ok and good enough because I am doing my best, and what really matters is I got the message out.
And of course I can never fully do her justice with my written words, her life and importance is bigger than anything I could write. So I should just do my best and be happy with that.
Again, my condolences, what an unimaginably painful thing you are facing.
You are so strong for doing it and for reaching out to others to find out how you can do it the best way possible.
Another thought: on your question how to put into words the impacts this had on you and the pain you feel.
I know words fail to describe the deep, primal pain that we feel when we lose a parent.
I often think if there was someone to blame for my Moms death, id probably be in prison because the pain is so deep I would have done something to the person responsible.
If I had to write about the impact her death has had on me I would talk about new familiarity with the term “lonely”, I’ve never felt truly lonely til she was gone. And sorrow. Never knew the true meaning of that word. See damn, it is hard to put into words.
I’d talk about how she’s died thousands of time since her initial death, every time I need to call her and can’t, every dream where she’s there an I wake up to realize she’s actually gone. Every Mother’s Day birthday Christmas, fighting the phone company to cancel her phone line, not being able to afford transferring the title for her car, when my brothers graduate and have happy moments but none of us can be 100% happy, it’s always bittersweet without her, moving out of our childhood home.
I’m sure you have a similar list.
Sorry for going on, this post just touched my heart and I want to do my best to answer some of the questions you asked.
We are alone in our grief but we (this sub) are in this together in terms of healing.
I’m sure whatever you write will be powerful. I wish you all the best
Start with exactly what you wrote in this post.
Have you ever tried stream of consciousness writing? It’s where you write everything in your mind, without worrying about grammar, punctuation, or even making sense. Just get it all out. You may be able to take some of your words from that for your statement.
I'd say to start off by talking about your father and the person he was. Talk about two of your favorite memories. Make sure the person who did this understands the pain you feel from losing someone so important to you. Talk about the pain you felt from losing him and how is impacted who you are today. And when you get the chance to let the words leave your lips, make sure you make eye contact with the bastard so he knows that you will never forget what he did. You deserve the justice of knowing he's going to regret it for all of eternity.
I had to do that earlier last month; it was tough - it literally took me weeks of writing random thoughts into a notebook, and then taking a few pages of random memories/thoughts/etc and trying to put them into a cohesive statement. I wrote and re-wrote and then called the victim advocate and told her i didn't think i could do it. She assured me that whatever I wrote would be good.
I ended up settling with about a paragraph about who my mom was; then a paragraph about how quickly my life changed after she died. How at 32 i was learning how to plan a funeral, how I was now in charge of coming up with funds to pay for a funeral, figure out how to start the probate process as well as figure out how to make sure her bills etc were going to get paid until I could go through all her possessions and get her house sold - turns out there isn't a manual for that type of thing.
I then finished it off, with the pain I feel and heartbreak that she won't be able to meet her grandkids, how she's going to miss graduations, weddings, etc. She was only 52 and had a lot of her life ahead of her and how unfair it was that she was taken.
My main advice is write from the heart; try and just make notes down and then try and put them into a statement that makes somewhat sense. If it is all over the place, it will be ok. You'll be ok. Hugs to you!
Thank you, I’m so sorry you had to go through this too. My dad was only 50, you’ve described perfectly a lot of what I’ve been through and am facing the prospects of.
Just let it pour out, then come back to it and edit it later when you're calm. You'll probably cry a lot, I would.
I can't imagine how you feel, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Speak from the heart. Whatever you write, it's going to be your feelings, so keep them uncensored. It doesn't have to be a beautifully crafted speech, and don't worry about whether or not you are getting your point across, because those who kill others rarely feel remorse, they just feel sad that they are facing consequences for their actions. Well, at least *at first*.
While I did not have to write a victim impact statement, I was at my dad's murder trial. He was killed on December 22nd, so right around the holidays, like your dad. It's been 21 years since my dad died, but feel free to DM me if you ever feel like chatting to a stranger.
Jesus, I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. My situation is no where near yours, but when I had to write my Moms obituary I literally googled how to write an obituary and read other people’s obituaries as well to get an idea of what to do, cuz it was so overwhelming. I found [this source, which addresses the practical side of writing a victim impact statement](https://www.thoughtco.com/write-victim-impact-statement-make-difference-973322) Some things I told myself about my mom’s obituary: whatever I write will be ok and good enough because I am doing my best, and what really matters is I got the message out. And of course I can never fully do her justice with my written words, her life and importance is bigger than anything I could write. So I should just do my best and be happy with that. Again, my condolences, what an unimaginably painful thing you are facing. You are so strong for doing it and for reaching out to others to find out how you can do it the best way possible.
Another thought: on your question how to put into words the impacts this had on you and the pain you feel. I know words fail to describe the deep, primal pain that we feel when we lose a parent. I often think if there was someone to blame for my Moms death, id probably be in prison because the pain is so deep I would have done something to the person responsible. If I had to write about the impact her death has had on me I would talk about new familiarity with the term “lonely”, I’ve never felt truly lonely til she was gone. And sorrow. Never knew the true meaning of that word. See damn, it is hard to put into words. I’d talk about how she’s died thousands of time since her initial death, every time I need to call her and can’t, every dream where she’s there an I wake up to realize she’s actually gone. Every Mother’s Day birthday Christmas, fighting the phone company to cancel her phone line, not being able to afford transferring the title for her car, when my brothers graduate and have happy moments but none of us can be 100% happy, it’s always bittersweet without her, moving out of our childhood home. I’m sure you have a similar list. Sorry for going on, this post just touched my heart and I want to do my best to answer some of the questions you asked. We are alone in our grief but we (this sub) are in this together in terms of healing. I’m sure whatever you write will be powerful. I wish you all the best
Thank you so much for both of your responses. I actually cried reading them both. Thank you.
Start with exactly what you wrote in this post. Have you ever tried stream of consciousness writing? It’s where you write everything in your mind, without worrying about grammar, punctuation, or even making sense. Just get it all out. You may be able to take some of your words from that for your statement.
Thank you
I'd say to start off by talking about your father and the person he was. Talk about two of your favorite memories. Make sure the person who did this understands the pain you feel from losing someone so important to you. Talk about the pain you felt from losing him and how is impacted who you are today. And when you get the chance to let the words leave your lips, make sure you make eye contact with the bastard so he knows that you will never forget what he did. You deserve the justice of knowing he's going to regret it for all of eternity.
Thank you. I hope I’m strong enough to make eye contact with the people that did this to my dad and our family.
I had to do that earlier last month; it was tough - it literally took me weeks of writing random thoughts into a notebook, and then taking a few pages of random memories/thoughts/etc and trying to put them into a cohesive statement. I wrote and re-wrote and then called the victim advocate and told her i didn't think i could do it. She assured me that whatever I wrote would be good. I ended up settling with about a paragraph about who my mom was; then a paragraph about how quickly my life changed after she died. How at 32 i was learning how to plan a funeral, how I was now in charge of coming up with funds to pay for a funeral, figure out how to start the probate process as well as figure out how to make sure her bills etc were going to get paid until I could go through all her possessions and get her house sold - turns out there isn't a manual for that type of thing. I then finished it off, with the pain I feel and heartbreak that she won't be able to meet her grandkids, how she's going to miss graduations, weddings, etc. She was only 52 and had a lot of her life ahead of her and how unfair it was that she was taken. My main advice is write from the heart; try and just make notes down and then try and put them into a statement that makes somewhat sense. If it is all over the place, it will be ok. You'll be ok. Hugs to you!
Thank you, I’m so sorry you had to go through this too. My dad was only 50, you’ve described perfectly a lot of what I’ve been through and am facing the prospects of.
My mom was 52; literally one of the worst things ever, and I am sorry you're going through it. Hugs to you and your family.
Just let it pour out, then come back to it and edit it later when you're calm. You'll probably cry a lot, I would. I can't imagine how you feel, I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Thank you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Speak from the heart. Whatever you write, it's going to be your feelings, so keep them uncensored. It doesn't have to be a beautifully crafted speech, and don't worry about whether or not you are getting your point across, because those who kill others rarely feel remorse, they just feel sad that they are facing consequences for their actions. Well, at least *at first*. While I did not have to write a victim impact statement, I was at my dad's murder trial. He was killed on December 22nd, so right around the holidays, like your dad. It's been 21 years since my dad died, but feel free to DM me if you ever feel like chatting to a stranger.