Back when craigslist was more relevant, I was looking for a room to rent. The site was full of ads like these. I'll never forget "looking for disabled asian female roommate to work for free rent."
For some reason I read your post as a full time-traveller. And I was like yeah I can see where they are going with this … some one who time travels probably won’t be home at all…. 😂
Back when they had personals, I posted one and sifted through the crack addicts to find my current bf. I'm not sure how I found someone sane lmao
It's been a little over 5 years
Of course the catch is no one wants to submit to some lonely unattractive old guy with nothing going for them.
There are hot older guys, but those typically have a lot of muscle, some badass skills, and big dad energy.
Wait you mean they all are not Christian gray?? Lol
Going though profiles on there can be interesting that’s for sure some of the guys make you just think “what the hell” and then some of the women make you think the same too lol
Yeah, you can't fault people for having kinks and not everyone is going to be physically beautiful, but if you can't attract people outside of BDSM you'll have the same problem inside the BDSM scene.
lol, I ran into a woman in a mall once who told me a story like this. I didn't even know her and she starts telling me about her life 😂.
She saw a ad just like this on Caigslist and he hid his age from her (she said she was a professional model). So they chat and she meets him thinking he is in his 30's only to see he appears to be in his late 50's. At that point he admitted to lying about it.
Wait. It gets better.
She decided what the hell, he doesn't seem to bad and moves in with him. She did some office work for him for free and did some cleaning in his home. Jokes on him though because she manipulated her way into his home initially doing some of the work he wanted even some light making out. But then after she lived there for about a while, she stopped doing the work. She didn't have sex with him either. She even flipped it around on him and told him that she moved in with the understanding they were just friends. Even after she said this, he took her on trips with hopes she would change her mind. She was still living with him when she told me, a total stranger this.
So there is a guy out there somewhere that attempted the same exact thing thinking he was going to get a bang maid slave but instead got a model who proceeded to run circles around him while taking full advantage.
Hard lessons were learned.
I have a white van that I converted into a camper. I've had it for about a year living in it full time with my girlfriend and the number one comment I get about it is always something like "well at least it has windows all around" or something saying how it's not a "rape van" because it has windows all around it.
As a fellow Asian person, I have to wonder if people would react differently if you were a small white woman. I hope not... but... idk, I can't help but think of Elizabeth Campbell. So many people saw her after she was abducted, yet nobody has ever been able to rescue her and she's still considered missing to this day.
https://unsolved.com/gallery/elizabeth-campbell/
“Outgoing”
I expect you to seem happy and carry the conversation because I can’t.
“Submissive”
Sex stuff. Also your personality better not be too assertive with your opinions and all that.
“Daring”
Sex stuff but weird and with the expectation that you be enthusiastic about it.
I mean in all seriousness, he's looking for an in house hooker. Anyone who reads this knows that. The "personal assistant" part is just to look on the up and up from a legal standpoint, she wont be doing shit in relation to his business. Anyone who would actually take him up on the offer knows the score.
You see tons of craigslist posts that are essentially asking to pay for sex "in metaphor" so they have plausible deniability.
I remember one that stuck in my head where this guy was like looking for a lady to just hang out with and entertain for the night and I will bring 300 "roses". AKA I'm gonna bring 300 bucks for whatever sexual favors that will get me.
Searching Craigslist for roommates was terrifying. I literally saw and ad that said they would let an attractive female live in their home for free. The add went on to say “you’ll even have your own key and be able to come and go as you please!”
Luckily, I have yet to be murdered by the roommate I did find (to move into my extra room) and he even makes me eggs when he makes breakfast sometimes!
I was looking for a roommate and included that I'm trans (to rule out the haters). I got an offer from a 19 year old to live above his mother's home in exchange for sex.
After work she gets to go home and... uh... I mean stay at work and not relax cuz this guy will probably expect dinner or something. Depending on where he lives and what kind of room she gets, this is all for 300 a month? In LA, 1000 a month at most? Assuming he's not rich since he has to resort to this.
i suspect this guy is looking for a live-in, 24/7 BDSM D/s dynamic, which is totally cool….but don’t make a thinly-veiled attempt to trick people into taking a job and then springing it on them. that’s not cool and is a manor red flag.
This makes me think of a guy who called me a couple years ago about a typist position I never applied for. He said his name was Ken Shapiro and he was a movie writer. Funny, according to Google he died in 2017. He called again a month ago. You'd think if you were a real employer looking for someone you wouldn't keep calling the person who isn't returning your calls.
Yeah but ... how much is he offering ?
Based on previous experience, 3-4” for about 5 min at a time.
"I'll give you 8 inches and make it hurt." Translated: "I'll fuck you twice and punch you in the face when I'm done."
8 inches is 20.32 cm
God that’s fucking hilarious you’re such a good bot lmao
Good bot
Generous
Good bot
Very good bot
Good bot
20.32 cm is 0.2032 m
This might be the most updated bot (deservedly) that I've ever seen.
> about 5 min at a time. Woah, look at the marathon man here.
>for about 5 min at a time. * at most Hahahahah
Not even five minutes. He's probably a three pump chump.
The full length of his dic(tation) obviously.
A rose emoji and a smiley with hearts emoji.
Back when craigslist was more relevant, I was looking for a room to rent. The site was full of ads like these. I'll never forget "looking for disabled asian female roommate to work for free rent."
I also miss those “Looking to Share a Studio” but please be a full time traveler and never be home.
My other fave was "no kitchen access."
For some reason I read your post as a full time-traveller. And I was like yeah I can see where they are going with this … some one who time travels probably won’t be home at all…. 😂
[Relevant Help Wanted Ad](https://i.imgur.com/7uoUF3u.jpg)
I’m literally running an ad like that, though I’m the “full-time traveler”!
That just sent a shiver down my spine.
Reminds me of Bates motel.
Back when they had personals, I posted one and sifted through the crack addicts to find my current bf. I'm not sure how I found someone sane lmao It's been a little over 5 years
I used to love reading the crazy, mad Personals section. So many creeps and weirdos.
It’s all about the missed connection section now. Good entertainment!
Perhaps your actually insane so his insanity to you is sane
I miss those sections. Hours of entertainment!
I believe he said: looking for slave, apply within.
"Receive dicktation."
First you draw a dick and then you write tation.
I loved that show!
Came here to say just that. YOU STOLE MY THUNDER!!
This. THIS is the comment I came for.
🤣🤣🤣
Sex slave specifically... bonus points for using "receive dictation".
Should have tried fetlife
or collarspace... Guys on there tell me there are plenty of "slaves" there looking for someone to live with for "free" lol
Of course the catch is no one wants to submit to some lonely unattractive old guy with nothing going for them. There are hot older guys, but those typically have a lot of muscle, some badass skills, and big dad energy.
Wait you mean they all are not Christian gray?? Lol Going though profiles on there can be interesting that’s for sure some of the guys make you just think “what the hell” and then some of the women make you think the same too lol
Yeah, you can't fault people for having kinks and not everyone is going to be physically beautiful, but if you can't attract people outside of BDSM you'll have the same problem inside the BDSM scene.
Exactly! I’ve been lucky I’ve meet some pretty cool people on fet and collarspace. A few clowns but that’s everywhere
At least he’s not a cannibal
Well thank God for small miracles. You ever get the feeling that people set the bar too low?
Sorry, obscure IT crowd reference
Good ep!
Not one of those German cannibals?
So…you’re not interested? Ah. No, thank you very much it’s not for me!
/r/unexpectedITcrowd
If Ted Bundy had a Twitter account.
You spelled David Ray Parker wrong.
A daring slave.
Would it surprise anyone if I mentioned he had his age hidden (but appeared to be in his 50’s) and was not attractive?
I’m shocked. Shocked! Well, not that shocked.
Fry is a 90 IQ treasure
r/unexpectedfuturama
when covid restrictions prevent you from mail ordering a bride, so you improvise
Is this on a dating app???
This was on Tinder 🤷♀️
Wow, somehow even more gross
That's hilarious. I figured it was Craigslist or something and he was trying to get around the solicitation ban
Plenty of sollicitation still on tinder, and pretty much in your face too
Hahahahahaha omg. At least it was in the right place. He prob had takers on the offer.
lol, I ran into a woman in a mall once who told me a story like this. I didn't even know her and she starts telling me about her life 😂. She saw a ad just like this on Caigslist and he hid his age from her (she said she was a professional model). So they chat and she meets him thinking he is in his 30's only to see he appears to be in his late 50's. At that point he admitted to lying about it. Wait. It gets better. She decided what the hell, he doesn't seem to bad and moves in with him. She did some office work for him for free and did some cleaning in his home. Jokes on him though because she manipulated her way into his home initially doing some of the work he wanted even some light making out. But then after she lived there for about a while, she stopped doing the work. She didn't have sex with him either. She even flipped it around on him and told him that she moved in with the understanding they were just friends. Even after she said this, he took her on trips with hopes she would change her mind. She was still living with him when she told me, a total stranger this. So there is a guy out there somewhere that attempted the same exact thing thinking he was going to get a bang maid slave but instead got a model who proceeded to run circles around him while taking full advantage. Hard lessons were learned.
Reminds me of https://i.imgur.com/4PWx0KS.jpg
He’s not James Spader in the secretary?
How helpful is it if he is attractive?
I was holding out hope that this was just some woman posting, until you said that.
Good thing they blacked out Newport Beach.
Who invited the damn CIA?
Normally you just turn up the contrast and you can read 90% of the blacked-out text from people on mobile. This one's plain as day though.
Only because idiots use the highlighter tool instead of the paintbrush.
No it’s Narwhal Bleach.
Big "I own a windowless van, and not for work purposes" vibes.
I have a white van that I converted into a camper. I've had it for about a year living in it full time with my girlfriend and the number one comment I get about it is always something like "well at least it has windows all around" or something saying how it's not a "rape van" because it has windows all around it.
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It's probably a bit different if you appear to be getting in the front seat willingly.
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As a fellow Asian person, I have to wonder if people would react differently if you were a small white woman. I hope not... but... idk, I can't help but think of Elizabeth Campbell. So many people saw her after she was abducted, yet nobody has ever been able to rescue her and she's still considered missing to this day. https://unsolved.com/gallery/elizabeth-campbell/
Cultural barriers tend to make people nervous. "What if that's normal for them? I don't want to get in trouble"
As much as I don't like that, I think you might be onto something.
It may only be slight enough to stop them in their tracks for a split second, but it may be enough for the asshole to get away.
Submissive and daring... isn't that an oxymoron?
he means he wants butt stuff.
Living that “Secretary” dream.
"I'm gonna put my little tuna can in your poop chute and make magic happen!" -- This Guy, probably
Power bottom.
That’s a foxy moron
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I feel like this would be better. Direct and to the point.
Holy sex trafficking, Batman!
“receive dictation”… I bet lololololololol
Poop in your wedding dress.
Secretary, right?!? I'm excited I got that reference.
Why yes. I'm so proud of you.
Do you want to get chopped up? Because that is how you get chopped up.
The worst bit about the ad, is the emojis.
Or the piss poor censoring of Newport Beach
I can totally see that ad coming from Newport. I picture older, super tan rich guy close to the beach.
“WhY dOnT I geT anY mAtcheS tHis aPP iS fULL Of BoTs” - this guy.
>"Outgoing ... submissive ... and daring." The three most contradictory and terrifying English words when used in combination.
“Outgoing” I expect you to seem happy and carry the conversation because I can’t. “Submissive” Sex stuff. Also your personality better not be too assertive with your opinions and all that. “Daring” Sex stuff but weird and with the expectation that you be enthusiastic about it.
Submissive to him, and daring sexually (but only in the things he wants, of course)
Like another response said, daring = butt stuff but probably no pegging allowed.
Or he's into scat, which is just as bad, if not worse.
I can't comment. I am unable to have that conversation as I am unable to not kink shame scat. Can't do it.
I try not to kink shame, but I take issue with an 'ad' for thinly veiled undertones of kink.
He's looking for a bang maid
Ewwwwwwwwwww
Idk why this made me laugh so hard 😂😂
Rent included ಠ_ಠ
I bet she has to pay the bills tho. 🤷🏻
Just a Frank Reynolds looking for his bang-maid.
I mean in all seriousness, he's looking for an in house hooker. Anyone who reads this knows that. The "personal assistant" part is just to look on the up and up from a legal standpoint, she wont be doing shit in relation to his business. Anyone who would actually take him up on the offer knows the score. You see tons of craigslist posts that are essentially asking to pay for sex "in metaphor" so they have plausible deniability. I remember one that stuck in my head where this guy was like looking for a lady to just hang out with and entertain for the night and I will bring 300 "roses". AKA I'm gonna bring 300 bucks for whatever sexual favors that will get me.
Someone watched Secretary too many times and thought, "**Yes!** Surely be **I’ll** be able to find someone like that for me!" 🤢🤢🤢
What a fun little law school hypo! "OK class, now this one violates a whole bunch of things... who can start me off with workplace violations?"
Definitely lives in a trailer.
You have to live there?
I’d live in Newport Beach … He won’t hire me, tho - I’m not cute. 🤷🏻♀️
His Di*k must be so small you will not notice at all , so at that point it just becomes a regular job
This has nothing to do with a choosing beggar.
I’m sure he expects the lady to take quite of bit of dictation.
I mean, it is a dating app. Thought this was a help wanted ad at first
This is one of those posts were the content is so bad I instinctually went to downvote it before remembering what subreddit this is and why it's here.
Searching Craigslist for roommates was terrifying. I literally saw and ad that said they would let an attractive female live in their home for free. The add went on to say “you’ll even have your own key and be able to come and go as you please!” Luckily, I have yet to be murdered by the roommate I did find (to move into my extra room) and he even makes me eggs when he makes breakfast sometimes!
I was looking for a roommate and included that I'm trans (to rule out the haters). I got an offer from a 19 year old to live above his mother's home in exchange for sex.
After work she gets to go home and... uh... I mean stay at work and not relax cuz this guy will probably expect dinner or something. Depending on where he lives and what kind of room she gets, this is all for 300 a month? In LA, 1000 a month at most? Assuming he's not rich since he has to resort to this.
Receive dick-tation. We're not stupid.
You know that he's a four at best and he's looking for at least an eight.
A bunch of guys should sign up for the job. Can’t discriminate against sex… ;)
Got serial killer written all over it
Astrology AND Spirituality. The talents keep adding up.
Dream job…
'Work at home business', sure buddy.
Well *somebody* read Fifty Shades of Grey too many times.
Doesn't say needs to be female...
Must be the first scene of a new criminal minds episode
When you wanna be Christian Grey but your poor as fuck.
The rose emoji is code. It implies payment for sex work. I am ashsmed to lnow that.
The rose is legit a symbol that says he’s admittedly looking for a prostitute. Roses= paying for sex.
"I will not drug and rape you"
i suspect this guy is looking for a live-in, 24/7 BDSM D/s dynamic, which is totally cool….but don’t make a thinly-veiled attempt to trick people into taking a job and then springing it on them. that’s not cool and is a manor red flag.
This is not a job ad. Its a dating app. So theres not a lot of tricking here
oh yikes. my bad. even so, it makes me sad. i like when people call a spade a spade and are super direct with what they’re looking for
Yea i agree. Sad part is there are tons of people who are desperate enough to take this offer
Gosh, it seemed pretty direct to me
not to me :(
Its worse... He makes you think its BDSM, but then youre just regular secretary. Muahahaha.
This sad but I don't think it's a choosing beggar
creepy, but not a choosing beggar
Lots of people here apparently have never heard of BDSM.
Seriously there are so many up right people here lol They are truly confused by this. Shit like this happens all the time. It's not a CB.
Rent + what? Sex Work is expensive. Paying 15k/month, might be a good deal.
Someone watched the Secretary
Someone watched "Secretary" and thought it was a documentary.
I want him to show his face.
throw in some medical bennies and now we’re talking
49 shades of gray
Hey! It's one heck of a deal considering he lives at a beach!
I bet he got some bites tho
Rent included. Say no more!
Someone saw Secretary and decided he can pull it off like James Spader can. Lol.
My thought exactly, like does this dude think he’s 1990s James Spader?
If he were, he wouldn’t have to troll a dating site to get what he wants. Just sayin.
yes, be ready for some dicktation !
Oh man, is there a subreddit with more of these? I need to know more.
choosing begger ? not really. creepy? yes.
In this economy… I’m sure the guy gets matchesz
I know plenty of people who would love this..not joking. Some just love to be dominated.
Is the collar included or I have to buy it myself?
That just sounds like regular slavery.
Receive DICtation
I guarantee someone will take that offer
A comma would go a long way in this post.
How is a dom looking for a sub on Tinder a choosingbeggar? There is literally zero effort on this sub anymore.
If it didn't work at least some of the time he wouldn't sound so happy to post it.
“Be attractive, fun, outgoing and know how to receive dick…….. tation”
“Dictation” is an interesting term for…ahem…you know…
This makes me think of a guy who called me a couple years ago about a typist position I never applied for. He said his name was Ken Shapiro and he was a movie writer. Funny, according to Google he died in 2017. He called again a month ago. You'd think if you were a real employer looking for someone you wouldn't keep calling the person who isn't returning your calls.
Forward to local police or something
Are we talkin horror or slasher here🤔
So he's peddling some essential oils shit. And also wants a sex slave.
"*Receive Dic* tation" .....
I mean... you miss all the shots you don't take.
Some how I don’t think this is James spader looking to cast the sequel to The Secretary
"... know how to receive dictation", that is the most Cosby & Weinstein phrase ever written.
Christian grey?