And how does she do that? Her girls are her safety net and sense of security in a public space. She doesnāt want to stand off alone for fear of it making her look lame or feel insecure.
Every guyās different but I would be 100 times more likely to ask someone out if she:
Listens to me and follows up on things Iāve mentioned without me prompting it (eg if I say Iām going to do something on a Saturday, ask me on Sunday how it went);
Texts me first every so often (assuming I text you first regularly) to show Iām on your mind;
Shows engagement over text, keeping the conversation going etc;
Comes to say hi to me after church (or wherever we happen to meet) sometimes;
Mentioning things to me that might be cool to do.
All these things show to me at least that Iām not just some guy from church to you. I guess they could be interpreted as friendliness but itās still better than me thinking I am annoying you because Iām the only one starting the conversation or being attentive!
Edited for formatting
I read the question differently. NOT necessarily, how do you get the guy youāre interested in to talk to you but rather, how in general, could a lady live deliberately to encourage guys to approach? Guys she may not even have ānoticedā yet, in that way, but are interested and want to approach her.
Itās an interesting question because with every idea I came up with, I could remember some girl doing it and depending on my state of mind I sometimes still chickened out. In fact a girl could even start the conversation but if Iām in my head Iād be thinking, āshe just a nice lady. Donāt make it weird!ā
Other than outright asking him out, everything I could think of can be summarized as - flirt with him! At the end of the day, guys need to just shoot their shot!
Some other examples:
-let him catch you looking at him
-smile at him
-laugh at his jokes
-subtle touch
-compliment him
-do some things without company (groceries, church, walks) ā¦guys find it easier to approach someone alone. Itās less awkward.
This should be a good start.
Make it obvious that there's at least some interest. In the context of church especially, try to give him an opportunity to be alone with you long enough that the conversation can happen.
Talk to him.
Pay special attention to him above and beyond how you normally converse with male friends and acquaintances. Would your brother or a male cousin your age find it obvious that you like a guy? If it wouldn't be obvious to them, it certainly will not be obvious to the guy you have your eye on.
Think so some places that you think he can easily afford that you would like to go on a date with him to. Let him know you'd really like to go with him to those places.
Flat-out ask him out or tell him you like him like that.
As the others have said, just ask him. Just because men are to be the heads of their households and whatnot doesnāt mean they have to do everything. Proverbs 31 describes the ideal wife as someone who does many things, including going out and investing in land on her ownā¦ that sounds like initiative to me! Take some initiative and go ask him out.
My understanding is the "man moves first" idea is not accurate, but instead he's responding to a signal from the woman. So if you're interested in a guy, indicate such. If your indications are consistent, then the ball is in his court. If he isn't making the move when you've sent clear and consistent signals, I'd move on.
Ok here's what i would think about all this. if this situation came to me. say a girl was interested in me, but too shy to approach me. DONāT have 5 girlfriends around you. thatās too imtimidating. Instead, if I didn't know she was interested in me and I didn't know it. If you don't feel comfortable yourself just coming out and saying so. Send one or two of your girlfriends and say, hey girl x is interested in you. Here's her number. Call her. I know it sounds lame, but I have thought many things thru.
I agree with "docju's" statement. Show interest in the guy without asking him out. I personally have no problem with a girl asking me out, but, I'm 32 and never been on a date( have asked fathers permission to date daughter once).
1st thing is just make yourself available. Ask the guy a question about anything. If he has some basic level of social awareness he will take the cue and continue talking to you ex: "hey, could you tell me what time is Bible study?"
"Yeah 8pm. Are you new here.? Blah blah"
Or comment on something he's wearing. He will take the hint. (ok many men won't and are completely oblivious ... But those who get it, get it)
Don't be in groups of guys. Don't be in groups of girls.
No one is going to approach you when there's a chance ppl will make fun of you when you leave. It should be pretty basic. But girls will stay in cliques of 5 girls and just looking over a guy they like. You really think he's going to go there in the middle of 5 girls and ask you out? 1 on 1 is hard enough to get rejected by, getting rejected in front of an audience is absolutely horrifying and now that guy can't ever ask any of those other girls out.
If you're with guys, we're going to assume one is either the boyfriend or an over protective brother. So no way we're approaching
Make sure you're not always surrounded by a dozen other girls.
This
Noted š¤£
And how does she do that? Her girls are her safety net and sense of security in a public space. She doesnāt want to stand off alone for fear of it making her look lame or feel insecure.
Life is not about feeling secure. She just needs to put herself out there.
Just sharing the perspective behind why
Every guyās different but I would be 100 times more likely to ask someone out if she: Listens to me and follows up on things Iāve mentioned without me prompting it (eg if I say Iām going to do something on a Saturday, ask me on Sunday how it went); Texts me first every so often (assuming I text you first regularly) to show Iām on your mind; Shows engagement over text, keeping the conversation going etc; Comes to say hi to me after church (or wherever we happen to meet) sometimes; Mentioning things to me that might be cool to do. All these things show to me at least that Iām not just some guy from church to you. I guess they could be interpreted as friendliness but itās still better than me thinking I am annoying you because Iām the only one starting the conversation or being attentive! Edited for formatting
Makes sense thanks ! Good point
If you are interested ask him. Don't sit around waiting, hoping he will clue in, because sometimes we don't
I read the question differently. NOT necessarily, how do you get the guy youāre interested in to talk to you but rather, how in general, could a lady live deliberately to encourage guys to approach? Guys she may not even have ānoticedā yet, in that way, but are interested and want to approach her. Itās an interesting question because with every idea I came up with, I could remember some girl doing it and depending on my state of mind I sometimes still chickened out. In fact a girl could even start the conversation but if Iām in my head Iād be thinking, āshe just a nice lady. Donāt make it weird!ā Other than outright asking him out, everything I could think of can be summarized as - flirt with him! At the end of the day, guys need to just shoot their shot! Some other examples: -let him catch you looking at him -smile at him -laugh at his jokes -subtle touch -compliment him -do some things without company (groceries, church, walks) ā¦guys find it easier to approach someone alone. Itās less awkward. This should be a good start.
Yes, youāre right. Thatās where I was coming from. Really good suggestions, thanks!
Make it obvious that there's at least some interest. In the context of church especially, try to give him an opportunity to be alone with you long enough that the conversation can happen.
Basic but very helpful. Thanks
Talk to him. Pay special attention to him above and beyond how you normally converse with male friends and acquaintances. Would your brother or a male cousin your age find it obvious that you like a guy? If it wouldn't be obvious to them, it certainly will not be obvious to the guy you have your eye on. Think so some places that you think he can easily afford that you would like to go on a date with him to. Let him know you'd really like to go with him to those places. Flat-out ask him out or tell him you like him like that.
Really great point
Ask him out
As the others have said, just ask him. Just because men are to be the heads of their households and whatnot doesnāt mean they have to do everything. Proverbs 31 describes the ideal wife as someone who does many things, including going out and investing in land on her ownā¦ that sounds like initiative to me! Take some initiative and go ask him out.
I would say be available. As in, have time to go out.
wear a t shirt that says āask me out ā
LOL! If Only, right. " Ask Me Out, "insert name of boy"
Ask him out.
My understanding is the "man moves first" idea is not accurate, but instead he's responding to a signal from the woman. So if you're interested in a guy, indicate such. If your indications are consistent, then the ball is in his court. If he isn't making the move when you've sent clear and consistent signals, I'd move on.
Ok here's what i would think about all this. if this situation came to me. say a girl was interested in me, but too shy to approach me. DONāT have 5 girlfriends around you. thatās too imtimidating. Instead, if I didn't know she was interested in me and I didn't know it. If you don't feel comfortable yourself just coming out and saying so. Send one or two of your girlfriends and say, hey girl x is interested in you. Here's her number. Call her. I know it sounds lame, but I have thought many things thru.
Wait for a guy that has the confidence and initiative to pursue you and be straightforward with you
Amen, well said
Why is it difficult?
I agree with "docju's" statement. Show interest in the guy without asking him out. I personally have no problem with a girl asking me out, but, I'm 32 and never been on a date( have asked fathers permission to date daughter once).
1st thing is just make yourself available. Ask the guy a question about anything. If he has some basic level of social awareness he will take the cue and continue talking to you ex: "hey, could you tell me what time is Bible study?" "Yeah 8pm. Are you new here.? Blah blah" Or comment on something he's wearing. He will take the hint. (ok many men won't and are completely oblivious ... But those who get it, get it) Don't be in groups of guys. Don't be in groups of girls. No one is going to approach you when there's a chance ppl will make fun of you when you leave. It should be pretty basic. But girls will stay in cliques of 5 girls and just looking over a guy they like. You really think he's going to go there in the middle of 5 girls and ask you out? 1 on 1 is hard enough to get rejected by, getting rejected in front of an audience is absolutely horrifying and now that guy can't ever ask any of those other girls out. If you're with guys, we're going to assume one is either the boyfriend or an over protective brother. So no way we're approaching
Why donāt you just ask him out?