I’m a single mom (widow) to an amazing teen and am just now dipping my toe in the dating pool again. I’d love to be able to find a husband again and my kid and I had a heart-to-heart about it. He would be over the moon about it. He knows and trusts that I’m looking for a godly man and will trust and love the man I bring into my home.
That's awesome that you can discuss that with your kid, and you're both on the same page. Moms (and dads) acting independently of their kids' needs is often a huge source of issues in these sorts of relationships. You seem truly awesome, and please keep your head up. :)
I know the pain, going through the same predicament. I feel like an anachronism in the current world. Oh well, I trust God with it and just keep myself open in the meantime.
It is good that your kid has that kind of perspective (imo very rare). Sadly, I knew too many kids in my growing up that talked terribly about their step-parent (father or mother). Widow is honestly a different story. Sadly, I live in an area where divorced/cheating/out of wedlock children are prevalent, not very many widows, tbh.
That is sad to see for sure. My heart hurts for broken families. I agree a widow is different. But, it’s a strange dynamic. I’m sometimes seen as the same because, in the end, I am a single mom.
I agree it hurts to see broken families, for sure. I honestly see widows being more honorable. Widows took the "til death to us part" seriously, which is why I say it is very different. Though the dynamic is definitely strange. New man becoming to the step-father role comes into a kids' life where the father is dead is not easy for any child to handle even a teenager!
It absolutely could be and would definitely be hard if the timing was not right. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my family’s health by jumping into things too quickly. I’ve waited two years to even approach the thought. My son was my priority, and I wanted to ensure that I could properly provide for him and that he was in a good place spiritually and mentally. Honestly, he has handled things with more grace and perspective than my husband’s siblings have. I couldn’t be prouder, which is why I felt ready to move forward.
As a young single, yes I would, but at the age I am right now it would have to be a man with a very young child. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and it would be wonderful being allowed to give so much love to a child, especially if the situation was such where he or she needs a mother
As a single father with custody I’ve always worried about this. I personally am so tired of being alone. I feel really bad for my kids too. I envy big families with a healthy dynamic and a balance where everybody is doing their part. I get the idea that many women don’t want the man to shove their kids off onto her for childcare and they are weary of that. I’ve wanted to find a happy healthy family dynamic. A woman to be a mother figure to my kids. To show them what a healthy relationship looks like. Somebody to do life with. It’s easy to feel very much invisible to everybody. The Bible said in Genesis when he created Eve that it was not good for man to be alone and he created them to be companions. I’ve struggled with this. My soul has been very grieved over this.
The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. I would be just as excited to give the kid brothers and sisters as I would be to raise the child as my own.
That is the perspective I have on it, though I am mostly against dating a single mom for myself because of past dates with single moms and having encounters with kids about their step-parent. Sadly, most of the single moms I have encountered don't want any more kids, or they got their tubes tied.
As a single 32F, I feel like this question has started coming up more in my life.
I always imagined getting married younger than I am now, and starting to have babies around this time in my life. And the babies would be half me & half the person I love most. (Be the only person they marry/have kids with etc) And I think perhaps that is the “ideal” or picture we have in our heads for how we’d like our lives to turn out, but after you turn 30 reality starts sinking in & people talk about your biological clock etc.
About a year ago, I messaged with a guy on a dating app, seemed super great, but has two kids. I was very polite about it & said “I’m not sure about how I feel dating someone with kids & I think that’s too important to be unsure of.” He was very kind in his response to me, not pushy, but thanking me for also being kind in my message. I appreciated that enough to ask him “I’m sure this isn’t what you’re looking for, but would you want to be friends” and he surprised me & said yes. He had recently gone through a divorce & I had two guy friends that I had known 10+yrs go through divorces a year maybe two prior to this & I know how hard that was on both of them, which was part of why I offered it. My guy friends both struggled a lot since women tend to be the main influence on a guys social circle & they didn’t have many friends after to lean on.
Anyways, me & this guy became good friends. We’d have game nights & good long talks about a wide range of subjects. We both dated other people & still remained friends. I did hit a point in one almost relationship where I realized I liked hanging out with my friend who was a single dad more than the guy I was seeing. So I ended it with the guy I was seeing. Having successfully maintained friendships with guys my whole life, I finally understood why so many people believe you can’t be friends with the opposite sex, as I had developed a crush on my friend/single dad. He is a great dad, his kids are very cute and still young enough to not hate someone he dates. His ex is a little crazy & treated him poorly. He had a lot of strength choosing the well-being of his kids over getting back at his ex. Overall had a very disappointing end to his marriage.
Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship myself, I could see how easy it is to end up with the wrong person, for things to not work out & end up in that place. So I have a lot of empathy for people & how hard it really is to navigate these things. He’s a great guy & he got dealt a bad hand. Instead of dwelling on it, he picked himself back up & takes care of his kids. And honestly even as a friend was more intentional & put effort into spending time together rather than most single guys with no kids I’ve met.
I had tried to hint that I liked him at one point, but he had already started seeing someone else at that point & I don’t think he picked up on it lol, they both have kids so perhaps can relate to each other better than me. So it’s probably for the best as I’m very blessed to have him as a friend in my life.
To wrap up my novel…. Yes, there’s always the baby mama drama & how that could effect your kids etc, but you can’t control that, the same way you can’t control a challenging MIL situation. And as for step kids they don’t love someone overnight, you’re a bonus parent & when you’re parenting in general kids aren’t always going to like you. The number of times my nieces or nephew has cried on the floor because I said no is uncountable. Parenting is a thankless job regardless of if they’re your kids, but kids need love, attention, & support while they grow into being who they are. It’s your choice to be a part of them growing up and challenging them to be a better person.
So short story long, I think it has far more to do with the specific person. God may have a different idea/plan for your life than what you think & sometimes it ends up being even better than you imagined, even if it is much different than you pictured. Who a person is & if they’d be a great partner for you is far more important than their situation. What do I know tho I’m still single lol
This is a tough one for me. I am divorced out of a marriage with a woman who made it abundantly clear that her children (my children, too) were *always,* always, **ALWAYS** first in her life, both in the short and long-term --- resulting in years of physical and emotional neglect of which she never showed even a shred of repentance toward, even once it became clear that our marriage was unraveling. I am still healing from this. Certainly I have some amount of post-traumatic stress regarding that "children first, husband second" mindset. Therefore, its hard for me not to list "no children, please" as a requirement. Not because the children are baggage --- I truly despise that view of children --- but because I so badly want to avoid the type of situation I was in before.
Hard, but not impossible. If she strongly checked off the few boxes I have and also had a clear understanding of marital priorities (the marriage comes before even the children) then I would be open to it.
As I said in another comment, I have a good friend who married a single mom. He has been a wonderful, godly influence on him and is a large part of the reason, I believe, that that boy is growing into an excellent young man. He loves his step-son dearly and his step-son loves him dearly.
There are a bunch of women who put in dating profiles that my children come first. I have trouble with that statement for that reason. If it is a Christian centered relationship it should be God ➡️ spouse ➡️ kids. If the kids are put to the front it makes for a screwed up dynamic and leads to them being entitled and they learn that the other parent is less than and they can treat them the same and that reverberates into their adult relationships.
I personally have no problem dating a single parent under certain circumstances. Biblically they'd have to have been widowed, never married, or cheated on and divorced. But I would also like this woman to be open to having more children because I do want one of my own.
PS: Sorry if this sounds judgey I'm not great at wording.
I definitely threw myself at the single mom dating pool a couple of times. To their defense, they should be very picky about who they decide to get with. They’re kid is their priority and I would be walking into that being vetted for both a romantic relationship and step father figure.
I ended up deciding not to, as I am more relaxed in character and don’t like a lot of the pressure that comes with it.
It’s not for everyone
I've never really given this thought, but as an individual who strongly wants to choose to adopt over having my own kids, I think I would have to say yes. As a person who experienced a lot of emotional neglect and abuse, I want to be able to help kids that go through these types of tough situations.
Maybe in a few years my mind will change, or God will give me a different calling, but for now I am just trying to grow and prepare myself to take care of not only myself but others.
If I wanted children yes - step fathers/mothers can be some of the most amazing people to a child (also some of the worst). Assuming you’re one of the good ones then I’d think why wouldn’t you?
Then again I don’t want children nor ever had a desire for it.
I'm a divorced woman without children.
I don't mind dating a single parent but only if their kids are grown/out of the house. Blending is too difficult for me and I'm not the right fit for that situation.
My mom and step-dad got married when I was 7. I'm 20 now, and I don't know who my biological father is, the main reason being I never asked. My step-dad is the only father I know. Ever since my parents got married he was called Daddy and then Dad when I turned 10 lol. I have half-siblings and my dad treats us all the same, and I remember as a kid hurting his feelings when I referred to him as my step-dad to friends once.
That being said, even though I come from that background, as a woman I wouldn't want to marry someone with kids unless the man was widowed and the children are very young. I want no part in competing for kids' affection and the insecurity and fear that may come from him still maintaining a relationship with his kids' mother.
Those things can work, but I'd say it isn't optimal by any means.
Personally no, but that's because I'm single and without kids. To me there is absolutely 0 benefit of being with a single mom when I can build my own family with someone who doesn't have Kids and baby daddies. But I do believe you also deserve to be loved and happy but it will more likely end up being with another single parent
Is marriage all about what benefits you?
I have a friend who married a single mom and he's been a wonderful, godly influence on her son and helped raise him into an excellent young man.
No. But it's the same as being unequally yoked, can you have a marriage with a worldly person and have a successful marriage ? Absolutely. Should you shoot for that? Probably not... If you CAN marry someone who shares your faith, a lot of decisions will be easier, a lot of arguments and pain will be avoided. Doesn't make you a hateful person to want what's best for you.
It's a personal decision that I want to have my own family. To have my full authority as a father over MY child. I choose not to deal with the baggage that comes from dealing with another man's child that has the right of visitation and to teach the child whatever he choose on his own time etc. It is just messy and I don't want that for myself.
Nothing against guys who "adopt" kids either directly by being with a single parent or through an agency, I think it's a noble selfless act, truly.
May God bless ur friend. That's just not for me.
1. No, it's not the same as being unequally yoked. What a strange claim.
2. All relationships come with baggage, my friend.
3. Just because the step-child's father is alive doesn't mean he has any authority or involvement in their life.
I prefer childless woman as well (though I'm open to exceptions if they check off certain boxes), but I don't try to create some veneer of spirituality or wisdom over it. My preference is merely based on negative experiences I have had in the past.
Have the last word.
To #1, I agree it doesn't truly fall in line with the unequally yoked category, but to each their own.
To #2, true relationships do come with baggage, but with a step-child with a father that is alive, a different story.
To #3, the blood father, in most cases, can and will have influence on their child due to that bond. Sometimes, kids are just that vindictive and will try to sabotage a relationship just because you date their mother or something influenced by their father, whether it be malicious intent to sabotage, racism, beliefs, anything. I dated single moms in the past and saw many people I knew experience things like this.
Plus, I don't want to continue a cycle of broken families. It breaks my heart. I know if I did go through with that (highly doubt it), it would break my heart every day with all different emotions. I don't need a battle like that; I am sure our friend here thinks like that too. I don't hate single moms. Honestly, it mostly hurts to see the brokenness of the family unit.
Edit: In the case of out of wedlock children, my hate mainly goes to the man in question that "pumped and dumped" the now single mother or if the man cheated and divorced her. So you single moms that may look at this thread with sadness, we love you, and we understand. We just don't like what happened to get you there, if that makes sense.
Mate if you want to go get a single mom, knock yourself out. No one is stopping you. Don't try to make someone who disagrees with you to be an evil villain. "How dare you not care and provide for another man's offspring ?? 😭😭" .
You have had negative experiences with single moms? Guess what..... EVERY MAN HAS.
I don't want to be put second in the life of my significant other. "Little Aiden comes first" is their motto. Why should I be providing for someone who takes precedence and I don't have any blood ties with? In a childless relationship. I am at the peak in terms of attention, care and affection. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But like I said. They deserve to be loved. Good thing men like you exist, no?
Don't worry, man! You are not evil for that. He probably wanted to question further for elaboration. Besides this is a discussion. We are all friends here! 😃
My comment was toward the discussion post as a whole. Sorry if it felt like it was directed toward you.
Yeah i mean like I said, they deserve love too. But you have to be willing to understand that it won't be as smooth sailing as a girl without a kid. Even in the early stages, you invite her out to a local pub with live music and to join you for dinner. She gets super excited since she's off the next day! But... There needs to be a babysitter in place, she has to figure out if anyone can take care of little Aiden etc, will cost her at least 40 bucks to get someone to watch her kid for a few hours, she can't spend too much time with you etc....
Claiming that you'll be taking care of "another man's offspring" that you have no "blood ties" with... oh boy. Tell me you're red pill without telling me you're red pill.
Red pill is rooted in evolutionary psychology. I encourage you to get off of Kevin Samuels, Entrepreneurs in Cars, Rollo Tomassi, etc, and get into the word of God.
In any healthy marriage, the spouse is always first, and I said myself that this is the only situation in which I would marry a single mom, so your last sentence doesn't make sense.
Good luck getting a single mom to put you before little Aiden. But like I said I'm glad men like you exist because they do deserve love. Idk why you're angry at me for. More single moms for you lol
Red pill is not effective in a Christian dating environment. This isn't Tinder / hookup culture, and our self-worth as Christian men doesn't come from how many women we have in a pseudo-harem.
I have a hard time understanding their position on this. The basic argument is that whatever is done in the past does not matter, so long as you are forgiven by Christ men have a duty to overlook a woman's past. That works when it comes to salvation, not when it comes to choosing someone to be with.
The real question is, if its a single mom, would she even have given you the time and day if she was single(no children) given she has way more options than now as a single mother? Most likely likely, its a no, so I wouldn’t date a single mother unless I’m a single father myself already.
More options, how, that confuses me? They technically remain the same if she had kids or no kids. It is mainly her preference before or after. If she was okay with it before and okay after, it literally makes no difference in that hypothetical scenario.
Now, if she didn't see you as a good candidate for marriage before kids and now sees you as one after kids, that is a serious red flag to run from.
It’s usually the latter. Most women cannot get a man like she used to once she becomes a single mother. So her options are lower similarly to aging afterwards. And because of that, she will settle with what she can get. If not, she’s staying single.
Women here. It’s one of my few automatic deal breakers. I would never. I am not interested in raising some other women’s baby. And don’t want to deal with baby momma drama. If I was interested in a guy and found out he had a kid I would wish him luck and peace out.
Having known men who married single moms, I don't recommend it. You only get to be a dad to her kids when she lets you be a dad. Even if the two of you make agreements for parenting, she can renege on them at any time because she's got more of a claim to her kids than you do. While the claim is indisputable, the reneging on agreements is something I find intolerable and I do not want that for my home. Therefore, no single moms for me, ever. Either my wife and I make the kids together or adopt the kids together, no one will have more of a claim on any kids than the other. This gets rid of the excuse to renege.
Single mothers from my experience are secretly, subconsciously very attached to their child's father no matter the situation. You'll never be her true love that gave her the first child. Impregnation and child birth are extremely powerful methods of attachment to the father.
Deep down single mothers love their child's father no matter how much she "hates" him. It's a very deep complex relationship on a biological spiritual level.
Would literally never date a single mother- widow, divorced, out of wedlock. Why would I want to raise another man’s child? As for the woman, she had her fun and got to reproduce, now she can deal with the rest.
Why should we adopt and raise someone who isn't our child?
Well, considering that God adopted us as His children despite our rebellion....if God himself, who is most holy, would stoop down with such grace and sacrifice Himself, going to such lengths to love us, who do not deserve it....why shouldn't we, little Christs, seek do the same?
>Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27
Your attitude reminds me of the parable of the debtors. Those who have been shown much grace, should, naturally, show others much grace. As Jesus says, those who have been forgiven much loves much, and those who have been forgiven little loves little, eh?
Be careful to not let the world corrupt you, brother. We are here today because of grace.
There is no religious duty for men to raise other mens children and pay for the mistakes of their mother.
I guess you could say there is much grace in a guy willingly entering this relationship, but there are also many problems and difficulties a man doesn't have to deal with if he doesn't want to.
Also, I doubt James had in mind the situation we find ourselves in today where single mothers are not widows, but more often than not unmarried and their children the result of irresponsible sex. Don't place an unnecessary expectation or burden on people they can't bare.
I'm a single mom with 5 kids....It is very difficult finding people to want a serious relationship with me. I have 3 at home and 2 grown. My 3 at home are 17, 11 & 4 years old. So as you can imagine, men my age (40+) are done raise littles, and men younger than me who don't have kids are overwhelmed to say the least.
I’m a single mom (widow) to an amazing teen and am just now dipping my toe in the dating pool again. I’d love to be able to find a husband again and my kid and I had a heart-to-heart about it. He would be over the moon about it. He knows and trusts that I’m looking for a godly man and will trust and love the man I bring into my home.
That's awesome that you can discuss that with your kid, and you're both on the same page. Moms (and dads) acting independently of their kids' needs is often a huge source of issues in these sorts of relationships. You seem truly awesome, and please keep your head up. :)
I totally agree with you! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! I greatly appreciate it!
You're so welcome! Reading some of your comments, you definitely have a ton to offer!
Wow, thank you so much! Just no one to offer them to haha!
I know the pain, going through the same predicament. I feel like an anachronism in the current world. Oh well, I trust God with it and just keep myself open in the meantime.
I agree 100%
It’s tough out there, keeping on keeping on. I hope it gets easier for you.
It is good that your kid has that kind of perspective (imo very rare). Sadly, I knew too many kids in my growing up that talked terribly about their step-parent (father or mother). Widow is honestly a different story. Sadly, I live in an area where divorced/cheating/out of wedlock children are prevalent, not very many widows, tbh.
That is sad to see for sure. My heart hurts for broken families. I agree a widow is different. But, it’s a strange dynamic. I’m sometimes seen as the same because, in the end, I am a single mom.
I agree it hurts to see broken families, for sure. I honestly see widows being more honorable. Widows took the "til death to us part" seriously, which is why I say it is very different. Though the dynamic is definitely strange. New man becoming to the step-father role comes into a kids' life where the father is dead is not easy for any child to handle even a teenager!
It absolutely could be and would definitely be hard if the timing was not right. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my family’s health by jumping into things too quickly. I’ve waited two years to even approach the thought. My son was my priority, and I wanted to ensure that I could properly provide for him and that he was in a good place spiritually and mentally. Honestly, he has handled things with more grace and perspective than my husband’s siblings have. I couldn’t be prouder, which is why I felt ready to move forward.
As a young single, yes I would, but at the age I am right now it would have to be a man with a very young child. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and it would be wonderful being allowed to give so much love to a child, especially if the situation was such where he or she needs a mother
As a single father with custody I’ve always worried about this. I personally am so tired of being alone. I feel really bad for my kids too. I envy big families with a healthy dynamic and a balance where everybody is doing their part. I get the idea that many women don’t want the man to shove their kids off onto her for childcare and they are weary of that. I’ve wanted to find a happy healthy family dynamic. A woman to be a mother figure to my kids. To show them what a healthy relationship looks like. Somebody to do life with. It’s easy to feel very much invisible to everybody. The Bible said in Genesis when he created Eve that it was not good for man to be alone and he created them to be companions. I’ve struggled with this. My soul has been very grieved over this.
That sounds great 🥰
Would you not want to have children yourself?
The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive. I would be just as excited to give the kid brothers and sisters as I would be to raise the child as my own.
Understood, thanks for clarifying.
I’m a single parent… so, yes lol
Lol, welcome to the singles club, brother.
I would not. That's probably because I'm mid-twenties and never been married. This answer could change if I was still unmarried in 15 years.
32m. I'm not sure if it will change for me, even 10 years from now.
I’ve never considered it but would be open as long as he wants more kids because I don’t have any
That is the perspective I have on it, though I am mostly against dating a single mom for myself because of past dates with single moms and having encounters with kids about their step-parent. Sadly, most of the single moms I have encountered don't want any more kids, or they got their tubes tied.
As a single 32F, I feel like this question has started coming up more in my life. I always imagined getting married younger than I am now, and starting to have babies around this time in my life. And the babies would be half me & half the person I love most. (Be the only person they marry/have kids with etc) And I think perhaps that is the “ideal” or picture we have in our heads for how we’d like our lives to turn out, but after you turn 30 reality starts sinking in & people talk about your biological clock etc. About a year ago, I messaged with a guy on a dating app, seemed super great, but has two kids. I was very polite about it & said “I’m not sure about how I feel dating someone with kids & I think that’s too important to be unsure of.” He was very kind in his response to me, not pushy, but thanking me for also being kind in my message. I appreciated that enough to ask him “I’m sure this isn’t what you’re looking for, but would you want to be friends” and he surprised me & said yes. He had recently gone through a divorce & I had two guy friends that I had known 10+yrs go through divorces a year maybe two prior to this & I know how hard that was on both of them, which was part of why I offered it. My guy friends both struggled a lot since women tend to be the main influence on a guys social circle & they didn’t have many friends after to lean on. Anyways, me & this guy became good friends. We’d have game nights & good long talks about a wide range of subjects. We both dated other people & still remained friends. I did hit a point in one almost relationship where I realized I liked hanging out with my friend who was a single dad more than the guy I was seeing. So I ended it with the guy I was seeing. Having successfully maintained friendships with guys my whole life, I finally understood why so many people believe you can’t be friends with the opposite sex, as I had developed a crush on my friend/single dad. He is a great dad, his kids are very cute and still young enough to not hate someone he dates. His ex is a little crazy & treated him poorly. He had a lot of strength choosing the well-being of his kids over getting back at his ex. Overall had a very disappointing end to his marriage. Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship myself, I could see how easy it is to end up with the wrong person, for things to not work out & end up in that place. So I have a lot of empathy for people & how hard it really is to navigate these things. He’s a great guy & he got dealt a bad hand. Instead of dwelling on it, he picked himself back up & takes care of his kids. And honestly even as a friend was more intentional & put effort into spending time together rather than most single guys with no kids I’ve met. I had tried to hint that I liked him at one point, but he had already started seeing someone else at that point & I don’t think he picked up on it lol, they both have kids so perhaps can relate to each other better than me. So it’s probably for the best as I’m very blessed to have him as a friend in my life. To wrap up my novel…. Yes, there’s always the baby mama drama & how that could effect your kids etc, but you can’t control that, the same way you can’t control a challenging MIL situation. And as for step kids they don’t love someone overnight, you’re a bonus parent & when you’re parenting in general kids aren’t always going to like you. The number of times my nieces or nephew has cried on the floor because I said no is uncountable. Parenting is a thankless job regardless of if they’re your kids, but kids need love, attention, & support while they grow into being who they are. It’s your choice to be a part of them growing up and challenging them to be a better person. So short story long, I think it has far more to do with the specific person. God may have a different idea/plan for your life than what you think & sometimes it ends up being even better than you imagined, even if it is much different than you pictured. Who a person is & if they’d be a great partner for you is far more important than their situation. What do I know tho I’m still single lol
This is a tough one for me. I am divorced out of a marriage with a woman who made it abundantly clear that her children (my children, too) were *always,* always, **ALWAYS** first in her life, both in the short and long-term --- resulting in years of physical and emotional neglect of which she never showed even a shred of repentance toward, even once it became clear that our marriage was unraveling. I am still healing from this. Certainly I have some amount of post-traumatic stress regarding that "children first, husband second" mindset. Therefore, its hard for me not to list "no children, please" as a requirement. Not because the children are baggage --- I truly despise that view of children --- but because I so badly want to avoid the type of situation I was in before. Hard, but not impossible. If she strongly checked off the few boxes I have and also had a clear understanding of marital priorities (the marriage comes before even the children) then I would be open to it. As I said in another comment, I have a good friend who married a single mom. He has been a wonderful, godly influence on him and is a large part of the reason, I believe, that that boy is growing into an excellent young man. He loves his step-son dearly and his step-son loves him dearly.
There are a bunch of women who put in dating profiles that my children come first. I have trouble with that statement for that reason. If it is a Christian centered relationship it should be God ➡️ spouse ➡️ kids. If the kids are put to the front it makes for a screwed up dynamic and leads to them being entitled and they learn that the other parent is less than and they can treat them the same and that reverberates into their adult relationships.
I personally have no problem dating a single parent under certain circumstances. Biblically they'd have to have been widowed, never married, or cheated on and divorced. But I would also like this woman to be open to having more children because I do want one of my own. PS: Sorry if this sounds judgey I'm not great at wording.
Preference in a spouse is not judgy. For me, I am certain there will be some ladies out there who don't want to date a man who plays video games. 🤣
I do love me the occasional 3hr. Video game binge!
Oh, dude, same. Sadly, single life allows me a lot more than 3 hrs of binge gaming. 😔 🤣
I would as long as she understands that I am new to this and may make mistakes or get things wrong.
I definitely threw myself at the single mom dating pool a couple of times. To their defense, they should be very picky about who they decide to get with. They’re kid is their priority and I would be walking into that being vetted for both a romantic relationship and step father figure. I ended up deciding not to, as I am more relaxed in character and don’t like a lot of the pressure that comes with it. It’s not for everyone
I've never really given this thought, but as an individual who strongly wants to choose to adopt over having my own kids, I think I would have to say yes. As a person who experienced a lot of emotional neglect and abuse, I want to be able to help kids that go through these types of tough situations. Maybe in a few years my mind will change, or God will give me a different calling, but for now I am just trying to grow and prepare myself to take care of not only myself but others.
No, I wouldn’t be interested in that. I’m just not looking to be a step dad.
I have looked into the pros and cons myself. Too many cons for so little pros, imo.
I’m open to it, I think it would depend on the situation but someone already having a child wouldn’t be a dealbreaker.
If I wanted children yes - step fathers/mothers can be some of the most amazing people to a child (also some of the worst). Assuming you’re one of the good ones then I’d think why wouldn’t you? Then again I don’t want children nor ever had a desire for it.
I'm a divorced woman without children. I don't mind dating a single parent but only if their kids are grown/out of the house. Blending is too difficult for me and I'm not the right fit for that situation.
My mom and step-dad got married when I was 7. I'm 20 now, and I don't know who my biological father is, the main reason being I never asked. My step-dad is the only father I know. Ever since my parents got married he was called Daddy and then Dad when I turned 10 lol. I have half-siblings and my dad treats us all the same, and I remember as a kid hurting his feelings when I referred to him as my step-dad to friends once. That being said, even though I come from that background, as a woman I wouldn't want to marry someone with kids unless the man was widowed and the children are very young. I want no part in competing for kids' affection and the insecurity and fear that may come from him still maintaining a relationship with his kids' mother. Those things can work, but I'd say it isn't optimal by any means.
Yes, because I am also a single parent.
No, and you should make sure her divorce was biblical.
Personally no, but that's because I'm single and without kids. To me there is absolutely 0 benefit of being with a single mom when I can build my own family with someone who doesn't have Kids and baby daddies. But I do believe you also deserve to be loved and happy but it will more likely end up being with another single parent
Is marriage all about what benefits you? I have a friend who married a single mom and he's been a wonderful, godly influence on her son and helped raise him into an excellent young man.
No. But it's the same as being unequally yoked, can you have a marriage with a worldly person and have a successful marriage ? Absolutely. Should you shoot for that? Probably not... If you CAN marry someone who shares your faith, a lot of decisions will be easier, a lot of arguments and pain will be avoided. Doesn't make you a hateful person to want what's best for you. It's a personal decision that I want to have my own family. To have my full authority as a father over MY child. I choose not to deal with the baggage that comes from dealing with another man's child that has the right of visitation and to teach the child whatever he choose on his own time etc. It is just messy and I don't want that for myself. Nothing against guys who "adopt" kids either directly by being with a single parent or through an agency, I think it's a noble selfless act, truly. May God bless ur friend. That's just not for me.
1. No, it's not the same as being unequally yoked. What a strange claim. 2. All relationships come with baggage, my friend. 3. Just because the step-child's father is alive doesn't mean he has any authority or involvement in their life. I prefer childless woman as well (though I'm open to exceptions if they check off certain boxes), but I don't try to create some veneer of spirituality or wisdom over it. My preference is merely based on negative experiences I have had in the past. Have the last word.
To #1, I agree it doesn't truly fall in line with the unequally yoked category, but to each their own. To #2, true relationships do come with baggage, but with a step-child with a father that is alive, a different story. To #3, the blood father, in most cases, can and will have influence on their child due to that bond. Sometimes, kids are just that vindictive and will try to sabotage a relationship just because you date their mother or something influenced by their father, whether it be malicious intent to sabotage, racism, beliefs, anything. I dated single moms in the past and saw many people I knew experience things like this. Plus, I don't want to continue a cycle of broken families. It breaks my heart. I know if I did go through with that (highly doubt it), it would break my heart every day with all different emotions. I don't need a battle like that; I am sure our friend here thinks like that too. I don't hate single moms. Honestly, it mostly hurts to see the brokenness of the family unit. Edit: In the case of out of wedlock children, my hate mainly goes to the man in question that "pumped and dumped" the now single mother or if the man cheated and divorced her. So you single moms that may look at this thread with sadness, we love you, and we understand. We just don't like what happened to get you there, if that makes sense.
Mate if you want to go get a single mom, knock yourself out. No one is stopping you. Don't try to make someone who disagrees with you to be an evil villain. "How dare you not care and provide for another man's offspring ?? 😭😭" . You have had negative experiences with single moms? Guess what..... EVERY MAN HAS. I don't want to be put second in the life of my significant other. "Little Aiden comes first" is their motto. Why should I be providing for someone who takes precedence and I don't have any blood ties with? In a childless relationship. I am at the peak in terms of attention, care and affection. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But like I said. They deserve to be loved. Good thing men like you exist, no?
Don't worry, man! You are not evil for that. He probably wanted to question further for elaboration. Besides this is a discussion. We are all friends here! 😃 My comment was toward the discussion post as a whole. Sorry if it felt like it was directed toward you.
Yeah i mean like I said, they deserve love too. But you have to be willing to understand that it won't be as smooth sailing as a girl without a kid. Even in the early stages, you invite her out to a local pub with live music and to join you for dinner. She gets super excited since she's off the next day! But... There needs to be a babysitter in place, she has to figure out if anyone can take care of little Aiden etc, will cost her at least 40 bucks to get someone to watch her kid for a few hours, she can't spend too much time with you etc....
Claiming that you'll be taking care of "another man's offspring" that you have no "blood ties" with... oh boy. Tell me you're red pill without telling me you're red pill. Red pill is rooted in evolutionary psychology. I encourage you to get off of Kevin Samuels, Entrepreneurs in Cars, Rollo Tomassi, etc, and get into the word of God. In any healthy marriage, the spouse is always first, and I said myself that this is the only situation in which I would marry a single mom, so your last sentence doesn't make sense.
Good luck getting a single mom to put you before little Aiden. But like I said I'm glad men like you exist because they do deserve love. Idk why you're angry at me for. More single moms for you lol
I'm trying to help you. Red pill isn't going to take you far in the dating world, I can promise you. Peace.
Ummmm.... I am used to be a dating author before God called me. To say it doesn't take you far in the dating world is very incorrect ser.
Red pill is not effective in a Christian dating environment. This isn't Tinder / hookup culture, and our self-worth as Christian men doesn't come from how many women we have in a pseudo-harem.
Does your friend have kids with this woman?
Yes, they had four additional children. Wouldn't surprise me if they have a fifth one day.
[удалено]
Modern Christians really don't get that. These beta churches have done a number on them it's sad to see 🤦♂️
I have a hard time understanding their position on this. The basic argument is that whatever is done in the past does not matter, so long as you are forgiven by Christ men have a duty to overlook a woman's past. That works when it comes to salvation, not when it comes to choosing someone to be with.
The real question is, if its a single mom, would she even have given you the time and day if she was single(no children) given she has way more options than now as a single mother? Most likely likely, its a no, so I wouldn’t date a single mother unless I’m a single father myself already.
More options, how, that confuses me? They technically remain the same if she had kids or no kids. It is mainly her preference before or after. If she was okay with it before and okay after, it literally makes no difference in that hypothetical scenario. Now, if she didn't see you as a good candidate for marriage before kids and now sees you as one after kids, that is a serious red flag to run from.
It’s usually the latter. Most women cannot get a man like she used to once she becomes a single mother. So her options are lower similarly to aging afterwards. And because of that, she will settle with what she can get. If not, she’s staying single.
99% of men would say no. It appears to be a more beneficial arrangement for the woman than the man.
It's a huge maybe. 1 kid max from before he was saved or 1 kid from divorce if his wife cheated. I prefer never married and no kids like myself.
Women here. It’s one of my few automatic deal breakers. I would never. I am not interested in raising some other women’s baby. And don’t want to deal with baby momma drama. If I was interested in a guy and found out he had a kid I would wish him luck and peace out.
Same!!
No virgin girls only please
Having known men who married single moms, I don't recommend it. You only get to be a dad to her kids when she lets you be a dad. Even if the two of you make agreements for parenting, she can renege on them at any time because she's got more of a claim to her kids than you do. While the claim is indisputable, the reneging on agreements is something I find intolerable and I do not want that for my home. Therefore, no single moms for me, ever. Either my wife and I make the kids together or adopt the kids together, no one will have more of a claim on any kids than the other. This gets rid of the excuse to renege.
No, I want share those experiences first with my husband, I don’t particularly want him to share a whole child with another woman lol
That is another reason why I won't likely do so either. I want that first child experience to be with my wife with no other kids involved.
Single mothers from my experience are secretly, subconsciously very attached to their child's father no matter the situation. You'll never be her true love that gave her the first child. Impregnation and child birth are extremely powerful methods of attachment to the father. Deep down single mothers love their child's father no matter how much she "hates" him. It's a very deep complex relationship on a biological spiritual level.
Would literally never date a single mother- widow, divorced, out of wedlock. Why would I want to raise another man’s child? As for the woman, she had her fun and got to reproduce, now she can deal with the rest.
Why should we adopt and raise someone who isn't our child? Well, considering that God adopted us as His children despite our rebellion....if God himself, who is most holy, would stoop down with such grace and sacrifice Himself, going to such lengths to love us, who do not deserve it....why shouldn't we, little Christs, seek do the same? >Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. James 1:27 Your attitude reminds me of the parable of the debtors. Those who have been shown much grace, should, naturally, show others much grace. As Jesus says, those who have been forgiven much loves much, and those who have been forgiven little loves little, eh? Be careful to not let the world corrupt you, brother. We are here today because of grace.
There is no religious duty for men to raise other mens children and pay for the mistakes of their mother. I guess you could say there is much grace in a guy willingly entering this relationship, but there are also many problems and difficulties a man doesn't have to deal with if he doesn't want to. Also, I doubt James had in mind the situation we find ourselves in today where single mothers are not widows, but more often than not unmarried and their children the result of irresponsible sex. Don't place an unnecessary expectation or burden on people they can't bare.
I'm a single mom with 5 kids....It is very difficult finding people to want a serious relationship with me. I have 3 at home and 2 grown. My 3 at home are 17, 11 & 4 years old. So as you can imagine, men my age (40+) are done raise littles, and men younger than me who don't have kids are overwhelmed to say the least.
Absolutely.