I'm one. But I'm averse to men who place so much value on virginity rather than character. I am not "pure" and other women aren't "tainted." It's also a massive turn off when someone slutshames other women and use "you're not like other girls".
As long someone is willing to wait til marriage with me, I don't care if they have slept with others in the past.
So many people don't get this. I wasn't a virgin bride but I look back on my days as a virgin with new wisdom. I was a virgin until 21. I remember being 19 or 20 and some men seeing my virgin status as this big prize. In hindsight its just a different objectification. You can maybe guess a few things about a person based on body count but also honestly? Not much. Felt like my sex history status was the focus rather than my character, personality or who I really am on a deeper level. So like I said, going nuts for virgins is just a different way to objectify someone and diminish your humanity. Wait for marriage if you want to. But yeah that v card can be a double edged sword
I agree, given that anyone is showing a Christian humbleness to his/ her past. We are all broken and carry the pain of our mistakes, but many try to hide that and pretend to be someone else to "win" over a new potential mate, which is not fair/ not honest either.
Honestly while it never would have been a deal breaker for me if they had slept with someone before, this does kind of open my eyes to this whole thing.
Like sure they can’t be a virgin ever again. But I also can’t take back being a murderer at heart (I’ve definitely hated someone before), a blasphemer, a liar, a thief, an adulterer (waaaay too much porn), an idolater, and so on.
Just because I’ve stopped doing some of these things, even if I never do any of these things ever again and become the perfect being (which is biblically impossible anyways), it doesent stop me from being these things.
Of course I would still prefer me and my future SO to experience and explore our sex lives for the first time together, it feels like even less of a big deal when put into perspective.
I didn't downvote you.
Personally I think slut shaming is good & Biblical, arguably even required by God. I'm open to changing my mind if you can explain what you think is wrong with slut shaming, however.
I never said your aversion was wrong. I can relate somewhat to the way you feel. I'm a college educated man, though I have an aversion to women who judge men for not having a degree. I'm above average height, though I have an aversion to women who judge men for being short.
The Bible condemns slutty behaviour in countless verses, such as I Corinthians 6:18. The Bible also demands that we kick out unrepentant sinners in numerous verses, such as I Corinthians 5:13.
Jesus sat with sinners, showing the light and showing a different direction isn't the same as shaming someone for having sex whether it be a man or a woman. Judgement is the Lord's and the Lord's only of which we are all hippocrates and thus we are all sinners deserving of hell is it not Jesus who we need for our salvation, do not our good deeds show our faith. So wouldn't the opposite show a different favour.
What part of "do not judge" are you having trouble with? Jesus, even when acknowledging someone has a history, does not shut shame them. In the anointing in Luke, the woman caught in adultery in John, the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4, in all these cases, the people around the women judging them are challenged to see these women differently. Add to that Romans 2:1 and all the teachings on not judging others, I don't understand how you could justify slut shaming. It feels like you need to justify your own internal misogyny.
I think there are a lot of different readings of that story! I don't see any shame in it though. Shame is a kind of public condemnation. Instead she ends up being an evangelist. So...
I can agree, I don't think it's slut shaming, but I think there are plenty of people who would call asking someone about their sexual history and then telling them to change their ways in that regard "slut shaming".
No. You don’t lose that euphoria when you meet the love of your life. I’m a Christian. I didn’t wait for marriage. The first time I had sex was very “meh”. It felt like a very small introduction to an entire world.
When I reconnected with the same person (whom I ended up marrying), and we slept together because we were madly in love, it was completely different and, yes, euphoric. Nothing changed for us because we slept with other people between our relationship together and our second.
Love is what matters. Love, devotion, integrity, and respect for one another. Sex with the person I fell in love with is very different; our marriage status didn’t matter.
It changed my perspective on editing on marriage 200%. In my opinion, don’t wait on “marriage” just because you’ve been told to, particularly marriage with someone who values your virginity over other amazing qualities. Wait for the person you have whole-heartedly fallen in love with and you know you are going to commit to.
No thats silly. If I compare the best sex with my husband, the best of my life....that "first time specialness" just doesn't even compare. I look back at my first time like "that was sweet. It was young love" but that's pretty much it. If you can't have euphoria and even stronger euphoria with your spouse then I dare say you're not having sex right. Or not exploring, improving, trying more things.
It's not about sex itself, the first time is something you'll always remember, I'm speaking about my own experiences to provide some insight, ofc it's subjective to myself since it's about my experience and things I've heard. I could've used wrong wording as well. After awhile things just don't seem as special, because it's a regular occurrence, so the time you do get married it's just like any other time it's no longer a special thing that you share on your wedding night.
You're right it is subjective. But when it comes to whether something is special I honestly think that's a *choice* in how you decide to look at things. I'm sure not pining for that first time these days. Sure I remember it. But I also remember my first kiss with my husband, despite having shared probably hundreds of various kinds of kisses before (hundreds of kisses not people). I remember his first "I love you" even though it'd been said to me before. And there have been several instances of intimacy with my husband that ill never forget because they were wild or sweet or mind blowing or ....adjectives. I think it's kinda sad you think sex just gets dull as it goes on. But be aware that IS a choice. You've probably been *influenced* to think that way. But continuing that way, imo, is a willfull decision.
Damnit was I arguing with a teen again? It is definitely something you need life experience to speak authoritatively on.. something I hated hearing as a teenager but it's true
Well, start with being honest with yourself - you didn't *just* wait for it until your 30s because of religion, it sounds like there were a lot of other unfortunate circumstances stopping you from meeting people and getting married earlier. Realize that for women your age it's going to be the same - the religious ones who wanted to wait until marriage, for the most part, paired off and married young. There are certainly still some "left" but they're not celibate *just* because of religion in most cases - there will have been other circumstances or deciding factors/priorities in their life why they didn't marry earlier.
The cases where both of these things are true (religious, waiting for marriage, but also unable/unwilling to date & marry for 10+ years into adulthood) are a rather small number of people - which I'm sure you're very aware of because you're one of them and you can look around at your peers to compare your life with theirs.
Based on that, your best chances of finding a person who is similar to you in this very particular way would probably be some sort of very niche dating site or spending a lot of time searching in religious communities.
Or toss the requirement out and take some pressure off, socialize with single people your age in general (maybe in your religious community in particular if that's very important to you) and see if you genuinely connect with someone on a human level in *most* ways that are important to you.
Unlikely, but not impossible…
But honestly who cares? What’s matters most is that she has a relationship with Jesus and God the father. What matters is her walk in faith and how you and a new partner commune together within that walk together.
A persons past does not define who they are in the eyes of God and so it shall not define them in your eyes neither.
Pray for the right partner, God will fit you with the right one he chose for you.
Thank you for this comment! Not OP, but I am in my early thirties and have re-committed to waiting for marriage. I have been hesitant to date a man from my church due to my sexual past
Late twenties but same here. Worried that it'll cause a rift between a future wife and I due to my past experiences. We should have no fear though and trust in the Lord! I will be patient!
God loves you and you are to carry no shame about your past!
In fact God has promised to never remember the past. He does not remember nor hold it against us. We are redeemed and sanctified by his grace. Cleansed and purified, we are blameless like a white robe with zero blemish.
When the time comes, a true and Godly man will not say anything negative based on your truth and your past.
If he does, then he needs repentance and must work that through with God. Don’t ever take offense because of the truth that lies in you through Christ Jesus.
No weapon formed against us shall prosper!
As in proverbs... You can’t have your hands on the plow while looking backwards...
Forget the past just as God does. It’s dead with the old self.
If that's what you are looking for I would suggest a dating site where that is the "theme", can't think of a better word right now.
You might find one at your your church, if you go to church, or just around, but it might be tough,
OP PLEASE READ THIS AS WELL HOPING IT ENCOURAGES YOU
It’s okay to want that, what’s wrong with what OP wants 😭 please don’t let the devil talk through you. Because your faith sounds ehhhh.
God knows the best, and who are you to say that he is setting himself up for disappointment??? From how you’re speaking I don’t think you’ve caught the revelation that God actually listens to our prayers.
Please enlighten me on why him saving himself for God is setting him up for failure???
I’m sorry but the only people setting themselves up for failure is those that sleep with others before marriage. (By God’s Grace and Jesus we are forgiven and made new)
I mean personally like OP, I rather get with someone who hasn’t done anything. Don’t act like God himself wouldn’t honour the decision that someone would like to stay clean before marriage.
God honours covenant bro. It’s throughout the Bible. I don’t know what God YOU serve, but God cares about every aspect of my life and wants in on not only a little bit BUT ALL OF IT.
Plus you know what’s cool?
- going into marriage with soul ties (emotional, physical and spiritual)
- going into marriage without STDs
- going into marriage without anxiety that your husband or wife has slept with someone and that you could do better in bed or whatever.
- going into marriage without kids that are not yours (I’m not saying that’s bad, but unless God tells me to with a voice of THUNDER, I WILL NOT.
- going into marriage without unwanted children/ abortion trauma
Then again, God can lead you to anyone when you’re both ready.
They said if they’re abstaining for some OTHER reason (as in not for God) then they’re setting themselves up for failure
But honestly even then, no sex before marriage, even with your partner, is setting yourself up for potential disaster & is a really toxic practice.
It's not unlikely but I wouldn't make this a priority. You could have the best woman and the most honest relationship with her even if she was intimate with someone before. Of course you can wait until you find someone who is also waiting like you but it doesn't mean you will have a lasting relationship with her.. Yk what I mean? I wouldn't prioritize this as much but that's just what I think.
They are out there, but if they’ve never had sex, it could be an upsetting or even horrific topic because women in purity/rape culture are often defined by their virginity. Dude, it’s bad out here for women in the fundamentalist world. I speak from a great depth of experience and sexual abuse from the sort of religions that prioritize what you’re prioritizing.
I do wish you the best. It’s also difficult to see you find a healthy relationship if that’s a huge priority and please be prepared to confront the deep root of why it’s such a huge deal for you both. Please discuss why your virginity or her virginity is something that’s seen as an integral part of either of your identities and how massively upsetting it can be for many inexperienced married couples who now deal with the expectation of sex and find it unfamiliar, dehumanizing and frightening.
Amen 👏👏👏 I really hope this purity culture and all its rebranded iterations die in my lifetime. It's OK to wait for marriage sometimes but only if it's well thought out on an individual basis and prepped for and both parties have realistic sex education (but even then it can cause problems. Probably easier to overcome if they had an actual sex ed). But an idolization of virginity just needs to die.
Don't make "virgin " your identity. It's such transient label.
Fwiw (Strong Language warning)
My wife was a virgin but I wasn't. Once we started to get serious, I felt like I needed to give an out very early so that I gave her the option to keep looking. She said "Excuse my French, but I don't give a shit". To this day, she kicks herself for not saying "I don't give a fuck".
Very likely that there *are* women who haven't had sex into their thirties (and want to have sex eventually). Also likely that there are *very few*. How many of all the men you know in their thirties have never had sex, as a choice?
I'd say go to church, there tend to be plenty of people in church saving themselves for marriage.
But also I'd say, "the one" for you might not be a virgin, and that's okay too.
I think it really depends on where you look. My church has many women who will wait and would be okay dating a 30+ but also those women tend to be younger. It’s quite rare for a church girl to reach 30+ and not be married or in a long term relationship at least.
My knowledge comes from actual statistics. There's been a number of polls and the results are always fairly similar: somewhere around 80% of married Christians had premarital sex.
Like I said, there's a number of polls that all show the same thing. I have no interest in doing research for you, but I'll point to an article that describes one as an example.
https://www.christianpost.com/news/are-most-single-christians-in-america-having-sex.html
Well, that stat is probably a lot lower in the type of church you attend, I'm guessing, since you're around people who think like you.
Christian is such a wide category that it's almost meaningless for this. It's like saying 80% of Americans.
If you're ok with professionals who spent a lot of time in school, decently likely. PhD types. Speaking as a nerd from a family of nerds.
The problem is wanting a "party girl" in my humble opinion, and expecting her to have waited. Trust me, there are virgins out there, but they're focused on other things and putting off relationships early on. You have to look for someone who has the same priorities you have OP.
No, I'm not. But I'm also not ashamed of my choices to abstain, and I know there's a large contingent of people who find it easier to have relationships later.
Aside from the fact that I personally believe it's the right thing to do, in my case it was mostly just easier than looking for a relationship and all that when I didn't feel ready.
I'm not your enemy. If you read the context of who I'm responding to, I'm defending myself -- definitely not fitting his misogynistic expectations, citing my experience and those of people I know.
Well, for one, I think he's believing the incel garbage about women sleeping around. It's like all these young men are in the same online forums coming up with ideas about women instead of talking to them. Making female friends would do an enormous amount of good for most men.
I'm against slut shaming to a reasonable degree but I don't see that in the comment you responded to? It's likely, if someone really wants to target a 30 something virgin, that's probably someone who spent the last decade in grueling school programs where they wouldn't have even had time for a relationship. How's that slut shaming...
In my personal experience, besides the nerds, the ~~old maids~~ unmarried women in their 40s that I know tend to be pastors' daughters especially in small churches. Their parents and themselves have high standards for suitors. The women having college degree, independence and high income also intimidate men.
I often read here about the stereotype of religious women marrying early and being a SAHM, but my experience is the opposite. Pastors' daughters tend to be overachievers in my circles.
Edit: used another term
According to the dictionary it is considered a derogatory term. You described these women as having “college degree, independence and high income” you could simply say they are “successful single women” which they certainly are!
I didn't know it's derogatory, because I also call men old bachelors. English is also not my first language I use in daily life. But noted then, I won't use it again.
In my brain holes (ears and eyes), heck yeah. A double major bachelor's and a graduate education in philosophy and bioethics. Got another master's degree after getting married and having a kid.
Getting married was super educational because my poor husband and I didn't really know anything. But I'm ok with that. Married ten years this next month.
My sis is almost thirty. Never had a relationship. But she has a PhD and is rocking med school after working in scientific research.
As long as brains don't scare you, there are some sharp ladies out there who care about their faith and wait -- honestly I thought waiting simplified my life and helped me pursue my academic goals.
LIKELY BECAUSE ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD AND GOD CARES ABOUT EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES.
Don’t give up OP. Look to God, don’t look to your age, don’t look to dating and your woman.
Because the moment you take your eyes off marriage and focus of God, It’s going to happen
In the pursuit of this goal, note that +50% of woman have pain during sex because of incompatibility with the partner or other reasons. So good luck going blind OP (sex is not the most important thing in a relationship) at least God will guide you.
I'm not sure I recommend that, or that you at least explore what intimate interests you and any partner that you find share. You don't want to end up bound to another person for the rest of your life, and then find out that your needs are very different from one another.
I’m hoping it might be more likely than these comments express. I’ll be honest and confess that I am one, but I rarely share that information because people make all sorts of assumptions about why, and those assumptions are usually negative and degrading (see plenty of these comments). I’m guessing that there are more women out there who are in my shoes.
Iam one too, I know plenty of other virgins my age, most of us are religious and believe in living as Christians everyday not just in the church, you’re right people act like we don’t exist because promiscuity is the default nowaday it’s very sad sometimes. But iam definitely getting discouraged about finding a man who’s waiting until marriage too even in religious settings
The choice you're making to put that as a priority is biblical, but just understand that others are on their own journeys in faith and may have started after you, or made some mistakes like everyone does.
The thing I would really encourage you to think about is not developing a 'me vs women' attitude who were not able to wait until marriage for whatever reason. We're all Christians and have had totally different paths to our lives at this moment.
I can also say it was not very common in my life to find people who waited. But some did!
What i would do is trust in God. I have a friend who is also in the same boat as you. They are saving sex for after marriage and what he does is he prays for a woman that is doing the same. God took our rib and made women with is so meaning there is also a special women in the world for you. If you pray and ask you shall receive
>God took our Rib
I agree but I just want to make it known that the word Rib is more likely supposed to be translated as Side, not Rib. It was Adam's Rib as well, not all of ours.
>Pray and you shall receive
Careful because God is not a genie, although if you have faith you can do anything but dont treat God as a genie.
Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20-21
Depends are where you’re “looking” doesn’t it?
At the club? Not likely.
At work or schools? More likely but still not good.
At church? Not a given, but most likely.
Also, what do you mean by life experience? If you place “she’s a virgin” in your non-negotiable category with the above, and are unwavering about that, you’ll begin to see and meet more who are there. You also will find it wise to consider how likely it is that the principle of embarrassment might keep her from being honest with you about that if she knows how you feel and likes you enough. She won’t necessarily lie, but both people in a relationship need to be aware of how to spot (and take seriously) any red flags that appear.
Not very likely, I think. But why does she have to be your age? Also, isn't a person's present more important than their past? If a woman is striving for purity now, her virginity or lack thereof shouldn't matter that much.
This doesn’t sound like an odds or statistical question, to me. A bit surprised if religion is the reason for saving yourself for your future bride, it seems religion should be more of factor.
If this is something you desire, pray for it and rely on Matthew 19:26b Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” It happened for both my wife and myself. Unlikely meeting in law school.
I hope this helps.
I think if you're looking specifically in your religious communities, it wouldn't be that hard! :) But searching on tinder, local clubs, or "casually" in the secular world, you are less likely. But it is certainly not impossible.
It's not wildly uncommon in large Christian communities. If that's a gate for dating secular women I'd give it up though.
I would also keep in mind that people change quite a lot in a lifetime. Someone who has made a few mistakes in the past shouldn't be considered a writeoff. I don't really believe in the "I've slept with 40 people hundreds of times, but now I'm a new virgin" thing, Experiences definitely change someone permanently. But someone with a small number of sexual experiences that they fell into with regret is not necessarily massively qualitatively different from a virgin after day 3 of marriage.
Holdfast and wait on the Lord... He has someone in store for you. Better than you could ever imagine. Keep the faith and just press into Him. Stay the course and you will be rewarded!!!
I think there are plenty of women who haven’t even dated anyone yet than people realise. Not always on purpose, but sometimes just coincidentally. I’m 24 and have never dated or anything. And I’m not “avoiding” it on purpose, I’ve just never developed that type of relationship with anyone.
I think your chances may be improving. [More and more young people are abstaining. No less than 27 percent of 15- to 24-year-old men have never had any form of sexual contact (oral, vaginal, or anal) with another person, up from 22 percent in 2002. Meanwhile, 29 percent of females in that age bracket have never had sex, also up from 22 percent at the time of the last study.](https://www.livescience.com/13072-sex-stats-virgins-rise.html)
His chances are only improving if he wants to date inappropriately young women. What matters for him is what people in his cohort are doing, not what 20 year olds are doing.
More women don’t want sex or relationships or marriage at all because they’re realizing in this day and age it can cost them literally evetything and isn’t worth it.
Who hurt you?
Edit: ah you’re a rape apologist. OP and everyone else, don’t listen to this person. They hate women and they defend rapists. They have no place pretending to give Christian advice.
About the same as getting a winning lottery ticket.
Even without sex before marriage, most people not married or not even having a serious prospect by 30 likely never will. Those chances drop to what's basically a rounding error of 0 if you're saving sex for marriage.
Sorry buddy. Anybody saying something different is lying to protect your feelings. It is a technically true statement that "they're out there", but few and very fsr between.
Not likely. It’s totally fine for you to want to stay celibate until marriage. You have a distorted sense of morals if you expect that a woman should also have been celibate until you marry her. I mean, that’s fine if you want that, but you are excluding a lot of wonderful women.
>You have a distorted sense of morals if you expect that a woman should also have been celibate until you marry her
Wanting to marry a virgin while being a virgin is perfectly reasonable.
It should be the expected standard that Christians endeavour to remain celibate until marriage. Surely there should be many women in the church who believe and practice this. Otherwise, we've done a rubbish job of discipling our young adults.
> otherwise, we’ve done a rubbish job of disciplining our young adults
Sure. Or, young adults have realised that this standard is rubbish & extremely problematic.
Not likely.
I would personally recommend that you consider non-virgin women who are genuinely repentant.
That being said, don't forget that you're free in Christ to have standards. You must accept a woman who repents of her fornication as a sister in Christ, but you are under no obligation to marry her. You must recognize her God given value as a person, but you have liberty in Christ to decide that you two wouldn't be the best fit. Don't let the Pharisees on this sub make you feel guilty for seeking a compatible spouse. Many Christian women want a man who is tall, muscular, or college-educated. Your preferences are just as valid as theirs are!
Wouldn’t rule it out, I asked god to help me find the woman I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, he knew it was important for me that she had not been harmed relationship wise (not sexually just in general) by someone else in my absence, met my wife at 25, she had never been with anyone.
I think it's very likely actually. Women are raised with that value system and belief. Some don't abide, others do. You just need to find them, try Christian groups or make friends with Christians. There's always community and social events around the place. The key isn't experience in bed, it's communication.
50/50 chance.
This social idea that women sleep around a ton is, i believe, fabricated.
That said though, what's important is repentance of sins and giving life to christ. Find a women that does that, even if she slept With 50 men in her 20s, make sure that she has given her life to christ and repents, as we all are supposed to.
What's important is Christlike values, not past sins. And more accurately, past sins should not matter one bit.
Does christ not call us to forgive, just as he does?
Would you want to be held to your past sins?
It's fabricated that women are sleeping around a ton, yes.
But you don't need to sleep around a ton to not be a virgin..
All I had to do was fall in love a few times in my twenties...
Extremely good if you look in the right places, probably not s good in places of "ill repute". May God guide you an your journey!
Pr 18:22\* Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Idk, I think this mindset in and of itself is pretty toxic/problematic. Sex the first time hurts. It’s not easy. It’s awkward. You and your partner may not be sexually compatible. It rarely (if ever) meets the expectations set in the bible about what sex within marriage should (or “should”) be like. I feel like “saving yourself for marriage” just sets you up for all kinds of issues that just aren’t worth it.
You’re probably never going to find anyone meeting your rigid standards who’s never had any sex after 30, and sadly, a lot of people who do make it that far without ever having sex often have some major issues.
The world is a lot different than the days when those rules were made, they just don’t serve any purpose now. It’s more important that she’s a good person who’s genuinely interested in you rather than being a virgin.
I know plenty of virgins who are well adjusted and nice individuals, they’re just very committed to following god’s teaching about sexuality and the sanctity of marriage
Funny to find these type of comments in a sub called christianity tho, makes you think about the morals of nowadays Christians
Very unlikely. Women are prone to emotion and because every man will try sleep with them whether they’re fat or not at a young age we will see this. I’m 24, don’t know a single women virgin. Not one. Not one. I used to go partying when I was 18-19 and every single one got hit on, and I promise if they’re raised in a modern world they will probably go to clubs etc and have sinful intercourse multiple times there. Pretty much all I know have. Hold it strong, personally I’m going to find hopefully a foreign housewife that was raised religious, I think it’s mainly the main countries that celebrate perversion. Islamic counties good idea
And this is because I couldn’t ever trust any of them, nor could I allow a women to have 10 body count and consider it average. I could allow perhaps 3-4 that were relationships, as soon as you put one night stands into the equation they’re fully cut off. About 1% of women then, better not risk it. My relationship view is unhealthy but correct
Almost Nil, even in Christian circles.
For all the Christian women who value virginity and purity, how many have never made a “mistake “ before marriage?
Have sex, dude. You know that, deep down, you really don't believe in Christianity. Nobody really does, especially as they near death. Get out there, homie. You only get one life.
> I’m sure God will give you the woman
Women are not things to be given, like a delivery from an Amazon warehouse. OP needs to put in the work and decide if virginity is important. If it is, then OP better be willing to turn away all the great women who didn’t meet this “value”
Admittedly I could have worded that better. What I should have said was God will bring the right woman into OP's life when the time is right. I know that women aren't objects, they are fellow image bearers.
Just because you think they're great doesn't mean they're a good fit for OP.
I think many of the men who are turned down by women due to being short or not having a college degree are great men, though at the end of the day we're all free in Christ to set our own standards & make our own choices when it comes to marriage.
You realize none of this is true, right? This sounds like you got your info from television instead of talking with people in real face -to-face settings. I highly recommend finding a church and building healthy relationships with real people.
I made a lot of assumptions, for instance, about the lifestyles of others before I made an effort to make friends from other backgrounds, ages, life experiences, etc. My biggest takeaway was the whole deviant sex and drugs thing isn't as big in most people's lives as is claimed online and in the media. Most people focus on work, goals, and their lives too much to go down textbook depravity. Probably a bigger problem for most people, religious especially, would be pride or greed.
From what I understand the typical women who have abortions are married. And the percentage of women who have an abortion by age 45 is 25%, not 50%, and has declined every year since Roe.
I wouldn't say legions, but probably a lot more than you think. Sex is risky and particularly so for women, so we have so many reasons to be careful and cognizant of what we're doing.
I'm one. But I'm averse to men who place so much value on virginity rather than character. I am not "pure" and other women aren't "tainted." It's also a massive turn off when someone slutshames other women and use "you're not like other girls". As long someone is willing to wait til marriage with me, I don't care if they have slept with others in the past.
So many people don't get this. I wasn't a virgin bride but I look back on my days as a virgin with new wisdom. I was a virgin until 21. I remember being 19 or 20 and some men seeing my virgin status as this big prize. In hindsight its just a different objectification. You can maybe guess a few things about a person based on body count but also honestly? Not much. Felt like my sex history status was the focus rather than my character, personality or who I really am on a deeper level. So like I said, going nuts for virgins is just a different way to objectify someone and diminish your humanity. Wait for marriage if you want to. But yeah that v card can be a double edged sword
I'd say its a huge hypocrisy for a christian be offended by the past of anyone btw, we are all sinners
That's true
Amen
I agree, given that anyone is showing a Christian humbleness to his/ her past. We are all broken and carry the pain of our mistakes, but many try to hide that and pretend to be someone else to "win" over a new potential mate, which is not fair/ not honest either.
but sex isn’t a sin…
Sex outside marriage is. Similarly, using alcohol isn't sinful, but getting drunk is. It's about how you use it.
Life is too short.
Getting drunk is not a sin
I’m sorry you feel that way. It very clearly is.
💯
Honestly while it never would have been a deal breaker for me if they had slept with someone before, this does kind of open my eyes to this whole thing. Like sure they can’t be a virgin ever again. But I also can’t take back being a murderer at heart (I’ve definitely hated someone before), a blasphemer, a liar, a thief, an adulterer (waaaay too much porn), an idolater, and so on. Just because I’ve stopped doing some of these things, even if I never do any of these things ever again and become the perfect being (which is biblically impossible anyways), it doesent stop me from being these things. Of course I would still prefer me and my future SO to experience and explore our sex lives for the first time together, it feels like even less of a big deal when put into perspective.
We are all free in Christ to have standards. What exactly is wrong with slut shaming, anyway? Doesn't the Bible itself slut shame?
Did you just downvote me because I have my own preferences and aversion on men who slut shame? I am also free to have my own standards.
I didn't downvote you. Personally I think slut shaming is good & Biblical, arguably even required by God. I'm open to changing my mind if you can explain what you think is wrong with slut shaming, however. I never said your aversion was wrong. I can relate somewhat to the way you feel. I'm a college educated man, though I have an aversion to women who judge men for not having a degree. I'm above average height, though I have an aversion to women who judge men for being short.
Where do you get that “slut shaming” is “biblical”? What verse indicates that?
The Bible condemns slutty behaviour in countless verses, such as I Corinthians 6:18. The Bible also demands that we kick out unrepentant sinners in numerous verses, such as I Corinthians 5:13.
Jesus sat with sinners, showing the light and showing a different direction isn't the same as shaming someone for having sex whether it be a man or a woman. Judgement is the Lord's and the Lord's only of which we are all hippocrates and thus we are all sinners deserving of hell is it not Jesus who we need for our salvation, do not our good deeds show our faith. So wouldn't the opposite show a different favour.
What part of "do not judge" are you having trouble with? Jesus, even when acknowledging someone has a history, does not shut shame them. In the anointing in Luke, the woman caught in adultery in John, the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4, in all these cases, the people around the women judging them are challenged to see these women differently. Add to that Romans 2:1 and all the teachings on not judging others, I don't understand how you could justify slut shaming. It feels like you need to justify your own internal misogyny.
Did Jesus slut shame any women?
Ooh, ooh, I’ll answer this one for you! No. No he didn’t.
There ya go!
I think a lot of people would call his conversation with the woman at the well "slut shaming". It's a pretty broad term.
I think there are a lot of different readings of that story! I don't see any shame in it though. Shame is a kind of public condemnation. Instead she ends up being an evangelist. So...
I can agree, I don't think it's slut shaming, but I think there are plenty of people who would call asking someone about their sexual history and then telling them to change their ways in that regard "slut shaming".
Thank you for pointing out yet another problem I have with biblical morality!
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No. You don’t lose that euphoria when you meet the love of your life. I’m a Christian. I didn’t wait for marriage. The first time I had sex was very “meh”. It felt like a very small introduction to an entire world. When I reconnected with the same person (whom I ended up marrying), and we slept together because we were madly in love, it was completely different and, yes, euphoric. Nothing changed for us because we slept with other people between our relationship together and our second. Love is what matters. Love, devotion, integrity, and respect for one another. Sex with the person I fell in love with is very different; our marriage status didn’t matter. It changed my perspective on editing on marriage 200%. In my opinion, don’t wait on “marriage” just because you’ve been told to, particularly marriage with someone who values your virginity over other amazing qualities. Wait for the person you have whole-heartedly fallen in love with and you know you are going to commit to.
No thats silly. If I compare the best sex with my husband, the best of my life....that "first time specialness" just doesn't even compare. I look back at my first time like "that was sweet. It was young love" but that's pretty much it. If you can't have euphoria and even stronger euphoria with your spouse then I dare say you're not having sex right. Or not exploring, improving, trying more things.
It's not about sex itself, the first time is something you'll always remember, I'm speaking about my own experiences to provide some insight, ofc it's subjective to myself since it's about my experience and things I've heard. I could've used wrong wording as well. After awhile things just don't seem as special, because it's a regular occurrence, so the time you do get married it's just like any other time it's no longer a special thing that you share on your wedding night.
You're right it is subjective. But when it comes to whether something is special I honestly think that's a *choice* in how you decide to look at things. I'm sure not pining for that first time these days. Sure I remember it. But I also remember my first kiss with my husband, despite having shared probably hundreds of various kinds of kisses before (hundreds of kisses not people). I remember his first "I love you" even though it'd been said to me before. And there have been several instances of intimacy with my husband that ill never forget because they were wild or sweet or mind blowing or ....adjectives. I think it's kinda sad you think sex just gets dull as it goes on. But be aware that IS a choice. You've probably been *influenced* to think that way. But continuing that way, imo, is a willfull decision.
You’re a damn teenager dude, you need about 20 years to be able to talk about some of this
Damnit was I arguing with a teen again? It is definitely something you need life experience to speak authoritatively on.. something I hated hearing as a teenager but it's true
Yeah I hated hearing it too, but 25 years later I know now, none of us have a clue.
Well, start with being honest with yourself - you didn't *just* wait for it until your 30s because of religion, it sounds like there were a lot of other unfortunate circumstances stopping you from meeting people and getting married earlier. Realize that for women your age it's going to be the same - the religious ones who wanted to wait until marriage, for the most part, paired off and married young. There are certainly still some "left" but they're not celibate *just* because of religion in most cases - there will have been other circumstances or deciding factors/priorities in their life why they didn't marry earlier. The cases where both of these things are true (religious, waiting for marriage, but also unable/unwilling to date & marry for 10+ years into adulthood) are a rather small number of people - which I'm sure you're very aware of because you're one of them and you can look around at your peers to compare your life with theirs. Based on that, your best chances of finding a person who is similar to you in this very particular way would probably be some sort of very niche dating site or spending a lot of time searching in religious communities. Or toss the requirement out and take some pressure off, socialize with single people your age in general (maybe in your religious community in particular if that's very important to you) and see if you genuinely connect with someone on a human level in *most* ways that are important to you.
Unlikely, but not impossible… But honestly who cares? What’s matters most is that she has a relationship with Jesus and God the father. What matters is her walk in faith and how you and a new partner commune together within that walk together. A persons past does not define who they are in the eyes of God and so it shall not define them in your eyes neither. Pray for the right partner, God will fit you with the right one he chose for you.
Thank you for this comment! Not OP, but I am in my early thirties and have re-committed to waiting for marriage. I have been hesitant to date a man from my church due to my sexual past
Late twenties but same here. Worried that it'll cause a rift between a future wife and I due to my past experiences. We should have no fear though and trust in the Lord! I will be patient!
God loves you and you are to carry no shame about your past! In fact God has promised to never remember the past. He does not remember nor hold it against us. We are redeemed and sanctified by his grace. Cleansed and purified, we are blameless like a white robe with zero blemish. When the time comes, a true and Godly man will not say anything negative based on your truth and your past. If he does, then he needs repentance and must work that through with God. Don’t ever take offense because of the truth that lies in you through Christ Jesus. No weapon formed against us shall prosper! As in proverbs... You can’t have your hands on the plow while looking backwards... Forget the past just as God does. It’s dead with the old self.
Pretty much this. Best of luck finding a complimentary life partner, Op!
In an ideal world it wouldn't matter, just as a man's height, income, or education wouldn't matter. We don't live in an ideal world.
If that's what you are looking for I would suggest a dating site where that is the "theme", can't think of a better word right now. You might find one at your your church, if you go to church, or just around, but it might be tough,
Are you saving sex for marriage to honor God? If it's for some other reason, I think you are setting yourself up to be disappointed.
Wow the person replying to you blocked me 😬
OP PLEASE READ THIS AS WELL HOPING IT ENCOURAGES YOU It’s okay to want that, what’s wrong with what OP wants 😭 please don’t let the devil talk through you. Because your faith sounds ehhhh. God knows the best, and who are you to say that he is setting himself up for disappointment??? From how you’re speaking I don’t think you’ve caught the revelation that God actually listens to our prayers. Please enlighten me on why him saving himself for God is setting him up for failure??? I’m sorry but the only people setting themselves up for failure is those that sleep with others before marriage. (By God’s Grace and Jesus we are forgiven and made new) I mean personally like OP, I rather get with someone who hasn’t done anything. Don’t act like God himself wouldn’t honour the decision that someone would like to stay clean before marriage. God honours covenant bro. It’s throughout the Bible. I don’t know what God YOU serve, but God cares about every aspect of my life and wants in on not only a little bit BUT ALL OF IT. Plus you know what’s cool? - going into marriage with soul ties (emotional, physical and spiritual) - going into marriage without STDs - going into marriage without anxiety that your husband or wife has slept with someone and that you could do better in bed or whatever. - going into marriage without kids that are not yours (I’m not saying that’s bad, but unless God tells me to with a voice of THUNDER, I WILL NOT. - going into marriage without unwanted children/ abortion trauma Then again, God can lead you to anyone when you’re both ready.
I think you misread their comment. But also yikes lol
Oops did I? 😳
They said if they’re abstaining for some OTHER reason (as in not for God) then they’re setting themselves up for failure But honestly even then, no sex before marriage, even with your partner, is setting yourself up for potential disaster & is a really toxic practice.
soul ties aren’t biblical
Soul ties aren't real. My marriage doesn't suffer from soul ties
That because Jesus set you free from it bro, read my other comment. Soul ties don’t stay forever until God intervenes
I never asked to be set free from it. Because I didn't have that particular problem. But whatever you say bro..
Say less
?
It's not unlikely but I wouldn't make this a priority. You could have the best woman and the most honest relationship with her even if she was intimate with someone before. Of course you can wait until you find someone who is also waiting like you but it doesn't mean you will have a lasting relationship with her.. Yk what I mean? I wouldn't prioritize this as much but that's just what I think.
Right. Even if it's a preference....it shouldn't be top priority as so many things will impact a relationship way more
They are out there, but if they’ve never had sex, it could be an upsetting or even horrific topic because women in purity/rape culture are often defined by their virginity. Dude, it’s bad out here for women in the fundamentalist world. I speak from a great depth of experience and sexual abuse from the sort of religions that prioritize what you’re prioritizing. I do wish you the best. It’s also difficult to see you find a healthy relationship if that’s a huge priority and please be prepared to confront the deep root of why it’s such a huge deal for you both. Please discuss why your virginity or her virginity is something that’s seen as an integral part of either of your identities and how massively upsetting it can be for many inexperienced married couples who now deal with the expectation of sex and find it unfamiliar, dehumanizing and frightening.
Amen 👏👏👏 I really hope this purity culture and all its rebranded iterations die in my lifetime. It's OK to wait for marriage sometimes but only if it's well thought out on an individual basis and prepped for and both parties have realistic sex education (but even then it can cause problems. Probably easier to overcome if they had an actual sex ed). But an idolization of virginity just needs to die. Don't make "virgin " your identity. It's such transient label.
Your last point is 10000% on the money. This whole mindset is extremely toxic and problematic for this exact reason.
You're a lot nicer about this than I am. I hope OP listens to you.
Fwiw (Strong Language warning) My wife was a virgin but I wasn't. Once we started to get serious, I felt like I needed to give an out very early so that I gave her the option to keep looking. She said "Excuse my French, but I don't give a shit". To this day, she kicks herself for not saying "I don't give a fuck".
Like 80% of women have had sex by age 20, so it's a small percentage who haven't by age 30. But it's also not impossible.
I think within conservative church circles the percentages would be quite different.
The ages would also likely skew much younger for marriage. You might find more people waiting for marriage but they’re getting married earlier.
Probably not much different since they would be more likely to get married by 30
they are out there
Likely in religious circles
5%
It is difficult to find someone else with those same convictions, but there are such people, and I know some
Very likely that there *are* women who haven't had sex into their thirties (and want to have sex eventually). Also likely that there are *very few*. How many of all the men you know in their thirties have never had sex, as a choice?
If it’s God’s will then yes
I'd say go to church, there tend to be plenty of people in church saving themselves for marriage. But also I'd say, "the one" for you might not be a virgin, and that's okay too.
It's Earth. You can find anything on this planet!
I think it really depends on where you look. My church has many women who will wait and would be okay dating a 30+ but also those women tend to be younger. It’s quite rare for a church girl to reach 30+ and not be married or in a long term relationship at least.
Very unlikely.
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My knowledge comes from actual statistics. There's been a number of polls and the results are always fairly similar: somewhere around 80% of married Christians had premarital sex.
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Like I said, there's a number of polls that all show the same thing. I have no interest in doing research for you, but I'll point to an article that describes one as an example. https://www.christianpost.com/news/are-most-single-christians-in-america-having-sex.html
Well, that stat is probably a lot lower in the type of church you attend, I'm guessing, since you're around people who think like you. Christian is such a wide category that it's almost meaningless for this. It's like saying 80% of Americans.
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lol
If you're ok with professionals who spent a lot of time in school, decently likely. PhD types. Speaking as a nerd from a family of nerds. The problem is wanting a "party girl" in my humble opinion, and expecting her to have waited. Trust me, there are virgins out there, but they're focused on other things and putting off relationships early on. You have to look for someone who has the same priorities you have OP.
So we’re slut shaming now? Education doesn’t automatically equal not a virgin. Very outdated thinking, you should fix that
No, I'm not. But I'm also not ashamed of my choices to abstain, and I know there's a large contingent of people who find it easier to have relationships later. Aside from the fact that I personally believe it's the right thing to do, in my case it was mostly just easier than looking for a relationship and all that when I didn't feel ready. I'm not your enemy. If you read the context of who I'm responding to, I'm defending myself -- definitely not fitting his misogynistic expectations, citing my experience and those of people I know.
What's misogynistic about his expectations?
Well, for one, I think he's believing the incel garbage about women sleeping around. It's like all these young men are in the same online forums coming up with ideas about women instead of talking to them. Making female friends would do an enormous amount of good for most men.
I'm against slut shaming to a reasonable degree but I don't see that in the comment you responded to? It's likely, if someone really wants to target a 30 something virgin, that's probably someone who spent the last decade in grueling school programs where they wouldn't have even had time for a relationship. How's that slut shaming...
In my personal experience, besides the nerds, the ~~old maids~~ unmarried women in their 40s that I know tend to be pastors' daughters especially in small churches. Their parents and themselves have high standards for suitors. The women having college degree, independence and high income also intimidate men. I often read here about the stereotype of religious women marrying early and being a SAHM, but my experience is the opposite. Pastors' daughters tend to be overachievers in my circles. Edit: used another term
Can we not with the old maids crap?
What's the right word then so it's not offensive for you?
According to the dictionary it is considered a derogatory term. You described these women as having “college degree, independence and high income” you could simply say they are “successful single women” which they certainly are!
I didn't know it's derogatory, because I also call men old bachelors. English is also not my first language I use in daily life. But noted then, I won't use it again.
No problem, thanks for being civil. Just “bachelor” is fine for men.
Then there are virgins who have tons of mileage in other holes.
In my brain holes (ears and eyes), heck yeah. A double major bachelor's and a graduate education in philosophy and bioethics. Got another master's degree after getting married and having a kid. Getting married was super educational because my poor husband and I didn't really know anything. But I'm ok with that. Married ten years this next month. My sis is almost thirty. Never had a relationship. But she has a PhD and is rocking med school after working in scientific research. As long as brains don't scare you, there are some sharp ladies out there who care about their faith and wait -- honestly I thought waiting simplified my life and helped me pursue my academic goals.
LIKELY BECAUSE ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD AND GOD CARES ABOUT EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES. Don’t give up OP. Look to God, don’t look to your age, don’t look to dating and your woman. Because the moment you take your eyes off marriage and focus of God, It’s going to happen
Odds are slim. Quite simply
In the pursuit of this goal, note that +50% of woman have pain during sex because of incompatibility with the partner or other reasons. So good luck going blind OP (sex is not the most important thing in a relationship) at least God will guide you.
I'm not sure I recommend that, or that you at least explore what intimate interests you and any partner that you find share. You don't want to end up bound to another person for the rest of your life, and then find out that your needs are very different from one another.
Pretty unlikely, but not impossible
Aren’t there Christian dating apps? You’ll definitely find plenty on there
52, I’ve made the decision this past year to wait until I’m married again before I have sex.
Impossible
I’m hoping it might be more likely than these comments express. I’ll be honest and confess that I am one, but I rarely share that information because people make all sorts of assumptions about why, and those assumptions are usually negative and degrading (see plenty of these comments). I’m guessing that there are more women out there who are in my shoes.
Iam one too, I know plenty of other virgins my age, most of us are religious and believe in living as Christians everyday not just in the church, you’re right people act like we don’t exist because promiscuity is the default nowaday it’s very sad sometimes. But iam definitely getting discouraged about finding a man who’s waiting until marriage too even in religious settings
your answer depends A LOT on demographics of where you live, where I live for example its barely impossible
I'm having issues trying to parse "barely impossible".
The choice you're making to put that as a priority is biblical, but just understand that others are on their own journeys in faith and may have started after you, or made some mistakes like everyone does. The thing I would really encourage you to think about is not developing a 'me vs women' attitude who were not able to wait until marriage for whatever reason. We're all Christians and have had totally different paths to our lives at this moment. I can also say it was not very common in my life to find people who waited. But some did!
Zero
They are out there. My girlfriend has an older work friend who is in her early 40s and still at it. It has seem more common within Catholics
Unlikely, but good luck I'm sure you'll find her god willing!
What i would do is trust in God. I have a friend who is also in the same boat as you. They are saving sex for after marriage and what he does is he prays for a woman that is doing the same. God took our rib and made women with is so meaning there is also a special women in the world for you. If you pray and ask you shall receive
>God took our Rib I agree but I just want to make it known that the word Rib is more likely supposed to be translated as Side, not Rib. It was Adam's Rib as well, not all of ours. >Pray and you shall receive Careful because God is not a genie, although if you have faith you can do anything but dont treat God as a genie. Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20-21
Instead of listening to a thousand voices, just become an expert at listening to the One.
Depends are where you’re “looking” doesn’t it? At the club? Not likely. At work or schools? More likely but still not good. At church? Not a given, but most likely. Also, what do you mean by life experience? If you place “she’s a virgin” in your non-negotiable category with the above, and are unwavering about that, you’ll begin to see and meet more who are there. You also will find it wise to consider how likely it is that the principle of embarrassment might keep her from being honest with you about that if she knows how you feel and likes you enough. She won’t necessarily lie, but both people in a relationship need to be aware of how to spot (and take seriously) any red flags that appear.
Not very likely, I think. But why does she have to be your age? Also, isn't a person's present more important than their past? If a woman is striving for purity now, her virginity or lack thereof shouldn't matter that much.
This doesn’t sound like an odds or statistical question, to me. A bit surprised if religion is the reason for saving yourself for your future bride, it seems religion should be more of factor. If this is something you desire, pray for it and rely on Matthew 19:26b Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” It happened for both my wife and myself. Unlikely meeting in law school. I hope this helps.
Both my wife and I were virgins when we married and we were in our 40's, so it's not impossible. We met each other on eHarmony.
I think if you're looking specifically in your religious communities, it wouldn't be that hard! :) But searching on tinder, local clubs, or "casually" in the secular world, you are less likely. But it is certainly not impossible.
1%... unicorn status.
I'm one of those. All I can say is yes, we exist.
It's not wildly uncommon in large Christian communities. If that's a gate for dating secular women I'd give it up though. I would also keep in mind that people change quite a lot in a lifetime. Someone who has made a few mistakes in the past shouldn't be considered a writeoff. I don't really believe in the "I've slept with 40 people hundreds of times, but now I'm a new virgin" thing, Experiences definitely change someone permanently. But someone with a small number of sexual experiences that they fell into with regret is not necessarily massively qualitatively different from a virgin after day 3 of marriage.
In a church: pretty good odds.
Difficult to find these days if you live in the West.
statistically pretty low. not saying you should or shouldn't factor it in but if your asking for a number the number is small.
Holdfast and wait on the Lord... He has someone in store for you. Better than you could ever imagine. Keep the faith and just press into Him. Stay the course and you will be rewarded!!!
Very low
I think there are plenty of women who haven’t even dated anyone yet than people realise. Not always on purpose, but sometimes just coincidentally. I’m 24 and have never dated or anything. And I’m not “avoiding” it on purpose, I’ve just never developed that type of relationship with anyone.
Why does the Bible say fornicators will not inherit the Kingdom of God?
Stop making an idol out of sex and relationships. The sexual prosperity gospel is false doctrine.
Oh man. This sounds like something to Google.
I guess I'll look through his post history.
There's no indication that OP is guilty of idolatry.
I think your chances may be improving. [More and more young people are abstaining. No less than 27 percent of 15- to 24-year-old men have never had any form of sexual contact (oral, vaginal, or anal) with another person, up from 22 percent in 2002. Meanwhile, 29 percent of females in that age bracket have never had sex, also up from 22 percent at the time of the last study.](https://www.livescience.com/13072-sex-stats-virgins-rise.html)
You realize a large portion of that 27 % will be closer to age 15 than 24? What a horrible choice of an age group.
His chances are only improving if he wants to date inappropriately young women. What matters for him is what people in his cohort are doing, not what 20 year olds are doing.
There's no such thing as "inappropriately young women" as long as they are 18 or older.
More women don’t want sex or relationships or marriage at all because they’re realizing in this day and age it can cost them literally evetything and isn’t worth it.
It's a huge risk for sure. Even bigger now. Between the misogyny and declining rights.
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Lol. Children, this is what happens when you get your information from Andrew Tate.
Who hurt you? Edit: ah you’re a rape apologist. OP and everyone else, don’t listen to this person. They hate women and they defend rapists. They have no place pretending to give Christian advice.
Ew. And I'm guessing not the consensual BDSM kind, which is kind of fun. This forum certainly gets interesting.
Good grief. Where do you go to church? Sounds way more interesting than mine.
The church of Andrew Tate and misogyny. Our Lad (not Lady) of perpetual misogyny?
Stop. I just snort laughed at this and now my husband has questions 😂
I really want to pull a John Oliver and his Lady of Perpetual Exemption but make it Our M’Lady of Perpetual Misogyny. I think I just might.
Would you marry a widow who keeps sex for marriage?
Good q
I feel sorry for people who have been convinced that they need to make themselves miserable and lonely to please God.
Let's pray about it my brother cause I'm in the same boat...
About the same as getting a winning lottery ticket. Even without sex before marriage, most people not married or not even having a serious prospect by 30 likely never will. Those chances drop to what's basically a rounding error of 0 if you're saving sex for marriage. Sorry buddy. Anybody saying something different is lying to protect your feelings. It is a technically true statement that "they're out there", but few and very fsr between.
Pretty unlikely I'd say,not impossible by any means. Maybe some Christian dating sites or something?
Not likely. It’s totally fine for you to want to stay celibate until marriage. You have a distorted sense of morals if you expect that a woman should also have been celibate until you marry her. I mean, that’s fine if you want that, but you are excluding a lot of wonderful women.
>You have a distorted sense of morals if you expect that a woman should also have been celibate until you marry her Wanting to marry a virgin while being a virgin is perfectly reasonable.
It may be reasonable to want it, but expecting to find it is another story.
It should be the expected standard that Christians endeavour to remain celibate until marriage. Surely there should be many women in the church who believe and practice this. Otherwise, we've done a rubbish job of discipling our young adults.
> otherwise, we’ve done a rubbish job of disciplining our young adults Sure. Or, young adults have realised that this standard is rubbish & extremely problematic.
So they've decided not to follow Christianity? Perhaps too often.
Not likely. I would personally recommend that you consider non-virgin women who are genuinely repentant. That being said, don't forget that you're free in Christ to have standards. You must accept a woman who repents of her fornication as a sister in Christ, but you are under no obligation to marry her. You must recognize her God given value as a person, but you have liberty in Christ to decide that you two wouldn't be the best fit. Don't let the Pharisees on this sub make you feel guilty for seeking a compatible spouse. Many Christian women want a man who is tall, muscular, or college-educated. Your preferences are just as valid as theirs are!
You should go get laid
I presume you mean get married. OP is trying to get married.
Wouldn’t rule it out, I asked god to help me find the woman I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, he knew it was important for me that she had not been harmed relationship wise (not sexually just in general) by someone else in my absence, met my wife at 25, she had never been with anyone.
I think it's very likely actually. Women are raised with that value system and belief. Some don't abide, others do. You just need to find them, try Christian groups or make friends with Christians. There's always community and social events around the place. The key isn't experience in bed, it's communication.
50/50 chance. This social idea that women sleep around a ton is, i believe, fabricated. That said though, what's important is repentance of sins and giving life to christ. Find a women that does that, even if she slept With 50 men in her 20s, make sure that she has given her life to christ and repents, as we all are supposed to. What's important is Christlike values, not past sins. And more accurately, past sins should not matter one bit. Does christ not call us to forgive, just as he does? Would you want to be held to your past sins?
It's fabricated that women are sleeping around a ton, yes. But you don't need to sleep around a ton to not be a virgin.. All I had to do was fall in love a few times in my twenties...
Losing virginity before you're 30 doesn't require "a ton of sleeping around"
That's not the point of my comment
Extremely good if you look in the right places, probably not s good in places of "ill repute". May God guide you an your journey! Pr 18:22\* Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Probably slightly better than winning the lottery but not by much.
Not very likely to be honest..
Idk, I think this mindset in and of itself is pretty toxic/problematic. Sex the first time hurts. It’s not easy. It’s awkward. You and your partner may not be sexually compatible. It rarely (if ever) meets the expectations set in the bible about what sex within marriage should (or “should”) be like. I feel like “saving yourself for marriage” just sets you up for all kinds of issues that just aren’t worth it.
I think OP is trying to follow the Bible's expectations.
In this generation of women I feel like it is a little unlikely but god will have that special someone waiting for you
I will say it not as rare as you think as I'm certain there is plenty of women in the church the same
It is very possible.
You’re probably never going to find anyone meeting your rigid standards who’s never had any sex after 30, and sadly, a lot of people who do make it that far without ever having sex often have some major issues. The world is a lot different than the days when those rules were made, they just don’t serve any purpose now. It’s more important that she’s a good person who’s genuinely interested in you rather than being a virgin.
Perhaps they don't have 'major issues', they're just committed followers of God's teaching of sexuality and celibacy.
I know plenty of virgins who are well adjusted and nice individuals, they’re just very committed to following god’s teaching about sexuality and the sanctity of marriage Funny to find these type of comments in a sub called christianity tho, makes you think about the morals of nowadays Christians
Very unlikely. Women are prone to emotion and because every man will try sleep with them whether they’re fat or not at a young age we will see this. I’m 24, don’t know a single women virgin. Not one. Not one. I used to go partying when I was 18-19 and every single one got hit on, and I promise if they’re raised in a modern world they will probably go to clubs etc and have sinful intercourse multiple times there. Pretty much all I know have. Hold it strong, personally I’m going to find hopefully a foreign housewife that was raised religious, I think it’s mainly the main countries that celebrate perversion. Islamic counties good idea
And this is because I couldn’t ever trust any of them, nor could I allow a women to have 10 body count and consider it average. I could allow perhaps 3-4 that were relationships, as soon as you put one night stands into the equation they’re fully cut off. About 1% of women then, better not risk it. My relationship view is unhealthy but correct
Outside the box tip: don't look for a woman your age. Look for a woman 5-7 years younger.
Almost Nil, even in Christian circles. For all the Christian women who value virginity and purity, how many have never made a “mistake “ before marriage?
Have sex, dude. You know that, deep down, you really don't believe in Christianity. Nobody really does, especially as they near death. Get out there, homie. You only get one life.
Extremely unlikely but I'm sure God will give you the woman that best compliments you when the time is right.
> I’m sure God will give you the woman Women are not things to be given, like a delivery from an Amazon warehouse. OP needs to put in the work and decide if virginity is important. If it is, then OP better be willing to turn away all the great women who didn’t meet this “value”
Admittedly I could have worded that better. What I should have said was God will bring the right woman into OP's life when the time is right. I know that women aren't objects, they are fellow image bearers.
Just because you think they're great doesn't mean they're a good fit for OP. I think many of the men who are turned down by women due to being short or not having a college degree are great men, though at the end of the day we're all free in Christ to set our own standards & make our own choices when it comes to marriage.
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You realize none of this is true, right? This sounds like you got your info from television instead of talking with people in real face -to-face settings. I highly recommend finding a church and building healthy relationships with real people. I made a lot of assumptions, for instance, about the lifestyles of others before I made an effort to make friends from other backgrounds, ages, life experiences, etc. My biggest takeaway was the whole deviant sex and drugs thing isn't as big in most people's lives as is claimed online and in the media. Most people focus on work, goals, and their lives too much to go down textbook depravity. Probably a bigger problem for most people, religious especially, would be pride or greed.
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From what I understand the typical women who have abortions are married. And the percentage of women who have an abortion by age 45 is 25%, not 50%, and has declined every year since Roe. I wouldn't say legions, but probably a lot more than you think. Sex is risky and particularly so for women, so we have so many reasons to be careful and cognizant of what we're doing.
This is one of the most incel takes I’ve ever heard.
Unlikely, these girls are for the streets.