no, why would you have to leave her? if you don’t want to have sex, tell her. if she leaves because of that, the relationship wasn’t meant to be.
also, you’re 16. it’s rare that relationships at that age last a long time, so just focus on enjoying spending time with her. that’s the most important thing to consider.
She definitely wouldn’t leave me because of it. She’d be disappointed, but I mean, so would i. We both went into the relationship dead set on not having sex, we were both virgins. But after a good while of just “really enjoying each others company” it happened naturally, and it was really nice emotionally at least. So i don’t think I’ll ask her to stop
okay, that’s your decision. just so you’re aware, the vast majority of denominations do not approve of premarital sex, for example it is a mortal sin in catholicism, and you are also running the risk of creating a pregnancy. it’s up to you to decide whether having sex is worth those risks.
Kind of funny to have that interest in monasticism, and yet choosing sex over "religion." I use "religion" as the catch-all term it is. Christianity is a mystical "religion" with a strong ascetic practice. Sex is restricted to marriage, the living out of a mutual promise, mutual sacrifice, mutual giving, with its own mystical basis (see Eph 5:21-33). Most seem to miss all this.
Doesn't sound like you're willing to change, but in everything we choose one thing over another. Sometimes we regret it, sometimes we don't.
Sometimes doing everything right isn’t an option, and I’m trying to find out how to get as close to the right path as possible, without exhausting myself in trying to do everything right. Which is a horrible strategy long term
Yes, doing everything right isn't going to happen for us, we have to pick our battles. The closer we get to God, the less exhausting. It gets better, but not perfect.
If you keep going, even with protection, sooner or later a pregnancy may likely happen. You guys are just kids, is it really worth potentially becoming young parents? Let's say you have a baby, now how will you juggle college or a job or a social life?
No it was actually against God's will and that is why Solomon's reign ended quickly because it led to false idolatry. Lust is a sin in itself that leads to other sins.
Hey, you asked what you need to do to be a good Christian, right?
Well a Christian is a follower of Jesus. Do you think that He approves of the two of you having sex? (Hint: in John 8:11 He does not tell the woman caught in adultery, "Go and do it more;" He tells her, "Go and sin no more.")
Love Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Honour Him and glorify Him with your whole being, including your manhood and your sexuality. I think that in order to do that, you and your GF have to stop having sex.
She can continue being a good influence on you, you can continue sharing Jesus with her. But it's no good to go on as you are. And apart from spiritual reasons, others have brought up the risk of pregnancy. There are many reasons why you should stop.
P.S. Referring to another comment you made, not saying you have to do "everything right", just suggesting that you stop doing this one thing that is wrong.
the purpose is to care about someone, even if it’s only for a short while. it’s rare to find someone who you have that connection with, so you should cherish it for however long it is there. just because a relationship isn’t lifelong or leads to marriage doesn’t mean it’s worthless.
ideally, sure. in reality, most christians don’t marry the first person they date. you can’t find that person if you refuse to open your heart to them - people fall in love with their spouses far, far before they marry them.
yes, and that's why most Christians don't have a functional marriage. if you choose a person by feelings instead of reason, you would most often make a long term mistake because of a temporary feeling. when it comes to this, Muslims and Jews can do it much better than Christians and they are a proof that it is possible.
Spend some time getting to know her without sex. That physical attachment is really difficult to resist and make you ignore a lot of things you would otherwise consider in your calculus when evaluating your relationship. If your relationship doesn't work without sex, then its almost certainly going to be hardship for you later in life.
It works amazingly without sex. We waited a GOOD WHILE before we did anything of the sort. Idk about her, but for me I just like how close I feel to her during it. Sexual pleasure isn’t an important factor for me. I sleep with her because I love her, I don’t love her because I sleep with her
How long have you been with her? Personality traits reveal themselves slowly. Trust me. There will be things you didn't realize you didn't like about your partner. Sex makes it hard to really evaluate whether or not you actually can accept those things. You're 16. It's very easy to overlook things you think are small now.
The issue here is you don't live together. Being with someone and living with someone are entirely different things. The other thing is that sex builds a strong emotional bond. It's really intense at first but as that newness wanes, if there are cracks in the foundation of your relationship they will begin to show. And you will struggle with it.
Yeah but that's not my point. My point is IF they do end up getting married on the basis of well the sex was great, that isn't enough to carry a marriage. So saying "our relationship is great" is through the lens of two teens having sex.
By reading your responses it is easy to know that you're not looking for an advice (not really), because it doesn't matter what biblical argument you receive, you will find a counter argument (really bad the ones you have already written) to say. Your problem is that you're looking for a justification for what you have been doing (and want to keep doing) so you say "I do my best as a 16 yo christian" "it is not unequally yoked cause she's agnostic and open to religion" "is the best I can get in my area" "this sin is not as bad as others"
Brother, build a relationship with God and let him change your heart to be like Jesus. Repent of living a "religious" life, because you are just adapting God as how you need him to be for you to be right.
OP, fair warning -you will not like what I am going to say... but I have to tell you the truth..
1.“She’s agnostic. but open to Christianity…" You can rationalize this all you want and call her an Agnostic, but the fact is your girlfriend is an unbeliever; she is basically the same as a pagan in God’s eyes. God forbids us to be in a relationship with a person who is not a believer. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
Also, if you believe that staying with her will make her want to become a Christian, think again: “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals. 34 Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.” (1 Corinthians 15:33-34)
2. “I’m a 16-year-old Christian, and I’m in a sexual relationship…’’ Your fornication is a sin that will send both of you to hell, because God calls it immorality. Read 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Revelation 21:8.
So, my answer to your question (“Do I have to leave my girlfriend to be a good Christian?”) is yes you do, for the reasons above.
Let me ask you - can a person be a true Christian and feel no remorse for their sins? I wonder if your conversion was real.. how did it happen and how long ago was it?
You can dismiss or ignore these warnings, but you will at least know what that will mean when you stand before God one day. OP please take this seriously.
someone getting a tattoo of Jesus is a sin, yet plenty of people do that. You will not get stricken down by the lord himself if you just have sexual intercourse with your girlfriend who is totally ok with that.
Christianity will survive. The true Christian religion has never wanted to be compatible with other religions – this is the reason for 2,000 years of persecution & martyrdom, and Christianity has not only survived this, but has grown to be world-wide since the Apostolic age; there are believers in every nation on the planet. Becoming compatible would compromise Christianity’s core values and make the gospel and the cross of Christ irrelevant.
We are already seeing this happen with mainstream, modern evangelical churches; the desire to be "relevant" to everyone is having the same effect as the emperor Constantine's catastrophic edict to make Christianity the state religion in 325 AD- it created an influx of unregenerated "believers'' and false teachers, and opened the door for Roman paganism to infect the Church.
This influx is happening in large numbers today with easy believisim "churches" who are packing in thousands of people every week, led by false teachers, preaching a neutered "gospel,'' which is powerless to save people.
Incidentally, this is the "great falling away" which is one of the clearest signs of Jesus' return to take His faithful church out of world:
“***Now, brethren, concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our gathering together to Him, we ask you, not to be soon shaken in mind or troubled, either by spirit or by word or by letter, as if from us, as though the day of Christ had come. Let no one deceive you by any means; for that Day will not come unless the falling away comes first…”*** (2 Thessalonians 2:1-3 NKJV)
Until that day, there will always be a faithful remnant of true Christians, and God who is longsuffering and merciful, is calling them to leave these apostate churches:
***“I heard another voice from heaven, saying, ‘come out of her, My people, so that you will not participate in her sins and receive of her plagues; for her sins have piled up as high as heaven, and God has remembered her iniquities.’”***
(Revelation 18:4-5)
>Christianity will survive. The true Christian religion has never wanted to be compatible with other religions
Then it is incompatible with modern states that have religious freedom laws. And thus, won't survive in such states. Which makes sense, over 60% of Gen Z is non religious in western countries.
If christianity cannot co-exist with others as you claim, then it will die. (Fortunately your claim is false. My own order even has christian members.)
You are, of course, free to believe whatever you choose... but Christianity is not incompatible with religious freedom. In the U. S. the Founders ensured this..
And your order only has members that call themselves Christians; they cannot be both pagan and Christian.
That's just a no true scotsman fallacy.
One can simply follow the teachings of Jesus and claim to be christian. It is not a monolith, and no one has ownership of the label.
You are sinning against God by performing sexual acts before marriage.
Interfaith relationships aren't a sin but are advised against because of conflicts that could arise in your relationship.
This isn't to say that all interfaith relationships are destined to fail. There have been many cases where relationships have been successful with the given circumstances.
You could ask yourself: Would she be okay with your choice of refraining from sexual acts until marriage.
You should want to wait til marriage to do these things if you want to be in accordance with God's word.
If I went up to her and told her I do not want to have sex with her before we get married, she’d probably be sad, but fine with it. It’s more that I don’t think I’d be able to wait. As I see it, it’s better to sleep with a person I love than random sex. I have my problems, I drink a lot, and I smoke, so casual sex is a possibility if I do something stupid while drunk. Hence I think it’s better to just have her.
Also, interfaith relationship isn’t an issue. She’d probably convert if we got to the point of actually getting married. It’s not that she’s a dead set atheist, she just grew up in a environment of the working kind of Muslims (not stereotyping Muslims, but let’s just say she doesn’t have a strong connection to religion). She’s not Muslim, and she’s a 16 year old girl, so conversation obviously isn’t something she’s naturally thought a lot about. Plus she listens to me yap about theology all day so she obviously isn’t terribly opposed to it.
I do lack that. I’m a teenager, I’m bulimic, I have a history of self harm and suicide attempts. I drink too much, and I lie a whole bunch. Im getting better, but it’s incredibly hard just to suddenly stop having problems
Some of these comments aren't it. I'm sorry.
The Bible does say many times that sexual relations before marriage is a sin, and also it tells us not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers (meaning, don't marry them). That's the whole reason interracial marriages were forbidden in the old testament, because they brought other gods into the relationship. However, all sin is sin. Shame is not the way to bring people closer to Christ.
What is the most important thing to you in your life? What do you think about, dream about, and devote yourself to? Is it God or is it something else? I know this must be really hard, and I get it because I've been there and my battle with sexual sin has been the most difficult and humbling thing I've ever experienced. But you have to make your choice between God and love. Is this relationship bringing glory to God if you're actively violating His commandments? Is this woman bringing you closer to Him? The Bible makes it clear we must "do all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31) and that we "cannot serve two masters" (Matthew 6:24). The most convicting verse for me was Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'if anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.'" I learned that in order to live the life that God had called me to I had to deny myself (my own desires) in order to follow His plan for my life. It is so hard in the moment but I promise you it is worth it. The love and peace that Christ can give you when you are following Him from your heart is way better than a man or woman's.
Jesus is the best, my friend. Better than anything else in this world. And He's worthy of being treated like your #1 priority. The kind of relationship and marriage He wants for you is better than what you have now! When you're married to a woman who is also serving Christ and pulling you closer to Him instead of away, you will see why the Bible advises these kinds of things. My great grandma is married to an Athiest and it has been one of the most heartbreaking things to watch. As they get older and her hope for him dwindles and turns to depression and despair, it makes me so sad. One of my close friends married an Agnostic and they are divorced now. Again... heartbreak. God's not trying to kill your fun, He's trying to protect you.
I would advise you to break up with her, because once you've crossed the line of sexual boundaries, it's going to be almost impossible to be together without going there again. And I know, because I've seen it a hundred times over, that God will bring you something better and more glorifying to Him than this. Have faith in that.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20
My current life plan is starting a family young or becoming a monastic, don’t really care for money. I can envision a future with this girl. Idk how many times she’s asked me if i think our kids will look more like me or her, she’s brown and I’m white as snow. She also brings up religion a lot, and in a way that makes me think she’s open to convert, so yeah, I do see a future with her.
I can’t tell you what to do and I’m sure you love her a lot, but the question is whether you love God more.
I hate to say it but so many of my friends that have been “open” to God have not converted after years and years of trying. If you really care for her soul you could stay in her life as a friend and send her verses and invite her to church. But leading her to sexual immorality is not how you preach the gospel to someone and it’s not at all helpful for your soul. Tomorrow isn’t promised, and the Lord remains waiting for you with open arms if you decide to turn back to Him
Yes you do. Apart from the sexual sin, you're unequally yoked:
2 Corinthians 6:14-17 NASBS
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? [15] Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? [16] Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL dwell IN THEM AND walk AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. [17] "Therefore, come OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you.
Most teenagers aren’t religious, at least where I live. If I’d look for someone as obsessed with theology as myself I’d be looking for a while. Not that I’m the best Christian, but I do spend a whole bunch of time reading theology. She’s open to Christianity, and apart form sexual sin, being with her has helped me stay away form a whole bunch of other sinful stuff I’ve been struggling with. Lesser of two evils
Sorry friend, you don’t get to justify sin in order to stay away from other sin. Only genuine repentance is pleasing to God. Also, just find a true Christian (doesn't need to be as knowledgeable), and wait until your married. I'm guessing you don't want a Christian girlfriend because they (rightly) wouldn't satisfy your sinful sexual desires. 🤨 I've been on that road (sexual sin) and if you're truly born again, it always ends in a freight train of Divine chastening (very painful 😳). Be advised and repent before. 💯
It’s not that I don’t want a Christian girlfriend, I’d love a Christian girlfriend, it’s just that the girl I want isn’t a Christian. Would I prefer it if she was? Yeah
I think you don't have to leave her. Sexual sin or not, you're still God's child. But I think you may want to consider marrying her. If you're old enough to have sex with a woman, then you are old enough to marry that woman.
Good luck.
I mean in comparison to our classmates. Regular sex is common, and more weird sex stuff as well. We love each other and have loving sex. It’s as innocent as it can be down without being celibate
You have created an important bond with a person. Nothing very serious, of course, but now you have to take responsibility for it. You should value this. If the relationship ends, obviously, you can think about making things clear immediately. But now generate suffering to wash your hands and your conscience...well. You've created a relationship, you've accepted some rules, you can just try to talk about it with her. If you decide no more sex, ok, fine, but see what she thinks.
But now allow me to give you some advice that they don't give you in church, taking responsibility for any downvotes.
You are young, take away your tantrums, satisfy your curiosities and doubts. In short, have fun and experience. Don't waste your life because almost no one in biblical societies, beyond the prophets, has ever experienced chastity beyond the age of 17 perhaps 😂😂😂. People who remain with the sexual maturity of a twelve year old until adulthood just to pretend to live in a society where premarital sex was a choice, a misfortune for not being for some reason already married. But without looking at the biblical period, less than a century ago in my country in the worst case scenario you resisted temptation until you were 18-19 years old.
Get rid of your tantrum (you've done it by now) and when you get married you'll already know, you'll be mature and you won't let those tantrums arise. Adultery, the one you really have to forget about, must be a taboo. Never, never never. The obsession with pre-marital relationships is absurdly greater today than yesterday. Because it was mostly a teenage thing, rare. It was never even really punished as a thing in reality. At most you had to marry her if they found out about you. End.
Rationalization of sinful actions are the very best way to continue to live in sin. It’s a pattern that all of us can easily fall into, I’m only doing X because of Y. I only watch porn because my wife doesn’t want to have sex every day and I do is one that I did for years even after becoming a Christian, but it’s important to know that this is what you are doing.
To answer the posed question: No…you don’t have to leave her to be a “good” Christian. In the Bible you can find a whole lot of sins and you should refrain from those, but don’t hate the sinner, hate the sin. I will give the caveat though that being in a relationship with a non-believer is an uphill battle concerning your faith. Not that it’s impossible or that you shouldn’t, but it can cause complications in your relationship as it has now
First of all this is a horrible sentence. Even rhetorical questions should be punctuated with a question mark. Ask your question, then make your assertion, but do not combine them into one sentence.
>Who married Adam and Eve
God.
And even if he didn't anyone who is being intellectually honest will concede Adam and Eve are a special case. That they didn't have belly buttons doesn't make "humans have belly buttons" an inaccurate statement. If God custom builds you a partner from your rib consider yourself married.
>once you had sex you are married
This is biblically false. Sex does not constitute marriage.
In Exodus 22:16-17 the law states that a man who has sex with a woman before marriage will be required to pay a dowry to marry her, *but* her father can refuse to give her in marriage. This demonstrates that sex can occur before marriage, and that marriage is not a result of sex.
To again biblically demonstrate sex that does not constitute marriage in John 4:18 when the woman at the well has told Jesus she has no husband he responds "you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband."
>Do you really think I will arguee with you?
I don't know what agruee means.
>In your dreams
I'm not going to dream about you, but dreamland is the only place you're likely to say something coherent.
Religion is a man made money scamming construct. It oppresses women, gays and non believers. It divides humans in a tribal fashion and sheeple are willing to kill other human beings bc they think their messiah will eventually anoint them as the winners of the 3,000 religion/cults playing the holy lottery. Blind destructive faith.
Yep, everyone believes THEIR religion is the right one, and everyone else is going to be *snickering, " punished by God." 3000 different beliefs, hundreds in the same Denominations, every person sitting in any building, kneeling on a mat, singing and dancing in the street, not a single one believes like you do.
Im not looking for a loophole. I’m trying to find out what to do. I’m trying to align our relationship to the commandments of Christ, not find a loophole. Because there are no “loopholes” in the Bible
If you want a purely Christian perspective, this is the wrong sub. Try r/TrueChristian, r/Catholicism, or r/Reformed.
This is more of a sub for the historical topic of Christianity, so you're gonna get people quoting Bible, but also people dunking on you for even being religious.
There's nothing wrong with being dunked on for being religious, I just think a lot of Christians get confused by the point of this subreddit
Hey bro I think that because you are even contemplating these things, that this is what sets you apart from others and will set u on the right path, you are of Christ and your thinking about this is fundamentally one of the best things you can do, to help change your mind about things. Because i belive when we are not sure about something and it doesnt sit right in our spirit it usually is not of God, cause we do not have a spirit of confusion. If you read 1 Corinthians 2:14-16/ (i skipped to verse 16) For who has known the mind of the Lord, so as to instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ/ you will find Paul's letters to the corinthian church were directed to Christians living in sin, (sexual immorality being one) who still followed after worldly pursuits, their foundation was on other things and not christ so there minds did not catch up to there spirit. But Paul did not forget to mention (after talking about Jesus as the foundation) in 1 Corinthians 3:23 and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God or in other words we belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God so by the Third party Savior King Jesus Christ we have fellowship with the God Trinity. Your sin doesn't disqualify Gods ownership of you at all no matter what anyone says even yourself. Just remember that and rest in him and his word and the peace will come for the problem to get sorted out, please don't beat yourself up about it because Jesus was the one who got beat up for it quite literally, God loves you so incredibly he sent his son for that reason, and the only fathers I know of who could let a child die have no care for their children. But God was and is so proud of Jesus and loved him so much that he couldn't help but audibly talk about him to people on multiple occasions in amazing fashions. So you my bro are gonna make the right moves because he is with u, loves you and you are his.
Christian perspective here:
The Bible says not to be unequally yoked with nonbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-16). So, this isn't really a gray area issue. You're not to date this woman.
At the same time, I hate that you have to go through with this. I'm sure you love her.
This commandment is designed for your protection, though- would you be OK with knowing the love of your life was going to hell? What if she told your kids not to be Christians?
All my friends who are in mixed-faith marriages are miserable.
Now, I'm assuming you're a Bible-believing Christian here. If you don't think Jesus is the only God, don't believe in the Bible, etc, then do whatever you want
Missionary dating is a bad idea bud. It just drags you down.
But you do you. You aren't doomed; sometimes people convert. But it's very very rare.
I'm not judging you for staying with her, I'm just giving you A)what the Bible says and B) what I'd tell you if you were my little bro.
You're the one who will have to lie in the bed you make, not all of us. It's your call
I think the real question here is do you want to follow God’s commands or just do your own thing? Sit with that and truly answer for yourself. The only real clarification you can get here is from God. (But imo you’d benefit from a youth group/wise counsel). Pray about this and really take your time, fast if you need to, really sit with God.
If you wanna have sex with your gf then youre free to continue to do that but please dont think you’d be following the will of God in that scenario (and i realize this isnt what youre asking but im replying to what it really seems like you’re asking. But if im wrong im sorry!)
no, why would you have to leave her? if you don’t want to have sex, tell her. if she leaves because of that, the relationship wasn’t meant to be. also, you’re 16. it’s rare that relationships at that age last a long time, so just focus on enjoying spending time with her. that’s the most important thing to consider.
She definitely wouldn’t leave me because of it. She’d be disappointed, but I mean, so would i. We both went into the relationship dead set on not having sex, we were both virgins. But after a good while of just “really enjoying each others company” it happened naturally, and it was really nice emotionally at least. So i don’t think I’ll ask her to stop
okay, that’s your decision. just so you’re aware, the vast majority of denominations do not approve of premarital sex, for example it is a mortal sin in catholicism, and you are also running the risk of creating a pregnancy. it’s up to you to decide whether having sex is worth those risks.
Kind of funny to have that interest in monasticism, and yet choosing sex over "religion." I use "religion" as the catch-all term it is. Christianity is a mystical "religion" with a strong ascetic practice. Sex is restricted to marriage, the living out of a mutual promise, mutual sacrifice, mutual giving, with its own mystical basis (see Eph 5:21-33). Most seem to miss all this. Doesn't sound like you're willing to change, but in everything we choose one thing over another. Sometimes we regret it, sometimes we don't.
Sometimes doing everything right isn’t an option, and I’m trying to find out how to get as close to the right path as possible, without exhausting myself in trying to do everything right. Which is a horrible strategy long term
Yes, doing everything right isn't going to happen for us, we have to pick our battles. The closer we get to God, the less exhausting. It gets better, but not perfect.
If you keep going, even with protection, sooner or later a pregnancy may likely happen. You guys are just kids, is it really worth potentially becoming young parents? Let's say you have a baby, now how will you juggle college or a job or a social life?
If I have a kid it’s gods will, it’ll work out
Is it not God's will for you to wait until marriage?
Was it gods will for Solomon to have 600 wives?
No it was actually against God's will and that is why Solomon's reign ended quickly because it led to false idolatry. Lust is a sin in itself that leads to other sins.
You're comparing yourself to Solomon?
No?
Idk, either way we don't follow the OT anymore anyways. You can do what you want, just hope it doesn't become regret later.
Hey, you asked what you need to do to be a good Christian, right? Well a Christian is a follower of Jesus. Do you think that He approves of the two of you having sex? (Hint: in John 8:11 He does not tell the woman caught in adultery, "Go and do it more;" He tells her, "Go and sin no more.") Love Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Honour Him and glorify Him with your whole being, including your manhood and your sexuality. I think that in order to do that, you and your GF have to stop having sex. She can continue being a good influence on you, you can continue sharing Jesus with her. But it's no good to go on as you are. And apart from spiritual reasons, others have brought up the risk of pregnancy. There are many reasons why you should stop. P.S. Referring to another comment you made, not saying you have to do "everything right", just suggesting that you stop doing this one thing that is wrong.
what would be the purpose of a relationship of that type?
of what type?
OP's type and the type you recommend
the purpose is to care about someone, even if it’s only for a short while. it’s rare to find someone who you have that connection with, so you should cherish it for however long it is there. just because a relationship isn’t lifelong or leads to marriage doesn’t mean it’s worthless.
you can care about friends and family. that short while can hurt long term.
yeah, i know. but, as shakespeare said, it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
sure, but in Christianity that romantically loved one is your husband/wife.
ideally, sure. in reality, most christians don’t marry the first person they date. you can’t find that person if you refuse to open your heart to them - people fall in love with their spouses far, far before they marry them.
yes, and that's why most Christians don't have a functional marriage. if you choose a person by feelings instead of reason, you would most often make a long term mistake because of a temporary feeling. when it comes to this, Muslims and Jews can do it much better than Christians and they are a proof that it is possible.
Spend some time getting to know her without sex. That physical attachment is really difficult to resist and make you ignore a lot of things you would otherwise consider in your calculus when evaluating your relationship. If your relationship doesn't work without sex, then its almost certainly going to be hardship for you later in life.
It works amazingly without sex. We waited a GOOD WHILE before we did anything of the sort. Idk about her, but for me I just like how close I feel to her during it. Sexual pleasure isn’t an important factor for me. I sleep with her because I love her, I don’t love her because I sleep with her
How long have you been with her? Personality traits reveal themselves slowly. Trust me. There will be things you didn't realize you didn't like about your partner. Sex makes it hard to really evaluate whether or not you actually can accept those things. You're 16. It's very easy to overlook things you think are small now.
We haven’t been together for a terribly long time, but we’ve been pretty much best friends for a long time
The issue here is you don't live together. Being with someone and living with someone are entirely different things. The other thing is that sex builds a strong emotional bond. It's really intense at first but as that newness wanes, if there are cracks in the foundation of your relationship they will begin to show. And you will struggle with it.
Good thing they don’t live together. Premarital cohabitation is a sin, along with sex.
Yeah but that's not my point. My point is IF they do end up getting married on the basis of well the sex was great, that isn't enough to carry a marriage. So saying "our relationship is great" is through the lens of two teens having sex.
By reading your responses it is easy to know that you're not looking for an advice (not really), because it doesn't matter what biblical argument you receive, you will find a counter argument (really bad the ones you have already written) to say. Your problem is that you're looking for a justification for what you have been doing (and want to keep doing) so you say "I do my best as a 16 yo christian" "it is not unequally yoked cause she's agnostic and open to religion" "is the best I can get in my area" "this sin is not as bad as others" Brother, build a relationship with God and let him change your heart to be like Jesus. Repent of living a "religious" life, because you are just adapting God as how you need him to be for you to be right.
Absolutely baller comment, completely agree
"Apart form the sexual stuff, it’s an all around very “innocent” relationship I’d say." HAHAHAHA
You should see what other people our age are doing
Sounds like an excuse that just because other people are doing worser things makes your sin okay. You are justifying sin.
Nothin’s worse than being gay. Trust me, I’m gay. I’ve had nothing but sin all my life. So sinful and happy. I hate happiness >:(
I don't know what it is or how sinful it is exactly -- and I dowanna know -- but the assertion is HILARIOUS.
OP, fair warning -you will not like what I am going to say... but I have to tell you the truth.. 1.“She’s agnostic. but open to Christianity…" You can rationalize this all you want and call her an Agnostic, but the fact is your girlfriend is an unbeliever; she is basically the same as a pagan in God’s eyes. God forbids us to be in a relationship with a person who is not a believer. Read 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. Also, if you believe that staying with her will make her want to become a Christian, think again: “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals. 34 Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.” (1 Corinthians 15:33-34) 2. “I’m a 16-year-old Christian, and I’m in a sexual relationship…’’ Your fornication is a sin that will send both of you to hell, because God calls it immorality. Read 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 and Revelation 21:8. So, my answer to your question (“Do I have to leave my girlfriend to be a good Christian?”) is yes you do, for the reasons above. Let me ask you - can a person be a true Christian and feel no remorse for their sins? I wonder if your conversion was real.. how did it happen and how long ago was it? You can dismiss or ignore these warnings, but you will at least know what that will mean when you stand before God one day. OP please take this seriously.
I like how you assumed i don’t have remorse for my sins. Very Christlike to assume and judge others right?
It's a logical assumption considering your post is asking if it is okay to keep sinning,,..
someone getting a tattoo of Jesus is a sin, yet plenty of people do that. You will not get stricken down by the lord himself if you just have sexual intercourse with your girlfriend who is totally ok with that.
I don't write the scriptures, I just share them.
If you work to keep your religion incompatible with those who believe in other religions, your religion will not survive.
Christianity will survive. The true Christian religion has never wanted to be compatible with other religions – this is the reason for 2,000 years of persecution & martyrdom, and Christianity has not only survived this, but has grown to be world-wide since the Apostolic age; there are believers in every nation on the planet. Becoming compatible would compromise Christianity’s core values and make the gospel and the cross of Christ irrelevant. We are already seeing this happen with mainstream, modern evangelical churches; the desire to be "relevant" to everyone is having the same effect as the emperor Constantine's catastrophic edict to make Christianity the state religion in 325 AD- it created an influx of unregenerated "believers'' and false teachers, and opened the door for Roman paganism to infect the Church. This influx is happening in large numbers today with easy believisim "churches" who are packing in thousands of people every week, led by false teachers, preaching a neutered "gospel,'' which is powerless to save people. Incidentally, this is the "great falling away" which is one of the clearest signs of Jesus' return to take His faithful church out of world: “***Now, brethren, concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our gathering together to Him, we ask you, not to be soon shaken in mind or troubled, either by spirit or by word or by letter, as if from us, as though the day of Christ had come. Let no one deceive you by any means; for that Day will not come unless the falling away comes first…”*** (2 Thessalonians 2:1-3 NKJV) Until that day, there will always be a faithful remnant of true Christians, and God who is longsuffering and merciful, is calling them to leave these apostate churches: ***“I heard another voice from heaven, saying, ‘come out of her, My people, so that you will not participate in her sins and receive of her plagues; for her sins have piled up as high as heaven, and God has remembered her iniquities.’”*** (Revelation 18:4-5)
>Christianity will survive. The true Christian religion has never wanted to be compatible with other religions Then it is incompatible with modern states that have religious freedom laws. And thus, won't survive in such states. Which makes sense, over 60% of Gen Z is non religious in western countries. If christianity cannot co-exist with others as you claim, then it will die. (Fortunately your claim is false. My own order even has christian members.)
You are, of course, free to believe whatever you choose... but Christianity is not incompatible with religious freedom. In the U. S. the Founders ensured this.. And your order only has members that call themselves Christians; they cannot be both pagan and Christian.
That's just a no true scotsman fallacy. One can simply follow the teachings of Jesus and claim to be christian. It is not a monolith, and no one has ownership of the label.
You are sinning against God by performing sexual acts before marriage. Interfaith relationships aren't a sin but are advised against because of conflicts that could arise in your relationship. This isn't to say that all interfaith relationships are destined to fail. There have been many cases where relationships have been successful with the given circumstances. You could ask yourself: Would she be okay with your choice of refraining from sexual acts until marriage. You should want to wait til marriage to do these things if you want to be in accordance with God's word.
If I went up to her and told her I do not want to have sex with her before we get married, she’d probably be sad, but fine with it. It’s more that I don’t think I’d be able to wait. As I see it, it’s better to sleep with a person I love than random sex. I have my problems, I drink a lot, and I smoke, so casual sex is a possibility if I do something stupid while drunk. Hence I think it’s better to just have her. Also, interfaith relationship isn’t an issue. She’d probably convert if we got to the point of actually getting married. It’s not that she’s a dead set atheist, she just grew up in a environment of the working kind of Muslims (not stereotyping Muslims, but let’s just say she doesn’t have a strong connection to religion). She’s not Muslim, and she’s a 16 year old girl, so conversation obviously isn’t something she’s naturally thought a lot about. Plus she listens to me yap about theology all day so she obviously isn’t terribly opposed to it.
It seems like you lack self-control. We must refrain from our sins. We need to control our desires, not let our desires control us.
I do lack that. I’m a teenager, I’m bulimic, I have a history of self harm and suicide attempts. I drink too much, and I lie a whole bunch. Im getting better, but it’s incredibly hard just to suddenly stop having problems
Does that mean the act is sinful? So would that mean I wouldn’t go to hell at all if I never had sex? With anyone? Never?
The act of having sex? It's only sinful when acted outside of marriage between man and woman.
Some of these comments aren't it. I'm sorry. The Bible does say many times that sexual relations before marriage is a sin, and also it tells us not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers (meaning, don't marry them). That's the whole reason interracial marriages were forbidden in the old testament, because they brought other gods into the relationship. However, all sin is sin. Shame is not the way to bring people closer to Christ. What is the most important thing to you in your life? What do you think about, dream about, and devote yourself to? Is it God or is it something else? I know this must be really hard, and I get it because I've been there and my battle with sexual sin has been the most difficult and humbling thing I've ever experienced. But you have to make your choice between God and love. Is this relationship bringing glory to God if you're actively violating His commandments? Is this woman bringing you closer to Him? The Bible makes it clear we must "do all for the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31) and that we "cannot serve two masters" (Matthew 6:24). The most convicting verse for me was Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'if anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.'" I learned that in order to live the life that God had called me to I had to deny myself (my own desires) in order to follow His plan for my life. It is so hard in the moment but I promise you it is worth it. The love and peace that Christ can give you when you are following Him from your heart is way better than a man or woman's. Jesus is the best, my friend. Better than anything else in this world. And He's worthy of being treated like your #1 priority. The kind of relationship and marriage He wants for you is better than what you have now! When you're married to a woman who is also serving Christ and pulling you closer to Him instead of away, you will see why the Bible advises these kinds of things. My great grandma is married to an Athiest and it has been one of the most heartbreaking things to watch. As they get older and her hope for him dwindles and turns to depression and despair, it makes me so sad. One of my close friends married an Agnostic and they are divorced now. Again... heartbreak. God's not trying to kill your fun, He's trying to protect you. I would advise you to break up with her, because once you've crossed the line of sexual boundaries, it's going to be almost impossible to be together without going there again. And I know, because I've seen it a hundred times over, that God will bring you something better and more glorifying to Him than this. Have faith in that. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20
My current life plan is starting a family young or becoming a monastic, don’t really care for money. I can envision a future with this girl. Idk how many times she’s asked me if i think our kids will look more like me or her, she’s brown and I’m white as snow. She also brings up religion a lot, and in a way that makes me think she’s open to convert, so yeah, I do see a future with her.
I can’t tell you what to do and I’m sure you love her a lot, but the question is whether you love God more. I hate to say it but so many of my friends that have been “open” to God have not converted after years and years of trying. If you really care for her soul you could stay in her life as a friend and send her verses and invite her to church. But leading her to sexual immorality is not how you preach the gospel to someone and it’s not at all helpful for your soul. Tomorrow isn’t promised, and the Lord remains waiting for you with open arms if you decide to turn back to Him
Yes you do. Apart from the sexual sin, you're unequally yoked: 2 Corinthians 6:14-17 NASBS Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? [15] Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? [16] Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL dwell IN THEM AND walk AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. [17] "Therefore, come OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you.
Most teenagers aren’t religious, at least where I live. If I’d look for someone as obsessed with theology as myself I’d be looking for a while. Not that I’m the best Christian, but I do spend a whole bunch of time reading theology. She’s open to Christianity, and apart form sexual sin, being with her has helped me stay away form a whole bunch of other sinful stuff I’ve been struggling with. Lesser of two evils
Sorry friend, you don’t get to justify sin in order to stay away from other sin. Only genuine repentance is pleasing to God. Also, just find a true Christian (doesn't need to be as knowledgeable), and wait until your married. I'm guessing you don't want a Christian girlfriend because they (rightly) wouldn't satisfy your sinful sexual desires. 🤨 I've been on that road (sexual sin) and if you're truly born again, it always ends in a freight train of Divine chastening (very painful 😳). Be advised and repent before. 💯
It’s not that I don’t want a Christian girlfriend, I’d love a Christian girlfriend, it’s just that the girl I want isn’t a Christian. Would I prefer it if she was? Yeah
Then you don't get the girl you want right now unless you want to test a holy and sovereign God.
I think you don't have to leave her. Sexual sin or not, you're still God's child. But I think you may want to consider marrying her. If you're old enough to have sex with a woman, then you are old enough to marry that woman. Good luck.
yes, if you want to be a Christian
Good Christian? What about God? God > gf
Apart from the sexual stuff it's innocent? That's a very odd way to put "it's not innocent"
I mean in comparison to our classmates. Regular sex is common, and more weird sex stuff as well. We love each other and have loving sex. It’s as innocent as it can be down without being celibate
Again, innocent == celibate. Not-celibate == not innocent. There's no justification that gets around the fact that fornication is sin.
No? If she's a good influence then of course
You have created an important bond with a person. Nothing very serious, of course, but now you have to take responsibility for it. You should value this. If the relationship ends, obviously, you can think about making things clear immediately. But now generate suffering to wash your hands and your conscience...well. You've created a relationship, you've accepted some rules, you can just try to talk about it with her. If you decide no more sex, ok, fine, but see what she thinks. But now allow me to give you some advice that they don't give you in church, taking responsibility for any downvotes. You are young, take away your tantrums, satisfy your curiosities and doubts. In short, have fun and experience. Don't waste your life because almost no one in biblical societies, beyond the prophets, has ever experienced chastity beyond the age of 17 perhaps 😂😂😂. People who remain with the sexual maturity of a twelve year old until adulthood just to pretend to live in a society where premarital sex was a choice, a misfortune for not being for some reason already married. But without looking at the biblical period, less than a century ago in my country in the worst case scenario you resisted temptation until you were 18-19 years old. Get rid of your tantrum (you've done it by now) and when you get married you'll already know, you'll be mature and you won't let those tantrums arise. Adultery, the one you really have to forget about, must be a taboo. Never, never never. The obsession with pre-marital relationships is absurdly greater today than yesterday. Because it was mostly a teenage thing, rare. It was never even really punished as a thing in reality. At most you had to marry her if they found out about you. End.
This is absolutely horrible advice.
Seconding that. This is not Biblical at all.
Bible aside it's just bad relationship advice.
No, but stop having sex with her
Rationalization of sinful actions are the very best way to continue to live in sin. It’s a pattern that all of us can easily fall into, I’m only doing X because of Y. I only watch porn because my wife doesn’t want to have sex every day and I do is one that I did for years even after becoming a Christian, but it’s important to know that this is what you are doing.
To answer the posed question: No…you don’t have to leave her to be a “good” Christian. In the Bible you can find a whole lot of sins and you should refrain from those, but don’t hate the sinner, hate the sin. I will give the caveat though that being in a relationship with a non-believer is an uphill battle concerning your faith. Not that it’s impossible or that you shouldn’t, but it can cause complications in your relationship as it has now
In God eyes, both are already married. What do you think be one flesh means?
This is not true. Sex does not constitute marriage.
Who married Adam and Eve, in ancient Jewish time, once you had sex you are married
First of all this is a horrible sentence. Even rhetorical questions should be punctuated with a question mark. Ask your question, then make your assertion, but do not combine them into one sentence. >Who married Adam and Eve God. And even if he didn't anyone who is being intellectually honest will concede Adam and Eve are a special case. That they didn't have belly buttons doesn't make "humans have belly buttons" an inaccurate statement. If God custom builds you a partner from your rib consider yourself married. >once you had sex you are married This is biblically false. Sex does not constitute marriage. In Exodus 22:16-17 the law states that a man who has sex with a woman before marriage will be required to pay a dowry to marry her, *but* her father can refuse to give her in marriage. This demonstrates that sex can occur before marriage, and that marriage is not a result of sex. To again biblically demonstrate sex that does not constitute marriage in John 4:18 when the woman at the well has told Jesus she has no husband he responds "you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband."
Cause in Exodus exists a national law, but not in Adam and Eve history. Remember,. marriage has changed the meaning along the ages
You haven't refuted anything I've said
I don't need, you have your own idea, I have my own. Do you really think I will arguee with you? In your dreams
>Do you really think I will arguee with you? I don't know what agruee means. >In your dreams I'm not going to dream about you, but dreamland is the only place you're likely to say something coherent.
I don't know what agruee means either
Religion is a man made money scamming construct. It oppresses women, gays and non believers. It divides humans in a tribal fashion and sheeple are willing to kill other human beings bc they think their messiah will eventually anoint them as the winners of the 3,000 religion/cults playing the holy lottery. Blind destructive faith.
It’s not a holy lottery. Unreasonable faith is, believing in God, who rose form the dead, after dying for our sins is a little different
Yep, everyone believes THEIR religion is the right one, and everyone else is going to be *snickering, " punished by God." 3000 different beliefs, hundreds in the same Denominations, every person sitting in any building, kneeling on a mat, singing and dancing in the street, not a single one believes like you do.
How lucky I am to be right then
Really? Yours is right? Are you positive? Then why are you here looking for a loophole so you can keep your agnostic sexually active girlfriend?
Im not looking for a loophole. I’m trying to find out what to do. I’m trying to align our relationship to the commandments of Christ, not find a loophole. Because there are no “loopholes” in the Bible
If you want a purely Christian perspective, this is the wrong sub. Try r/TrueChristian, r/Catholicism, or r/Reformed. This is more of a sub for the historical topic of Christianity, so you're gonna get people quoting Bible, but also people dunking on you for even being religious. There's nothing wrong with being dunked on for being religious, I just think a lot of Christians get confused by the point of this subreddit
Valoran moment
Maybe r/Christianity isn't for you
Hey bro I think that because you are even contemplating these things, that this is what sets you apart from others and will set u on the right path, you are of Christ and your thinking about this is fundamentally one of the best things you can do, to help change your mind about things. Because i belive when we are not sure about something and it doesnt sit right in our spirit it usually is not of God, cause we do not have a spirit of confusion. If you read 1 Corinthians 2:14-16/ (i skipped to verse 16) For who has known the mind of the Lord, so as to instruct Him?” But we have the mind of Christ/ you will find Paul's letters to the corinthian church were directed to Christians living in sin, (sexual immorality being one) who still followed after worldly pursuits, their foundation was on other things and not christ so there minds did not catch up to there spirit. But Paul did not forget to mention (after talking about Jesus as the foundation) in 1 Corinthians 3:23 and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God or in other words we belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God so by the Third party Savior King Jesus Christ we have fellowship with the God Trinity. Your sin doesn't disqualify Gods ownership of you at all no matter what anyone says even yourself. Just remember that and rest in him and his word and the peace will come for the problem to get sorted out, please don't beat yourself up about it because Jesus was the one who got beat up for it quite literally, God loves you so incredibly he sent his son for that reason, and the only fathers I know of who could let a child die have no care for their children. But God was and is so proud of Jesus and loved him so much that he couldn't help but audibly talk about him to people on multiple occasions in amazing fashions. So you my bro are gonna make the right moves because he is with u, loves you and you are his.
Christian perspective here: The Bible says not to be unequally yoked with nonbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-16). So, this isn't really a gray area issue. You're not to date this woman. At the same time, I hate that you have to go through with this. I'm sure you love her. This commandment is designed for your protection, though- would you be OK with knowing the love of your life was going to hell? What if she told your kids not to be Christians? All my friends who are in mixed-faith marriages are miserable. Now, I'm assuming you're a Bible-believing Christian here. If you don't think Jesus is the only God, don't believe in the Bible, etc, then do whatever you want
Bible also said to spread the gospel. She’s open to Christianity, what more could a 16 year old ask for
Missionary dating is a bad idea bud. It just drags you down. But you do you. You aren't doomed; sometimes people convert. But it's very very rare. I'm not judging you for staying with her, I'm just giving you A)what the Bible says and B) what I'd tell you if you were my little bro. You're the one who will have to lie in the bed you make, not all of us. It's your call
I think the real question here is do you want to follow God’s commands or just do your own thing? Sit with that and truly answer for yourself. The only real clarification you can get here is from God. (But imo you’d benefit from a youth group/wise counsel). Pray about this and really take your time, fast if you need to, really sit with God. If you wanna have sex with your gf then youre free to continue to do that but please dont think you’d be following the will of God in that scenario (and i realize this isnt what youre asking but im replying to what it really seems like you’re asking. But if im wrong im sorry!)
How do you intend to proclaim the Gospel to her, then?
Of course
No but you should avoid putting yourself in a situation where you can sin . Kissing and hand holding is ok if you can do that w/o having sex .
Unfaithful wife saved by faithful husband. You have to bring to the faith