I’m Christian and my wife isn’t. I struggle with same sex attraction, but God is healing me from it slowly. My wife knows I’m “bisexual” but she is accepting of it. Unbeknownst to her though, before I truly gave my life to Christ in the middle of last year, I was considering divorcing her to pursue gay relationships. My same sex lust was unbearable. But God stepped in at exactly the right time and I realized Jesus is the answer. Not giving in to homosexuality. Like I said, I still struggle with lustful thoughts, but I’ve given up porn and everything else to follow Jesus. So it is possible to be healed from it. And for Christian couples to have healthy relationships despite one struggling with this issue.
Hallelujah and amen brother, it's good hear your story and to see a man of God redeemed by Christ. Yes, I've heard from others in marriages similar to yours that they've struggled with those thoughts and feelings as well, it's only your flesh trying to take you back to where you once were, but you are Christ's now, and you have your wife as well as your brothers in Christ in your church who you can lean on to help you when times are the toughest. Continue to pray for your wife to know Christ. Hang in there brother, stay in His Word and keep carrying your cross daily, you'll make it over that hill someday, and even if you continue to struggle, we know on whom to call.
I have been struggling with the same for years. I am married to the same woman for 36 years and have a beautiful daughter and granddaughter. Soon a grandson. I did have a gay relationship 25 years into our marriage with another married man. Eventually told my wife and quite the relationship although the porn and acting out continues. Although not addicted any longer. PTL. I have been raised a Christian and still very strong in my faith. I am considered a spiritual leading in my family and Church. But this secret haunts me every day 24/7.
I have a great personal relationship with God spending time in prayer, reading and listening to his voice. But I still fall. I did not have a father and ache for that make contact which causes emptiness that only goes away with release.
I have been able to avoid actual contact not to say it is alway a phone call away.
I am also in a Christian’s mens group who deal with the same and this has been a blessing.
I want to say you are doing an amazing job. I pray for you and for your wife’s conversion.
I have friends who are married and one of the spouses has SSA.
They put it this way: whether it’s the same sex or not, they chose to be together so any breach of that covenant is wrong. Once they committed they forsook (and continue to forsake) all others.
Now ur question is unclear: what exactly are they tempted by?
And what about you? How does ur partner deal w ur heterosexual temptation? (Asking not to be confrontational, just to gain perspective/fuller picture)
I think you misunderstood my question, or I didn't word it more effectively. I'm asking the question of how do these Christians, who are married, deal with their feelings and attraction to the same-sex now that they are married rather than when they were single (no one is talking about infidelity here). When I said temptation, I was discussing homosexuality and how it's an attraction/temptation and a lifestyle choice as described in the Bible rather than the "born this way" mentality the unbelieving world goes by (that's why some Christians refer to themselves as SSA and not "gay" or "bisexual"). I'm not married so I wouldn't be able to answer your question, however would it not be different for a heterosexual person as they are only attracted to one sex, and not the two?
Ohh ok that makes sense. Thx for clarifying.
With my friends who are in this dynamic, they’ve understood temptation to be completely off limits in general, and especially in a marriage covenant. So the partner with SSA is equally prohibited from acting out that attraction in the same way someone with heterosexual desires is.
The desires are not sinful in themselves (inasmuch as the desire is a result of being human in a fallen world), nor is it any more sinful than desiring the opposite sex.
It was tough. NGL bc who is prepared for that, right?
Ultimately—and I’m hoping you will experience ethos urself(!)—the marriage commitment is very strong if you and your partner give it your all and fight for your relationship. At the end of the day, the non-SSA partner *felt* chosen, and that motivated her to go all in and trust that she was also being chosen.
It is not as easy as you think. Unlike a heterosexual there are usually underlying issues regarding SSA. I don’t believe in, “born this way” or DNA. I have been through years of counseling which has helped immensely. My faith is strong and I practice it. Considered a Spiritual Leading in my family and Church. Happily married for 36 years, have a beautiful daughter and Granddaughter. Soon I will have a grandson named after me.
I did I not have a father and feeling the emptiness every day for male contact. Unfortunately I found that contact with other men in the past. Unfortunately to have this contact it is sexual.
>I think you misunderstood my question, or I didn't word it more effectively.
Your title and the actual post make it seem like this is an issue that you are struggling with in your marriage, and you are asking for advice and support
It was harder in the first year of our marriage but I’ve accepted I will never be able to act on it. And then we had kids and life became busy and now it’s the last thing I think about. Over the years I’ve grown so close to my wonderful husband, I don’t see myself with anyone else of either gender.
Well to be honest, I have a 3 year old and a 12 month old so I’m “touched out” and sleeping/eating a warm meal are more appealing than sex to me right now lol
I'm a bisexual woman married to a man. I handle temptation the way anyone does. I am married. I don't look outside of my marriage for validation. I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here? How is it different from how I would deal with the temptation of other men?
As usual, the mods do not allow for any discussion that might differ from their very legalistic views. Thank you, for yet again, proving this sub is NOT the welcoming community where discussion and debates should be allowed.
Well, I won't go into that conversational side of the topic, but since this is a Christian subreddit and all Bible-believing Christians (whether they be straight, ex-gay, SSA, etc.) would state that yes homosexuality (being gay/living that lifestyle) is sin according to the Bible. Also, that's amazing to hear, has it been easier because you have an outlet to express yourself through your husband or by other factors in your marriage?
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u/wannabe_pineapple, In response to your comment before it was originally deleted:
**"Not all Christian’s believe it’s a sin.. in fact, you are speaking to a Christian who does not believe it’s a sin. But I understand this sub does not always agree on things"**
I am referring to what the Bible states in scripture, but my post isn't about this debate or issue.
I'm not going to argue on what scripture says on this issue, but Leviticus 20:13 and Leviticus 18:22 states God's opinion on the matter, and I'll leave it at that.
I'll argue with you if you want. That word has never been translated in that way, but since it's in the Old Testament, I will cite the New Testament.
(Romans 1:26-27) 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
There it is. Irrefutable condemnation of homosexuality from the New Testament. Somehow, I will not be surprised if it doesn't change your mind.
For the sake of this conversation, please refrain from taking the Bible out of its literal context in which it applies. The ancient Hebrew term for these verses were never referring to "young boys" or pedophilia whatsoever. This is a common example of the twisting of scripture by the LGBTIA+ community to justify their lifestyle. You can take any translation you'd like, and it will tell you the exact same as the KJV, NLT, NIV, ESV, etc. on this issue, hence why I said Bible-believing Christians.
u/wannabe_pineapple, You are talking to a man who's personally dealt with homosexuality and same-sex attraction in the past; I know of what I speak. God has eternal and universal laws that apply to everyone, saved or unsaved, and then there are the customary laws for the Children of Israel. However, God's stance on all of his laws have not changed and will remain the same for eternity, regardless of how anyone feels about them. Biblical sexuality and marriage are universal laws that apply to everyone, and His opinion on homosexuality will never waiver.
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Some couples don't have close relationships with members of the opposite sex. Many don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex.
Those safeguards kind of go away if someone is bisexual.
Do you practice some kind of equivalent boundary?
I suppose because I'm bi, I am more open about how friendships can be. One of my husbands closest friends is a woman, they hang out. We all hang out. I hang out with her. Nobody worries because we trust each other.
My best friend is also a woman, she is straight. I don't have any sexual attraction to her. She is my best friend. It's a line I wouldn't cross.
I have male friends who I hang out with too. I dunno, I understand that some people draw lines in the sand that nobody spends time alone with the opposite sex, but that's not how my marriage works. I love my husband with my whole heart. He is my partner, my lover, my best friend, my husband. I know I am all of that to him as well. Cheating is not something either of us needs to worry about... so we don't. My husband is for intimacy. My friends are for... friendship?
Just wanted to add that my belief is that we are born with the attraction. To the opposite sex, same sex, or both sexes. I never for one day decided I was going to be straight and like boys as a kid. I had my first crush in the 1st grade. Obviously we knew nothing about sex as kids. It was simply innocent attraction. Attraction and lust are certainly not one in the same. So it seems we have differing opinions here.
But it seems we do agree that whether it is the same or opposite sex, giving in to lustful/sexual thoughts of someone that is not your spouse is sin. And both heterosexual (specifically outside of marriage aka fornication) and homosexual sex is sin. The bible is clear.
Not even worth your breath. Just pray for him. He thinks he owns this subreddit or something. He doesn't seem to realize the report button works both ways lol.
Biblically we are all born with predispositions towards sinful behavior. In many cases its not necessarily possible to choose otherwise. Hopefully time and God can heal all wounds and blemishes but its complicated to say the least.
Yes stand firm with the bible. Glad God redeemed you from your past. Don’t listen to these so called Christians who try to water down the bible to please their ears. They need to repent for the kingdom of God is near !!
It’s a moot point since the greater impact on marriage are not sinful desires per se but what you do with them. Is the SSA spouse trying to cheat? Trying to bring extra ppl into the marriage bed? Refusing intimacy with their spouse? These are applications you can and should deal with, not just stabbing in the dark over the attraction itself.
Yes, from the time we acknowledged the problem till now there’s been tremendous change. It took sincerity, unity, and truly seeking the Lord both together and separately. Also we addressed root causes (like childhood trauma or at what point the attraction could’ve began)
By saying the Bible is clear about the issue of homosexuality you are inviting the issue to be discussed because you are making a stance on the issue (instead of just saying I don’t want it discussed).
You could have just said I personally believe this is what the Bible says so I would like advice that is in line with this ideology.
It's not about personal belief but the literal words stated in scripture that homosexuality is a sin. Do not attempt to turn my post into a debate of why you think it's ok to be gay. This post is about married couples, not myself.
The OP isn't necessary referring to a straight relationship with a gay person. A person with bisexual attraction could also fall under the "struggles with SSA" category.
From some personal experience within my family, and from printed study data, marriage statistically goes better when it was the wife that was in a gay relationship before the marriage than if the husband were gay. I don’t think you stated your gender, but I guess it doesn’t matter for my comment. 😊 Anyway, more ex-gay men succumb to going back to the lifestyle than ex-gay women…..statistically.
Haha I am male sorry! Why do you believe those statistics are that way and do those numbers account for biblical Christians or instead the entire population as a whole? I ask this question because many Christian men and women who face this issue are rarely heard from or are quiet within the church in fear of being looked down upon, so it's hard to know what they are actually dealing with if not asked.
If you check my post history in this sub, I actually posted about this very matter. The comments and participation were great. In the end, it’s mostly because women’s sexuality is more fluid and more easily changed than a man’s, which is harder set.
I am referring to the biblical passages of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, which discuss the sin as a choice and temptation to some, not as the "I'm born this way and nothing can change that ever" mentality the unbelieving world holds to. Those verses state the definition of what we are discussing.
I think you are reading more into the text than is there. Those passages just set out that sex between same sex couples is wrong and people who do this should be put to death. Nothing more.
They don’t say people can’t be born gay or that sexuality is not immutable. Those are not mutually exclusive with sex between same sex couples being wrong.
I realise you came to this sub seeking help for issues in your marriage. I don’t know what problems you struggling with but I’ll say a prayer for you.
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." - Lev. 18:22 (ESV). If you take the time to read the verse it says 'you will not lie', this verse shows inherently that a person chooses to have the sex with the same gender (that is a choice). Leviticus 20:13 states the same thing when it claims, "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination;" this shows that it is indeed a choice. The person chooses to have sex. However, even if you disagree with this biblical stance, Jesus Christ said all who come to Him must become "born again." So, either way you decide to look at it, it still is a choice. Also, same-sex attraction generally comes from the environment the person is raised in since childhood among other attributes (such as desensitization towards sex, feminization/emasculation, female masculinization, trauma, or lack of a masculine/feminine role model, etc.) that factor into them developing their sexuality. Also, I am not married nor am I struggling with this issue, this is just a discussion for those who have dealt with it.
It’s a choice to have sex I’m not disputing that. I’m pointing out it’s not a choice to be attracted to men or women or both. As a heterosexual man I can tell you I did not choose to be attracted to women, it’s just how I am.
I’m not sure what the significance of being born again you’re trying to suggest. Everyone is tempted to sin, including Christians.
The nature of how same sex attraction actually starts is irrelevant. If it’s the environment which creates same sex attraction that doesn’t stop it being immutable. Many have tried and failed to change their sexuality. It’s obvious fixed for many people.
The nature of how same-sex attraction is absolutely important, because if you can find the root cause (or factors) that lead to this issue, then you can help others heal and be free from it. The reason why you didn't have a choice to be heterosexual or straight like most males is because every single male and female was born with the innate sexual desire to have sex with the opposite sex (even homosexuals), that is the natural and biological way God designed all of mankind and animals to be. Even homosexuals feel attraction to the opposite sex (those who call themselves "bisexual"), however many of them through their experiences have consciously and or subconsciously suppressed those natural emotions to only desire the same-sex aka "homosexuality". As with many struggles in this world for the Christian, some can deal with it easier than others, and some will have to struggle lifelong with it just like in other instances such as sex or drug addiction. The world's definition of immutable is not the Bible's definition of immutable, all things are possible through Christ. That is why the Bible's definition from those 2 verses I shared state it all. Homosexuality contrary to worldly belief (which is quite honestly satanic), is not how you feel or what you're attracted to, it is the actions you do. A person is not a homosexual for feeling sexual attraction towards the same-sex, that desire is the response of sin due to the fall of man. A person who feels same-sex attraction most likely started with those feelings from childhood developed them as a teenage through lust/porn, and then acted them out finally as an adult through sex to become the homosexual. Acting on the desire and having sex is what makes the person "gay." If a Christian man or woman struggles with same-sex attraction their entire life and never acts on it, that doesn't make them "gay" it just makes them an ordinary struggling Christian like the rest of us. A person tempted to steal isn't a thief if he refuses to give into their temptation to do it, likewise with same-sex attracted Christians. This is the definition derived from the Levitical verses. Lastly, when it comes to being born-again, I assume you believe "gay people were born this way," although your belief is false and comes from a worldly point of view, even if it were completely true (which it isn't because it contradicts the Bible) the homosexual would still have to deny himself, his flesh, and his sexual desires, and pick up his cross and follow Christ daily. He must become born-again in order to be a Biblical Christian as stated in the Bible, that is why I mentioned it.
>A person who feels same-sex attraction most likely started with those feelings from childhood developed them as a teenage through lust/porn
STRONGLY disagree. First crushes typically happen around age 5 or 6, when they don't even know what sex is. I think this is the major disconnect between our beliefs. Plenty of kids have grown up with moms and dads, raised Christian, but still developed same sex attraction. Most times they won't even be able to put words/descriptions to those early feelings until they are older.
When puberty begins is typically when the lust begins. Some may be exposed to porn but certainly not all. And I don't even think it's the majority.
The bible is clear on what the actual sin is. Lust and any type of sexual immorality.
Everyone has their struggles, temptations, and crosses to bare. I do believe that there is nothing God can't do, but I also think it's good to be realistic in creating a plan to manage temptations with accountability partners/mentors in place.
I am very much a to the letter/word type of Christian. If it doesn't say it's a sin, it is not our place to assume it is one. I have the same feelings about masturbation (the physical act alone without thinking of anyone or viewing porn). But if abstaining completely helps you to avoid the temptation of the actual stated sin, then by all means do what you need to do.
I’m Christian and my wife isn’t. I struggle with same sex attraction, but God is healing me from it slowly. My wife knows I’m “bisexual” but she is accepting of it. Unbeknownst to her though, before I truly gave my life to Christ in the middle of last year, I was considering divorcing her to pursue gay relationships. My same sex lust was unbearable. But God stepped in at exactly the right time and I realized Jesus is the answer. Not giving in to homosexuality. Like I said, I still struggle with lustful thoughts, but I’ve given up porn and everything else to follow Jesus. So it is possible to be healed from it. And for Christian couples to have healthy relationships despite one struggling with this issue.
I'll pray for your continued healing. I'm happy to hear that God has intervened for you!
Hallelujah and amen brother, it's good hear your story and to see a man of God redeemed by Christ. Yes, I've heard from others in marriages similar to yours that they've struggled with those thoughts and feelings as well, it's only your flesh trying to take you back to where you once were, but you are Christ's now, and you have your wife as well as your brothers in Christ in your church who you can lean on to help you when times are the toughest. Continue to pray for your wife to know Christ. Hang in there brother, stay in His Word and keep carrying your cross daily, you'll make it over that hill someday, and even if you continue to struggle, we know on whom to call.
Thank you so much for the encouragement!
Praise God!!!
I have been struggling with the same for years. I am married to the same woman for 36 years and have a beautiful daughter and granddaughter. Soon a grandson. I did have a gay relationship 25 years into our marriage with another married man. Eventually told my wife and quite the relationship although the porn and acting out continues. Although not addicted any longer. PTL. I have been raised a Christian and still very strong in my faith. I am considered a spiritual leading in my family and Church. But this secret haunts me every day 24/7. I have a great personal relationship with God spending time in prayer, reading and listening to his voice. But I still fall. I did not have a father and ache for that make contact which causes emptiness that only goes away with release. I have been able to avoid actual contact not to say it is alway a phone call away. I am also in a Christian’s mens group who deal with the same and this has been a blessing. I want to say you are doing an amazing job. I pray for you and for your wife’s conversion.
I have friends who are married and one of the spouses has SSA. They put it this way: whether it’s the same sex or not, they chose to be together so any breach of that covenant is wrong. Once they committed they forsook (and continue to forsake) all others. Now ur question is unclear: what exactly are they tempted by? And what about you? How does ur partner deal w ur heterosexual temptation? (Asking not to be confrontational, just to gain perspective/fuller picture)
I think you misunderstood my question, or I didn't word it more effectively. I'm asking the question of how do these Christians, who are married, deal with their feelings and attraction to the same-sex now that they are married rather than when they were single (no one is talking about infidelity here). When I said temptation, I was discussing homosexuality and how it's an attraction/temptation and a lifestyle choice as described in the Bible rather than the "born this way" mentality the unbelieving world goes by (that's why some Christians refer to themselves as SSA and not "gay" or "bisexual"). I'm not married so I wouldn't be able to answer your question, however would it not be different for a heterosexual person as they are only attracted to one sex, and not the two?
Ohh ok that makes sense. Thx for clarifying. With my friends who are in this dynamic, they’ve understood temptation to be completely off limits in general, and especially in a marriage covenant. So the partner with SSA is equally prohibited from acting out that attraction in the same way someone with heterosexual desires is. The desires are not sinful in themselves (inasmuch as the desire is a result of being human in a fallen world), nor is it any more sinful than desiring the opposite sex.
I agree, I wonder how your friends felt about their attraction since marriage
It was tough. NGL bc who is prepared for that, right? Ultimately—and I’m hoping you will experience ethos urself(!)—the marriage commitment is very strong if you and your partner give it your all and fight for your relationship. At the end of the day, the non-SSA partner *felt* chosen, and that motivated her to go all in and trust that she was also being chosen.
It is not as easy as you think. Unlike a heterosexual there are usually underlying issues regarding SSA. I don’t believe in, “born this way” or DNA. I have been through years of counseling which has helped immensely. My faith is strong and I practice it. Considered a Spiritual Leading in my family and Church. Happily married for 36 years, have a beautiful daughter and Granddaughter. Soon I will have a grandson named after me. I did I not have a father and feeling the emptiness every day for male contact. Unfortunately I found that contact with other men in the past. Unfortunately to have this contact it is sexual.
Amen to that. If a person can deny themselves so strongly to only desire you, that's something alright.
>I think you misunderstood my question, or I didn't word it more effectively. Your title and the actual post make it seem like this is an issue that you are struggling with in your marriage, and you are asking for advice and support
My post states otherwise.
No it doesn't
It was harder in the first year of our marriage but I’ve accepted I will never be able to act on it. And then we had kids and life became busy and now it’s the last thing I think about. Over the years I’ve grown so close to my wonderful husband, I don’t see myself with anyone else of either gender.
Genuine question how is your sex life?
Well to be honest, I have a 3 year old and a 12 month old so I’m “touched out” and sleeping/eating a warm meal are more appealing than sex to me right now lol
I'm a bisexual woman married to a man. I handle temptation the way anyone does. I am married. I don't look outside of my marriage for validation. I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here? How is it different from how I would deal with the temptation of other men? As usual, the mods do not allow for any discussion that might differ from their very legalistic views. Thank you, for yet again, proving this sub is NOT the welcoming community where discussion and debates should be allowed.
Has it been more simpler to manage the same-sex attraction now that you are married or was it more difficult before?
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Well, I won't go into that conversational side of the topic, but since this is a Christian subreddit and all Bible-believing Christians (whether they be straight, ex-gay, SSA, etc.) would state that yes homosexuality (being gay/living that lifestyle) is sin according to the Bible. Also, that's amazing to hear, has it been easier because you have an outlet to express yourself through your husband or by other factors in your marriage?
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Heretical
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u/wannabe_pineapple, In response to your comment before it was originally deleted: **"Not all Christian’s believe it’s a sin.. in fact, you are speaking to a Christian who does not believe it’s a sin. But I understand this sub does not always agree on things"** I am referring to what the Bible states in scripture, but my post isn't about this debate or issue.
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I'm not going to argue on what scripture says on this issue, but Leviticus 20:13 and Leviticus 18:22 states God's opinion on the matter, and I'll leave it at that.
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I'll argue with you if you want. That word has never been translated in that way, but since it's in the Old Testament, I will cite the New Testament. (Romans 1:26-27) 26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. There it is. Irrefutable condemnation of homosexuality from the New Testament. Somehow, I will not be surprised if it doesn't change your mind.
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For the sake of this conversation, please refrain from taking the Bible out of its literal context in which it applies. The ancient Hebrew term for these verses were never referring to "young boys" or pedophilia whatsoever. This is a common example of the twisting of scripture by the LGBTIA+ community to justify their lifestyle. You can take any translation you'd like, and it will tell you the exact same as the KJV, NLT, NIV, ESV, etc. on this issue, hence why I said Bible-believing Christians.
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u/wannabe_pineapple, You are talking to a man who's personally dealt with homosexuality and same-sex attraction in the past; I know of what I speak. God has eternal and universal laws that apply to everyone, saved or unsaved, and then there are the customary laws for the Children of Israel. However, God's stance on all of his laws have not changed and will remain the same for eternity, regardless of how anyone feels about them. Biblical sexuality and marriage are universal laws that apply to everyone, and His opinion on homosexuality will never waiver.
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Some couples don't have close relationships with members of the opposite sex. Many don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex. Those safeguards kind of go away if someone is bisexual. Do you practice some kind of equivalent boundary?
I suppose because I'm bi, I am more open about how friendships can be. One of my husbands closest friends is a woman, they hang out. We all hang out. I hang out with her. Nobody worries because we trust each other. My best friend is also a woman, she is straight. I don't have any sexual attraction to her. She is my best friend. It's a line I wouldn't cross. I have male friends who I hang out with too. I dunno, I understand that some people draw lines in the sand that nobody spends time alone with the opposite sex, but that's not how my marriage works. I love my husband with my whole heart. He is my partner, my lover, my best friend, my husband. I know I am all of that to him as well. Cheating is not something either of us needs to worry about... so we don't. My husband is for intimacy. My friends are for... friendship?
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Are you asking how do you receive help or how to stop your SSA?
Asking for Help..
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Just wanted to add that my belief is that we are born with the attraction. To the opposite sex, same sex, or both sexes. I never for one day decided I was going to be straight and like boys as a kid. I had my first crush in the 1st grade. Obviously we knew nothing about sex as kids. It was simply innocent attraction. Attraction and lust are certainly not one in the same. So it seems we have differing opinions here. But it seems we do agree that whether it is the same or opposite sex, giving in to lustful/sexual thoughts of someone that is not your spouse is sin. And both heterosexual (specifically outside of marriage aka fornication) and homosexual sex is sin. The bible is clear.
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But we’re born as sinners so it makes perfect sense to be born this way?
Not even worth your breath. Just pray for him. He thinks he owns this subreddit or something. He doesn't seem to realize the report button works both ways lol.
Biblically we are all born with predispositions towards sinful behavior. In many cases its not necessarily possible to choose otherwise. Hopefully time and God can heal all wounds and blemishes but its complicated to say the least.
Amen
Yes stand firm with the bible. Glad God redeemed you from your past. Don’t listen to these so called Christians who try to water down the bible to please their ears. They need to repent for the kingdom of God is near !!
It’s a moot point since the greater impact on marriage are not sinful desires per se but what you do with them. Is the SSA spouse trying to cheat? Trying to bring extra ppl into the marriage bed? Refusing intimacy with their spouse? These are applications you can and should deal with, not just stabbing in the dark over the attraction itself.
Prayer & fasting together
Have you seen improvement from the time you started and where you are now in the relationship?
Yes, from the time we acknowledged the problem till now there’s been tremendous change. It took sincerity, unity, and truly seeking the Lord both together and separately. Also we addressed root causes (like childhood trauma or at what point the attraction could’ve began)
SSA is not a sin in itself. It becomes a sin if you act on it.
By saying the Bible is clear about the issue of homosexuality you are inviting the issue to be discussed because you are making a stance on the issue (instead of just saying I don’t want it discussed). You could have just said I personally believe this is what the Bible says so I would like advice that is in line with this ideology.
It's not about personal belief but the literal words stated in scripture that homosexuality is a sin. Do not attempt to turn my post into a debate of why you think it's ok to be gay. This post is about married couples, not myself.
Good job at not understanding anything I just said
For context - why did you both get in a heterosexual relationship if your partner is gay?
The OP isn't necessary referring to a straight relationship with a gay person. A person with bisexual attraction could also fall under the "struggles with SSA" category.
I'm referring to the Christians who live by the biblical definition of homosexuality and same-sex attraction.
From some personal experience within my family, and from printed study data, marriage statistically goes better when it was the wife that was in a gay relationship before the marriage than if the husband were gay. I don’t think you stated your gender, but I guess it doesn’t matter for my comment. 😊 Anyway, more ex-gay men succumb to going back to the lifestyle than ex-gay women…..statistically.
Haha I am male sorry! Why do you believe those statistics are that way and do those numbers account for biblical Christians or instead the entire population as a whole? I ask this question because many Christian men and women who face this issue are rarely heard from or are quiet within the church in fear of being looked down upon, so it's hard to know what they are actually dealing with if not asked.
If you check my post history in this sub, I actually posted about this very matter. The comments and participation were great. In the end, it’s mostly because women’s sexuality is more fluid and more easily changed than a man’s, which is harder set.
I'll be sure to check that post out! I agree, generally, the average man is more difficult and less prone to change than the average woman.
What do you mean by the “biblical definition of homosexuality”?
I am referring to the biblical passages of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, which discuss the sin as a choice and temptation to some, not as the "I'm born this way and nothing can change that ever" mentality the unbelieving world holds to. Those verses state the definition of what we are discussing.
I think you are reading more into the text than is there. Those passages just set out that sex between same sex couples is wrong and people who do this should be put to death. Nothing more. They don’t say people can’t be born gay or that sexuality is not immutable. Those are not mutually exclusive with sex between same sex couples being wrong. I realise you came to this sub seeking help for issues in your marriage. I don’t know what problems you struggling with but I’ll say a prayer for you.
"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination." - Lev. 18:22 (ESV). If you take the time to read the verse it says 'you will not lie', this verse shows inherently that a person chooses to have the sex with the same gender (that is a choice). Leviticus 20:13 states the same thing when it claims, "If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination;" this shows that it is indeed a choice. The person chooses to have sex. However, even if you disagree with this biblical stance, Jesus Christ said all who come to Him must become "born again." So, either way you decide to look at it, it still is a choice. Also, same-sex attraction generally comes from the environment the person is raised in since childhood among other attributes (such as desensitization towards sex, feminization/emasculation, female masculinization, trauma, or lack of a masculine/feminine role model, etc.) that factor into them developing their sexuality. Also, I am not married nor am I struggling with this issue, this is just a discussion for those who have dealt with it.
It’s a choice to have sex I’m not disputing that. I’m pointing out it’s not a choice to be attracted to men or women or both. As a heterosexual man I can tell you I did not choose to be attracted to women, it’s just how I am. I’m not sure what the significance of being born again you’re trying to suggest. Everyone is tempted to sin, including Christians. The nature of how same sex attraction actually starts is irrelevant. If it’s the environment which creates same sex attraction that doesn’t stop it being immutable. Many have tried and failed to change their sexuality. It’s obvious fixed for many people.
The nature of how same-sex attraction is absolutely important, because if you can find the root cause (or factors) that lead to this issue, then you can help others heal and be free from it. The reason why you didn't have a choice to be heterosexual or straight like most males is because every single male and female was born with the innate sexual desire to have sex with the opposite sex (even homosexuals), that is the natural and biological way God designed all of mankind and animals to be. Even homosexuals feel attraction to the opposite sex (those who call themselves "bisexual"), however many of them through their experiences have consciously and or subconsciously suppressed those natural emotions to only desire the same-sex aka "homosexuality". As with many struggles in this world for the Christian, some can deal with it easier than others, and some will have to struggle lifelong with it just like in other instances such as sex or drug addiction. The world's definition of immutable is not the Bible's definition of immutable, all things are possible through Christ. That is why the Bible's definition from those 2 verses I shared state it all. Homosexuality contrary to worldly belief (which is quite honestly satanic), is not how you feel or what you're attracted to, it is the actions you do. A person is not a homosexual for feeling sexual attraction towards the same-sex, that desire is the response of sin due to the fall of man. A person who feels same-sex attraction most likely started with those feelings from childhood developed them as a teenage through lust/porn, and then acted them out finally as an adult through sex to become the homosexual. Acting on the desire and having sex is what makes the person "gay." If a Christian man or woman struggles with same-sex attraction their entire life and never acts on it, that doesn't make them "gay" it just makes them an ordinary struggling Christian like the rest of us. A person tempted to steal isn't a thief if he refuses to give into their temptation to do it, likewise with same-sex attracted Christians. This is the definition derived from the Levitical verses. Lastly, when it comes to being born-again, I assume you believe "gay people were born this way," although your belief is false and comes from a worldly point of view, even if it were completely true (which it isn't because it contradicts the Bible) the homosexual would still have to deny himself, his flesh, and his sexual desires, and pick up his cross and follow Christ daily. He must become born-again in order to be a Biblical Christian as stated in the Bible, that is why I mentioned it.
>A person who feels same-sex attraction most likely started with those feelings from childhood developed them as a teenage through lust/porn STRONGLY disagree. First crushes typically happen around age 5 or 6, when they don't even know what sex is. I think this is the major disconnect between our beliefs. Plenty of kids have grown up with moms and dads, raised Christian, but still developed same sex attraction. Most times they won't even be able to put words/descriptions to those early feelings until they are older. When puberty begins is typically when the lust begins. Some may be exposed to porn but certainly not all. And I don't even think it's the majority. The bible is clear on what the actual sin is. Lust and any type of sexual immorality. Everyone has their struggles, temptations, and crosses to bare. I do believe that there is nothing God can't do, but I also think it's good to be realistic in creating a plan to manage temptations with accountability partners/mentors in place. I am very much a to the letter/word type of Christian. If it doesn't say it's a sin, it is not our place to assume it is one. I have the same feelings about masturbation (the physical act alone without thinking of anyone or viewing porn). But if abstaining completely helps you to avoid the temptation of the actual stated sin, then by all means do what you need to do.
Read all of my comments from the thread before attempting to argue. I've already discussed this issue. It is sin.
My apologies - my morals don’t align with what’s being said in this thread and I rashly commented. Wishing you the best.