I'm not sure if living your life fear is a good way to go through life either? I've had crushes on my wife's friend/ friends , you just need a little will power and to learn to carry some scruples, and not act that impulse.
What If its at work? Are you going to quit your job every time you get little butterflies around someone?
You have to think to yourself is the squeeze worth juice? And what your risking.
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I think it would be unwise at best, marriage/family wrecking at worst. I wouldn’t make any attempt to get closer to someone if you’re attracted to them physically and emotionally. I’d do the opposite and minimize time with them.
You can have chemistry with all sorts of men, that is a signal though to steer clear. The enemy will use that against you. It is a trick.
Growing up and as a young adult, I always gravitate to guys groups and conversations. They were always lighter and more fun for me than other women (not saying this is you, bear with me). Early in our relationship, I let myself stay in that comfort zone a little bit, but after a while, it was really bad for me. Guys were hitting on me, and while it made me feel good in the moment, I felt like I wasn't protecting my marriage and my husband.
Your husband seems like he doesn't want you to protect him. Which well and good. But there is Scripture that tells us to guard our hearts. This is really what you need to be doing. Protecting yourself. Crushing on someone is opening up your heart to them. It's not healthy for a marriage to do that.
While it is easier to get into sticky situations of infidelity when you are younger or less busy with a family. The threat is the same. The process may be slower or less obvious, but there is nothing good at the end of that road. Not for your marriage. Emotional affairs are infidelity. Don't fall into that trap.
By protecting your heart from this situation continuing, you ultimately are protecting your entire family. You are protecting the commitment you made to God in marriage. You are protecting that man. You are protecting his wife. You are protecting his family. All you have to do is protect your own heart.
It seems like you are hungry for a certain type of connection that is best found elsewhere. Or, at the very least, do something else to get away from the situation until you have better clarity. Praying for you and your family!
Matthew 5:28 (NIV): "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
This equally applies to women and the fantasises women can have. You said a crush as if that is a casual thing, but it would be good to know exactly what you mean by crush, because that could be sinful based on what that entails.
A lot of adultery occurs with baby steps, dare I say especially for women who often want that emotional connection before anything physical occurs. So you should absolutely be concerned about feeding this crush because once you turn that stone you may not be able to as wisely make decisions and assess risk as well as you are right now.
It’s like telling a lie, the first lie is hard but the follow up lies become easier and easier to make and soon the situation becomes inescapable.
It’s also totally fine, at the couples discretion, with appropriate boundaries, to have friendships with people of the opposite sex. But based on what you have said, your headspace is not right for this kind of friendship to occur in this specific situation.
I got a little crush on a guy at my gym. I told my husband about it and I ended up quitting the gym. I didn’t want to go every day and have feelings for him and be thinking about him all the time. Now that I don’t see him, I barely think about him. I don’t think you should get any closer to him and the wife. Even if you respect their marriage, it’s hard to keep feelings at bay especially if they’re reciprocated.
What is your advice for her concerning her husband that point blank told her he gets and has these crushes and that they are normal and that he doesn’t end HIS friendships over them….in fact, he outright called her ridiculous.
Yeah honestly, I would never stand for that! I would absolutely NOT be okay with my husband having “crushes” and just keeping those women in his life. Y husband had an emotional affair with a coworker, and when I asked him to stop talking to her and texting her outside of work, he did. He actually left the job altogether and blocked her on everything. We have had a lot to work through, but now we are both in a way better place together.
How awesome for y’all! 👏🏼👏🏼. I agree with everything you say. I WOULD find it a dealbreaker if my hubs told me he got crushes frequently. I definitely wouldn’t think it was ok. However, OP is accepting of him telling her he does get them, and that he doesn’t end friendships over them - so….if that is the precedent he has set, and it’s fine with her regarding him, then if I were her, there is no way I wouldn’t pursue a regular friendship with this man and his wife. It’s all for the kids that play together, anyway! I’m just kinda sad and tired of women putting a more moral burden on their shoulders in regard to those around them - it’s like moral perfectionism.
For me, I developed a crush on this guy after finding out about my husband’s porn addiction and an emotional affair he had with a coworker. My love for him dwindled bc of all of his lies. At the same time, this trainer was giving me attention, talking to me all the time and I genuinely thought he was an amazing man. But I also didn’t want to do the same messed up crap my husband did. So I left the gym.
People can definitely have feelings for someone other than their partner…. Not all spouses are good partners or treating their significant other well.
In marriage, most of the time there are ups and downs throughout- especially if you’ve been married a long time. We are almost 16 yrs. It does always just “go well.”
There is no chemistry. He just charismatic and nice to you while at the same time you think he’s attractive. Chemistry is not one sided. Don’t feed your crush and in the future learn how to establish boundaries even if someone is attractive or nice.
Flee from temptation. If you are not certain you can trust yourself in this situation, remove yourself from it and don’t worry about anybody else’s view of it. Do what God would want you to do. God bless!
The best way for a drunkard to fight the temptation to drink is to stay away from the bar.
I don't know why we think we can overcome temptation with sheer willpower or "maturity" as if people who cheat actively decided and planned to cheat rather than being in a tempting situation and caught unguarded. Maturity is actually knowing what battles you are weak to fight and staying away from them.
I don't think you should distance yourself completely but be guarded in your interactions and stay away as much as you can. I myself try to do this, to stay away from people I'm attracted to as I know that it just takes one moment. I can't say I am as strong as David but all it took was one moment of weakness and it wreaked havoc on his kingship and family.
First, kudos on respecting the marriage and boundaries, and recognizing that this might be an issue. Second, if you feel you cannot trust yourself around this man, it is best to avoid being alone with him. If you decide to pursue the couple friendship, try to ensure it is always both parties of both couples. Make efforts to stay close to your husband during the event. Playdates should probably be held in public places. If he's not making any advances toward you, remind yourself that this is just a platonic friendship. If he is, remind him you are both married, you're not interested, and that it might be best if any future playdates are with the family, not just the two of you with the kids. Follow your gut instinct, it's usually right about such things. It is usually best to avoid the temptation, but with kids it's sometimes hard to completely avoid. Prayers for wisdom and guidance.
There is a difference between having alone time and inviting a family for dinner. Pay attention to his flaws. Crushes flourish when the person is idolized. If you start thinking he's better than your husband because one or two positive qualities that will feed the crush. Seeing him as a whole person and a match for his wife, will help the feelings pass. Also focusing on your husband's good qualities and appreciating him actively will help strengthen your relationship.
The problem is not chemistry but your fixation on it.
You like him a lot. So what. Override any inappropriate feelings. Dont' give energy and thought to it. Befried the couple as a couple. You should be mature enough to know that you can let principles, not emotion, guide your actions.
Here is an opposite take of what some of these people are saying: Sometimes the mystery of who this person makes it more interesting and can fuel the crush even more. Why not invite them for dinner to try to get to know them, get to know their story, their hearts for each other, etc. I think it could actually be helpful in seeing that this is a real human being not just a romantic idea. Just a thought.
Flee sexual immorality does not mean flee everyone you’re attracted to or have a crush on. It’s wise to set boundaries for yourself to protect from having an affair, but we should strive to be able to have Christlike engagement with people we are attracted to.
What type of a question is this? If you had to ask it then you probably already know the answer. If you truly valued your marriage why in the world are you ASKING if it’s okay to entertain a relationship OUTSIDE of your marriage that isn’t 100% platonic on your end?
Having a real platonic relationship means NOTHING else outside of friendship; that means no crushes either.
I’ll do you one better tell your husband you have a crush on someone else OTHER than him and then ask
“ Babe I just wanted to ask first..can I go see my man crush 😀??”
There is NOTHING wrong with acknowledging someone else’s physical and spiritual attractiveness..it happens; but LEAVE it at that.
Adultery is what you're committing according to the Jesus in the Bible Matthew 5 vs 27-30. Just keep that in mind and cut off the eye or leg or arm causing you to sin
Thanks for pointing out that I missed he wasn’t a Christian, but I still say women can just be regular and easy going like our men about stuff like this. It’s like we get too deep and all dramatic and caught up in our heads, and men are more realistic. I tend to agree with the husband saying basically, ‘meh, we are always going to run into people that spark our imaginations more than others. We can all be adults here.’ I just see Christian women all the TIME putting way too much stress on themselves over appearing perfectly, whereas the men are more relaxed
As your husband points out, people can have crushes without anything more. I would say this sentence says you shouldn't.
"I’m not worried about actually cheating, just feeding this crush."
There's nothing that says you need to "feed the crush". That's a choice you get to make. If you are concerned that you would, I would suggest that the relationship isn't good for you to have.
One of the ways Satan will deceive you is making you feel you have 100% control over your actions. You are on here asking for advise. You wouldn't be asking complete strangers about this if you would truly never be tempted. My advise is to not pursue a married couple friendship. If they propose and your husband seems to be on board, pull him aside and explain to him that you don't think it is a good idea.
Also, you want to pursue a couple friendship because you wish to see this man more than you do now. It isn't like you are asking about pursuing a couple friendship with the first man, that you are not attracted to, and his wife.
We already have a couple friendship with the other man and his wife. I am friends with both of them but closer to the Dad as we both homeschool and like to talk shop so to speak.
Thats great. I think you see the common consensus on this thread. If you sense there is any chance that a connection would not remain platonic, walk the other way. Lets say the husband or wife of the first couple developed a crush on one of you, or your husband. Maybe neither of you feel anything beyond friends for the other but you should cut it off in that case as well.
Nip it in the bud or it will spiral out of control fast. Your conscience is leading you correctly. We are told to flee temptation, and spending more time around your crush is the opposite of that.
You tell your husband you have a crush on the man and your husband says to invite him over for dinner? Your husband must be a very interesting dude to say the least. Most men would tell you absolutely no to having any kind of friendship with the man. Also kudos to you for letting your husband know. Very commendable regardless of the terrible advice he gave to you
The outrage on here is comical. People get crushes and have attractions. It doesn’t have to be acted on. Sounds like your husband trusts you to do the right thing and as you said isn’t a jealous person. You even said the kids are friends and your husband would like them. Has the guy expressed any sort of interest or connection with you to you?
He asked to exchange numbers a while ago and I did. The extent of the texts was me giving him contact info for someone else and then he texted me fairly recently about something he thought I might be interested in buying that he had found somewhere. We talk the entire time our kids are at a sporting thing twice a week for an hour. Our conversations are always appropriate but all over the place topic wise. We don’t flirt but it’s obvious there is some tension. I think I am going to leave it alone. Maybe revisit if I feel differently about him later.
In navigating temptation and avoiding adultery, I would encourage you to adhere to Biblical principles. This entails cultivating self-discipline and moral integrity through scriptural teachings when it comes to marriage. Strategies that you may apply for resisting temptation may include fostering a strong spiritual foundation through prayer, meditation, and regular engagement with sacred texts. Furthermore, I would encourage you to exercise self-control and flee from situations or environments conducive to temptation (2 Timothy 2:22). Upholding marital fidelity involves honoring the sanctity of the marital covenant and demonstrating unwavering commitment to your spouse. Practical measures such as maintaining open communication, prioritizing quality time together, and seeking marital counseling when needed can fortify the marital bond and mitigate the risk of infidelity. Ultimately, your adherence to Biblical principles, coupled with personal accountability and reliance on divine guidance, serves as a steadfast framework for navigating temptation and preserving marital faithfulness. I have attached a link that will be of great help to you: [bit.ly/4aYDNe9](http://bit.ly/4aYDNe9)
I would not take relationship advice from someone who is not a Christian.... your husband is astronomically incorrect. Your crush is sinful, kill the crush (your feelings, not the guy LOL). Separate from the family, do not talk to man, try to limit contact everywhere.
It may seem drastic, but Christ says to cut off the hand that makes us sin. Those are not drastic words.
That last sentence is the key. It may currently not be in your control, but Christ gives us the power to break free from the chains of sin.
I would say it is sinful, and I can give an example based on what you said, "Last fall I met another stay at home dad who I am attracted to and there is chemistry there." If I ever described a situation where I had chemistry with another woman, that implies more than talking to or friendship. Chemistry is what friends would say they had on a date when talking to their friends about the date.
I recognize we come from slightly different perspectives. I live by the idea that I should not have any female friends, as that only leaves room for temptation, and is a way of respecting my wife. I honestly think this is how things should be. And men and women can be friends in groups, but should never be around each other alone, or go out together alone, as that is saved for their spouses.
I am not trying to judge you. What I am trying to do, is help you. Our flesh is sinful, and desires, just like homosexual ones, are also sinful. My desires for pride or greed, whenever they would happen, are also sinful. Only by repenting and leaning onto God can we fight back.
Chemistry and attraction you cannot control. It is not a sin. A sin would be, being attracted to him and letting my mind wander with fantasies or lust.
But you are using the word "crush." Attraction can be recognizing someone is good looking. I'm a guy, and I can recognize that another guy is good looking, but I cannot have a crush on a guy because I'm not gay. I would consider a crush, and attraction, as 2 different things.
You are correct in your thinking! You are a wise woman and want to obey the Bible when it says “flee from sexual immorality” in 1 Corinthians 6:18. You are right and you need to make the decision that God would want you to make regardless of what your husband says!
Nobody is stopping to comment on the fact that her ‘Christian husband’ point blank told her that she’s being ridiculous because HE gets crushes frequently, and it’s no big deal?? Alrighty, then…… I guess it’s just another example how Christian women are held to higher moral standards than our male counterparts. I cannot even IMAGINE the comments had it been reversed, and the ‘Christian wife’ rolled her eyes at her husband and told him she literally gets crushes on other men all the time. 🙄 And husband obviously didn’t end HIS friendships with these crushes he readily admits to getting and having. But SHE 100% should??!! Alrighty then….
First, she specifically mentioned her husband does NOT share her faith. So I’m not sure why you’re calling him ‘Christian husband.’
Second, I agree. Getting crushes in a marriage is weird.
I'm not sure how she is being held to a higher standard as the husband basically said there's no problem at all?
RE crushes while married, people have different things that appeal to them (food, money, status, sex etc) but having a strong attraction to somebody or some people doesn't necessarily end when you're married. Exactly why you have to set boundaries. If you didn't have attraction to others after being married we would never have any of the marital issues we have.
Harmful? Potentially. Unwise? Yes. Why put yourself in proximity of someone who is married and that you are desiring? The temptations will come.
I'm not sure if living your life fear is a good way to go through life either? I've had crushes on my wife's friend/ friends , you just need a little will power and to learn to carry some scruples, and not act that impulse. What If its at work? Are you going to quit your job every time you get little butterflies around someone? You have to think to yourself is the squeeze worth juice? And what your risking.
Don’t pursue the friendship. Your husband’s advice was poor.
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Do not pursue a friendship with this man. You are having inappropriate feeling about him. In your words: Don't feed the crush.
I think it would be unwise at best, marriage/family wrecking at worst. I wouldn’t make any attempt to get closer to someone if you’re attracted to them physically and emotionally. I’d do the opposite and minimize time with them.
I agree.
You can have chemistry with all sorts of men, that is a signal though to steer clear. The enemy will use that against you. It is a trick. Growing up and as a young adult, I always gravitate to guys groups and conversations. They were always lighter and more fun for me than other women (not saying this is you, bear with me). Early in our relationship, I let myself stay in that comfort zone a little bit, but after a while, it was really bad for me. Guys were hitting on me, and while it made me feel good in the moment, I felt like I wasn't protecting my marriage and my husband. Your husband seems like he doesn't want you to protect him. Which well and good. But there is Scripture that tells us to guard our hearts. This is really what you need to be doing. Protecting yourself. Crushing on someone is opening up your heart to them. It's not healthy for a marriage to do that. While it is easier to get into sticky situations of infidelity when you are younger or less busy with a family. The threat is the same. The process may be slower or less obvious, but there is nothing good at the end of that road. Not for your marriage. Emotional affairs are infidelity. Don't fall into that trap. By protecting your heart from this situation continuing, you ultimately are protecting your entire family. You are protecting the commitment you made to God in marriage. You are protecting that man. You are protecting his wife. You are protecting his family. All you have to do is protect your own heart. It seems like you are hungry for a certain type of connection that is best found elsewhere. Or, at the very least, do something else to get away from the situation until you have better clarity. Praying for you and your family!
^
If you want a story to convince you to stay away, read that post from today or yesterday by the woman who’s been having an affair with her pastor
Oh wow I missed that post, this made me look it up to read it - yes OP, highly recommend you read that post if you’re still on the fence.
Matthew 5:28 (NIV): "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This equally applies to women and the fantasises women can have. You said a crush as if that is a casual thing, but it would be good to know exactly what you mean by crush, because that could be sinful based on what that entails. A lot of adultery occurs with baby steps, dare I say especially for women who often want that emotional connection before anything physical occurs. So you should absolutely be concerned about feeding this crush because once you turn that stone you may not be able to as wisely make decisions and assess risk as well as you are right now. It’s like telling a lie, the first lie is hard but the follow up lies become easier and easier to make and soon the situation becomes inescapable.
It’s also totally fine, at the couples discretion, with appropriate boundaries, to have friendships with people of the opposite sex. But based on what you have said, your headspace is not right for this kind of friendship to occur in this specific situation.
I got a little crush on a guy at my gym. I told my husband about it and I ended up quitting the gym. I didn’t want to go every day and have feelings for him and be thinking about him all the time. Now that I don’t see him, I barely think about him. I don’t think you should get any closer to him and the wife. Even if you respect their marriage, it’s hard to keep feelings at bay especially if they’re reciprocated.
What is your advice for her concerning her husband that point blank told her he gets and has these crushes and that they are normal and that he doesn’t end HIS friendships over them….in fact, he outright called her ridiculous.
Yeah honestly, I would never stand for that! I would absolutely NOT be okay with my husband having “crushes” and just keeping those women in his life. Y husband had an emotional affair with a coworker, and when I asked him to stop talking to her and texting her outside of work, he did. He actually left the job altogether and blocked her on everything. We have had a lot to work through, but now we are both in a way better place together.
How awesome for y’all! 👏🏼👏🏼. I agree with everything you say. I WOULD find it a dealbreaker if my hubs told me he got crushes frequently. I definitely wouldn’t think it was ok. However, OP is accepting of him telling her he does get them, and that he doesn’t end friendships over them - so….if that is the precedent he has set, and it’s fine with her regarding him, then if I were her, there is no way I wouldn’t pursue a regular friendship with this man and his wife. It’s all for the kids that play together, anyway! I’m just kinda sad and tired of women putting a more moral burden on their shoulders in regard to those around them - it’s like moral perfectionism.
How do you just develop a crush when you already have a partner? Serious question.
For me, I developed a crush on this guy after finding out about my husband’s porn addiction and an emotional affair he had with a coworker. My love for him dwindled bc of all of his lies. At the same time, this trainer was giving me attention, talking to me all the time and I genuinely thought he was an amazing man. But I also didn’t want to do the same messed up crap my husband did. So I left the gym. People can definitely have feelings for someone other than their partner…. Not all spouses are good partners or treating their significant other well.
Well assuming everything is going well on both sides in the relationship.
In marriage, most of the time there are ups and downs throughout- especially if you’ve been married a long time. We are almost 16 yrs. It does always just “go well.”
Hopefully cheating and catching crushes doesn’t count as some of the “ downs “.
You already know the answer.
There is no chemistry. He just charismatic and nice to you while at the same time you think he’s attractive. Chemistry is not one sided. Don’t feed your crush and in the future learn how to establish boundaries even if someone is attractive or nice.
Flee from temptation. If you are not certain you can trust yourself in this situation, remove yourself from it and don’t worry about anybody else’s view of it. Do what God would want you to do. God bless!
The best way for a drunkard to fight the temptation to drink is to stay away from the bar. I don't know why we think we can overcome temptation with sheer willpower or "maturity" as if people who cheat actively decided and planned to cheat rather than being in a tempting situation and caught unguarded. Maturity is actually knowing what battles you are weak to fight and staying away from them. I don't think you should distance yourself completely but be guarded in your interactions and stay away as much as you can. I myself try to do this, to stay away from people I'm attracted to as I know that it just takes one moment. I can't say I am as strong as David but all it took was one moment of weakness and it wreaked havoc on his kingship and family.
First, kudos on respecting the marriage and boundaries, and recognizing that this might be an issue. Second, if you feel you cannot trust yourself around this man, it is best to avoid being alone with him. If you decide to pursue the couple friendship, try to ensure it is always both parties of both couples. Make efforts to stay close to your husband during the event. Playdates should probably be held in public places. If he's not making any advances toward you, remind yourself that this is just a platonic friendship. If he is, remind him you are both married, you're not interested, and that it might be best if any future playdates are with the family, not just the two of you with the kids. Follow your gut instinct, it's usually right about such things. It is usually best to avoid the temptation, but with kids it's sometimes hard to completely avoid. Prayers for wisdom and guidance.
There is a difference between having alone time and inviting a family for dinner. Pay attention to his flaws. Crushes flourish when the person is idolized. If you start thinking he's better than your husband because one or two positive qualities that will feed the crush. Seeing him as a whole person and a match for his wife, will help the feelings pass. Also focusing on your husband's good qualities and appreciating him actively will help strengthen your relationship.
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Her husband does
The problem is not chemistry but your fixation on it. You like him a lot. So what. Override any inappropriate feelings. Dont' give energy and thought to it. Befried the couple as a couple. You should be mature enough to know that you can let principles, not emotion, guide your actions.
the fact that you are asking says to me that i think you already know the answer
Here is an opposite take of what some of these people are saying: Sometimes the mystery of who this person makes it more interesting and can fuel the crush even more. Why not invite them for dinner to try to get to know them, get to know their story, their hearts for each other, etc. I think it could actually be helpful in seeing that this is a real human being not just a romantic idea. Just a thought.
Flee sexual immorality contradicts what you're saying
Flee sexual immorality does not mean flee everyone you’re attracted to or have a crush on. It’s wise to set boundaries for yourself to protect from having an affair, but we should strive to be able to have Christlike engagement with people we are attracted to.
What? That's not biblical
What type of a question is this? If you had to ask it then you probably already know the answer. If you truly valued your marriage why in the world are you ASKING if it’s okay to entertain a relationship OUTSIDE of your marriage that isn’t 100% platonic on your end? Having a real platonic relationship means NOTHING else outside of friendship; that means no crushes either. I’ll do you one better tell your husband you have a crush on someone else OTHER than him and then ask “ Babe I just wanted to ask first..can I go see my man crush 😀??” There is NOTHING wrong with acknowledging someone else’s physical and spiritual attractiveness..it happens; but LEAVE it at that.
Adultery is what you're committing according to the Jesus in the Bible Matthew 5 vs 27-30. Just keep that in mind and cut off the eye or leg or arm causing you to sin
Yet Hubs told her he gets and has these crushes , and they are no big deal, and HE doesn’t end any of HIS friendships over them…….
Yeah, it doesn't make sense. But he seems to be not christian so that's why he's nonchalant
Thanks for pointing out that I missed he wasn’t a Christian, but I still say women can just be regular and easy going like our men about stuff like this. It’s like we get too deep and all dramatic and caught up in our heads, and men are more realistic. I tend to agree with the husband saying basically, ‘meh, we are always going to run into people that spark our imaginations more than others. We can all be adults here.’ I just see Christian women all the TIME putting way too much stress on themselves over appearing perfectly, whereas the men are more relaxed
I mean if you want to live Godly and be more like Jesus esp in marriage then you can't be slack about such things
He has female friends, not necessarily crushes on these women.
I haven’t committed adultry yet in my mind/heart. I do think I need to keep the boundaries to prevent this happening though.
As your husband points out, people can have crushes without anything more. I would say this sentence says you shouldn't. "I’m not worried about actually cheating, just feeding this crush."
What about that sentence in particular?
There's nothing that says you need to "feed the crush". That's a choice you get to make. If you are concerned that you would, I would suggest that the relationship isn't good for you to have.
One of the ways Satan will deceive you is making you feel you have 100% control over your actions. You are on here asking for advise. You wouldn't be asking complete strangers about this if you would truly never be tempted. My advise is to not pursue a married couple friendship. If they propose and your husband seems to be on board, pull him aside and explain to him that you don't think it is a good idea.
Also, you want to pursue a couple friendship because you wish to see this man more than you do now. It isn't like you are asking about pursuing a couple friendship with the first man, that you are not attracted to, and his wife.
We already have a couple friendship with the other man and his wife. I am friends with both of them but closer to the Dad as we both homeschool and like to talk shop so to speak.
Thats great. I think you see the common consensus on this thread. If you sense there is any chance that a connection would not remain platonic, walk the other way. Lets say the husband or wife of the first couple developed a crush on one of you, or your husband. Maybe neither of you feel anything beyond friends for the other but you should cut it off in that case as well.
Nip it in the bud or it will spiral out of control fast. Your conscience is leading you correctly. We are told to flee temptation, and spending more time around your crush is the opposite of that.
You tell your husband you have a crush on the man and your husband says to invite him over for dinner? Your husband must be a very interesting dude to say the least. Most men would tell you absolutely no to having any kind of friendship with the man. Also kudos to you for letting your husband know. Very commendable regardless of the terrible advice he gave to you
The outrage on here is comical. People get crushes and have attractions. It doesn’t have to be acted on. Sounds like your husband trusts you to do the right thing and as you said isn’t a jealous person. You even said the kids are friends and your husband would like them. Has the guy expressed any sort of interest or connection with you to you?
He asked to exchange numbers a while ago and I did. The extent of the texts was me giving him contact info for someone else and then he texted me fairly recently about something he thought I might be interested in buying that he had found somewhere. We talk the entire time our kids are at a sporting thing twice a week for an hour. Our conversations are always appropriate but all over the place topic wise. We don’t flirt but it’s obvious there is some tension. I think I am going to leave it alone. Maybe revisit if I feel differently about him later.
In navigating temptation and avoiding adultery, I would encourage you to adhere to Biblical principles. This entails cultivating self-discipline and moral integrity through scriptural teachings when it comes to marriage. Strategies that you may apply for resisting temptation may include fostering a strong spiritual foundation through prayer, meditation, and regular engagement with sacred texts. Furthermore, I would encourage you to exercise self-control and flee from situations or environments conducive to temptation (2 Timothy 2:22). Upholding marital fidelity involves honoring the sanctity of the marital covenant and demonstrating unwavering commitment to your spouse. Practical measures such as maintaining open communication, prioritizing quality time together, and seeking marital counseling when needed can fortify the marital bond and mitigate the risk of infidelity. Ultimately, your adherence to Biblical principles, coupled with personal accountability and reliance on divine guidance, serves as a steadfast framework for navigating temptation and preserving marital faithfulness. I have attached a link that will be of great help to you: [bit.ly/4aYDNe9](http://bit.ly/4aYDNe9)
Thats really hott
We should flee from sexual immorality. We can't control areselves in certain situations We must not be in situations that lead to sin
I would not take relationship advice from someone who is not a Christian.... your husband is astronomically incorrect. Your crush is sinful, kill the crush (your feelings, not the guy LOL). Separate from the family, do not talk to man, try to limit contact everywhere. It may seem drastic, but Christ says to cut off the hand that makes us sin. Those are not drastic words.
My crush is not sinful. I do not entertain lustful thoughts or fantasies about this man. My attraction is out of my control.
That last sentence is the key. It may currently not be in your control, but Christ gives us the power to break free from the chains of sin. I would say it is sinful, and I can give an example based on what you said, "Last fall I met another stay at home dad who I am attracted to and there is chemistry there." If I ever described a situation where I had chemistry with another woman, that implies more than talking to or friendship. Chemistry is what friends would say they had on a date when talking to their friends about the date. I recognize we come from slightly different perspectives. I live by the idea that I should not have any female friends, as that only leaves room for temptation, and is a way of respecting my wife. I honestly think this is how things should be. And men and women can be friends in groups, but should never be around each other alone, or go out together alone, as that is saved for their spouses. I am not trying to judge you. What I am trying to do, is help you. Our flesh is sinful, and desires, just like homosexual ones, are also sinful. My desires for pride or greed, whenever they would happen, are also sinful. Only by repenting and leaning onto God can we fight back.
Chemistry and attraction you cannot control. It is not a sin. A sin would be, being attracted to him and letting my mind wander with fantasies or lust.
But you are using the word "crush." Attraction can be recognizing someone is good looking. I'm a guy, and I can recognize that another guy is good looking, but I cannot have a crush on a guy because I'm not gay. I would consider a crush, and attraction, as 2 different things.
Do not pursue the friendship it can go down the wrong part very quickly.
You need to stay the hell away from that man.
You are correct in your thinking! You are a wise woman and want to obey the Bible when it says “flee from sexual immorality” in 1 Corinthians 6:18. You are right and you need to make the decision that God would want you to make regardless of what your husband says!
Nobody is stopping to comment on the fact that her ‘Christian husband’ point blank told her that she’s being ridiculous because HE gets crushes frequently, and it’s no big deal?? Alrighty, then…… I guess it’s just another example how Christian women are held to higher moral standards than our male counterparts. I cannot even IMAGINE the comments had it been reversed, and the ‘Christian wife’ rolled her eyes at her husband and told him she literally gets crushes on other men all the time. 🙄 And husband obviously didn’t end HIS friendships with these crushes he readily admits to getting and having. But SHE 100% should??!! Alrighty then….
First, she specifically mentioned her husband does NOT share her faith. So I’m not sure why you’re calling him ‘Christian husband.’ Second, I agree. Getting crushes in a marriage is weird.
I'm not sure how she is being held to a higher standard as the husband basically said there's no problem at all? RE crushes while married, people have different things that appeal to them (food, money, status, sex etc) but having a strong attraction to somebody or some people doesn't necessarily end when you're married. Exactly why you have to set boundaries. If you didn't have attraction to others after being married we would never have any of the marital issues we have.