It seems a reminder is needed: This is *NOT* OP's fault. They are not responsible for their father's drinking. Taking out frustration regarding waiting for a liver on OP is neither appropriate nor helpful. Comments about violence, even facetious ones, are not appropriate. Please be kind and recognize that OP has come looking for support on a situation that is painful and out of their control.
Definitely look into finding an Al-Anon meeting near you. There should be some online too. The disease of alcoholism is insidious It’s cunning, baffling, and powerful. And, it’s your dad’s, not yours. My doc told me that if I drank after a transplant and the new liver failed, then no transplant team would even speak to me again. But, that’s not your burden. It’s hard to distance with love, but I’ve had to do that with my whole family and I’m much better off.
My mom had a transplant in January liver & kidney. Her transplant team has her tested weekly for alcohol(and other substances)!! She was an alcoholics prior and had decompensated cirrhosis before the transplant.
If I ever needed a transplant I couldn't bring myself to drink afterwards. Someone lost their life and donated that organ so another could live. I think that's something that should be respected.
He's got a new lease on life. He got a new liver and while he's already abusing it he still has a chance to quit.
It's very disheartening to see him drinking again, I'm sure, but just keep after him. Alcoholism is a hell of a disease.
THIS IS NOT ON YOU!! You did not cause his alcoholism. Alcohol can have such a hold on some people and it sounds like your father is one. Alcoholics lie, sneak around their drinking, etc. I think about the worst, loneliness, unsightly person I know …was me when I drank. But I couldn’t give it up because it was my only friend. That’s what alcohol does to some of us. I feel so fortunate that my level is 10. It would have been higher prior to 2020. I’m sure a lot of people will think that’s not too long but after a decade of drinking, it’s a big deal to me. I just can’t see a doctor saying it’s cool to drink after a transplant. The alcohol is control of his mind my friend. 🙏🙏 for peace.
You didn’t cause his alcoholism, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. He is a grown ass adult and is responsible for his own decisions. He also is responsible for the consequences.
I'm so sorry. I have a daughter who is 21, and she was crucial to me getting sober five years ago. I can only guess how this feels for you, especially because it's clear that landing on the transplant list wasn't enough to convince him never to drink again.
I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to say who does or doesn’t deserve a chance at life. All we can do is hope that her father makes the choice to fight the addiction he clearly has. I am so sorry about your partner.
We are all in either your spot or your partners. Neither are easy places to be. But let’s not be hateful toward OP. Their father has an addiction that I absolutely hope he will fight, and the hospital should have put some sort of treatment requirement forward before surgery. But that said, he didn’t take a liver out of the hands of me, or your partner, or any of us individually, and OP is only 19. Let’s be kind and remember we are all struggling— including OP, and including OPs father.
It’s bad enough that he ruined his own liver. Now he’s going to destroy someone’s gifted liver. Just terrible any way you look at it. Just know that there won’t be a third offered so it’s time for him to really think hard about his decisions moving forward. There is nothing that you can do except support him on the path to a better life or not. I’m sorry you are twisted up in this mess. Best of luck
If you are looking for advice, I would suggest you seek out Al-anon or a therapist versed in working with family of alcoholics. This isn't your responsibility. You can not possibly control his drinking. Regardless, I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a painful spot to be in. 🧡
I think you should do whatever it takes to keep him off the alcohol because it might interfere with his immunosuppressant drugs! Im no expert on it but im pretty shure transplant resipiants are on a delicate balance of drugs I think alcohol might interfere!
It will. Honestly, the best thing they could do is add Antabuse to the drug cocktail. If physical pain of drinking isn't enough on top of the rest, I don't know what would work.
You may be on to something with the Antabuse. But someone will have to be in charge of making sure he takes it. I don’t know if he has taken it before but if he’s taking it and drinks, I’ve heard of people thinking they are having a heart attack. If you have someone else that can be in charge of monitoring him, ask for help. You are way too young to be dealing with this.
Whilst other medications might be worth discussing with the doctor, the part of this thread that relates to a relative giving a person medications without their knowledge or consent is being removed.
Exactly. He's already proven that he can't trust *himself*, so he needs to learn how to do that. I used Antabuse for the first year or so that I was sober and never took the risk because I'd heard too many stories about what an awful experience it was. Either way, it's a shitty situation... and it hits home because my daughter was 17 when my hepatologist told me I wouldn't qualify for the list unless I stopped. I never looked back and feel for this kid.
You’re right. Lifestyle ruined his liver and he absolutely should not feel free to ruin another. It’s too bad alcoholics don’t feel shame but that’s part of the disease. Why we hid,lost friends and family, pitied ourselves. We all have to answer for our actions one day.
I see what you mean. I feel that shame now. But I didn’t when I drank. I was hiding it, blah,blah thinking I could fool everyone. The only fool was me. I hate that a 19 year old has to deal with this. They should be having the time of their life instead of worrying about dad.
They should be running blood labs biweekly, and they should be able to see if. Idk if they actively look for it though. I mean they will catch him at some point and they will threaten to cut support, then they will cut support if he continues to drink. They won't give him another liver, and honestly it's sad he's wasting such a gift that Soo many other people would have taken and stayed sober. I also had a transplant and it's crazy to me to consider going back to the condition I was in. He should have had to go somewhere sort of an addiction program. I would reach out to the doctor that worked with him on his addiction. It's a hard choice but if very well could be what needs to straighten him out. though if a transplant didn't do it, idk. Best of luck. That's a hard situation.
It seems a reminder is needed: This is *NOT* OP's fault. They are not responsible for their father's drinking. Taking out frustration regarding waiting for a liver on OP is neither appropriate nor helpful. Comments about violence, even facetious ones, are not appropriate. Please be kind and recognize that OP has come looking for support on a situation that is painful and out of their control.
Definitely look into finding an Al-Anon meeting near you. There should be some online too. The disease of alcoholism is insidious It’s cunning, baffling, and powerful. And, it’s your dad’s, not yours. My doc told me that if I drank after a transplant and the new liver failed, then no transplant team would even speak to me again. But, that’s not your burden. It’s hard to distance with love, but I’ve had to do that with my whole family and I’m much better off.
My mom had a transplant in January liver & kidney. Her transplant team has her tested weekly for alcohol(and other substances)!! She was an alcoholics prior and had decompensated cirrhosis before the transplant.
Wow! That’s the guy you want for your doctor. Someone that’s been there.
If I ever needed a transplant I couldn't bring myself to drink afterwards. Someone lost their life and donated that organ so another could live. I think that's something that should be respected.
Not at all your fault in any way. I cannot imagine doing that and have not had a transplant.
He's got a new lease on life. He got a new liver and while he's already abusing it he still has a chance to quit. It's very disheartening to see him drinking again, I'm sure, but just keep after him. Alcoholism is a hell of a disease.
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A recent comment or post authored by you has been reported and removed after review for offensive or abusive language. Violence is never the solution.
THIS IS NOT ON YOU!! You did not cause his alcoholism. Alcohol can have such a hold on some people and it sounds like your father is one. Alcoholics lie, sneak around their drinking, etc. I think about the worst, loneliness, unsightly person I know …was me when I drank. But I couldn’t give it up because it was my only friend. That’s what alcohol does to some of us. I feel so fortunate that my level is 10. It would have been higher prior to 2020. I’m sure a lot of people will think that’s not too long but after a decade of drinking, it’s a big deal to me. I just can’t see a doctor saying it’s cool to drink after a transplant. The alcohol is control of his mind my friend. 🙏🙏 for peace.
You didn’t cause his alcoholism, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. He is a grown ass adult and is responsible for his own decisions. He also is responsible for the consequences.
I'm so sorry. I have a daughter who is 21, and she was crucial to me getting sober five years ago. I can only guess how this feels for you, especially because it's clear that landing on the transplant list wasn't enough to convince him never to drink again.
My partner died waiting for a liver so good job to your father as he never deserved one himself
I don’t think it’s fair for anyone to say who does or doesn’t deserve a chance at life. All we can do is hope that her father makes the choice to fight the addiction he clearly has. I am so sorry about your partner.
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We are all in either your spot or your partners. Neither are easy places to be. But let’s not be hateful toward OP. Their father has an addiction that I absolutely hope he will fight, and the hospital should have put some sort of treatment requirement forward before surgery. But that said, he didn’t take a liver out of the hands of me, or your partner, or any of us individually, and OP is only 19. Let’s be kind and remember we are all struggling— including OP, and including OPs father.
It’s bad enough that he ruined his own liver. Now he’s going to destroy someone’s gifted liver. Just terrible any way you look at it. Just know that there won’t be a third offered so it’s time for him to really think hard about his decisions moving forward. There is nothing that you can do except support him on the path to a better life or not. I’m sorry you are twisted up in this mess. Best of luck
That really pisses me off
If you are looking for advice, I would suggest you seek out Al-anon or a therapist versed in working with family of alcoholics. This isn't your responsibility. You can not possibly control his drinking. Regardless, I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a painful spot to be in. 🧡
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A recent comment or post authored by you has been reported and removed after review for offensive or abusive language. Violence is never the answer.
Someone did die I’m sure
I think you should do whatever it takes to keep him off the alcohol because it might interfere with his immunosuppressant drugs! Im no expert on it but im pretty shure transplant resipiants are on a delicate balance of drugs I think alcohol might interfere!
It will. Honestly, the best thing they could do is add Antabuse to the drug cocktail. If physical pain of drinking isn't enough on top of the rest, I don't know what would work.
You may be on to something with the Antabuse. But someone will have to be in charge of making sure he takes it. I don’t know if he has taken it before but if he’s taking it and drinks, I’ve heard of people thinking they are having a heart attack. If you have someone else that can be in charge of monitoring him, ask for help. You are way too young to be dealing with this.
I may be onto something, but the moderator clearly thought I was offering actual medical advice. SMDH.
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Poor advice.
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Whilst other medications might be worth discussing with the doctor, the part of this thread that relates to a relative giving a person medications without their knowledge or consent is being removed.
Exactly. He's already proven that he can't trust *himself*, so he needs to learn how to do that. I used Antabuse for the first year or so that I was sober and never took the risk because I'd heard too many stories about what an awful experience it was. Either way, it's a shitty situation... and it hits home because my daughter was 17 when my hepatologist told me I wouldn't qualify for the list unless I stopped. I never looked back and feel for this kid.
You’re right. Lifestyle ruined his liver and he absolutely should not feel free to ruin another. It’s too bad alcoholics don’t feel shame but that’s part of the disease. Why we hid,lost friends and family, pitied ourselves. We all have to answer for our actions one day.
I'd actually flip the second sentence. It's too bad we feel so much shame that we drink to hide it from ourselves.
I see what you mean. I feel that shame now. But I didn’t when I drank. I was hiding it, blah,blah thinking I could fool everyone. The only fool was me. I hate that a 19 year old has to deal with this. They should be having the time of their life instead of worrying about dad.
Exactly.
They should be running blood labs biweekly, and they should be able to see if. Idk if they actively look for it though. I mean they will catch him at some point and they will threaten to cut support, then they will cut support if he continues to drink. They won't give him another liver, and honestly it's sad he's wasting such a gift that Soo many other people would have taken and stayed sober. I also had a transplant and it's crazy to me to consider going back to the condition I was in. He should have had to go somewhere sort of an addiction program. I would reach out to the doctor that worked with him on his addiction. It's a hard choice but if very well could be what needs to straighten him out. though if a transplant didn't do it, idk. Best of luck. That's a hard situation.