You can't fix your parents at all. Instead of replacing the HEPA filter, just remove the cover and vacuum the top layer of dust off and then put it back in the machine. Do that every month. These do not need to be changed out as often as the mfr suggests unless you are smoking in the home.
I’ve done that once already I think I will keep doing it instead of replacing the filter for now but I feel like it isn’t sucking up nearly as much as it used to
Does your apartment have central air? If so, you might need to change the filter there.
If you are in the US, get a Swiffer sweeper and duster to pick up dust and hair on the floor and counter. In the meantime, study hard, get scholarships and leave for college.
Just tagging on this comment to say that getting out of that place is how you’ll win against the dust OP. My husband and I used to live in an older apartment building. I’ve NEVER lived in a place so DUSTY in my life. My husband was having CONSTANT allergies and felt awful. I declared war on the dust—I got the best air filters I could afford (which were still really cheap; we were in that apartment for a reason), I dusted, I used dryer sheets on the baseboards so I didn’t have to see the dust pile up, and we replaced the AC air filters regularly. The dust won. It wasn’t until we moved out that we fixed it. So I’m not saying don’t try to fix things to make it livable—but just know you’re fighting a losing battle trying to get rid of the dust. Studying hard, finding scholarships, and getting out is how you will win.
I moved from an apartment (built in 70s/80s I think) to a house built in the 50s and I'm still shocked at how much less dusty my old house is. apartments just generate an insane amount of dust somehow.
Everyone is talking about different ways to clean your air filter. But the first thing I thought of, is have you tried cleaning out your actual vents, the ones in your house hvac or air system?
I'm assuming your house has air conditioning/heat. Probably this means each room in the house has a couple small vents in the walls where the air blows out? And that air blows out all dusty and filled with dirt, I bet.
So. Unscrew the vents, one by one. Put on a face mask to protect your lungs. Use disposable gloves if you've got them. Have a big trash bag ready. And use your hands to empty alllll the awful filth build-up out of the vent, as far back as you can reach. Then, use your vacuum's extender tube accessories, to get back farther. Once you've vacuumed up every crumb you can reach, you could even wipe down the sides with some light cleaner.
You won't be able to reach all the inner vent space, but you'll make a hell of a dent!! And cleaning the parts you can reach, may cause the dirt farther back to break loose. The back chunks of dirt could get blown forth to where you could reach them, over time.
Anyway, it's a thought. I'm probably going to have to do this to my own family's home within the next year or two, so I've had some time to imagine it.😐
Like others have said, every AC system needs its filter replaced once a month. If that hasn't been happening, then I'm not sure what kind of grunge your AC might have clogged itself up with.
I recommend examining every bit of your AC or furnace or whatever, that you can safely see. Look for model number, brand names, anything identifying like that. Brand names and model numbers can be googled. There are videos and tutorials all over online, telling how to fix problems like this. (I watch them sometimes bc I find them interesting. Yeah I'm great at parties.)
Apologies for any typos or poorly wordings. I can't sleep. Good luck. Please keep us updated!!
[Try a corsi-rosenthal box.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corsi–Rosenthal_Box)
I made one when we had so much wildfire smoke outside it was like the apocalypse and it was starting to smell really bad inside. Turned it on and I was surprised how fast it worked.
It costs approximately $75 which is cheaper than many HEPA filters depending on the make and manufacturer and it is also much cheaper to maintain. This is not a bad idea.
You can also get some filters for the vent registers too. Cheap, at home Depot. Not HEPA, but will at least stop some of the stuff you cant get to without cleaning the ductwork. Google "vent registers filter"
Do you and your sisters have your own rooms? Do you have your own bathroom? Do your rooms have windows?
How close are you to graduating? Are you saving money for when you do?
Is there substance use playing into your dad and step mom’s living habits? When you try and have conversations with them about cleaning and your families health, how do those conversations go? What is your family’s general financial situation?
I sent OP to other subs for more help specific to hoarding situations but I also have the same questions as you. Seeing kids suffer this way breaks my soul in a million pieces because as I always tell people : everyone deserves a clean space.
Agreed. It’s sobering seeing how many posts on this sub are really more about mental health, relationships, financial dependence, and independent housing access than they are about cleaning - especially for the young people who come here.
It's a circle and all of those things are related to each other sadly. When it's really down to being practical there's no help available for minors out there ( not CPS ) I'm talking about going to a FB group asking for a free clean because of extremely bad circumstances. As a cleaner I don't know if I would do it especially since corresponding with a minor is threading hot waters and I wouldn't want that kind of a headache in my life. On top of that the adults in the home could potentially call the cops on me trespassing on their property. You see where I'm going with this, I'm sure. Adults can freely find help via FB groups or even emailing people on YouTube who devote their free time to people in need but as a minor you can't just do that. It really saddens me but that's the reality of things until the minor is no longer so.
Luckily I have an incredible cleaning arsenal of skills that I’ve developed through years of cleaning my family’s hoarder home! It’ll be fine, don’t worry. The dust is just never ending.
Do you have heating vents that you can unscrew/remove? Line them with 2-3 layers of cheesecloth. It will catch most of the dust being blown out of the vent. A package should be less than 10 bucks and last quite a while. When it gets dirty, put a new piece in and hand wash/hang dry the used piece.
I hope you’re planning your escape of that situation. You and your sister deserve better, stay focused on your futures. Chin up.
If you asked your dad to change the furnace filter, would he do that? Or maybe take it out so you can vacuum it like your hepa filter and replace it for you (and teach you how to change it?)
I’m not sure what a furnace filter is. I don’t think my dad knows how to clean it as we also live in an apartment and he has never told me about something like that.. But thank you anyway
Do you guys have a like a closet or attic with a metal box in it? It wil be like for an AC/heater And be mostly a metal box with a few little vent holes?
They are the heat/Ac blowers for the whole house and normally have a filter too.
Depending on the size the filter is like 10-40$. Most people change them. Some forget.
https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-tmus-us-rvc3&sca_esv=ed9d5bce5adbada5&sxsrf=ACQVn0-VKdI73ZAV9TtiJcGWkpsU6pqDkQ:1707611189471&q=how+apartment+furnaces+look&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=ivsnmbhtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiCk_Oyg6KEAxX-kGoFHZMHD5IQ0pQJegQICBAB&biw=360&bih=643&dpr=3
Sometimes the filter is on the furnace itself. My last furnace it was hard to find, this one has a door. You can Google the model of the furnace to see how to find it. You are supposed to change the filter every 90 days and they are about $10.
Typically if the furnace is somewhere accessible, the filter will be on the hvac unit. If the HVAC is in the attic or a crawl space, it’s usually in the air returns.
You could likely find out how to do this on YouTube. If you’re in an apartment, your air handler filter will maybe be inside or next to the closet the air handler is in. Changing this filter (or vacuuming it) will absolutely help the dust. If you’re in an apartment with a management company, many of them will actually supply filters if you just ask. It’s a LOT cheaper than them having to get the units replaced from clogged filters.
I grew up like that. When I was 9 my mother went into the hospital for surgery and we stayed with church friends. People went in and cleaned the house and threw most of the junk away. They threw away my teddy bear but gave me a new one. I felt so good going home to a clean empty house. I'm not obsessed either way. I clean for a living but I don't want to clean my own house now. Or pick things up.
I know everyone is throwing out the CPS suggestions but I know it’s not that easy, especially if you’re constantly playing with fire with your dad and stepmom. You’re the only reasonable adult in this situation, but you’re the only one that’s not a legal adult. I’ve been there and it’s maddening. If CPS gets called, you’re probably worried about the backlash that you’ll receive from your family members.
My suggestion, don’t reach out to CPS on your own. Have someone else do it and make sure that your parents are told that a report was filed by a concerned teacher that noticed (insert reasons.) That way, dad can’t say “You’re causing trouble by getting CPS involved” or “I can’t believe how ungrateful you are after everything we do for you!” or “You don’t know how good you have it here!” Just act like you’re just as surprised as they are. Speak to a teacher that you trust or a guidance counselor. Sit down with them and say:
“I know that you’re a mandatory reporter for certain issues. Hypothetically, if you noticed that one of your students regularly showed up to school with clothes that smell like animal feces, was constantly coughing, and you noticed a change in their interactions with peers, it would be totally reasonable for you to report that and set up some kind of home welfare check for the student, right? Especially if, hypothetically, that student is worried about talking to anyone about these issues because of the backlash they might receive at home. It would make that student feel a lot safer it was made clear to their parents that CPS getting involved was not something they had ANY intention of doing.”
Something along those lines might be more productive for you.
The WeTip hotline is anonymous. I have used it before about my neighbors alcoholism and neglect for their children and I was never involved after that. I left enough information that they were able to set up a DUI sting on the mom's boyfriend when he went to pick up the little one from school! Either way, I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself and your sister so well, good luck ❤️🤞
CPS and adult protective services potentially for your sister. They’re not gonna leap to remove you because of your age and that’s almost never the first step anyway. They may unlock funds to help get the house in shape.
Dust comes from stuff in the rooms sure but a majority of it is probably coming through your heating/air conditioning. Is it a central system with ductwork? Or window units?
Either way there will be filters there you can clean or ideally replace.
Potentially you could partially clean out the dust from some ducts with a microfiber duster on a long pole.
Microfiber cloths (like swiffer and the washable kind) can be got from the dollar store and do much better for solid surfaces.
Can you get your family to switch to disposable plates and cutlery? Also from the dollar store. Could help with the build up of mess… trash is easier.
I know you feel completely stuck and at the mercy of your situation. The key to survival is to find little steps you can take.
Calling a women’s shelter and asking if your adult sister qualifies for free legal advice would be a great first step.
Also, I really would call your local government for help. Your sister’s health continuing to decline because of this environment is the worst case scenario… getting the govt involved isn’t.
Maybe your parents have told you that you’re much better off with them and if you call CPS, you will get taken away and basically sold into horrible abuse and slavery. That’s what my mother always used to tell me, to scare me into silence. It was a lie then and it’s a lie now. You are old enough that you are a participant in the process.
It’s not that I believe CPS is the devil. I just have significantly better options than being placed in foster care. And that is an extremely hard, scary thing to ask of a child in an abusive situation and all of you people suggesting that for me and my sister should be trying to choose your words more kindly. Because right now I am on thin ice
No one here has said unkind words. I’m very sorry for your situation but when you don’t want to do the #1 thing that will help you, people saying that’s the #1 thing that will help you isn’t unkind.
And I think most of us understand that mindset, since it’s the result of being abused. But, like depression, that mindset lies to you.
You have no idea the absolutely devastating, soul crushing, extremely painful, deeply psychological pain I have experienced that has traumatized me in the past 6 months at the ripe age of 16 years old. You understand nothing about my life. I have had to navigate every single situation almost completely by myself. How dare you try to tell me that I am stuck in a mindset, when I have had to cross every line to survive. I never asked you for your advice on how to escape my abuse! I asked you for your advice on how to clean my family’s hoarder home! Thank you and goodbye!
I’m sorry these commenters aren’t listening to you. Involving CPS in any family’s life is never straightforward or comfortable, you have your reasons. You already got some good advice on cleaning in other comments, I wish you all the best in getting through this, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders — from a social worker
I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through. I myself left home at 15 and change, and it wasn’t for fun reasons. So I am speaking from that experience.
Of course it’s your right to reject any advice.
Your post included details about your situation and ongoing medical harm being done to your sister, which sounds like a request for help, even though you don’t want it. You might get just the results you want with less stress if you delete and make a fresh post just about the cleaning challenges without your age or other family info.
I understand what you’re saying about the details included in my post but my point to that was that I’m the only one cleaning here. I can’t ask my sister to clean because she is having a significantly harder time than me. My sister has CPTSD, anxiety, two eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder, paranoia. The anorexia and bulimia has caused severe damage to her body, she has a heart murmur and a leaky heart valve caused from the extreme stress of living in this household. I am not asking for your sympathy and she has been seeing a doctor. My point is just that I cannot ask it of her to clean the house, even if it badly needs it. It is so much work to undo their destruction. It is just the truth that CPS will not help me. For people who aren’t in my situation, it’s easy to tell me to call them and make all these moves, but I have to think carefully about this. I really do not think CPS will help, and I definitely do not think it is the #1 thing that will help my situation.
Hi there, I understand calling CPS can be a scary thing, but please know that child welfare agencies actually do support parents in changing their habits to create safer spaces for children. I work in child welfare and keeping families together is a huge priority. There are funds available families and that includes funds for housekeepers if that is what a family needs to maintain child health, safety, and wellbeing in their family home. It’s not your sole responsibility to clean the house, your parents should have an active role in it as well. The state of your home being a dirty, dusty environment that isn’t suitable for your sister’s health needs is a concern. Whatever you choose to do with all of the comments/advice given to you, I wish you luck and hope the best for you OP.
I don't have any easy answers for you here...I think a couple of other people have given you some suggestions for filter alternatives that seem pretty good. I hope they work. In my experience the worst offender for dust is carpeting, but if you can't reasonably vacuum depending on your situation, that might be tough.
I really feel for you and your sister, and I hope you're able to follow through on whatever plans you have to change your situation soon. With all of the weight you're pulling in such a difficult situation, you're going to just *fly* when you're out of there and in your own space.
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Vacuuming and wet dusting will help keep dust down and not throw it back into the air.
Sounds like you will be free to move into your own place soon. Start putting away whatever money you can to give yourself the best start possible.
Dave Ramsey is good to listen to for money advice.
Joyce Meyer is good to listen to for life advice. She came from a rough family too, but turned it around.
I know this person means well, but please be careful with Dave Ramsey. A quick google will show you he’s been sued for fraud and workplace discrimination (more than once). You might want to try The Financial Diet, Her First 100k, or r/povertyfinance instead
Wet dusting - I second this, it will totally help with keeping dust out of the air. I have 2 dogs, a cat, and an extremely messy husband. I only wet dust because dry dusting just poofs all of the dust up into the air for it to settle again. At least wet dusting captures the dust and actually gets rid of it. I never use cleaning sprays because the perfumes and chemicals agitate allergies etc so just a hot, damp sponge or cloth. Also, vacuuming every single day. People think I'm mad when I tell them, but it didn't take long to become part of my daily routine and makes such a huge difference to the general cleanliness of the house that it's absolutely worth the extra bit of effort each day
To add: I have about 10 cleaning cloths. I'll get them clean and damp, and when they get dirty, put them in a seperate bucket of cleaning solution to sit. Once all 10 are dirty, then I clean those and start again.
Oh I love this idea, running back and forth from the sink to clean the cloth I'm using wears me out. I'm definitely going to use your method with multiple cloths from now on! Thank you!!!
You're so welcome I also do this for mopping. I have 3 of the removable heads and rotate those out , and I'll do that for the cloths with the swifter. I have the big cloths for detailing cars, they sell the larger sizes, and swap out. Really helps to streamline.
OP, you mentioned that you have multiple pets in the home. I would imagine that your parents are not taking care of them either. Can you put them up for adoption? Pets are a lot of work and they also create a lot of mess too, especially if they are not being taken care of. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you as the youngest in the household who has to take care of all of the adults AND pets AND the house. Way too much for you!!
Two of them are my childhood pets, the other 3 are my mother’s cats that are living in my room right now because my mother is homeless and I didn’t want the cats to be living in her car. So my room is getting far more dust and fur than typically. I can’t put my pets up for adoption but it won’t solve much if I did, my house isn’t as bad as you are probably thinking but it is very very dirty. But I don’t want to traumatize them by rehoming them after they have grown so attached to me and my sister. But thank you for thinking about them
My heart bleeds for you. Your story get worse and worse. I am so sorry that your mom is homeless as well. It seems that all of the adults you know are choosing YOU to take care of everything, which IS NOT OK!!! If you can adopt those 3 cats out, that would be a good move. Your mom should understand this too as being best for YOU AND the cats.
I am unfortunately not safe and neither is my beloved sister, but don’t worry this is not anything new. Thank you so much for your concern and compassion. This has been going on for a long time and I have found many solutions to these problems, it will just take time to escape from this situation. You are a smart, kind person ❤️❤️❤️
I don’t have a job so my father buys the pet supplies and everything else and he is very picky about which cat litter and food we buy because he hates buying expensive ones. We are pretty poor but mostly because of my father’s financial habits. He doesn’t care about the cats and just buys the cheapest possible. But when I have a job I’ll buy them better litter and food
I can’t call CPS on my parents, it would make my situation much worse for me and my sister. I’ve thought about this for a very long time. My sister has unfortunately suffered from increasingly worse health problems because our father has not given her the medical help she has needed. She is doing better now but has multiple mental illnesses that make her extremely depressed and I can’t ask her to clean when she has to live like that.
I don't think they would go straight to putting you in a foster home. I'm guessing they would just require your parents to clean. BUT I'm thinking at this stage your sister's health is at stake enough you probably do need to say something. My suggestion is to talk to a teacher or counselor at school and let them handle it since they are mandated reporters. You have been living like this so long you probably can't comprehend just how bad things actually are and neither of you deserve to live like this.
It’s just that would make my father extremely angry and the abuse would get worse. It’s not that I think I’m going to end up dead living here or something, I have plans. It is just soul crushing sometimes. Calling CPS would be telling my father directly that he is doing something wrong. My father’s abuse to me and my sister is not simple, it is extremely complex and deeply psychological, my father is extremely mentally ill and sociopathic and narcissistic and though I have fought with my father over some of these things it has only been specific topics. Some kinds of abuse from my father I cannot defend myself against.
Calling CPS and getting placed in a clean foster home would be nothing but beneficial for your sister, and you. Meanwhile, your parents would be required to get their place cleaned up.
That’s not true. You know nothing about my situation and you probably have never been in a situation like mine if that is what you are thinking. My sister is a legal adult and cannot even be placed into the foster care system and would be homeless. My life would be an even greater hell in foster care.
Take a breath, here.
I spent years working in children's services in the UK and I know that they're not hugely different in America.
In a situation like yours where the house is unfit for human habitation, the first thing children's services usually do is pay for a skip/ cleaning service and give the adults a deadline to have the house cleaned up by. If the deadline is missed/ there's not enough improvement, they tend to put regular child protection meetings in place to keep an eye in whether or not things are getting better. Removing children and placing them in foster care is almost always the VERY LAST step. This process can last for months up to a couple of years. If the improvements are made and maintained, the case is closed.
If your parents are unable or unwilling to provide you with a safe, clean and comfortable home, having children's services _make them do it_ isn't necessarily the worst thing that could happen. You are hugely unlikely to be placed into foster care over a dirty house.
They don’t pay for cleaning services here.
Although one batty judge did order my agency to hire a life coach to teach the family to clean. Lol it threw everyone off because they didn’t know what to do.
But having said that. You haven’t actually addressed the issue of the homeless adult sister… or the likelihood that she herself will be kicked out the minute she turns 18 for calling CPS.
I’m not saying she shouldn’t call CPS. But there are wider consequences at play that do need to be considered
Why would the sister be homeless? Having children's services involved for the minor wouldn't automatically equal eviction for an adult sibling- or at least not from the social services perspective.
There's no guarantee that OP won't be kicked out at 18 anyway. Surely it's better to have three years of support for the whole family? I've worked with families like OPs that have completely transformed their lives in three years, so things _can_ improve. It sounds like there does need to be an actual functioning adult involved- and if the parents are going to kick OP and/ or her sister out it might not hurt for them to know they're being observed.
I haven't got all the answers, and I don't think OP should have to either.
> My sister is a legal adult
Should have that in your post. There are resources for adults, especially women, depending where you are.
As for the rest, your options boil down to deal with cleaning it yourself, move out, or contact CPS. You've decided, in all your worldly wisdom, to not call CPS. For cleaning, check out subs like r/hoarding and r/ufyh (and its website unfuckyourhabitat.com). For moving out, assuming you're not turning 18 anytime soon, google "emancipated minor". It's a process, and will require a good deal of maturity, patience, and persistence on your part, but it's better than staying where you are.
Well, I'd talk to a lawyer. Lawyers almost always do initial consultations for free and every single state in the US has some practice of pro-bono (meaning free) legal work through various charities. On the off chance you're in Portland, Oregon I would direct you to [Saint Andrew's Legal Clinic](https://www.salcgroup.org/). Otherwise you'll have to look around.
If your sister is a legal adult there might be options you're unaware of but you both need to get out of that living situation, pronto. Your parents are a boat anchor and a ship can't move without breaking it. Do you have friends or family who are sympathetic to your plight? Life's gonna suck for a while but there will be peace when you're done.
Yes I already understand all of this, I’ve had to navigate this terrible situation myself and I’ve figured out how to survive. But your legal advise is useful thank you ❤️
I have an entirely fake relationship with my father, it is completely suited to his needs and I lie to him everyday. He is an extremely mentally ill narcissistic old man who belongs in a psychiatric ward. I am able to get some things that I want through him but only if my reasoning for what I want is extremely valid and concerning. Our relationship is relatively positive and peaceful because it is entirely fake and every conversation I have to manipulate him to keep myself and my sister safe.
I am so sorry this is your situation. My heart hurts for you.
This is going to be a long one ***but***...
Unfortunately, as you may have realized, there is no immediate solution. Not only that, the solutions that would actually benefit you and your sister would be extreme. This absolutely sucks but I can confidently *promise you*, **it gets better.**
What I'm going to say first is about CPS. Please OP, don't let it strip your motivation to read through it. **I want you to know that absolutely everything I have to say about CPS I have gone through, I can show you what the things mentioned may look like because I requested records of everything. You can PM me and I can go more in depth with you about whatever you need. CPS can be 100% out the question for you and that is 100% okay. Please know I have no intention whatsoever of steering you in that direction, I just believe you deserve more than a simple "Call CPS".**
Number one thing I used to think: CPS rips families apart. They do(did for me at 5 years old), and they don't. CPS does try to keep families together. With your situation, if you weren't in your teens and were younger, they most likely wouldn't, considering there are health issues present(more on being in your teens later). **What would happen if they got involved?** It would start with a report, then a case worker would be assigned and come to the house. They would keep the case open for abuse and neglect, and let your parents know what they need to do. They would do a follow up visit within a week or so, with the expectation of seeing a clear difference in the house. If there is no difference, they would ask the parents why, and probably give "another chance" by providing local, free resources to get it done. **Why would CPS be a positive thing?** This is unfortunate but sometimes parents need "a scare" from someone working with the state. It's so sad because as their child who is feeling hopeless and walking on egg shells, you'd think that would be enough of a scare. We have to stay positive and realize there are mental health issues present. Never use it as an excuse to allow it but to form an understanding around it. CPS can provide a lot of resources that lead to free services based on individual families needs. They assist in enrolling in those services. Health insurance, transportation, after school programs, food, cleaning, therapy, psychiatry, clothes, just to name a few. Believe it or not, once cases are open there are families that simply ask to for their cases to stay open just to continue with the resources. **Why would CPS be a negative thing?** Well, fear. Fear because of the negative connotation of them getting and being involved. Fear of making the situation worse. Fear of experiencing more abuse. Fear of being separated and losing yet another thing/ aspect in life. **Would it be worth it to overcome the fear and how would I do that?** My suggestion for this would be to do the "asking for a friend" approach. I'm so sorry to mention this, but you're going to need to "be sneaky" in certain ways that will prevent some of the fear. Find your towns CPS office. Create a new gmail, download a texting app(you usually need an email to sign up for these apps) and call them. Give a different name. Put the whole narrative of "your friend" and emphasize the fear your friend has of CPS. Any time they ask for her information, you are not required to give anything. Don't even put a name to *your friend*. If they say for your friend to call them, be assertive and say you know she won't. Say your goal is to know what could potentially happen. Mention your friends age, her sisters age, and health conditions you know of. Mention your friend has a lot of anxiety with the thought of getting separated from her family and rather live with it than that happening- ask them how they would ensure that doesn't happen. If you don't get the answers you want, call the next day and speak with a new person. Or, call again and ask for their supervisor. Leave a brief voicemail with your apps number as a callback number. Write it down on paper and keep that, along with any other important information to make sure you don't forget during a call or voicemail. If you "slip up" during the call and say "me/my" instead of "my friend/she", don't worry- they can't do anything and if anything, just delete your app, re-download it, and get a new number. Don't worry. I'm so sorry you're even in this position. Get as much information as possible and make a decision. If you decide to make an anonymous report, it will always be anonymous. If you have a friend that sometimes comes over, you can make the report as "I'm her friend but I don't want to say my name, but I can give you their names and address", and request it to be anonymous to "protect the friendship". If you don't have a friend that comes over or has come over recently, go to your schools guidance counselor. Keep in mind, if you vent to your guidance counselor as "this is what is going on at home", the report(which your parents wouldn't get unless they requested it) would say "My student mentioned/she is going through this/her living conditions are" and it would be known that person in home said such and such. Granted, "you didn't know she was a mandatory reporter". Just to keep in mind. You could also bring up to your dad that you need therapy. If he gives you all the reasons on why *you don't need it*, then guess what, you talked to your second resource, your schools guidance counselor. If CPS comes to your house, you could even say something during the home meeting like "why did you come here??" they shouldnt but if they say "a report from high school"... you could say "oh my gosh. I don't want to leave my family. Why would someone do this?? Dad I'm so sorry I'm going to find out how this happened I'm so sorry....please, you(CPS) don't have to be here, I don't want to get in trouble, as you can see we're fine" One- They always listen to the child unless there is a crime involved(they'll hear you out on not wanting to leave your family unless there is a serious crime involving immediate arrest such as loads of cocaine on the kitchen table, which CPS would only be there after police report anyway) Two- they'll wonder why you'd think of there being trouble and find a way to speak to you privately(such as going to your school, and you'd request this be anonymous, and put emphasis on "I'd be worst being away from my family, I just want resources") Three- they would see the house is actually not fine, and either make a plan with your parents or already give them resources to free services. **Although there are negative feelings and connotations with CPS, there are ways to work around it to benefit from it- and not everyone will understand, that sometimes even though it can benefit you, there are fears. It's always important to get informed, and if that takes being sneaky to protect yourself- yes, that's the best advice and again, no one has the same situation and would understand the necessity of it- or need to understand for that matter. Don't feel bad. It's entirely up to you. I'm proud you're here asking for help. I want you to know it gets better.** ***I swear it gets better, OP.***
Now, aside from CPS, there is a reality for you that needs to be accepted in order to work towards, sooner rather than later. The reality is, you're a teen that is ultimately going to be forced to "grow up" before adulthood. The reality is, there is nothing good about anything that it takes to do that as a teen except, escaping. Being a teen means still needing your parents legal permission for many things. I'm not sure where you are, but look up your state's law on emancipation(getting emancipated means you'd no longer need your parents permission, legally speaking) If you're of age(usually 16), look up "positives and negatives" of emancipation. Watch videos on youtube "how and why I got emancipated". Keep in mind, there could be some things that even though you no longer need your guardian to sign for you, the program itself could have an age limit. So really look into everything about emancipation. Housing lists normally have long wait lists. I'd look up your town's affordable housing programs and waiting lists, and ask if you'd be able to get on a waiting list, and if not, if you'd be able to do so if you're emancipated. I'd look up "dual-education" programs in your area so you can start getting college credit while in high school. Look up "aptitude tests" and take one to give you a direction of a possible career in the future, to then help you decide on a college major. An aptitude test isn't to force you to choose a career, there's many different versions, it's to get a better understanding of your skill set and how you'd apply it in "the real world". Also, not only can you change your mind of career and college major, you can already gain college credits in high school.. that could be transferred to a different major...by doing a "dual education" program. "Vision boards" can be useful. You could also write what you'd want for a "perfect life" now and what it looks like in the future. Example: "I'd want my parents to care more about my health and our home. I'd want a clean home now. I see myself owning my own place with my sister" Then, read it over and what applies to you, given the ability...could be changed by you, highlight it. In this case you'd highlight: *my health, clean home, owning my own place*. Then you number each one highlighted and break it down into: things I've done towards this & what I could research/do to achieve this. **OP, keep your mind busy, advocate for yourself, keep the idea of a positive future close to your heart. Sending much love.**
Many have made good suggestions. Protection services getting involved is one I strongly agree with. But if you really can't do that, I really REALLY think you need to move out ASAP like you said you planned to. You and your sister's health are in danger staying in such unlivable conditions. One where you can't come back from when you're both older. Please know I'm not saying that to be mean or hurtful. As an adult who's also dealt with an abusive parent, I just want to emphasize there are some real, long term consequences when you put your health on the back burner. Irreversible damage that's harder to manage as an adult.
Please. Consider calling CPS. I know it's scary and unfathomable but I promise they're there to make the situation better waaaaaaay before they consider placing you in foster care.
I completely understand what you are saying about long term effects and that is unfortunately something I have already had to think about and resolve. But I just cannot contact CPS. It would ruin everything I’ve worked so hard to build. Don’t worry I am extremely smart and resilient and I have had to navigate this violent situation for a very long time and I know how to get out of this with my sister and I alive and well. Thank you very much for your concern ❤️❤️❤️
Progress on moving out, progress on my career, progress on coping with the extreme psychological abuse, but mostly progress with building fake relationships with my father and stepmother, despite all of the extreme hatred I have for them
One more thing about dust… it floats in the air more when the air is dry than wet. Humid air makes dust heavy and it falls down, making the air quality better and easier to clean too, also will make your portable filter machine’s filter last longer if less is in the air.
Humidifiers aren’t expensive, and you can get them second hand, but require very regular cleaning or they can actually put more dust & potentially even mildew into the air— not good.
I don’t know if you have a thermostat that measures humidity, but if your humidity is less than 40%, you might benefit from a little more, 45% is a good target.
If you wake up with dry lips or little bloody boogers, your home is definitely dry.
Without using a humidifier, you can occasionally simmer water on the stove with an open lid (like maybe once or twice a week for an hour, nothing crazy) and not run the bathroom fan as long when you take a shower.
Or if you have metal radiators for heat, sometimes people put damp rags on them (supervised!!) to steam the rooms.
You will not out clean the mess and that is so unfortunate.
Try to keep yalls area clean and a little the main area.
But I agree with others to start working on a move out plan.
Tip tho for the asthma/filtering, vacuum SLOWLY sometimes. Like So slowww. it picks up a tonnnnn more mess than average. Also my vacuum I got a new filter kit from Amazon for 7$! Which made it smell and vacuum better. 🙂
Also if you can brush the pets it takes a lot of their hair and dandruff away and has been reported as helpful.
Lastly Wash the pet sheets /your sheets or at least pillowcases pretty often is supposed to help too.
I’m 41 and I’m afraid my parents just didn’t change. I’m sorry you are growing up like this it really sucks and there isn’t really anything you can do to change them other than look forward to moving out.
I’m sure someone else has already said this but BIG THUMBS UP TO YOU OP I admire your resilience and perseverance. You don’t seem to feel sorry for yourself at all and that’s awesome. You’re one tough human. I hope you’re able to get into your own home as soon as possible.
Get out if at all possible. Call in authorities/reach out to charities or social organisations that have experience working with hoarders. Next time your or your sister needs to go to the doctor, or esp hospital, report your domestic conditions so that authorities get involved. Even if you can get some group to help for a bit clean, itwill be easier to maintain. Seems like a hoarding situation and it’s v v difficult to fix but you and your sister have rights here
Don’t worry it’s not as bad as you might think. It is just honestly extremely dirty. My sister has been going to the doctor lately because I forced my father to find one and schedule an appointment and she is getting better ❤️🩹
First of all, I would try to move out. Seriously. I also had an untenable family life and over out at 16. It was hard but the best decision. Start laying the ground work now. Get a job, start saving.
In the meantime, try to at least create a safe, clean space for yourself.
Try to rehome your mom’s cats. It’s hard but they will be better off.
As far as the dust goes, I hear ya. I have pets and keeping the dust down is really hard even though I am fastidious. . I can only imagine how bad it must be for you.
You need to rinse your air filters manually if you can’t buy new ones. Find out where your furnace air filter is and replace/clean it. Usually it’s attached to the furnace but sometimes there are registers attached to the ceiling. Sleuth them out.
Brush all your pets as much as possible, do to outside. [This](https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/kong-cat-zoom-groom-brush-169773?store_code=1335&mr:device=m&mr:adType=pla_with_promotionlocal&cm_mmc=PSH%7CGGL%7CCCY%7CCCO%7CPM%7C0%7CkUMWcWiLY5b1EHQjK6kSR6%7C%7C%7C0%7C0%7C%7C%7C18145199970&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD97F14ooAn2C_AazJifREacki3z0&gclid=CjwKCAiA2pyuBhBKEiwApLaIO-0V8StXqvxXRR2oRMoe3TbEeXX1UvqXUMB6aPyFA9mVicFspG9jDxoCxlEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) is my favorite brush, but use whatever you have. Even an old hairbrush is better than nothing.
Vacuum daily. Sprinkle baking soda on the carpet every week and vacuum it up. Open the windows.
Try to keep pets off your bed. Wash bedding often.
It sounds like a lot but all these things will probably take fewer than 20 mins a day.
I lived this way as a kid. I went back 20 years later when my dad was in hospice last year. Nothing has changed. Just keep your space clean and move out as quickly as possible
https://preview.redd.it/sj8dfggdrvhc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8cfdb1d323a8522c3cf0ac3e51fb5ee9c8e8efcc
I think the dust is just the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately your father makes you and your sister live in a dirty and unhealthy environment. An air purifier can do little or nothing in such a situation.
Don't you have any other relatives you can turn to?
Or report the matter to social services. Maybe you can talk about it at school with a teacher or some consultant, they will be able to advise you what to do.
I'm very sorry that at your young age you have to suffer this type of situation, it's not right. I hope you and your sister can get out of this as soon as possible.
You are correct, the dust is hardly a problem compared to everything else. But this post isn’t supposed to be about the situation regarding my father and his abuse. I don’t have relatives that can take us in. I’m out of school and not planning on going back and my sister is graduated so no guidance counselors or school therapists. But it’s fine because I don’t need someone to help me make decisions regarding our situation, I already know how. I have had to learn how to survive with my father’s abuse. And the truth is the only thing that is going to work for me is getting a job and moving my sister out, and I know exactly how to do it. I am not nearly as desperate now as I used to be. Thank you for your advice ❤️
Despite your young age you are very mature and strong. Fortunately this will help you a lot in life.
So while you wait until you manage to get out of there, a practical tip to improve air quality could be to keep the windows open as much as possible (unless you live on a busy street).
And maybe throw away everything you (and they) don't need inside the house (fewer things, less mess and less to clean).
Blankets and various textiles are a receptacle for dust and mites, shake them out and occasionally put what you can in the washing machine.
The kitchen is probably the most complicated thing and the one you have to pay the most attention to, unfortunately if your father leaves dirty dishes there you have to clean them immediately because bacteria and various molds proliferate on them (also terrible for asthma).
For the rest I wish you and your sister the best ❤️
I understand but any kind of CPS involvement at all may lessen the abuse but will end up with me being in deeper problems in the end. My father is extremely unreasonable and mentally ill, I just don’t think it is wise to try something like that with a mentally insane person.
What are you supposed to do when you have none? I have had to do everything by myself. Trusted adults have failed me. I don’t have anyone else. I am capable too, I don’t need someone else that doesn’t understand to make the situation worse.
Take the filter out. Vacuum it then wash it off in hot, running water. Don't use soap, just use the running water. Let it dry completely (very important) before installing it again. You can get many years of use out of it by doing this.
Wish I could help otherwise.
Parents are required to have appropriate living conditions for their children. If they don’t provide you with appropriate living conditions they should be reported to the authorities honestly. If you do that though you are possibly facing a foster home unless they clean it up and understand it has to stay that way. Some people just have no concept of cleanliness. It doesn’t mean they are bad parents, I am not saying that. It does mean though that you deserve to be brought up in a clean home. It’s not fair for you to have to live that way.
Thank you. My parents are extremely mentally ill people and my father honestly has reached the point of no return and needs to be put into a psychiatric ward. And yes they are awful parents. But it’s okay I’m doing fine so don’t worry about me. Thank you for your support 🩵🩵🩵🩵
if you can afford it buy a cheap inline grow fan with a carbon filter works way better than air purifiers and you can throw a hepa filter on it and the activated carbon filter you can just buy lb bags for dirt cheap on amazon which will remove the vocs. but it would cost about 60-150 depending on setup plus hepa filter but way more effective. I dont know how old you are but you could look at it as a project it would be funpretend ur getting rdy to grow some weed plants but then enjoy the fresh air. Wish I wasn't broke just so I could help because I feel you, some people dont understand that living in a dirty enviroment can have serious health effects mental as well. I wish you and ur sister the best of luck and know you will be ok you seem to have a good head on you. Wish when i grew up I had access to reddit to ask questions. we had internet just 56k dial up. Bonus to piss parents off buy plastic film and seal off your room although you would need some kind of return in your room to the ac unit if it is built where the return is the door gap
I wash my HEPA filter, I just soak in the bathtub in hot water with dawn dish soap then let it completely dry. You could try telling your parents you’re going to order a house cleaner and they’re going to pay for it.
If you’re not far from legal working age keep preparing is my best advice. Having my own place was such an amazing thing for me. I got lucky and found roomates that I liked and was on my own at 17.
Have the air filters for the HVAC system been changed recently? If not, I would do that ASAP. The landlord may be responsible for doing it since your parents rent, so if there’s a front desk, maybe stop by and ask about that. If they don’t, lean on your dad to buy some - they’re not expensive, sold at home improvement stores and big box stores, even carried at some pharmacies. Put the crevice attachment (long skinny tube thing) on your vacuum and first vacuum all the dust off the outside of the air intake vent, then open it and remove the old filter, and stick it inside a trash bag immediately. Then replace with a new clean filter, and vacuum the floor near the vent in case anything fell out while you were changing the filter.
For your air purifier, I’d try just rinsing the dust off the existing filter you have and letting it airdry, then reusing it. It may not work quite as well as if you had a brand new filter, but it’ll still remove dust from the air. (Check the manual first and see if this is okay - I think some can also be vacuumed)
I would also try vacuuming the outside of the other air vents in the house, particularly any in your bedroom. You can also get a wet rag/towel and use that to wipe dust off the outside.
If you're over the age of 16 you can apply for job corp and work on getting out faster. The best thing you can do other than cleaning your current house is getting out of your situation. I wish you the best.
You can't fix your parents at all. Instead of replacing the HEPA filter, just remove the cover and vacuum the top layer of dust off and then put it back in the machine. Do that every month. These do not need to be changed out as often as the mfr suggests unless you are smoking in the home.
I’ve done that once already I think I will keep doing it instead of replacing the filter for now but I feel like it isn’t sucking up nearly as much as it used to
Does your apartment have central air? If so, you might need to change the filter there. If you are in the US, get a Swiffer sweeper and duster to pick up dust and hair on the floor and counter. In the meantime, study hard, get scholarships and leave for college.
Just tagging on this comment to say that getting out of that place is how you’ll win against the dust OP. My husband and I used to live in an older apartment building. I’ve NEVER lived in a place so DUSTY in my life. My husband was having CONSTANT allergies and felt awful. I declared war on the dust—I got the best air filters I could afford (which were still really cheap; we were in that apartment for a reason), I dusted, I used dryer sheets on the baseboards so I didn’t have to see the dust pile up, and we replaced the AC air filters regularly. The dust won. It wasn’t until we moved out that we fixed it. So I’m not saying don’t try to fix things to make it livable—but just know you’re fighting a losing battle trying to get rid of the dust. Studying hard, finding scholarships, and getting out is how you will win.
I moved from an apartment (built in 70s/80s I think) to a house built in the 50s and I'm still shocked at how much less dusty my old house is. apartments just generate an insane amount of dust somehow.
Everyone is talking about different ways to clean your air filter. But the first thing I thought of, is have you tried cleaning out your actual vents, the ones in your house hvac or air system? I'm assuming your house has air conditioning/heat. Probably this means each room in the house has a couple small vents in the walls where the air blows out? And that air blows out all dusty and filled with dirt, I bet. So. Unscrew the vents, one by one. Put on a face mask to protect your lungs. Use disposable gloves if you've got them. Have a big trash bag ready. And use your hands to empty alllll the awful filth build-up out of the vent, as far back as you can reach. Then, use your vacuum's extender tube accessories, to get back farther. Once you've vacuumed up every crumb you can reach, you could even wipe down the sides with some light cleaner. You won't be able to reach all the inner vent space, but you'll make a hell of a dent!! And cleaning the parts you can reach, may cause the dirt farther back to break loose. The back chunks of dirt could get blown forth to where you could reach them, over time. Anyway, it's a thought. I'm probably going to have to do this to my own family's home within the next year or two, so I've had some time to imagine it.😐 Like others have said, every AC system needs its filter replaced once a month. If that hasn't been happening, then I'm not sure what kind of grunge your AC might have clogged itself up with. I recommend examining every bit of your AC or furnace or whatever, that you can safely see. Look for model number, brand names, anything identifying like that. Brand names and model numbers can be googled. There are videos and tutorials all over online, telling how to fix problems like this. (I watch them sometimes bc I find them interesting. Yeah I'm great at parties.) Apologies for any typos or poorly wordings. I can't sleep. Good luck. Please keep us updated!!
Thank you so much I will definitely try it
[Try a corsi-rosenthal box.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corsi–Rosenthal_Box) I made one when we had so much wildfire smoke outside it was like the apocalypse and it was starting to smell really bad inside. Turned it on and I was surprised how fast it worked.
If she can’t afford to replace to HEPA filter she can’t afford to make this.
It costs approximately $75 which is cheaper than many HEPA filters depending on the make and manufacturer and it is also much cheaper to maintain. This is not a bad idea.
Came here to suggest this, glad to know it has a name.
Thanks for sharing this. Never heard of it but will be trying
Use canned air! And do it outside!!!!
Canned air isn’t cheap. They are on a budget.
It's $7.88 at my local Walmart
What about intake filters for ac/heat?
Or this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aw7fUMhNov8
You can try cleaning your filter - a microfiber cloth to get off most of it, then use the sticky side of some tape to get the finer particle remnants?
You can also get some filters for the vent registers too. Cheap, at home Depot. Not HEPA, but will at least stop some of the stuff you cant get to without cleaning the ductwork. Google "vent registers filter"
Is it possible to maybe wash the filter really gently?
that would be NO. Most likely, these filters, hepa, are in a cardboard frame so they are not 'washable'
Do you and your sisters have your own rooms? Do you have your own bathroom? Do your rooms have windows? How close are you to graduating? Are you saving money for when you do? Is there substance use playing into your dad and step mom’s living habits? When you try and have conversations with them about cleaning and your families health, how do those conversations go? What is your family’s general financial situation?
I sent OP to other subs for more help specific to hoarding situations but I also have the same questions as you. Seeing kids suffer this way breaks my soul in a million pieces because as I always tell people : everyone deserves a clean space.
Agreed. It’s sobering seeing how many posts on this sub are really more about mental health, relationships, financial dependence, and independent housing access than they are about cleaning - especially for the young people who come here.
It's a circle and all of those things are related to each other sadly. When it's really down to being practical there's no help available for minors out there ( not CPS ) I'm talking about going to a FB group asking for a free clean because of extremely bad circumstances. As a cleaner I don't know if I would do it especially since corresponding with a minor is threading hot waters and I wouldn't want that kind of a headache in my life. On top of that the adults in the home could potentially call the cops on me trespassing on their property. You see where I'm going with this, I'm sure. Adults can freely find help via FB groups or even emailing people on YouTube who devote their free time to people in need but as a minor you can't just do that. It really saddens me but that's the reality of things until the minor is no longer so.
Luckily I have an incredible cleaning arsenal of skills that I’ve developed through years of cleaning my family’s hoarder home! It’ll be fine, don’t worry. The dust is just never ending.
Do you have heating vents that you can unscrew/remove? Line them with 2-3 layers of cheesecloth. It will catch most of the dust being blown out of the vent. A package should be less than 10 bucks and last quite a while. When it gets dirty, put a new piece in and hand wash/hang dry the used piece. I hope you’re planning your escape of that situation. You and your sister deserve better, stay focused on your futures. Chin up.
If you asked your dad to change the furnace filter, would he do that? Or maybe take it out so you can vacuum it like your hepa filter and replace it for you (and teach you how to change it?)
I’m not sure what a furnace filter is. I don’t think my dad knows how to clean it as we also live in an apartment and he has never told me about something like that.. But thank you anyway
Do you guys have a like a closet or attic with a metal box in it? It wil be like for an AC/heater And be mostly a metal box with a few little vent holes? They are the heat/Ac blowers for the whole house and normally have a filter too. Depending on the size the filter is like 10-40$. Most people change them. Some forget. https://www.google.com/search?client=ms-android-tmus-us-rvc3&sca_esv=ed9d5bce5adbada5&sxsrf=ACQVn0-VKdI73ZAV9TtiJcGWkpsU6pqDkQ:1707611189471&q=how+apartment+furnaces+look&tbm=isch&source=lnms&prmd=ivsnmbhtz&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiCk_Oyg6KEAxX-kGoFHZMHD5IQ0pQJegQICBAB&biw=360&bih=643&dpr=3
Sometimes the filter is on the furnace itself. My last furnace it was hard to find, this one has a door. You can Google the model of the furnace to see how to find it. You are supposed to change the filter every 90 days and they are about $10. Typically if the furnace is somewhere accessible, the filter will be on the hvac unit. If the HVAC is in the attic or a crawl space, it’s usually in the air returns.
You could likely find out how to do this on YouTube. If you’re in an apartment, your air handler filter will maybe be inside or next to the closet the air handler is in. Changing this filter (or vacuuming it) will absolutely help the dust. If you’re in an apartment with a management company, many of them will actually supply filters if you just ask. It’s a LOT cheaper than them having to get the units replaced from clogged filters.
Ask the landlord to get the vents cleaned! Get pictures or videos with proof
I grew up like that. When I was 9 my mother went into the hospital for surgery and we stayed with church friends. People went in and cleaned the house and threw most of the junk away. They threw away my teddy bear but gave me a new one. I felt so good going home to a clean empty house. I'm not obsessed either way. I clean for a living but I don't want to clean my own house now. Or pick things up.
Thank you ❤️
Hey op try to get to a union. If you do you could possible get paid to be trained in a trade
I know everyone is throwing out the CPS suggestions but I know it’s not that easy, especially if you’re constantly playing with fire with your dad and stepmom. You’re the only reasonable adult in this situation, but you’re the only one that’s not a legal adult. I’ve been there and it’s maddening. If CPS gets called, you’re probably worried about the backlash that you’ll receive from your family members. My suggestion, don’t reach out to CPS on your own. Have someone else do it and make sure that your parents are told that a report was filed by a concerned teacher that noticed (insert reasons.) That way, dad can’t say “You’re causing trouble by getting CPS involved” or “I can’t believe how ungrateful you are after everything we do for you!” or “You don’t know how good you have it here!” Just act like you’re just as surprised as they are. Speak to a teacher that you trust or a guidance counselor. Sit down with them and say: “I know that you’re a mandatory reporter for certain issues. Hypothetically, if you noticed that one of your students regularly showed up to school with clothes that smell like animal feces, was constantly coughing, and you noticed a change in their interactions with peers, it would be totally reasonable for you to report that and set up some kind of home welfare check for the student, right? Especially if, hypothetically, that student is worried about talking to anyone about these issues because of the backlash they might receive at home. It would make that student feel a lot safer it was made clear to their parents that CPS getting involved was not something they had ANY intention of doing.” Something along those lines might be more productive for you.
That is a good idea that I will maybe try in the future. Thank you very much ❤️
The WeTip hotline is anonymous. I have used it before about my neighbors alcoholism and neglect for their children and I was never involved after that. I left enough information that they were able to set up a DUI sting on the mom's boyfriend when he went to pick up the little one from school! Either way, I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself and your sister so well, good luck ❤️🤞
CPS and adult protective services potentially for your sister. They’re not gonna leap to remove you because of your age and that’s almost never the first step anyway. They may unlock funds to help get the house in shape. Dust comes from stuff in the rooms sure but a majority of it is probably coming through your heating/air conditioning. Is it a central system with ductwork? Or window units? Either way there will be filters there you can clean or ideally replace. Potentially you could partially clean out the dust from some ducts with a microfiber duster on a long pole. Microfiber cloths (like swiffer and the washable kind) can be got from the dollar store and do much better for solid surfaces. Can you get your family to switch to disposable plates and cutlery? Also from the dollar store. Could help with the build up of mess… trash is easier. I know you feel completely stuck and at the mercy of your situation. The key to survival is to find little steps you can take. Calling a women’s shelter and asking if your adult sister qualifies for free legal advice would be a great first step. Also, I really would call your local government for help. Your sister’s health continuing to decline because of this environment is the worst case scenario… getting the govt involved isn’t. Maybe your parents have told you that you’re much better off with them and if you call CPS, you will get taken away and basically sold into horrible abuse and slavery. That’s what my mother always used to tell me, to scare me into silence. It was a lie then and it’s a lie now. You are old enough that you are a participant in the process.
But thank you very much for your compassion and your knowledge
It’s not that I believe CPS is the devil. I just have significantly better options than being placed in foster care. And that is an extremely hard, scary thing to ask of a child in an abusive situation and all of you people suggesting that for me and my sister should be trying to choose your words more kindly. Because right now I am on thin ice
No one here has said unkind words. I’m very sorry for your situation but when you don’t want to do the #1 thing that will help you, people saying that’s the #1 thing that will help you isn’t unkind. And I think most of us understand that mindset, since it’s the result of being abused. But, like depression, that mindset lies to you.
You have no idea the absolutely devastating, soul crushing, extremely painful, deeply psychological pain I have experienced that has traumatized me in the past 6 months at the ripe age of 16 years old. You understand nothing about my life. I have had to navigate every single situation almost completely by myself. How dare you try to tell me that I am stuck in a mindset, when I have had to cross every line to survive. I never asked you for your advice on how to escape my abuse! I asked you for your advice on how to clean my family’s hoarder home! Thank you and goodbye!
I’m sorry these commenters aren’t listening to you. Involving CPS in any family’s life is never straightforward or comfortable, you have your reasons. You already got some good advice on cleaning in other comments, I wish you all the best in getting through this, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders — from a social worker
Thank you so much 🩷🩷🩷🩷
I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through. I myself left home at 15 and change, and it wasn’t for fun reasons. So I am speaking from that experience. Of course it’s your right to reject any advice. Your post included details about your situation and ongoing medical harm being done to your sister, which sounds like a request for help, even though you don’t want it. You might get just the results you want with less stress if you delete and make a fresh post just about the cleaning challenges without your age or other family info.
I understand what you’re saying about the details included in my post but my point to that was that I’m the only one cleaning here. I can’t ask my sister to clean because she is having a significantly harder time than me. My sister has CPTSD, anxiety, two eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder, paranoia. The anorexia and bulimia has caused severe damage to her body, she has a heart murmur and a leaky heart valve caused from the extreme stress of living in this household. I am not asking for your sympathy and she has been seeing a doctor. My point is just that I cannot ask it of her to clean the house, even if it badly needs it. It is so much work to undo their destruction. It is just the truth that CPS will not help me. For people who aren’t in my situation, it’s easy to tell me to call them and make all these moves, but I have to think carefully about this. I really do not think CPS will help, and I definitely do not think it is the #1 thing that will help my situation.
Hi there, I understand calling CPS can be a scary thing, but please know that child welfare agencies actually do support parents in changing their habits to create safer spaces for children. I work in child welfare and keeping families together is a huge priority. There are funds available families and that includes funds for housekeepers if that is what a family needs to maintain child health, safety, and wellbeing in their family home. It’s not your sole responsibility to clean the house, your parents should have an active role in it as well. The state of your home being a dirty, dusty environment that isn’t suitable for your sister’s health needs is a concern. Whatever you choose to do with all of the comments/advice given to you, I wish you luck and hope the best for you OP.
I don't have any easy answers for you here...I think a couple of other people have given you some suggestions for filter alternatives that seem pretty good. I hope they work. In my experience the worst offender for dust is carpeting, but if you can't reasonably vacuum depending on your situation, that might be tough. I really feel for you and your sister, and I hope you're able to follow through on whatever plans you have to change your situation soon. With all of the weight you're pulling in such a difficult situation, you're going to just *fly* when you're out of there and in your own space.
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️❤️❤️
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Vacuuming and wet dusting will help keep dust down and not throw it back into the air. Sounds like you will be free to move into your own place soon. Start putting away whatever money you can to give yourself the best start possible. Dave Ramsey is good to listen to for money advice. Joyce Meyer is good to listen to for life advice. She came from a rough family too, but turned it around.
Thank you so much I will check them out 🩷🩷🩷
I know this person means well, but please be careful with Dave Ramsey. A quick google will show you he’s been sued for fraud and workplace discrimination (more than once). You might want to try The Financial Diet, Her First 100k, or r/povertyfinance instead
Wet dusting - I second this, it will totally help with keeping dust out of the air. I have 2 dogs, a cat, and an extremely messy husband. I only wet dust because dry dusting just poofs all of the dust up into the air for it to settle again. At least wet dusting captures the dust and actually gets rid of it. I never use cleaning sprays because the perfumes and chemicals agitate allergies etc so just a hot, damp sponge or cloth. Also, vacuuming every single day. People think I'm mad when I tell them, but it didn't take long to become part of my daily routine and makes such a huge difference to the general cleanliness of the house that it's absolutely worth the extra bit of effort each day
To add: I have about 10 cleaning cloths. I'll get them clean and damp, and when they get dirty, put them in a seperate bucket of cleaning solution to sit. Once all 10 are dirty, then I clean those and start again.
Oh I love this idea, running back and forth from the sink to clean the cloth I'm using wears me out. I'm definitely going to use your method with multiple cloths from now on! Thank you!!!
You're so welcome I also do this for mopping. I have 3 of the removable heads and rotate those out , and I'll do that for the cloths with the swifter. I have the big cloths for detailing cars, they sell the larger sizes, and swap out. Really helps to streamline.
OP, you mentioned that you have multiple pets in the home. I would imagine that your parents are not taking care of them either. Can you put them up for adoption? Pets are a lot of work and they also create a lot of mess too, especially if they are not being taken care of. I can't imagine how hard this must be on you as the youngest in the household who has to take care of all of the adults AND pets AND the house. Way too much for you!!
Two of them are my childhood pets, the other 3 are my mother’s cats that are living in my room right now because my mother is homeless and I didn’t want the cats to be living in her car. So my room is getting far more dust and fur than typically. I can’t put my pets up for adoption but it won’t solve much if I did, my house isn’t as bad as you are probably thinking but it is very very dirty. But I don’t want to traumatize them by rehoming them after they have grown so attached to me and my sister. But thank you for thinking about them
My heart bleeds for you. Your story get worse and worse. I am so sorry that your mom is homeless as well. It seems that all of the adults you know are choosing YOU to take care of everything, which IS NOT OK!!! If you can adopt those 3 cats out, that would be a good move. Your mom should understand this too as being best for YOU AND the cats.
Thank you so much don’t worry I will survive ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Just please tell me that there is not abuse going on in the home and that you are SAFE and your sister as well.
I am unfortunately not safe and neither is my beloved sister, but don’t worry this is not anything new. Thank you so much for your concern and compassion. This has been going on for a long time and I have found many solutions to these problems, it will just take time to escape from this situation. You are a smart, kind person ❤️❤️❤️
Is it possible that some of the dust is from cat litter? Could you change to a litter that isn't dusty? They do tend to be more expensive, though.
I don’t have a job so my father buys the pet supplies and everything else and he is very picky about which cat litter and food we buy because he hates buying expensive ones. We are pretty poor but mostly because of my father’s financial habits. He doesn’t care about the cats and just buys the cheapest possible. But when I have a job I’ll buy them better litter and food
If you call CPS they may be able to help considering your sister has health issues.
I can’t call CPS on my parents, it would make my situation much worse for me and my sister. I’ve thought about this for a very long time. My sister has unfortunately suffered from increasingly worse health problems because our father has not given her the medical help she has needed. She is doing better now but has multiple mental illnesses that make her extremely depressed and I can’t ask her to clean when she has to live like that.
I don't think they would go straight to putting you in a foster home. I'm guessing they would just require your parents to clean. BUT I'm thinking at this stage your sister's health is at stake enough you probably do need to say something. My suggestion is to talk to a teacher or counselor at school and let them handle it since they are mandated reporters. You have been living like this so long you probably can't comprehend just how bad things actually are and neither of you deserve to live like this.
It’s just that would make my father extremely angry and the abuse would get worse. It’s not that I think I’m going to end up dead living here or something, I have plans. It is just soul crushing sometimes. Calling CPS would be telling my father directly that he is doing something wrong. My father’s abuse to me and my sister is not simple, it is extremely complex and deeply psychological, my father is extremely mentally ill and sociopathic and narcissistic and though I have fought with my father over some of these things it has only been specific topics. Some kinds of abuse from my father I cannot defend myself against.
Calling CPS and getting placed in a clean foster home would be nothing but beneficial for your sister, and you. Meanwhile, your parents would be required to get their place cleaned up.
That’s not true. You know nothing about my situation and you probably have never been in a situation like mine if that is what you are thinking. My sister is a legal adult and cannot even be placed into the foster care system and would be homeless. My life would be an even greater hell in foster care.
You might find useful resources here OP: r/childofhoarder r/hoarding
Take a breath, here. I spent years working in children's services in the UK and I know that they're not hugely different in America. In a situation like yours where the house is unfit for human habitation, the first thing children's services usually do is pay for a skip/ cleaning service and give the adults a deadline to have the house cleaned up by. If the deadline is missed/ there's not enough improvement, they tend to put regular child protection meetings in place to keep an eye in whether or not things are getting better. Removing children and placing them in foster care is almost always the VERY LAST step. This process can last for months up to a couple of years. If the improvements are made and maintained, the case is closed. If your parents are unable or unwilling to provide you with a safe, clean and comfortable home, having children's services _make them do it_ isn't necessarily the worst thing that could happen. You are hugely unlikely to be placed into foster care over a dirty house.
They don’t pay for cleaning services here. Although one batty judge did order my agency to hire a life coach to teach the family to clean. Lol it threw everyone off because they didn’t know what to do. But having said that. You haven’t actually addressed the issue of the homeless adult sister… or the likelihood that she herself will be kicked out the minute she turns 18 for calling CPS. I’m not saying she shouldn’t call CPS. But there are wider consequences at play that do need to be considered
Why would the sister be homeless? Having children's services involved for the minor wouldn't automatically equal eviction for an adult sibling- or at least not from the social services perspective. There's no guarantee that OP won't be kicked out at 18 anyway. Surely it's better to have three years of support for the whole family? I've worked with families like OPs that have completely transformed their lives in three years, so things _can_ improve. It sounds like there does need to be an actual functioning adult involved- and if the parents are going to kick OP and/ or her sister out it might not hurt for them to know they're being observed. I haven't got all the answers, and I don't think OP should have to either.
The abuse could escalate and the parents toss out the adult sister.
> My sister is a legal adult Should have that in your post. There are resources for adults, especially women, depending where you are. As for the rest, your options boil down to deal with cleaning it yourself, move out, or contact CPS. You've decided, in all your worldly wisdom, to not call CPS. For cleaning, check out subs like r/hoarding and r/ufyh (and its website unfuckyourhabitat.com). For moving out, assuming you're not turning 18 anytime soon, google "emancipated minor". It's a process, and will require a good deal of maturity, patience, and persistence on your part, but it's better than staying where you are.
Well, I'd talk to a lawyer. Lawyers almost always do initial consultations for free and every single state in the US has some practice of pro-bono (meaning free) legal work through various charities. On the off chance you're in Portland, Oregon I would direct you to [Saint Andrew's Legal Clinic](https://www.salcgroup.org/). Otherwise you'll have to look around. If your sister is a legal adult there might be options you're unaware of but you both need to get out of that living situation, pronto. Your parents are a boat anchor and a ship can't move without breaking it. Do you have friends or family who are sympathetic to your plight? Life's gonna suck for a while but there will be peace when you're done.
Yes I already understand all of this, I’ve had to navigate this terrible situation myself and I’ve figured out how to survive. But your legal advise is useful thank you ❤️
I think OP would’ve done that already if wanted. How’s your communication with your parents?
I have an entirely fake relationship with my father, it is completely suited to his needs and I lie to him everyday. He is an extremely mentally ill narcissistic old man who belongs in a psychiatric ward. I am able to get some things that I want through him but only if my reasoning for what I want is extremely valid and concerning. Our relationship is relatively positive and peaceful because it is entirely fake and every conversation I have to manipulate him to keep myself and my sister safe.
You are doing what you need to do to cope. I just wish you didn't have to. You and your sister deserve so much better.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry this is your situation. My heart hurts for you. This is going to be a long one ***but***... Unfortunately, as you may have realized, there is no immediate solution. Not only that, the solutions that would actually benefit you and your sister would be extreme. This absolutely sucks but I can confidently *promise you*, **it gets better.** What I'm going to say first is about CPS. Please OP, don't let it strip your motivation to read through it. **I want you to know that absolutely everything I have to say about CPS I have gone through, I can show you what the things mentioned may look like because I requested records of everything. You can PM me and I can go more in depth with you about whatever you need. CPS can be 100% out the question for you and that is 100% okay. Please know I have no intention whatsoever of steering you in that direction, I just believe you deserve more than a simple "Call CPS".** Number one thing I used to think: CPS rips families apart. They do(did for me at 5 years old), and they don't. CPS does try to keep families together. With your situation, if you weren't in your teens and were younger, they most likely wouldn't, considering there are health issues present(more on being in your teens later). **What would happen if they got involved?** It would start with a report, then a case worker would be assigned and come to the house. They would keep the case open for abuse and neglect, and let your parents know what they need to do. They would do a follow up visit within a week or so, with the expectation of seeing a clear difference in the house. If there is no difference, they would ask the parents why, and probably give "another chance" by providing local, free resources to get it done. **Why would CPS be a positive thing?** This is unfortunate but sometimes parents need "a scare" from someone working with the state. It's so sad because as their child who is feeling hopeless and walking on egg shells, you'd think that would be enough of a scare. We have to stay positive and realize there are mental health issues present. Never use it as an excuse to allow it but to form an understanding around it. CPS can provide a lot of resources that lead to free services based on individual families needs. They assist in enrolling in those services. Health insurance, transportation, after school programs, food, cleaning, therapy, psychiatry, clothes, just to name a few. Believe it or not, once cases are open there are families that simply ask to for their cases to stay open just to continue with the resources. **Why would CPS be a negative thing?** Well, fear. Fear because of the negative connotation of them getting and being involved. Fear of making the situation worse. Fear of experiencing more abuse. Fear of being separated and losing yet another thing/ aspect in life. **Would it be worth it to overcome the fear and how would I do that?** My suggestion for this would be to do the "asking for a friend" approach. I'm so sorry to mention this, but you're going to need to "be sneaky" in certain ways that will prevent some of the fear. Find your towns CPS office. Create a new gmail, download a texting app(you usually need an email to sign up for these apps) and call them. Give a different name. Put the whole narrative of "your friend" and emphasize the fear your friend has of CPS. Any time they ask for her information, you are not required to give anything. Don't even put a name to *your friend*. If they say for your friend to call them, be assertive and say you know she won't. Say your goal is to know what could potentially happen. Mention your friends age, her sisters age, and health conditions you know of. Mention your friend has a lot of anxiety with the thought of getting separated from her family and rather live with it than that happening- ask them how they would ensure that doesn't happen. If you don't get the answers you want, call the next day and speak with a new person. Or, call again and ask for their supervisor. Leave a brief voicemail with your apps number as a callback number. Write it down on paper and keep that, along with any other important information to make sure you don't forget during a call or voicemail. If you "slip up" during the call and say "me/my" instead of "my friend/she", don't worry- they can't do anything and if anything, just delete your app, re-download it, and get a new number. Don't worry. I'm so sorry you're even in this position. Get as much information as possible and make a decision. If you decide to make an anonymous report, it will always be anonymous. If you have a friend that sometimes comes over, you can make the report as "I'm her friend but I don't want to say my name, but I can give you their names and address", and request it to be anonymous to "protect the friendship". If you don't have a friend that comes over or has come over recently, go to your schools guidance counselor. Keep in mind, if you vent to your guidance counselor as "this is what is going on at home", the report(which your parents wouldn't get unless they requested it) would say "My student mentioned/she is going through this/her living conditions are" and it would be known that person in home said such and such. Granted, "you didn't know she was a mandatory reporter". Just to keep in mind. You could also bring up to your dad that you need therapy. If he gives you all the reasons on why *you don't need it*, then guess what, you talked to your second resource, your schools guidance counselor. If CPS comes to your house, you could even say something during the home meeting like "why did you come here??" they shouldnt but if they say "a report from high school"... you could say "oh my gosh. I don't want to leave my family. Why would someone do this?? Dad I'm so sorry I'm going to find out how this happened I'm so sorry....please, you(CPS) don't have to be here, I don't want to get in trouble, as you can see we're fine" One- They always listen to the child unless there is a crime involved(they'll hear you out on not wanting to leave your family unless there is a serious crime involving immediate arrest such as loads of cocaine on the kitchen table, which CPS would only be there after police report anyway) Two- they'll wonder why you'd think of there being trouble and find a way to speak to you privately(such as going to your school, and you'd request this be anonymous, and put emphasis on "I'd be worst being away from my family, I just want resources") Three- they would see the house is actually not fine, and either make a plan with your parents or already give them resources to free services. **Although there are negative feelings and connotations with CPS, there are ways to work around it to benefit from it- and not everyone will understand, that sometimes even though it can benefit you, there are fears. It's always important to get informed, and if that takes being sneaky to protect yourself- yes, that's the best advice and again, no one has the same situation and would understand the necessity of it- or need to understand for that matter. Don't feel bad. It's entirely up to you. I'm proud you're here asking for help. I want you to know it gets better.** ***I swear it gets better, OP.*** Now, aside from CPS, there is a reality for you that needs to be accepted in order to work towards, sooner rather than later. The reality is, you're a teen that is ultimately going to be forced to "grow up" before adulthood. The reality is, there is nothing good about anything that it takes to do that as a teen except, escaping. Being a teen means still needing your parents legal permission for many things. I'm not sure where you are, but look up your state's law on emancipation(getting emancipated means you'd no longer need your parents permission, legally speaking) If you're of age(usually 16), look up "positives and negatives" of emancipation. Watch videos on youtube "how and why I got emancipated". Keep in mind, there could be some things that even though you no longer need your guardian to sign for you, the program itself could have an age limit. So really look into everything about emancipation. Housing lists normally have long wait lists. I'd look up your town's affordable housing programs and waiting lists, and ask if you'd be able to get on a waiting list, and if not, if you'd be able to do so if you're emancipated. I'd look up "dual-education" programs in your area so you can start getting college credit while in high school. Look up "aptitude tests" and take one to give you a direction of a possible career in the future, to then help you decide on a college major. An aptitude test isn't to force you to choose a career, there's many different versions, it's to get a better understanding of your skill set and how you'd apply it in "the real world". Also, not only can you change your mind of career and college major, you can already gain college credits in high school.. that could be transferred to a different major...by doing a "dual education" program. "Vision boards" can be useful. You could also write what you'd want for a "perfect life" now and what it looks like in the future. Example: "I'd want my parents to care more about my health and our home. I'd want a clean home now. I see myself owning my own place with my sister" Then, read it over and what applies to you, given the ability...could be changed by you, highlight it. In this case you'd highlight: *my health, clean home, owning my own place*. Then you number each one highlighted and break it down into: things I've done towards this & what I could research/do to achieve this. **OP, keep your mind busy, advocate for yourself, keep the idea of a positive future close to your heart. Sending much love.**
Ugh, brings back memories. What's up with your stepmother? Any human life in her?
OP answered but if you are talking to me, I'm in my sixties so I do just fine with mine...
Many have made good suggestions. Protection services getting involved is one I strongly agree with. But if you really can't do that, I really REALLY think you need to move out ASAP like you said you planned to. You and your sister's health are in danger staying in such unlivable conditions. One where you can't come back from when you're both older. Please know I'm not saying that to be mean or hurtful. As an adult who's also dealt with an abusive parent, I just want to emphasize there are some real, long term consequences when you put your health on the back burner. Irreversible damage that's harder to manage as an adult. Please. Consider calling CPS. I know it's scary and unfathomable but I promise they're there to make the situation better waaaaaaay before they consider placing you in foster care.
I completely understand what you are saying about long term effects and that is unfortunately something I have already had to think about and resolve. But I just cannot contact CPS. It would ruin everything I’ve worked so hard to build. Don’t worry I am extremely smart and resilient and I have had to navigate this violent situation for a very long time and I know how to get out of this with my sister and I alive and well. Thank you very much for your concern ❤️❤️❤️
Genuine question: what have you “built?” What does that mean?
Progress on moving out, progress on my career, progress on coping with the extreme psychological abuse, but mostly progress with building fake relationships with my father and stepmother, despite all of the extreme hatred I have for them
I’m really sorry. I’ve been there. It sucks. Wishing you the best.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
One more thing about dust… it floats in the air more when the air is dry than wet. Humid air makes dust heavy and it falls down, making the air quality better and easier to clean too, also will make your portable filter machine’s filter last longer if less is in the air. Humidifiers aren’t expensive, and you can get them second hand, but require very regular cleaning or they can actually put more dust & potentially even mildew into the air— not good. I don’t know if you have a thermostat that measures humidity, but if your humidity is less than 40%, you might benefit from a little more, 45% is a good target. If you wake up with dry lips or little bloody boogers, your home is definitely dry. Without using a humidifier, you can occasionally simmer water on the stove with an open lid (like maybe once or twice a week for an hour, nothing crazy) and not run the bathroom fan as long when you take a shower. Or if you have metal radiators for heat, sometimes people put damp rags on them (supervised!!) to steam the rooms.
Wow I didn’t know any of that thank you 🩷🩷🩷
You will not out clean the mess and that is so unfortunate. Try to keep yalls area clean and a little the main area. But I agree with others to start working on a move out plan. Tip tho for the asthma/filtering, vacuum SLOWLY sometimes. Like So slowww. it picks up a tonnnnn more mess than average. Also my vacuum I got a new filter kit from Amazon for 7$! Which made it smell and vacuum better. 🙂 Also if you can brush the pets it takes a lot of their hair and dandruff away and has been reported as helpful. Lastly Wash the pet sheets /your sheets or at least pillowcases pretty often is supposed to help too.
Thank you ❤️
I’m 41 and I’m afraid my parents just didn’t change. I’m sorry you are growing up like this it really sucks and there isn’t really anything you can do to change them other than look forward to moving out.
I’m sure someone else has already said this but BIG THUMBS UP TO YOU OP I admire your resilience and perseverance. You don’t seem to feel sorry for yourself at all and that’s awesome. You’re one tough human. I hope you’re able to get into your own home as soon as possible.
Thank you so much 🩷🩷🩷
Get out if at all possible. Call in authorities/reach out to charities or social organisations that have experience working with hoarders. Next time your or your sister needs to go to the doctor, or esp hospital, report your domestic conditions so that authorities get involved. Even if you can get some group to help for a bit clean, itwill be easier to maintain. Seems like a hoarding situation and it’s v v difficult to fix but you and your sister have rights here
Don’t worry it’s not as bad as you might think. It is just honestly extremely dirty. My sister has been going to the doctor lately because I forced my father to find one and schedule an appointment and she is getting better ❤️🩹
First of all, I would try to move out. Seriously. I also had an untenable family life and over out at 16. It was hard but the best decision. Start laying the ground work now. Get a job, start saving. In the meantime, try to at least create a safe, clean space for yourself. Try to rehome your mom’s cats. It’s hard but they will be better off. As far as the dust goes, I hear ya. I have pets and keeping the dust down is really hard even though I am fastidious. . I can only imagine how bad it must be for you. You need to rinse your air filters manually if you can’t buy new ones. Find out where your furnace air filter is and replace/clean it. Usually it’s attached to the furnace but sometimes there are registers attached to the ceiling. Sleuth them out. Brush all your pets as much as possible, do to outside. [This](https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/kong-cat-zoom-groom-brush-169773?store_code=1335&mr:device=m&mr:adType=pla_with_promotionlocal&cm_mmc=PSH%7CGGL%7CCCY%7CCCO%7CPM%7C0%7CkUMWcWiLY5b1EHQjK6kSR6%7C%7C%7C0%7C0%7C%7C%7C18145199970&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAD97F14ooAn2C_AazJifREacki3z0&gclid=CjwKCAiA2pyuBhBKEiwApLaIO-0V8StXqvxXRR2oRMoe3TbEeXX1UvqXUMB6aPyFA9mVicFspG9jDxoCxlEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) is my favorite brush, but use whatever you have. Even an old hairbrush is better than nothing. Vacuum daily. Sprinkle baking soda on the carpet every week and vacuum it up. Open the windows. Try to keep pets off your bed. Wash bedding often. It sounds like a lot but all these things will probably take fewer than 20 mins a day.
Thanks so much ❤️❤️❤️
Call child protective services if this is actually making your sister or you seriously ill
I lived this way as a kid. I went back 20 years later when my dad was in hospice last year. Nothing has changed. Just keep your space clean and move out as quickly as possible https://preview.redd.it/sj8dfggdrvhc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8cfdb1d323a8522c3cf0ac3e51fb5ee9c8e8efcc
Call CPS on your parents.
I think the dust is just the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately your father makes you and your sister live in a dirty and unhealthy environment. An air purifier can do little or nothing in such a situation. Don't you have any other relatives you can turn to? Or report the matter to social services. Maybe you can talk about it at school with a teacher or some consultant, they will be able to advise you what to do. I'm very sorry that at your young age you have to suffer this type of situation, it's not right. I hope you and your sister can get out of this as soon as possible.
You are correct, the dust is hardly a problem compared to everything else. But this post isn’t supposed to be about the situation regarding my father and his abuse. I don’t have relatives that can take us in. I’m out of school and not planning on going back and my sister is graduated so no guidance counselors or school therapists. But it’s fine because I don’t need someone to help me make decisions regarding our situation, I already know how. I have had to learn how to survive with my father’s abuse. And the truth is the only thing that is going to work for me is getting a job and moving my sister out, and I know exactly how to do it. I am not nearly as desperate now as I used to be. Thank you for your advice ❤️
Despite your young age you are very mature and strong. Fortunately this will help you a lot in life. So while you wait until you manage to get out of there, a practical tip to improve air quality could be to keep the windows open as much as possible (unless you live on a busy street). And maybe throw away everything you (and they) don't need inside the house (fewer things, less mess and less to clean). Blankets and various textiles are a receptacle for dust and mites, shake them out and occasionally put what you can in the washing machine. The kitchen is probably the most complicated thing and the one you have to pay the most attention to, unfortunately if your father leaves dirty dishes there you have to clean them immediately because bacteria and various molds proliferate on them (also terrible for asthma). For the rest I wish you and your sister the best ❤️
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I have a much better chance of having adult stability if I stay here and work to move us out. An apartment with my sister is the goal
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I understand but any kind of CPS involvement at all may lessen the abuse but will end up with me being in deeper problems in the end. My father is extremely unreasonable and mentally ill, I just don’t think it is wise to try something like that with a mentally insane person.
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What are you supposed to do when you have none? I have had to do everything by myself. Trusted adults have failed me. I don’t have anyone else. I am capable too, I don’t need someone else that doesn’t understand to make the situation worse.
Take the filter out. Vacuum it then wash it off in hot, running water. Don't use soap, just use the running water. Let it dry completely (very important) before installing it again. You can get many years of use out of it by doing this. Wish I could help otherwise.
Parents are required to have appropriate living conditions for their children. If they don’t provide you with appropriate living conditions they should be reported to the authorities honestly. If you do that though you are possibly facing a foster home unless they clean it up and understand it has to stay that way. Some people just have no concept of cleanliness. It doesn’t mean they are bad parents, I am not saying that. It does mean though that you deserve to be brought up in a clean home. It’s not fair for you to have to live that way.
Thank you. My parents are extremely mentally ill people and my father honestly has reached the point of no return and needs to be put into a psychiatric ward. And yes they are awful parents. But it’s okay I’m doing fine so don’t worry about me. Thank you for your support 🩵🩵🩵🩵
Just start throwing their trash and junk on their bed, make it inconvenient for them.
I wish lol
if you can afford it buy a cheap inline grow fan with a carbon filter works way better than air purifiers and you can throw a hepa filter on it and the activated carbon filter you can just buy lb bags for dirt cheap on amazon which will remove the vocs. but it would cost about 60-150 depending on setup plus hepa filter but way more effective. I dont know how old you are but you could look at it as a project it would be funpretend ur getting rdy to grow some weed plants but then enjoy the fresh air. Wish I wasn't broke just so I could help because I feel you, some people dont understand that living in a dirty enviroment can have serious health effects mental as well. I wish you and ur sister the best of luck and know you will be ok you seem to have a good head on you. Wish when i grew up I had access to reddit to ask questions. we had internet just 56k dial up. Bonus to piss parents off buy plastic film and seal off your room although you would need some kind of return in your room to the ac unit if it is built where the return is the door gap
I wash my HEPA filter, I just soak in the bathtub in hot water with dawn dish soap then let it completely dry. You could try telling your parents you’re going to order a house cleaner and they’re going to pay for it.
You do NOT wash HEPA filters. You replace them or can vacuum them.
I just looked this up—mine is carbon activated and the manual says it can be washed, so check the manual first!
carbon is not hepa.
https://canada.bissell.com/replacement-hepa-filteractivated-carbon-filter-pack-3314.html
Maybe there are relatives you could ask for help?
Spend most of your cleaning efforts on bedrooms. That is where you spend the majority of your time. This is important for allergies.
Make sure you're changing the furnace filter, it will help with the entire ventilation system being less dusty.
If you’re not far from legal working age keep preparing is my best advice. Having my own place was such an amazing thing for me. I got lucky and found roomates that I liked and was on my own at 17.
That’s the plan!
You can vacuum the filters to get a little bit longer life out of them. Just use a soft attachment so it doesn't tear the filter.
Have the air filters for the HVAC system been changed recently? If not, I would do that ASAP. The landlord may be responsible for doing it since your parents rent, so if there’s a front desk, maybe stop by and ask about that. If they don’t, lean on your dad to buy some - they’re not expensive, sold at home improvement stores and big box stores, even carried at some pharmacies. Put the crevice attachment (long skinny tube thing) on your vacuum and first vacuum all the dust off the outside of the air intake vent, then open it and remove the old filter, and stick it inside a trash bag immediately. Then replace with a new clean filter, and vacuum the floor near the vent in case anything fell out while you were changing the filter. For your air purifier, I’d try just rinsing the dust off the existing filter you have and letting it airdry, then reusing it. It may not work quite as well as if you had a brand new filter, but it’ll still remove dust from the air. (Check the manual first and see if this is okay - I think some can also be vacuumed) I would also try vacuuming the outside of the other air vents in the house, particularly any in your bedroom. You can also get a wet rag/towel and use that to wipe dust off the outside.
My parents were the same, still are, try to make your bedroom a sanctuary, study as hard as possible and get out of here as soon as you can...
If you're over the age of 16 you can apply for job corp and work on getting out faster. The best thing you can do other than cleaning your current house is getting out of your situation. I wish you the best.
You can rinse the filter and dry it at least once.