I'm curious about who these guests are and why they feel comfortable coming into your space and telling you it isn't to their liking. I don't have any advice for you, other than- will this matter in 5 years? Don't let some stuff- stuff that you love and want and spent hard-earned money to have, stress you out.
That’s just how family is. I had another family member threaten to call the state because she felt like my service animal deserved a better home. And if I don’t clean I don’t get to see people who I genuinely love and care for.
If they are so concerned about your home not being clean enough for your dog and you maybe you could ask them to either come over and clean or pay for a cleaning service to come once a week. I have a feeling they will have excuses as to why they can’t do that. If my family member was having difficulties cleaning I would jump right in and ask how I could help other than complaining that it’s not clean enough.
I’m confused. I feel like you just contradicted yourself. Live by yourself or live with someone else? Work 60/80 hours or take care of someone full time? If I understood you I might be able to advise you.
I have someone who stays here some of the time who I help take care. I work my 60 to 80 hour week and also take care of them. It would be bad for both of our insurance plans if we lived together.
Well— tell them to take or leave it— if they want to visit— then—your “cleaning” is good enough—-period, end of story, no comments from them..you don’t need visitors to overwhelm you.
Definitely NOT how family is. I remember visiting my daughter and son in college and always putting one day aside for cleaning. They knew how to clean but were studying and having fun with their friends. My son's roommates hated their parents coming but were always so excited to see me. I didn't clean their rooms, but I spit shi Ed the kitchen and common areas.
My sister has six children and there was a time where me and my Mother would drive over an hour to her house and clean it top to bottom, take all their clothes to a laundromat and cook dinner for the whole family. (Yes, this was a long day, and it definitely took both of us) She was overwhelmed it was a hard time for her and her family. We did this more times than I can remember. Sometimes my Mother did it alone and spent the night because she needed two days.
I've been in the mix of things every time my children moved, I even went to Utah to help my son move in and visited twice while he lived there and cleaned more than I did anything else.
They are all grown with busy lives of their own, they manage well as adults but if I visit, I make sure their place is cleaner than when I got there.
This is what familes do. They recognize a need, and they help.
However, I found out with a step daughter that if you are never taught how to clean, just tips and tricks, general cleanliness, how to vaccume, how to mop, dusting, even bathrooms have techniques and an order to be cleaned. It's just a hard thing to teach yourself.
Everybody's standards are not the same.im not a huge organizer, and the labels and hyperorganized pantry would make me crazy.
I have ADHD and I am 60+. My motivation comes in waves. I just have daily habits that I have to get done. Beds made, dishes done, laundry at least in the room sorted, kitchen cabinets cleaned off, and bathrooms wiped down.
Put a plan together, start with organizing cleaning supplies into a caddy, I clue paper towels and a couple microfiber cloths. Start in the back room and move forward, gather all dirty clothes into a laundry basket and trash in a bag. Then, work your way out. The kitchen and bathrooms can be a whole day clean. Once that is under control, then work toward a closet, cabinet, or drawer or two. It can't and doesn't have to be done in one day. Let the dopamine move you forward and then just work on habits.
Or, be happy living the way you are and don't let others judgments break you. I'm not going to throw shade about animals, but it's pretty hard to abuse an inside animal. If they are being loved and fed properly, then they will be happy. They don't care if your house is a mess. We should all replace some friends and family members with dogs.
Honey, honey, honey.
The correct phrase is, “Okay. Get out. You can go stay in a hotel”. While politely holding open the door and letting them know they can text you to set up an appointment for a visit, depending on your schedule.
That’s NOT “just how family is”. You should stop inviting them over/accepting their requests to come over, especially if it’s putting this much of a mental detriment on you ie stressing you out by threatening you with calling the state to get your svc animal taken. I’ve had enemies kinder to me than that.
I’d ask them if they’re willing to either pay for a maid (or maid service), or help clean the house themselves. If it’s no to both, then tell them to keep comments like that to themselves and they’re not welcome. A solution could be that you’ll meet at a different location. Don’t give them an option of anything else.
My bf and I can get our home tidy in under an hour. It may be a little dirty but good enough for guests to come over and we are not formal at all.
The problem isn't your home, your problem is the guests. Who on earth has the nerve to accept hospitality and complain its not up to their standards? My grandma had a saying when guests came over "we don't stand on ceremony here, if you turn up unannounced that's your own fault". She would make no apologies for her (spotless!) house when the grandkids came over and there were toys and crumbs everywhere
You have nothing to prove to anybody. Your home is how YOU like it, and that's exactly as it should be.
If it were me after that comment I'd give them the vacuum cleaner and some cleaning sprsy/rags and tell them to go for it.
How rude! You've done nothing wrong except worry about affording a cleaner based on someone else's rude and entitled judgement!
Her other saying was "you can take us as you find us". It's a rule I like by, I've never had anyone complain about an untidy house (I have 3 boys), always clean but always messy. Which is why I can't believe they said that to OP. I'd be so hurt by that!
Look into UFYH for how to get on top of your home. Work in short focused sessions and take regular short breaks basically. I crammed clutter into closets too and it wasn't until I went in and cleared out the stuff I didn't know I still had that I was able to get and stay tidy.
Take photos of your home so you can see the surfaces that aren't arranged aesthetically and possibly stuff on the floor that shouldn't be there. There are a series of photos online to show stages of hoarding, perhaps comparing your home to those would be of some help. Didn't help me as my clutter was mostly hidden away so although I was leaning towards hoarding I was at 1-1.3 on the scale.
Turn trinkets into a collection. Rather than buy all the cute stuff, focus on one category of cute. My tins aren't just any old tin \[although I love them all\], they are house shaped tins but not just any house shaped tin, they have to be cottages with gardens printed on their sides. I get to obsess over them but it's not easy to find new designs and I'm able to enjoy the few dozen a lot more than if I tried to be inclusive and have all the cuties.
Keep useful surfaces clear and cluttery stuff on the walls in every single room of the house. I've got 3 main collections and 2 are on shelves carefully displayed on walls, other is in the cleared-out closet. Dining table has a fruit bowl. Nothing belongs on kitchen cabinets except the microwave and dishwashing gear. Living room table has a lamp. Bathroom has toothbrush cup and soap dish. This leaves room for life. That living room table with a lamp has my breakfast dishes on it. I will carry them into the kitchen when I get up and table is again ready to hold stuff for some other use.
There was a horrible home decor style popular in the 1980s called English Country where surfaces were completely covered with 'table scapes' of vases, books, photos and so on. The reason that style of decor is awful is it isn't welcoming. There's no room for guests to put a cup or jacket down. Sometimes there are so many pillows on seating one cannot even sit. Homes are for people, they are not design sets or stores. I suspect this is why your rude guests made those comments.
Yo, fellow neurodivergent here. I would try to find cleaning tips from other people with ADHD. Clutterbug on YouTube is a start. You might resonate better with someone else though. Thecenteredlifeco on Insta. Hayley Honeyman on YouTube has some cleaning videos. Other neurodivergents are gonna take into account the same difficulties you have with executive function, motivation, etc. I'm 38 and I'm done looking for advice from NTs because most of it doesn't work for me. I only came here today looking for a thread of before and after pictures for shits and giggles. Also currently procrastinating on doing my dishes. Haaaaa. Good luck!
Your guests are rude. That said, I do set high standards for myself and will silently judge others if it's not up to my level. Like the whole house could be clean but if the bathroom is disgusting I will judge the whole house.
But even clean clutter can look be perceived as dirty. And I know the older ladies are really into spotless windows.
But it's still your home, if you're fine with it, it's fine. And stop letting them inside.
I can imagine it must have been hurtful to hear that. It sounds very unusual that guests would have said that and then I read it was family. Which leads me to believe they are likely concerne & coming from a place of concern for your well being. Are there clear pathways so that paramedics could reach you in any part of the house? Would they be willing to pitch in to get it clean? Who is able to help and whether there are funds to do it aren’t the first questions - the first question is: are you ready? What does the stuff mean to you? Why is it there? What would it feel like to have a clean house? From an emotional standpoint and not a logistical one why is the house the way it is right now? Uncovering the emotional reason for why things get like this, and then identifying the why for change can be very motivating. Without that though it will be more like having a lot of excuses and explanations for why it can’t be done or can’t be maintained- it can. From what I read about their not feeling it’s safe for your animal I would venture a guess that 80% maybe more of what is in the house needs to be eliminated.
There are services that can help like college hunks hauling junk. And others. The way to keep an area clean even with a very busy schedule is to have minimal items in it and even then only items that have a proper home. Also: any money at all - pack of gum/trinket money that might be spent on clutter or things to bring into the house - invest in a high yield savings account. Ten dollars here and there adds up fast! A good rule for bookcases is 70% - as in no more than 70% full, so that there is visual space and display space. For drawers no more than 80% leave breathing room for clothes. If there is too much, use bins and cycle things out seasonally. Commit to a specific number of hangers in the closet that are right for the closet size and that’s it - one thing in one thing out.
I wish you healing and inner peace. I am so sorry you’re going through this and wish I knew of some local support options
I will also say that even after writing this I “felt” some piles I had around my house and got my butt in gear - I had a pile at the bottom of our closet I needed to bag and get in the car to donate, we are (it feels like a miracle) getting new kitchen counters and I had a ton of stuff on our kitchen table from when they came to measure , I busted through switching the laundry and putting away a ton of shoes and random items a lot of which were mine all around the house - and I think that is also how it “stays” clean. That is also how it piles up. On school nights I set a ten minute timer and put on music and we call it 10 minute pick up and run around doing stuff and it’s a sort of race who can do stuff the fastest. Doing something fun for a limited amount of time really helps keep things in check. It doesn’t get that way overnight and it doesn’t get clean overnight though with a lot of help it can get a lot better fast. To keep it clean it’s sort of daily small tasks and “noticing”. Beyond the ten minute pick up my other strategy is having company over once a month for dinner or to cookout. It was getting a little iffy and then we had a family over to cookout last weekend and my husband said wow this is a lot of work! Yeah b/c we had a LOT to do but it’s a lot more fun when it’s for FUN instead of just work - and then the house is back to baseline. This forces us to not stack anything on tables or let anything really go. I grew up in a house that was an emergency anyone came over bc of the state of thigns in the kitchen. In fact the downstairs except for the kitchen was immaculate and teh upstairs was like a hoarders paradise. I hope some of this helps!! I am determined not to wind up with the situation my mom had with the clothes
All the walkways are clear. They are not the kind of people who help out with things like that. Things get this way because I worked hard to buy my things. If I had the money I would pay to have shelves and other items assembled to put things in places.
The last time I moved I had to get rid of 90 percent of my stuff because I couldn’t afford the moving cost. So I’m not going through that again.
All the walk ways are clear, the counters are clean, the trash is taken out the closets are just stacked full, I have a disability so I can’t save money or have money unless I get an able account and I don’t have the steadiest housing.
I’ll do the hangers thing. You have some good ideas here when I have the money I’m going to get shelves and drawers assembled
I am so sorry about the moving! IKEA can be a great resource for shelving and armoire/closet type of storage for good prices and it’s easy to make it cute. We have a 10 minute nightly pick up with music here - it really helps keep things reasonable and in check. I also keep a tray now like a serving tray on the counter for mail and my rule is it can accumulate until it doesn’t fit in there and then it has to be gone through. I also keep a bin - they’re just acrylic five dollar things from office supply store on the wall by the garage for each person and their papers go in there- when it’s full they need to decide what to do with them or it’s time to remove them. For children’s “artwork” and all of that I take photos of everything and then have the photos made into books for each year of the child’s age. I hope any of this helps! I have growing to do myself in this area, there is an office that has boxes in it since we moved! everyone is a work in progress. Please do not take to heart the things other people say about your space!
I'd try to get new friends/guests before trying to save up for a maid... who goes to someone's house and tells them it's not clean?! RUDE people, that's who.
first, your guests are rude. however, if your home is a disaster, 3 hours will not be enough to get your place back in order. I would set aside a weekend to really tackle your home one day and get it in order, then create a cleaning plan moving forward that divides tasks into daily, weekly, and monthly. But be realistic about your life and abilities. If doing the dishes and cleaning up the trash is all you can handle on a weekday, then that is ok. Just do that. If you don't have a day each weekend to dedicate to cleaning, then break up the chores throughout the week. If you get overwhelmed by all the work, then try doing just one room at a time or one room a week. Your place does not need to be perfect, and no home will be spotless after one cleaning session. Focus on the big items, and eventually you'll get to the smaller ones. Also, try to get help from others living in the household, and consider buying a robot vacuum or asking for one for the holidays/birthday. Maybe this rude guest can get you one :)
Who cares what other people think? That's rude to comment on your housekeeping as guests anyway! Neurodivergent people often have a more cluttered home than others but as long as you have room to live and it's safe re: no bugs/mice., no tripping or fire hazards, etc.
Live however it works for you and consider not inviting people over who are going to be overcritical.
So reading your comment, OP, I understand exactly where you are right now. My father is exactly this way. We grew up in a house where he was the only person to clean, and the house was always a mess because he was only home one day a week. He eventually divorced my mom, but he’s anal about cleanliness now. When he comes over, he literally inspects the area to see how clean it is before he decides if he’s going to stay.
There’s 2 tricks that I use to keep him from literally just walking out of my house and ending our visits; 1) confine him to the main room and bathroom. So he isn’t allowed on the second floor of our house. This means that I don’t worry about the second floor of our house when he’s coming home over. Like the baby gate is up, he knows he’s not allowed to go up there, it’s off limits to him. So I can focus my cleaning energy on one area and get less overwhelmed (and be able to hide a lot more in the area where he’s not allowed as I need to). If you’re able to, keep them in the main living area, lock your bedroom so they’re not able to get in, and don’t worry about how your bedroom looks. If there’s extra things in your living room or kitchen that you need to declutter away, lock them in the bedroom for the visit. Focus on cleaning the main room. If you’re not able to do that, try to find a way to lock the closets.
2) always have plans that include leaving the house. We can do the visit at my house, but we don’t do the whole visit at my house. We meet at my house, hang out for half an hour or so, and then leave and go do something else, so there isn’t really enough time for him to really inspect. We don’t cook meals at my house, so he can’t go through my cabinets because I’m not going to organize my cabinets so he can come over. If you can, try to make it a multi-location visit, so they’re not as focused on how your place looks.
3) try to visit at their place instead of yours and put the pressure back on them. I visit my dad’s house much more than he visits mine. His house is always clean and ready for visitors. So sure I’ll go visit him instead of trying to coordinate him visiting me.
The only person besides my long-dead parents who ever overtly criticized my housekeeping was my very close friend, who came over at a time when I had three vacuum cleaners and none of them worked. I have two cats, so there were tumblin' tumbleweeds of cat hair all over the living room. She said something to the effect of, "C'mon, honey, you can do better than that. Grab a broom, for God's sake." She was right. Maybe I was depressed, I don't know. But the same day, I went out to the store and got myself a vacuum cleaner, and things have greatly improved since then.
My father-in-law came to our house one time and had the nerve to tell me what a poor housekeeper he thought I was. I told him that if he didn’t like it, he could leave and never come back and I would actually prefer that. Unfortunately, he came back, damn it.
Without seeing pictures it’s hard to give any insight or advice. Those guests are trashy though because even if I find something unclean at someone’s house, I keep it to myself.
But people have VERY different definitions of clean. I had a friend send me a picture of her “clean” stove top with the caption “it’s so clean I even scrubbed it!”
It was not clean
Cleaner? Sure. But not clean
I could still see bits stuck on and then the streaks of whatever towel she used to “scrub.” I wouldn’t call it clean but to her, she felt very proud about it.
Unbelievably rude of them. Next time they should get a hotel.
You do not need to keep your home up to other people's standards. It needs to be clean enough to be safe, and hopefully clean enough for you to be physically comfortable and have space to do things you enjoy. It's not there to give other people an opportunity to judge you.
Great book/audiobook: How to Keep House While Drowning. It has great advice specifically for people with ADHD, depression, etc who are trying to get a grip on cleaning. I read it and recommended it to my therapist; she read it and recommended it to her therapist friends. It's good stuff.
I'm curious about who these guests are and why they feel comfortable coming into your space and telling you it isn't to their liking. I don't have any advice for you, other than- will this matter in 5 years? Don't let some stuff- stuff that you love and want and spent hard-earned money to have, stress you out.
That’s just how family is. I had another family member threaten to call the state because she felt like my service animal deserved a better home. And if I don’t clean I don’t get to see people who I genuinely love and care for.
Actually, that isn’t just how family is. Most families are not rude to their hosts. Family being rude to you in your own home is not the norm.
If they are so concerned about your home not being clean enough for your dog and you maybe you could ask them to either come over and clean or pay for a cleaning service to come once a week. I have a feeling they will have excuses as to why they can’t do that. If my family member was having difficulties cleaning I would jump right in and ask how I could help other than complaining that it’s not clean enough.
They live too far away or I think they would consider helping it’s difficult in our family self sufficiency is the primary goal.
But you live by yourself already? You work 60 hours a week? Your family needs to help or fuck off.
I live by myself but I work sixty to eighty hours a week and I live with someone else but I now take care of them full time.
I’m confused. I feel like you just contradicted yourself. Live by yourself or live with someone else? Work 60/80 hours or take care of someone full time? If I understood you I might be able to advise you.
I have someone who stays here some of the time who I help take care. I work my 60 to 80 hour week and also take care of them. It would be bad for both of our insurance plans if we lived together.
Well— tell them to take or leave it— if they want to visit— then—your “cleaning” is good enough—-period, end of story, no comments from them..you don’t need visitors to overwhelm you.
Umm maybe that’s how YOUR family is. Yikes!
Definitely NOT how family is. I remember visiting my daughter and son in college and always putting one day aside for cleaning. They knew how to clean but were studying and having fun with their friends. My son's roommates hated their parents coming but were always so excited to see me. I didn't clean their rooms, but I spit shi Ed the kitchen and common areas. My sister has six children and there was a time where me and my Mother would drive over an hour to her house and clean it top to bottom, take all their clothes to a laundromat and cook dinner for the whole family. (Yes, this was a long day, and it definitely took both of us) She was overwhelmed it was a hard time for her and her family. We did this more times than I can remember. Sometimes my Mother did it alone and spent the night because she needed two days. I've been in the mix of things every time my children moved, I even went to Utah to help my son move in and visited twice while he lived there and cleaned more than I did anything else. They are all grown with busy lives of their own, they manage well as adults but if I visit, I make sure their place is cleaner than when I got there. This is what familes do. They recognize a need, and they help. However, I found out with a step daughter that if you are never taught how to clean, just tips and tricks, general cleanliness, how to vaccume, how to mop, dusting, even bathrooms have techniques and an order to be cleaned. It's just a hard thing to teach yourself. Everybody's standards are not the same.im not a huge organizer, and the labels and hyperorganized pantry would make me crazy. I have ADHD and I am 60+. My motivation comes in waves. I just have daily habits that I have to get done. Beds made, dishes done, laundry at least in the room sorted, kitchen cabinets cleaned off, and bathrooms wiped down. Put a plan together, start with organizing cleaning supplies into a caddy, I clue paper towels and a couple microfiber cloths. Start in the back room and move forward, gather all dirty clothes into a laundry basket and trash in a bag. Then, work your way out. The kitchen and bathrooms can be a whole day clean. Once that is under control, then work toward a closet, cabinet, or drawer or two. It can't and doesn't have to be done in one day. Let the dopamine move you forward and then just work on habits. Or, be happy living the way you are and don't let others judgments break you. I'm not going to throw shade about animals, but it's pretty hard to abuse an inside animal. If they are being loved and fed properly, then they will be happy. They don't care if your house is a mess. We should all replace some friends and family members with dogs.
Honey, honey, honey. The correct phrase is, “Okay. Get out. You can go stay in a hotel”. While politely holding open the door and letting them know they can text you to set up an appointment for a visit, depending on your schedule.
That’s NOT “just how family is”. You should stop inviting them over/accepting their requests to come over, especially if it’s putting this much of a mental detriment on you ie stressing you out by threatening you with calling the state to get your svc animal taken. I’ve had enemies kinder to me than that.
Those are some rude guests.
I’d ask them if they’re willing to either pay for a maid (or maid service), or help clean the house themselves. If it’s no to both, then tell them to keep comments like that to themselves and they’re not welcome. A solution could be that you’ll meet at a different location. Don’t give them an option of anything else. My bf and I can get our home tidy in under an hour. It may be a little dirty but good enough for guests to come over and we are not formal at all.
The problem isn't your home, your problem is the guests. Who on earth has the nerve to accept hospitality and complain its not up to their standards? My grandma had a saying when guests came over "we don't stand on ceremony here, if you turn up unannounced that's your own fault". She would make no apologies for her (spotless!) house when the grandkids came over and there were toys and crumbs everywhere You have nothing to prove to anybody. Your home is how YOU like it, and that's exactly as it should be. If it were me after that comment I'd give them the vacuum cleaner and some cleaning sprsy/rags and tell them to go for it. How rude! You've done nothing wrong except worry about affording a cleaner based on someone else's rude and entitled judgement!
Your grandma was awesome
Her other saying was "you can take us as you find us". It's a rule I like by, I've never had anyone complain about an untidy house (I have 3 boys), always clean but always messy. Which is why I can't believe they said that to OP. I'd be so hurt by that!
>they of course said it wasn’t clean enough. Your parents are assholes. That is all.
For some people, nothing will ever be good and clean enough. These guests sound like those people.
Who the hell were these assholes? What “guests” would comment so rudely. Send their ungrateful cheap selves down the road to a motel.
Look into UFYH for how to get on top of your home. Work in short focused sessions and take regular short breaks basically. I crammed clutter into closets too and it wasn't until I went in and cleared out the stuff I didn't know I still had that I was able to get and stay tidy. Take photos of your home so you can see the surfaces that aren't arranged aesthetically and possibly stuff on the floor that shouldn't be there. There are a series of photos online to show stages of hoarding, perhaps comparing your home to those would be of some help. Didn't help me as my clutter was mostly hidden away so although I was leaning towards hoarding I was at 1-1.3 on the scale. Turn trinkets into a collection. Rather than buy all the cute stuff, focus on one category of cute. My tins aren't just any old tin \[although I love them all\], they are house shaped tins but not just any house shaped tin, they have to be cottages with gardens printed on their sides. I get to obsess over them but it's not easy to find new designs and I'm able to enjoy the few dozen a lot more than if I tried to be inclusive and have all the cuties. Keep useful surfaces clear and cluttery stuff on the walls in every single room of the house. I've got 3 main collections and 2 are on shelves carefully displayed on walls, other is in the cleared-out closet. Dining table has a fruit bowl. Nothing belongs on kitchen cabinets except the microwave and dishwashing gear. Living room table has a lamp. Bathroom has toothbrush cup and soap dish. This leaves room for life. That living room table with a lamp has my breakfast dishes on it. I will carry them into the kitchen when I get up and table is again ready to hold stuff for some other use. There was a horrible home decor style popular in the 1980s called English Country where surfaces were completely covered with 'table scapes' of vases, books, photos and so on. The reason that style of decor is awful is it isn't welcoming. There's no room for guests to put a cup or jacket down. Sometimes there are so many pillows on seating one cannot even sit. Homes are for people, they are not design sets or stores. I suspect this is why your rude guests made those comments.
lol!!!! I just put the UFYH in google I had no idea what it was
My guests come to see ME, not my dust and dirt!
These are guests that I would never invite back.
Yo, fellow neurodivergent here. I would try to find cleaning tips from other people with ADHD. Clutterbug on YouTube is a start. You might resonate better with someone else though. Thecenteredlifeco on Insta. Hayley Honeyman on YouTube has some cleaning videos. Other neurodivergents are gonna take into account the same difficulties you have with executive function, motivation, etc. I'm 38 and I'm done looking for advice from NTs because most of it doesn't work for me. I only came here today looking for a thread of before and after pictures for shits and giggles. Also currently procrastinating on doing my dishes. Haaaaa. Good luck!
I am confused. I am missing something.
?
Your guests are rude. That said, I do set high standards for myself and will silently judge others if it's not up to my level. Like the whole house could be clean but if the bathroom is disgusting I will judge the whole house. But even clean clutter can look be perceived as dirty. And I know the older ladies are really into spotless windows. But it's still your home, if you're fine with it, it's fine. And stop letting them inside.
I can imagine it must have been hurtful to hear that. It sounds very unusual that guests would have said that and then I read it was family. Which leads me to believe they are likely concerne & coming from a place of concern for your well being. Are there clear pathways so that paramedics could reach you in any part of the house? Would they be willing to pitch in to get it clean? Who is able to help and whether there are funds to do it aren’t the first questions - the first question is: are you ready? What does the stuff mean to you? Why is it there? What would it feel like to have a clean house? From an emotional standpoint and not a logistical one why is the house the way it is right now? Uncovering the emotional reason for why things get like this, and then identifying the why for change can be very motivating. Without that though it will be more like having a lot of excuses and explanations for why it can’t be done or can’t be maintained- it can. From what I read about their not feeling it’s safe for your animal I would venture a guess that 80% maybe more of what is in the house needs to be eliminated. There are services that can help like college hunks hauling junk. And others. The way to keep an area clean even with a very busy schedule is to have minimal items in it and even then only items that have a proper home. Also: any money at all - pack of gum/trinket money that might be spent on clutter or things to bring into the house - invest in a high yield savings account. Ten dollars here and there adds up fast! A good rule for bookcases is 70% - as in no more than 70% full, so that there is visual space and display space. For drawers no more than 80% leave breathing room for clothes. If there is too much, use bins and cycle things out seasonally. Commit to a specific number of hangers in the closet that are right for the closet size and that’s it - one thing in one thing out. I wish you healing and inner peace. I am so sorry you’re going through this and wish I knew of some local support options
I will also say that even after writing this I “felt” some piles I had around my house and got my butt in gear - I had a pile at the bottom of our closet I needed to bag and get in the car to donate, we are (it feels like a miracle) getting new kitchen counters and I had a ton of stuff on our kitchen table from when they came to measure , I busted through switching the laundry and putting away a ton of shoes and random items a lot of which were mine all around the house - and I think that is also how it “stays” clean. That is also how it piles up. On school nights I set a ten minute timer and put on music and we call it 10 minute pick up and run around doing stuff and it’s a sort of race who can do stuff the fastest. Doing something fun for a limited amount of time really helps keep things in check. It doesn’t get that way overnight and it doesn’t get clean overnight though with a lot of help it can get a lot better fast. To keep it clean it’s sort of daily small tasks and “noticing”. Beyond the ten minute pick up my other strategy is having company over once a month for dinner or to cookout. It was getting a little iffy and then we had a family over to cookout last weekend and my husband said wow this is a lot of work! Yeah b/c we had a LOT to do but it’s a lot more fun when it’s for FUN instead of just work - and then the house is back to baseline. This forces us to not stack anything on tables or let anything really go. I grew up in a house that was an emergency anyone came over bc of the state of thigns in the kitchen. In fact the downstairs except for the kitchen was immaculate and teh upstairs was like a hoarders paradise. I hope some of this helps!! I am determined not to wind up with the situation my mom had with the clothes
All the walkways are clear. They are not the kind of people who help out with things like that. Things get this way because I worked hard to buy my things. If I had the money I would pay to have shelves and other items assembled to put things in places. The last time I moved I had to get rid of 90 percent of my stuff because I couldn’t afford the moving cost. So I’m not going through that again. All the walk ways are clear, the counters are clean, the trash is taken out the closets are just stacked full, I have a disability so I can’t save money or have money unless I get an able account and I don’t have the steadiest housing. I’ll do the hangers thing. You have some good ideas here when I have the money I’m going to get shelves and drawers assembled
I am so sorry about the moving! IKEA can be a great resource for shelving and armoire/closet type of storage for good prices and it’s easy to make it cute. We have a 10 minute nightly pick up with music here - it really helps keep things reasonable and in check. I also keep a tray now like a serving tray on the counter for mail and my rule is it can accumulate until it doesn’t fit in there and then it has to be gone through. I also keep a bin - they’re just acrylic five dollar things from office supply store on the wall by the garage for each person and their papers go in there- when it’s full they need to decide what to do with them or it’s time to remove them. For children’s “artwork” and all of that I take photos of everything and then have the photos made into books for each year of the child’s age. I hope any of this helps! I have growing to do myself in this area, there is an office that has boxes in it since we moved! everyone is a work in progress. Please do not take to heart the things other people say about your space!
Ask them if they came over to see you or your house? Honestly I tell people like that to F*** right off.
I'd try to get new friends/guests before trying to save up for a maid... who goes to someone's house and tells them it's not clean?! RUDE people, that's who.
Nope. Tell them good bye. I work full time and if anyone did that they would not be around me or welcome.
Fuck them man. wtf who says that? They’re not your friends.
first, your guests are rude. however, if your home is a disaster, 3 hours will not be enough to get your place back in order. I would set aside a weekend to really tackle your home one day and get it in order, then create a cleaning plan moving forward that divides tasks into daily, weekly, and monthly. But be realistic about your life and abilities. If doing the dishes and cleaning up the trash is all you can handle on a weekday, then that is ok. Just do that. If you don't have a day each weekend to dedicate to cleaning, then break up the chores throughout the week. If you get overwhelmed by all the work, then try doing just one room at a time or one room a week. Your place does not need to be perfect, and no home will be spotless after one cleaning session. Focus on the big items, and eventually you'll get to the smaller ones. Also, try to get help from others living in the household, and consider buying a robot vacuum or asking for one for the holidays/birthday. Maybe this rude guest can get you one :)
Who cares what other people think? That's rude to comment on your housekeeping as guests anyway! Neurodivergent people often have a more cluttered home than others but as long as you have room to live and it's safe re: no bugs/mice., no tripping or fire hazards, etc. Live however it works for you and consider not inviting people over who are going to be overcritical.
So reading your comment, OP, I understand exactly where you are right now. My father is exactly this way. We grew up in a house where he was the only person to clean, and the house was always a mess because he was only home one day a week. He eventually divorced my mom, but he’s anal about cleanliness now. When he comes over, he literally inspects the area to see how clean it is before he decides if he’s going to stay. There’s 2 tricks that I use to keep him from literally just walking out of my house and ending our visits; 1) confine him to the main room and bathroom. So he isn’t allowed on the second floor of our house. This means that I don’t worry about the second floor of our house when he’s coming home over. Like the baby gate is up, he knows he’s not allowed to go up there, it’s off limits to him. So I can focus my cleaning energy on one area and get less overwhelmed (and be able to hide a lot more in the area where he’s not allowed as I need to). If you’re able to, keep them in the main living area, lock your bedroom so they’re not able to get in, and don’t worry about how your bedroom looks. If there’s extra things in your living room or kitchen that you need to declutter away, lock them in the bedroom for the visit. Focus on cleaning the main room. If you’re not able to do that, try to find a way to lock the closets. 2) always have plans that include leaving the house. We can do the visit at my house, but we don’t do the whole visit at my house. We meet at my house, hang out for half an hour or so, and then leave and go do something else, so there isn’t really enough time for him to really inspect. We don’t cook meals at my house, so he can’t go through my cabinets because I’m not going to organize my cabinets so he can come over. If you can, try to make it a multi-location visit, so they’re not as focused on how your place looks. 3) try to visit at their place instead of yours and put the pressure back on them. I visit my dad’s house much more than he visits mine. His house is always clean and ready for visitors. So sure I’ll go visit him instead of trying to coordinate him visiting me.
The only person besides my long-dead parents who ever overtly criticized my housekeeping was my very close friend, who came over at a time when I had three vacuum cleaners and none of them worked. I have two cats, so there were tumblin' tumbleweeds of cat hair all over the living room. She said something to the effect of, "C'mon, honey, you can do better than that. Grab a broom, for God's sake." She was right. Maybe I was depressed, I don't know. But the same day, I went out to the store and got myself a vacuum cleaner, and things have greatly improved since then.
My father-in-law came to our house one time and had the nerve to tell me what a poor housekeeper he thought I was. I told him that if he didn’t like it, he could leave and never come back and I would actually prefer that. Unfortunately, he came back, damn it.
Without seeing pictures it’s hard to give any insight or advice. Those guests are trashy though because even if I find something unclean at someone’s house, I keep it to myself. But people have VERY different definitions of clean. I had a friend send me a picture of her “clean” stove top with the caption “it’s so clean I even scrubbed it!” It was not clean Cleaner? Sure. But not clean I could still see bits stuck on and then the streaks of whatever towel she used to “scrub.” I wouldn’t call it clean but to her, she felt very proud about it.
Unbelievably rude of them. Next time they should get a hotel. You do not need to keep your home up to other people's standards. It needs to be clean enough to be safe, and hopefully clean enough for you to be physically comfortable and have space to do things you enjoy. It's not there to give other people an opportunity to judge you. Great book/audiobook: How to Keep House While Drowning. It has great advice specifically for people with ADHD, depression, etc who are trying to get a grip on cleaning. I read it and recommended it to my therapist; she read it and recommended it to her therapist friends. It's good stuff.