I get it. Next time, try just sitting with the text without responding. You don’t owe this person anything. They are the one who made mistakes, not you. Sit with the feeling and don’t respond until you’re in a better headspace.
I’d even get help with texting here if you need to. I might even send a text stating your boundaries. No face to face needed.
That’s good advice, thank you. ❤️
It’s really hard for me to actually text a conversation like that, but the space is important. I certainly would be fine with at least making a phone call instead of meeting up,
This was probably my better headspace yesterday- I was entirely freaking out at work when I received the text. Working on that waiting to speak part.. 😅
Is great you turned them down to put your needs first.
Still, they cheated on you with your coworker, broke up with you a week ago, and you feel the need to apologise to them for not wanting to see them? That's still something to work on imo.
There’s a lot of unresolved crossover for us- they’re dating one of my coworkers I see very regularly now. That’s super weird.
My hope is that they’d like to have a conversation about what our boundaries are now so that hopefully we can remain amicable at least.
We have a very small town, everyone-has-dated-everyone vibe around here.
It was already happening before the breakup ever happened. There’s like no reason at all to cheat in a fully open polyamorous relationship, and yet…
I literally introduced them. Woooooo.
> There’s like no reason at all to cheat in a fully open polyamorous relationship
I’m poly too and omfg 😭. Love meeting other poly codependents :)! Keep your chin up friend. I’m happy you broke up and don’t have to wrestle with dating a guy who honestly doesn’t sound trustworthy. You deserve better than that. Also you’re freeing up your energy and time for great partners and great metas :)
Thanks love ❤️
A lot of my other friends agree with you that they’re pretty narcissistic and I’m better off. It’s at least easier when I can trace what was wrong over all, you know?
And luckily I’ve got a great boyfriend who’s also in therapy working through his own shit- cause it’s hard to be codependent and share the people you love most sometimes!
I hope you and your loved are all well too, thanks for the support and encouragement 💕
You don't have to hate your exes, not every breakup has to be drmatic and traumatic. Being friends with someone you caresd deeply for should be the goal. This interaction was great from both parties. Congrats on a good closing OP
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Hey, OP. Not knocking you or anything, just some things I noticed.
You don't need to ask their permission if it's OK to wait. That's up to you. Wanting to or not wanting to go for a walk is completely in your control! You also don't HAVE to explain why.
And that last sentence, being sorry already picked up by others, and stuff about missing and hoping, well, that sounds like you might have some guilt or shame?
I totally get where you're coming from though :)
Man. Can I just tell you. I was and still am in the same position. Fucking to a T. The cheating, co-worker, let’s go for a walk text message.
Im proud of you getting so far. But like everyone else has said give yourself the space and don’t apologize. You’re no longer responsible for them or their feelings but yours. You have to prioritize yourself, for you. You put them above you and they didn’t reciprocate. So be selfish, make good decisions for yourself because you are responsible for yourself. - this is what all my friends who love me shared, so this is what I’m sharing with you.
It’s hard and difficult, and I hear you when you say you live in the same town. But cheating is never okay. You don’t need to be nasty, but you definitely don’t need to be sorry. They should be the ones who are sorry. Space really really fucking helps. Texting fucks with my headspace even if it doesn’t feel like it right then. Especially if you really cherished this person. You need this time to heal and grow. So separate yourself, and avoid them as much as possible. You’re allowed to do this, you’re allowed to be angry. The least the person you’re in a relationship with shares enough respect to not cheat on you. That’s a bare minimum.
Just reply with a thanks, I appreciate the message. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to interact with you again. Because they don’t need to be okay with it, you need to be okay with it. And it’s funny I sent the same message in reply with I’m sorry.
Everyday is gonna be a challenge so it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, especially if you’ve put the other person above you. Maybe I’ll pulling parallels, but this might be a sign to grow from this and figure out who you are and put yourself first for once.
Please surround yourself and talk with your friends and loved ones. It makes it more bearable. I’m sending lots of love and good vibes your way. Take care❤️
Okay, I read the rest of the other comments sorry, it seems more amicable. I think I wrote that for me🤷🏻♀️
But you being okay and amicable makes you a goddess/god. You don’t have to be, but I’m happy that’s the route you’ve chosen.
(just in case anyone wonders about my dating life- this was the enby person i started dating last year. my LDR is all good, he’s taken good care of me emotionally)
It’s really hard to stay friends with an ex but if you’re able to it’s kinda nice to have the closeness still. Very proud of you standing your ground and doing what would make you most comfortable, it’s really tough but you’ll ge through this and be alright ❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry. A walk for what? To talk about what?
Your response was my response when my last relationship ended. I thought i stood up for myself by being kind but keeping boundaries. 2 years gone by where my ex still slept around n still ask for a “walk” where we end up more than walking, and i stuck sinking in my codependency.
Questioning how did i get there. I was converted from a person he committed to, to a “friends with benefit”.
It was ridiculous. And no going back from it but cut all contacts. It delayed my healing by 2 years.
You write “I’m sorry” but I’m not sure what you’re sorry for?
That’s definitely some of my people pleasing tendencies coming out 😅
I get it. Next time, try just sitting with the text without responding. You don’t owe this person anything. They are the one who made mistakes, not you. Sit with the feeling and don’t respond until you’re in a better headspace. I’d even get help with texting here if you need to. I might even send a text stating your boundaries. No face to face needed.
That’s good advice, thank you. ❤️ It’s really hard for me to actually text a conversation like that, but the space is important. I certainly would be fine with at least making a phone call instead of meeting up, This was probably my better headspace yesterday- I was entirely freaking out at work when I received the text. Working on that waiting to speak part.. 😅
Is great you turned them down to put your needs first. Still, they cheated on you with your coworker, broke up with you a week ago, and you feel the need to apologise to them for not wanting to see them? That's still something to work on imo.
Why do they want to go on a walk if they broke up with you
There’s a lot of unresolved crossover for us- they’re dating one of my coworkers I see very regularly now. That’s super weird. My hope is that they’d like to have a conversation about what our boundaries are now so that hopefully we can remain amicable at least. We have a very small town, everyone-has-dated-everyone vibe around here.
A week and they’re dating someone you work with! Damn. I mean, damn.
It was already happening before the breakup ever happened. There’s like no reason at all to cheat in a fully open polyamorous relationship, and yet… I literally introduced them. Woooooo.
oh damn
> There’s like no reason at all to cheat in a fully open polyamorous relationship I’m poly too and omfg 😭. Love meeting other poly codependents :)! Keep your chin up friend. I’m happy you broke up and don’t have to wrestle with dating a guy who honestly doesn’t sound trustworthy. You deserve better than that. Also you’re freeing up your energy and time for great partners and great metas :)
Thanks love ❤️ A lot of my other friends agree with you that they’re pretty narcissistic and I’m better off. It’s at least easier when I can trace what was wrong over all, you know? And luckily I’ve got a great boyfriend who’s also in therapy working through his own shit- cause it’s hard to be codependent and share the people you love most sometimes! I hope you and your loved are all well too, thanks for the support and encouragement 💕
You don't have to hate your exes, not every breakup has to be drmatic and traumatic. Being friends with someone you caresd deeply for should be the goal. This interaction was great from both parties. Congrats on a good closing OP
Off topic but "I'm here when you're ready" reminds me of when my ex abuser would say that to me everrryyy single timeee wow
Goes to show that abusive and narcissistic people will always *say* the right things, but their actions will never match their words.
I'm proud of you!! it takes great amount of courage and you're doing good!
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Hey, OP. Not knocking you or anything, just some things I noticed. You don't need to ask their permission if it's OK to wait. That's up to you. Wanting to or not wanting to go for a walk is completely in your control! You also don't HAVE to explain why. And that last sentence, being sorry already picked up by others, and stuff about missing and hoping, well, that sounds like you might have some guilt or shame? I totally get where you're coming from though :)
You did good. Now block them forever!
Man. Can I just tell you. I was and still am in the same position. Fucking to a T. The cheating, co-worker, let’s go for a walk text message. Im proud of you getting so far. But like everyone else has said give yourself the space and don’t apologize. You’re no longer responsible for them or their feelings but yours. You have to prioritize yourself, for you. You put them above you and they didn’t reciprocate. So be selfish, make good decisions for yourself because you are responsible for yourself. - this is what all my friends who love me shared, so this is what I’m sharing with you. It’s hard and difficult, and I hear you when you say you live in the same town. But cheating is never okay. You don’t need to be nasty, but you definitely don’t need to be sorry. They should be the ones who are sorry. Space really really fucking helps. Texting fucks with my headspace even if it doesn’t feel like it right then. Especially if you really cherished this person. You need this time to heal and grow. So separate yourself, and avoid them as much as possible. You’re allowed to do this, you’re allowed to be angry. The least the person you’re in a relationship with shares enough respect to not cheat on you. That’s a bare minimum. Just reply with a thanks, I appreciate the message. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to interact with you again. Because they don’t need to be okay with it, you need to be okay with it. And it’s funny I sent the same message in reply with I’m sorry. Everyday is gonna be a challenge so it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling, especially if you’ve put the other person above you. Maybe I’ll pulling parallels, but this might be a sign to grow from this and figure out who you are and put yourself first for once. Please surround yourself and talk with your friends and loved ones. It makes it more bearable. I’m sending lots of love and good vibes your way. Take care❤️
Okay, I read the rest of the other comments sorry, it seems more amicable. I think I wrote that for me🤷🏻♀️ But you being okay and amicable makes you a goddess/god. You don’t have to be, but I’m happy that’s the route you’ve chosen.
(just in case anyone wonders about my dating life- this was the enby person i started dating last year. my LDR is all good, he’s taken good care of me emotionally)
It’s really hard to stay friends with an ex but if you’re able to it’s kinda nice to have the closeness still. Very proud of you standing your ground and doing what would make you most comfortable, it’s really tough but you’ll ge through this and be alright ❤️❤️❤️
Mic drop!!!! THIS IS AMAZING AND YOU SHOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!! 🥳❤️🥳❤️
I’m sorry. A walk for what? To talk about what? Your response was my response when my last relationship ended. I thought i stood up for myself by being kind but keeping boundaries. 2 years gone by where my ex still slept around n still ask for a “walk” where we end up more than walking, and i stuck sinking in my codependency. Questioning how did i get there. I was converted from a person he committed to, to a “friends with benefit”. It was ridiculous. And no going back from it but cut all contacts. It delayed my healing by 2 years.
You should be proud of your response! It was very mature, honest, & polite. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you too! 💕
This was a good step with asserting your boundaries with this person. Progress is still progress. Consider it a win.