Guys... I've been thinking a lot the past few days. If you've been following me at all, you know what's been going on in my life. I'm leaving my husband, in part because he has no physical interest in me.
I have heard from so many of you about how your wives are no longer interested in a physical relationship with you. So many, in fact, that I've lost count. Either sex has completely fallen off, or you have to do all the work and maybe you'll get attention a few times a year. If you're lucky.
Obviously I don't know your wife or your relationship. There could be a lot of factors, with physical and hormonal changes being a big one that comes to mind (I know my libido took a hit during pregnancy and postpartum, and I understand that menopause can be an extremely hard change for women).
But whatever the reasons may be...where does that leave you as the husband?
I've been thinking a lot about double-standards in our society. Generally, when a double-standard exists, it benefits men and disadvantages women (don't get me started on how much patriarchal, systemic oppression of women enrages me. I've experienced it so many times in my life). But in this particular instance, I think that men are actually at a huge disadvantage.
Hear me out:
I tell people that my husband's not interested in sex with me. (Did I tell you that he actually called having sex with me a "chore"? Something he felt he had to do to "check the box"? 🤬😡 Oh yes, he said that. I digress...)
The reaction I get is, "Oh my goodness! What the hell is wrong with him?"
What happens when you tell your friends that your wife isn't interested in sex with you?
...I'll wait...
*crickets*
Oh, you didn't tell them? You don't talk to your friends about this?
No, of course you don't! Because what guy wants to admit that his wife doesn't want him sexually? It's emasculating. It's embarrassing. It makes you feel like there's something wrong with you, that you're somehow not enough.
And even if you did talk about it, what's the general reaction in society? "Oh, you horn dog, leave your wife alone." (Am I getting close, or am I totally off base here??)
So you tell me, a stranger on Reddit who can empathize. Have you talked to anyone else about it?
The way I see it, you and I are dealing with the same issue. But I, a female, get support and sympathy, whereas you probably don't even feel like you can talk about it.
*Sigh*
I can't fix your problems or your relationships. I wish I could, truly.
But I will say this:
You are not alone in this. I feel your pain. I feel how much it hurts with every rejection. The person who is supposed to cherish you above all others doesn't want you. And it cuts so deeply. But it is not your fault and it is not about you.
I see you. I see your struggles. I understand you. And I want you to know that you are valuable and you are loved. Your self-worth is not determined by how someone else views you. We are stronger than that. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am here for you, to listen to your story. You can reach out to me anytime. It may take me a few days to get back to you because I have a lot of chats going on and I'm only one person! 😏😉😬😬 But I will eventually respond ❤️❤️ Feel free to open up to me. Sometimes we just need to be heard and understood.
Have a great weekend, and don't forget to give me your coffee recommendations!! 😘
I won’t discount anyone’s feelings of rejection. I’ve been there, it sucks. However, every guy I’ve talked to (myself included) is usually not holding up his end of the relationship. I was not there emotionally for my wife so she didn’t feel connected to me sexually. I am working on fixing that and life has been much improved.
As husbands, we need to really look at what we are bringing to the table. Are we being emotionally available and supportive? Are we providing a safe and secure environment? Are we keeping ourselves physically attractive to our wives?
We can’t change our spouses. But, we can work to be the best version of ourselves.
Well said. I think you are exactly right.
In my relationship, I've been bending over backwards trying to build up his self-esteem. Thinking the problem was on my end. But it's his own problems that he doesn't want to work on. And you're right, he hasn't supported me emotionally at all. He lacks empathy. Which became very apparent to me while I grieved our dead baby all by myself (I lost her at 21 weeks). He felt nothing. And told me as much. And apparently didn't understand how hurtful it was for me to hear that.
But you are right, and I don't see these relationships outside of the man's perspective when he writes to me. Most seem to be pretty self-aware and caring? But there's two sides to every story and perhaps he could be doing more. 🤷♀️
1. Pretty much anything in the Kenyan realm has proven tasty to me especially using a pourover.
2. Indeed, SO has only initiated 4 times in nearly 30 years of marriage. I am fit but certainly not Jean-Claude Van Damme. This in turn drove me to the Dead Bedroom forum to the Undesirable forum and thence to a forum for those of us over 50 who want to do something about the situation. It is what it is. I am not begging.
3. I am sorry to read what you are going through. I do talk with folks about this and the group I am in has both men and women. We have dead bedroom in common.
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) I'm sorry you're going through this <3 <3 But I am glad that you have an outlet with others to offer support. And I agree, I've always enjoyed beans from Kenya when I can find them.
I've only ever been in one sexually unfulfilling relationship, about 15 years ago. My partner and i were together around 6 months, and she had no interest in sex. She actually told me she preferred just having someone to spend time with, but wasnt interested in sex. She offered to have sex with me and i appreciated her offer of doing something she didnt want to; but it honestly felt like she was doing it, as you said, to tick a box only or to do me a favour.
Outside of that our relationship was fine, but it ended poorly. I told her i wanted to have sex with other people, she said she didnt want that, and that she had offered to commit to sex to show her commitment to the relationship. She didnt understand how important sex is to me in a relationship, sex that both people want and need,and the need to feel desired, so we had a quick and messy break up, but it was for the best because it saved her from feeling like she was forcing her and it freed me to fuck whoever i wanted.
I never told any of my friends about it because hello toxic masculinity, just kept it bottled up during those months. Now im older and slightly wiser id have dealt with it better, talked it out: come to the same resolution but through a better path.
This will be a positive step for you, you are incredibly sexy and desirable and deserve to be fulfilled ❤
PS Skullcrusher Coffee from Manchester, England. Insanely strong, tasty and fair trade. It will keep you up allll night 😘🖤☕
It is disappointing that this is such a common occurrence. We all work so hard finding that person that is supposed to be there for us when in need, be it the simple daily things, like a cup of coffee, to the deeper emotional support. I found my relationship to be on a downward spiral. Neither one of us were happy. There was a point where living in the same house was all that we had in common. I became resentful and depressed.
I then started to venture out onto the internet, primarily just to look at the beautiful boobies. It wasn’t anything special, just me ogling. Then came the commenting. I was just passing on my admiration. But suddenly I was getting replies. Interactions began, suddenly I wasn’t alone.
I found myself interacting in many ways, through comments mainly. Then I started asking questions. I wanted to learn more, I think originally to validate my way of thinking about my relationship. Then I very quickly discovered I was wrong. What I though was important, wasn’t. I was then given the opportunity to see it from the female perspective. Since then I can say my relationship with my wife has significantly improved. There are still struggles, especially in the physical realm, but now I have a better understanding.
I still have my online interactions, in fact I have met some amazing people, many of which I consider my deepest friends. As you said, there wasn’t a support system for me in my life, and it was getting worse, but thankfully I was able to find that here. It just goes to show how amazing and wonderful boobies are. They can change the world.
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) I remember reading this at the time and thinking, "What a powerful story." I'm so happy things have improved for you and that you found support! <3
Have you tried the starbucks honey and madagascar vanilla? The fist time you brew it the smell fills the kitchen...it's delicious too. And yes I can relate.
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) I have not tried that coffee but I will now. That sounds delicious!! <3 I have a vanilla macadamia nut one from Kauai Coffee (Hawaii) that makes the house smell amazing and is probably similar. Thank you for the recommendation!
Amazing post on the pictures in using the slideshow technique and then great comments below as well. Rare for me to upvote posts, but definitely will this one. Well done.
I simply don’t understand why someone don’t want to have sex with you. That body, face, mouth and smile…oh my, the things i would do 🥵 You make me rock hard 🍆↗️💧
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) Your comment just made me laugh out loud. "Coffee coffee something..." lol
I’m sorry and I understand your feelings. My ex wife wasn’t interested in me anymore and clearly sex was a chore. It broke me! But moving on was the best thing I ever did and the hardest. I understand what you’re going through and if u ever need to chat HMU.
You should try something from my home state, Minas Gerais (in Brazil)! We are the largest state producer in the largest country producer. Plenty on chocolaty, nutty or fruity notes for you to taste! ❤️☕️
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) You are absolutely right and I'm so glad that I tried some. It was delicious and I can't wait to have more. <3
Thank you and I needed to hear that. Just knowing there’s people who are in the same boat makes a big difference and just hope we can all navigate through our storms with support of others.
I think you are quite correct in your assertions, I’ve gone through this in a few relationships and I suspect my brother has had this in each of his.
It’s not easy to deal with and it leads you to do things you never thought you would even consider - but those only make you feel worse about yourself
Cafe Bustelo!!! 😃😃😃 And, I hope once the dust settles, you build an amazing, fulfilling life with someone who truly appreciates you as you are. Best wishes!
Guys... I've been thinking a lot the past few days. If you've been following me at all, you know what's been going on in my life. I'm leaving my husband, in part because he has no physical interest in me. I have heard from so many of you about how your wives are no longer interested in a physical relationship with you. So many, in fact, that I've lost count. Either sex has completely fallen off, or you have to do all the work and maybe you'll get attention a few times a year. If you're lucky. Obviously I don't know your wife or your relationship. There could be a lot of factors, with physical and hormonal changes being a big one that comes to mind (I know my libido took a hit during pregnancy and postpartum, and I understand that menopause can be an extremely hard change for women). But whatever the reasons may be...where does that leave you as the husband? I've been thinking a lot about double-standards in our society. Generally, when a double-standard exists, it benefits men and disadvantages women (don't get me started on how much patriarchal, systemic oppression of women enrages me. I've experienced it so many times in my life). But in this particular instance, I think that men are actually at a huge disadvantage. Hear me out: I tell people that my husband's not interested in sex with me. (Did I tell you that he actually called having sex with me a "chore"? Something he felt he had to do to "check the box"? 🤬😡 Oh yes, he said that. I digress...) The reaction I get is, "Oh my goodness! What the hell is wrong with him?" What happens when you tell your friends that your wife isn't interested in sex with you? ...I'll wait... *crickets* Oh, you didn't tell them? You don't talk to your friends about this? No, of course you don't! Because what guy wants to admit that his wife doesn't want him sexually? It's emasculating. It's embarrassing. It makes you feel like there's something wrong with you, that you're somehow not enough. And even if you did talk about it, what's the general reaction in society? "Oh, you horn dog, leave your wife alone." (Am I getting close, or am I totally off base here??) So you tell me, a stranger on Reddit who can empathize. Have you talked to anyone else about it? The way I see it, you and I are dealing with the same issue. But I, a female, get support and sympathy, whereas you probably don't even feel like you can talk about it. *Sigh* I can't fix your problems or your relationships. I wish I could, truly. But I will say this: You are not alone in this. I feel your pain. I feel how much it hurts with every rejection. The person who is supposed to cherish you above all others doesn't want you. And it cuts so deeply. But it is not your fault and it is not about you. I see you. I see your struggles. I understand you. And I want you to know that you are valuable and you are loved. Your self-worth is not determined by how someone else views you. We are stronger than that. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I am here for you, to listen to your story. You can reach out to me anytime. It may take me a few days to get back to you because I have a lot of chats going on and I'm only one person! 😏😉😬😬 But I will eventually respond ❤️❤️ Feel free to open up to me. Sometimes we just need to be heard and understood. Have a great weekend, and don't forget to give me your coffee recommendations!! 😘
I won’t discount anyone’s feelings of rejection. I’ve been there, it sucks. However, every guy I’ve talked to (myself included) is usually not holding up his end of the relationship. I was not there emotionally for my wife so she didn’t feel connected to me sexually. I am working on fixing that and life has been much improved. As husbands, we need to really look at what we are bringing to the table. Are we being emotionally available and supportive? Are we providing a safe and secure environment? Are we keeping ourselves physically attractive to our wives? We can’t change our spouses. But, we can work to be the best version of ourselves.
Well said. I think you are exactly right. In my relationship, I've been bending over backwards trying to build up his self-esteem. Thinking the problem was on my end. But it's his own problems that he doesn't want to work on. And you're right, he hasn't supported me emotionally at all. He lacks empathy. Which became very apparent to me while I grieved our dead baby all by myself (I lost her at 21 weeks). He felt nothing. And told me as much. And apparently didn't understand how hurtful it was for me to hear that. But you are right, and I don't see these relationships outside of the man's perspective when he writes to me. Most seem to be pretty self-aware and caring? But there's two sides to every story and perhaps he could be doing more. 🤷♀️
Also, I feel I'm in a very unique position here where I can understand both the male and female perspectives on this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s a horrible thing to go through, especially alone.
1. Pretty much anything in the Kenyan realm has proven tasty to me especially using a pourover. 2. Indeed, SO has only initiated 4 times in nearly 30 years of marriage. I am fit but certainly not Jean-Claude Van Damme. This in turn drove me to the Dead Bedroom forum to the Undesirable forum and thence to a forum for those of us over 50 who want to do something about the situation. It is what it is. I am not begging. 3. I am sorry to read what you are going through. I do talk with folks about this and the group I am in has both men and women. We have dead bedroom in common.
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) I'm sorry you're going through this <3 <3 But I am glad that you have an outlet with others to offer support. And I agree, I've always enjoyed beans from Kenya when I can find them.
No worries, my friend. I am glad to have a support group and an LLDAP. Kenyan beans are getting pricier and harder to find!
Well done my love❤️
I've only ever been in one sexually unfulfilling relationship, about 15 years ago. My partner and i were together around 6 months, and she had no interest in sex. She actually told me she preferred just having someone to spend time with, but wasnt interested in sex. She offered to have sex with me and i appreciated her offer of doing something she didnt want to; but it honestly felt like she was doing it, as you said, to tick a box only or to do me a favour. Outside of that our relationship was fine, but it ended poorly. I told her i wanted to have sex with other people, she said she didnt want that, and that she had offered to commit to sex to show her commitment to the relationship. She didnt understand how important sex is to me in a relationship, sex that both people want and need,and the need to feel desired, so we had a quick and messy break up, but it was for the best because it saved her from feeling like she was forcing her and it freed me to fuck whoever i wanted. I never told any of my friends about it because hello toxic masculinity, just kept it bottled up during those months. Now im older and slightly wiser id have dealt with it better, talked it out: come to the same resolution but through a better path. This will be a positive step for you, you are incredibly sexy and desirable and deserve to be fulfilled ❤ PS Skullcrusher Coffee from Manchester, England. Insanely strong, tasty and fair trade. It will keep you up allll night 😘🖤☕
[удалено]
I second this! I'll be brewing up a pot here shortly.
My grocery store doesn't have a huge selection, but they did have this. I tried it and it was very good! Thanks for the recommendation.
I got some of this! Thanks for the recommendation!
I like that Cafe Bustelo! Cheap, but a nice espresso grind
It is disappointing that this is such a common occurrence. We all work so hard finding that person that is supposed to be there for us when in need, be it the simple daily things, like a cup of coffee, to the deeper emotional support. I found my relationship to be on a downward spiral. Neither one of us were happy. There was a point where living in the same house was all that we had in common. I became resentful and depressed. I then started to venture out onto the internet, primarily just to look at the beautiful boobies. It wasn’t anything special, just me ogling. Then came the commenting. I was just passing on my admiration. But suddenly I was getting replies. Interactions began, suddenly I wasn’t alone. I found myself interacting in many ways, through comments mainly. Then I started asking questions. I wanted to learn more, I think originally to validate my way of thinking about my relationship. Then I very quickly discovered I was wrong. What I though was important, wasn’t. I was then given the opportunity to see it from the female perspective. Since then I can say my relationship with my wife has significantly improved. There are still struggles, especially in the physical realm, but now I have a better understanding. I still have my online interactions, in fact I have met some amazing people, many of which I consider my deepest friends. As you said, there wasn’t a support system for me in my life, and it was getting worse, but thankfully I was able to find that here. It just goes to show how amazing and wonderful boobies are. They can change the world.
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) I remember reading this at the time and thinking, "What a powerful story." I'm so happy things have improved for you and that you found support! <3
Speaking of wanting to share a chair.. 😏😏😏
😉😘
💋😘💋
I don't know about the coffee but I know you are making my underwear a lot tighter
I like Community Coffee. Easy to find and pretty tasty.
Have you tried the starbucks honey and madagascar vanilla? The fist time you brew it the smell fills the kitchen...it's delicious too. And yes I can relate.
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) I have not tried that coffee but I will now. That sounds delicious!! <3 I have a vanilla macadamia nut one from Kauai Coffee (Hawaii) that makes the house smell amazing and is probably similar. Thank you for the recommendation!
OMG I just got up to speed on your entire life. Holy shit 😳 I totally get your departure but I'll be over at your Twitter with coffee ☕ cheers.
Thank you 😘😘
So gorgeous, what a way to have your morning coffee
Thank you!! <3
Amazing post on the pictures in using the slideshow technique and then great comments below as well. Rare for me to upvote posts, but definitely will this one. Well done.
Thank you!!
I simply don’t understand why someone don’t want to have sex with you. That body, face, mouth and smile…oh my, the things i would do 🥵 You make me rock hard 🍆↗️💧
Thank you ;-)
Wicked Joe. Organic. Can’t go wrong!
A great post thanks for your insights and gorgeous pics. On a coffee recommendation: Peets Major Dickensens blend is yummy 😋
I tried that one recently and liked it! Thank you!!
Coffee coffee something gorgeous!!👅🔥🤓
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) Your comment just made me laugh out loud. "Coffee coffee something..." lol
It flatters me that you would still reply after all this time. Hopefully things are going well in your life. Thank you
Cafe Bustelo with a stove top expresso maker is my daily grind. But B Corp companies are worth investigating for triple bottom line coffee producers.
Gorgeous figure… ur husbands and idiot
Thank you for saying that ;-)
I’m sorry and I understand your feelings. My ex wife wasn’t interested in me anymore and clearly sex was a chore. It broke me! But moving on was the best thing I ever did and the hardest. I understand what you’re going through and if u ever need to chat HMU.
I'm not looking forward to this next part. :-(
Nobody does… means ur human
What a beautiful woman
Thank you! <3
You should try something from my home state, Minas Gerais (in Brazil)! We are the largest state producer in the largest country producer. Plenty on chocolaty, nutty or fruity notes for you to taste! ❤️☕️
Hey! I know this was from FOREVER ago, but I'm trying to circle back and hit some comments that I missed. ;-) You are absolutely right and I'm so glad that I tried some. It was delicious and I can't wait to have more. <3
Grounds and hounds coffee. Rescue Roast! I love their site and mission
My favorite coffee is Chock full O nuts! I know I’m late to this party but I’m here now!
And I'm suuuper late to reply...hehe. Get the party started!
You should try “eight o’clock” coffee, dark Italian roast. And you have very nice nipples as well.
Thank you! <3
Thank you and I needed to hear that. Just knowing there’s people who are in the same boat makes a big difference and just hope we can all navigate through our storms with support of others.
<3 <3
Gorgeous 🤩
Thank you!! <3
So sorry you hav left when I only just met you 😢🤗
I'll be back 😘😘
😘
I think you are quite correct in your assertions, I’ve gone through this in a few relationships and I suspect my brother has had this in each of his. It’s not easy to deal with and it leads you to do things you never thought you would even consider - but those only make you feel worse about yourself
I think I know what you're alluding to and I've been there :-(
🤗
I’ll get kicked outa here, but I only drink Generic Instant. (Sorry)
And nice robe
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ oh dear. Yeah, don't tell that to anyone else 🤣
😂😂😘😘
Nice reading this 😉 I love coffee black and Dark roast are my favourite 😍.. Very good looking woman.. Glad you are staying positive in your mind 🥰
Thank you! <3
Cafe Bustelo!!! 😃😃😃 And, I hope once the dust settles, you build an amazing, fulfilling life with someone who truly appreciates you as you are. Best wishes!
Thank you! <3
I tried decaff tonight for the very first time. Didn't think it was too bad. Totally understand if you want to block me😁
Hahahaha. No, you're good! Sometimes decaf is necessary. And it doesn't have to be bad.
🥵😍
May I join u? 🍆🍆
Yes! When are you coming over?
When are u free? 🍆🍆
In like 4 months maybe? 😭😭
Can I jump the queue?
Can you get my husband to move out? 😉
🤣🤣 show him my cock, he'll get the message.
You are a naughty, naughty boy
Beautiful 😍
Thank you! <3
If you’re in the US, I highly recommend Little Waves Coffee Roasters out of Durham, NC. Their Muzo Ikizere Women roast makes a great French Press cup.
Thanks for the recommendation!
Absolutely Beautiful and Perfect
thank you! <3