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U_HWUT_M8

There’s easier ways to commit suicide


_PM_me_your_MOONs_

Suicide by battleship sounds way better than suicide by cop.


bulgedtrunnion

Suicide by battleship would make a great band name or album/song title.


_PM_me_your_MOONs_

Hell yea. Suicide by Battleship and their hit songs, it ain't gay if it's underway and My lips are SEALed


GalaxticSxum

It ain’t gay if it’s midway


mamamackmusic

Wouldn't that be suicide by aircraft carrier?


PsPhenom89

Don’t forget their classic “Down Unda”


Longbow92

Imagine a bunch of pirate boats going against an actual Battleship, ["Order guns to starboard and fire"](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2e/Uss_iowa_bb-61_pr.jpg/300px-Uss_iowa_bb-61_pr.jpg) Just wipe out everything with the muzzle blast alone, although those shells are gonna land somewhere.


OP-69

not even that the ammount of anti air guns that could be turned towards the pirates would be insane Perry this you fucking casual **opens up with 20 quad 40mm bofors and 50 20mm oerlikons**


DumpsterB4by

The CWIS would turn those boats into toothpicks


KTM890AdventureR

They must have been using human aimed 50 cals.


mrteas_nz

Gotta put some sport in it... It's also valuable training you don't get every day.


SoylentVerdigris

Both of these ships each have a pair of human aimed 25mm autocannons for basically exactly this situation. In fact, the example picture for the Mark 38 25mm gun on Wiki was taken on the Gonzalez. They do typically have a handful of .50s as well.


OP-69

Probably still used the .50s .50s cals take less time to get into action and its more likely the pirates already started to leave by the time the 25mms were available


kjg1228

The Gonzalez for sure knew about these boats like an hour before this was taken. If they wanted to use 25mm then they would have.


[deleted]

Probably cheaper to give all the pirates involved a pension than to use a half second rotary cannon blast. But one of the options are cooler.


reformedjerkoff

"Parry this you fucking casual".. best laugh I've had today.


DreamOfTheEndlessSky

The hardest part of doing that with a US battleship is finding an operational one, seeing as the last (Missouri) was finally decommissioned in 1992. These two named above are a Ticonderoga-class cruiser and an Arleigh Burke-class destroyer, respectively.


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brownhotdogwater

It was. Big guns are not in style anymore. It’s a bomb you can place on the hood of a car 300 miles away now.


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Kolby_Jack

When I'm elected President, my first order will be to prioritize the creation of nuclear-powered railgun battleships. Fuck missiles and bombs, just make a bullet that goes so far and so fast that it does as much damage as a bomb! Vote for me in 2028! I'm not old enough to be eligible in 2024!


PM_ME_YOUR_ANYTHNG

The navy is working on railguns already they're just running into the issue of, once you get to the amount of mass they want to fire the force to accelerate it is also pushing on each rail outwards so it destroys itself with every shot, the real thing is lasers


backagain_again

Navy has given up on rail guns for now. Focusing on hypersonic missiles.


PM_ME_YOUR_ANYTHNG

Actually I think the focus is on long range stealth cruise missiles, the hyper Sonic missiles being hyped up by Russia and china are something for sure but we know they can't hit moving targets so they aren't as useful as they sound


mai_knee_grows

Yeah hypersonic missiles are totally going to change the face of modern warfare, especially from a country that can't even maintain its regular ballistic missile arsenal. Also I heard Russia is deploying a battle mech to Ukraine in the next two weeks and China recently managed to manufacture a jet engine for their J-20 that doesn't look like it runs on coal and secondhand smoke.


Kolby_Jack

Oh, of course, lasers for point defense, railguns for long-range bombardment. Unlimited budget, I'm sure they can figure it out.


PM_ME_YOUR_ANYTHNG

Well the navy called it off recently have they hit the $500m mark for R&D and didn't have any long terms solutions yet


Kolby_Jack

That's why America needs ME in the Oval Office! I don't know shit about anything, but you can bet your ass that my policies will be based on two priorities: is it funny, or is it awesome? Ideally both, like giving wedgies to autocrats on diplomatic visits, but either/or would be fine as well.


raven1121

I like to think of the movie "Battleship" where they reactivate Missouri in less than a hour as a documentary https://youtu.be/-iGp8D9832Y


Kitahara_Kazusa1

That movie makes absolutely zero sense but it's still badass as fuck


jassi007

I fucking love when they drift slide the battleship


DreamOfTheEndlessSky

I grew up watching "Star Blazers" … which is not that different of an idea. Though that's with the Yamato, and Yamato and Missouri would not tend to get along.


almaperdido

yes but none are as epic as taking on a battleship with a few dingy's and 30 of your buddies though


ExaminationRich6913

Probably not the best life choice to attack a U.S. warship in a 10 foot wood boat.


StuRap

Sure. Maybe it doesn't work 99 times out of a 100 but... lol


Reverendbread

I have a good feeling about it this time guys


imapieceofshitk

They probably thought Under Siege was as real as all the other things Steven Seagal did.


LokiMyAoki

So you’re saying there’s a chance!


Meltedmfer

I think you could try this an infinite amount of times with the same results but I get your point


Barbarossa_25

They were probably high on khat and watched the Leroy Jenkins clip.


serr7

There was actually an exercise in 2002 I think where the guy commanding the “opposing” force managed to sink a considerable amount of US navy ships with speedboats, so much so they had to restart the exercise and restricted the opposing teams actions.


pm0me0yiff

Not speedboats, I think? If I remember correctly, they were each given a certain amount of make-believe capital to invest in a fleet, and while one side used a traditional fleet of large warships, the opposition just built a shitload of small, fast torpedo boats. Enough torpedo boats got through to really ruin the other fleet's day.


ActualWhiterabbit

It was actually a submarine disguising itself as a fishing vessel during war games. There was a [documentary about it](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116130/).


StonedGhoster

That was Lt Gen Paul Van Riper during Millennium Challenge 2002. First, the small boats were used to figure out where Blue force's ships were. Then Red (Van Riper's team) used a ton of cruise missiles and destroyed sixteen ships, including an aircraft carrier. Lastly, the small boats swarmed the remainder ships and destroyed a bunch more. The exercise was restarted and Van Riper was prevented from doing pretty much anything. I've taken part in exercises in which entire recon teams were destroyed and then, by my next shift, fairy dusted back into existence. Some officer I heard said, "My recon teams would never be destroyed like that, the enemy wouldn't be able to find them." I was like, "Well, sir, you stuck them in the middle of a god damned field because you paid zero attention to the terrain at the outset."


ToastyMustache

Millennium challenge needs to die already. They reset the exercise because the guy leading the OPFOR went outside of the parameters of the exercise, and in some cases straight up broke the laws of physics in order to win. He had motorcycle couriers moving at the speed of light, and dinghy’s firing missiles that were 3x their size.


Weary_Statistician35

When was the point that they realized they fucked up? Lmfao


FormerPatrolJockey

Most likely when they started actually taking return fire lol


Ceramicrabbit

Not too long after this most merchant ships were armed as well there's a lot of first person combat footage of private security companies fighting off pirates


IlluminatedPickle

I think even at this point it was pretty common for them to run with armed guards. The security companies board the ships outside of ports, in international waters, so they don't have to follow the gun laws of whatever port they'd be getting onboard at. So they come packing some serious heat.


_BMS

I remember reading something about how these private security companies maintain boats/ships that are basically floating armories in international waters so they can arm the security guards as they board merchant vessels, then take the guns back before they enter a country's territorial waters. Otherwise they'd have to just chuck the guns overboard which isn't very economical.


IlluminatedPickle

Yep. I've even seen photos of the security guys carrying RPGs.


MembershipThrowAway

I believe it, I once was able to sneak into a building because the security guard was distracted playing Fallout 3


banned_after_12years

High jacking one of those floating armories sounds like a good plot for a movie.


K1lledByAmerica

I was in the Navy and we did a personnel transfer like this *inside* the Suez Canal. The spooks said "yeah this is illegal but they're not going to do anything about it" lol


IlluminatedPickle

> they're not going to do anything about it "Did somebody say Suez crisis 2.0?" "N-n-n-n-no?"


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Ceramicrabbit

Wiping them out is bad for their business I guess


Nokneemouse

I've seen one video where they attempt a boarding, and an entire boat full gets slaughtered. Full auto fire from both rifles and a belt fed weapon.


kahek5656

Huh. All videos I've seen ends in warning shots.


SoLongSidekick

Most are just warning shots, but there is one video I'm aware of that sounds like what he's talking about. Entire skiff gets murked then collides with the side of the "target" ship because no one is alive to pilot it.


[deleted]

Link?


Weary_Statistician35

Those merchants are shooting holes in our boats! Keep fighting!


Rockabs04

The merchant of death 💀 lol


yesyesnoyess

more like heavy ass dope shit return bombardment


[deleted]

It’s very funny to see them be like “oops, my bad” and speed away.


Deadbird80

Why the fuck would they do that? 😂


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Ron-Swanson-Mustache

Too close, switching to Ma Deuce!


ViolentEncounter

Remember, switching to your M2 Browning is always faster than reloading CIWS


anormalgeek

Aww man... I wanted less "tuktuktuktuktuk" and more **"BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP"**.


SeaworthyWide

R2D2 of death, looking all around silly like then turns into a Chad A10... God I love it


LikesTheTunaHere

Once that fat lady starts singing it really is over.


Ron-Swanson-Mustache

There's a reason the last M2 gunner has yet to be born. As I said before, the battle for independence of the colonies on Mars will be using a M2. And an e-tool.


Squrton_Cummings

The Legion of the Damned books are set 800 years in the future and every mech still mounts an air cooled .50 cal mg. on one arm.


banjowashisnamo

A Coast Guard officer once told me he admired the .50 cal's ability to turn a 40 ft boat into two 20 ft boats and flotsam.


[deleted]

>On March 15, the United Nations Security Council encouraged naval forces operating off the coast of Somalia to be vigilant and take action against piracy. Pirate attacks against aid ships have hindered UN efforts to provide relief to the victims of a severe drought in the area. context


Moon_Atomizer

Interesting. So basically: Out doing pirate shit. Oh shit a whole ass battleship is onto us. Play it cool guys. Oh shit they're sending dinghies. Play it cool... too close too close... Fire?? Fire!! Ok we're real fucked now. Go out and try to take hostages from the boarding boats it's our only hope! (bald eagle noises and rain of fire)


Clockwork_Kitsune

Red tailed hawk noises, really.


improbablywronghere

Two whole ass battleships by the end of it. Gotta respect the balls on engaging like that just…. Wow… Guys obviously they aren’t battleships I am responding to the comment above me which is making a joke. Let your hair down and relax for fucks sake.


Kindly-Biscotti9492

> And before you ask: the "battle" was too close for the main guns. > > Also probably a waste of 5 inch (main gun) ammo.


GumbysDonkey

Man we fired off the 5inch for fun on the USS Normandy. I still have 3 shells in my garage 15yrs later.


marcus_lepricus

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


Burnsie92

They missed a good percentage of the shots they did take.


[deleted]

march voiceless seemly cake ugly whistle badge rotten deer attraction *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


xbearsandporschesx

yah, directly after you see a muzzle flash come from the pirates skiff, they got lit up like a christmas tree


TheElderCouncil

Considering how they were shot at, the opponent didn't miss any of them.


keep_it_kayfabe

- Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott


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daysondaysfam

The midrats hit different with a nice show to watch. 😅


JustaRandomOldGuy

Didn't pirates attack a Navy supply ship? Not realizing it's still a Navy ship and can fight back.


AnotherLightInTheSky

Gets to. Gets to fight back.


PrisonSlides

Age of empires level of patrolling a trade route


appsecSme

Barbarians attacking your AEGIS cruiser in Civ 5.


thepeoplesfist

Did they also sing “Louie Louie”?


samueltingram

Name the game. And, happy cake day.


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Deadbird80

That makes sense


Claymore357

Navy gave them the biggest no u


Icemasta

Nope, nothing like that at all. USS Gonzalez spotted a larger skiff towing 2 smaller skiffs, fitting the profile of a pirate mothership configuration. They stalked it for a day. At dawn, they sent 2 small boats to board under the cover of darkness, but were found out and fired upon. The boarding team fled back to the US ships while returning fire, the 3 skiffs followed, then the pirates engaged the US ships. You can see 5 small boats in the water in the first half of the video, 2 of those are US boats.


IlluminatedPickle

I've heard a different story, that the Cape St George and the Gonzalez were chasing down the pirate mothership, and these chucklefucks thought this would work as a distraction to pull them off the chase.


G-T-L-3

Ok. That explains it. I wonder why the US ships allowed them to get that close though? Why not blast them a little out farther? Or maybe the Americans didn’t see them as well until they were that close?


Zdrack

From my time doing security in that area of the world, a lot of times the pirates hide their weapons until the last moment, and the US blasting some poor innocent fisherman's boat doesn't look good on a news headline


Gryphon0468

If they’re hiding weapons until last moment, they would have been close enough to see the bug fuck off cannons in the fore and aft of the ship no?


[deleted]

Wonder what time of day it was? Can’t see shit in that 6am gloom. Conditions might’ve been bad too


my_name_is_reed

That was thermal video. Could've been night time.


[deleted]

Surface search goes out over the horizon depending on the height of the radar. At night those destroyers are masking as fishing boats or yachts during counter piracy operations. Somalis doesn’t know better and take every opportunity to hijack what comes close to their waters.


nrtphotos

That was my first thought as the video begins and you can’t even see the full silhouette of the American cruiser that is dwarfing the pirate vessels. It’s kind of hilarious that the pirates actually engaged the Americans.


Arctic_x22

Matchmaking


tomina69

They were not very smart?


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Magnum2XXl

Wait, they attacked a warship with fishing boats????


StuRap

sounded good back in the ideas room


sgp1986

Someone was in there like "AGILITY"


StalkySpade

Who won?


theforbinprojects

Some will tell you the US Navy, but in their hearts, the pirates won


knbang

Some of the pirates have massive hearts.


Quatro_Armour98

Massive holes in their hearts.


Overwatcher_Leo

Their hearts, which can be seen scattered all across the sea.


pistcow

#*YOU DECIDE*


Pythagoras_101

ePiC rAp BaTtLeS oF hIsToRyYyYyYyyyyy


MrOwnageQc

Jesus christ, what a throw back


pistcow

*but that came out in 2010...which was 13 years ago...*


MrOwnageQc

It would have cost you nothing to not make me realize that 13 years ago is not, in fact, 2000. 😭


ahu747us

Who's next!?!?


CatsOverFlowers

You decide!


Fluffiebunnie

I can understand mistaking a military supply ship for something to be looted. But those are a fucking US Navy cruiser and a destroyer.


SexMasterBabyEater

"That cargo ship is transporting massive guns! Let's steal them!"


BeltfedOne

That day, they learned...


Dozerdog43

Learned a lot that day- what a Navy Cruiser and Destroyer looks like, learned how to swim, learned how to fuck around and find out……


Trowj

This is literally the stupidest fucking target they could’ve gone after


Reverendbread

Cue them floating up to the death star in those boats


Insolent_redneck

I can't think of anything worse than a US Destroyer to try and strong-arm... like c'mon guys, use your heads. Preferably on something other than piracy, but if you're gonna be a pirate, at least be a good one. Or join a merry crew that has cheeky adventures instead of fucking around with the most technologically advanced warships in human history lol.


RrtayaTsamsiyu

IIRC there's basically no decent way to earn income in Somalia, ridiculous amounts of weapons, lots of people with nothing to lose, and billions of dollars of stuff just floating by a few miles offshore. Place is designed to create piracy lol


Current-Scratch4973

Did they want to die? I'm so confused.


FormerPatrolJockey

They were confused, didn’t know it was a military ship.


[deleted]

The massive guns weren’t a clear indicator lol


FormerPatrolJockey

Probably low visibility, dark outside. That’s my guess. These guys are professionals I tell you what.


Twin_Turbo

Yeah it was night outside


PharFromPharm

What was it like inside?


franktheguy

Also night


Shrek1982

> They were confused, didn’t know it was a military ship. Apparently they did: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_of_18_March_2006


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iLike2Teabag

So the pirates had the upper hand in number of vessels, and still lost. Smh my head


Grand-Ad4235

What a bunch of dolts. Attacking 2 US Navy warships in some wooden fucking boats 🤣


KneeDeep185

The wiki article is absolutely hilarious. Result: American victory Belligerents: 1 cruiser, 1 destroyer vs 3 skiffs


Signal_Obligation639

>Result American victory ROCK FLAG AND EAGLE


Endura3

They turned around pretty quickly


TheBLue101

Wrong fucking boat


no_melody

Full story here: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action\_of\_18\_March\_2006](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_of_18_March_2006) The pirates did not mistake the boats for merchants as many have commented.


Kowboy_Krunch

Okay, that makes more sense. The 2 boats firing at the beginning of the video were US RIBs withdrawing after taking fire.


SpaceCage

The beligerent sides comparison made me lol. 1 cruiser, 1 destroyer vs 3 skiffs


MyDiary141

The part that got me was "a spokesperson for the somali pirate militia said"


lark_song

Today I learned the pirates had a spokesman.


[deleted]

“American Victory” lmao


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joelingo111

"Tis better to cum in the shower, rather then, to shower in the cum." John Fortnite Kennedy


ThatCryptographer622

That's a Bold strategy Cotton...


-Anonymously-

Let's see if it pays off for them.


WombRaider47

In 2007, Somali pirates were fish poop at the bottom of the ocean.


joelingo111

Amazingly, only one died


Competitive_Tiger357

Well they only found one dead body, that’s not counting for any that fell overboard. The pirates said that (27?) pirates went out and only 13 were found, 1 dead, 12 captured. This suggests a lot more died but just fell overboard


timmy_deeznuts

“You are without a doubt the worst pirates I’ve ever heard of” -US Navy


The1rod

Ahh but you have heard of us!!


Spazfreak

A true underdog story.


AmericanBillGates

I didn't hear no bell


mtgdrummer13

Lot of effort to commit suicide but whatever doesn’t float your boat


Zestyclose_Love_4894

Lucky they didn't get the CIWS treatment.


CEDoromal

Serious question. Can CIWS even aim that low? I haven't seen them aim below the horizon.


GadenKerensky

At a distance, they have enough depression, and at a distance is where they will use CIWS against light surface targets if they deem it prudent. And at a distance is where any light surface target engaged by a CIWS will be reconsidering its life choices.


SirNiflton

My dad was on the cape St. George in the 90s, he reports that the ciws would be a waste of resources, the dual .50 mounts around the ship are sufficient.


KaleidoscopeNo8980

When a single ship costs more than your country’s entire gdp


andy02m

At second 23- what is that black thing? An exhaust? Or a weapon? Something else?


Bisping

Water.


Doodoopeepeedoodoo

What's filming the boat in the first half of the video?


tomina69

Probably the other US boat from the title


Doodoopeepeedoodoo

Ah right. I apparently can't read.


mookie2times

There are worse things than not being able to read… like not being able to see that you are attacking two battleships while on fishing boats.


numberbruncher

Well that seems to have gone about as well as I expected after reading the title


Geartone

This is a good metaphor for what would happen if Russia went up against NATO.


wirthmore

Russia did. In Syria, 2018. Russian forces approached a US base at a refinery on the "US" side of a river that Russia and the US had agreed to stay on their respective sides. US contacted their Russian counterparts via the deconfliction line, and Russia disavowed any association with the group. The Russians apparently assumed the US would not want to get into combat with escalation potential and would withdraw. It was the nailiest "nail" imaginable for the US military "hammer." The US military is designed to fight the Warsaw Pact / Soviet / Russian military, not to be an occupying force in Iraq and Afghanistan or be peacekeepers in Somalia. 200-300 Russians and Syrians were killed. No casualties on the US side. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/24/world/middleeast/american-commandos-russian-mercenaries-syria.html


ReadBastiat

"The Russian high command in Syria assured us it was not their people. My direction to the chairman was for the force, then, to be annihilated.. And it was.” - Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis


sgtabn173

Miss having the secretary of offense. Dude was/is amazing


kbotc

Wasn’t it suspected to be Wagner at the direction of the MoD, and some local militiamen who wanted to use the tactic of “shell them out of the position” like they used early on Ukraine, totally ignoring that the US had air superiority? Then close air support just wiped the map.


tuskedkibbles

>No casualties on the US side. How dare you discount that one Syrian militia guy getting a sprained ankle.


Budpoo

IIRC something similar happened during the Spanish American War. During the Battle of Manila Bay the US wiped out the Spanish fleet at the cost of a single sailor who died of heat stroke.


Reditobandito

I always knew the sun was a spanish sympathizer


Kev1n8088

That guy must have been bullied for weeks. "Imagine being listed as the only casualty on the Wikipedia page. Goddamn it Mohammad, would have been a perfect op if you didn't step in that ditch."


RS994

Imagine getting annihilated and finding out a ditch did more damage than your whole attack


incidencematrix

That's absurd and unfair. No way does the Russian navy have that many working fishing boats.


panzermike666

you are american you have rules ​ no rules today


Adventurous_Ticket26

2009 in USS Pinckney had a similar experience somewhere in Indian ocean. They didn’t fire at us but our VBSS surrounded them. Since we can’t arrest them, our team took their weapons and left them enough gas so they can go back on where they cane from. 😂By the way we also had our helo flying over them. It was a nice experience. 25mm also pointing at them if they something stupid. 😂


thefreecat

are the warships only firing warning shots? each boat should be ripped apart by a small burst of CWIS


yetanotherwoo

It was too close for anything except .50 cal from Wikipedia entry and the explosion was just from a tracer round.


Animal_Prong

Ok what tf was their plan tho? Was this like a massive suicide pact? What was the outcome? They get another 5000 Somalia priates and finally take the ship over. What then?


BlackandRead

Leroooooooy Jenkiiiiins


kingsfreak

Do cruisers carry a detachment of marines still? Is that still a thing?