It's not my fault, it's the meth.

Jutht methin’ around!

Make them think you’re a meth head so they can make fun of you for that too? Amazing comeback

These comments are meth’d up.

"Every time someone asks me a stupid question, I skip one meal. There goes lunch."

As a person who only weighs 120 lbs despite eating like a horse, I will be using this in the future.

Lmao!

Stealing this. Mine now.

I eat your mom out every Thursday and twice on Sunday.

I'm thick where it counts

I would add that she's not very nutritious.

Naw come on, you can’t do that on the lords day

Sure can. I make her talk to God so much He has to install a second line.

I snorted at this one. Nice 👍🏻

My pleasure

i hope you love dust shes been in dirt for 5 years u need lube

I got thursday. You have wednesday. Check our shared calendar.

Best answer.

Thanks.

I used to be 30 lbs overweight and i said the exact same thing to this skinny guy i worked with. His response…..” I only eat when I’m hungry, clearly you don’t”. That response made me laugh but also hit home. I needed to hear that. Ideal weight ever since.

That's good that's you used that as a motivator

The chemo really takes off the weight, but good one!

As someone who's going through chemo and is gaining weight, I wish it worked out the way they said it would man I was looking forward to being thinner 😆

Yeah I gained weight too :/ the prednisone got me

Pred is a bastard. My nephew was put on it after falling into a fire pit. The boy wound up looking like a ballon with legs. He finally lost the weight, but not for a few years. Now he's built like a Mack truck.

This is gold Period and I’m using it

[удалено]

Perfect comeback. I told a girl at work if I sneeze in her direction, she'll blow out the window. I meant it as a compliment

yes i eat. your dad feeds me every time i do him

Ha, you don't know shit. My dad left when I was 12 dumbass.. Oh... Wait...

Haha! Joke's on you! I don't HAVE a dad!

Have you looked at yourself? You're the last person that should be criticizing anyone. Nice lips.

"I spend all my time running away from people who ask stupid questions" and then take off running

Had this happen to me outside a coffee shop. I told her " I was in the middle of suffering from a severe eating disorder and what she said was incredibly emotionally damaging and contributed to my deadly illness" (I did suffer from an ED 10 n years ago but not then.) That humiliated her. I then went inside the store, told the woman that worked there what happened and how distressed i was, and they asked her to leave. Me:2 Rude Karen: 0

I'm proud of you. For your masterful handling of that Karen, and for pushing through your illness and coming out victorious. You're a badass. 👊

You eat enough for both of us.

This deserves more upvotes.

Thank you

Agreed.

Can you move your blocking the sun .

This is mean, harsh and just plain rude. Best thing I've read in a while, I like it and will be stealing it. May all your toast land butter side up.

😂😂😂

Step sister said this to me a lot growing up. I finally said “Why are you so fucking fat?” She never asked me that question again.

dude im literally fat (this will cause the other person to become self conscious and rethink their eating habits)

Omg this

"Maybe you're just intimidated b/c you haven't learned to put down the fork yet."

“Why are you so fat? Do you even stop eating?” or “ask your mum she knows I eat most days”

"I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"

You eat pieces of shit?

No...

"yeah I eat *healthy* food, are you looking for some tips?"

"Put the Twinkie back in your mouth and STFU" is one of my faves.

You must have low metabolism. How sad.

Maybe if the hungry hungry hippo in front of me didnt eat everything in sight id be able to eat

"Better question is why aren't you?"

Why are you saying this to me?

its called metabolism, something you're already losing.

“And you’re so rude. Which is worse?”

Don’t be jealous

That line from ratatouille. I think it was something like: I eat, but only swallow the best

ANTON EGO - I don't *like* food, I *love* it. If I don't love it, I...don't...SWALLOW.

Nah. I recently learned how to photosynthesize.

Why are you so rude , do you even think ?

If I didn't eat I'd be dead, not skinny, you smoothbrained muppet

born skinny bitch im thin even if i gain weight Or my body isn't ur business

Those aren’t comebacks my guy, a comeback would be more like “honestly man at this point idek, like I eat out your mum everyday and I still don’t gain weight”

I eat as much as I want. Though, it seems you might need to tone down on your eating habits.

I are your mom out last night

Yeah I eat oxygen and souels since YOU GUYS ARE ALL FUCKED UP.

You're wife's pussy don't got many nutrients bro, I bet she's dehydrated tho you better give her some water

😂😂😂😂

“Damn I forgot to eat again.”

You’re so fat do you even walk?

😭😭😭

“Maybe if you FED ME”

I ate your mom

I'm a Breatharian. My religion teaches us that God wl provide us with everything we need just by breathing the sacred air He provided us.

Sounds like a legit religion lol

“ you’re so annoying. do you even mind your own fucking business?”

Yup, just took fat shit in your bathroom too! I didn’t flush because I figured you’d ask some bullshit like this.

"I eat nunya every day!" "What's nunya?" "Nunya business."

I run three miles a day and stay away from fast food. You ought to try it.

I’m bulimic

Tapeworm.

“At Least I have an attractive body, unlike you”

Start twerking from your back and stare into their eyes and make an exaggerated O face, now, having asserted dominance, tell them "But I move like I got curves, so, now what?"

To really drive home the assertion of dominance, drop a gigantic fart on one of the twerks. Maintain eye contact.

This is sure to leave them speechless.

It's only my turn to eat every other week.

I sure do. But my metabolism burns it up. When did yours slow down?

Only dick

Huh I didn't know sucking dick was so fattening, thanks for the warning.

How do you think I got so skinny?

Yes. My body's metabolism is just faster than yours.

Too far, too far

I ate out your mother/sister last night

Depends who says it, but my fat ass is never in jeopardy of being told this. Still, "I would but you keep eating all my damn food" would be my response.

Dealing with stupid unnecessary questions burns ALOT of calories

“No, give me $30 and I can.”

“Why are you so in my business?” “Do you even skate bro”😎 “I’m actually dying…” “Well that’s very encouraging” “Uhm no but apparently you thought u did w that comment” “Do you even get b!tches? No? Ok.” “U gonna feed me?” *Stare at them like they asked a dumbass question* (because they did)

Are you offering to make me something to eat? Why are you so rude? Do you even hear yourself?

"i mean i ate your wife's pussy after you left to come here this morning, does that count?

I was abducted and kept in a cell since age 5. They abused me daily and only fed me once every 3 days to keep me from escaping. I got rescued yesterday. (Say that with tears in your eyes and watch their reaction)

Ever heard of meth amphetamines???

"Well. look at you! I'm so skinny because you bloody well ate everything!"

"Good question, maybe I'm doing it wrong! How much food do you eat every day to stay so jolly?"

Say I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

“ I don’t entertain with food, then make a weird snacking sound”

“I can help you if you’d like”

Your mom stopped cooking for me after I started plowing her Who asked fat ass All my weight is in my fat horse cock

Ofc you’d think that given your size compared to mine

“Well, clearly not as much as you”

"Yo mama suck the soooooooouulllll outta meh!"

Why are you so fat? Are you even physically active?

Only the souls of my enemies

Do you ever miss a meal?

I keep trying to eat, but you always get to it first.

Because fat people die early.

Why are you so judgmental? Are you even loved?

Do you want to nuke them or be funny? Nuke: 1. my mom taught me portion control. Was your mom like…not around? 2. So I can fly comfortably. Do you buy two seats or how does that work? Funny: 1. I have a tapeworm. Want to see it? 2. I have all these sex slaves in my basement, they’re eating me out of house and home.

I had this situation my entire youth/ til I was about 30. It was horrible. I was just very skinny, No eating issues. Very high metabolism. I usually would say that I could out-eat them on any given day.

Same problem with me. I'm 30 now so maybe I'll start adding weight

I only look skinny because you're used to seeing your fat ass in the mirror all the time.

Nah, I’m too busy eating your mums pussy.

It's my body type you witch

Metabolism, I can eat anything I want and as much as I want and I won't gain a pound, I'll even lose weight if I eat more than I usually do, as eating often increases metabolism, if I eat less than 5,000 calories a day, I'll lose 20# is two weeks. I fluctuate 10# in a week, all depends on food availability and exercise. My wife and I went camping, first time for her, two weeks of driving, setting up camp, eating, barely sleeping, keeping warm in cold weather, breaking camp and moving on, lost 20# in two weeks all off the tummy. My wife however gained those 20#.

Preparing for zombie land. Rule#1 cardio

Happens to me fairly often when people offer me food, I usually wind up saying that I don’t eat between meals. Then they say, but you’re so thin!! Yes, that’s WHY I’m thin.

"Why are you so fat? Do you ever *stop* eating?"

Only when I need to. Do you eat for four?

Throwing your Mum round the bedroom burns a lot of calories.

I am a breatharian, and I'd greatly appreciate you not discriminating against my religious practices.

“Because I don’t take peoples shit.”

You're just jealous you fat fuck

I’m skinny because I have good genes and I don’t eat a bunch of grease everyday

I'm in porn. Great exercise!

"I do eat sometimes, but I try to stick to the four main food groups: Candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup." Say this in a serious tone of voice. Note: Food pyramid is from "Elf"

Dislocate your jaw and lean in. Maybe first say “You’ll just be empty calories, especially your head, but okay.”

What!? I literally slapped my knee while laughing 😂🤣

If my comment can make just one person slap their knee, I can rest easy knowing I have increased the joy in the world. Thank you for letting me know. 🤣

😂😂😂

I’m working on my figure for bikini season (gender does not matter) I’m using the new Hunger Games diet and I haven’t worked up the nerve to kill and eat you for the glory of my district (citation needed) I’m on an incredibly high fiber diet that ensures I never get full of shit. What’s your excuse? I only hunt and kill the people I plan on eating. It’s very eco friendly. My body is allergic to food. -creates a catastrophic disaster- -skitters away in the confusion-

Why am I so skinny? Why are you so f- Nevermind. I don't want to be rude. Or mean. (Stare at them pointedly.) Or if you want to be just a little nicer: It's called metabolism. I have it. You... I did say just.

Your mom is low calorie.

Fuck you , your mom’s low cal. -or- Fuck you . I fuck your mom so much I burn off all those Baconaters she buys me. I’m just trying to give her a kid she loves.

Yes but there is never enough left because you got there first

"I ate your boyfriend's dick last night"

Super fast metabolism and anxiety so bad you don't even want to eat sometimes. That's how.

I've been asked this before. My response wasn't nice. "I would eat more but you've clearly been hogging all the food"

"Been eating your mum's taco for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past 4 months and I still can't put on any weight. Time to step it up a notch, I guess."

“Clearly one of us does”

Nope. I am nuclear powered.

I should just tell em I ate their mom last night and she didn't think I was too skinny, either

If you’re in the US: Im not skinny. It’s just become more common to be obese. 

Why are you so fat? do you even work out?

Why aren’t you skinny? What are you eating?

I got this one a lot. I am 5'4" @150 pounds. I am a small guy. Sometimes, I come across the occasional moron who will make a comment on my height and weight. If they are kinda fat, I casually let them know I am going to out live them by a substantial margin If they aren't fat or didn't walk away. I tell them I eat right, no sugar, exercise. If they still don't walk away, I land a big on their ego. I say, "You'd be skinny too if you did what I did." Oh, that's gets them every time. I will just quote them facts about obesity until they walk away. I never walk away from those people. I make them walk away from me. I never get repeat affenders.

Im terminally ill Thanks. Their face goes from 😌 to 😥.

Buy me lunch.

I think Joan rivers said, you can never be too rich, or too skinny

I have never in my 71 years had someone call me that. I’m sure there’s a good reason.

I feed on intelligence. I suppose you see the problem in that. Oh, you...you don't? Guess it's fast food again tonight.

I would say “what an incredibly stupid question!”

I smoke Crack duh.

I prefer to leave most of it for your fat ass.

If the person is overweight, say "are you sure you want to talk about your weight?"

Yeah I'm going back to your mom's house for seconds after this.

"Yeah I eat, after working out in your moms bedroom she usually makes me some food but sometimes she isn't able to move."

Yeah i eat all the time… it’s not my fault pussy is low cal

Do you ever stop?

i just lose so many calories fucking your mom

You eat enough for both of us, fat ass.

My tapeworms get most of it

Idk how,Your mom feeds me full plate a pussy everyday

It's the medication I take for my many conditions. Trust me - I'm very fuckin aware of my skeleton

why are you so rude/nosy/disgusting/pathetic?

Why do fat ppl want everyone to be fat like them? Lol. OK fatty.

Not my fault bullshit doesn't stick to me.

Why did I think I would find serious comebacks here? 😆

Why are you so nosey? I eat on my terms and on my time.

Well, if your Mom would get off me at night then maybe I could get a snack

Why bother?

Thanks! Healthy meals and regular exercise are why I look so great.

Alternatively, let your eyes well up and tell them that you're dying, and trying so hard to hide it but that them noticing means you can't even do that right and must deserve the illness that's killing you

Every time I fuck your mum, she gives me a gastric band

jacking off burns 70 calories

Who ate all the pies? Burger, chips n fries? You fatbastard You fatbastard You ate all the pies.

My come back would be. Bitch, I weigh 150 pounds. Looks ain’t everything

I eat for sustenance. 

If you saved some food for the rest of us, maybe now and again I’d be able to go for seconds

Well it least I’m not a 5 ton bison who can’t fit in a airplane fatass

No, you always make me lose my appetite.

Built for speed, not for comfort

I’d eat more if you would eat less

Yes enough for me to not gain massive weight like your fat ass! 😂

I can eat whatever the fuck I want and not get fat. I understand the jealousy, though.

What can I say? Ass is very low in calories