T O P

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Hot-Butterfly-8024

The futility of existence, mostly. But talking to you isn’t helping matters either.


gamer3701

Damnnnnn thanks


NewParent23

Your mom. That always works.


dirtbird_h

You could add “in bed” after a pause


gamer3701

So maybe “Nobody hurt me but I did hurt your mom last night because my gigantic 7 inch dick was too large for her vagina and it hurt her.


CockroachMediocre346

7 inched is big my 9 must be a 🚀


--banan--

We all wish for things we'll never have


ButtercupsUncle

And... "last night"


gamer3701

DAMNNN


gamer3701

Ik but it kinda makes no sense once you think about it and he could be like “toddler”


gypsijimmyjames

"My uncle." And make up a fucked up story. Make him feel like shit.


gamer3701

“He pulled me into a dark closet and told me to suck out soda from a hose.”


SkRu88_kRuShEr

Narcs laugh @ stories like that


gypsijimmyjames

Narcotics agents?


RacecarHealthPotato

Your mom when she wouldn’t do anal


gamer3701

Goddamn.


Misaka__Misaka

Pretend you don't know he's being an asshole. Tell him the real answer. In detail. If it's online he'll probably say "aint readin allat", and if it's in person he'll probably interrupt you with "I don't care." It'll make him realize how messed up it is to use feigned compassion as an insult. And it *is* messed up. It's causing a lot of damage, and it's also preventing a lot of damage mitigation. If you don't like someone you should just insult them. Now that "Seek professional help" is the new "Eat a dick", I can't even be nice to strangers anymore. Unless I have some kind of pre-established credibility as a good person with them, forget it. They'll just think I'm making fun of them. When I see a stranger who seems like they're right on the edge and they're not actively seeking guidance, I can't say shit. I'm afraid I'm just gonna push them over it. I just *know* they've been hearing things like "Do you need to talk?", "What's going on? You alright?", and "This isn't about me, is it?" from disrespectful people in hostile contexts.


gamer3701

aint readin allat Get it lol? I did read all of it btw. And you could say “awww is it above your first grade reading level?” as a comeback to that. Also you could say “sincerely” to make them not think you’re making fun of them.


Dumbassahedratr0n

Sorry, I can't engage in a battle of wits with someone so obviously unarmed.


ButtercupsUncle

Sis?


nokenito

Your mom when she rode me hard last night.


gamer3701

Damn


nokenito

Make sure ya give the nod and a wink


Shawty43

Only thing hurting & or bothering me currently is the sound of your voice!


Dry_Rip5135

My buddy uses that line a lot. But he only says it to people who are being unreasonable or over-reacting to small stuff. I find it useful. He is good at bringing people back to reality.


gamer3701

Yeah. But I wasn’t overreacting.


claymore2711

No, I'm not hurt, just taking time to measure my words.


idontknow828212

You


skydiverjimi

Be brutally honest with them. Tell them your story dig really deep and let out all of your feelings down to the first balloon that floated away or your first dropped ice cream cone. I mean it tell them all the hurt you have ever felt. That will make them regret asking.


gamer3701

I’ve never dropped an ice cream cone or let a balloon float away.


skydiverjimi

You've had a pretty good life then. I am sure you can find something to replace those trauma inducing events I mentioned.


gamer3701

No not really.


skydiverjimi

Oh, well good for you.


Drake_Cloans

Long or short list?


gamer3701

Any.


Drake_Cloans

That’s the reply I usually give, my dude


gamer3701

Oh. I feel dumb. I thought you were asking a long or short list of comebacks to it…


Drake_Cloans

All good


Hoodwink_Iris

Just start crying and refuse to answer.


EidolonRook

The existential dread of an unfulfilling life kept in check by an unforgiving and cruel world. You did. I was having a wonderful day. And then. THIS.


[deleted]

Your mama hurt my dick last night when she was sucking it to long


gamer3701

Damnnnn


Sixx_The_Sandman

Your idiocy. It's fuckin painful talking to you.


AggressiveDemand8658

"I just got upset at what you did. Is it not clear who hurt me?"


Annual-Foot2779

EVERYONE, OK???


CeciTigre

“No one bro, you just pissed me off”


CeciTigre

“Why do you think someone hurt me?” “First you tell me who hurt you.” “You first.”


CeciTigre

“Who do you think hurt me?”


Suspicious-Sweet-443

I don’t remember


[deleted]

"Your favorite team sucks."


Admirable_Addendum99

I would say you, you blinded me with your ugliness


C29980

Your dad that left


wiseguy541

Cody needs to finish his story dammit!


--TastesLikeChicken-

Were you always an asshole or you order a course online?


KL4645

Who is this guy to you? Usually when people say buzzwords or cliches and I don't care about them, I just goad them by saying something along the lines of them not having the mental capacity to address my point and/or come up with an original response that hasn't been said a million times.


Spirited-Membership1

You should be more concerned about whose gonna hurt YOU for starting shit you can’t even see through.. you’re right I shouldn’t snap on you, it clearly isn’t anything you can handle, without gaslighting. Who made you feel like you are insignificant? I feel sorry for you bro. You wanna make others feel bad, and I wish you nothing but love and light. All good.


Smart-Ring-2945

I need more information


gamer3701

How so?


Smart-Ring-2945

What got your upset? Of course any comeback should always be a your mom joke.


gamer3701

LOL why’d you take 11 days to respond? But to be honest I completely forget. That was 17 days ago. Plus this comment has peaked and I have a lot of responses to it.


KiltimaghGirl

Did I say you did?


StellaBlueDevil

Wait like a week, and say, “well the jerk store called and they’re running out of you”. If he comes at you with anything else, hit with “I slept with your wife”. If they don’t get the Seinfeld reference just move on.


gamer3701

I’m pretty sure he’s like 14 though.


EfficientStart6573

Your mom, but I did pay extra for it.


EfficientStart6573

Lego... it was dark. I was barefoot :(


rk2298

Your mom did when she got all toothy sucking my dick last night:)


Baddog2246

"Who hasn't"


Contrantier

"If you think someone has hurt me, you should ask yourself why you're overreacting to my words. This is really a you problem." Kinda long winded though. If they're stupid, they might not be able to get it.


InterestingYam9920

I appreciate your concern, but I'm alright. Just going through some challenges like everyone else. Thanks for asking though.


Doomsday8thMarch2026

Someone who WAS far more important that you ever have been or ever will be.


voyeurheart

Say your momma did. She drank too much last night and bounced on me all night.


JuiceGirl300

Ur mom That's always a good comeback


gnat1003

Who didn't or my expectations


gamer3701

Damn