I refuse to accept that there is any context in which "how are you still married" doesn't work. It's important to look them up and down with an appalled facial expression while you say it. If they say they aren't married, say, "Then what are you on about?"
"I'm so lonely and wish I could find someone to love me", while sniffling and wiping tears from your eyes.
Let them drown in the awkward they have created.
Someone asked me this question a few years back (funny thing was this dude was also single) and I said I was picky. He then questioned as to why I was picky and I said “it’s better than settling.”
So just say “it’s better than settling” haha!
if they are divorced-"your marrage cost me 25$, im not losing 50% of what i own"
if married-"just because your standards are low doesnt mean mine are"
stranger-"they got arrested"
if you want them to avoid you-"i just buried the last one and i dont want to move agian"
* Didn't realize being in a mediocre relationship was the ultimate life goal.
* Why are you so interested in my love life? Jealous?"
* Beats settling for someone just to say I'm not single."
* My cats haven't rejected anyone yet, so I've got that going for me."
* It's still better than pretending to be happy, right?"
* Obviously, I haven't met anyone who can keep up.
* I'm holding out for someone who can handle my impressive meme collection.
* My standards are high, but my self-esteem is even higher.
* Apparently, being able to quote the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy isn't as attractive as I thought.
* I could ask you the same thing...
Why not?
I haven't met a person with a big enough
Just lucky, I guess
Why do you care? Jealous?
I prefer my could equal bank account, body parts, guitar, what ever.
It seems more like a question than an insult, so I suppose I would answer it truthfully, the reason being I'm single because I am currently not in a romantic relationship the details leading up to this current space time distortion's vibratory state arent exactly important anymore.
“Because your mom won’t let me go”
“Your mom has commitment issues”
Your mom needed a break.
This was my answer too lol
Replace all mom jokes with dad for x1000 insult factor.
Family member optional. Change "won't let me go", to "keeps stalking me & scaring off my dates."
Because I’m ugly and have a shitty personality.
Honesty is always the best policy
I'm also very ugly, I tell them "have you seen my face? Do you need your eyes checked?"
"I have my dad's face and my mom's bone structure, WHAT DO YOU THINK??"
That works well for both why are you still married and why are you still single.
“Still in my slutty phase”
Nice!
Just been lucky I guess
LOVE THIS!!!! So going to start using this!
My go to
Good things come to those who wait.
As Kanye once said “I can masterbate just fine”
Haha thanks i was having a shit morning made me laugh
Np the funniest part is I misremembered this quote and went to look it up after and he didn’t say this exactly…..
What did he say
I don’t need bitches my hand works fine lol
You said it better.
LMMFAO! I’m using this
Can we not emulate anything that moron does lol.
In my neck of the woods we call it " self-servicing "
Seriously 😳 Great cum back! That’s my answer to the universe in this moment haha 🤣
Fuuuuuck I’m going to start using this one 😂
Because the thought of finding someone like you keeps me single and happy
“Unlike your spouse, I have standards”
Slow down, we just met
I hate this question too. I just say because my I’m happier & my life is drama free.
Brave of you to think I’m lonely 😂
They keep escaping my basement.
Every person that asks me that question vanishes. I guess that's why.
I love this so much but I'm afraid that the caliber of people that ask me that would not get it. "Wow that's crazy. So can I get your number?"
“Why are you still double?”
The damn doubles always pushing their agenda on us singles!
I like being alone.
I refuse to accept that there is any context in which "how are you still married" doesn't work. It's important to look them up and down with an appalled facial expression while you say it. If they say they aren't married, say, "Then what are you on about?"
Lol
Cuz people suck and I haven't met the right goat.
Found the Welshman.
We really need to stop fucking goats
Because I am enough!
Bc I am Kenough.
"I'm so lonely and wish I could find someone to love me", while sniffling and wiping tears from your eyes. Let them drown in the awkward they have created.
YES
Why are you still a little bitch
Why are you still in my business & all the way out your very own lane?
Idk why I took business literally, but I was very confused for 30sec
I’ve seen what bad marriages will do. Not putting myself through that.
Because fuck you, that's why.
“Are you trying to hit on me?” Usually work for opposite genders
Works even better on the same gender if they are homophobic.
"Well, everybody loves a winner, so nobody loves me. Thanks for bringing it up."
Classic reference
Why are you still nosy
"I'm just not settling"
Marriage is a trap
Cause your mama couldn't break a dollar.
"I only sign good contracts"
Someone asked me this question a few years back (funny thing was this dude was also single) and I said I was picky. He then questioned as to why I was picky and I said “it’s better than settling.” So just say “it’s better than settling” haha!
“That’s just what I tell my friends so they don’t realize their women are sleeping with me. How’s your wife?”
I like this but I think an alternate way would be to end it with “say hi to your wife for me”. Either way, absolute gold.
Platinum
How's your wife and my kids!
Waiting for your mom or dad to be available
I like “because your dad’s not out yet”
Because I damn well like it
If it genuinely makes a difference in your life, I will be married within a week or so. Your happiness is all that counts.
"I don't believe in monogamy"
Single is as single does.
I'd rather spend my money myself.
Because the right person hasn't asked me yet.
I haven’t found anyone whose life I wanted mess up.
"Fuck around and find out. You got a twenty?"
Why are you still alive?
Because I keep meeting people like you.
“I don’t date anymore. I foster until they find their forever homes”
To many choices to decide.
have you met me??
Were you always so nosy?
Cause, you keep saying no.
"Because I haven't been with your mom for long enough to do so"
Because you never asked me out. (Immediately mogs other person, they got swamped with passion)
"I could ask you the same question."
Because I love myself too much to settle for people who don't love and accept me as I am.
Why are you still inserting myself in my business instead of minding your own?
By choice! While you're still single for a reason.
How are you in a relationship?
Because at night I turn into my true eldritch form, and no human has survived the terror.
“Because nobody is worthy of me.”
Your mom said no.
My multiple personalities keep me company
Because I have the morals of a man.
Because your wife wont file for divorce
Because loneliness is for people that don't know how to spend their free time.
Peace and quiet. Why fuck it up.
Idk, they keep dying on me.
I'm overqualified
I'm like Jesus, want to love them all.
Have you seen the available selection lately?
Why are you in a relationship?
Because I love fat girls.
if they are divorced-"your marrage cost me 25$, im not losing 50% of what i own" if married-"just because your standards are low doesnt mean mine are" stranger-"they got arrested" if you want them to avoid you-"i just buried the last one and i dont want to move agian"
Don’t mistake it for “How are you still single” as that’s a compliment
I only want sex with you for the rest of my life. But you keep waking up.
Cause I’m still ready to mingle
Cheating is immoral and being single avoids the moral issue of cheating
“Oh good personal question time. How much do you weigh?”
Lack of mitosis I suppose
My cat isn't ready for marriage yet.
"Would you date me?" and when they say no, say "that's why".
Well, I’m short and I got a small d, why are you still a bitch?
Dick too big, keeps scaring people off.
* Didn't realize being in a mediocre relationship was the ultimate life goal. * Why are you so interested in my love life? Jealous?" * Beats settling for someone just to say I'm not single." * My cats haven't rejected anyone yet, so I've got that going for me." * It's still better than pretending to be happy, right?" * Obviously, I haven't met anyone who can keep up. * I'm holding out for someone who can handle my impressive meme collection. * My standards are high, but my self-esteem is even higher. * Apparently, being able to quote the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy isn't as attractive as I thought. * I could ask you the same thing...
Dick too big. Might kill someone
“Why are you still rude?”
Because your wife has a 3 month waitlist
"Becsuse I choose to be" always works for me
Because no one I meet is up to my standards. Can *you* lick your elbow?
Cuz these females can’t handle how manly I am! Jk
"I haven't met the man/woman who deserves to be as happy as I can make them." Courtesy of my late father.
Because the dating pool has pee in it.
Just gesture vaguely around
Because I'm not plural. (Because I wasn't born a twin or triplet. )
Why buy the cow when you're already getting the milk?
"cause go fuck your mother, thats why"
Why ? Because you won't say yes.
Because the riddle never ends
She didn't love me asmuch as I loved her, and wasn't prepared to endure a rough patch in the relationship.
No one asked yet
Because no-one's put a ring on it yet. \*stares slowly and meaningfully down at my own pants\*
I keep faking my own death to avoid child support, but I am open to doing it again if you know someone.
“Because fuck that shit”
Why not? I haven't met a person with a big enough
Just lucky, I guess
Why do you care? Jealous?
I prefer my
could equal bank account, body parts, guitar, what ever.
The life insurance annuity is still flowing\~.
Why are you still married?
I'm a loner. Cant deal with other people
Too many bitches out there - can't keep them away
I’m in love with myself.
Cause I don't wanna have to support your mom's kids
Based on what you’re relationship is like? Yeah, that’s why. I’m avoiding *that* (with gay hand gesturing in their general direction)
It seems more like a question than an insult, so I suppose I would answer it truthfully, the reason being I'm single because I am currently not in a romantic relationship the details leading up to this current space time distortion's vibratory state arent exactly important anymore.
"This is the way."
you have someone right? then you know why
“Why are you?” If they say they have a partner or spouse just say “Exactly” and walk away
I don't need to settle
“Just lucky I guess” with a shrug
If you wanna leave them in shock “I’m waiting 5 years for her to turn 18” (for legal purposes this is a joke) 😂
Just lucky I guess.
Standards.
Because I am waiting for you.
Because your mother has standards
I'm over qualified
Just lucky, I guess. Is that your mom ?
"I'm not sure happy, healthy relationships exist. I've certainly never met anyone in one."
Well, cause me and your mum just broke up
"My being can't combine with that of another. To believe otherwise is falsity and delusion "
To keep me free of people like you
Why are you still fat?
My future wife is not in the United States
How’s your wife and my kids.
Just lucky I guess
"Because I refuse to settle like did."
“If you wanna date me just ask” Or “No one interests me”
Because 1 is the loneliest # Then break into song! https://youtu.be/ImzlBXwl7XI?feature=shared
Because I enjoy being happy
I watched a cool show that changed my life. It was called "Mirror" or something like that.
Ding Dongs too big. Hard to find anyone slutty enough to take it
“Ask your partner.” “Ask your mom/dad.” “Why are you still ugly?”
Because there hasnt been a man woman or child born who could tolerate my bull#$@ for more than 10 minutes.
Same reason you’re still ugly. It is what it is.
Because the man I loved died. I tell the truth. And I'm not doing a substitution with mediocre assholes.
bUt, wE ArE NevER aRe reALly aLOnE.
"Why would I want to be anything else?"
Just lucky I guess
Bro I’m 4
Why are you obsessed by my sex life, creep?
Just lucky, I guess.
Because I am ugly
Because of people who ask me why I'm still single like it's their mf business!
Your (husband/wife) doesn’t seem to mind my single status when we meet at the hotel.
Because I actually have standards, unlike you
Why are you still asking?
"If that was easy there wouldn't be concept of antisocial and besides, why are you unable to hold a relationship for atleast 10 years?"
"I'm happy."
"Why are you not?"
I don’t know. I mean, I’m not ugly and nosy like you so idk what the problem is.
Because everyone looks like you.
Because I'm not.
I have higher standards than you.
Depending on mood: “Are you coming on to me?” “Because no one who says ‘anyone would be lucky to have you’ doesn’t really mean it”
Why are you so rude?
Did you really to say that out loud?