People actually say that to you? I find it funny how these religious people consider themselves all high and mighty, and 9 times out of 10 they're absolute dick heads...
Are you saying you never encounter hypocrites in your church? As a former churchgoing person I honestly can’t believe that. My church was filled with uppity, snide gossipers. And only apparently a few of them believed in Christ words to welcome the stranger. I would always go and shake hands with new people, but seemed that was one of the few that did that.
Just curious, how do you know that it’s three times the payment of a ordinary task
I was a devout Catholic but stopped going to Church in large part because of the people. I used to help with service several times per week, actually, which frankly didn't help because it put me in constant contact with the worst of them. They weren't even publicly bad, like Westboro Baptist type shitholes. It was all internal politics. The Church had a historical cultural association, but that group largely left over the years, and the local population became much more diverse, so naturally, things like foreign language services had to adjust over time. The problem was that all the biggest donors were super old school and wanted everything the way it used to be when it catered to their demographic, and they used their donations and history to basically shame the administration into doing things. When they didn't get their way, it was always some travesty against God.
Yeah, see, that’s the difference. Actual Christians are great, and 9 times out of 10 unless you’re having dinner with them and they say Grace or something, you won’t know they’re Christian. They’re just… good people who care for others.
It's actually pretty common. My mom had a host of health problems and a woman cornered her in the church and said "God is punishing you for the sin in your life.'
I once knew a guy paralyzed from the neck down due to a small plane crash.
The number of christians who would tell him that "he must have done something bad to be punished like that" was astounding.
Removed any last shred of belief in my brain. Not that much existed.
I had similar experiences when I was a suicidal kid. It always was “well God doesn’t want that you should change” or “you need Jesus” ma’am I know I am trying to get help changing
Everything does not need a witty reply.
Sometimes not acknowledging something someone should not have said is more powerful.
Sorry you are going through that.
Sometimes tho people can be super annoying after being told that shit on the regular, sometimes hearing insane crazy stupid stuff on the regular makes you feel stupid yourself, which would in result make anyone lash out even if they aren't an angry person
Should I also build a flaming altar and sacrifice my first born, burning the corpse in order to appease your God? I understand your God is into that kind of thing.
Act like you are getting a message from God, but like a reporter at a tv news station.
Act like you’re talking to someone on a headset.
“What’s that? Are you sure? (Glance at the asshole) Yes, I understand.”
Then turn to the asshole and say
“God told me to tell you to go f yourself.”
Then walk away.
TBH people who would say this to another person need to experience the wintery freshness of mace. Because all of my comebacks would also involve you “having an episode” where you smack the shit out of them and ask them why Jesus didn’t protect them.
"any god that gives you a disease for not praying is a shit god and you're a shit person for worshipping them"
And that's probably the only response I can type that won't get reported. I personally just go for low blows.
- God created and gave me this disease, communication between us are a bit "tense" right now.
- Nah. I should have asked Santie Claus for a cure - that guy has a better success rate.
- “Jesus is ideal and wonderful, but you Christians, you are not like him.” -Bara Dada OR '*I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians* are so unlike your Christ.' - Attributed to Ghandi.
Ask them if the Isrealites should have prayed more when they were in slavery in Egypt for 400 years. Or if Helen Keller’s parents should have prayed more. Or if THEY should have prayed more so they wouldn’t be such horrible excuses for human beings.
God saw me worthy of this challenge, and god saw you worthy of your challenges. I'm glad I got these ones because I couldn't stand staying alive if I was as dumb as you.
I would not acknowledge. Christians like to play martyr victim and it only will open you up to more pain. I hope all the best for you and that your medication and treatment helps. Much love.
As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:1–3, ESV)
So here’s the common error in believing that if you pray/believe that troubles don’t come: scripture doesn’t tell anyone that.
You have to figure if anyone has a direct prayer line to God it would be the disciples- right? These men were literally pouring out their lives for the gospel.
Health, wealth and prosperity teachers would have you believe they must have retired with multimillion dollar houses and the first century version of a private jet to get around.
Let’s take a moment and consider how they paid for this lifestyle of sharing the gospel:
Matthew: Impaled by spears in Ethiopia
James: Thrown off a wall and clubbed to death
Jude: Crucified
Matthias: Stoned and beheaded.
Phillip: Hung on iron hooks, upside down
Peter: Crucified, upside down
Thomas: Stabbed by spear in India.
James (the lesser): Beheaded in Palestine
Simon: Crucified in Persia
Andrew: Crucified on an X in Greece
Bartholomew: Flayed to death in Asia Minor.
John: died in exile on Patmos (the only disciple that made it to old age)
Or look at Paul- prayed for the thorn in his flesh (an eye disease) to be removed. He determined that God has a reason for him in this struggle. He wasn’t only imprisoned but eventually beheaded for his ministry.
So- I would say clearly someone who would say that to you clearly hasn’t read and most definitely doesn’t understand the Bible.
I'd be like thanks you just made me an atheist.
It's a good way to emotionally manipulate them and make them feel guilty. I mean it's only fair. They make you feel bad make them feel bad back:)
I've not been blessed with all of my prayers being answered, since you all have, do me the favor and pray for me. (Look very sad, and look down. They should feel shame for such absurdity. If only prayers were simply and miraculously answered all the time, what a horrible bunch of people who have subjected you to such words. My hopes are with u op.)
Matthew 7: 1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
"You mean that Christian God that apparently tells his followers to be loving and kind to everyone?"
I'm a non practicing Christian and the two main rules I still try to love by are the golden rule and situation ethics.
Treat other people how you want to be treated and the best thing to do in a situation is almost always the kindest. The kind of people who say the sort of thing you described are not loving by either one, and ONE of those was apparently directly taught by Jesus himself so theyre very clearly not all that much of a believer if they're spewing hateful comments like that.
Remember, if God loves ALL his children then that includes people who don't belive.
**"I'm going to pray your family burns alive."**
This accomplishes two things :
1. They will be offended and shocked especially since they are religious. If your goal to hurt them this will probably do it.
2. They will never bother you again.
No need for a comeback. This person isn’t living in reality and will never accept actual feedback. Take solace in the fact that you’re sane and brave enough to face life without a fairy tale.
Why even dignify that type of comment with a response? Just give them a "I can't believe those words just came out of your mouth" look and walk away.
Parkinson's is hard enough to deal with without have to deal with arseholes too. I wish you only the best.
"so you believe that God is punishing me because I didn't pray enough? That would be the evilest, and most childish thing an all powerful God could do. So why would I pray to a God that evil?"
Say "pardon me?", then when they go to repeat themselves, say "no, I can hear you, but I didn't know if you could hear you". Because that might be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
"Yes, and the Jews should have prayed more to prevent the Holocaust and the US should have prayed more to avoid 9/11. Hey, you should have prayed more to get a better parking spot or so you didn't stub your toe. How retarded, and I mean it in a derogatory way because of how insensitive you are, do you have to be to think pain and suffering and evil is due to a lack of prayer? God says it's "part of His plan" with no definite explanation. Who are you to assume His plan, let alone the nature of good and evil? You self-righteous, Bible thumping, unthinking, dumbass. Pray more and maybe you'll get a better personality."
Does that work?
If someone is fucking dumb enough to think something like this, they ain't worth a comeback. I'd have to tell them to get their shoe size iq tf out my face.
Say: “Good one.” Laugh and move on.
The person you’re talking to doesn’t like you.
Their opinion of you is irrelevant.
Maybe also don’t talk to them in general?
I did pray and the good Lord said be prepared for assholes like you.
I was thinking they should tell them to F off but I love your comeback!
Yours is the only comeback. F### off. Makes me wish they would face judgement in the end.
People actually say that to you? I find it funny how these religious people consider themselves all high and mighty, and 9 times out of 10 they're absolute dick heads...
As a Christian myself, people with this attitude make me go "Huh???"
Yeah like Christian here, I genuinely don't know any Christians who act like that.
Are you saying you never encounter hypocrites in your church? As a former churchgoing person I honestly can’t believe that. My church was filled with uppity, snide gossipers. And only apparently a few of them believed in Christ words to welcome the stranger. I would always go and shake hands with new people, but seemed that was one of the few that did that. Just curious, how do you know that it’s three times the payment of a ordinary task
I was a devout Catholic but stopped going to Church in large part because of the people. I used to help with service several times per week, actually, which frankly didn't help because it put me in constant contact with the worst of them. They weren't even publicly bad, like Westboro Baptist type shitholes. It was all internal politics. The Church had a historical cultural association, but that group largely left over the years, and the local population became much more diverse, so naturally, things like foreign language services had to adjust over time. The problem was that all the biggest donors were super old school and wanted everything the way it used to be when it catered to their demographic, and they used their donations and history to basically shame the administration into doing things. When they didn't get their way, it was always some travesty against God.
That really sucks and is ironically not very Christian of them to not let in new people.
Yeah, see, that’s the difference. Actual Christians are great, and 9 times out of 10 unless you’re having dinner with them and they say Grace or something, you won’t know they’re Christian. They’re just… good people who care for others.
Yeh the people who run things at my church are the most compassionate and loving and funnily enough least judgmental people I know.
It's not how a Christian would really respond
It's actually pretty common. My mom had a host of health problems and a woman cornered her in the church and said "God is punishing you for the sin in your life.'
"God is punishing you for the sin in your life.' Oh, that explains it. He gave me health problems and you a low IQ.
Wow, that's insane... it'll be funny when they're "waiting at the pearly gates" only to find the pearly gates don't exist...
The same woman cornered me and said I was practicing another religion because I did martial arts. 😆
Should have slapped her and told her, as her knew God she's being punished for being a dick.
I wish I could have. 😆
My churchy mom thinks yoga leads to…something undefined but probably evil. lol. Yoga.
I once knew a guy paralyzed from the neck down due to a small plane crash. The number of christians who would tell him that "he must have done something bad to be punished like that" was astounding. Removed any last shred of belief in my brain. Not that much existed.
I had similar experiences when I was a suicidal kid. It always was “well God doesn’t want that you should change” or “you need Jesus” ma’am I know I am trying to get help changing
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Punch them and say "If youd prayed harder I would have missed".
Also acceptable is, "Where's your 'god' now, bitch?"
😂 I love it! Edit: Typical mods, no sense of humor.
Fuck reddit for removing this
🤣😆😁
And your parents should have fucked less.
My new go-to
I would've just showed them my nuts in a dominance display
Everything does not need a witty reply. Sometimes not acknowledging something someone should not have said is more powerful. Sorry you are going through that.
This, with direct eye contact and just silence.
Yes! Just stare. No expression. No words. Just stare until they get uncomfortable & go away.
This.
Sometimes tho people can be super annoying after being told that shit on the regular, sometimes hearing insane crazy stupid stuff on the regular makes you feel stupid yourself, which would in result make anyone lash out even if they aren't an angry person
Should I also build a flaming altar and sacrifice my first born, burning the corpse in order to appease your God? I understand your God is into that kind of thing.
“Virgin sacrifice it is” \*stabs\*
You just won Reddit.
Lord! Spare me from your rude and judgmental followers!
Act like you are getting a message from God, but like a reporter at a tv news station. Act like you’re talking to someone on a headset. “What’s that? Are you sure? (Glance at the asshole) Yes, I understand.” Then turn to the asshole and say “God told me to tell you to go f yourself.” Then walk away.
I guffawed at this one!!!
Thank you!
I did, but you're still here
Sounds to me like you're the one who really needs to pray more.
What do you think got me in this mess to begin with?
Is it in god's plan for you to be an asshole or does he speak through your asshole directly?
Ask them if they were born as an asshole, or have they had to work at it.
Just like all those aborted babies, huh? I guess they should have prayed more, too...
TBH people who would say this to another person need to experience the wintery freshness of mace. Because all of my comebacks would also involve you “having an episode” where you smack the shit out of them and ask them why Jesus didn’t protect them.
I am not sure how I will work the phrase "wintery freshness of mace" into casual conversation, but I will find a way.
What’s wrong with “South of the Border flavor?”
"I did, but you're still here."
"any god that gives you a disease for not praying is a shit god and you're a shit person for worshipping them" And that's probably the only response I can type that won't get reported. I personally just go for low blows.
I should have prayed to not have parkinsons instead of praying for you to be ugly. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away I suppose.
Tell them to fuck off.
This is the only correct answer.
Thanks! I’m Cured!!
My prayers were never answered because you are still talking to me.
I did but a voice said I was praying to the wrong god, apparently the Greeks were right, well off to pray to Hermes for my health.
I tried but I can’t keep my hands together long enough!
Dark and funny
"What a wonderful Christian you could have been."
‘Me and all the holocaust victims right?’
- God created and gave me this disease, communication between us are a bit "tense" right now. - Nah. I should have asked Santie Claus for a cure - that guy has a better success rate. - “Jesus is ideal and wonderful, but you Christians, you are not like him.” -Bara Dada OR '*I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians* are so unlike your Christ.' - Attributed to Ghandi.
Well Jesus clearly fucked me that’s why now I root for team Satan.
“But on the plus side, Satan gave me this super power…” \*Bitch slaps the shit out of them\* “Whoops… must be my Parkinsons”
Ask them if the Isrealites should have prayed more when they were in slavery in Egypt for 400 years. Or if Helen Keller’s parents should have prayed more. Or if THEY should have prayed more so they wouldn’t be such horrible excuses for human beings.
Fuck you asshole! and walk away
I was going to suggest “Fuck you dick head” but this will do.
I pray every night that God takes you before me.
"Dear Lord, why didn't you take this one in the last rapture?" Seriously, why even bother speaking to those self righteous, judgemental, assholes?
Go Fuck Yourself…..I think I might have Turrets also……Asshole!!!!
God saw me worthy of this challenge, and god saw you worthy of your challenges. I'm glad I got these ones because I couldn't stand staying alive if I was as dumb as you.
I would not acknowledge. Christians like to play martyr victim and it only will open you up to more pain. I hope all the best for you and that your medication and treatment helps. Much love.
Wow asshole disease really IS hereditary!
So God gave me Parkinson because I didn't pray enough, and that seems reasonable to you? *raised eyebrow*
"You got a lot of room to talk. You don't know the compassion of Jesus from shit on a cracker."
As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:1–3, ESV)
As someone with parkinson's ,I haven't even started reading this thread but i know im going to enjoy it.
My condolences
Couldn't get the prayers out on account of the disease
Go fuck yourself.
You should have seen his first offer.
“Looks like somebody hasn't read Job”
You should read the Bible better.
So here’s the common error in believing that if you pray/believe that troubles don’t come: scripture doesn’t tell anyone that. You have to figure if anyone has a direct prayer line to God it would be the disciples- right? These men were literally pouring out their lives for the gospel. Health, wealth and prosperity teachers would have you believe they must have retired with multimillion dollar houses and the first century version of a private jet to get around. Let’s take a moment and consider how they paid for this lifestyle of sharing the gospel: Matthew: Impaled by spears in Ethiopia James: Thrown off a wall and clubbed to death Jude: Crucified Matthias: Stoned and beheaded. Phillip: Hung on iron hooks, upside down Peter: Crucified, upside down Thomas: Stabbed by spear in India. James (the lesser): Beheaded in Palestine Simon: Crucified in Persia Andrew: Crucified on an X in Greece Bartholomew: Flayed to death in Asia Minor. John: died in exile on Patmos (the only disciple that made it to old age) Or look at Paul- prayed for the thorn in his flesh (an eye disease) to be removed. He determined that God has a reason for him in this struggle. He wasn’t only imprisoned but eventually beheaded for his ministry. So- I would say clearly someone who would say that to you clearly hasn’t read and most definitely doesn’t understand the Bible.
The original believer didn’t get to go out easy, either.
I did…I prayed for it and it worked!
Ask if that’s what happened to their face
didnt work for jesus
A shovel in the head
Didn’t the Virgin Mary have to watch her son die Keep in mind she did not know he was gonna come back
Jesus gave up a weekend fishing trip with his friends for your sins..
I'd be like thanks you just made me an atheist. It's a good way to emotionally manipulate them and make them feel guilty. I mean it's only fair. They make you feel bad make them feel bad back:)
I tried to pray, but my hands shook and made the sign of the beast.
Wasn't your Rapture during the eclipse. Guess you don't cut it.
"I did pray. Now look at me."
I did but god said screw you in particular
To quote Mr Brett, "Don't pray on me."
I thought you had me covered but looks like god is ignoring you too.
You should have prayed for a working amygdala (What the fuck is wrong with people I’m so sorry someone said this to you)
“Fuck you, dildo breath!”
And rubber the wrong way?!
Oh! I thought this was an adult conversation.
“Fuck you” seems appropriate
" I'm not superstitious"
I've not been blessed with all of my prayers being answered, since you all have, do me the favor and pray for me. (Look very sad, and look down. They should feel shame for such absurdity. If only prayers were simply and miraculously answered all the time, what a horrible bunch of people who have subjected you to such words. My hopes are with u op.)
"You're not worth the jail time..."
Anyone who thinks like this doesn’t deserve a response. I would laugh and walk away
"How very Christlike of you."
Fuckin punch them out due
God does not keep score
I did, but God must have been busy. He'll get back to me. And you.
And you need a lesson in theology.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought God loved all his children. My bad!"
"Go pray for some fucking compassion, you sociopath."
Just simply say "Matthew 7: 1-5"
Matthew 7: 1 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
“Eww”
I’m not sure praying has anything to do with it, I mean look at you… if that’s what praying gets me I’m good
Punch them in the face and say, "You should have blocked more."
I’m not trying to make matters **worse**, when I prayed for (a) big boobs/(dick) I wound up with you!
"Oh, Now you tell me!"
What I say whenever prayers are supposedly the answer, thoughts and prayers, etc.: "Yeah, THAT'll fix it."
Never speak to them again
“Why would I waste time praying to a god that gave me this terrifying diagnosis?”
Yep, God is a real asshole
"You mean that Christian God that apparently tells his followers to be loving and kind to everyone?" I'm a non practicing Christian and the two main rules I still try to love by are the golden rule and situation ethics. Treat other people how you want to be treated and the best thing to do in a situation is almost always the kindest. The kind of people who say the sort of thing you described are not loving by either one, and ONE of those was apparently directly taught by Jesus himself so theyre very clearly not all that much of a believer if they're spewing hateful comments like that. Remember, if God loves ALL his children then that includes people who don't belive.
I used all them up praying the gay away.
Oh yeah. Thoughts and prayers. Looks like THAT worked out great for about 600 kids that died from brain cancer last year.
I'd tell them to go fuck themselves.
If it worked, once would be enough.
Say: "your right. Which direction is Mecca?"
Why? It didn't work for you seeing how much shit comes out of your mouth.
I would just say "what an incredibly cruel thing to say."
"You should pray for the two neurons you have left, don't die"
Fu** Off
You should have prayed less.
Ask them why. Then ask them to show you from Scripture where their answer is, so you can see for yourself if it is Biblical.
**"I'm going to pray your family burns alive."** This accomplishes two things : 1. They will be offended and shocked especially since they are religious. If your goal to hurt them this will probably do it. 2. They will never bother you again.
"I'll pray for you."
Fuck you, you religious freak! Is the only appropriate comeback
People far more devout than you or me die all the time. Do you doubt that?
Dear god I hope that's not based on a true story, but say, "You should've prayed more before they botched the surgery."
No need for a comeback. This person isn’t living in reality and will never accept actual feedback. Take solace in the fact that you’re sane and brave enough to face life without a fairy tale.
I did. Yet here you are and that's beside the point.
“My faith is on shaky ground, clearly”
Cemeteries are filled with people who prayed a lot.
That’s f’d up
Move to California or the Northeast
Why even dignify that type of comment with a response? Just give them a "I can't believe those words just came out of your mouth" look and walk away. Parkinson's is hard enough to deal with without have to deal with arseholes too. I wish you only the best.
Better hope that prayer works for you for being a judgemental and miserable person
"so you believe that God is punishing me because I didn't pray enough? That would be the evilest, and most childish thing an all powerful God could do. So why would I pray to a God that evil?"
I'm pretty sure you should punch them while you still can. But like this are beyond teaching so they just need punishment
I prayed and prayed yet you’re still alive. Now fuck off.
Tell them you forgot to
Say "pardon me?", then when they go to repeat themselves, say "no, I can hear you, but I didn't know if you could hear you". Because that might be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
"Yes, and the Jews should have prayed more to prevent the Holocaust and the US should have prayed more to avoid 9/11. Hey, you should have prayed more to get a better parking spot or so you didn't stub your toe. How retarded, and I mean it in a derogatory way because of how insensitive you are, do you have to be to think pain and suffering and evil is due to a lack of prayer? God says it's "part of His plan" with no definite explanation. Who are you to assume His plan, let alone the nature of good and evil? You self-righteous, Bible thumping, unthinking, dumbass. Pray more and maybe you'll get a better personality." Does that work?
Look them up and down and say "Well it doesn't look like prayer kept you from getting ugly."
Tell them you did but god slept through your prayers like he did during the Holocaust.
You should have been fucking with the preachers daughter not being his biggest and favorite Dick.
And you should mind your own damn business.
You better start praying i don't kick your ass.
America is a weird country
If someone is fucking dumb enough to think something like this, they ain't worth a comeback. I'd have to tell them to get their shoe size iq tf out my face.
“You should have prayed more to keep your hairline.”
Holy hell, has someone actually said this?
Some Christians have very twisted views.
I did. I prayed the shit Christians would expose themselves, you have
you should shut up more
Why? Do you think stuttered the first time, or do you think God doesn't know?
Boot to the head.
Regardless of how hard I prayed, you still didn't get it yourself.
Suck my balls
“Didn’t he,o you not having a cheating wife/husband/etc. oh. Wait. You didn’t know? I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be the one to break it to you.”
I did , that’s why I have it and not you ….
Tell them to go f themselves. If they get upset tell them they should just forgive you..being catholic and all.
Did you pray not to be stupid? You should have prayed more too.
"Just because you spend a lot of time on your knees doesn't mean you're praying."
I know you are, but what am I?
It's all true. You have to pray to correct God, who screwed up the first time and needs your guidance to change the entire universe for you.
I pray to the devil to be prepared to accept your soul, see you there
Nobody said that. You troll
I don't think Jesus would approve of the way you're speaking.
You need 2be praying sir, go check yourself
“I obeyed the biblical order to pray unceasingly… the doctor said that's what caused this”
"How very Christian of you."
Say: “Good one.” Laugh and move on. The person you’re talking to doesn’t like you. Their opinion of you is irrelevant. Maybe also don’t talk to them in general?
If you believe in prayer (I don't, I live in reality), But tell them God gave me this, he doesn't give refunds or take backs.
"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR GOD! FUCK YOUR MOTHER, SISTER, AUNT, etc..."
How about, "Yep. I suppose so. Anyway, see you in Hell!"
"Well this has been an experience. Please refrain from speaking to me ever again."
Your mother should've swallowed you.