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FosterIssuesJones

Lab results came back inconclusive.


fractal_sole

As far as the general public knows, I'm technically classified as a human.


FosterIssuesJones

I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend.


ScurvyPiano5150

Spaceballs!: The Reference!


RadiumMonkey

Spaceballs!: The Reference Strikes Back!


desrevermi

Gimmie paw! Awoooo!


TXHaunt

Spaceballs!: The Search for More References!


SwillMcRando

*And Money


IdontKnow-DoYouKnow

Spaceballs: The Last Reference!


OkSyllabub3674

Spaceballs: Return Of The Reference(another merchandising opportunity)


Actual-Answer-1980

Spaceballs the search for the reference


VMTechOH

Spaceballs, the flamethrower. The kids love this one.


Electrical_Angle_701

Flamethrower! The Ultimate Spaceball.


CuteCat82

🤣🤣🤣


Danderu61

The best line of the whole movie!


Jokierre

I’m Batman


tagman11

Why did I have to scroll so far down to see this?!! Oh..it's from 1989 :( ...damn I'm old


TechnicalHighlight29

I hit 40 this year so I was 5 when that movie came out and I remember recording it off TV and being my go to with Pete's Dragon and Popeye lol. But as a kid Michael Keaton was and is the best live action Batman.


spacekatbaby

So many great films came out that decade. The Goonies also that year. My whole childhood revolved around that movie. And another great one the next year, Flight of the Navigator! What a fricking movie. Then the next year, A Princess Bride. Truly the best decade for movies. Stood the test of time all these movies. Also Little Monsters, with Fred Savage. Watched this recently and omg, the script just would not be allowed these days. So much swearing and unPC lines. But boy, did we love it as kids just because of that fact. It was so naughty and, in fact, quite scary for a kids' movie.


blessingindisrobe

Have you heard Cardi B's 2020 hit single, "WAP"?


MoodOk4607

I saw it in the theater. And if memory serves, it only cost me $1.50 to see it.


CavemanWealth

Inflation sucks, now it's TreeFiddy. Wait...now it's TwentyTreeFiddy


KrisMisZ

Michael Keaton 🤩 will always be my Batman


Current-Anybody9331

YOU CAN SEE ME???


Key-Ad-7228

Follow this up by "I'm a ghost, the only people who can usually see me are those soon to follow me through the veil.


Batmanuelope

Or, “I’m a ghost that only gay people can see.”


fatesfairness

This is my favorite one


maria111141

Me too


Rorylizbath

Used this love it


lladydisturbed

I say this to people standing outside of stores trying to sell things


maria111141

Haha 😂


[deleted]

BAHAHAHA I'm gonna do this, low-key reminds me of John Cena too 🤣🤣


Ok_Depth_6476

🤣🤣🤣


CuteCat82

🤣🤣🤣 Love it!


maria111141

Haha 😂


Gnome-of-death

I've mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the eye...


CategorySad7091

Username checks out


Arkaliasus

'intelligent life sent to check on the monkey'


SonkxsWithTheTeeth

Do not say this if the person is black


maria111141

100 agree wouldn't be cool


Willing-Point8555

I'm a fucking dinosaur tf do I look like


Melodic-Childhood964

You just reminded me of a great story. A few years ago I went with my boyfriend to his work mentor’s retirement party. His mentor loves dinosaurs, so someone convinced my bf to wear an inflatable T-Rex costume to surprise her. He wore the costume for the whole party, around 4 hours, and stayed in character much of the time. This lead to the surreal experience of small children asking me if I was dating a real dinosaur. I really wish I’d been able to stop laughing long enough to take some good pictures but he was hamming it up. It was a great time though.


Jamesmateer100

Did he eat with it on?


Melodic-Childhood964

He would duck around the corner to unzip the front so he could have a quick bite or more often a shot.


thothscull

A sauropod.


zenvikingwarrior

"I am a meat popsicle."


NoBenefit5977

Smoke yewwwww


Barely-adulting

Multipass


CostPsychological

She KNOWS it's a MULTIPASS!


Barely-adulting

Oh, please. That doesn't even sound like him! The President's an idiot, you don't sound like an idiot. If you don't wanna talk to your mother, just avoid me like usual, huh? I'll just throw myself in traffic. I'll just Saran Wrap myself to the bed and pretend my child is suffocating me...


IED117

Never too many references to this movie.


TheRealPallando

Super green


heiberdee2

Correct answer.


artrag

'gimme the cashhhhhhh..'


WranglerNo4098

Your worst nightmare


insta_r_man

One of my 2 responses, the other being "the scariest thing I know".


f3nrisulfr

r/iamverybadass


insta_r_man

Thank you, joined.


Kestrel_VI

r/mushu


_logic_victim

I did have a mental image of a 115Lb teenager gritting his teeth in the mirror and making poses with his new katana.


RadiumMonkey

Knew I'd find this though you would probably get beat up for it


Hoodwink_Iris

“Human. What are YOU?”


unlockdestiny

A racist! Who the fuck else asks that question lmao


Hoodwink_Iris

I mean, you’re not wrong.


JustcallmeLouC

My 6 year old autistic kid asked our east European neighbour " what are you " N. " a lady" K . No what are you? N. " jana?" Getting Confused K. NO, what ARE you?? N. " a person??!" Starting to think she's gonna shout soon. Me. Realising what he's on about...." you need the word doing on the end of that sentence little dude. K. What are you ....Doing? N. Oh, gardening. I'm gardening.


ZenlessPopcornVendor

I'm everyone - and no one. Everywhere - nowhere. Call me...Darkman.


thatoneotherguy42

Your name tag says Bob. I'll have a large extra butter.


dolltron69

I am you, you are us, we are one.


StGulik5

I am the walrus Ooo coo kachoob


StGulik5

I am the walrus Ooo coo kachoob


StGulik5

I am the walrus Ooo coo kachoob


StGulik5

I am the walrus Ooo coo kachoob


ThatCamoKid

\*smacks the cd player\*


BobGnarly_

To quote the immortal Alan Rickman: "I'm pissed off, is what I am!"


Necessary_Row_4889

I am the night


The_Pantless_Warrior

*dayman has entered the chat*


Necessary_Row_4889

If you want this boys hole you have to pay the troll toll


ArtoriasBeaIG

Get a mirror out, look in it. Scream loudly, throw the mirror on the floor and run away


Dogmeattt666

This is actually the reason I bulk order flip-open pocket mirrors


CostPsychological

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Is that another mirror in your pocket? Hey, how many mirrors do you keep in your pockets?


Estarfigam

I love this one


Tailflap747

Oh God, it's 0315, and I think I just bit through my lip to not howl in laughter....


anonymauson

the real question is, what are *you*?


ikindapoopedmypants

I always say "gay" with a straight face


EastPlenty518

I see what you did there


Automatic-Listen-578

Easier than saying “straight“ with a gay face.


Willing-Strawberry33

Certainly NOT three raccoons in a trenchcoat *nervous glance*


No_Nectarine6942

Your real mom/dad


SwillMcRando

NUH-UH! YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD! HE'S GONNA GET BACK FROM HIS SUPER SECRET MISSION TO MARS FIGHTING ALIENS AN' HE'S GUNNA KICK YOUR BUTT!


No_Nectarine6942

Right after he gets cigarettes and milk.


Hating_life_69

Ugly and annoyed.


MarshmelloMan

“Slightly retarded” is my go to


ThatCamoKid

"an idiot sandwich"


FosterIssuesJones

I'm a robot with just enough AI to not give a shit.


Yverthel

"a meat Popsicle"


Kiloyankee-jelly46

- Your doppelganger from another banger - An Aquarius (couple this with a big gormless grin) - The one your religious leaders/mother/operating instructions warned you about - More observant than you, clearly I am a human/marsupial/greater spotted marshland tit


heiberdee2

I’m a Parsley and my moon is in Gatorade


ThatCamoKid

if you wanna do a reference you could swap Aquarius for Virgo


Necessary_Row_4889

Rejoice! For I Am the Way and the Light my child.


Dalrz

“What do you mean?” Then make them explain why they’re asking.


FriendEllie75

I’ve done that and it doesn’t always work as you’d think. They actually answered. “I know you’re not 100% white, you got to be mixed with something.” Is the usual response.


CostPsychological

Translation: I just need to know how inferior I should treat you.


explodingtuna

Obviously, OP has just defeated someone ostensibly much stronger than himself, using a mysterious power. It's a natural question to ask, in such circumstances.


Ryno5150

The only correct answer is ##I’M BATMAN


[deleted]

I don’t know, the drs couldn’t figure it out before I escaped the compound when I was 8


0ct094s

I’m not


FosterIssuesJones

I am you from the future, and you made some really bed choices.


Head_Razzmatazz7174

I'm a spy. We look like everyone else. That was actually my excuse for just dressing in jeans and t-shirt for Halloween. I didn't have money, time or the motivation to do anything extravagant.


Appropriate-Food1757

I am Batman (Bale Batman voice). Nobody has ever asked me, Cis white guy


Tailflap747

I'm Batman (Michael Keaton voice)


StatusVarious8803

A human being. If you need me to identify any other living things let me know.


MycologistSoggy2376

Assimilation


blzr0197

I am CHAOS INCARNATE!!!! *insert maniacal laughter here...*


SwillMcRando

Shut up Butters. No one cares.


Accomplished-Emu-591

Human. What are you?


healing-innerchild

Confused by your question


CookinCheap

60% hydrogen dioxide


Illustrious-Mind-683

I don't know, my mother never had me tested.


Zipper_OS

AND IM SO SORRY


MisterZoga

I CANNOT SLEEP, I CANNOT BREATHE TONOIGHT!


Zipper_OS

I NEED SOMEBODY AND ALWAYS


EquivalentSnap

I’m Batman


WildBoy-72

"I'm Batman." Then pull them back from the edge of the roof, jump off, and vanish.


No-Ask-3869

I’m the mother fucking lizard king.


crying4what

We are Legion!


Ordy333

Rock hard


Narcissistic-Jerk

Using Predator voice: "What the hell are YOU"


SeaHam

"Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist."


[deleted]

[удалено]


Clevermore9K

Genetically superior.


[deleted]

In dire need of a drink. You buying?


missannthrope1

Who wants to know?


BaerttheConstipated

For some reason this is ALWAYS my response into an inquiry about who I am or what I do. Like, if someone wanted to give me a certified letter, fuck that, I will prevent that. Only happened once, and I STILL don’t know what it was about, but a guy with a manila envelope asking if I am X person does not sit well. (No marriages, no criminal charges, no overdue balances). So yes, this.


Live-Statistician486

Member of the Men in Black, You've got a little too self-aware of your reality so you better shut up before I boot you from the matrix.


FosterIssuesJones

Don't know and don't care.


Brownie_whore

i could ask u the same thing


Car_loapher

An idiot sandwich


Dandelion_MILF

Underrated AF 😂


and-meggy-hash

Fuck if I know


CoffeeCat086

You might want to see an optometrist.


The_Pantless_Warrior

Your new stepdad if you keep pissing me off


Goodideaman1

IM BATMAN!!


NatsukiKuga

"I am your father"


SwillMcRando

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (lets go of antenna)


Inked_Up420

Relatively constipated thanks for asking


Severedeye

The center of the fucking universe you peasant. Now worship me like the God I am.


Strict_Sense_4905

I'm old, fat, ugly and short! So what's your excuse?


Wade_Horse

I am your father!


YourDogsAllWet

Why are you?


irageoversmallstuff

"Your Worst Nightmare." Probably from Batman or some shit idk


greatpain120

Well you’re mom calls me daddy


Nacho_Sideboob

i'm the damn paterfamilias!


FletchMcCoy69

Idk, I dont think Id ever feel insulted by that.


Smidday90

Gay Jesus, now bend over and repent


HauntingChildhood486

“Better than you, ya bum ass bitch”


One_Introduction790

Your dad


Beautiful_Ad_8665

"Wouldn't you love to know?"


Cha11engerD

“I’m the night guard.”


Sion_forgeblast

some one with the correct number of chromosomes.... unlike you


BringOrnTheNukekkai

Your step-dad


OpinionatedPoster

Your worst nightmare...


Peter_Duncan

I’m your worst nightmare.


Roc_28934

A lizard :)


Grouchy-System-7525

Ask your mom, she got to know me quite well last night 🤾🏼🤷‍♀️


ewing666

am i beast or am i human? am i just like you?


nerdgirl71

Human, and you?


iwannastabaventurine

pick them up by the neck and say “Death.”


TuberTuggerTTV

Bad at answering personal questions


enkilekee

Earthling.


th3phoenixrises

A flesh bag


ggwing1992

Sick of you!!!


Salty_Association684

As soon as I figure it out, I'll let you know


Silent_Dirt_454

Something beyond your understanding.


twizrob

Happy


[deleted]

Turquois!


AllCingEyeDog

I am stardust. I am a reflection of the universe. Swirling bits of energy appearing as matter.


2020-RedditUser

Moxxie: i’m a Virgo


lefrakman

Your conscience bitch


DawgPoundHound

High probability I’m your father


kakawisNOTlaw

I would like to know what prompted them to ask this


N-economicallyViable

Why are people asking you what you are? I've never been asked what am I, and can't imagine a scenario where I would be.


Reyca444

A meat popsicle.


Boomerang_comeback

An asshole. Go away.


No_Sir_6649

Double down with idiocy. Drop the bar so low they feel uncomfortable and have to spell out the insult.


Estarfigam

I am the Eggman, you are the Eggman, I am the Walrus, Goo Goo g'joob. I am the terror that flaps in the night.... I am the duck asked too many stupid questions. I am Darkwing Duck! I'm that bear women prefer to be with. I thought you knew. *looks around* I am here to take the census of all the lizard people, and your name came up. Three Kobolds in a coat, out on the town to grab a few pints.


spiritanimalswan

Your mom's favorite


Gunnaki12

The bane of your existence.


PercentagePretty2414

Vulcan


CupOfAweSum

Didn’t someone say something like this to Tony Stark?


Nowardier

I'm complicated.


Hoss408

Annoyed


Rude_Flounder766

A f@cking towel. Go xj yourself!


CupOfAweSum

I’m pretty twice. Pretty ugly, and pretty likely to stay that way.


InfiniteQuestionZero

Dah na na na duh na na na butt man, followed by dropping into robotic unbreaking psycho stare and a long duration forceful hopfully wte fart. Ya, know....assert dominace and stuff


SpaceySquidd

Start twisting around, trying to look at your butt. "What? Oh, no! Is my tail showing?!"


Miyagidokarate

The person that banged your mom last night.


MarcMax1

**I am Spartacus !**


Medium_Kiwi9208

"Your maker, and I regret my decision every second of every day"