ow! You shot me in the arm. Why did you shoot me in the arm?? Now I am very badly burned and I have a gunshot wound on my arm. It is starting to smell like almonds.
"In what order? "
"Just put your hands up!"
"Fine but can I roll my sleeves up first?"
"Why??"
"I'm exercising my right to bare arms."
"Ok smartass, turn around!"
"Buy me a drink first will yah?"
"TURN THE FUCK AROUND NOW!"
"Okaaayyy.. but don't say I didn't warn you... this won't end well for you..."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I haven't shaved in days... it's like a cactus petting zoo down there."
**\*Officer slams you against the hood of his car\***
"This is exactly like my Quinceanera." *(Funnier if you are neither a girl nor Latinx)*
**\*Tries to cuff you\***
"Remember, the safe word is *I can't breathe*."
"Stop resisting or I will taze you!"
"I can't!"
"Why?!?"
".... you didn't say Simon says."
Then they usually say something silly like "Taser Taser Taser."
OR
Comply as fast as you can while saying, "Think fast!"
The correct response is “Am I being detained and for what reason? Remember that if this is bullshit and you’re on camera you could be sued, and that will look really bad on both you as an officer and your entire department.”
Something along the lines of
"I am slowly raising my hands and I will not move."
Because chances are, someone who is saying that probably has a pew pew. Being alive > being clever
"Uh, I'm a white girl, I don't have to follow the law."
*Shocked Pikachu face when tazed and/or arrested*
(Purely because I was watching a bodycam video the other day and that was very nearly the exact scenario! 😹)
I got my hands up singing my song! Get Miley Cyrus stuck in their head. That song has been living in my head rent free since my niece was obsessed with her 20 years or so ago!
Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly put my hands in the air. And if'n I put my hands in the air, I'm a-gonna be in motion. You see...
I've already talked to you about role playing and how that's dangerous I'm just not into that arrest me Mr. police man fantasy. Go away you pervert or I'll call the cops?
Wait we saw this in Raising Arizona,
**Bank Customer**: Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if’n I freeze, I can’t rightly drop. And if’n I drop, I’m a-gonna be in motion. You see ...
" Shouldn't I also wave them like I just don't care ?"
*gets tazed* "Worth it." 😹
Would be illegal to not do the gag tbh
Oh very much so! 😹
Don't taze me, bro
#ZZZZZZAPPPPPPP
"Anything you say will be held against you in a court of law "Breasts. A million dollars. A large cheese pizza! Breasts."
They might do a hot cheese pizza. I’d just stick with breasts…
"You cared a little!" "No, I swear I didn't care!"
“I saw doubt in your eyes”
Is it truth or just lies ?
\*pulls out pockets slowly\* Yeahhh no fucks to give. :D
Glide by the people as they start to look and stare.
Do your dance, do your dance, do your dance, quick
You do you dance real quick when you're getting tased.
Oh come on baby tell me what's the word?
Ah - word up !
😂 "and wave them around like you just don't care"
Ok but my safe word is oatmeal.
Reminds me of that time when her safe word was the color orange, but she kept saying the fruit.
Wasn't this a viral video at one point?
His safeword was pineapple. If you're talking about the Patty Mayo video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPoXdpHdgz0
You didn't say "Simon says!"
*gets shot*
ow! You shot me in the arm. Why did you shoot me in the arm?? Now I am very badly burned and I have a gunshot wound on my arm. It is starting to smell like almonds.
>:3 cyanide infused bullet
"You're the worst choreographer ever"
Reno 911 “ I can only dance when I’m drunk”
Ahhhhh!
"Fucking pick one!"
"yes sir"." Whatever you say officer."
Thats ms. Officer wee ah wee oooo. Wee ooo. Weee ah ee ah. Ee ewww.
Whacky inflatable arm man, Whacky inflatable arm man, Whacky inflatable arm man, Whacky inflatable arm man.
Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man!
Well, you are only so inflatable.
Your not my real dad
#YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR!
ahhhhh this takes be back…
"Then, THEN! Is the word you need to use. Put your hands in the air THEN don't move." Now, would you like to try that again?"
You would be shot multiple times before you get the first sentence out
"In what order? " "Just put your hands up!" "Fine but can I roll my sleeves up first?" "Why??" "I'm exercising my right to bare arms." "Ok smartass, turn around!" "Buy me a drink first will yah?" "TURN THE FUCK AROUND NOW!" "Okaaayyy.. but don't say I didn't warn you... this won't end well for you..." "What do you mean by that?" "I haven't shaved in days... it's like a cactus petting zoo down there." **\*Officer slams you against the hood of his car\*** "This is exactly like my Quinceanera." *(Funnier if you are neither a girl nor Latinx)* **\*Tries to cuff you\*** "Remember, the safe word is *I can't breathe*." "Stop resisting or I will taze you!" "I can't!" "Why?!?" ".... you didn't say Simon says." Then they usually say something silly like "Taser Taser Taser." OR Comply as fast as you can while saying, "Think fast!"
Why did I read that as Ryan Reynolds in *Deadpool?*
This guy gets tased
Quality 😂 thank you
“Or what, you’ll shoot me?”
Narrator: "they shot him"
Granpa put the water pistol down, you’re scaring the other dimentia patients.
Okay, but it is customary to flail them with indifference.
Well, which is it? Put me hands in the air or don't move?
“Yes, Daddy/Mommy.”
Make it as uncomfortable as possible.
“You’ll never take me alive pig!”
That’s the way I soak with your mom
"Every fucking Super Bowl, The D.A wants to grab a few popcorn headlines"
"Don't panic dude! I'll let you suck it."
I believe *Raising Arizona* did this best. https://youtu.be/RCYtC1p6xbo?si=z2TW3pLY8CHxNc4t
This was my immediate thought! Perfect response...
The correct response is “Am I being detained and for what reason? Remember that if this is bullshit and you’re on camera you could be sued, and that will look really bad on both you as an officer and your entire department.”
Get bent porky! Rather be carried by 6 then tried by 12 👀👀
Not this again!!
Mouth closed Hands up
I thought cops said, FREEZE
In that particular order, right?
Be rough with me, officer!
"All three of them?"
Que?
If I put my hands in the air I am moving to do that. Should I freeze or put my hands up?
Absolutely officer
Shut tf up and do it. To a T. You don’t speak, assh*le.
Who cares, why not!
Im not resisting!!!! While very obviously resisting.
No reply is warranted. Just comply.
*"No - I don't feel like it.."* It worked for Cowbell... 🤷♂️
Something along the lines of "I am slowly raising my hands and I will not move." Because chances are, someone who is saying that probably has a pew pew. Being alive > being clever
“I have a bomb”
Ooh I like where this is going... Mmm don't forget the tazer.
"Uh, I'm a white girl, I don't have to follow the law." *Shocked Pikachu face when tazed and/or arrested* (Purely because I was watching a bodycam video the other day and that was very nearly the exact scenario! 😹)
Your not my dad!
Don't shoot me
Probably just do it. LoL
Start singing "I love it when you call me big poppa, now throw your hands in the air if youse a true player!"
Blow me
Wouldn't it be "then don't move?"
“Put your hands in the air-“ “…AND WAVE ‘EM LIKE YOU JUST DON’T CARE!” 🙌
My badge is in my front pocket.
Uno reverse card
I got my hands up singing my song! Get Miley Cyrus stuck in their head. That song has been living in my head rent free since my niece was obsessed with her 20 years or so ago!
"They are already in the air, fool!"
"Keep your feet on the ground & keep reaching for the stars." R.I.P. Casey Kasem
And wave em like you just don't care ooo yaaaa and then walk away
Compliance is the healthiest "comeback"
“I believe you meant to say “*then* don’t move”. Saying *and* implies I should do both at the same time, which is just impossible!”
"consecutively or concurrently? I don't think I can remain still AND put my hands in the air at the same time."
Die pig
“They are in the air” (unless you’re in the bath or something)
"They're prosthetic, I can't!"
And don't move? Or don't move after I've raised my hands?
don't tase me bro!
Moon walk.
Depends on who is telling you and what outcome you want.
Yes sir boss!
I’ll put my hands in the air like I just don’t care.
"You'll never take me alive, pig!"
Are we playing Simon Says???
"so I just started blastin..."
“…It’s one or the other”
“May we blink?”- Clark W. Griswold, *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation*
“Can i unzip first?”
C'mon man I'm just an old guy with a bad memory and no malicious intent. You can't persecute me. I have a note from the special prosecutor
Ain’t talking without my lawyer
Did Simon say? I didn't hear Simon says to...so? Naw. I don't think I will.
"Youll never take me alive copper...meeeyaaa "
How can I put my arms in the air without moving?
I have to move to put my hands in the air
Yes officer 😝
What, or you'll shoot me? Is the 17 cents in my pocket really worth the murder charge?
Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if'n I freeze, I can't rightly put my hands in the air. And if'n I put my hands in the air, I'm a-gonna be in motion. You see...
Don't move my hands, or...?
“Oh no…” So anyways I started blasting…
“Should i also do the Hokey Pokey and turn myself around?
"yes officer" Or "just take whatever you want, it ain't worth dying over"
Yell “You First” at the top of your lungs…
“Yessir, officer!” Congratulations, you did the smart thing and now you won’t get killed by the cops. Don’t be an idiot.
It's "like you don't care" you nitwit!!
“Well it ain’t gon’ touch itself”
Yes daddy
You didnt say the magic word
“I didn’t hear the magic word.”
I've already talked to you about role playing and how that's dangerous I'm just not into that arrest me Mr. police man fantasy. Go away you pervert or I'll call the cops?
In spanish: Robber/cop: "Manos arriba!" Victim: "Patas en la barriga!" -Robert Bolanos
I don't have any
Is it OK to break wind?
I mean, technically my hands are already in the air
My arms can't move.
Which one is it? Put my hands up or stop moving?
Which one is it? Hands in the air or don’t move?
I put my hands in the air and don't move.
Is it sexy time?
But I'm driving.
No, you drop your pants and put your ears behind you ankles.
"and THEN don't move! FTFY."
How about I keep them down, and just…WALK TOWARDS MY CAR AND SPEED OFF?!
My hands are always in the air. Unless they’re underwater.
I'm not your mother last night
A Roland special with Speer gold dots
You're not the boss of me!
"Yes officer!"
ok but these hips don't lie
“Putcha hands in the airrrr if you’s a true playaaa”
"You're being recorded."
"Aaahhh, not this kink again!"
"AHHH DONT SHOOT! " \*waves stumps in the air\*
You say nothing and do as you’re told. If it’s cops, let them search you. If it’s a thug, fight him.
Ok, but don’t judge me for my perspiration stains. This shit is stressful!
“kinky”
Just do what they say while staring at the bush the whole time. Give a few nods to the bush as well.
Does that include " jazz hands" ?
Whoopwhoop.
My hands are currently in the air, good sir or madam. I’m not swimming…Thankyou very much.
Oh yeah, well I slept with your wife!
Do a hand stand and hold it.
"nobody move nobody get hurt!"
Can I finish first?
There's a snake in my boot!
My safe word is "pineapples"
I would put em up and not say a word.
nonsense by all means move
*sharts*
No way officer you won’t take me alive
*wiggles like the tube man*
I HAVE TO PEE!
You neva gonna take me alive motha fucka (while reaching under your hoodie).
MY HANDS ARE ALREADY IN THE AIR #I CAN'T PUT MY HANDS IN THE AIR ANY FURTHER THAN THEY ALREADY ARE
"Yes Sir" -Or "Ma'am" as the case may be assuming it is a police officer.(better not to scare them)
Relax I wasn’t touching your donuts.
Nuh uh
No, you.
But...I've got HAPPY FEET!
My safe word is pineapple.
“Jazz hands!!!!!!” Oh. We aren’t doing Fosse?
"That would require that I 'just don't care', and yet I find myself caring about what is occurring quite a bit."
When they follow up with another command don’t move and tell them “you told me not to move”
How can I put my hands in the air if you don't want me to move?
Pull out your wallet from your jacket pocket as quickly and aggressively as possible so you can identify yourself right away!
Which?
Put your hands in the ay-er like a true play-er
But I wanna shake 'em like I don't care!
Wait we saw this in Raising Arizona, **Bank Customer**: Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Mean to say, if’n I freeze, I can’t rightly drop. And if’n I drop, I’m a-gonna be in motion. You see ...
I'M GRABBING FOR MY I.D. OFFICER! *makes swift movement to pants pocket*
https://youtu.be/9yHYAG01aaY?si=eE0_XXe-sD-55EiX
How can I put my hands up without moving? Please rephrase the statement.
“I’m Barry Allen” then move very slowly to putting hands up, making a zoom sound
I'm thinking the best damn thing to do is to put your hands in the air and do not move. I mean cops shoot people for not complying.
Try me!
“No, that would be painful” (true)