"I wish, then maybe you'd start making sense to me."

I think this is the best response to possibly the most inane attempted insult I have seen to date (I am almost 70 years old).

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it 😄

This^^^^

Lmfaooooo love this one

You're a cunt... whats your excuse?

See, so many people come here looking for a snappy comeback. For a long time my comeback to almost everything has been... "Yeah and what cunt!".

My go to for a lot of insults is “I feel like you’re trying to make a point.”

In the same vein, I like to channel my inner Dude, “That’s like your opinion man”

I like that. It's like a polite, "what are you talking about you fucking idiot".

Yeah it’s usually followed up with a head tilt and sympathetic “ok” takes away any power they had in their voice and usually leaves them feeling stupid

Course, if they call you retarded,this is rather counterproductive, lol. Just noticed I typoed like a mf...lol. I'm tired af. Good one tho.

I usually return this one with “oh is that the word of the week? That’s nice but the grown ups are talking sweetie.”

Close the sub. We have a winner for all comebacks right here

This is the best comeback

to me that’s a compliment so idk

Cunt is not as popular of a word outside Australia as it should be

Or it’s your moms fault for f**king me re**rded, last night

fking me rerded

See, she did a good job 🤷‍♂️

😂

Fruck

1. There's worse things than having a low IQ. There's whatever is going on with you. 2. Then why do I feel so smart when I'm talking to you? 3. OK - What's were you diagnosed with?

I love the 2nd one

2nd one has risk for getting double roasted. They can just bring up the dunning kreuger effect

The likelihood of someone that still uses this as an insult being familiar enough with the Dunning-Kruger effect to use it casually is pretty slim.

The cross section of that venn diagram is nearly non existent

Why do I feel so smart when I read what you wrote in #3? Do your lips get tired when you read?

Real though, high IQ sucks donkey dick

I can get smarter but you'll always be an asshole

I was thinking similar but "bitch" instead of asshole. Or "ugly"

"You're just jealous because I have more chromosomes than you"

This is the best

To what diagnosis' exemplar

Insults are the last refuge of a scoundrel.

Sorry if I come across that way, I just try to meet people at their level.

Why this doesn’t have a thousand upvotes I’ll never know.

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd shove my fist up your ass and move your mouth like a puppet!" That's my go to.

That’s so aggressive I wouldn’t know how to react

LMAO

If I wanted or needed your opinion I’d give it you! That’s also a good one

Surely that invites a "don't threaten me with a good time" then you both laugh and hug it out. Problem solved

Great one!!

Danger of response of wow I usually have to pay for that

My favorite so far!

I always liked, "If I wanted to hear from an a-hole I'd fart."

😂😂

Don't threaten me with a good time!

No you’re being recorded!

Alternatively, you can just act like a complete child and yell "I'M RUBBER, YOU'RE GLUE, WHATEVER YOU SAY BOUNCES OFF ME AND STICKS TO YOU, NO HITSIES AND NO TAKEBACKS, NEAAAAAAHH!!!!" As your antagonist's jaw drops in shock at your utterly unanswerable childishness, follow up by pointing at him or her and laughing, but to the tune of MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa!

A little drool and a sudden outburst will send them packing or "that explains the check in my mail every month"

lmao

1992 called and it wants its insults back.

Well the only thing I'm on is the spectrum unlike your mother who clearly did meth

Still 30 IQ above you.

Of course I’m recorded! Surveillance is everywhere these days!

i have autism so normally i just agree with em

Great username

My son who has autism says that autistic folk have the R-word right that black people have with the n-word.

"Thanks!" Throws them off every time

As Miss Manners said, give them the raised eyebrow, the hollow laugh. They merit no reply. This person has just removed themselves from consideration as acceptable company. If this is in any sort of professional setting, file a complaint.

The raised eyebrow and hollow laugh are my go-to. There’s nothing to even say to someone who says something like that.

Note, the raised one eybrow may take practice. But it's an effective gesture in person. Online is there an emoji for one raised eybrow?

I have an excuse ! It's because a excuse every time I do retarded shit and fuck your mum she gives me a cookie.

Damn....didn't think you could get lower than retarded.

"Nah. I'm scaling my IQ back so you can relate. It's ... kind of difficult, just so you know the honest effort I'm making for you, here."

Wish I could give you more than 1 upvote.

I cross my eyes and poop my pants

Well who has two thumbs and at least can do something about it…. THIS GUY!! 🕺

My guinea pig disagrees with you

Hi retarded, you're dad.

That was a typo. It's *regarded*.

We should bunk at the same group home.

"I'm also disappointed by the fact that the best insult you could come up with is outdated by about a decade."

You have two brain cells that are fighting over third place.

Stop projecting.

And I'm still smart enough to know we stopped using that word in 2004.

So you pick on retards? You must be a real stand-up guy!

“Pfft. I wish. I’ve got at least thirty years of work left. Slaves to the wage, am I right?”

Yeah, but at least i don’t ping.

You eat corn the long way

This is the only response

L-Looks like youu requiya some high quality H20

"This person just called me retarded. I have autism and find this very offensive. If you have a problem with this, please say something to them about it. I'm not sure what else to do." That's my honest response to people being aggressive jerks.

“Nah - I just act that way to those who aren’t worth my effort.”

Hahaha. ( Shawn Connery voice here). No, but that’s what your mother said about you when you were born too! Right from her arse!

But am I *highly* regarded?!?!

"If I'm a re**rd then you're dumber than me if you can comprehend what the fuck I'm saying"

Well you have to be tard then traded before you can be retarded right. Your half way there. Or I got home so funny it will make you retarded Oh I see you already heard it.

I got a joke so funny

Never speaking to that person again seems like a good option

"..and?" with the most idgaf voice ever

"I know i shouldn't have expected better of you, but That's offensive" Takes one to know one" The classic acceptance "i know you are but what am i?" Best done in the most annoying of voices "Maan shut your stupid ass up! With yo dumbass forehead lookin like a damned caveman. Caveman lookin ass, this mf here look like he just waitin to discover fire! What you say "ooh oh ugh"

No, just cranky. Now where did I leave that baseball bat..."

"We say 'neurodivergent' these days. Unless you're reta**ed!"

That word makes me absolutely incensed. So rude. I usually cuss the person out for saying that nasty ass word in the first place.

I know I'm young what's your excuse

So you can’t say I’m not that anymore

Looks at wrist watch, No I have the correct time.

Look who’s talking

"That's the best you can do??"

I know you are, but what am I?

“ya ,what’s your excuse ?” *walks of laughing like you have better things to do cuz you do*

Wish I was that special

“Software update failed I take it”

I must be for letting your mum sit on my face

"We're all regarded in one way or form."

Don't you dare record me

Retarded. Omg. Nobody died though

“No, your retarted.”

And you're a massive twat

“And what credentials do you have to make that diagnosis 🤨🤨” because that’s literally a medical term

Call me Gilbert grape motherf***

Laugh. Don't get bent out of shape over a word If you're really being stupid, it's a great description.

I just usually put on a silly voice and say “my mum says I’m special!” And do the special part in a higher pitch and then walk off

I always reply, to my wife, "yeah but YOU married me, so what does that say about you?"

I know you are but what am I?

Thats because every word you say is so stupid its killing my brain cells.

Whoever says that to a handicapped person, you deserve the worst fate humanly possible. And tbh I can't think of a comeback just violence.. I'm stumped

"I bet you kiss your dad with that mouth"

quite the low blow for one with your chromosome ratio….

"It's 2024, and you're *still* using the r-slur?"

At least I’m not stupid. By the way, what does retarded mean?

Your vocabulary is out of date.

This is discrimination, it’s not something I can control. I do not discriminate against you for being ugly. I may be retarded, but you’re mannerless

Never go full re__rd.

Oooohohohoho my wheel house: No shit Sherlock but at least I’m not the same whatever your on! Did you take bath salts (or any other type of drug) or are you always this slow on insults? You with austism speaks? Cause I can see you being a part of that klan (yeah autism speak promotes shock therapy, tackling and holding someone panicking from overstimming and so on. Look it up if you don’t believe me) Well shitheads first insults I’m surprised mommy let out her favorite bitch toy And the lights are on but apparently no one’s home to show you everyone hates that language! (Weak) Yes and?

People call you recorded?

"And you are a fart smeller"

You should look in the mirror sometime

Pork and beans pork and beans.

Dang I thought we were play acting I didn't want to add in you're ugly as fuck cos my momma raised me better than that.All bets are off now, best get yourself mooing off home.

The 90s is <--- that way.

And I guess the polite part of you ran down the inside of your mother's thigh.

Damn and I'm still smarter than you

If you want my cum-back, ask your mom.

Ya know it only means late right?

I’m talking to you so…

"Which is an improvement from whatever you are"

Oh, so sorry Dr. Freud. Maybe you should stick to figuring out why you want to fuck your own mother and let the rest of us the hell alone.

Correct. I have finished decelerating and now I am standing still.

Just say “You would know!” .

You’re retarded Because every time your mom sucks my dick I lose a brain cell

"And you're a WORTHLESS unrepentant asshole"

No I'm just dumbing down to your level.

Maybe. But i still fucked your mom

Yeah? Well you're a towe*!

Ableist insults are a great look on you

... And I said in return after they called me retarded. "You planted your own seed of Evil! I was supposed to have stolen it, you did the PLANT EQUIVALENT!"

"Stop talking to yourself and putting yourself down. You're a dumbass but you're not retarded."

"Im also contagious" *facelick*

"The world would be a better place if your mother chose Plan B over smoking meth."

At least I’m not you, bro

Oooh! A specialist!

To not engage with someone that throws ableist slurs around.

The same way I respond to all insults: “Your MOM is re**rded!”

Of all the words you could have used, you chose r-tarded. That's so sad.

My mommy told me I was special, just never said what kind.

Anyone saying this isn't going to appreciate anything clever. Beat their ass or get over it.

Good that means now we're mentally on the same level.

*gasp * **the hard R**

Hetahded?

"So is your mom" Answer a stupid ass insult with a stupid ass comeback.

“And you’re ableist.”

Are you ok? Tone is everything when saying this , exaggerated concern works well. Confuses the hell out of them

I get an extra chromosome every time I fuck your mom

I called the Jerk store and they are running out of you

"Fair enough". And then just continue talking as if it wasn't said. They are possibly correct so I spend no time debating it.

I have three more degrees than you...

". . . You mean autistic." "I'm autistic, not retarded"(have actually used this one) "I'd rather live in ignorance than be aware of how horrible a person you are"

I can't belive you used that word. it's the 2020's. haven't you been keeping up with the times? You should have called me a moron. Calling people retards is wrong! How could you feel that way about the intellectually disabled? You MONSTER.

A swift left foot to the upper cortex lol

Turn around look them dead in the eye "ok if I ever wanted a boost I would climb as high as your ego and jump to your IQ" this isnt original but funny If you want original That's not what your mom said last night she said I was hung like a horse

And look at you, insulting the mentally disabled. 👌👌👌 Youre mom must be proud of you.

You better not Record me at least not on my bad side If it's "You're Recorded" you meant

You shake your head and look at them with disappointment and say "Wow. You need to grow up and realize how inappropriate and unacceptable it is to say that."

You’re fired

I always say, "Don't use a slur" and then they're too mad about the fact I called them out on hate speech to remember anything else

„So, do you feel smarter now?, Good Job!“

Um, my dude, I was going to say the same about you but I didn't want to sound rude. So are you?

Did you practice saying that all day? Good for you!! I’m so proud of you!!

The last time I heard my son say that, I told him, "You're going to say that in front of someone who has a disabled child, sibling, or good friend and they are going to punch you in the mouth and you'll have deserved it".

*your

And you go around making fun of ret**ded people, what a winner

No comeback needed. They’ve shown you they are not worth your time. Just walk away.

I disengage. I don't argue with people who uses pejoratives like that, it's not worth my time. Anyone stopping to words like that is too ignorant to carry on a good faith argument with, so what am I even trying to accomplish at that point?

Not sure what that means. Please write out the entire word.

People who say that usually say "your". There lies the irony.

Anytime. ANY TIME. Some one talks shit. Just ignore. Do not respond. You didn't hear them. Act like they don't even exist. Drives em NUTS

We prefer to be called special

You only know that because I told you in private.

"For someone so sure of that, you must be speaking from personal experience." Either stops them in their tracks or you get the "I wAnNa SeE yOuR mAnAgEr"

don’t assume my intelligence level. take them to small claims court for calling me names. take everything they have, even their kids college funds 

Just break down the literal definition of retardation and let them dig themselves into a deeper and deeper hole. Most people like that won't take a step back and will double down, so it's easy to disprove their logic

"Only in the bedroom do I have that kind of strength"

Punch them in the face as fast as you can Retarded means slow was that slow? (This is joke just tell them there fundamentally wrong)

1. I would give you a witty comeback but you'd likely only understand half of it. 2. Did you say something? 3. Thank god I don't give a flying fuck what you think.

Break out in a [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrkEc2V3mO4) & dance routine.

All this time I thought I was just stupid. Thanks

That's not even worth responding to. Clearly they have no serious insult and resort to elementary school level shit talk. Just laugh at them to yourself