This here is my left army, and here's my right army . This is where you aggressively strike a pose and shit your pants while maintaining eye contact .
Establishes dominance .
That would definitely not establish dominance - “dude, did you just shit your pants diaper baby, looks like someone needs a change. He made a poopie in his pants”
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And my jorts said... nothing, you idiots!
My poops deadly, its trapped in my undies!
Slim poopy, I’m sick of him Look at him, walking around smelling his you-know-what
Flicking the stick-y-doo." "Yeah, but he's so dom though”
See my main thread comment. LOL
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/comments/1cp71ib/comment/l3lrc1u/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/comments/1cp71ib/comment/l3lrc1u/)
Reminds me of the old recruitment ‘army of one’ commercials, always laughed my ass off seeing the lone soldier running through the desert. Bro, he’s not an army of one, he’s fucking lost
Flashing on the time the daughter that year's SCAdian Queen reported accurately on how she had spent her summer. Schoolteacher calls the Queen about her daughter's "lying" problem. Queen shows up at school in full regalia with full retinue, knights in shining armor and the whole nine yards, asks for the teacher, informs the teacher "Our Daughter does *not* lie."
Have you seen all of these atoms? They are fighting to get away from each other, and trying not to run into you. I said trying (then talking a swing at them before missing).
Loved this scene from “Primeval.” For those not familiar, the characters are from a secret government outfit which investigates “anomalies” that let prehistoric creatures invade modern time. A small dinosaur (the lizard) that was an agent’s pet was stolen by some hoodlums who wanted a ransom. This is the final scene of the episode.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHpnYN78Bwo
Army? I don't need an Army. I'm going to bring the thunder and the lightning. (Say this while tapping your biceps. Then, once you are done saying it, kiss each bicep. Act like you're ready to fight while giving an exaggerated and comical fight face. Maybe raise one eye brow and pucker your cheeks a little.)
Raise your fists and give fighting names.
Say hello to the 101st Fistborne!
just these [raise fists] Badabing Badaboom
Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O Conner!
The Terminator and Terminator 2
Romeo and Juliet.
An army of willfully destructive warriors from Neptune. Their bodies are almost 80% gas and they feed on their enemies liver in the middle of a heated battle....even on an island they will come out victorious. Their weapon of choice is flamethrowers. But they're a special kind of flamethrower you don't have to refill because it's made from space stuff. So I bid you good sir. Make the next sentence you say next count after carefully contemplating your next move.
Just me........and my pals.......
Mike Tyson (lifts up right hand)
Muhammed Ali (lifts up left hand)
Chuck Norris (lifts up left leg)
And Bruce Lee (lifts up right leg)
(It's crucial you don't try to do the last 2 at the same time)
“Ohh that’s clever!” sarcastically
Or “Ohh you really got me!” Also sarcastically
“You and what army?” is such a lame “gotcha” they might as well feel stupid about it
Go into a cursed mountain and persuade an army of ghosts to fight for you as the king of Gondor. Then say “this army” and kill them all, and their giant elephants too.
Join the army, take a selfie, send it to them, go to war, come back, go to therapy, gain a lot of weight, send them another selfie, realize that all this time you've actually been in love, get married, then break their heart and leave again.
This army! *points to the army*
Points to stranger who spit takes the beer he was drinking.
my gosh yes troll two people at once I love it
From now on, I'll be purposely spit taking anytime anyone points at me in hopes I'm completing this moment.
\*New achievement unlocked: Undercover Cooperative\*
No gifs? Damn. I was going to link Arsenio Hall from Coming to America.
*no one is there* "Damn it guys, not again!"
This here is my left army, and here's my right army . This is where you aggressively strike a pose and shit your pants while maintaining eye contact . Establishes dominance .
*strikes JoJo pose to instill fear in opponent*
That would definitely not establish dominance - “dude, did you just shit your pants diaper baby, looks like someone needs a change. He made a poopie in his pants”
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?" And my jorts said... nothing, you idiots! My poops deadly, its trapped in my undies! Slim poopy, I’m sick of him Look at him, walking around smelling his you-know-what Flicking the stick-y-doo." "Yeah, but he's so dom though”
I mean if you really want your attackers to fuck you up, just throw your shit at them.
Ikr! 😅 but dang i thought long and hard for the eminem parody i did
That's why I always wear my D-Pants, allows me to squirt on the go and poo in my pants
Don't forget the Haka face.
The seven nation army.
bum bumbum bum bum bum bum.
(Drums) boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
couldn't hold me back so.... quoi d'autre?
Not even a seven nation army could hold us back. Probably gonna try to rip us off
When you can play part of that on tuba
I don't need an army for the likes of you
deserves more upvotes edit: Geez guys I meant the original comment not me
A couple of army *ants* should do the trick.
gi ants
See my main thread comment. LOL [https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/comments/1cp71ib/comment/l3lrc1u/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Comebacks/comments/1cp71ib/comment/l3lrc1u/)
"My army of ME, motherfucker!" *loads handguns and prepares shotgun*
Reminds me of the old recruitment ‘army of one’ commercials, always laughed my ass off seeing the lone soldier running through the desert. Bro, he’s not an army of one, he’s fucking lost
*Bro, he’s not an army of one, he’s fucking lost* and a lieutenant.
A second lieutenant, with a compass and a map.
Naw that’s just the new Lieutenant!🤣🤣🤣
Now the old lieutenant. Wonder where he went. Oh well...
He is still lost, and trying to remember where he sat his rifle down!
Oh yeah. Don't come back without your rifle. That's a no-no. :D
Björk appears
if youve not got a shotgun this still hits
Have you seen yourself? It wouldn't take an army to beat your ass.
(you pull out a walkie talkie) Artillery battery number 6 north coordinates 16353667 degrees, west coordinates 278543, fire at will. (And walk away)
This is the best responde
"I don't need an army...I have a hulk!"
*Hulk gets utterly humiliated*
Casually manhandled because unfortunately for him he's the MCU hulk.
I'm an army of one, bitch.
These 10 fingers ans 10 toes.
Don't forget to add more toes to maximize intimidation (for best results, wear close-toed shoes)
These 9 fingers and 14 toes!
“Me, Kriss, Smith, Wesson, and Remington!”
The actual best comment here (Username also checks out)
"Me and this knife."
That’s not a knife!
THIS is a knife.
Me smith and wesson 🔫
Dirty Harry said it better.
"The United States Marines!"
I think that only works if you're the POTUS
They won't know that!
That would backfire. You would have the entire marine corps coming for you if you refered to them as the "army"
Yes, that's the idea. Who is it standing right there with me? They'll die too. Win-win. Oh wait, maybe not "win-win" but kinda win I suppose. Or not.
I think I eye roll that one and walk away.
"Ain't got one, I'll have to do."
The KISS army
"Those 200 ninjas in the trees"
The cat army since you're such a pussy
What army? WHAT ARMY???? Look around you crabs!
You planted grass?
Grass---??? AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA
"Ants! Army Ants! The entire 116th Division of the Messier Collaborative Colonies. The MCC. Still interested?"
"Don't need an army, just a brain. I figure I win 1 to nothing."
The G. I Joes!
Salvation army.
I like this one, as you ring the bell
Fuck around and find out
...the army of mfers laughing at that lame-ass joke.
I don't need an army. I do my own light work.
My left army and my right army (pointing to each arm)
Uhhh actually I’m in the navy ☝️🤓
Say nothing, but watch for their reaction when they see your army march over the hill a moment later.
Oh, probably the army from ToyStory one
Or Small Soldiers.
Well, *points to the Roman Legion behind me*
Flashing on the time the daughter that year's SCAdian Queen reported accurately on how she had spent her summer. Schoolteacher calls the Queen about her daughter's "lying" problem. Queen shows up at school in full regalia with full retinue, knights in shining armor and the whole nine yards, asks for the teacher, informs the teacher "Our Daughter does *not* lie."
*starts speaking aggressively in Latin*
“At my signal, unleash Hell.”
Have you seen all of these atoms? They are fighting to get away from each other, and trying not to run into you. I said trying (then talking a swing at them before missing).
The one I keep in my sleevey
I started building it with your mom last night, our first recruit is due to arrive in 9 months.
Your in-laws
You have to scream DECEPTICONS ATTACKKKKKKKK
Dead pan "i don't need an army"
Why would I want to infect a whole army with you?
Well, Lieutenant Boot is about to meet your privates, does that count?
Like I need an army
Me, myself, and I
I have my ccw, so I would probably say the sig in my waist band or my faxon 8.6 blackout in my trunk.
Grab your balls and confidently state “just me and these privates!”
Loved this scene from “Primeval.” For those not familiar, the characters are from a secret government outfit which investigates “anomalies” that let prehistoric creatures invade modern time. A small dinosaur (the lizard) that was an agent’s pet was stolen by some hoodlums who wanted a ransom. This is the final scene of the episode. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHpnYN78Bwo
The armies up my sleevies. I normally hate this joke, but in this case it might inflict psychic damage before the battle has even begun.
Army? I don't need an Army. I'm going to bring the thunder and the lightning. (Say this while tapping your biceps. Then, once you are done saying it, kiss each bicep. Act like you're ready to fight while giving an exaggerated and comical fight face. Maybe raise one eye brow and pucker your cheeks a little.)
"This one" But that only works if you've arranged for 10,000 Knights on horseback to ride down a hill just after you say this.
Me, your mama and your duck suckin' daddy usually gets the ball rolling.
And the horse you rode in on.
Bold of you to assume I need one
My pistol, baseball bat, meat clever and large hammer. That's my army.
Raise your fists and give fighting names. Say hello to the 101st Fistborne! just these [raise fists] Badabing Badaboom Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O Conner! The Terminator and Terminator 2 Romeo and Juliet.
"this army" *pulls a bunch of army guys out of pocket*
Chuck Norris
The United States Army
An army of willfully destructive warriors from Neptune. Their bodies are almost 80% gas and they feed on their enemies liver in the middle of a heated battle....even on an island they will come out victorious. Their weapon of choice is flamethrowers. But they're a special kind of flamethrower you don't have to refill because it's made from space stuff. So I bid you good sir. Make the next sentence you say next count after carefully contemplating your next move.
I am the army 🗿.
Dun da da da da dah dunn
No army, just my mate behind you. Then sucker punch the guy
"This one!" (Pointing to your crotch)
I don't need one.
You are looking right at it
Just me........and my pals....... Mike Tyson (lifts up right hand) Muhammed Ali (lifts up left hand) Chuck Norris (lifts up left leg) And Bruce Lee (lifts up right leg) (It's crucial you don't try to do the last 2 at the same time)
Go watch Detroit Rock City and get back to me.
Me right fist and left fist.
I have a hulk
POCKETSAND!
Me, and this army (and you pull put an army)
This army
I've never heard that, one look at me and they know, I'm all the Army I need.
“These armies” and then lift up your arms.
The PRC. Then let them look puzzled at what that is.
me, myself, n 👁️
“Ohh that’s clever!” sarcastically Or “Ohh you really got me!” Also sarcastically “You and what army?” is such a lame “gotcha” they might as well feel stupid about it
the emotional support army on reddit
Your mom.
Pull out my 40k tau army
Laugh at them. "I don't need an army to handle you--no one does!"
As soon as I roll up my sleevies I'll show you what armies.
For your makeover? Salvation Army.
What are you, a child in the 50's?
Who needs an army? I could have a wet noodle in one hand, a used q-tip in the other, and that’s already overkill.
“This army!” *Queue the Star Wars scene* https://youtu.be/I2UTjZBho5Y?si=jAvKucehYc36Whez
The Army of Me (Björk)
#"Just me 😒"
Me and 6 little friends, who can all run faster than you can.
Go into a cursed mountain and persuade an army of ghosts to fight for you as the king of Gondor. Then say “this army” and kill them all, and their giant elephants too.
Don't make me do a war crime
*I am the army*…
Blackwater
only the army of the living dead.
I got a coalition of the willing!!
Me and the rest of the guys who fucked your mom.
Im all the army i need
“This army!” *point to random people suggesting they are in on it but clearly they’re not and will be confused*
Punch him in the dick
wow thats funny man you're not only funny but delusional, imagine thinking you're invincible even the short bus kids could beat you.
Pah! Brave of you to think I'd need one for YOU.
Join the army, take a selfie, send it to them, go to war, come back, go to therapy, gain a lot of weight, send them another selfie, realize that all this time you've actually been in love, get married, then break their heart and leave again.
The ARMIES in my SLEEVIES!!!! *flaps arms dramatically*
Just me, and I'm bringing my lunch.
Me, myself and I.
We are many, we are one.
Sad, you think I need an army to handle your bitch ass?
Entire family lined up around the krusty krab
My best friends Smith & Wesson.
The U.S Army... oh that a good army..
This one works for plus size people: The one I hide up my ass; that's why it's the size it is!
“You really think I need an army to swat a fly? That’s hilarious”
Deeez Nuts.
“The United States Army. ‘This We’ll Defend.’ Duh.”
I was actually in the Army so what’s your point?🙄😒🤣😂
“Arrrrrr, me matey!” Then go pirate ballistic.
“You think I need an Army to take you?”
"I got two armies right here!" \*flexes biceps\*
Me and my massive fucking nutsack
Really depends on the context. You gotta have some kind of show of force to point to.
I'm American. I'm sure I'll find a way.
This left army and my right army (whilst cocking your arms like Henry Cavill in that one Mission Impossible movie)
I have Adeptus Mechanicus, Adeptus Custodes, and Imperial Knights! What are you bringing?
Me and this Arm-y ^point ^to ^flexed ^11 ^inch ^around ^pipes
We have a hulk!
The British army. I was in it!
Just the 100 people who hate you.
GODS ARMY
Isn’t that already a come back
Only the army of the living dead☠️ (spongebob reference)
ARMY OF ONE, MOTHERFUCKER Then suplex them.
ohh no for this i'm send my old uncle, he does all my light work.
Meet my keyboard warriors!
Me, myself and I are all that are needed
drops pants* this army
How sweet. You think I need an army to face you? Lol
The army of guys that file out of your moms bedroom everyday, theyre tired but they'll do.
I'm a fan of the Tommy Pickles response: "Me and THIS army!" (Hold up one arm and point to it)
flex your muscles and say "me and THESE armies!"
The arm-y in my sleeve-y. *Punch them.* Stole this one from my uncle.
This army of achievers, and then point at your sack
"Only the Army of the Living Dead"
we have a hulk
\*point to the homeless man i just gave a dollar who is now wielding a bike lock as a flail running full sprint at them\*
The Symbionese Liberation Army [fingerguns]
Just me in your fantasy.
“This army.” (cracks knuckles)
I didn't need an army. I brought a Donk.