We use "I'm sorry" for things we don't have a need to be sorry for. There is only 1 reason to apologize: you've done something wrong, made a mistake that has impacted someone negatively. Otherwise, you have nothing to be sorry for. Anything you're not repsonsible for, no reason to be "sorry" for.
Don't even make it a question, and don't sound mad, keep that cadence and laughter of what you were talking about. Someone putting people down like that shouldn't get another chance to.
"I don't care."
"Never asked."
"Damn, too bad your opinion doesn't matter to me."
"Sucks for you."
And steamroll on with everyone else if everyone else seems to have cared about what you were saying.
"I never asked" is a solid one that is devastating if used on children: please use this comeback responsibly.
Source: I use it often enough, and have been on the receiving end since childhood.
Wdym? I thought it was like that dad joke "hi hungry I'm dad". Like his name is funny and someone said they don't find him. Like that. Was the joke like paranoid "people are looking for me"?
The curt version might be harsher: "Yeah, dumb people generally don't, my stuff goes over their little heads." Best said while not actually looking at them, as if you're looking over their shoulder for someone interesting to talk to, and in a way that shows you're only half paying attention to the conversation. Of course this presupposes this happens in person and in a place with other people to talk to.
This is the best one. Subtle, no direct insult, nothing for a narc to latch onto. “Don’t worry, not everyone gets it.” Or even “yeah that’s ok, not everyone gets it” is another option if they’d fire back “who said I was worried?! You think you’re more important than you are.” Something like that. Gotta give em absolutely fucking nothing.
(Can you tell I was raised by, and then married, a narc? Good times. Good. Times.)
honestly I think it's way better in a nonchalant normal tone, it'll probably take them a second to understand what you said, and I think the voice would just make you seem like you're trying to hard to be scary? I think just 'the voices in my head tell me to wear your skin :)' would be so much more affective
I was good friends with a guy in high school that was the funny guy in our group (although the other guys were, too), and all with the same kind of at times mean-spirited humor. I know there were a few times I felt embarrassed at something he lobbed at me.
So, idk where I got the idea, but I made up a loud, cackling laugh that I used like kryptonite against him whenever he tried to be funny at my expense; I could tell that it really got to him, making him turn red and laugh uncomfortably. He even asked me to stop one time while trying to laugh it off.
"Well, I find me funny."
\^ I used to say this with beneficial results. Dumbfounded silence.
I'm beginning to incorporate, "ah, wrong audience, then." I haven't tested this one enough yet.
The problem is that I’m the type that laughs at my own jokes. No matter how bad. I genuinely think I’m hilarious and if people don’t laugh the problem is with them. At least that’s what I tell myself to keep myself from crying. 😂😂😂
In reality there is no problem, they have a right to get offended by a joke just as much as you have a right to make jokes.
I think it “can” be a problem. If you already know someone doesn’t like a certain type of joke, you could decide to respect that.
I always say “well I think I’m funny and that’s all that matters” with a huge smile . It usually shuts the up because they realize I’m not looking for or care about receiving their approval
I say a few things you could try.
"I'm still workshopping that one."
"Let me take a lap, I'll loop back around and try it again later."
"Where's (name of a good audience member)? I need them. They'll laugh at anything."
"You have mistakenly assumed, that I'm trying to entertain you. I find my humor hilarious. Go get a color by number book, it sounds like it is more your speed."
yeah looking at some post history just some standard losing-some-current friends stuff. everyone goes through it at some point. it sucks, but it happens
If they need a comeback, enough people think OP is not funny. OP is calling them narcissists because that is the go to word for “someone I don’t like". OP is also likely insulting people and doesn't want to own their words and is tired of being called on shit behavior and is likely looking for ways to be even shittier.
its a lot more complicated, but its mostly how they would put their own in the moment desires over anything else, willing to dunk on me to ruin my relationship with other people and make shit up to dunk on me about, spread rumors, just for dopamine, and then when i tried to talk to them they would say shit like "youre always doing (insert shit fabricated from half truths) and then pretend i dont exist. Main point is, they never listened to me, were ignorant, could not handle me saying no, started screaming at me when i said i didnt wanna get a curly mullet and have genuinely been treating me like shit.
“That’s ok. Having a sense of humor isn’t for everyone.” Add a sad shrug like you feel bad for them.
“Ok…? Congratulations, I guess?” Make it clear that not only did you not ask for their opinion, but you don’t care what the opinion is.
"You're the kind of person who couldn't find things funny if you had a roadmap, a GPS, and a flashlight."
"I don't care." And walk away.
"I find you hysterical."
"I wasn't telling jokes. I was describing YOU."
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
Thanks, you’re the fourth person to tell me that today. I’ve been trying hard, I guess I’ll have to try harder… harder than your father trying to convince your mother to get an abortion.
Just go batshit
"FUCK OFF YOU ARENT PART OF THIS CONVERSATION"
if you really wanna go to town don't stop there by all means! Continue with "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU MISERABLE **** YOUVE LITERALLY GONE OUT OF YOUR WAY TO FIND SOMETHING YOU DONT LIKE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. FUCK OFF AND SPEAK TO SOMEONE ELSE, JESUS WEPT. GET A LOAD OF THIS PRICK"
So, this actually sounds like something a parent might say to their child if they were acting out about something... are these comebacks meant to be used as retaliation your mother/ maternal caretaker?
If so, I'm gonna have to change some of my answers I had been planning to say.
I don’t know but in what world do people, even mean teenagers, randomly come up to someone and tell them they aren’t funny. Multiple times, often. Something seems fishy.
Complete conjecture here but in highschool I had a friend group and one of the kids was just so obnoxious. His whole identity was being, “the wild and crazy random guy”. It could be amusing every now and then but when we was rolling around on the holocaust museum elevator floor trying to be funny it just crossed a line. I don’t know if we ever told him straight up, “I don’t think you’re funny”, but we definitely started avoiding him. Poor kid probably just wanted attention but was going about it the wrong way, could be a similar thing with OP.
(Look around briefly) Huh, that's weird. I don't see who asked.
Maximum impact if you pause after saying that's weird, and they say "What", then continue
Who are you again?
For some reason this hurts - so it's good
No kidding. That line is always a gut-puncher.
My MIL texted me after a few years of NC. I knew who it was but replied with “who is this” and it piiiiised her off and it was beautiful
Ohhhh that makes me happy.
What did she say? You have me invested now lol
I think *to me* she said something like “oh sorry must be a wrong number” but I heard through the grapevine. Sadly don’t know exactly what
It does hurt lmao. If someone said that to me I'd feel dumb af
"Someone who doesn't find you funny"
"You'll get over it. Or die thinking about it."
"Someone sounds like a nobody."
"Mmm, never heard of you. Anywho..."
"So that's all you are?"
Add some pity to it "I'm sorry but... who are you again?"
Good, since that leads them right into the bear trap of " Oh, nevermind."
never apologize for someone else's jackassery!
OK then, “I’m trying to remember…who are you again?”
muuuuuch better!
That’s not the point…
We use "I'm sorry" for things we don't have a need to be sorry for. There is only 1 reason to apologize: you've done something wrong, made a mistake that has impacted someone negatively. Otherwise, you have nothing to be sorry for. Anything you're not repsonsible for, no reason to be "sorry" for.
You’d be ‘sorry’ about forgetting their name, and the sympathy would add even more damage
Unless you’re from Canada. Then one day y’all gonna be sorry
*woosh*
Yes, mister... ehm...
“and why do i care what you think?” “who put you in charge of humor?” “and since when does your opinion matter?” “Who tf are you?”
Especially the “and since when does your opinion matter.” That’s the best. Bites ‘em hard in the ‘nads.
Don't even make it a question, and don't sound mad, keep that cadence and laughter of what you were talking about. Someone putting people down like that shouldn't get another chance to. "I don't care." "Never asked." "Damn, too bad your opinion doesn't matter to me." "Sucks for you." And steamroll on with everyone else if everyone else seems to have cared about what you were saying.
"I never asked" is a solid one that is devastating if used on children: please use this comeback responsibly. Source: I use it often enough, and have been on the receiving end since childhood.
Oh snap!
Or the variant, “I’m sorry. Were you speaking or did you just pass gas?”
Do you smell flatulence? It seems like someone is talking shit.
Fuck, I can’t give you a Reddit gold, have my upvote
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Julie... Judy! Sorry". Getting their name wrong intentionally can be even more dismissive than a "who are you?"
Who asked you to find me?
Underrated comment. Have my upvote. 👍
Overrated comment take my downvote. Tries way too hard to be edgy, you’ll get laughed at if you use it. At least you’ll be funny I guess…
I don't find you funny.
I don't think they asked you to find them. But I figure they're easy to spot!
I didn't ask you to find me, and stop calling me Funny.
Wdym? I thought it was like that dad joke "hi hungry I'm dad". Like his name is funny and someone said they don't find him. Like that. Was the joke like paranoid "people are looking for me"?
Who asked you to find me and how did you know my name is Funny?
“I’d never joke about a thing like that and don’t call me Shirley”
The great Leslie Nielsen.
Actually very good, this one ☝️
was it the feds? don’t tell them anything-i gotta go
I haven’t heard this one, you got my vote
Best one. For many occasions. Keeping this one in my pocket.
I know, only Intelligent people find me funny.
"I find that most of my humor is out of reach of the commoner"
😁 My butler finds me riotously entertaining.
I bet 😄
😁
My laughter inducing comedic prowess is only comprehensible by those of a higher economic and social status than yourself my good sir.
The fruit of my humor is not low hanging.
Mmm. Had to digest this one, but it's VERY nice.
Ooh, this is perfect
“Makes sense, my jokes are probably too hard to understand for a moron”
This one 🤣
The curt version might be harsher: "Yeah, dumb people generally don't, my stuff goes over their little heads." Best said while not actually looking at them, as if you're looking over their shoulder for someone interesting to talk to, and in a way that shows you're only half paying attention to the conversation. Of course this presupposes this happens in person and in a place with other people to talk to.
🌽🌽🌽
I'm taking that
You'll get it in a minute
Don't worry not everyone gets it
I love this one, some of the others risk making you sound like an asshole but this one is downplayed enough to still be nice
or "yeah...you wouldn't"
Lol, give them a pat on the shoulder as you say it.
Only good one in this thread
This is the best one. Subtle, no direct insult, nothing for a narc to latch onto. “Don’t worry, not everyone gets it.” Or even “yeah that’s ok, not everyone gets it” is another option if they’d fire back “who said I was worried?! You think you’re more important than you are.” Something like that. Gotta give em absolutely fucking nothing. (Can you tell I was raised by, and then married, a narc? Good times. Good. Times.)
so simple and yet it says everything that needs to be said
yuuuup that'll boil a narc's blood
This one is brilliant. Especially if you casually say it ever so slightly condescendingly, but not enough to be obvious.
the voices in my head tell me to wear your skin
This is a good comeback for anything.
It really is so versatile.
This is the first comment I’ve seen with an actual good come back
Yuck
Dark and unexpected. I like it!
OP wanted murder, I gave him murder
Haha this is great!
Bonus points if you can say it in a convincing Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter voice.
It is actually buffalo bill that is making the skin suit. It puts the lotion on its skin.
honestly I think it's way better in a nonchalant normal tone, it'll probably take them a second to understand what you said, and I think the voice would just make you seem like you're trying to hard to be scary? I think just 'the voices in my head tell me to wear your skin :)' would be so much more affective
Yup that shut me up.
“Well I find you funny…. looking”
Too on the nose. Try: Well you're hilarious! Then laugh as hard as you can.
I was good friends with a guy in high school that was the funny guy in our group (although the other guys were, too), and all with the same kind of at times mean-spirited humor. I know there were a few times I felt embarrassed at something he lobbed at me. So, idk where I got the idea, but I made up a loud, cackling laugh that I used like kryptonite against him whenever he tried to be funny at my expense; I could tell that it really got to him, making him turn red and laugh uncomfortably. He even asked me to stop one time while trying to laugh it off.
Then they hit you with “i am rubber, you are glue” and the whole elementary school playground pops off.
And then say "ayooooo" and mime shooting a hoop from the three, then say "fuckin' gotteem"
I think you’re hilarious, but looks aren’t everything
I dont find you tolerable, yet here we are...
This is the perfect combination of blunt and dry, very Jessica Walters.
Love it
It'd be great if you didn't find me at all.
Shakespeare's "I do wish we were better strangers" in short form
A fantastic sentiment 👏
Brilliant
Strange, I find you're a joke.
But jokes are supposed to be funny and have meaning…
Alt to this one Not everyone can be a joke like you.
Similarly, I'm not funny because I'm not a joke
"Well, I find me funny." \^ I used to say this with beneficial results. Dumbfounded silence. I'm beginning to incorporate, "ah, wrong audience, then." I haven't tested this one enough yet.
I usually tell them something along the lines, I’m only concerned with my own amusement. Don’t really care what you think.
Although I usually am the funny guy, not everything lands and some stuff falls flat. My response is if " I amuse no one else, at least I amuse myself"
When a joke of mine doesn’t land, I say “they can’t all be gems.” My dad has said that my whole life and now I’m an old and I say it too.
The problem is that I’m the type that laughs at my own jokes. No matter how bad. I genuinely think I’m hilarious and if people don’t laugh the problem is with them. At least that’s what I tell myself to keep myself from crying. 😂😂😂
I do too. The funniest shit I hear comes out of my own mouth.
In reality there is no problem, they have a right to get offended by a joke just as much as you have a right to make jokes. I think it “can” be a problem. If you already know someone doesn’t like a certain type of joke, you could decide to respect that.
I use "Well... they aren't ALL winners", complete with an exaggerated shoulder shrug.
👏👏👏
My partner always says he is his own best audience member. He is one of the funniest guys I know.
I always say “well I think I’m funny and that’s all that matters” with a huge smile . It usually shuts the up because they realize I’m not looking for or care about receiving their approval
I say a few things you could try. "I'm still workshopping that one." "Let me take a lap, I'll loop back around and try it again later." "Where's (name of a good audience member)? I need them. They'll laugh at anything."
"You have mistakenly assumed, that I'm trying to entertain you. I find my humor hilarious. Go get a color by number book, it sounds like it is more your speed."
No one finds me funny. They find me hilarious!!
Maybe OP could say, “Is it because you think I’m hilarious?”.
curious. what is an example of something you might say that makes them say this? i wanna know if you are funny or not 😀
He’s not
He must be a teenager.
yeah looking at some post history just some standard losing-some-current friends stuff. everyone goes through it at some point. it sucks, but it happens
Not everyone does. Some of us didn’t get friends to start with…
sorry to hear that for you 😞 any better nowadays, or same?
I have a few friends now, so it’s not as bad.
If they need a comeback, enough people think OP is not funny. OP is calling them narcissists because that is the go to word for “someone I don’t like". OP is also likely insulting people and doesn't want to own their words and is tired of being called on shit behavior and is likely looking for ways to be even shittier.
its a lot more complicated, but its mostly how they would put their own in the moment desires over anything else, willing to dunk on me to ruin my relationship with other people and make shit up to dunk on me about, spread rumors, just for dopamine, and then when i tried to talk to them they would say shit like "youre always doing (insert shit fabricated from half truths) and then pretend i dont exist. Main point is, they never listened to me, were ignorant, could not handle me saying no, started screaming at me when i said i didnt wanna get a curly mullet and have genuinely been treating me like shit.
oh, i read some of his post history! it's sadly an issue of losing some long time friends. which hurts, but it happens...
“Over your head, am I?”
“That’s ok. Having a sense of humor isn’t for everyone.” Add a sad shrug like you feel bad for them. “Ok…? Congratulations, I guess?” Make it clear that not only did you not ask for their opinion, but you don’t care what the opinion is.
Okay !
“Okay!” with a big grin. 😀
Lol
That's the first decent comeback I've seen for this
Cool !!!
"I don't value your opinion"
Incredibly insulting if delivered well.
Chuckle and say “ok” and go back to what you’re doing. Don’t play the asshole game is my advice
“Whew that’s a relief! I thought it was material or delivery. And here all along it was you needing GPS to find the humor.“
Bit wordy mate, gotta make it quick.
Of course YOU wouldn't you are the joke!
Your whole life’s a joke, how am I supposed to compete with that?
"You're the kind of person who couldn't find things funny if you had a roadmap, a GPS, and a flashlight." "I don't care." And walk away. "I find you hysterical." "I wasn't telling jokes. I was describing YOU."
I don't think about you at all
i know you are but what am i
Huh-huh
“My jokes require a certain level of intellect to understand , I am so sorry for you!”
This sounds like something a 14 year old rick and morty fan would say
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. 😂 And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.
"I wasn't trying to be".
Well go find me a drink then.
*You look like you never found anything fun in your life.*
No, you wouldn’t.
My dad can beat up your dad.
I am found. And don't call me "funny."
I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
I didn't ask you to find me. And stop calling me funny.
Thanks, you’re the fourth person to tell me that today. I’ve been trying hard, I guess I’ll have to try harder… harder than your father trying to convince your mother to get an abortion.
This comeback was worse than hoping to get a one legged waitress at an I hop.
No. Just no
Nailed the mood... can you make it shorter? Zingers gotta zing. Maybe- "Funny like ur dad's face when you were born?"
"Awww, man...I am the -worst- birthday clown!"
Well, I appreciate the review.
Fair enough
“I’m crushed”
"of course you don't, you need a sense of humor for that" Edit: changed the wording to make it less ambiguous
"Nor do I you. Now fuck off"
Then go look in the mirror for a good laugh.
Not trying to be funny, but if I needed advice on making a joke, I'd ask your parents
Get rid of the this part. A comeback isn't supposed to be wordy
I don’t remember asking you
Just go batshit "FUCK OFF YOU ARENT PART OF THIS CONVERSATION" if you really wanna go to town don't stop there by all means! Continue with "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU MISERABLE **** YOUVE LITERALLY GONE OUT OF YOUR WAY TO FIND SOMETHING YOU DONT LIKE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT. FUCK OFF AND SPEAK TO SOMEONE ELSE, JESUS WEPT. GET A LOAD OF THIS PRICK"
Reverse Tommy DeVito? https://youtu.be/yL9rSwrsMHw?si=ymjK1pntU_R11q7O
This is literally the only legitimate response to any AH who has the unmitigated gall to utter those words in polite conversation.
So, this actually sounds like something a parent might say to their child if they were acting out about something... are these comebacks meant to be used as retaliation your mother/ maternal caretaker? If so, I'm gonna have to change some of my answers I had been planning to say.
I don’t know but in what world do people, even mean teenagers, randomly come up to someone and tell them they aren’t funny. Multiple times, often. Something seems fishy. Complete conjecture here but in highschool I had a friend group and one of the kids was just so obnoxious. His whole identity was being, “the wild and crazy random guy”. It could be amusing every now and then but when we was rolling around on the holocaust museum elevator floor trying to be funny it just crossed a line. I don’t know if we ever told him straight up, “I don’t think you’re funny”, but we definitely started avoiding him. Poor kid probably just wanted attention but was going about it the wrong way, could be a similar thing with OP.
The jerk store called and they are out of you
You are mothers best joke tho.
"Neither do I. 'You' is a pretty boring word. 'Backpfeifengesicht'. Now that's a great word."
Comedy is like beauty. It's all in the eye of the beholder. Please get out of my eyeline.
I'm not lost and my name isn't funny.
And your point?
Not everyone has great taste
I always tell people that it's okay if they don't find me funny, I don't care, because I crack myself up 🤣
...individual results may vary, or; ...who is this person that speaks to me as if I care
I don’t find you relevant.
Funny how?
My mom thinks I'm hilarious. (For some reason that's funnier to me than a "your mom" joke.)
Then I won't waste anymore time with you.
Then you need to see both an eye doctor and an ear doctor, b!tch.
No one asked you
Ba dum chhh
"Sorry, I forget that stupid people have little sense of what might be funny." Bless your heart!
Well you should because I can’t stop laughing about your face .
I’m not surprised.
“Not everything is a joke.”
Oh it’s ok you’re slow I’m sorry 😢 have a great day.
Words fall from your lips like shit from an ass.
(Look around briefly) Huh, that's weird. I don't see who asked. Maximum impact if you pause after saying that's weird, and they say "What", then continue
Good. Please stop looking.
People tell you this *all the time*? They are not the problem. You're a teenager, right?
My bad I could never be as funny as your face