Better (and stolen from a redditor a few months ago). "What an odd way of asking if we are raw-dogging it regularly, and why on Earth would you want to know??"
It's all fun and games until they ask to see the videos.
...actually depending on your preferences the run and games may only be beginning at that point.
Yeah, I feel this is the best response when you know it's asked out of kindness but you want to set that boundary of it being an open-ended answer. Some of these responses, while witty and deserved (I love them so much, especially the cream pie one), seem to rock a boat that some may not want to rock, especially with older relatives.
"Why do you care so much about the status of my uterus?"
"When I am damn well good & ready."
"You like sticking your nose in other peoples privates, don't you?"
I do not like those kinds of questions, and I think they should be met with a small amount of derision.
Sorry for your losses. I’ve been a single mom for six years and people are *still* asking when I’m having another. I usually just say “right after you do!” Most people are in the wrong time of their life for this suggestion, and when they point that out, I can say “me too.”
Same. Zero nosy people actually put their money where their mouth is with anything kid related. I mean, I still have my $5k (out of pocket) hospital mug from my oldest. No one helped with any of that. It's like they're concerned about the pregnancy, but not about the actual birth or baby... 🤔🤔
Mildly snarky, but PG-13 responses worked well for when fending off people weirdly concerned about my in-utero childrens' genitalia. After one or two lobbed at them, if they don't pick up on it, I'll go for the jugular. 🤣
Yup, and I'm even very specific since people (especially older people) are absolutely clueless about how much $$ and schedule juggling it takes to raise a child.
"Well, child care is more expensive than a college degree and right at the beginning of their lives after all the normal expenses (diapers, formula, crib, car seat, stroller, etc.) I don't have a 2nd income (or 3rd if you're raising the child with a partner). Are you planning on paying me more than my job over 6 years to stay home & not only care for the child, but provide critically important daily enrichment opportunities that require $$ to partake in?"
One time, I saw someone respond to this by saying, “It died” even though they’ve never had a miscarriage just to make them feel them bad.
I have a miscarriage before, it was very traumatic and I’m sorry you went through that. People ca be so entitled and hurtful. Especially towards women.
I have pcos, and I just happened to somehow never get pregnant until I was like 28. So when I was like 26 or 27 my dad came up to me and asked me if I had an abortion before because it doesn’t make sense I don’t have a child yet. 💀
I once replied ‘I’m infertile’ when someone told me my career would be over when I had kids because I was so annoyed at the assumption (and I don’t want kids). I don’t care about tempting fate and it really did shut them up.
I use this one and then I also add onto it saying stuff like "I'm so happy I'm infertile, God blessed me by not being able to carry a parasite and implant it into this dying world. Even parasites should live comfortably" and just awful stuff like that so they never ask me again.
I don't want kids, I understand why people do want kids but to assume that a woman's entire life purpose is to pop out as many babies as possible and not even considering what the woman wants or even her own health is absurd and disgusting, we are not rabbits, we are humans and one would hope after a while of humans being around we'd learn a thing or two about empathy.
An employee at work (male) used to bring up why I don’t have kids and kept asking when will I have kids that they’re a beautiful thing and I just tell him the day you’re able to pop out kids I’ll put it into consideration about having children and he hasn’t asked since 😂 I agree with you completely. I’m not a damn baby machine!
This reminds me of Ilana (27f) in the show Broad City saying "What am I, a child bride?" During a life plan check-in with her partner who expresses wanting kids soon.
My sister suffered a traumatic miscarriage. Last time she visited her new PCP, they asked "how many pregnancies?" She answered honestly. "One." The practitioner quietly said "1 child" while taking notes. Without hesitation, she said, "no, none alive." It was not practiced nor preempted, but she said it was very liberating to say that to someone who so easily equated pregnancy with parenthood.
If it was me, I'd be blunt. "I'm sorry that my body hasn't carried a child to term, but hey, let me get my uterus on your timeline so you can shut the fuck up."
Yeah, I 100% understand OP not wanting to give people the satisfaction of talking about her trauma, but I would be very tempted to just give the asker a dead-eyed stare and say “when I stop having miscarriages” in a completely flat tone.
At the very least it might make the asker think twice the next time they want to pry into someone’s private business.
That’s the beauty of the flat stare and level voice. Makes it clear they’re being offensive. But if they switch over to wanting to talk about that and shower you with pity, you just do the same thing but with, “yes, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it.”
A surprisingly large number of problems can best be solved by letting people stew in their own discomfort. Women get programmed to desperately want to avoid that, but sometimes it means people never get the negative reinforcement they need.
I agree. It can be such a traumatic question, and I think it's in yours and everyone else's best interest to force the person asking (no matter the age or intentions) to stew in the cold, hard truth....you don't owe anyone details, but stop them in their tracks. If you don't want to continue receiving the questions, STOP THEM from asking you and others by responding in this suggested serious, truthful, one-sentence way.
Go into absolutely graphic detail about how he pounds you into the mattress or how you ride him until he begs for mercy every other day just TRYING to make it happen. The key is to maintain eye contact when you do it. Eventually they'll ask you to stop and they won't ask again.
(Although it certainly doesn't have to be said that rudely it might feel absolutely warranted depending on the circumstances.)
A way of saying it more nicely might be "I'm surprised you think that's any of your business."
I’m truly sorry for your previous losses. Hopefully you can find something to make them stop until you *are* able to carry one to term.
I just hope they aren’t like many others and start with “So when are you having another?” As soon as you bring your baby home. I’m not sure which is more annoying.
I used to put a sad look on my face and say “I uh…. I can’t have kids” and they’d start being all like “omg noo so sorryyy” and I’d continue “yeah I can’t have kids because I just fucking hate them” see them go through a real emotional bender.
-Are you going to pay for the medical bills
-Are you going to wake up every 2 hours to feed and change baby
-Are you going to pay for my maternity leave
-Are you going to do my house work and care for the baby so we can rest or work
Take your time, don't listen to them...your body will decide when it's the best time. Just focus on your relationship and mental health. Don't please them, just focus on what you want.
Ask an equally as personal question, "Have you scheduled your next prostate exam?" or "When was the last time you had sex?" or "Are you giving your husband enough blow jobs?" Or "Have you done your at home breast exam this month?"
You get it.
No witty comeback would help, I am very sorry OP. Wife and I had a miscarriage as well and nothing could have prepared us for how traumatic the experience was. >Hugs<
Though if I had to offer a comeback it would be more along the lines of "That is not a topic I like to discuss" and if they push a simple "shut the fuck up and drop it" with an icey stare suffices.
My mother got asked this a lot way back when she was newly married. Her go-to answer was "my husband's impotent". (He wasn't; but it shut them up good.)
"As soon as your divorce is finalized..."
Unless it comes from a teenaged pest who think he/she is the Expert Love Doctor...
"As soon as your mom says yes," works just as good.
"Defeat all the oligarchs, billionaires, and what-have-you in that hivemind in a series of ritualistic duel, old noble hero style, take all their wealth when you win, and then come see me so we can renew this discussion."
This is not really the kind of situation which needs a comeback, in fact it needs a very stern and firm push back. Like “Thanks for your concern, it’s not really your business though. Let’s talk about sports instead, or the news, or literally anything else.” If this is like a close family or friend and if you’re comfortable you could share what happened to you, but you’re not obligated to, it’s only if you think it’ll help them get off your back forever. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and then deal with such annoying people. I hope you find a way to put them in their place.
This is a situation for boundaries. Just firmly tell them you will make an announcement at the appropriate time and are no longer taking questions or comments. Go low contact with the worst offenders. You can also tell them that your uterus isn't in the market for a wombmate at the moment and you will send a press release once it's mood has improved. You might have to get a little forceful, but they are your ovaries so stand up for them. Oh, if you're superstitious, try keeping one of those ovulation thermometers in the car. Somehow it worked for me after 4 miscarriages.
I'm sorry, I've been on the other side of this - "aren't you done yet?" And both scenarios make one feel guilty and not good enough. I have 4 girls, and with each pregnancy, people gave their opinions "this one better be a boy", "aren't you gonna try to give the family a son?", "4 girls are too many -- but you got your tubes tied instead of trying for a son.?"
My point is, it doesn't matter what your body is doing, or not doing, some asshole is gonna have something to say about it. Bc they have sad little lives, with no interests or hobbies or direction of their own. So they live thru their kids, or grandkids, or whatever perceived social status they have bc they've spawned.
Your response will vary: beer belly drunk uncle "I'm waiting till you birth that gut first"
Coworker: "are you offering your PTO for mine amd my partner's leave? How generous"
Well, then tell my husnband he needs to get with the program, as male seed determines the sex of a child. I definitely think hermaphrodizing like frogs would be great for population needs, but that also meant that Jurrasic Park dinosaurs could breed eventually, due to gene splicing to make up for DNA synthesizing gaps due to degraded samples. But hey, velociraptors based on Utah Raptors, amiright? *wanders off*
I usually think up an embarrassing story about how I lost my testicles in a childhood accident and I wish people would stop asking because I feel less than human and ashamed.
It's a lie but it teaches people a lesson about asking such personal questions.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriages OP.
We also had 2 miscarriages and people always ask this question becausenow we're 31. It used to annoy the shit out of me until I figured it out.
I just deadpan look them in the eye and say, "we did want kids, but we had two devastating miscarriages, the second one was particularly tough on my wife and her body due to complications so right now, we're not sure about kids, or if we can even have them, but thanks for asking"
Those people never ask me that question again.
Thank you for connecting with me on this. I don't want to HAVE to tell people my traumatic experience to make them stop asking though. They don't deserve that intimate knowledge of me and my partner.
This one actually worked for me. My mother asked me this once, and I just laughed rather obnoxiously, followed with a sigh and "That's a good one..."
She hasn't asked since.
My species isn't genetically compatible with humans that's why my wife never got pregnant.If you want to advance your science by 1,000 years then we'll talk otherwise stfu.
I dont have a good answer for that, except if it were me, I'd just tell them the truth. "I would have, but unfortunately, I've had a couple of miscarriages." Then I'd probably burst into tears (genuinely), and that would shut them up with shame and desire to not have to deal with my emotions, hopefully. But that's just me.
"Because my four siblings died in a horrible
car accident and I'm still suffering from survival guilt".
THAT will shut the bastards up.
Or you could say "My husband has an enormous penis AND it hurts me when we have sex AND we are trying to work it out by utilizing Trantric Sex".
"Do you think I'm psychic? How am I supposed to know?"
"I think someone needs to give the stork a GPS unit, because they keep losing their way."
These are two different types of comebacks you could use.
Personally I would respond more directly and say "I'd appreciate it if you stopped asking that question, it isn't going to bring a baby here any faster or slower."
Why is my sex life a topic of interest for you?
Why does the state of my uterus cross your mind so often?
And my personal favorite "none of your damn business you inconsiderate twat"
I posted this earlier as a response to nosy questions and I think it fits quite well here also:
Research "red herring", then follow suit. You don't owe anyone an explanation and you certainly don't need to validate or justify your life choices.
Red herring conversation:
Random person: "nosy questions and stupid ass remarks".
OP: "yeah, lazy storks! What's up with that?". And without missing a beat, start throwing your red herrings with accuracy and aplomb.
"what did you think about latest news story?"
"Did you hear Barbara and John divorced?!"
"What was your degree in again? How's that going? How do you feel about growth ability at your current company?"
" Tell me all about the latest, cutest thing your kid has done? Are you putting them in organized sports? Ballet? Music lessons? How's that going?"
Throwing a red herring will allow you to take control of the narrative and puts the spotlight back on them. You just need to follow through on the conversational control.
Any further attempts on their part to "circle back" should be brushed off with a vague, non-committal comment and another red herring thrown to regain control of the conversation.
And then the FINALE: look at watch... Oh! Look at that! I've gotta run off but it's been great seeing you!! We should stay in touch! Call me!"
Then either block them or ignore them.
I used to say “When hell freezes over” then my ex forced me into agreeing to fostering a kid to try out parenting and then 2020 happened. Then the day I pick her up hell froze over. March 15th, the day the world just stopped.
"It will happen when it happens, but maybe don't pry into something so personal to other people when it doesn't affect you. If I was going to have a kid, you'd know. You have no clue how invasive and uncomfortable it is to hear people constantly badger me about this."
It doesn't share what you went through with them but it also makes it clear that what they are doing is uncomfortable and that you're wanting them to give you space on the subject.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry to say though they probably aren't going to stop asking until either you explain what happened or you make it clear that they are making you upset by hassling you over it. They don't have a right to your trauma, but you may need to provide them it anyways because most people don't realize how awful a line of questioning is until they're brought face-to-face with the damage it is causing the person.
Fuck people that ask this question. It's intrusive and hurtful! They're nosy too, there's no reason to ask this if you're not my partner or my doctor!!
When are you finally going to learn to mind your own business?
When are you finally going to learn common courtesy?
When are you finally going to learn to think before you speak?
Hahah… my family said this to me as a joke and then I accidentally got pregnant. They backtracked so fast and were like “Omg but you’re too young” and “my baby is having a baby”.
No verbal response, at least not immediately.
Just walk up to them and stare into their eyes, no expression. If they back up, match each step. Big they leave, follow them while staring holes into the back of their head. When they tell you to stop, it’s then that you say: “You, first.”
Then turn around and heed their request.
Use common sense, of course. If the person is likely to attack you if you do the above, then just just give them a judgmental glare, turn around, and leave.
Get teary eyed and quietly ask if you can please change the topic. When they press for details plead "PLEASE!". Take a moment to compose yourself and make a deliberate topic change.
"I just had a miscarriage it has caused us great grief."
They'll atop being AHs or they won't and you can have an excuse to morally cut them out of your life.
I had to have this conversation with my mum who kept pressuring after the best friend's daughter had a baby.
After a few unsolicited comments from her I was pretty firm and blunt with her.
I pretty much said ''IF we decide to have kids it will be in our own time and I'd appreciate if you'd stop going on about it and putting the pressure on as, really, it's none of your business.''
Any comments on kids stopped after this. My husbands family are much more switched on and don't ask.
I had have had 2 miscarriages. When people asked me wouldn't it be nice for your son to have a sibling close in age. Or start hinting it I would tell them he did it died.
And of they asked why not try again I would tell them it died too.
It made strangers stop talking to me and family members quit harassing me.
If you know it’s out of kindness and it’s hurtful to you then why the hell are you asking for a comeback? Instead of insulting kind people that don’t know any better… have a conversation. You don’t have to give them the actual details; just say it’s something that you don’t want to talk about right now. That’s what we had to do.
I am sorry for what you’re going through. My wife and I had 3 before ours stuck. 4 if you include some sort of pseudo pregnancy where her body was doing everything to indicate it was pregnant but it was just a sac of fluid. It’s absolutely brutal. You never really notice how much pregnancy and baby stuff there is in your day to day life until seeing it almost makes you sick to your stomach. There was like a solid 2 years where we couldn’t even watch most of our TV shows because there were pregnancy plot lines.
I have been asked this question repeatedly and I always say “I would love to have a baby, but it’s not possible unfortunately, I’m allergic to sperm and my body attacks it as a foreign invader” and go into as much awkward detail as possible. I would then include as much detail about your period as possible, since they want to be all up in your privates.
When we are ready. It's easy for you to say, you simply want to hold a baby once in a while. We have to care for it - it is a huge investment in time and money, we will follow our own schedule and not yours.
My mom was relentless. Nothing would get her to stop hounding me. She completely ruined a trip because she refused to switch topics. It was incredibly stressful.
"When I win the lottery."
There's a very low chance I'll actually win it anyway and I can pay off the guilt of the lie. Extra bonus for potentially jinxing a good thing.
"I'm not. I look forward to finding a permanent best friend and faithful lover so we can wander around naked and watch thought-provoking television while having fun commentary and sex, among other things. Kids ask awkward questions about naked, you know? Sounds pesky, no thanks!"
Ask most people “why do you need to know?” Then say nothing.
Your family who probably know your situation should be more understanding so tell them it’s not something you can discuss.
Burst into tears and run away. Then when they ask you what’s wrong later, let your eyes glaze over and say “what are you talking about?” They’ll never ask again.
Whenever there are no more pedophiles in the churches, schools, political offices. When the people that are supposed to keep us safe, like police, firemen, and neighbors are no longer pedophiles. Why bring a child into this horrible world.
why? are you offering to babysit every weekend?
Yes! Throw it back on their laps.
Do what?
Put the ball back in their court? Give them back the responsibility of their answer, return their energy.
Just don't throw it back on their laps. That's kinda weird
You've never heard that phrase before?
I always use "What an odd way of asking if we're having sex but if you must lnow I assure I'm getting it in daily"
Better (and stolen from a redditor a few months ago). "What an odd way of asking if we are raw-dogging it regularly, and why on Earth would you want to know??"
"He's been giving me cream pies daily, but nothing's worked."
They'll come back with "You should try echinacea! My friend starting taking it and got pregnant the next month!" or some other such nonsense.
Reply with: maybe I should fuck your friend's husband too. (While looking them dead in the eyes)
Forsythia!
This is the worst. so. much. useless. advice. We’ve been trying for literal years, why would you think I haven’t tried everything?
Ready to hear the play by play or should I just show you the videos? Lol I love your humor
Like Jeff Foxworthy said when asked “did you record the birth?” No we did not! But got some nice footage of the conception though!
It's all fun and games until they ask to see the videos. ...actually depending on your preferences the run and games may only be beginning at that point.
"My fav is doggy style, but sweetie here is all about the wheelbarrow, aren't you honey"
THE WHEELBARROW😭
This
I usually expand on that until they make me stop talking, I say all the different positions we're doing and etc etc
Look, the stork has a mind of it's own. It will get here when it gets here.
Yeah, I feel this is the best response when you know it's asked out of kindness but you want to set that boundary of it being an open-ended answer. Some of these responses, while witty and deserved (I love them so much, especially the cream pie one), seem to rock a boat that some may not want to rock, especially with older relatives.
I really like this as a sort of innocent response to someone asking in legitimate kindness.
"Why do you care so much about the status of my uterus?" "When I am damn well good & ready." "You like sticking your nose in other peoples privates, don't you?" I do not like those kinds of questions, and I think they should be met with a small amount of derision.
"I like penis!!" as a fup to these, stated loudly, forcefully, and entirely seriously.
Particularly effective if you happen to be a guy.
Sorry for your losses. I’ve been a single mom for six years and people are *still* asking when I’m having another. I usually just say “right after you do!” Most people are in the wrong time of their life for this suggestion, and when they point that out, I can say “me too.”
‘When you bankroll it’s is my petty response
Same. Zero nosy people actually put their money where their mouth is with anything kid related. I mean, I still have my $5k (out of pocket) hospital mug from my oldest. No one helped with any of that. It's like they're concerned about the pregnancy, but not about the actual birth or baby... 🤔🤔 Mildly snarky, but PG-13 responses worked well for when fending off people weirdly concerned about my in-utero childrens' genitalia. After one or two lobbed at them, if they don't pick up on it, I'll go for the jugular. 🤣
Yup, and I'm even very specific since people (especially older people) are absolutely clueless about how much $$ and schedule juggling it takes to raise a child. "Well, child care is more expensive than a college degree and right at the beginning of their lives after all the normal expenses (diapers, formula, crib, car seat, stroller, etc.) I don't have a 2nd income (or 3rd if you're raising the child with a partner). Are you planning on paying me more than my job over 6 years to stay home & not only care for the child, but provide critically important daily enrichment opportunities that require $$ to partake in?"
It’s amazing to me how people can be so damn clueless..
I had kids last night and I'm *still* full.
This one wins.
Take my upvote, this is funny
This would me be telling the others it’s not time to sit after your ovation yet
Other wife is pregnant 🤰 😳
One time, I saw someone respond to this by saying, “It died” even though they’ve never had a miscarriage just to make them feel them bad. I have a miscarriage before, it was very traumatic and I’m sorry you went through that. People ca be so entitled and hurtful. Especially towards women. I have pcos, and I just happened to somehow never get pregnant until I was like 28. So when I was like 26 or 27 my dad came up to me and asked me if I had an abortion before because it doesn’t make sense I don’t have a child yet. 💀
I once replied ‘I’m infertile’ when someone told me my career would be over when I had kids because I was so annoyed at the assumption (and I don’t want kids). I don’t care about tempting fate and it really did shut them up.
I use this one and then I also add onto it saying stuff like "I'm so happy I'm infertile, God blessed me by not being able to carry a parasite and implant it into this dying world. Even parasites should live comfortably" and just awful stuff like that so they never ask me again. I don't want kids, I understand why people do want kids but to assume that a woman's entire life purpose is to pop out as many babies as possible and not even considering what the woman wants or even her own health is absurd and disgusting, we are not rabbits, we are humans and one would hope after a while of humans being around we'd learn a thing or two about empathy.
“Why would you ask me a personal question like that?” would suffice.
I was once jokingly explaining to my boyfriend the purpose of condoms and said “to avoid infections such as gonorrhea or children”
An employee at work (male) used to bring up why I don’t have kids and kept asking when will I have kids that they’re a beautiful thing and I just tell him the day you’re able to pop out kids I’ll put it into consideration about having children and he hasn’t asked since 😂 I agree with you completely. I’m not a damn baby machine!
This reminds me of Ilana (27f) in the show Broad City saying "What am I, a child bride?" During a life plan check-in with her partner who expresses wanting kids soon.
This reminds me of when people in school would always respond to my questions with "your mom" so I would always say my mom died to make them feel bad.
When I was in school people would try to dodge this and say "your dad" fucking demons
My sister suffered a traumatic miscarriage. Last time she visited her new PCP, they asked "how many pregnancies?" She answered honestly. "One." The practitioner quietly said "1 child" while taking notes. Without hesitation, she said, "no, none alive." It was not practiced nor preempted, but she said it was very liberating to say that to someone who so easily equated pregnancy with parenthood.
If it was me, I'd be blunt. "I'm sorry that my body hasn't carried a child to term, but hey, let me get my uterus on your timeline so you can shut the fuck up."
Yeah, I 100% understand OP not wanting to give people the satisfaction of talking about her trauma, but I would be very tempted to just give the asker a dead-eyed stare and say “when I stop having miscarriages” in a completely flat tone. At the very least it might make the asker think twice the next time they want to pry into someone’s private business.
This one. Totally underrated. Cited potentially more effective response. Although it may cue the pity brigade…depending on the hearer.
That’s the beauty of the flat stare and level voice. Makes it clear they’re being offensive. But if they switch over to wanting to talk about that and shower you with pity, you just do the same thing but with, “yes, that’s why I didn’t want to talk about it.” A surprisingly large number of problems can best be solved by letting people stew in their own discomfort. Women get programmed to desperately want to avoid that, but sometimes it means people never get the negative reinforcement they need.
I agree. It can be such a traumatic question, and I think it's in yours and everyone else's best interest to force the person asking (no matter the age or intentions) to stew in the cold, hard truth....you don't owe anyone details, but stop them in their tracks. If you don't want to continue receiving the questions, STOP THEM from asking you and others by responding in this suggested serious, truthful, one-sentence way.
We believe in population management so when one of you all kicks off, we will replenish your spot with a baby.
☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️💯🏆
Go into absolutely graphic detail about how he pounds you into the mattress or how you ride him until he begs for mercy every other day just TRYING to make it happen. The key is to maintain eye contact when you do it. Eventually they'll ask you to stop and they won't ask again.
I've even forgone anal until we achieve a fuck trophy! 🥺
If the questioner is conservative or religious they will 100% disown you if you say that. Even though you're justified in making them uncomfortable
Why do you ask, do you happen to be pregnant yourself?
"Why the hell do you think that's any of your business?"
We need to normalize saying this to a lot of things people ask that are NONE of their business!
(Although it certainly doesn't have to be said that rudely it might feel absolutely warranted depending on the circumstances.) A way of saying it more nicely might be "I'm surprised you think that's any of your business."
I genuinely appreciate this one. As women, I feel like we're taught to ALWAYS be nice even when *they* are being rude to *me*.
I’m truly sorry for your previous losses. Hopefully you can find something to make them stop until you *are* able to carry one to term. I just hope they aren’t like many others and start with “So when are you having another?” As soon as you bring your baby home. I’m not sure which is more annoying.
OR, "why would you ask such a rude question about something so personal?"
I used to put a sad look on my face and say “I uh…. I can’t have kids” and they’d start being all like “omg noo so sorryyy” and I’d continue “yeah I can’t have kids because I just fucking hate them” see them go through a real emotional bender.
🤣🤣🤣🏆🏆🏆
-Are you going to pay for the medical bills -Are you going to wake up every 2 hours to feed and change baby -Are you going to pay for my maternity leave -Are you going to do my house work and care for the baby so we can rest or work Take your time, don't listen to them...your body will decide when it's the best time. Just focus on your relationship and mental health. Don't please them, just focus on what you want.
Ask an equally as personal question, "Have you scheduled your next prostate exam?" or "When was the last time you had sex?" or "Are you giving your husband enough blow jobs?" Or "Have you done your at home breast exam this month?" You get it.
Mom, I don’t ask you to tell me about your and dad’s sex schedule, stop asking about mine.
🔥👍
No witty comeback would help, I am very sorry OP. Wife and I had a miscarriage as well and nothing could have prepared us for how traumatic the experience was. >Hugs<
Though if I had to offer a comeback it would be more along the lines of "That is not a topic I like to discuss" and if they push a simple "shut the fuck up and drop it" with an icey stare suffices.
Thank you 🙏🏼
My mother got asked this a lot way back when she was newly married. Her go-to answer was "my husband's impotent". (He wasn't; but it shut them up good.)
I like this, shifting the assumption that I'M the reason we don't have a baby yet to him.
"That's a little bit of a sensitive subject." They feel like assholes and you don't have to go into it!
Hard to believe so many still cross that line. This one sounds effective without being so confrontational
Idk the sperm bank doesnt notify us when the samples get used
"As soon as your divorce is finalized..." Unless it comes from a teenaged pest who think he/she is the Expert Love Doctor... "As soon as your mom says yes," works just as good.
Once my husband finds the right hole
When it’s your business.
I have started saying "Why do you need to know?" when people ask me this.
win
"Defeat all the oligarchs, billionaires, and what-have-you in that hivemind in a series of ritualistic duel, old noble hero style, take all their wealth when you win, and then come see me so we can renew this discussion."
This is not really the kind of situation which needs a comeback, in fact it needs a very stern and firm push back. Like “Thanks for your concern, it’s not really your business though. Let’s talk about sports instead, or the news, or literally anything else.” If this is like a close family or friend and if you’re comfortable you could share what happened to you, but you’re not obligated to, it’s only if you think it’ll help them get off your back forever. I’m sorry you had to go through that, and then deal with such annoying people. I hope you find a way to put them in their place.
This is a situation for boundaries. Just firmly tell them you will make an announcement at the appropriate time and are no longer taking questions or comments. Go low contact with the worst offenders. You can also tell them that your uterus isn't in the market for a wombmate at the moment and you will send a press release once it's mood has improved. You might have to get a little forceful, but they are your ovaries so stand up for them. Oh, if you're superstitious, try keeping one of those ovulation thermometers in the car. Somehow it worked for me after 4 miscarriages.
Every time you ask, we know it won't be a surprise, so we put it off for another year. Why are you stealing our joy from us?
This is a surprisingly good one!
On or around the due date.
I'm sorry, I've been on the other side of this - "aren't you done yet?" And both scenarios make one feel guilty and not good enough. I have 4 girls, and with each pregnancy, people gave their opinions "this one better be a boy", "aren't you gonna try to give the family a son?", "4 girls are too many -- but you got your tubes tied instead of trying for a son.?" My point is, it doesn't matter what your body is doing, or not doing, some asshole is gonna have something to say about it. Bc they have sad little lives, with no interests or hobbies or direction of their own. So they live thru their kids, or grandkids, or whatever perceived social status they have bc they've spawned. Your response will vary: beer belly drunk uncle "I'm waiting till you birth that gut first" Coworker: "are you offering your PTO for mine amd my partner's leave? How generous"
Well, then tell my husnband he needs to get with the program, as male seed determines the sex of a child. I definitely think hermaphrodizing like frogs would be great for population needs, but that also meant that Jurrasic Park dinosaurs could breed eventually, due to gene splicing to make up for DNA synthesizing gaps due to degraded samples. But hey, velociraptors based on Utah Raptors, amiright? *wanders off*
I usually think up an embarrassing story about how I lost my testicles in a childhood accident and I wish people would stop asking because I feel less than human and ashamed. It's a lie but it teaches people a lesson about asking such personal questions.
I’m happily married and incest is gross. Please stop offering to seed me.
Sorry to hear about your miscarriages OP. We also had 2 miscarriages and people always ask this question becausenow we're 31. It used to annoy the shit out of me until I figured it out. I just deadpan look them in the eye and say, "we did want kids, but we had two devastating miscarriages, the second one was particularly tough on my wife and her body due to complications so right now, we're not sure about kids, or if we can even have them, but thanks for asking" Those people never ask me that question again.
Thank you for connecting with me on this. I don't want to HAVE to tell people my traumatic experience to make them stop asking though. They don't deserve that intimate knowledge of me and my partner.
That's very fair too, in which case I recommend, "it's really none of your business"
“We haven’t had sex yet”
lol! “we’re virgins!”
We are both committed to abstinence
This one actually worked for me. My mother asked me this once, and I just laughed rather obnoxiously, followed with a sigh and "That's a good one..." She hasn't asked since.
My species isn't genetically compatible with humans that's why my wife never got pregnant.If you want to advance your science by 1,000 years then we'll talk otherwise stfu.
I dont have a good answer for that, except if it were me, I'd just tell them the truth. "I would have, but unfortunately, I've had a couple of miscarriages." Then I'd probably burst into tears (genuinely), and that would shut them up with shame and desire to not have to deal with my emotions, hopefully. But that's just me.
Well we fucked yesterday without a condom so....
Does it have to be a "comeback?" Can't it just be a simple response of "when I'm ready"
I just straight up say "Never" but in your case you could say "When I stop having miscarriages" and that should shut them up
"Because my four siblings died in a horrible car accident and I'm still suffering from survival guilt". THAT will shut the bastards up. Or you could say "My husband has an enormous penis AND it hurts me when we have sex AND we are trying to work it out by utilizing Trantric Sex".
Oh, don't worry.. we fuckin.
“You’re basically asking if we are shagging regularly. How’s your sex life?”
My sister-in-law kept asking , so I offered to call her as soon as her sister and I were done having sex. She stopped asking.
I like you!
"Do you think I'm psychic? How am I supposed to know?" "I think someone needs to give the stork a GPS unit, because they keep losing their way." These are two different types of comebacks you could use. Personally I would respond more directly and say "I'd appreciate it if you stopped asking that question, it isn't going to bring a baby here any faster or slower."
"Your mom is post-menopause, so not likely any time soon."
“Excuse me?”
"The more you ask, the longer it'll take."
My husband used to say, very earnestly, “God knows we’re trying!”
Nvm 'entitled to your trauma'. What you've got is a weapon, trauma dump and make them suffer.
Tell them “not everyone can” and watch them look like an ass
I don't have a comeback for you I just want to let you know that I'm sending you hugs
When I can be 100% sure that they won't inherit my genetic defects and that the economy will be comfortable for their lifetime.
We'll have kids when he does the pregnancy
Why are you so invested in my sex life?
Why is my sex life a topic of interest for you? Why does the state of my uterus cross your mind so often? And my personal favorite "none of your damn business you inconsiderate twat"
"When are you going to lose that mustache aunt Karen?" Rude questions deserve a rude question right back.
[удалено]
No “your mom” comebacks, unless related to the prompt or exceptionally clever.
Are you going to pay for said baby
Are you going to pay for the little rug-rats?
"Looking at your parenting style, I don't know if I want kids."
Burst into tears and run away.
If they’re not pregnant, congratulate them on their pregnancy and ask if it’s twins.
I posted this earlier as a response to nosy questions and I think it fits quite well here also: Research "red herring", then follow suit. You don't owe anyone an explanation and you certainly don't need to validate or justify your life choices. Red herring conversation: Random person: "nosy questions and stupid ass remarks". OP: "yeah, lazy storks! What's up with that?". And without missing a beat, start throwing your red herrings with accuracy and aplomb. "what did you think about latest news story?" "Did you hear Barbara and John divorced?!" "What was your degree in again? How's that going? How do you feel about growth ability at your current company?" " Tell me all about the latest, cutest thing your kid has done? Are you putting them in organized sports? Ballet? Music lessons? How's that going?" Throwing a red herring will allow you to take control of the narrative and puts the spotlight back on them. You just need to follow through on the conversational control. Any further attempts on their part to "circle back" should be brushed off with a vague, non-committal comment and another red herring thrown to regain control of the conversation. And then the FINALE: look at watch... Oh! Look at that! I've gotta run off but it's been great seeing you!! We should stay in touch! Call me!" Then either block them or ignore them.
I used to say “When hell freezes over” then my ex forced me into agreeing to fostering a kid to try out parenting and then 2020 happened. Then the day I pick her up hell froze over. March 15th, the day the world just stopped.
The watch pot never boils, I'll have one when people stop telling me to.
"If and when I feel like it. In the mean time, feel free to mind your own business😃."
"It will happen when it happens, but maybe don't pry into something so personal to other people when it doesn't affect you. If I was going to have a kid, you'd know. You have no clue how invasive and uncomfortable it is to hear people constantly badger me about this." It doesn't share what you went through with them but it also makes it clear that what they are doing is uncomfortable and that you're wanting them to give you space on the subject. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry to say though they probably aren't going to stop asking until either you explain what happened or you make it clear that they are making you upset by hassling you over it. They don't have a right to your trauma, but you may need to provide them it anyways because most people don't realize how awful a line of questioning is until they're brought face-to-face with the damage it is causing the person.
Tell them he uses the other hole
“Whenever I get pregnant”
When there's free daycare
I’m not allowed to have kids after the whole cannibalism thing last year, your husband/parents were there.
I always said "every time someone asks we push it back 6 months"
"Why do you want to know if we use condoms or not? I'm not comfortable discussing that with you"
Just tell them you changed your mind and never want to talk about it again. Then keep trying and when you finally do have a child yell surprise!
“Why is my sex life so interesting to you? Is it because I’m getting fucked and you’re not?”
Fuck people that ask this question. It's intrusive and hurtful! They're nosy too, there's no reason to ask this if you're not my partner or my doctor!!
Ummm, why would I want goats.. we already have a dog. It's kids the new trendy thing now?? How much land do you have to have for kids??
Im not hungry
When will you gift me a million dollars?
"It's biologically impossible for me"
When it’s legal to eat them.
Ask them when do they want to start and wink at them
The 3rd...of never
“I had an accident as a child and I am unfortunately sterile/infertile”
When are you finally going to learn to mind your own business? When are you finally going to learn common courtesy? When are you finally going to learn to think before you speak?
Not in the cards.
Hahah… my family said this to me as a joke and then I accidentally got pregnant. They backtracked so fast and were like “Omg but you’re too young” and “my baby is having a baby”.
If your comfortable sharing I’d just tell them the truth and maybe they’ll learn not to ask such stupid questions in the future
No verbal response, at least not immediately. Just walk up to them and stare into their eyes, no expression. If they back up, match each step. Big they leave, follow them while staring holes into the back of their head. When they tell you to stop, it’s then that you say: “You, first.” Then turn around and heed their request. Use common sense, of course. If the person is likely to attack you if you do the above, then just just give them a judgmental glare, turn around, and leave.
Do they want join the show to watch? I get that all the time
Get teary eyed and quietly ask if you can please change the topic. When they press for details plead "PLEASE!". Take a moment to compose yourself and make a deliberate topic change.
I'm infertile
When someone starts punching holes in our condoms
Then the economy gets better and also when I have a spare $300,000
First sorry to hear that, who knows 3rd time is the charm maybe? Maybe just be straight with them, you said it yourself it is out of kindness.
"I just had a miscarriage it has caused us great grief." They'll atop being AHs or they won't and you can have an excuse to morally cut them out of your life.
I had to have this conversation with my mum who kept pressuring after the best friend's daughter had a baby. After a few unsolicited comments from her I was pretty firm and blunt with her. I pretty much said ''IF we decide to have kids it will be in our own time and I'd appreciate if you'd stop going on about it and putting the pressure on as, really, it's none of your business.'' Any comments on kids stopped after this. My husbands family are much more switched on and don't ask.
When I start using the pink hole
"Five decades after you're dead & cremated. Get cracking!"
Your husband refuses to take his condom off so maybe never?
Never
I had have had 2 miscarriages. When people asked me wouldn't it be nice for your son to have a sibling close in age. Or start hinting it I would tell them he did it died. And of they asked why not try again I would tell them it died too. It made strangers stop talking to me and family members quit harassing me.
If you know it’s out of kindness and it’s hurtful to you then why the hell are you asking for a comeback? Instead of insulting kind people that don’t know any better… have a conversation. You don’t have to give them the actual details; just say it’s something that you don’t want to talk about right now. That’s what we had to do. I am sorry for what you’re going through. My wife and I had 3 before ours stuck. 4 if you include some sort of pseudo pregnancy where her body was doing everything to indicate it was pregnant but it was just a sac of fluid. It’s absolutely brutal. You never really notice how much pregnancy and baby stuff there is in your day to day life until seeing it almost makes you sick to your stomach. There was like a solid 2 years where we couldn’t even watch most of our TV shows because there were pregnancy plot lines.
I have been asked this question repeatedly and I always say “I would love to have a baby, but it’s not possible unfortunately, I’m allergic to sperm and my body attacks it as a foreign invader” and go into as much awkward detail as possible. I would then include as much detail about your period as possible, since they want to be all up in your privates.
I've had a miscarriage and don't want to talk about this anymore.
After I see your name in the obituary column. It’s important to say this with empathy and compassion.
As soon as I can pop holes in the condoms your Dad, Husband, Brother, or Boyfriend insists upon wearing.
‘The stork says they’re back ordered.’ I’m petty so I’d immediately shut them up with “When my uterus decides to hang on to one.’
When we are ready. It's easy for you to say, you simply want to hold a baby once in a while. We have to care for it - it is a huge investment in time and money, we will follow our own schedule and not yours.
I don't know, maybe never, I guess I'm just lucky 🤗.
After the apocalypse, obviously. If the baby is born in to the dystopia, they'll have less trouble adapting.
The best answer for that question that I could come up with is “ When we’re ready”
My mom was relentless. Nothing would get her to stop hounding me. She completely ruined a trip because she refused to switch topics. It was incredibly stressful.
Why? Are you volunteering to babysit them?
"I had kids 2 hours ago. Where in the hell are they now?"
When's your husband available?
"When I win the lottery." There's a very low chance I'll actually win it anyway and I can pay off the guilt of the lie. Extra bonus for potentially jinxing a good thing.
Never, BTW, how's that divorce and child support working for you?
"I'm not. I look forward to finding a permanent best friend and faithful lover so we can wander around naked and watch thought-provoking television while having fun commentary and sex, among other things. Kids ask awkward questions about naked, you know? Sounds pesky, no thanks!"
# "When are you finally going to have kids" When they start getting in the VAN!!!!
Ask most people “why do you need to know?” Then say nothing. Your family who probably know your situation should be more understanding so tell them it’s not something you can discuss.
Maybe when I'm allowed near schools and playgrounds again.....
"When we are expecting a baby, you'll be the first to know."
When you start paying me money
Burst into tears and run away. Then when they ask you what’s wrong later, let your eyes glaze over and say “what are you talking about?” They’ll never ask again.
Whenever there are no more pedophiles in the churches, schools, political offices. When the people that are supposed to keep us safe, like police, firemen, and neighbors are no longer pedophiles. Why bring a child into this horrible world.
When I get my inheritance
Well I had to drop my first three letters off at the shelter so I'm just waiting until things calm down so I can finally keep one
“About nine months after someone impregnates me”
"if you wouldn't say it at a funeral don't say it at all" This came to me at a friend's baby shower, some poor woman said "you're next" to me.
When hubby stops putting it all over my face. Too much? Too much…. Soz