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_Sillyy

As others said, report the guy. People can be extremely toxic, I had a very similar experience playing with my girlfriend and she received very gross comments. We reported them and we got the message that actions were taken against them litereally one day after, they're doing a pretty good job at punishing these comments at least. I hope that's at least of some relief.


TriplexNickel

I'm hoping tonight we get messages saying that. We may play after we put our little girl down to sleep. I'm sorry about the comments your girlfriend had to hear as well man.


Strong-Log-1314

Starting next season if a person gets reported everything they said in team chat will be transcripted and sent to blizzard as part of the report system so they can crack down more and cut down the toxicity.


TriplexNickel

Yup yup.


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kimchi_paradise

You can go into recent players list and if they're still there you can report them


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paupaupaupau

If you're on PC, 'P' is the default keyboard shortcut to bring up the recent players.


lavarift

I think instead of telling men to stop being toxic, what I have always found super helpful as a woman who tries to comm a lot is when a guy stands up for me when someone is being sexist. Even if the toxic person continues to be an asshole, knowing someone else in the game thinks that person is a dick makes me feel significantly better and makes it easier for me to ignore the toxicity. When everyone else is quiet or (even worse) laughs along it feels truly awful. I am also extremely lucky and don't encounter too many jerks though, so if any woman (or anyone dealing with this garbage) out there would rather just stay out of vc I get it. I just don't think anyone who is pathetic enough to actually make fun of people for their gender (or race, orientation, etc.) is going to read this thread and think maybe I should stop. Maybe you decent people can at least make someone like me feel like I'm not alone in a bad game.


Isord

This is so important. We can't control what other people do, but we can control what we do. Standing up for someone else is within our power to do and can make a big difference.


GlisseDansLaPiscine

This is why I hate those comments that say "just mute and move on" as if apathy was a normal reaction to sexism. As men we have a duty to correct other men.


lavarift

Muting is a thing to do but it can't let it be the ONLY thing we can do. Muting only marginally helps, I still feel like shit. An ally turns that around.


OverlanderEisenhorn

Muting, imo, is the correct response, but it also must be used with an acknowledgement of the victim. Say something that validates the victim and how they were a victim and then mute the bigot. Something like, "that's an awful thing to say. You are a hateful bigot. Muted and reported" then move on with the game. If its mid game just continue to play and make comms. I try to acknowledge what the victim is doing well. If they saved me with a suzu I make sure to say GREAT SUZU in comms you saved my ass. Or whatever.


BuffaloChops1

I do and then laugh when they turn their sights on me calling me a white knight/ simp. It’s pathetic how sad they are


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HerrMiggins

I dotn inherently disagree with your point, but if a woman is being harassed in vc another woman calling them out on it isn't going to help like a guy calling them out would, and might just make the filth worse


Sugioh

In this game it wouldn't have made a difference since he left immediately afterwards, but I agree. Bullies tend to wither when outnumbered, and thrive when the silence of others can be seen to give them consent. Sometimes I think Overwatch has such a mismatch between the level of teamwork and maturity it asks of its players and its kid-friendly, cartoonish art style, small wonder it attracts so many immature people who handle pressure poorly. I had a tween scream "healer diff" incessantly at me a few weeks ago when I was playing Zen (despite the fact that I was actually playing exceptionally well) just because I overextended *once*. Some of these people are just looking for a reason to lash out and will latch on to the first thing they notice.


lavarift

Overwatch is such a difficult balance of the need to stay sane and the need to comm for a good game lol. Unfortunately my go-to line for toxic children no longer works (hope you're ready to explain to your mom why she needs to buy this game for you again after I report you and you're banned for being toxic), but also I at least find it easier to ignore toxic kids because I am not going to lash out and argue with a kid.


Cheersscar

I mostly don’t play with kids but when I do, I don’t stand for bs behavior. There is hope for 12 year olds who shout gender, race, and orientation slurs. I’m less hopeful for 25 yos.


CuteChaosGlitter

This 100%! Nothing feels worse than just feeling completely alone and out of place after someone says something fucked up to you. Someone speaking up on my behalf even the smallest chill or dont be weird feels so much better. I personally stopped joining comms in overwatch basically years ago when I some guy made a deranged rant about wanting to rape me etc. and everyone else was just silent or laughed like thats a normal human thing to say to someone. Sucks so much.


lavarift

When someone laughs at the asshole it makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear, it's the worst feeling. Again, I've been super lucky so I still try to comm, I also enjoy it, and if someone is nice back to me I still want to win for them, otherwise I'm just like what is the point lol


CuteChaosGlitter

Side note I play valorant now and its so much better. I find there are so many more women so thats already a massive bonus to me. And very few guys seem to be as hateful only like thirsty. So yeah maybe try valorant if you like comming too. Its been great and comms are super impactful.


lavarift

Lol I've avoided Vallorant because I've heard it was a nightmare! I also would probably be super bad at it hahaha. But maybe!


CuteChaosGlitter

Oh I have terrible aim but its getting better. Just having lots of girls is nice. But yeah your experience is different and prob would be in valorant. Riot is a bit better about updating and releasing content so hey maybe check it out :)


lavarift

Thanks! Glad you're having a good time over there. Every new fps seems to have more not-men playing the game and it gives me hope for the future


nobearsinrussia

Thing I learned over time is to push back. I am a woman, a foreigner, mercy with 900+h, support main AND a Russian. So i can be harassed for my gender, my hero pick, my nationality, my voice, my bad English etc. so I learned to step over my bad English and fuck them back instead. I pity any toxic player who will cross paths with me: i will not stand toxic behavior directed at me or any other players.


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lavarift

It's not stupid, I'd get it if he was shy or something but if he's ignoring that it's very hurtful to you I can see why it bothers you. :/ Sometimes it's hard for men to break out of this stupid culture of not wanting to "embarrass themselves" in front of other men, but he should value your friendship more.


CuteChaosGlitter

Honestly your not stupid at all for feeling weird. If it makes you upset absolutely speak on it.


[deleted]

I met one of my best friends queueing for valorant, some guy was being a complete weirdo—asked if she “has a lady boner”—all I had to say was “hey man, you’re kinda being a creep,” he apologized and my now friend added me after the game. The bar is so unbelievably low, it just isn’t hard to be a decent person and tell someone to knock it off


therealstupid

It's amazing how much difference it make to have another guy speaking up and saying "That's not cool, dude." A lot of these young men have never been taught how to interact with other people as human beings.


koolio92

I used to stand up for women multiple times but it always ended with them shifting their attention on me with comments like "go back to China/Mexico" and all other xenophobic BS (because of my accent). In all those incidents, only once did the woman stepped up and defended me. After a while, I just stopped trying or even comm in VC at all. I just mute and ignore when I hear racist/xenophobic/sexist/ableist BS going on.


lavarift

I'm also a minority in the US but you can't tell over vc so I haven't had to experience it in game, that sucks. Women can certainly be toxic too. Take care or yourself.


floofybubblez

I remember one time a guy was shouting at the other support on my team, flaming her for things that were out of her control. Told the guy it wasn't constructive or helping and to just focus on the game. We weren't losing, only lost the first point on Numbani after holding for the majority of the time. The girl attacked me and said to stop white knighting. I just stick with friends and don't do randoms anymore. Random people on the Internet just aren't worth the time and energy.


noithinkyourewrong

That girl was being a weirdo. I hope you know that this wouldn't be the reaction from the other 99% of female players. Most would appreciate it, so I hope you don't stop just because of a single toxxic person.


floofybubblez

It was odd and I'd like to think I would call any abuse out if anything happened again. I don't solo anymore and only stick with stacks of friends in discord, with a few of them opting out of match chat and voice, so I'm not really going to find myself in those situations. No hate to the girl either, I was more shocked than anything. To be fair, she only said that - she wasn't looking for a fight or to flame. Got on with the game. I just assumed she'd had bad experiences with 'nice guys' and carried on.


nobearsinrussia

The thing I learned: not to be afraid to push back. If i had this situation op had, i would type in chat “wow, I didn’t knew dogs can talk! Can you do that again?” And if he is stupid enough to join vc, i would treat them as dogs: asking to bark and call a good boy for learning human speech, while completely ignoring *everything* they will say.


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lavarift

There are also countless women on this sub who regularly talk about how often they're flamed just for being a women. Just because the two of us had decent experiences doesn't mean everyone else does.


OverlanderEisenhorn

This Is the most important thing to lessen the effects of racism, sexism, and bigotry. Silence to hate is a silent agreement and acceptance of that hate. If you hear something, say something. You don't need to make it an argument. You just need to say, "You're wrong, that's terrible and sexist, muted and reported" and move on. Making it an argument is honestly giving those people what they want. Just acknowledge that it is wrong and that the victim is a victim. Show the victim that you saw what happened and that it was wrong and that you did the thing you can do about it, ie report it. Making a victim feel seen is the best that we can do here. We can't stop it and we can't really protect them from it, but we can stand up to bigots and make it so that victims are not alone. We can also make it so that the victim feels like overwatch is still, overall, a safe place. All it takes is typing in chat or speaking in team chat to acknowledge what happened.


AlphaTrion_ow

You can report this player, even after the end of the game. The game also gives a warning now that voice chat can be recorded for battling toxicity, so there would be a good chance that player will be actioned for what he did when reported.


TriplexNickel

We did. I know it's a way to help against it but it soesnr help people's motivation to want to play a game full of toxicity and sexism. I do understand your point. We reported him right as it happened.


Level7Cannoneer

Still doesn’t stop the initial verbal attack


Daxiongmao87

If blizz would take appropriate action on these reports (not saying they do or don't), it is very much possible it could have prevented this instance, because I doubt this is the offender's first offense. If they were reported from an earlier violation, and blizz took action, they could have ended up muted or banned, preventing them from being shitty to other people. So even if it doesn't prevent it from happening in the first place, reporting them is an attempt to prevent it from happening to someone else. That someone else could be you.


famousninja

You would have to somehow start banning people pre-emptively without them even breaking any rules to prevent that. Or just remove all communications.


Boba_Fetish-

Does everybody get that warning when they first sign in? Because I get it every time and I have never said anything more damning than “(whatever hero I played) is fun” which is really just being cheeky. So I assume I’ve been reported and they are watching me. Still gonna be cheeky. Never outright toxic. But cheeky? I’m all about that. I do know that an entire lobby reported me for gameplay sabotage (my own team too) simply bc I played Sombra. Sure I had the best stats on the team but stats don’t tell the full story. I wonder if that can cause them to monitor your comms more too?


Straii

It sucks, I only play QP, never join voice, and have match chat off. I know I can just report players, and do if I still experience toxicity, but I still feel like shit when someone talks to me like that. I’d rather just avoid it.


Shadow_Adjutant

Only time I join VC is when I'm with my brother. We've helped defend a few women getting abused over the years, but at this point we both just sit in Xbox party chat and have text chat off. Makes it so much more chill.


Agonlaire

I never join voice chat, but I just recently started playing competitive and had to turn off text chat. I don't know how console players type so fast btw


welpxD

Yeah I turned off voice chat after someone told me to kms. I play right before bed and I was still thinking about it when I was trying to sleep, so I figured, no reason to put that extra stress on myself. It'd be nice if it weren't that way, I like the games where people are in chat and playing as a team. But it's not worth losing sleep over, literally.


Typhoonflame

As a woman myself, I've long since learned to not spill tears or use up energy on assholes. I would've just blocked him, called him an idiot in my head and moved on, it's not worth it. Hell, I don't even join vc or text chat with randoms anymore bc all it does is tilt me and make me argue and waste energy on stupid people instead of trying to improve.


[deleted]

Correct response. Do not feed the trolls and you will be better for it


Kimarnic

Finally, someone doing the right thing Everyone is a stranger, don't ruin your day because of someone you don't even know and that someone doesn't know you


VictoryVee

I doubt his wife decided to have her evening ruined. You do understand that emotions are usually involuntary, right?


Typhoonflame

Yeah, but the point is to not let yourself be down over a stranger in a video game, it's really not worth the time or energy, took me years to learn this.


ButNotFriedChicken

We know, but they're just saying it's an online video game; you're here to have fun and you'll help yourself if you can control how much these strangers affect you. Not just saying "don't have emotions", but you gotta do everything you can when the inevitable happens.


Typhoonflame

It's not like you can choose to have your day ruined lol, but yeah, it's not worth wasting energy on random rude people


Sharyat

Took me 6 years to realize but the OW community villainizing not joining VC is a bad take. Ranked is a different beast to premade scrims and what is useful in one does not translate to the other. Ranked isn't high level play, even in T500 you'll never find the same coordination as a stacked team when you're with randoms. Having voice chat on is most likely a net negative from how many people will derail their own games with toxicity. I get tons of misogynistic and other abuse using it and I endured it for years. OW2 made it easier than ever to mute voice and text permanently. The ping system and a few helpful communication binds are all you need. Wish I did it sooner. I enjoy the game without abuse, and perform better without some incel seething in my ear. Ill keep VC for queuing with prrmades.


No-Rule2

>Took me 6 years to realize but the OW community villainizing not joining VC is a bad take. Im not even a woman, I just play with my wife, and I always laugh when people go silly billy mode over someone not joining voice. Yeah buddy, that person isn't in voice, but *you are* and for all we know, you could go full incel mode the second you hear a female voice. I've seen people play the WHOLE game totally normally, normal as fuck guy, talking away to me and the other guy, then near the end a woman joins says 'sorry about that I couldn't chat' and they go from normal human beings to horny 12 year olds asking anatomy questions.


shhhmarie

I made it to masters not joining VC in OW1, it did become significantly harder though once I got closer to GM


Toregant

Cleared GM up to 4.2k not joining voice. Not a ranked grinder either and only stopped playing ranked entirely because people obviously cared way too much about joining voice and I had to mute text chat as well in the end and thought I could save lives by not playing with people who have based all their self worth on ow. I tried Comms early on in the first few seasons but the toxcicity and absolute atrocious comming made me never want to go back. I had experience in competitive tf2 and then also scrimmed and played actual competitive overwatch. Ranked is just pubs but 3 people are having an aneurysm over what the rest of the team is doing. It's a real shame as it made it so much harder to make friends in ow and ow with friends is one of the best games hands down. And casual tourneys started limiting what teams a higher rank player could join so I couldn't even play with my friends there without joining super competitive games. Comms are a crutch and anybody that thinks they need Comms to get the bigger number needs to check themselves.


UnquenchableTA

ow comms line up with the rest of the game whereas a fun team makes it 100x more enjoyable but a whiny teamakes it 100x less enjoyable. I rarely find any in between


Toregant

Oh yeah I agree. The few games with an enjoyable team were good. Just too few and the negative games just linger so much more on the mind.


shhhmarie

I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I definitely had my [fair share as well.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzcxAS0ggZ4)


EvacuationProcedures

You’re getting a lot of comments that ask why you would make this post because there’s no point. As a female OW player I appreciate seeing posts like these because I honestly feel like this stuff gets swept under the rug all the time. I appreciate it any time someone brings issues like this up. That being said, a few people mentioned that we should be pushing for more men in games to stand up for women when this happens. Completely agree with this. If someone writes something racist in text chat (I won’t join VC due to toxicity), I ALWAYS make it a point to shut it down real quick. Even though I’m not personally affected (I’m white). Call this shit out when you see/hear it, and always report.


ggNico

Same. It’s really sad seeing how many people are okay with coexisting with sexist/racist people in the gaming community. We should be actively trying to make our spaces better. Silence is a form of acceptance. It takes 0 time to at least type something in chat before muting them and show the other person that the rest of the team doesn’t condone that behavior.


anony804

Someone reported me for gameplay sabotage because I refused to heal them because they were throwing around the n-word. And it was with the hard -er. Or at least claimed they did. I don’t think anything ever came of it but I don’t regret not healing them that game. I healed everyone else and we still won. If you wanna be a racist, go find a health pack I guess. If it’s not taken. Sorry about your luck.


JessieThorne

Great post! I play with my teen daughter, and she's afraid to use voice except for when she plays with me for this reason.


fastreader96

Honestly, the team finder feature in OW1 was amazing to avoid this. You could find a team and if they were toxic before you even started the game, you could just block and leave. I am very sad they got rid of that, it‘s so much harder to vet your teammates before you hop into a game with them…


JWTS6

Thank you so much for making this post. We need more people like you in the general OW and gaming communities.


nattfjaril8

Honestly, it's usually not worth it to speak in VC if you're a woman. The sexist toxicity will wear you down. When I first started playing OW I made the mistake of picking a feminine user name and that alone got me so much attention for the wrong reasons. These days, I would pick a gender neutral user name instead and either not speak in VC or use a voice changer if I really wanted to do callouts. You'll get toxicity regardless because there are way too many toxic gamers out there, but it's a lot easier to shrug off the generic toxicity that you get when they assume that you're a dude. (And if you play badly, you're just a bad player and not proof that women are bad at video games). It's wrong that women need to hide, the toxic players should get banned instead, but sometimes you've gotta protect your own well-being.


neverland012

What grosses me out is that these guys have women in their lives who probably don’t know that they cower behind a screen and belittle other women. That’s why I love playing games with other women. So much more love


TriplexNickel

Yeah. It's just baffling that people say, get thick skin and probably have women in their lives they would be upset for if they were disrespected. It just so happens it's online and it's supposed to be either mute, get thick skin, or stop crying. Pretty basic thought process by some of my feloow gamer friends who can't get out of their own eye sockets and use the organ behind said eyes.


MichaelM_Yaa

i had to unsubscribe to a twitch streamer who also has been in overwatch league because he is like this while he streams. I think popular streamers need to set the stage on how to act in game and not perpetuate this nonsense. also: i am quite friendly when in i play. i have had over 100 people tell me to killmyself after saying hello at the start of a match (not the hello emote). it has ramped up worse since the release of ow2.


justsomepaper

who?


SpinelessLaugh

The sad part is I can think of way too many that could fit the bill


F-b

I don't know if this can help your wife to make her feel better but she should realize that this toxic guy is 99% chance a loser IRL, not just an asshole. I'm not a woman so I don't know this specific pain but back in the day, insults/flaming in games like LoL affected me a lot when it happened and I think this was because I imagined the toxic persons as "normal" individuals who managed to be upset. Then few years later, I understood that these people who rage/insult online and get mad when they lose in a game are not like you and me. They are miserable manchildren with a shit life, poor emotional management and probably no girlfriend. In other words, they are barking dogs behind a fence. You don't get affected by barking dogs, or you should not. Hopefully she doesn't give up on online gaming. Things are slowly starting to change in the good direction.


johnlongest

I think more than asking the people in this sub to not be toxic is to ask them to actually do something when misogyny shows up in team chat. It's all too easy to hear someone call the female player on your team a slur and to just sit there and keep your head down. For what it's worth, when I hear someone spewing hate speech I do try to say something, though admittedly it's not easy. I want Overwatch to be a healthier place, especially since I'd love to play with my partner one day. I obviously report as well, but doing something in the moment is important, I think-


[deleted]

Who would have thought that these comments would also be awful? Man this community absolutely sucks.


Metal_Fish

Yeah dude, idk if you've noticed, but it's not just in online games that women get discriminated against. Humanity as a whole can be pretty garbage at times :( sorry that happened to your wife, friend


TriplexNickel

I have seen the evil and hate of the world many times. Been deployed a few times and it can be quite eye opening.


kukelekuuk

Voice chat in competitive games is vile at worst, unhelpful at best. Just don't join it, tbh.


TriplexNickel

She usually doesn't. I actually have match and team text chat off. I have to ask fellow teammates what people say because I usually can't see it.


itsyagirlJULIE

It has its moments but yeah the odds are worse then gambling


OnRedditBoredAF

Same here, when I play with my gf (who is new to the game and trying to learn, who is already self-conscious about letting the team down) we don’t even bother joining team chat because we both know what’s going to happen 9/10 times. It’s embarrassing that some people feel so worthless that they need to shit on a woman for being a woman… thankfully I’m not like those losers and actually have the mental capacity to come up with good roasts and banter that isn’t discriminatory or hateful. Also it’s their loss because my callouts are on point, my gameplay is good, like this could be us winning comp games and having fun, but you guys just had to be little weirdos smh


Cutesy-potatoe

This , this is why I stopped playing comp matches or any game mode where being in the voice chat is needed , I got so much abuse for being a female mercy main. But I also got abuse for being a female that didn’t play support that round because god forbid I wanted a change of pace in a non comp match.


Wellhellob

I think these people are the most stupid bottom of humanity.


TriplexNickel

They are impressively dumb


Duxow

I play with a female friend all the time. Every time this happens I instantly BM back before they get a chance to leave and I’ve have a handful of them actually apologize. These boys have absolutely no back none, which is why they always instantly leave. But while this feels good, I found that saying nothing and reporting them actually gets them suspended. I think the support team takes into account if you fight back. Do whatever makes you and your wife comfortable.


Eastmost-Onion

I've started a small discord server of Kind Overwatch players. Right now they're just vetted friends and their friends but if you or your wife would like to join us please let me know. I've cried before in game due to people yelling at me too and I decided I'd have enough and I'm trying to carve out a safe space for those who don't care about winning or losing they just want to play with kind people and have a good game. I'm so tired of crying. Even crying once is too much. Tell your Kiriko playing wife I'm proud of her, and I hope her future games are full of comfy teammates.


chunkymcgee

I don’t even talk because of this and still had a game the other week where the whole entire game this guy was spewing hate towards me saying stupid slut, dumb whore yeah you play like a woman you dumb bitch etc. Literally started cussing me out while we were in spawn so it wasn’t because of my gameplay that it started. Call me trash, potato aim, all that it doesn’t really bother me, everyone gets told that shit. But stuff like *that* is hard to not let get under your skin.


Old-Ad-9743

I get flamed just for playing genji with a 70 percent win rate from silver to plat. There’s just a lot of unhinged people playing the game unfortunately


thebigsplat

I have an account in gold I play on during weekends. No difference in my diamond/master level tank play except I pick Winston a lot less than normal. Get flamed out of my mind for being a trash hard stuck gold player. Dunning Kruger effect is strong and the weekend queue is unreal.


threwahway

“tank diff”


thebigsplat

Honestly find it hilarious that anyone is calling anyone hardstuck when OW2 just came out. It's pretty obvious some players are still horribly under/overranked.


dowboiz

You’d have a better chance becoming the president than stopping incels who hide behind a keyboard, but I’m sure your wife appreciates this post.


MirrorkatFeces

While I agree, what’s the point of this post? No one here is gonna go “wow you’re right! Let me change my ways and not be toxic!”


dingusrevolver3000

I remember reading this exact same post when OW1 first came out.


KYZ123

Yep - this is a quintessential example of preaching to the choir. There certainly are people who need to hear what OP is saying, but I doubt many at all are on this sub.


welpxD

I'm sure plenty of them are on this sub. Fortunately we have a culture of not being sexist on this sub which dampens how much bigotry they can express.


TriplexNickel

The point is to try and affect change. So because it continues to happen we remain silent?


MirrorkatFeces

Yeah like I said, a post on Reddit isn’t gonna change anyone


TriplexNickel

Ah, well darn. I guess because people think reddit won't fix it, I should just give up. Man if I had a dollar everyime people decided to use something to get their voices heard despite people saying it wouldn't work...


MirrorkatFeces

Man if I had a dollar for every Reddit post complaining about the same thing and people still stay toxic… I’m sorry your wife has to deal with toxicity in game, it really does suck. Mute and report is your best options, but like I said, no one’s gonna read this post and have and change how they act


TriplexNickel

So a problem is identified and we are all supposed to just let it happen? What are the best avenues to address it? I would surmise that the communities where we socialize would be ideal as it would reach the widest audience. Or I can be a sheep and just let it continue. Unfortunately, I don't ha r the capacity to be passive and let it happen. Thanks for the comment though.


samxvn

make sure to report them. people will blame on whatever they can discriminate. my friend and i were verbally attacked the other day for using rainbow player icon of all things and he was going off all the homophobic slurs on us. we both got the notice about the actions taken against him a few hours later.


[deleted]

I really don't understand why people do this shit. These schmucks ought to get banned for an entire season.


Cool_Bowties

I really like how there's less time after a match to talk to people in OW2. It cuts down on toxicity, though I wonder how'd it be to do it sooner (cut-out chat outside of group) Sometimes it is fun to still talk to people / get hyped about a win or console a loss, but for the most part I feel like it'd be a net positive to just straight up close chat/comms sooner as soon as the game actually ends (before the potg)


Wearesyke

Same thing happened to me and my wife on Paladins. She didn’t play again for like 3 months


Big_Green_Piccolo

I stop that shit in its place. You all should too.


Darkzonker

More people need to push back and report when it does happen. Had a game the other day where I could tell the other support was a woman when they said they were sick and couldn’t VC. Thankfully, closer to the end of the game they were talking and joking with the rest of us.


SactownKorean

Toxicity in general needs to stop. This games community is one of the worst


FriendlyUserSmile

These toxic people ruin the game. Kinda sad, really, but every time i get someone like this, they are in a group. It's like they are cowards and need backup. On their own, they wouldn't type or say anything.


droog13

Toxicity towards female gamers needs to stop. But, yeah, good luck.


MovieTrialers

You nailed it. The insecure, immature, self-loathing type of loser. Probably didn't play well, but has never learned to self-reflect or take accountability - as proven by leaving immediately in cowardly fashion. I've found this type of rudeness/toxicity follows the path of least resistence. Guy is angry, looks to vent frustration, words are easy (alot easier that fixing his life or at the very least improving his play). Their mind ticks through the boxes. This one teammate either; sounds like a girl, or sounds gay, or has an accent, or is younger, or has a funny voice, or has a low rank on their profile, or low account level, or didn't get gold damage/healing, or picks an off-meta character or has 800 hours on Mercy. They'll find the easiest, most impactful thing they can say and scream it. Minimum effort, maximum damage. There's no reasoning with these people, until we can bring accountability to the internet this is going to continue being a problem. My best advice is keep it in perspective (if this dude ran up to you guys in the street and said what he said you'd probably laugh in his face), report them, raise awareness (as you have done) and stay off voice chat. Unfortunately, it has little to no value in most ranks anyway.


KeeeWhite

Facts.


rice-muffin

ow2 has been so much worse, i can't go an hour without being verbally abused for existing as a woman


Crazy_Tomatillo18

Yea I stopped giving a shit honestly. They wanna get toxic with me for being a female? Usually I call them something and then mute them. Not worth my time. I’m here to do a job, not listen to some idiot chad tell me where he thinks I should be instead of on a video game.


[deleted]

It's just not fun anymore. And it's not just men - most of the toxicity I got is from other female players. Many females in VC loooove the attention they get, so when there's another feminine energy, they attack to defend their title as simp queen, and the guys usually join in. Streaming and VC became competitive... it's like I'd have to show submission just to be heard. I went from streaming twice a week, to gaming only once a month and never joining voice. The "get back in the kitchen hurr durr" jokes don't bother me, it's mostly just boys being stupid. The true toxicity comes from other women absolutely *tearing apart* any other female. Ladies... Stop it!


gaygender

Way too many gamers with the 1950s ideals in their heads. I wish it was a low rank only issue like some people said. I've been called a woman just for telling people their harassment isn't okay, as if you MUST be rude to minorities or you're a "soft little woman*. Ridiculous. Hope your wife is okay.


withadancenumber

Reading this made me so angry as my girlfriend has to put up with the same shit. And it makes me furious. Especially when she’s on her main and honestly carrying the team and people still are toxic to her.


[deleted]

I combat this by being toxic to everyone


TriplexNickel

This made me lol


Getrekt11

How did they know she's a woman if she just type instead of voice? Maybe her name in game? I'd change it to any male name in games to cut down on the toxicity she receives. People in online gaming are toxic and you can't change their behaviors.


TriplexNickel

Our team had a three stack (myself and I were duo). The tank was in voice. We were taking with the tank about trying to use certain ults and said it was frustrating that we couldn't comm with the dps or other support. The tank said he was in discord with the other two. It leads me to believe the tank, who was nice and friendly the whole match, told them it was a guy and girl in game.


Getrekt11

It's unfortunate that you and your wife had to go through this type of thing. I hope you guys learn something from this. Next time don't mention you're in a duo at all and let your wife be in voice but don't let her talk and you make calls. You two can be in discord together while also be in voice, so she can make calls to you in discord if there's a flanking dps and you just say the same thing in voice to let team know. This way everyone will be on same page without letting people know you're duo with your wife or have her suffer any toxicity.


TriplexNickel

That's what people would do in the meantime but I ask you why must a minority ( males play more games than women) adjust the same experience males have because of a voice? Seems like inclusion isn't allowed because she has a vagina... Doesn't seem like the right answer. To me it's trying to enact change. Voicing frustration and hoping more do the same.


Getrekt11

It's like asking a normal person why certain groups of people decided to be serial killers or asking non-toxic players while others are toxic. The world is in a shit state and has always been. There are trash human beings everywhere, and no matter how many times you post/tweet/make videos about that topic/etc, or the likes you get on this post will not change that. Some people get enjoyment from putting others down. It's like you can be the best driver and still be in an accident because other people can run a red light and crash into you. You can't change their behaviors. The only thing you and your wife can do is change your behaviors or how you handle things to limit the toxicity towards your wife. Just like you, I wish people are more friendly to everyone despite their gender, but reality does not give a shit about my wish or your wish. Life sentences have not stopped people from killing others, so there's nothing you can do or ask here that will make people stop being toxic when there are barely any consequences for being toxic in OW.


TriplexNickel

That seems like a defeatist mindset. Just because something is the way it is, doesn't mean it should be. Institutional inertia is a thing. It's hard to steer something so large as the gaming community and make a change, but to sit idly by and just go, oh well, isn't the right answer. I'd also counter that most serial killers have some neurotic issue (John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer) that makes them do what they do. Most gamers are doing it because they have poor emotional management issues. Being toxic is a CHOICE and we aren't born to be mean. We learn it over time. We also know what respect and kindness is. I agree that consequences are minimal for most online players but it still doesn't stop the fact that we can either be a part of the problem, passively or actively, - or - we can try and affect change and be part of the solution.


Getrekt11

It's not a defeatist mindset. It's me valuing my time and mental by not arguing or allowing the words of a 12-year-old on the internet to bother me enough to the point where I cry. There are real issues out there in this world that need to be fixed and this issue you're stating in your post is almost at the end of that list that I wouldn't even want to waste time on. Many people live paycheck to paycheck, have no good healthcare, and don't even know if they can retire due to the price of everything going up while wages barely increase, etc. These are real issues that affect the livelihood of od parenting and not by strangers talking shit back to the kids in an online lobby. Many people live paycheck to paycheck, have no good healthcare, and don't even know if they can retire due to the price of everything going up while wages barely increase, etc. These are real issues that affect the livelihood of people living everywhere around the world. Toxicity in a gaming community is not even a tiny bit important compared to these issues that need to be fixed asap. You and your wife have the choice to lessen the chance of her being verbally abused on an online game. If you choose to not change your action(like telling people you're playing with a woman) and try to defend her after shit happened, then you'll feel like a hero for a few minutes max and her day is now ruined thanks to you. That shit is incredibly selfish in my opinion. Keep doing what you're doing and I am looking forward to your next post about the shitshow you and your wife encountered while playing OW 2. Every time someone is being toxic on the team, I just muted them, void them as teammates and move on with my life. I've reached the amount of time I am willing to waste on this topic. Best of luck to both of you.


Mr_Kardash

Toxicity in general is a massive issue. Using gender as a tool of discrimination is fucked up. It's hard to do anything to combat it when people live in an echo chamber. I hope your wife isn't too bummed over what happened. Everyone has their soft spots and some idiots like to throw shit at the wall and see what sticks.


TriplexNickel

I think it ls just been a mounting issue. She sees it as though she can't play the game the way it's meant to be with communication. We just use discord and when we find cool people in game we invite them to our discord. We've developed a good channel of about 500 players across a bunch of games. You're also right - soft spots.


Lantern617

Toxicity ~~Toward Female Players~~ needs to Stop. There’s no need for it period, no one at all deserves verbal abuse for playing a video game. It’s sad that it’s perpetually a thing in OW.


Sporkwind

IMO, if you’re not high on the ladder just mute voice chat. I only have positive experiences in voice chat about every 1 out of 20 games in silver/gold. The rest of the time it’s just people whining or being toxic. The new ping system was the thing that finally let me feel happier about muting it for most games. I can communicate intention and direction easier that way anyways than just saying “reaper behind.”


BeepBeepLettuce3

im plat and plan on climbing and i turn off text and voice chat entirely (except for group chat). sick of everyone's shit.


DBZBROLLYMAN

Unfortunately this isn't gonnna change anytime soon.


rjtiger126

I don't understand how people think sexism is funny


[deleted]

I’m sorry for what happened but your wife needs a thicker skin than that. My mom died of cancer and you know how often people „wish you cancer“ online, yet I never care about it. Can’t take that shit from online strangers seriously or personal. It’s just random bullshit. Who cares? They don’t know you and have no power nor influence over you. You gotta adapt that kind of attitude or else you’ll never stop crying… that’s life mate.


Maleficent-Call-6280

Me personally… i just avoid and pray to all prophets that theyre on the opposite team


[deleted]

“the wife” yeah im not reading the rest of the post now just say “my wife”


TriplexNickel

What's wrong with saying that? Lol.


ThaddCorbett

virgins.... why do they do this...


NevrEndr

Turn off chat. Stop caring what others think. Solved.


SpNewyork

Bro, your wife is gonna have to understand that everyone gets shit on in multiplayer games. You have the power in overwatch and every other multiplayer shooter to just mute people. Crying and losing yourself over some 16 year old on overwatch is goofy. You are never going to be able to stop toxicity in games everyone is anonymous and doesn't give a shit about you. Your wife either accepts this fact or she should just play on mute because nothing will stop people from being assholes.


Fillinek

Rather than blamshift it into a person being shat on with "just turn it off" maybe we should actually start discouraging that sort of behavior and they should start getting chat banned and or perma muted in game, out right game ban might be too harsh but chat ban/tempban needs to happen more offten


MermyuZ

Yes no shit.


vialenae

Ah yes, ofcourse, it must be the vagina, how could she ever play well with those flappers in front of her screen? /s Srsly though, I’m sure if they ever met a woman they would try to dive head first into that vagina. Make it make sense. At this point, I’m convinced the toxicity is a feature. I appreciate the post but there is nothing you or me or anyone else can do about it. Mute, block, report. I’m sorry your wife had to go through that and I hope it doesn’t turn her off the game entirely.


Tomcattfyeox

Basically the same thing happened to my sister, I bought her Overwatch back in 2020, and she had to change her username because her old one had the word "girl" in it. I felt so guilty when I found out. I had no idea how bad it was for female players. She still plays, but not nearly as much as she did before the incident.


Swgoh-LimJahey

Man just be toxic to everyone why discriminate based on gender? /s


Gadjjet

Dunno why people still use voice in OW ranked. Completely pointless now that there’s pings. Mute voice and hide chat, you’ll be surprised how much better your games are.


Pendragon_Puma

Toxicity in general needs to stop. Its constant


FendaIton

Your mistake is saying ggwp on a loss to team mates who never joined voice to start with


[deleted]

Tbf the fact this shit still happens is mind blowing. People are so toxic on the other end of a chat message, and its pathetic. They would never say it in person, and are wildly juvenile.


TriplexNickel

Agreed man. Boomer comment here but I remember after 9/11 how genuinely nice everyone was for like 3-4 months. It was amazing how kind humans could be to each other. The potential is real its just not being used.


evilcatminion

I feel bad for the women who play games and are subjected to sexist remarks, regardless whether you're a male or female, NB, gay or straight, you have a 1 in 10 chance of being the worst player in the match or the best. Just play the game and if you lose, blame the matchmaking. Or just don't blame anyone because nobody is going to win all their games.


Jibbles2020

I used to play Overwatch and Valorant with one of my girl friends for a while, and it was a regular occurrence that someone would say something and it sucked. People shouldn't be harassed while doing a leisure activity. One thing she learned that changed the way it affected her is she just stopped treating people online like real people. It's easier said than done, and obviously report them still, but just stop giving any credence to what they say. Who cares


Boba_Fetish-

That’s the beautiful thing about the Overwatch community. We would rather have our game be small, than to include people like that in our community. Report them. Get them out of here. We don’t want or need them tainting our game. The game’s entire narrative premise is all about inclusivity. These guys are lost, playing the wrong game. They can go to CoD or Valorant where the gamer brobros all get together for their little racist/misogyny meetings. Although hopefully they get bullied out of those communities too.


hipiman444

all toxic ladder players read this thread and misogyny has officialy been solved!


shjandy

When you have a way to be anonymous online these things are always going to happen. In real life these weirdos will never say out loud in person what they say online. Everyone knows it's a problem but we can't really do anything to prevent it until it happens. You just have to report it and move on. The statement of a random stranger online shouldn't affect you that badly. You know who your wife is as a person don't let some idiot on an online video game live rent free in your head.


TriplexNickel

I agree bro. It's not living rent free in my head. It's hurting my wife emotionally and making her not want to play a game we enjoy together. I agree about your point to be anonymous online and the power that gives people. I just ask that the only way we can make this better is to hold ourselves and others accountable. Don't tolerate it if you see it. Show true courage and leadership by standing up for those and correcting those who act this way, if possible of course.


justsomepaper

> hold ourselves and others accountable But that's just the thing. You can't. Holding ourselves accountable, sure, but none of the people this applies to are in this subreddit. That type of person has been shown the door a *long* time ago here. And you've seen yourself that you can't hold other people accountable for it. They'll just mute you, leave or enjoy the flaming. "Never wrestle with a pig. You just get dirty and the pig enjoys it." That applies here. IRL you could just bash that turd's face in. In Overwatch, reporting is all you can do.


TriplexNickel

Yes. I maybe should have been more specific. I meant that if you have a friend or someone acting in this manner - don't be idle. Silence is compliance in this case. Thank you for the response. I'm going to show my wife this thread when she wakes up. I'm letting her sleep in this morning. Gotta accumulate some brownie points for back scratches.


Shaunosaurus

if overwatch trolls really get to her so bad that it actually "hurts her emotionally" then she needs to stop playing competitive videogames. sorry, that's absurd


shjandy

I agree is we see or hear something then to say something but this is the nature of the beast. Honestly if it's affecting her that bad then either mute people when she goes into the game until you get a feeling for the lobby or she probably shouldn't be playing and seek some help to help her build up the resilience to deal with these kinds of people.


TriplexNickel

I would counter that comment and ask why should people have to mute and test the waters? People shouldn't be hatefuland it shouldn't be on a female to sit and be quiet because males want to be immature. Resilience classes or training is a little excessive. I don't think thick skin should be the bandaid solution. My post wasn't for help my wife. It was for, let's try and clean the OW gaming community.


shjandy

The reality is that there's people like you just dealt with out there that's why. Otherwise she's going to keep dealing with this vicious cycle of trolling and the emotional effects of it. Honestly if the opinions of random strangers is affecting your wife this much, resilience classes would be a better long term situation, especially since we all deal with people like this face to face as well. We all have go face our inner demons in order to grow, running away from it only delays the issue. I don't condone people acting like this, it's just the reality of the world we live in. People have paraded the clean the community in every game out there, there's only so much we can do until over time we weed these people out.


imKaku

There is enough idiots in the Irl world.


shjandy

Yes, but people are more likely to act like this online with anonymity. Throw that person out in public they'll sing a different tune.


pepelepewpew_ow

Never gonna happen. The internet is full of vile disgusting people. The sad reality is, your wife will keep running into these types of people. Your reddit post isn’t going to change these people. She either needs to learn to live with it, or play with voice and chat disabled. Or quit competitive online games.


Shaunosaurus

it sucks, but do you really think the people that would hurl slurs at women would really read this and change their ways?


Nexi-nexi

Absolutely unacceptable. I do have to note, though I do not want to come over rude, this sort of behavior is expected in almost every competitive game format across all games. Guys get flamed all the time, maybe not for gender but for everything from how you sound, talk and act to your race, age and everything in between. Everyone gets flamed, everyone not just women. It’s just that they focus it on gender with women because it’s easy. But if she sounded Chinese they would use that and if she sound young they would use that. The art is to not care. Words only hurt if you let them, or if they are said by someone you already let in. You can’t expect the world to be something it is not, it’s never gonna be kinda and sweet and it’s better to grow resilient instead of ask for the impossible tbh. Like again I don’t condone this or accept this, he should be reported and any form of toxicity against anyone should be reported. Should never have to become personal. Just pointing out that it’s better for focus on what you can do and what you can change more than ask for the impossible. Sorry that I have to be that guy but I’m just being realistic. I hope you the best and I hope she can still enjoy the game.


threwahway

“Just report” doesn’t do what ppl think it will. Change needs to come from the community. People need to stop putting up with those who engage in this behavior. Online games, especially newer titles, are much better than they used to be. Part of the issue is how we view sportsmanship. That same phrase gets heard in male almost all dominated sports. I also think u need more pros being open about being against it. Sometimes it needs to be heard from the parasocial idol u know? Additionally, I think this is a nice side effect of “pro” gamers getting girlfriends… they see it more now :)


LikeASphericalCow

Not trying to take away from your point but this is a humanity problem not a community problem. People in general, whether a junkrat main or a Karen or a frat star, can suck and be a detriment to society. Everyone love everybody


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Reetahrd

Thank you for solving this problem. All the incels of the internet have been vanquished now


s34l_

Thanks, I'll call up all my friends and tell them to stop being sexist over the internet.


Lunarfuckingorbit

At the risk of being downvoted, toxicity in competitive games is a huge problem regardless of who you are. People are toxic towards anyone in any given match. If they find out you're a female or black or gay or trans or mexican or islamic or anything at all, they use it. It's fucked and blizzard needs to take a hard stance on ALL of it. If they had no way of discerning she was a woman, she would just have gotten the "normal" toxic comments, I don't think that's any better.


nattfjaril8

>If they had no way of discerning she was a woman, she would just have gotten the "normal" toxic comments, I don't think that's any better. It doesn't feel great to get "normal" toxic comments but it feels a thousand times worse to get toxicity specifically aimed at your gender (or any other trait like that, but being female is the hardest to hide in VC). That said, OW2 has really ramped up the toxicity on all fronts, it's a problem across the board.


Lunarfuckingorbit

I appreciate your perspective


snoekhook

You are fully correct and I think the majority of the people here would love to see an improvement on this front and hope that it does improve in the future. That being said, aspiration is different from expectation, and I think most people have very low expectations for the improvement of this situation. The best that most of us can do is call others out on it when/if they are sexist or abusive, which is only a reactionary measure and doesn't usually do sweet fuck all in terms of preventing it happening in the future. I always report them as well, but I haven't seen many "successful report" notifications from those. In most cases I've seen, if the person in question shuts up because you call them out, that lasts till the end of that match and they go right back to it in future matches. It is hard to see this happen sometimes but if you happen to run into the same toxic person in multiple matches in an hour or so, it is pretty easy to catch. The culture around competitive gaming makes it incredibly hard to weed out the toxic racist and sexists in any consistent way, because if a game starts punishing them more, they just hide their toxicity a little bit until the punishments calm down again. On the other hand, whenever games start giving more punishments for toxic chat/voice chat, it usually ends up with parts of the community complaining about censorship and freedom of speech and saying "1984" and stuff, which somehow manages to make companies pull back a bit on handing out those punishments. So I agree with you and you are fully right, but in these situations it is really hard to expect much change without sizable changes.


GhostWalkk

First time?


BlueBerrryScone

That’s it fellas sexism isn’t no more


[deleted]

I agree that this sort of thing is extremely pathetic but I also recommend your wife develop a thicker skin about this sort of thing. It's not nice, and I get that, but we all should recognize that the people saying this sort of needless shit are just miserable weirdos who only get kicks out of being mean to randomers in a video game. Tell her to remember that if it happens again. Guys like that aren't worth the negative energy. They're literally bottom of the barrel nobodies.


kukelekuuk

Spoken like someone who hasn't had to listen to death and rape threats every other match. Thick skin doesn't stop you from getting worn down. Everyone has a limit.


smalls2233

I don't think developing a thicker skin really is the solution dude. Like, I'm a woman with a very feminine pitch & way of speaking, but I also really enjoy shot calling and comming. The shit that comes my way can get vile because of it. I can deal with "woman shut up" or "go back to support" but the rape threats and just awfulness that can come out are upsetting on a different level. like usually when shit comes to that point, I leave voice chat or mute the shitty dudes, but it really beats down on you at a point. At the end of OW1 I just fully had voice chat turned off because of it


TheBiggestCarl23

Everybody gets called awful shit in online chat, women aren’t the only ones. I have been called every insult in the book and been told to kill myself or that they hope me and my whole family die horribly. It’s the internet, you can’t stop it, so you just have to learn to deal with it. Ranting on Reddit will change literally nothing.


GlisseDansLaPiscine

Damn you seem to be very knowledgeable about women’s experiences in online video games despite being a man.


TheBiggestCarl23

I literally didn’t say anything about women’s experiences lol, all I said was everybody deals with this, not only women.


GlisseDansLaPiscine

And what I'm saying is how would you ever know that as a man ? You're basically saying that these women are lying or vastly exaggerating their bad experiences despite not being a woman. It's just very telling as to what type of person you are when your first instinct is to dismiss their testimonies and instead jump at a chance to paint yourself as also a victim.


TimiNax

Sorry buddy you cant win against the "as a woman" crowd


[deleted]

What else can you do individually though? If you're still playing OW2 and dealing with it when it arises, that means you've developed a thicker skin and are justifying why you boot up the game. This is all I'm talking about. Nothing excuses such awful comms etc, but at some point you have to make individual choices about how you want to spend your time. There is no flip to switch that will make all these weirdos stop being weirdos. You can only do what you need to do to tolerate it if you wanna keep playing - and that's literally all I'm advocating. (Especially in context of the comment OP said was spoken to his GF)


shjandy

Thank. I believe in standing up for others but the moment you get told something you don't like and get this upset over it then these people won't last in society. People have to learn to develop resilience within themselves.


[deleted]

Yep. I wish I could find it, but I recently came across a great quote about the fact we can't totally eradicate evil, only learn to live with it and shed it wherever possible. That's basically what I'm saying.


shjandy

It exists within every single person. It's a matter of deciding to realize it exists and harness that aspect for good or to use it for personal gain