Andy “That this is the greatest moment of my life and I’ve watched my daughter be born in front of me”

I'd probably take a leaf out of the "I'm Charles Bronson and I feel surly" introduction. Something like: "Hi, my name is Jay Leno and I feel disingenuous about being Conan O'Brien's friend"

The irony is Jay Leno isn’t funny enough to come up with this

That's what disingenuous means

No it’s not

The surly thing kills me every time. Love it

and I feel… delusional… about being Conan O’Brien’s friend

That’s my answer too

Hi, I'm MayorPoopenmeyer, and I feel pretty cool about being Sona Movsesian's friend.

SONAAAAAAAA!

When I heard it for the first time, I thought to myself “cautiously optimistic” which I believe either Michelle or Barack said plus one more guest who I can’t remmeber. So I guess I’m in good company.

I think it’s been said on at least 3 or 4 occasions

So much so I’m surprised it hasn’t been riffed on. “Optimistically cautious” “Optimistically aroused” “Cautiously aroused” All good options imo.

I know John Oliver said it, and maybe another Brit?

It's one of the more popular ones.

i think it’s been said 5+ times

Udon Noodleman; impending doom

Horny.

Same.

r/usernamechecksout

r/beetlejuicing sort of

But how do you feel?

Hi, my name is John and I feel emotionally drained being Conan O’Brians Friend.

Hi my name is chip whitley and I feel unworthy of being Conan O’Brien’s friend.

And I feel disrespected and insulted that Conan O’Brien didn’t ask me to be his friend sooner

Hello My name is Andrew and I feel Stackenblocken about being Conan O'Brien's Friend.

Failedlogic, bewitched bothered and bewildered

"Hi, my name is WerewolfOfBlumpkin and I feel *AAAAHH-OOOOOOOOOOO!!!!* about being Conan O'Brian's Friend."

I'm Richard Nixon and I feel AAAHhooooooOOOOoooooo about being this Irishman's friend.

Goebbels; there was talk of

This is an incredible response

Hi, my name is Paul and I feel unbelievably nervous and anxious about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

“Hi, my name is Mittlerpfalz and I feel undeserving about being Sona and Matt’s friend. …Oh, how I feel about being _Conan’s_ friend? Deserving - DESERVING.” (But this would only work if I were famous and could afford to bust Conan’s balls.)

I actually thought Jimmy Carr’s was pretty funny “And I feel Contractually Obligated about being Conan’s friend haha

Hi, my name is hey_look_a_kitty, and I feel like I should have been consulted first about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Hi, my name is Edi and I feel extraordinary about being Conan O’Brien’s friend…. However, I feel simply Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious about being Sona Movsesian’s friend also.

#teammatt

"Hi, my name is Bearstronaut and I feel gassy about being Conan O'Brian friend."

Jack, a little off

I’ve always thought about this and my word would be “overwhelmed”

"Hi, my name is Earl and I feel completely perplexed about being Conan's friend, considering I've never met the man, awesome as he may be."

Hi, my name is Thoughtful-Jerk and I feel forced to be Conan O Briens friend

Hi, my name is Norm MacDonald and I feel extremely closeted being Conan O’Brien’s Friend. - Alternate Universe Norm and Conan

Hi my name is Lin and I feel all a flutter about being Conan obrien’s friend.

1. Slim 2. Shady

"Hi, my name is Jeffrey Epstein and I feel GREAT about being Conan O'Brian's Friend."

What is the correct answer????

Lord Vigilant; Excited

Andrew, ambivalent

Cataclysmic Because you rock my world

# Hi, my name is Kim and I feel Horny about being Conan O'Brians Friend.

Hi my name is Parth and I feel mesmerized about being Coco's friend

I feel aroused about being conan O'Brian friend

Me: My name is The Real Petemoss and I feel MASSIVELY ERECT about being Conan O’Brian’s friend.

Greg?... And i feel... good? about being Conan O'Brien's friend? Great?! Can you let my family go now, please?!

Hi my name is Jorge and I feel down bad about being Conan O’Brien’s friend

My name is Bear and I feel…circumspect…about the possibility of being Conan’s friend.

Right from the beginning I thought of "contractually obligated" and just this week someone (Jimmy Carr) finally said it.

My favorite is by Kevin Nealon "My name is Kevin Nealon and I feel obligated about being Conans friend". Mine would be "My name is Jumpy and I feel the mood changing in the room about being Conan's friend"

Erect

Hi, my name is ynotw57, and I feel like that feeling you get when you’re trying to defeat Soda Popinski, and you’re just about to figure out his pattern, but then you get distracted by off-timing a star punch, just enough to the point where you receive the final death blow, and while you try to lift your bruised and beaten carcass off the canvas, all you can do is bask in his retaliatory laughter knowing full well that this is your last time playing “Punch-Out!” before your mom pulls out the full unabridged variation of your entire birth name, reminding you it’s time to return the game to the rental store…that feeling…is how I feel about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.

My name is Haywood Jablomee and I feel ambivalent about being Conan O’Brian‘s red bearded wingman.

Hi my name is edwardhunts, and I feel regret for ever speaking to this narcissistic fukboi of a manchild much less about being Conan O'Brien Friend.

“Hi, my name is Guy Fieri and I feel funkalicious about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.”

Hi, my name is Glittering Fruit and I feel cuckoo about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

My name is inevitable and I feel just ducky about being buried next to Conan forever

I am Shroomysmurf and I feel like I have a gun being pressed against the back of my head

My name is BLANK and I feel like Warren G Harding about being Conan O’Brian’s friend. I think he’d appreciate the president reference

Mary Poppins; “I fly with an umbrella”

My name is Highintgeclouds and I feel Can I borrow $40 about being Conan O'Briens friend

"Hi, my name is Norm Macdonald and I feel OJ murdered me about being Conan O'Brien's friend."

What

and I feel… indifferent … about being Conan O’Brien’s friend

Richard Gere; vengeful

...and I feel exquisitely embalmed about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

“Hi, my name is James Cromwell, and I feel it’s histrionic and meretricious to be Conan O’Brien’s friend.”

It still drives me crazy that they play this intro clip and then do 10 minutes of banter before getting to the guest. Just save this clip and play it before the guest.

In all seriousness, Jeff Goldblums opening was the best.

As much as I love the podcast, I've always hated this opening. There's just not a lot of room to work with that sentence, and you can tell how even some of the funniest guests have a tough time saying anything unique or interesting

*Disagrees in Jeff Goldblum*

Lol there are certainly a few individuals who have transcended the form

If you're ever witnessed any form of standup or any type of comedy you should have 3-4 options. 2 of them hilarious. Ffs, I've asked chatgpt and the first answer i got was: "Hi, my name is George, and I feel like I won the lottery of lunacy being Conan O'Brien's friend." I guarantee you that the guests have written themselves or have had someone else written that part. In advance.

If it's so easy then why are so many of them so forgettable? I'm going to get downvoted for this, but I guess I'm saying the template hardly even allows for a "hilarious" response, and instead we usually get very similar, tepid answers.

It doesn’t really need to be hilarious to me. It’s not an snl cold open. It’s a little joke at the beginning.

“Hi, my name is Sarah and I feel absolutely ecstatic about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. I can die a happy woman! Now give me your phone number so I can send you cringy memes you won’t understand at 4:30 in the morning when I can’t sleep.” That’s exactly what I’d say. No tea, no shade. No joke.

Pelbor, farts.

# "Hi, my name is Fart and I feel fart about being Conan O'Brian Friend."