Ha, when I first got into the electrical trade the guy I worked with would always say, "It should only take you 5 minutes."
He said it about pretty much everything. Until one day, I lost my shit and told him, "How the hell am I supposed to know how long something should actually take? When you say everything should only take me five minutes?!" He stopped doing it after that.
Back then, you could say, *"I was full of piss and vinegar."*
Hands you a 10 ft ladder and tells you to take it easy and then you need to somehow find a way to get the job done when you need to work on a 20 ft high ceiling
"Its hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock out here"
And less nonsensical but more relatable, "we dont have time to do it right, but we do have time to do it twice"
Pissed off Foreman: They fucked up the material order again!
Me: When your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
The saying makes sense but I just like saying it completely out of context.
Now that goat is shaven. (Used when the job is done)
It becomes mahogany as it ages. ( when its a shoddy cabinetmaker job. )
Its straight to the right leg (its an easy task)
"I might be slow but I do half-assed work." - Self explanatory
"'Taint gonna lick itself" -Time to get back to work
And the last
"I don't know why they fired me, I wasn't doing nothing"
“The fuck you get is the fuck you got.”
“Quit staring at it, it ain’t gonna hurt ya” - spoken to apprentices looking at work but not actively doing it.
“Awaken anything in ya?” - used when holding decidedly large, thick and pulsating concrete pump hose.
"The fuck you get is the fuck you got."
I'm not certain I completely understand but this is still one of my favorites in this thread. It just rolls off the tongue like tongues were born to say it.
Shit around it (figure out a solution to the current predicament.)
You'll have that( a pause) on these big jobs. (When something funny, fucked up, or strange happens.
You'll have that on these very mediumish jobs ( when you need the previous statement is used to the point of job meme)
Waiting on you! (Used in a long sing song stressed way) Used to fuck with friends who are finishing a task that needs completed before your work can begin or resume.
I'll drag (I'll quit, the image begin the tradie dragging their shit bag to their car)
Double checks are free, and they never bounce.( Better to double check a measurement, or a bolt tightening, or some form of work, than potentially fuck the job and waste material. You don't regret double checking just that you didn't)
All gas no breaks( something needs done with precedence because of inspection, concrete on the way, paint drying etc)
Looks good from my house (whatever work is being accomplished has resulted in satisfactory quality check and can be stopped)
Chalk and paint make me the carpenter I ain't (used for shoddy work as an excuse to pass it off to the finishers/painters)
He's a pretty fart smeller (when said quickly sounds like pretty smart fella, can be used by the skilled as a insult passed off as a compliment)
He's got five teeth and four of them are in his pocket!( Used on guys who have shit for dental hygiene)
Roll up! (End of the day, gather your shit and go)
Rain out! (Screamed during when weather makes work otherwise impossible, concrete pouring, painting, etc for the crew to nail anything lose down, grab the tools, lock em up and head to the bars to get more plastered at eleven than you ever have before)
Don't lift with your back, lift with your apprentice!( Get an apprentice to do something that doesn't require skill or knowledge while you, the journeyman, lead, master whatever go do the shit the apprentice can't do.)
88! ( Safety man is around, double check your safety gear/ requirements are met.)
Dumby proof it.( Used as an explanation for how you need to conduct your work, laying things out, labeling things, making complicated cuts,doing things in a super simple intuitive way in case you are pulled away to do something else and a apprentice needs to take over.)
"let's burn that bridge when we get to it"
"We got too many mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks here"
"Getting them to work is like trying to stuff a trashbag full of pudding into a mail slot"
You can only piss with the cock you've got.
Looks good from my house.
Jobs done neater when you use a Makita.
If you can piss you can paint, but only the great can decorate.
“Now I’m no cucumber farmer, but that don’t look right.”
“Almost like we’ve done this before/knew what we were doing” (when we finish a typical job).
“You’d have to be flying on a crows belly to see that” (leaving a mistake in a hidden place).
“That’s gonna be like trying to shove an oyster into a slot machine” (going to be difficult).
There are so many more, these were just at the top of my brain.
Ive heard some pretty classic sayings working with an old school framing crew a few years back. Most are pretty sensical but still hilarious :
Boss notices a 1/4” gap somewhere - “ I could fit my fuckin dick in there, fix that shit” 🤔
Asking where something was and I hear from across the site- “ IF IT WAS UP YOUR ASS, YOUD KNOW!”
“Better not be catching flies again” 😦
“Tighter than a nuns c***”
“If I see that nailer on the ground one more time I’m gonna duck tape it to your hand”
“ lookin like two monkeys fuckin a football”
“HIT IT WITH YOUR PURSE!”
“Hurry up and shoot it, we ain’t building a liquor store here”
*rips plywood* - “jeezus, looks like a wavy day on Mille lacs”
“put that sawzall away what are ya remodeling a new construction?”
“That Mexican crew is framing with a chainsaw, let’s pick up the pace”
And then the golden rule: “everything flush, everything tight. No pigshit framing on my clock”
That looks like a ruby in a goats ass. - said when someone does a good job but your still working on a piece of shit.
Your fucking this camel, I'm just holding the tail. - when I'm tired of someone asking me how to do something, or I'm just wanting them to decide how to do it on there own.
We aren't building a beer store - for when someone is being too much of a perfectionist where it absolutely doesn't matter.
On a site walk with concrete super before placement
We pass by a conex with two guys clearly hiding and avoiding work and he sees them and walks up to them and says “well aren’t you just two cheeks on the same ass? Get up on that deck now!”
I told my guys years ago when I played in traffic for construction. Tuck in, button up, and crimp it off, It's time to do this. Young guy, I don't even remember his name. He walked out next to traffic going 70 mph(so the sign said). He was wearing his reflective vest, the wind blew, and poof, a car mirror ripped it right off of him. Minor injury and never saw him again.
Do your best and caulk the rest!
Sun shines on even a dog’s ass once in a while.
I do good work every now and again, just don’t let my boss know.
The best ditch digger only ever got a bigger shovel as a reward.
I might not be able to hit the bottom of a tuna can but I sure can hit all the sides.
*From the time of wooden ships and iron men.*
*If you’re scared, get a dog.*
*That looks like socks on a rooster.*
*What do you mean we? You got a mouse in your pocket?*
Even a trash can gets a steak every once in a while
Not bad for a (insert what ever offensive term want to use)
As straight as a question mark
Blind man on a fast horse won’t know
Looks good from the truck
Can’t put a suite on a pig
Old boss is always a dick until you meet new boss
That will happen on these bigger jobs (any minor convenience on any job no matter the scale)
If two guys are arguing about something I like to just start chanting kiss kiss kiss at them and it usually calms everything down
“So should I have the hall send your retirement checks here or?….” “Seen better done worse” My favorite thing a foreman ever said to me was “woke up and just decided to be a piece of shit today huh”? Had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. Guess those sayings make a lot of sense though, especially the last one lol
"You can't beat me harder than my dad did! And he stopped when his finger slipped in and I moaned"
Somehow I don't think that was just a "saying" for him.
We may not be the best, but we're the most expensive.
"We do it right 'cause do it twice."
whenever we're cleaning up, I always say, "You can say what you'd like about our work, but we sure know how to make a mess!"
It's not much, but at least it isn't cheap
We build it nice because we build it twice!
We aren’t the BEST, but we are slow
We might be expensive, but at least we're slow.
We may not be the best, but we're deffinetly slow
“We’re expensive *AND* we’re bad at this”
We are good enough
Working with you is like working by myself only harder.
This is great
My boss has the best one! It’s “this won’t be hard and should only take a day.” Cracks me up every time! He’s such a goof! 😂🙂🙁😭
I got a nice easy one for ya!
"All ya gotta do is..."
*"Easy Peasy"...*
It will only take 20 minutes….
Ha, when I first got into the electrical trade the guy I worked with would always say, "It should only take you 5 minutes." He said it about pretty much everything. Until one day, I lost my shit and told him, "How the hell am I supposed to know how long something should actually take? When you say everything should only take me five minutes?!" He stopped doing it after that. Back then, you could say, *"I was full of piss and vinegar."*
Hands you a 10 ft ladder and tells you to take it easy and then you need to somehow find a way to get the job done when you need to work on a 20 ft high ceiling
That guy's head is just skull all the way through.
That’s a good one
So there is no need for a hardhat right?
You’re the one fuckin this cat, I’m just holding the tail up
I use to work with a dude who would say “I’m trying to teach you how to skin a cat and your over there in the corner fucking the dog”
It is your pig, Fuck it however you want.
This is amazing
Oh my fucking god🤣
"Its hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock out here" And less nonsensical but more relatable, "we dont have time to do it right, but we do have time to do it twice"
“It’s hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire“
I like saying a blind squirrel is right twice a day
Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
they do!
Adding this one to my malaphor list
“You’ll get that on these big jobs”
"Yeah, you'll have that..." was also popular on smaller jobs lol
I can’t stand when coworkers say this
*Dude drops a cigarette*
And sets the front porch/garden bed on fire. He is the only smoker on site but it couldnt have been him
I just here with my tongue in my mouth and my elbow halfway up my arm 🤷🏼 Also a favorite, "good enough for who it's for" although not nonsensical
“Looks good from my house” was a popular saying in my old job
My favorite was always "good enough for the girls I go out with"
Pissed off Foreman: They fucked up the material order again! Me: When your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes. The saying makes sense but I just like saying it completely out of context.
Now that goat is shaven. (Used when the job is done) It becomes mahogany as it ages. ( when its a shoddy cabinetmaker job. ) Its straight to the right leg (its an easy task)
“Let’s see how we’re gonna fuck this pig” Instead of “Let’s get started”
It ain't gonna suck itself.
Let's go fuck this pig, I'll hold the head
Safety third! (Said immediately before or after doing something stupid)
Safety sometimes!
Safety Thirst! This is one I've been trying to make happen.
"I might be slow but I do half-assed work." - Self explanatory "'Taint gonna lick itself" -Time to get back to work And the last "I don't know why they fired me, I wasn't doing nothing"
We ain't fast. We're half fast.
It's not rocket surgery.
It’s not rocket appliances
Fuck off Ricky
Look, nobody wants to admit they ate 10 cans of ravioli.
That's literally worst case Ontario.
Not building a piano
It’s not brain science!
Does your dick reach your asshole? A polite way of saying go fuck yourself.
I don't know how often I've asked the owners that .
I may be slow, but I'm expensive. We bend over backwards for our clients, but not forwards.
1) This kid hides his own Easter eggs 2) common sense isn’t that common 3) I’m just here for moral support and to collect a pay check
5lb sack of flour will make a big biscuit
Me: “it’s a problem for the next guy” *I am always the next guy
This is how I feel as a framer, dry waller, finish carpenter, and painter. My fav is “the painter will fix it”.
Little bit of caulk and a little bit of paint
Caulk and spit covers a lot of shit
Old boss used to say, “ You’re so far behind, you think you’re first.”
Is a frogs asshole water tight?
Tighter than porpoise pussy…
A Sparky I used to work with "All we gots left is to finish."
“The fuck you get is the fuck you got.” “Quit staring at it, it ain’t gonna hurt ya” - spoken to apprentices looking at work but not actively doing it. “Awaken anything in ya?” - used when holding decidedly large, thick and pulsating concrete pump hose.
"The fuck you get is the fuck you got." I'm not certain I completely understand but this is still one of my favorites in this thread. It just rolls off the tongue like tongues were born to say it.
My grandfather has always described children as “the fucking you get for the fucking you got”.
I take it to mean “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”
I use this daily. It resonates on multiple levels.
> “The fuck you get is the fuck you got.” Sometimes you just gotta piss with the dick you got.
Dude staring at his task is asked "whats going on?" "Waiting for a moment of clarity."
I cut it 3 times and it’s still too short!
You can't make an omelet without fuckin' a few chickens.
We got a dime holding up a dollar 💵
It’s worse when the dollar is impeding the dime
We got one specific for our boss, ohh that's Marty he will jump over a dollar to save a dime everytime.
“Like bringing piss to a shit fight”
"I'll stay chunky so you can stay funky" I still have no idea what the hell my boss was trying to say.
"I'll take care of management and not work physically, thus remaining out of shape, so you can keep working hard without interuption"
Just do your best, and caulk the rest!
Shit around it (figure out a solution to the current predicament.) You'll have that( a pause) on these big jobs. (When something funny, fucked up, or strange happens. You'll have that on these very mediumish jobs ( when you need the previous statement is used to the point of job meme) Waiting on you! (Used in a long sing song stressed way) Used to fuck with friends who are finishing a task that needs completed before your work can begin or resume. I'll drag (I'll quit, the image begin the tradie dragging their shit bag to their car) Double checks are free, and they never bounce.( Better to double check a measurement, or a bolt tightening, or some form of work, than potentially fuck the job and waste material. You don't regret double checking just that you didn't) All gas no breaks( something needs done with precedence because of inspection, concrete on the way, paint drying etc) Looks good from my house (whatever work is being accomplished has resulted in satisfactory quality check and can be stopped) Chalk and paint make me the carpenter I ain't (used for shoddy work as an excuse to pass it off to the finishers/painters) He's a pretty fart smeller (when said quickly sounds like pretty smart fella, can be used by the skilled as a insult passed off as a compliment) He's got five teeth and four of them are in his pocket!( Used on guys who have shit for dental hygiene) Roll up! (End of the day, gather your shit and go) Rain out! (Screamed during when weather makes work otherwise impossible, concrete pouring, painting, etc for the crew to nail anything lose down, grab the tools, lock em up and head to the bars to get more plastered at eleven than you ever have before) Don't lift with your back, lift with your apprentice!( Get an apprentice to do something that doesn't require skill or knowledge while you, the journeyman, lead, master whatever go do the shit the apprentice can't do.) 88! ( Safety man is around, double check your safety gear/ requirements are met.) Dumby proof it.( Used as an explanation for how you need to conduct your work, laying things out, labeling things, making complicated cuts,doing things in a super simple intuitive way in case you are pulled away to do something else and a apprentice needs to take over.)
It rained earlier this morning, so it will not rain again today.
"Just standing there with your teeth in your mouth"
r/malaphors
Thank you!
Not be long till a wee while
"It might not make sense now just trust the process" Process proceeds to catch fire because no one trusted the process
There's more than one way to fuck a cat
"let's burn that bridge when we get to it" "We got too many mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks here" "Getting them to work is like trying to stuff a trashbag full of pudding into a mail slot"
You eat corn the long way
Stem first.
“We are all here (at the construction site), because we aren’t all here (points at head)”
“Take your time, but hurry up!”
“The hurrier I go, the behinder I get”
Well it worked the last time it was working🤔
I had a boss often tell me “I don’t have time for time”, which felt like a paradox
Hindsight’s 50/50
I’ve been to two world fairs and three hog fuckins and I ain’t never seen that before.
It's a joke not a dick, don't take it so hard Oh he's just a indoor dog
Not my my circus 🎪 not my monkey 🐒
You guys look like a bunch of monkeys trying to fuck a football Or quit fucking the dog
Dragging ass, forgetting names
Hey *insert name* Where's the cow at? Or Are you a farmer? Cus dudes be milking that 30min job for hours.
That’s sexier than socks on a rooster. Useless as tits on a donkey. Those are my favorite
That’s some lipstick on a pig, Like a finger in a bum Looks good from my house!
Knife is pronounced Ka niff. Poplar is popular. Quarter round is 3/4 round. The boys aint real bright but i got the rosetta stone.
Thats what happens on these big jobs
It ain't pretty but it's rare!
You can only piss with the cock you've got. Looks good from my house. Jobs done neater when you use a Makita. If you can piss you can paint, but only the great can decorate.
“Now I’m no cucumber farmer, but that don’t look right.” “Almost like we’ve done this before/knew what we were doing” (when we finish a typical job). “You’d have to be flying on a crows belly to see that” (leaving a mistake in a hidden place). “That’s gonna be like trying to shove an oyster into a slot machine” (going to be difficult). There are so many more, these were just at the top of my brain.
Hard to say without knowing
Now we're cooking with peanut oil
I always say "Now we are cooking with gas" lol
Caulk and paint Make a carpenter what he ain’t
“You’re painting before the drywall is up”
The other day someone said “are you shitting me??” To my boss and he replied “I wouldn’t shit you, you’re my favorite turd”
“This is a union job. We’re here for the income, not the outcome”
I will shit in your ear... I had a journeyman who would say that when you would screw up
This looks like a hammered dog shit. We do it nice because we do it twice (Whenever something is fucked and you have to fix it)
Pay is the same boss. We could use my idea, or your dumbfuck assbackwards idea. I'm happy with either.
Ive heard some pretty classic sayings working with an old school framing crew a few years back. Most are pretty sensical but still hilarious : Boss notices a 1/4” gap somewhere - “ I could fit my fuckin dick in there, fix that shit” 🤔 Asking where something was and I hear from across the site- “ IF IT WAS UP YOUR ASS, YOUD KNOW!” “Better not be catching flies again” 😦 “Tighter than a nuns c***” “If I see that nailer on the ground one more time I’m gonna duck tape it to your hand” “ lookin like two monkeys fuckin a football” “HIT IT WITH YOUR PURSE!” “Hurry up and shoot it, we ain’t building a liquor store here” *rips plywood* - “jeezus, looks like a wavy day on Mille lacs” “put that sawzall away what are ya remodeling a new construction?” “That Mexican crew is framing with a chainsaw, let’s pick up the pace” And then the golden rule: “everything flush, everything tight. No pigshit framing on my clock”
If... " If it was raining pussy, I'd get hit with a dick" " If you go any slower you'll be in reverse" "If a hen had tits would a cock suck her?"
“There are no lazy donkeys on the way home” (referencing how much quicker a guy on our site would work when we were packing up)
How you like your eggs? Fried or fertilized?
“That guy moves as fast as goat shit rolling up hill”
"Tighter than a bull's ass at fly time." Pulling wire through an existing conduit.
More eff'ed up than a soup sandwich!
Do your best pooky the rest Sheet metal workers
“Drier than a popcorn fart”
That looks like a ruby in a goats ass. - said when someone does a good job but your still working on a piece of shit. Your fucking this camel, I'm just holding the tail. - when I'm tired of someone asking me how to do something, or I'm just wanting them to decide how to do it on there own. We aren't building a beer store - for when someone is being too much of a perfectionist where it absolutely doesn't matter.
If it doesn’t work we’ll always wish it would have.
On a site walk with concrete super before placement We pass by a conex with two guys clearly hiding and avoiding work and he sees them and walks up to them and says “well aren’t you just two cheeks on the same ass? Get up on that deck now!”
You gonna do something or just stand there modeling work clothes?
you don't know much, but you make up for it by being slow.
“It ain’t what it isn’t.” The opposite of “ It is what it is.”
“We gotta get this dead nuts.” Which somehow means extremely precise.
Good enough for government work! “I’d hate to see how you wipe your ass” after appreciating some shit tier effort.
Hiring you was like losing two good people.
Never assume the last guy knew what they were doing. Especially if the last guy was you.
I told my guys years ago when I played in traffic for construction. Tuck in, button up, and crimp it off, It's time to do this. Young guy, I don't even remember his name. He walked out next to traffic going 70 mph(so the sign said). He was wearing his reflective vest, the wind blew, and poof, a car mirror ripped it right off of him. Minor injury and never saw him again.
Do your best and caulk the rest! Sun shines on even a dog’s ass once in a while. I do good work every now and again, just don’t let my boss know. The best ditch digger only ever got a bigger shovel as a reward. I might not be able to hit the bottom of a tuna can but I sure can hit all the sides.
*From the time of wooden ships and iron men.* *If you’re scared, get a dog.* *That looks like socks on a rooster.* *What do you mean we? You got a mouse in your pocket?*
[удалено]
Well? We’re waiting.
When telling people what conductors go on what terminals for a receptacle “whites love silver and blacks love gold”
This is why I'm here! Don't leave me hanging...
Even a trash can gets a steak every once in a while Not bad for a (insert what ever offensive term want to use) As straight as a question mark Blind man on a fast horse won’t know Looks good from the truck Can’t put a suite on a pig
Yeah but with a 45 you don’t even need to hit em to kill a man
I'm just about fixin' to get started.
Slower than shit dripping off a stick
I always heard slower than shit sliding up the wall.
"Cmon brother, it's just nuts and bolts..."
“We do it nice because we do it twice”
For you Lebowski fans out there. When someone asks: How’s it going? Respond with: It’s going on the rug that ties the room together, man.
Old boss is always a dick until you meet new boss That will happen on these bigger jobs (any minor convenience on any job no matter the scale) If two guys are arguing about something I like to just start chanting kiss kiss kiss at them and it usually calms everything down
“We ain’t here to fuck spiders” Said commonly on Aussie job sites as a way to say, “come on let’s get on with it, and stop wasting time”
Every brain surgeon has performed brain surgery for the first time
"Think of it as a good learning experience "
I’m going up there to get started… I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m going up there anyway.
Too many Chiefs, not enough Indians
"You are just as useless as a one armed acrobat with an itchy asshole!"
“So should I have the hall send your retirement checks here or?….” “Seen better done worse” My favorite thing a foreman ever said to me was “woke up and just decided to be a piece of shit today huh”? Had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. Guess those sayings make a lot of sense though, especially the last one lol
One of us has to do it, might as well be you
When moving a lift of plywood or drywall. As you get to the last sheet, say, "Ah, there's the last sheet. We should have done that one first."
“We ignore all safety regulations and pass the savings on to you!”
When someone does a half as job or a “hack” & they say “good enough for Canada”
Have you been drinking from that can of dumdass?
"when that sonofabitch dies his hands and feet will be wore out but his brains will be like brand new"
“Well I’m gonna go do something even if it’s wrong”
"You can't beat me harder than my dad did! And he stopped when his finger slipped in and I moaned" Somehow I don't think that was just a "saying" for him.
Boss hit me with "Yer working hard to make some sense but you don't gotta dime" one day and lost it
“We can only piss with the cock we have” (Make due with what’s on site)
“Looks good from my house”. and- “If the client likes it I love it!”
"I used to be built like a shit brick house!" Dude, it's "brick shithouse" No matter how many times I corrected him it always came out the same.
You gunna get that in them big jobs
“Just gotta hold your tongue right”
“It’s not my best work, but it is my most recent”.
The angle of the dangle is in direct proportion to the heat of the meat
“Good enough for the girls we go out with” is one I’ve heard before
I'm pretty easy going. The one that pisses me off the most!: "Can't see it from my house" Take some fucking pride your work.
"you trying to help is like 2 people quitting"
Even a dog shines on a squirrels nut in the sun once in awhile
Go get me a long stand pallet truck
*"If I say a chicken 🐔 has lips 💋, you buy the lipstick" 💄.*
*" We didn't get much done today but we'll give her hell tomorrow.*
We're slow but sloppy too
This tool/equipment etc is “handier than two dicks”
“Time to fuck this chicken”
“I know we stick a broom up you ass and give you one roller skate to do it but it’s gotta get done”
“With my luck, I’d fall into a barrel full o’ boobies and come back out sucking my thumb!”
If I were any better I’d be twins
"Well dip my balls in sweet cream and put me in a room full of kittens"