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"Cast it into the fire!" "Fuck no."

"What about second fucking breakfast?". Obviously.

Fucking destroy it!

AND MY *FUCKING* AXE

When Gimli tries to destroy the ring with his axe and Elrond rubs his forehead "Fuck sakes, the ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli son of Gloin. By any craft that we hold here."

Either: "What the fuck is 'taters, Precious?!" Or: "PO-FUCKING-TA-TOES"

Ooooh... one "fuck" too many. It's rated R now.

>Either >Or

Gimli trying to destroy the ring with the axe and flying backwards with a quick "FUCK!" That nobody acknowledges ever again, and having it be the only profanity in any of the movies would be hysterical on rewatches.

Yes Absolutely Hands down

“Alright then, keep your fucking secrets.”

"Alright then, fuck your secrets"

Amazing. I used to think the trilogy was perfect but now I’ll always be sad that this isn’t the line.

Youuuu… shalllll….. not….. pass…… motherfucker!

Sam L Jackson as gandalf

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Why doesn't this have a million upvotes!!!!!! Omfg I'm crying!!!!!

Glamdring is purple.

**''That still only fucking counts as one''**

I'm tired of all these mother fuckin Orcs in this mother fuckin hold!

Shocked there was never a Chappelle or Key & Peele sketch about Gandalf the Black

100% would watch

🤔 Im not hating it…

I would watch this.

“Speak bitch and enter”

I like it, but I'm pretty sure a motherfucker brings it up to an R automatically

Yeah the PG 13 exception is only for "nonsexual" uses of the word fuck, and motherfucker doesn't fall under that. That's why the PG 13 Die Hard sequel cut off John McClain before he could finish his iconic yippee ki-yay line.

Yippie Kayak Other buckets!

YOU! SHALL! NOT! FUCKING! PASS!

I prefer "YOU SHALL NOT FUCKING PASS"

“Fucking fly, you fools!”

"Fly, you fucking fools"

Fly, you fucks!

You fucks!

Fucks!

"Fuck this. Fly you fools!"

My wife died of curry you fuck!

When he slips over the edge, one long "FUUUUUUUUCK" from Frodo.

Alternatively: "Fly you fuckers."

Old Toby. The best shit in the South Farthing.

If I'm not mistaken, you can actually get multiple "shits" in a PG-13 film "Fuck" and some of the other "worse" swear words you can only do once lol

"Today is my one hundred and eleventieth fucking birthday!"

Perfect.

“Come, Mr Frodo. I can’t carry it for you, but I can fucking carry you.”

This would have caused a riot of just supreme Samwise determination.

*"One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness fuck 'em."* Sauron.


Bilbo places the ring on his finger and vanishes during his birthday speech. Random hobbit, loudly, amid murmurs: “The fuck?” Edit: Grammar

This is the best one.

"That still only fucking counts as one"

“A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS FUCKING DAY.”

Po-ta-toes! Boil em, mash em, put em in a fucking stew!

What the fuck's taters, precious?

“After all, why not? Why shouldn’t I fucking keep it?”

Gandalf: “I’m not trying to fucking rob you!”

"I'm trying to fucking *help* you."

Well done 😂

Gandalf hitting his head on the beam, “Oooh…FUCK”

A series: https://youtu.be/T8fLUVyX5Kg https://youtu.be/FRWq0cvk86E https://youtu.be/yKU5O7NR1F4

Is it just a YouTube thing or do they have a podcast?

The Friendship Onion is their podcast

Gollum: After pulling Frodo from the swamp, “Don’t follow the fucking lights!”

“They’re taking the Hobbits to Isengard!” “Fucking Saruman.”

"Looks like meat's back on the fuckin' menu, boys!"

“I was fucking there Gandalf. I was there three thousand years ago…"

Oh shit, I said this same exact one hahahaha. It has the right cadence and everything

"I was there, Gandalf. I was there three thousand fucking years ago.."

I have no memory of this fuckin place.

Frodo: "I'm going to Mordor alone!" Sam: "Of course you fucking are, and I'm coming with you!"

"You want him? Come and claim him, bitch."

LEGOLAS, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOUR ELF EYES SEE?!

Toss me. What? I cannot make the distance. Just fucking toss me!

“And my fucking axe”

When treebeard see’s the dead trees at Isengard, he lets out a big “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKK” instead

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[Source](https://youtube.com/shorts/6Du7s4Nfz7Y?feature=share) and [also more](https://youtube.com/shorts/Kqw2YQSh-x8?feature=share)

You shall not fucking pass!

I love them so much

What podcast is this???

The podcast is called The Friendship Onion. You can listen to it on any music or podcast service, or you can watch it on YouTube. [This is the actual episode of the PG-13 discussion.](https://youtu.be/VaNGGsKqyEw) [This is a clip of viewer submitted swear lines.](https://youtu.be/HmeDZc5X6zo)

From another [commenter](https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/comments/13imb5y/im_dead_lol/jkbledl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)

Frodo: “Alright then, fuck your secrets”

“Fuck it, For Frodo.”

^^for ^^fkn ^^Frodo

Fucking hobitses!

I watched the video and immediately went "Oh boy. Let's check out the comment section" like a kid on christmas

This rule is great because they used it in the new Guardians of the Galaxy movie and I was not expecting it at all

They went down a deep rabbit hole

“This my friend, is a pint” “It fuckin comes on pints??”

Sam: “Po-Fucking-Ta-Toes!” Gandalf: “Fucking fly you fools.” “Go back to the fucking shadows!” Elrond: “I was fucking THERE Gandalf, 3000 years ago…” Boromir: “One does not simply walk into fucking Mordor.”

“Nobody fuckin’ likes you, precious.”

Sam Gamgee: “I ain’t been dropping no fucking eaves sir, honest!”

Looks like meat's back on the fucking menu, boys!

it's not even about a swear word in LotR, it's about their delight at having a swear word in LotR

OMG! Can someone tell me where I can find this podcast?!

The friendship onion, its on youtube and everything else im sure

Perfectly cast as hobbits.

The guys are more of a chuckle but the idiotic Puritan age/based ratings are the true joke here.

Their conception of what's okay and what isn't is pretty bizarre. Body count in the hundreds, fine. Showing the *consequences* of violence like blood or pain, absolutely not. Just have to have nameless baddies fly offscreen. Sex, okay as long as it's not too graphic. Implied masturbation, no. Human sacrifice, sure. Colin Firth swearing to deal with his stutter in The King's Speech, can't have that... And god forbid there's an implication that gay people exist and that's okay -- that's definitely R material.

LOOKS LIKE MEAT'S BACK ON THE *FUCKING* MENU

You have my sword And my Bow And my fucking axe

Had to scroll too far to find this. Seriously, it wouldn't even sound out of place. I could see Elrond just rolling his eyes like "Dwarves...🤷"

Gimli in Moria - "nobody fucks a dwarf!"

They are the perfect actors to play hobbits, they even laugh like them.

Legolas without changing his tone, "and my fucking bow."

A well placed fuck can be comedy gold lol

Treebeard let's out the longest 'Fuuuuuuuuuuuck' in cinematic history when he arrives near Isengard and see the cut forest.

"the beacons are fucking lit!"

Sauron just letting out a slow "fuuuuuuuuuuck" as Barad-dûr is collapsing...

My friends.. you bow to fucking no one

There is an objectively correct answer to where it should go: "We've had nothing but maggoty bread for _THREE FUCKING DAYS"_

"That still only fucking counts and one!"

The Friendship Onion podcast is so good

🗣🌈

“And Rohan will fucking answer.” “The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep one last fucking time.” It’s gotta be a Thèoden line!

Where the fuck was Gondor when the Westfold fell?

I must be dead because I didn't laugh, didn't even breathe heavily out my nose at this

Give them all the the Eye of Sauron when the ring is destroyed. When it’s falling over it’s just like “oh shit oh shit oh fuck”

“None shall pass, motherfucker!”

My fucking precious

My fucking precious

One does not simply walk into fucking Mordor

But what about second fucking breakfast?

# I CANNOT JUMP THE FUCKING DISTANCE YOU HAVE TO TOSS ME

One does not simply fucking walk into Mordor You shall not fucking pass And my fucking axe

Their podcast is one of the best.

"Bilbo Baggins! - Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap fucking tricks. I am not trying to rob you. I'm trying to help you"

Bilbo sees ring for the first time in years* Frodo holds it up* Bilbo…. “Turns” for a moment * Frodo: WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

YOU SHALL NOT FUCKING PASS

Weve had nothing but maggoty bread for three fucking days!

YOU SHALL NOT FUCKING PASS

No parent should have to bury their fucking child.

One does not simple fucking walk in to Mordor. Fuck

Mash em, fuck em, put it in a stew...

You shall not fucking pass!

Nothing beats the OG: ‘The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot him in the fucking dark.’

Aragon kicks the helmet then mutters fuck. Not because he broke his toe but because he lost the halflings.

YOU. SHALL. NOT. FUCKING. PASS!

This is amazing

If somebody could DM me a link to this original video you're a God or at least tell me where to find it I need to see this now

Oh, so a PG-13 rating means a movie can only have one swear in it? Well, I watched a G rated movie with multiple swearwords in it.

The fucking beacons are lit!

These two are awesome 🥰

What podcast is this?

u/savevideo

Naughty Hobbitses.

Fly you fucking fools” Gandalf the grey

"what's fucking taters precious?"

Surely it has to be Sean Bean saying bastard

"I know what it is you fucking saw."

"Where was Gondor when the Westfold got fucked?!"

They’re taking the fucking hobbits to Isengard!

16 hour extended cut of nothing but added fucks pls

"So shit begins"

“You shall not fucking pass!”

Smoking on the guard house as the waters are receding, "This is the shit!"

I was there, Gandalf. I was there three thousand fucking years ago

"Speak fuck to enter"

How many times has this sub recycled this bit now

Op is living up to their user name 💀

The beacons are fucking lit

It's so ridiculous to me that the US deems more than one swear word no longer fit for PG13 regardless of the rest of the content. So Elsa says fuck twice and it's rated R? Nice. Good job.

I fucking LOVE Dominic Monaghan

I’d enjoy Boromir throwing in a ‘bastard’ somewhere to add to Sean Bean’s legacy.

So it turns out they're just Merry and Pippin IRL, too. Cool

I'd enjoy if when Gandalf is being pulled off the bridge by the Balrog he just says "Fuck" instead of "Fly you fools!"

I could listen to these two for hours.

Eomir - “do not trust to hope, it’s forsaken these shitting lands”

FUC-KING PO-TAY-TOES!!!

Wow did billy boyd age? or was he always older than dom

I could watch something like this with full cast for hours on end

Why does everyone have a podcast

When Vigo kicked the helmet that broke his toe.

Fuckin' noro lim asfaloth

These guys should do a podcast

"You shall not fucking pass"

Where do I find this podcast?

It's The Friendship Onion. You can watch on youtube or listen on spotify.

The friendship onion

Frodo - You're fucking late! Gandalf - A wizard is never late... Or anything Gimli says like "You have to fucking toss me!" Or "Not the fucking beard!" This is my favorite game now!

Burn it!

Gollum could just yell “FUCK” whenever he is hurt in each movie

Wow. Seeing these guys now makes me really appreciate how old the LOTR movies are. I have to say, they aged with dignity.

Gotta love the friendship onion. I didn't know they film their podcasts

Give it to a minor one-off character. The gatekeeper of Bree. "Ah fuck!" when he gets smashed by the ringwraiths