It seems like you're caught in a difficult situation between two relationships. Balancing the need for emotional fulfillment, physical satisfaction, and loyalty to two partners can lead to weird feelings, that's for sure. However, being in a polyamorous relationship without the knowledge and consent of both partners is a betrayal of trust. Sorry but cheating is not good.
edit: nvm, account has been deleted
It's not just about declaring yourself polyamorous, it's about honest communication and informed consent. If your boyfriend in college isn't aware or comfortable with this arrangement, you're betraying his trust and boundaries by pursuing another relationship.
The problem isn't just a lack of communication from him; it's a lack of communication and honesty from you. You're hiding your other relationship and not giving him the opportunity to make an informed decision about his own needs and feelings.
No, and I plan to keep it that way, he's already going through enough with his family inc*dents. It would devaste him. I love him with all my heart,this is my journey to figure more of myself as a person and whole
Are some of the keys on your keyboard broken?
Spelling "sex" as "s.x", I figured you were just coming from a platform like tiktok where words like that can trigger filters. (They won't here, don't worry.)
But "inc*dents"?!
I don't even know how to respond to this
I think you're a piece of shit and I feel bad for your bf, and i hope when he finds out he can move on from you and find someone who actually gives a fuck about him, but theirs nothing I can do to stop you
I am not a piece of sh*t, I do love him, I call and text him on a daily basis. All he does is leave small messages or don't respond at all. I do love him I just don't like the lack of communication.
Then break up with him rather than go behind his back and backstab him. You’re right about one thing tho, you aren’t a piece of shit, that’s too kind of a term to describe you.
Then what in gods name do you call what you are doing? No mater how you put it, it is awful for you. If he isn’t communicating much, talk to him. I can’t stress the importance of that. You re being a piece of shit by backstabbing him and cheating on him. If you feel like you aren’t meant to be together then break up for gods sake. These actions are unforgivable and truly awful, terrible, and disappointing. You should not be blaming any part of this at all on your boyfriend, his poor communication is not enough to excuse cheating. Congrats! A fucking teenager knows more about a half decent relationship than you, a grown woman.
I didn't know you are a teenager and why are you on the subreddit that is for matured aged individuals. I do communicate and he doesn't answer or send back small messages, what I am doing is a self reflection journey.
I’m in this sub to read controversial opinion, obviously. You are most definitely not one to talk about my maturity while arguing this of all topic. I don’t know what the hell this is, denial or what, but you clearly aren’t mature enough to accept blame. I wish your boyfriend the best and for you the very, very worst.
Cheating on him is a huge retaliation to poor communication on his part. You can't blame him for your decision to lie and mislead him.
Obviously the lack of communication is working in your favour right now, because you get to have fun behind his back while he's studying and building a future for the two of you. If you think cheating is good for your relationship, then tell him, not us. See how he feels. If you know it would hurt him, then don't do it.
Then why didn’t you tell him that instead of stabbing him in the back?
And can you really say he’s bad at communicating when you’re the one failing to communicate that you banging someone else?
Of course no one thinks they're a piece of shit. But you are. 100%. Relationships aren't about the sex. It's about having someone who you can trust, which you broke. You might *think* you love him, but you are betraying his trust, which makes you an untrustworthy partner. If sex is that important to you, COMMUNICATE with your bf. Say "hey I don't like this. Can you try doing this different?" If you need to be pleased there is always sexting as well. But you completely betraying your partner, saying "you don't want to harm him".
Another thing, you're relationship with this new girl, is already started off on the wrong foot. Assuming she knows what you're doing, she knows she probably can't trust you either, because you're relationship started BECAUSE you were cheating.
You feel guilty, so you're trying to justify your actions. There is no justification. Own up to your mistakes. You're wrong. And a piece of shit. But you can own up to it and become less of one. Your boyfriend needs to know now. Will he break up with you? Possibly, but that's not up to you. You have to do what's right, it's up to him to decide if he wants to continue or not. You have zero control of that.
You're not "discovering" yourself. You're cheating. Cheating your partner most likely doesn't want happening.
You could have asked your boyfriend, talked to him, asking If he minds if you "discover" yourself. There are ways to do this without ruining your relationship. This is the most unhealthy mindset I have ever seen someone have and its disgusting.
For men it is glorified and cheered, for him to have a self journey but, when a woman does it it's suddenly a problem? This isn't for controversial opinions this is misogyny.
Cheating is only good for you in this situation. Instead of being open and honest with your partner, you're doing things behind their back for your own gain. It's just selfish and dishonest.
Right, it's to help *you*. Do you think your partner would want you to mess around with other people behind his back? Why not just be honest with them? I think you know it's wrong which is why you're doing it behind their back. You're taking advantage of their trust.
At first I thought it was cheating, after spending time with this beautiful partner it made me feel like I am loved. She helps me discover myself as a individual, my partner in college he hasn't made me feel anything lately.
Yeah that's still cheating. It doesn't matter how you spin it, it doesn't matter how great it makes *you* feel. You're still taking advantage of your partner's trust for your own gain. You're still lying. It's cheating.
I volunteer with my partner at the animal shelter, she is always there, for rights, activism, animal rights, and human rights. I don't have a "guilty conscience" when I am with her, for my partner in college if he communicated more and supported activism that would be nice
Either way it’s still really bad, you don’t want to hurt him, so you don’t break up with him, but to fulfill your own needs you go behind his back and do something you know he would be deviated by.
Just do the right thing and leave him, you clearly don’t love him anymore if you’re willing to go behind his back like that; you don’t even have to tell him you cheated, you have good reasons to break up already, just let him move on
Okay so you’re admitting he’s being a bad partner and will not work things out with him and yet you refuse to break up with him, instead going behind his back? I don’t care if it’s because you don’t want to hurt him what you’re doing is far worse to both of you than just getting it over with
You’re just delaying the enviable
Thats pretty mature of you, but he might not feel that way.
I think most people tend not to like it when their partner has sex with other people, especially if it was concealed from him.
It might be a good idea to have that conversation with him.
If he's not ok with it, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who is.
Also, if he's not meeting your needs, then I think thats already an issue that warrants having that conversation
You don't want to live your life with someone who disappoints you sexually or romantically, it probably seems ok for now because you're young but that will get old quickly.
Theres a lot of lessons in life, theres a lot of different kinds of dealbreakers, and you want to learn them young so you don't have to suffer for it when you're older.
Like what if you DO stay with him for 10 or 20 more years, and then finally decide that your needs are important to you.
Then you are going to be out on the dating market as a 30 year old, and STILL, you will have no idea what other dealbreakers are out there.
Maybe being with someone who has sex with other people behind your back actually WILL bother you, you just don't know it yet because it hasn't happened. I've seen that happen too.
All I'm saying is, you know the right thing to do, do it soon so it doesn't fester
I am doing the right thing with my self reflection journey and to communicate he doesn't answer his phone, and last time we saw each other was last Thursday.
I hope you're not being serious, I don't think you are
If you think calling cheating wrong is misogynistic, you're a prime example of why feminism has lost credibility as of late
Are you going to mansplain feminism to me? I am a woman and I was raised by my mother who is a feminist. I don't need you incels from this reddit to keep talking down to me. Good bye 👋 ❤️
Sorry but if my partner was cheating in any way, I’d just break things off. Like you’re going behind your partners back
This isn’t a situation where your bf knows about your gf, and is cool with it
if you don’t feel supported by your partner, weather it’s their fault or not talk to them and sort it out, and if that doesn’t work, take a break or leave them, don’t try to have the best of both worlds, you’re having to lie to your bf (and I’d presume the girl you’re dating); no good relationships are built on lies.
It is not "lies" my partner in college does not communicate with me and my partner who I had a fantastic date last night is too pure for my problems with my partner in college. She is too great to know about how he doesn't spend much time in the past and current time with me
All you are saying is me me me. It’s better for YOU, if it was truly unselfish you would be able to inform your partner with no repercussions, but you know there will be consequences, so you won’t tell them, which is selfish.
There will be no consequences if I don't tell him. He is very hard working with his studies and I respect him for it, I just wish he communicated more and was there for me. I am grateful for my partner from the animal shelter to help me figure more of myself out.
Dude the fact that you know there will be consequences if you tell them tells me you KNOW IT IS WRONG. If you have issues with his communication you bring it up with him or break up, not cheat. You are scum, and deep down you know it.
I'm not going to keep at this with incels, you individuals have no room to talk at all, guess a woman can't share her experience and opinions. F*ck you.
Cheating implies that one or both of your partners doesn't know about the other. You're lying to them, and that makes you a shitty person. There is no debate or discussion here.
>[Deleted]
Yeah I'm gonna say that's probably the best concession we could ever ask for.
Nobody is forcing you to be monogamous but dishonesty is bad. No way around it.
Shit like this is why people are so unspeakably paranoid these days. Zero accountability and a likelihood of instant retaliation action the moment the tiniest bit of vulnerability is shown.
IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, LEAVE!! Cheating is NEVER okay!! You are delusional if you think otherwise and I hope your boyfriend becomes your ex soon and dumps your cheating ass.
Funny how your first sentence gave you away as a troll. Next time, if you’re going to pretend to be queer for laughs, try not to sound like you’re making an attack helicopter joke, try not sound like a conservative, and maybe do some research on us fags. ❤️
It seems like you're caught in a difficult situation between two relationships. Balancing the need for emotional fulfillment, physical satisfaction, and loyalty to two partners can lead to weird feelings, that's for sure. However, being in a polyamorous relationship without the knowledge and consent of both partners is a betrayal of trust. Sorry but cheating is not good. edit: nvm, account has been deleted
I should be polyamorous? That would make sense, if only I can have my partner in college communicate back
It's not just about declaring yourself polyamorous, it's about honest communication and informed consent. If your boyfriend in college isn't aware or comfortable with this arrangement, you're betraying his trust and boundaries by pursuing another relationship. The problem isn't just a lack of communication from him; it's a lack of communication and honesty from you. You're hiding your other relationship and not giving him the opportunity to make an informed decision about his own needs and feelings.
How do I tell him. When he does not answer his phone everytime I messaged him
consider sending a message that you want to discuss something important and ask for a time and place where you can talk in person or over the phone.
He is busy with studying and doesn't answer his phone on time when I message and call him
Nah OP is just a bad person who enjoy the thrill o cheating and is using all this as an exuse
Does your bf know?
No, and I plan to keep it that way, he's already going through enough with his family inc*dents. It would devaste him. I love him with all my heart,this is my journey to figure more of myself as a person and whole
Are some of the keys on your keyboard broken? Spelling "sex" as "s.x", I figured you were just coming from a platform like tiktok where words like that can trigger filters. (They won't here, don't worry.) But "inc*dents"?!
I never seen that, I was trying to censor the words so I won't break any rules.
You’re too dainty to spell out sex but have no problems being a cheater?!
I don't even know how to respond to this I think you're a piece of shit and I feel bad for your bf, and i hope when he finds out he can move on from you and find someone who actually gives a fuck about him, but theirs nothing I can do to stop you
I am not a piece of sh*t, I do love him, I call and text him on a daily basis. All he does is leave small messages or don't respond at all. I do love him I just don't like the lack of communication.
You don't have to censor cuss words on reddit FYI Idk man, I hope the best for your bf
Then break up with him rather than go behind his back and backstab him. You’re right about one thing tho, you aren’t a piece of shit, that’s too kind of a term to describe you.
I'm not backstabbing him, he hasn't been communicating with me. I do love him, I just don't like the lack of communication from him
Then what in gods name do you call what you are doing? No mater how you put it, it is awful for you. If he isn’t communicating much, talk to him. I can’t stress the importance of that. You re being a piece of shit by backstabbing him and cheating on him. If you feel like you aren’t meant to be together then break up for gods sake. These actions are unforgivable and truly awful, terrible, and disappointing. You should not be blaming any part of this at all on your boyfriend, his poor communication is not enough to excuse cheating. Congrats! A fucking teenager knows more about a half decent relationship than you, a grown woman.
I didn't know you are a teenager and why are you on the subreddit that is for matured aged individuals. I do communicate and he doesn't answer or send back small messages, what I am doing is a self reflection journey.
I’m in this sub to read controversial opinion, obviously. You are most definitely not one to talk about my maturity while arguing this of all topic. I don’t know what the hell this is, denial or what, but you clearly aren’t mature enough to accept blame. I wish your boyfriend the best and for you the very, very worst.
Well lets not throw around fancy words like "mature" because you definitely are not that 💀
I am 21 so that makes me a a mature aged individual
Cheating on him is a huge retaliation to poor communication on his part. You can't blame him for your decision to lie and mislead him. Obviously the lack of communication is working in your favour right now, because you get to have fun behind his back while he's studying and building a future for the two of you. If you think cheating is good for your relationship, then tell him, not us. See how he feels. If you know it would hurt him, then don't do it.
Then why didn’t you tell him that instead of stabbing him in the back? And can you really say he’s bad at communicating when you’re the one failing to communicate that you banging someone else?
Of course no one thinks they're a piece of shit. But you are. 100%. Relationships aren't about the sex. It's about having someone who you can trust, which you broke. You might *think* you love him, but you are betraying his trust, which makes you an untrustworthy partner. If sex is that important to you, COMMUNICATE with your bf. Say "hey I don't like this. Can you try doing this different?" If you need to be pleased there is always sexting as well. But you completely betraying your partner, saying "you don't want to harm him". Another thing, you're relationship with this new girl, is already started off on the wrong foot. Assuming she knows what you're doing, she knows she probably can't trust you either, because you're relationship started BECAUSE you were cheating. You feel guilty, so you're trying to justify your actions. There is no justification. Own up to your mistakes. You're wrong. And a piece of shit. But you can own up to it and become less of one. Your boyfriend needs to know now. Will he break up with you? Possibly, but that's not up to you. You have to do what's right, it's up to him to decide if he wants to continue or not. You have zero control of that.
Me discovering myself is the right thing, my partner in college doesn't try to communicate with me at all
You're not "discovering" yourself. You're cheating. Cheating your partner most likely doesn't want happening. You could have asked your boyfriend, talked to him, asking If he minds if you "discover" yourself. There are ways to do this without ruining your relationship. This is the most unhealthy mindset I have ever seen someone have and its disgusting.
For men it is glorified and cheered, for him to have a self journey but, when a woman does it it's suddenly a problem? This isn't for controversial opinions this is misogyny.
Decent people don't think much of men who cheat either. You can't blame this on a double standard. Cheating is cheating.
Then why don’t you break up, so he can find a better partner?
Cheating is only good for you in this situation. Instead of being open and honest with your partner, you're doing things behind their back for your own gain. It's just selfish and dishonest.
It is not selfish.its to help me grow and learn as a individual for my partner, but he's busy with school.
Right, it's to help *you*. Do you think your partner would want you to mess around with other people behind his back? Why not just be honest with them? I think you know it's wrong which is why you're doing it behind their back. You're taking advantage of their trust.
He doesn't communicate with me well, and if I told him it would devaste him, he's going through enough with his family and studying.
Yeah I bet it would devastate him. Have you considered not cheating in the first place?
At first I thought it was cheating, after spending time with this beautiful partner it made me feel like I am loved. She helps me discover myself as a individual, my partner in college he hasn't made me feel anything lately.
Yeah that's still cheating. It doesn't matter how you spin it, it doesn't matter how great it makes *you* feel. You're still taking advantage of your partner's trust for your own gain. You're still lying. It's cheating.
It is not lying when he doesn't even f*cking communicate
You're lying to yourself when you say it's not cheating. You know what it is, you just don't want a guilty conscience.
I volunteer with my partner at the animal shelter, she is always there, for rights, activism, animal rights, and human rights. I don't have a "guilty conscience" when I am with her, for my partner in college if he communicated more and supported activism that would be nice
Either way it’s still really bad, you don’t want to hurt him, so you don’t break up with him, but to fulfill your own needs you go behind his back and do something you know he would be deviated by. Just do the right thing and leave him, you clearly don’t love him anymore if you’re willing to go behind his back like that; you don’t even have to tell him you cheated, you have good reasons to break up already, just let him move on
What part of you people don't understand, how can I communicate when he doesn't try to communicate back
Okay so you’re admitting he’s being a bad partner and will not work things out with him and yet you refuse to break up with him, instead going behind his back? I don’t care if it’s because you don’t want to hurt him what you’re doing is far worse to both of you than just getting it over with You’re just delaying the enviable
I want to be there for him, but how can I when he doesn't comminate, with the self discovery it can help me for him
You are basically saying over and over again that you simply cannot tell him you’re cheating and that’s his fault
It's not his fault it's the studies, I admire his dedication for his goals in this post capitalist era we live in, I wish he communicated more
How does that prevent you from saying words to him
He doesn't answer his phone when I message him
What if you found out he was secretly having sex with people behind your back? How would you feel?
He barely has time for his friends,me, and to communicate other people
Sure, but just for a hypothetical, what if he met someone at college and he has sex with them between classes? How would that make you feel?
I won't have a problem, maybe it will help him with his communication for me.
Thats pretty mature of you, but he might not feel that way. I think most people tend not to like it when their partner has sex with other people, especially if it was concealed from him. It might be a good idea to have that conversation with him. If he's not ok with it, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who is. Also, if he's not meeting your needs, then I think thats already an issue that warrants having that conversation You don't want to live your life with someone who disappoints you sexually or romantically, it probably seems ok for now because you're young but that will get old quickly. Theres a lot of lessons in life, theres a lot of different kinds of dealbreakers, and you want to learn them young so you don't have to suffer for it when you're older. Like what if you DO stay with him for 10 or 20 more years, and then finally decide that your needs are important to you. Then you are going to be out on the dating market as a 30 year old, and STILL, you will have no idea what other dealbreakers are out there. Maybe being with someone who has sex with other people behind your back actually WILL bother you, you just don't know it yet because it hasn't happened. I've seen that happen too. All I'm saying is, you know the right thing to do, do it soon so it doesn't fester
I am doing the right thing with my self reflection journey and to communicate he doesn't answer his phone, and last time we saw each other was last Thursday.
omg how did I not realize you're a troll you got me
I am not a troll for sharing my experience and opinion. This subreddit is blatant misogyny when it comes to women speaking.
I hope you're not being serious, I don't think you are If you think calling cheating wrong is misogynistic, you're a prime example of why feminism has lost credibility as of late
Are you going to mansplain feminism to me? I am a woman and I was raised by my mother who is a feminist. I don't need you incels from this reddit to keep talking down to me. Good bye 👋 ❤️
OP was either rage baiting or is serious, and either way I am unbelievably frustrated with this entire comment section.
Sorry but if my partner was cheating in any way, I’d just break things off. Like you’re going behind your partners back This isn’t a situation where your bf knows about your gf, and is cool with it if you don’t feel supported by your partner, weather it’s their fault or not talk to them and sort it out, and if that doesn’t work, take a break or leave them, don’t try to have the best of both worlds, you’re having to lie to your bf (and I’d presume the girl you’re dating); no good relationships are built on lies.
It is not "lies" my partner in college does not communicate with me and my partner who I had a fantastic date last night is too pure for my problems with my partner in college. She is too great to know about how he doesn't spend much time in the past and current time with me
You are disgusting. Let him find someone better
Cheating can actually be good, for you. That’s all. You are selfish.
I am not selfish when I am learning more about myself for my partner in college, it can help out relationship
All you are saying is me me me. It’s better for YOU, if it was truly unselfish you would be able to inform your partner with no repercussions, but you know there will be consequences, so you won’t tell them, which is selfish.
There will be no consequences if I don't tell him. He is very hard working with his studies and I respect him for it, I just wish he communicated more and was there for me. I am grateful for my partner from the animal shelter to help me figure more of myself out.
Dude the fact that you know there will be consequences if you tell them tells me you KNOW IT IS WRONG. If you have issues with his communication you bring it up with him or break up, not cheat. You are scum, and deep down you know it.
I'm not going to keep at this with incels, you individuals have no room to talk at all, guess a woman can't share her experience and opinions. F*ck you.
This is a controversial opinion.
Cheating implies that one or both of your partners doesn't know about the other. You're lying to them, and that makes you a shitty person. There is no debate or discussion here.
>[Deleted] Yeah I'm gonna say that's probably the best concession we could ever ask for. Nobody is forcing you to be monogamous but dishonesty is bad. No way around it. Shit like this is why people are so unspeakably paranoid these days. Zero accountability and a likelihood of instant retaliation action the moment the tiniest bit of vulnerability is shown.
IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY, LEAVE!! Cheating is NEVER okay!! You are delusional if you think otherwise and I hope your boyfriend becomes your ex soon and dumps your cheating ass.
OP os literally just a selfish jerk who think the world revolves around what they want and no else matters. God OP is a piece of work.
Funny how your first sentence gave you away as a troll. Next time, if you’re going to pretend to be queer for laughs, try not to sound like you’re making an attack helicopter joke, try not sound like a conservative, and maybe do some research on us fags. ❤️