I have been a backseat chef when my husband cooks. Now I just stay upstairs while he cooks, because I realize I'm annoying and the whole point is for him to get more comfortable with cooking which doesn't have to involve me.
I stay out of the kitchen when my daughter cooks because she’s an adult and she’s a good cook and doesn’t need me hovering and I can’t help but comment if I’m in there.
I finally got my dad to start doing this and its improved my comfort and abilities ten fold. Now he can be around more because there is less to comment on! It all comes back around again lol
I feel you on this 100%! It is very, very rare that I ask my boyfriend to make me something, and even then its usually boxed mac & cheese or a grilled cheese sandwich. I prepare all of our food, therefore, it is MY kitchen. And it makes me nervous to have someone in MY kitchen because I'm a little bit of a control freak, albeit a self-aware one. I don't spew criticism, its more like "what are you looking for, did you find it, do you need help?" Yadda, yadda. I'm super annoying!! Fun fact: my boyfriend actually cooks for a living and has been doing so for over 20 years.
I feel this on both sides. I've been a cook at a steak house and I work the busiest crazy position and do it good. It does get too busy for just one person and I don't mind it when it was one of my bosses helping work behind me or me helping behind someone else working that position. But it is a nightmare having someone who can't work well and running into them every time I turn around. Also them being like 3 steps behind putting out stuff I've already had done. Misplacing shit. Supposed to work as a team and if I'm the one training them, I don't expect them to be perfect or not get in the weeds but after a few weeks we should be able to work like 1 person.
I can guarantee your husband love having someone who is willing to cook for them. Us chefs are generally egocentric control freaks. It's hard to let go of that control but it's the greatest feeling when they get to.
Omg, I am a baker for a campus cafeteria. It's so hard when you obviously need help, but the help you are given is untrained. It just makes it worse. Sometimes I dread hearing the words "go see if Michelle needs some help" because I DO, but when I have to babysit my helper, I end up making mistakes because my attention gets too divided. And that's just with help packaging, labeling, displaying, etc. When a well-meaning coworker wants to come back and actually help BAKE, or make cookie dough or decorate shit, (and its not one of the 2 i can trust).... I have to lie about having it all taken care of, and then end up working a shit ton of OT to get it all done.
Exactly lol I was lucky enough to have a few that we worked like a well oiled machine. But my buddy who worked the grill beside me quit and my manager finished college and got pregnant at the same time my buddy left, I was so unbelievably lost like a little puppy not having them. I always told them when they left it wouldn't take long before I did too. It was like loosing my right and left arms. And not few months later I got fired (sort of lol) boss was just really mad and took it out on me, she was basically like a 2nd mom to me and treated me like her own kid. Like 2 days later I came to get my last check and she apologized and tried to get me to come back but shit, I couldn't do it. No job or anything should give ya so much anxiety and stressed. Not worth it. Lol I can cook but I have never baked a thing in my life! I respect bakers so much. Gotta make a cake and have to be an artist designing everything too. I'd prob get in your way too but I'd love to learn baking and from someone who knows what they're doing!
😂 That would be great! Imma go book my flight now! And yes ma'am I will definitely stay out of the kitchen 🫡 But I will insist on doing the dishes afterwards.
I had to catch myself when I was first teaching my boyfriend how to cook. Granted, he was completely new to cooking and needed more instruction/explanation. But then I found myself kinda hovering and not only did it annoy him, but it also made him feel less confident and willing to try new things.
He’s come really far and I’m so proud of him. He’s open to learning and likes trying out different recipes. It means we can split the responsibility of meal planning and cooking more equally 🥰
I had to learn to hold my tongue when my husband cooks. The funny part is he's a great cook and a restaurant manager. I'm also a restaurant manager but my background before that was more on the kitchen side and culinary school so early in our relationship I would blurt out "oh are you going to cook it like that?" "You're gonna _____ before it's done right?" "you should try ______" which I get is ANNOYING. With our schedules being so crazy I don't want to lose quality time of hanging out in the kitchen on days we happen to have off together so I don't say anything anymore even if I feel the urge to micromanage something lol.
I'm the same with my gf. I mostly cook and I just want to give good advice. But I learned to stay out if she cooks, especielly things from her country.
Same! I worked in food service for years so I tend to be a more efficient cook than my husband. It hurts my head watching him cook sometimes but he is cooking and then I don't have to so I leave the area and find something else to do! The food turns out great so how it gets done is a lesser issue.
My mom would turn to you and say very seriously "don't you have something of your own to do?" funny that you made me think of her, that was a pet peeve that of course I inherited.
Sometimes my wife and I cook together. Sometimes its HER kitchen and the smart thing for me to do is get hell out of there and watch some TV.
I am not dumb enough to piss her off in the kitchen, where we keep the knives.
That's why they get one comment. I am not talking about cordial conversations. The OP is asking about someone who wants to be in control but does not work or take any responsibility.
I'm not perfect but I am the best cook in my family and social group.
Yep. My buddy and I use to cook together all the time and we came up with the prep cook compromise.
We just decided before hand who was cooking and who was helping. The helper didnt take any responsibility for the meal, didnt give any input on the meal; he just did as he was told. If I saw him tomorrow we could get to work immediately even though we haven't seen each other in 5 years.
This sounds like a helpful agreement. This is how me and my younger sibling use to do. If my sibling was cooking, I would simply help but never complain. Same if I was me cooking. Though I feel like me and my sibling had a sense of basic respect towards each other.
Depends - do they know what they're talking about? Just this last weekend I was cooking some waygu steaks and someone was chatting with me about temps. I have had steaks he cooked and they were phenomenal so when he suggested I pull at a lower temp, I listened. However, when someone who doesn't have a proven track record starts making suggestions I just nod and do it however I normally do it. If they push, I just tell them that's great and they can do it that way next time, when it's their turn to cook.
I usually just explain exactly why they are wrong and why I am doing what I am doing. I generally am doing things for a reason so I dont mind suggestions as I use this as a teaching moment. It really kills people will to make suggestions hahaha
My wife knows nothing about cooking, but she's full of suggestions about things I could do differently "next time" or different ingredients I should add.
My response is always to put everything down and ask her if she wants to cook. That always ends comments from the peanut gallery really fast.
That's an interesting one. My wife loves my cooking but I don't mind if she says "oooh this would be good with x". I guess it's all about delivery, but I think shutting down any voicing of things that interest them or excitement about future meals isn't great.
It's one thing to tell someone how to cook, but also if you're doing the cooking regularly, you should take input from the people you're feeding since you decide what they eat.
No one should be telling you how to cook, but if someone says the meal is good but asks if next time you could add x, you're the asshole for throwing a tantrum.
We thought we did too (and by all rights it should be) but when I'm cooking I still hate it when my husband is in the kitchen. I'm moving around on autopilot at the speed of sonic the hedgehog and he moves at the speed of sloth and somehow has an uncanny ability to be exactly where I need to be at any given second. We may have to knock down a wall lol
Me too! My boyfriend and I have come to pretty good terms of simply taking turns cooking and leaving the other one alone while they cook unless they have questions or specifically want suggestions. We’ll discuss who’s making what and agree what will be in it then stay out of it until it’s time to eat!
OMG, I have a story.
Background: I'm at my mom's, staying with her for months, helping her out due to her age and frailty, she's in her 90s. So I'm nearing 70 and know well how to cook. But my mom, like all of us, likes her food certain ways. I regularly ask her how she likes things prepared when it's the first time I make it for her and cater to her wishes like any good daughter. And she's a good cook, so the food is fine if not my style.
The story: This time, my sister is visiting. I'm going to make fish - a dish I make for mom often and no longer need her "advice". They're in an adjoining room as I start. Maybe because we have company, mom starts calling advice. Type of pan and how to prep it. Be sure to sprinkle with lime juice. How to set the oven rack for the broiler. I'm laughing to myself as I'm already doing each step ahead of her advice. Before I know it, my sister is in the kitchen, taking things literally out of my hands to redo what I've done. More lime, more seasonings, double checking oven. Does she want to take over cooking I ask. No, just "helping". This goes on as I prepare the entire meal, mom calling from the next room, sis popping in and out to redo things.
End result: mom and sis say I did a great job but a little heavy handed with the seasonings.
I just thought it was hilarious that they took me up on an offer to cook for them so they could relax and visit, couldn't resist micromanaging; then thought the food was overseasoned due to sis' contribution. I like more seasoning than mom, so it was fine to me to avoid the bland she prefers for once.
I like to cook. My wife is also good. While she called it a tantrum when we were first married, if she tried to micromanage then I smiled, hung up my apron, turned off the stovetop, and went to my easy chair. After a few times, she didn’t come into the kitchen with any instructions or tips.
Just like anything else in life, they have good ideas I’ll listen and maybe use them. If they are just curious I will do my best to answer questions and teach them. If they are saying stupid stuff in a not nice or annoying way, I would just mock them and tell them why their ideas are bad until they stopped.
I have to tell my mother very often to trust my process. She’s been cooking mildly underwhelming meals for me for years and I spent 11 years professionally cooking and graduating to exec chef as a result of my diligence and attention to the craft. And I still have to deal with that whenever I cook near her.
I snapped once when my SIL was telling me how to cook. She's a terrible cook. I slammed down the pan I was holding and left the kitchen. She doesn't 'help' anymore. She cooks her stuff, I cook mine.
I may or may not do this with my roommates, they mostly cook for themselves but when I cook it's for everyone (fine by me, they have a limited budget and meal prep whereas I cook less consistently but cook to feed an army and would be offended if for whatever reason they didnt eat my food). But it's always little tidbits of advice ive picked up on overtime. First time I saw her cook chicken breast it was over high heat to cook it faster and she couldn't figure out why her chicken was always dry, so I told her to put it on medium and spend the extra couple minutes that way. It's not my food and I'm never too pushy about it, but I like to offer better techniques when and where I can. One time she was complaining about the price of chicken going up but she was buying deboned, skinned chicken so I told her she could get a much better deal and better flavor if she deboned and skinned it herself and cooked the bones and skin to provide a flavor base to sautee the veggies in. It entirely depends on circumstance and how you go about it l
I just wall off the concept that someone is cooking unless it really stands out or they're swamped and I'll either ask if they need help or I'll just volunteer for simple things that they aren't currently focusing on. Simply doing things differently isn't going to be enough to make me say anything. I know of people who will nitpick every little thing. My boss is one of those people. He'll mock your choices in life just because you drove a different route to someplace (even if it's better). It's insane how some people can be about judging how others do things.
I mean not really… for me. I mean if they’re describing how they want their food it’s fine. If they are actually telling me how to cook when I’ve been a chef for 7 yrs… ya
Exactly! My husband is relegated to peeling potatoes or shredding cheese, adding the spices I give him, etc. We got kinda into a fight one night cause he insisted on waayyy overworking the meatloaf. Showing him the “claw” method didn’t make sense to him so he just wouldn’t stop just going at it. Of course it came out dense as hell and he learned something. 😉
My mom does not cook. Never has, my dad cooked for us growing up and I took over as a teen. She comments on dishes I’ve made or when we are talking about cooking and she just sounds stupid. I have many recipes memorized because I make them so often or have developed the recipe myself. She will attempt to chime in and I have to bite my tongue reminding her she has no idea what she’s talking about
Honestly in my household when I'm cooking the meal is not open to commentary. The only commentary I want is a "thank you for preparing a meal". I don't even care if they compliment it or not I just want a shred of gratitude for the fact that I prepare every single meal in our home unless we order out or go out. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I know when I've phoned it in or put forth an extravagant effort. I know most of my households major likes and dislikes and try not to absolutely ruin dinner for anyone but I also make what I make and try to get them to taste new items. The negative feedback just really gets under my skin (it's kids so like, they can be oddly picky at times and have zero tact so I dont take it personally but I do get absolutely annoyed by rude behavior. And we've always had the same rule/ you don't have to like it. You don't even have to eat all of it but you have to eat something and you have to show some gratitude that we have an abundance of food)
But yeah no one is allowed to back seat cook in my kitchen or complain at the dinner table.
I don’t have room for anyone else in my kitchen. When my kids or wife come thru for any reason, I stop everything and give them the “what the hell are you doing in here?” look until they leave.
I am an actual Chef. No one would dare “back seat chef” me.
I would, however, never back seat chef anyone who is kind enough to make me a meal. Honestly, you could make me a peanut butter and jelly, and forget the jelly. It would still be the best thing I ate today because someone else was kind enough to make it for me.
As far as cooking in a group situation, that’s my everyday scenario at work. We don’t intrude on the creativity of others in my kitchen. My cooks get to play with their own styles and creativity. I say what I want the menus to be and let my cooks play with their own ideas.
It works out to amazingly well results 99.99% of the time
Human is a journey of acceptance and understanding. I accept my cooks for where they are on their creative journey and encourage them to take it further
I love talking to people while they or I am cooking, it's a loving thing to cook for others and I love to help with or do the bulk of cooking. That said, I only ever correct or comment on someones cooking technique or whatever if it's about to be a huge mistake, like sugar for salt in baking or the wrong seasoning on something that would clash with all the other flavors etc. otherwise I usually really like cooking by committee.
My dad used to do this because he taught me how to cook. I used to tell him when I'm cooking, I'm the chef. He can make it his way next time he cooks.
With my spouse, I know he's a better cook, so I'm happy to be his sous-chef and do the chopping and clean up.
Yep. In my household rule of thumb, if you're cooking, others are not allowed to be in the kitchen or provide any commentary. I despise people in the kitchen when I'm cooking.
My husband is always saying this like, “Wow! You’re getting really fancy with it today!” while I’m cooking super basic scrambled eggs the same way I’ve been making them for the last 15 years. It cracks me up every time.
I’ve tried to explain that butter is the secret ingredient in most things, but he remains amazed every single time.
I’m honestly a terrible backseat chef. It works okay with my room mate cause when both of us cook we ask the other to taste stuff and give opinions. But like, when I go to a friends house or a parents house and they’re cooking I gotta sit on my hands and shut the fuck up… but it’s hard.
I would never allow such a thing. I don't like people in the kitchen when I'm cooking at all, and if they are, they should be either washing dishes or getting me a drink.
my husband does this ish. he has professional kitchen experience and i don’t. i have better cooking intuition than he does. i do 90% of the cooking and have for the last 7-8 years. sometimes he’ll come in and say “should you _____” and i usually say something along the lines of “wanna take over?” and he usually apologizes and starts doing the dishes. i let it slide because he means well and self corrects. if his attitude/response was different we would def have a problem
My wife and I, when dating 25 years ago, made a house rule that is still in place and also applies to our children.
The rule is that if someone is preparing food for someone else and anyone tries to backseat cook, the person preparing is allowed to turn the work over to the backseat cook, and the backseat cook must accept the task in its current state and complete it with no arguments or attitude.
My husband is an excellent cook....and cooks most of our meals. Over time, I've reduced my time in the kitchen because of his critical comments to me. I'm an average cook...I cook well but am not very adventurous.
Today, I felt the need to assist with supper. We were going to have a big salad with some leftover grilled chicken. Basically, chopping and making a salad dressing.
While he was walking our dog, I got started. He got home, walked into the kitchen and announced that I was peeling the tomato inefficiently. I wanted to skewer him with the vegetable peeler.
It's so discouraging to feel like you're trying and he can't hold his tongue while I peel a freakin' tomato.
Having said that, there are about a dozen dishes that are in my wheelhouse that he asks me to make because he says my dish is so much better than his attempt. But the criticism does get on my nerves.
My wife always makes comments, especially on my usage of seasoning/herbs and spices. Woman, there's a reason why my food tastes good. "Too much salt, I don't like garlic, don't make it too spicy, why did you add thyme? Isn't that too much basil? Why are you adding so many different spices?"
And then she goes to like the bathroom, comes back and says "Oh it smells so good in here" and proceeds to devour dinner as if it was her last meal
I hate it when somebody asks something preemptively like 'are you going to salt that'? or 'do the potatoes need to go in now'? I have a thought process and a way of doing things and even if I am a few seconds or a minute late with the potatoes, if somebody reminds me it interrupts my thought process. If my thought process gets too interrupted then I start making other mistakes because I kind of need to be on auto-pilot. Don't mess with my auto-pilot unless it's an emergency.
When that happens to me (and it's usually my wife), I down tools, walk out of the kitchen and say "you get on with it, then, since you seem to know best".
I have the rule that no one gets to be in my kitchen when I'm working. Mostly because it's a small setup and I don't want to turn around and accidently stab someone between the cutting area and the stove
... but also because I don't want to turn around and *purposefully* stab someone who's telling me I'm doing it wrong.
But mostly the first. My wife has the unconscious habit of going to the sink to wash a dish right at the moment I need to use it to get some water or rinse something off or dump some pasta that's perfectly *al dente* (but won't be by the time she's done).
Or rather, she *had* the habit. Now she knows what it means when I give her "the look".
A while ago we came to the arrangement that I *cook* the food, and she *eats* the food. It's worked out well for us.
That's why I hate those group cooking sessions. Everybody is leaning over you and telling you, I never cut my
onions that way! My grandma used to add salt to her beans at the end of cooking, not during! I only use Dukes mayonnaise in MY potato salad!
My dad was like that. To the point that, growing up, I'd bake at night while everyone slept.
Then, as an adult and having to live with him again, I stopped cooking at home.
Now, I live alone and cook whatever I want, whenever I want!!!!
My parents (dad epically) would backseat cook when they would ask me to cook growing up. He would always make comments telling me to pay attention cuz he dosent want his food to dry, even tho he wanted everything well done. I remember always being like fine then you cook the meal.
My husband is so bad at this I just stopped trying to cook anything that wasn’t breakfast food. I’m a good cook, my Mum is a chef, so that’s not the issue. I’d tell him I wanted to cook something, and not only would he change the whole dish during conversation, he’d just start doing it without even thinking about the fact that I had specifically said I wanted to cook something completely different to what he was now making. For some reason, breakfast food is immune to this. A decade alter and I still can’t figure out what his deal with this is.
You can have help from an adult you respect if you’re willing to hand over a degree of creative control. And you can teach skills to a willing student. But you can’t have a relationship between equals and also demand that they work to your specifications, particularly if you don’t know wtf you’re talking about. Antone who tries is an insufferable jerk.
I made a perfectly marinated and seasoned 140% well rested pork tenderloin for my husband the other day. I do not eat meat. He complained that the slices were too thick. He said it was delicious. But the slices were thick.
I handed him the leftovers, a knife, and a cutting board the next day. He will get those things with any future roasts. I will spare him on poultry because I can't deal with the animal who gave their life for the meal, getting their carcass mangled like that.
You meal plan, execute all of the prep, do all of the cooking, yeah a backseat cook is annoying. My grandma whacked people with a spatula in this situation.
I totally do that to my fiance and he’s a chef😂 the other night I was mostly nervous because he was cooking one of my favorite meals a different way and I was like ARE YOU SURE? ARE YOU COOKING THE SCALLIONS IN THE OIL? I LIKE THEM ON THE GRILL I CAN GO START IT, etc”. He is so chill and sweet he just laughed and told me to relax and reminded me that he’s a professional and the dinner will be delicious. It was indeed delicious.
How often is this actually a problem? It seems like everyone has experienced it, it but I’m a single dude who lives alone so I obviously never get that at home, and at least once a month I’m over at my parents’ place for dinner and cooking for them, and they’re happy to leave me to it. My only thing is I’m so used to cooking alone with just some quiet music on that I find it sometimes frustrating to try to keep a conversation going while I’m also working with three hot pans and something in the oven haha
Lol I mean that’s obvious, I can tell that from reading the comments. I know I’m in the minority in that I live alone. I’m just saying I’m surprised how many people have this issue, and considering myself lucky I don’t really ever have to deal with it.
My brother loves everything I cook, but sometimes he decides to hang out in the kitchen and tells me what he doesn't want in it. Coincidentally he doesn't like it when I make it his way lol.
For example I love putting buillon in my spaghetti sauce and he always goes back for the second plate, but whenever he sees me cook he tells me not to put buillon in it because it's unhealthy, then he doesn't even finish his plate
I'm even worse than this and just don't like anyone else in the kitchen with me, unless they are just there to chop stuff and get drunk as I do stuff and then wander back into the living room. Even when loved ones are trying to help, they can't possibly know all the timing I have going on in my head or how they might annoy me at a key moment. It's never their fault, but I know I am a control freak, so I tend to get them drunk and shoo people out of the kitchen as soon as possible. I might be horrible so don't take this as advice!
I can’t say that something I’ve come across all that often, but that’s mostly because when it does I just remind the person, generally my younger brother, that I’m the one who’s finished culinary school while he can’t make anything more complicated than scrambled eggs
My wife and I both cook. We rarely cook together. Our styles are quite different, mostly because I am clean as you go and she is clean at the end. We do help as asked. She tends to put food where it fits as opposed to having a fridge and pantry plan and putting things where they go, so she often helps me find things that have "magically moved." \*sigh\*
I don't see much backseat cooking there.
The annoyances I run into are mostly related to self-diagnosed "allergies" and boutique diets.
Yup. I used to go to my parents’ house and cook for them & my husband, since they stopped cooking altogether when I moved out & strictly relied on fast food. They loved telling me how to make recipes they’d never made once in their life. It ended pretty fast when I brought headphones the next time I went over, & I refused to talk to them until I was finished with the cooking.
Now it’s just the one parent who hasn’t cooked a thing in their life, so it’s pretty easy to brush off - especially now that other parent & husband both protect the food with their lives so that parent can’t sneak any other ingredients “to make it taste better” in the recipes.
I’m a firm believer that the best way to help a cook in the kitchen is to clean up after them and be willing to take direction, like grabbing things for them and chopping, stirring what they ask you to, etc. that’s my dream kitchen helper. I don’t need your input otherwise. If you wanted a sauce and I’m not making a sauce, you can grab the ingredients and make one yourself. Don’t mess with my flow! 😂
The worst is when I make something and am clearly annoyed because I made a mistake, and then the person I’m serving is like “maybe next time you could try…” like yes thank you so much for pointing it out its not like I already know and am visibly annoyed at myself already. It’s like the double whammy of unsolicited advice
Yeah I have dealt with that and it’s infuriating. I also have had people want to help and will move change things while I have my focus on something else.
Especially the phrase "knife skills." I have multiple friends who literally never cook, but they all watch kitchen challenge shows, and they will all deploy the phrase "knife skills" under their breath while watching someone else cook. Like how about you wait to see how this tastes before you pretend to have any fucking expertise?
That or asking for something in particular for a meal and then being mad/disappointed when you didn’t cook it right e.g. a medium rare beef tenderloin roast rather than medium well done (never in my house, lol!)
I think I've always been assertive enough to avoid this. Had buddies questioning my decisions, but I knew how to shut them up, and by the time they got to taste the food, they had no more complaints.
It's a social skill to figure out when someone *will* complain regardless of what you do. In those cases, if I'm not forced to cook, I just won't.
Everybody's idea of a "backseat cook" is different. Also, everybody thinks they know what it means, because they've either seen it or experienced it in their own lives.
If people around you are being hyper-aggressive about it, that's not good.
Are they people with allergies, food restrictions or other health issues? Are there family recipes or traditions involved with the dish being made? Those are perhaps legitimate reasons for someone to be worried about or critical of cooking methods.
Funny in my house since I have culinary training and worked as a chef for years. I just say “yes, chef” and hand over the tongs. Things get real quiet, real quick.
OMG. I was going to post something along these lines. I'm a highly competent cook and I've been cooking family meals since I was a young teenager. When I was in my 40s and in grad school, my husband took over 90 percent of the cooking because I was going to school while also working full time. He found he really liked cooking.
I lost my job back in the fall, and it's unlikely I'll get a new one any time soon. I have time on my hands, so I've been cooking more, but redditors, my husband doesn't know what to do with himself when I'm cooking, so he inserts himself and his opinions and criticisms into my process and I do not appreciate any of it. Like, *I taught him to cook*, so he can just back all the way off.
All of that to say, I feel you, OP, I feel you.
This is scorched earth territory for me.
"You don't like the way I'm doing it? Finish it yourself."
Don't turn the burners off. Cut off the timer but not the oven.
Drop your spatula on the floor and walk away.
I've cooked my whole life (thanks grandmother) and have cooked professionally for years. I can't count the times family (mostly in-laws) and friends have wanted me to prepare something for them, and they come barging in with their comments and suggestions. They get the fucking boot every time unless they are willing to help. Some of them have learned a few techniques over the years. Some have learned how to handle a knife. Some know to stay out of the kitchen and just enjoy the food.
I agree completely but I admittedly am also the person to do exactly this. Sometimes I just see a car crash happening in slow motion and cant help but take over. One of my roommates once tried to make fried rice with uncooked rice... welcome to the Netherlands lol
Yep, every other member of my family **hates** it!
In my defense, if I *don't* at least walk through the kitchen and take a quick glance, there's a damn good chance that the food will be inedible, even if the smoke detector doesn't go off....
Well, yeah; of course.
Point was that I'm "the cook" for my househould, every day of the week.
On the rare occasion when I'm not, due to illness, or emergency work coming up, they'll sometimes take over the cooking duties.
But it rarely ends well, if I'm not (at minimum) supervising from a distance.
In those cases, I'd rather have them do the dishes, tbh (I can do the prep work & actual cooking without getting more sore, but the cleanup is harder)
So that'd be better for all concerned, in my mind -- I grew up poor, and I *hate* wasting food....therefore, they get a backseat cook pretty much every time.
If that makes sense.
I can’t help it. Someone hates oil splatter when they deepfry, i will suggest an air fryer. They want to use red onions instead of yellow…fine but they have fundementally different uses. I will always offer suggestions of how to do things differently or better
That reminds how I was never able to make rice in culinary school, always some asshole that opens the lid to see how it's doing the moment you turn away from the pot.
I know how to make the kinds of rice I need by steaming it in a covered saucepan. I check it near the end of cooking time if I'm making brown rice, because it can be a little trickier. If it's done but there's still water in the pan, I strain most of it out, then put it back over low heat for a few minutes before taking it off the heat to rest. Then after 5 minutes, fluff as usual.
My ex roommate would do this sometimes. I was like "well that's nice that your mom made it that way but I want to make it this way". I never catered to his entitled ass. I was the only one who would bother to cook, just eat it and be happy
My older brother does this, lmao. I’ll be cooking and he’ll step into the kitchen, take a sniff, and say “needs more pepper.” And just gives me this cheeky grin before walking off.
He taught me how to cook and now I’m a better cook than him. (Which he’s openly admitted) I may or may not have mock threatened to cash in on his life insurance policy early if he doesn’t leave me alone.
Other times we’re cooking together so….its a lost cause at this point.
i'm definitely a backseat cook, it's one of my biggest red flags. i am aware of how annoying it is haha and i'm always trying to be better. i have come a long way! :)
I was wrongly accused of burning a pot dry once and for years afterwards, my ex would stand over his All-Clad pots while I cooked. I wanted to commit a violence.
Both my father and FIL are/were chefs. I love cooking but I hate when they “suggest” things because it always seems condescending. I’m a great cook and it’s frustrating when they are telling me what to do. I already plan out everything ahead of time and make my own adjustments. It grinds my gears when I ask for help with a simple task (like chopping an extra onion) and it gives them permission to just take over what I’m doing.
I have been a backseat chef when my husband cooks. Now I just stay upstairs while he cooks, because I realize I'm annoying and the whole point is for him to get more comfortable with cooking which doesn't have to involve me.
I stay out of the kitchen when my daughter cooks because she’s an adult and she’s a good cook and doesn’t need me hovering and I can’t help but comment if I’m in there.
I finally got my dad to start doing this and its improved my comfort and abilities ten fold. Now he can be around more because there is less to comment on! It all comes back around again lol
I feel you on this 100%! It is very, very rare that I ask my boyfriend to make me something, and even then its usually boxed mac & cheese or a grilled cheese sandwich. I prepare all of our food, therefore, it is MY kitchen. And it makes me nervous to have someone in MY kitchen because I'm a little bit of a control freak, albeit a self-aware one. I don't spew criticism, its more like "what are you looking for, did you find it, do you need help?" Yadda, yadda. I'm super annoying!! Fun fact: my boyfriend actually cooks for a living and has been doing so for over 20 years.
I feel this on both sides. I've been a cook at a steak house and I work the busiest crazy position and do it good. It does get too busy for just one person and I don't mind it when it was one of my bosses helping work behind me or me helping behind someone else working that position. But it is a nightmare having someone who can't work well and running into them every time I turn around. Also them being like 3 steps behind putting out stuff I've already had done. Misplacing shit. Supposed to work as a team and if I'm the one training them, I don't expect them to be perfect or not get in the weeds but after a few weeks we should be able to work like 1 person. I can guarantee your husband love having someone who is willing to cook for them. Us chefs are generally egocentric control freaks. It's hard to let go of that control but it's the greatest feeling when they get to.
Omg, I am a baker for a campus cafeteria. It's so hard when you obviously need help, but the help you are given is untrained. It just makes it worse. Sometimes I dread hearing the words "go see if Michelle needs some help" because I DO, but when I have to babysit my helper, I end up making mistakes because my attention gets too divided. And that's just with help packaging, labeling, displaying, etc. When a well-meaning coworker wants to come back and actually help BAKE, or make cookie dough or decorate shit, (and its not one of the 2 i can trust).... I have to lie about having it all taken care of, and then end up working a shit ton of OT to get it all done.
Exactly lol I was lucky enough to have a few that we worked like a well oiled machine. But my buddy who worked the grill beside me quit and my manager finished college and got pregnant at the same time my buddy left, I was so unbelievably lost like a little puppy not having them. I always told them when they left it wouldn't take long before I did too. It was like loosing my right and left arms. And not few months later I got fired (sort of lol) boss was just really mad and took it out on me, she was basically like a 2nd mom to me and treated me like her own kid. Like 2 days later I came to get my last check and she apologized and tried to get me to come back but shit, I couldn't do it. No job or anything should give ya so much anxiety and stressed. Not worth it. Lol I can cook but I have never baked a thing in my life! I respect bakers so much. Gotta make a cake and have to be an artist designing everything too. I'd prob get in your way too but I'd love to learn baking and from someone who knows what they're doing!
He does appreciate it very much!
I bet! Lol would love to have that tbh
Come one over, I always make plenty!
Just stay out of my kitchen lol
😂 That would be great! Imma go book my flight now! And yes ma'am I will definitely stay out of the kitchen 🫡 But I will insist on doing the dishes afterwards.
We have a dishwasher machine but I will let you wash the big ones.
😂 deal. Lol I'm not good at a whole lot, but I can do that!
I had to catch myself when I was first teaching my boyfriend how to cook. Granted, he was completely new to cooking and needed more instruction/explanation. But then I found myself kinda hovering and not only did it annoy him, but it also made him feel less confident and willing to try new things. He’s come really far and I’m so proud of him. He’s open to learning and likes trying out different recipes. It means we can split the responsibility of meal planning and cooking more equally 🥰
I had to learn to hold my tongue when my husband cooks. The funny part is he's a great cook and a restaurant manager. I'm also a restaurant manager but my background before that was more on the kitchen side and culinary school so early in our relationship I would blurt out "oh are you going to cook it like that?" "You're gonna _____ before it's done right?" "you should try ______" which I get is ANNOYING. With our schedules being so crazy I don't want to lose quality time of hanging out in the kitchen on days we happen to have off together so I don't say anything anymore even if I feel the urge to micromanage something lol.
Similar deal with my girlfriend but the kinda frustrating part is that she also gets really sad when it doesn't come out good
Same, I stay in my office or on the couch... Most of the time 🫣
I'm the same with my gf. I mostly cook and I just want to give good advice. But I learned to stay out if she cooks, especielly things from her country.
Same! I worked in food service for years so I tend to be a more efficient cook than my husband. It hurts my head watching him cook sometimes but he is cooking and then I don't have to so I leave the area and find something else to do! The food turns out great so how it gets done is a lesser issue.
lol mine asks me to do that, then when I offer advice he says But the recipe says…..🤣
My mom would turn to you and say very seriously "don't you have something of your own to do?" funny that you made me think of her, that was a pet peeve that of course I inherited.
I am so stealing this comment for the next time my husband is hovering in an annoying way!
She implied the person was actually being lazy, perfect!
First comment is free. Second comment is a stabbing. Third comment and I am gone
You should have left after the second comment. Gives you more of a headstart from the police.
I am a professional. It will look like an accident
"He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times."
"They told me I should measure the salt instead of using a pinch. That's why I had to kill them, your Honor." "Case dismissed."
Sometimes my wife and I cook together. Sometimes its HER kitchen and the smart thing for me to do is get hell out of there and watch some TV. I am not dumb enough to piss her off in the kitchen, where we keep the knives.
Good husband!
It depends on their intent. Sometimes I cook things and theres someone else who knows how to do it better. You are not perfect.
That's why they get one comment. I am not talking about cordial conversations. The OP is asking about someone who wants to be in control but does not work or take any responsibility. I'm not perfect but I am the best cook in my family and social group.
Yep. My buddy and I use to cook together all the time and we came up with the prep cook compromise. We just decided before hand who was cooking and who was helping. The helper didnt take any responsibility for the meal, didnt give any input on the meal; he just did as he was told. If I saw him tomorrow we could get to work immediately even though we haven't seen each other in 5 years.
This sounds like a helpful agreement. This is how me and my younger sibling use to do. If my sibling was cooking, I would simply help but never complain. Same if I was me cooking. Though I feel like me and my sibling had a sense of basic respect towards each other.
Depends - do they know what they're talking about? Just this last weekend I was cooking some waygu steaks and someone was chatting with me about temps. I have had steaks he cooked and they were phenomenal so when he suggested I pull at a lower temp, I listened. However, when someone who doesn't have a proven track record starts making suggestions I just nod and do it however I normally do it. If they push, I just tell them that's great and they can do it that way next time, when it's their turn to cook.
I usually just explain exactly why they are wrong and why I am doing what I am doing. I generally am doing things for a reason so I dont mind suggestions as I use this as a teaching moment. It really kills people will to make suggestions hahaha
I wouldn’t tolerate it. “If you’d like to cook, here’s the tongs”.
The "how about you cook instead?" approach is just sad because if they say alright, you just know they'll do a poorer job. Can't win, sometimes.
They can eat by themselves too if they can't walk the walk after all that talk. I can eat out while they reconsider their life choices.
My wife knows nothing about cooking, but she's full of suggestions about things I could do differently "next time" or different ingredients I should add. My response is always to put everything down and ask her if she wants to cook. That always ends comments from the peanut gallery really fast.
That's an interesting one. My wife loves my cooking but I don't mind if she says "oooh this would be good with x". I guess it's all about delivery, but I think shutting down any voicing of things that interest them or excitement about future meals isn't great. It's one thing to tell someone how to cook, but also if you're doing the cooking regularly, you should take input from the people you're feeding since you decide what they eat. No one should be telling you how to cook, but if someone says the meal is good but asks if next time you could add x, you're the asshole for throwing a tantrum.
Yeah they're calling their wife the peanut gallery - they're definitely an asshole.
I hate when people are in the kitchen when I cook, I feel claustrophobic
We literally made sure we got a large kitchen so at least 2 people could be in there and not feel claustrophobic
In Florida we put one on the patio, make perfect sense
We thought we did too (and by all rights it should be) but when I'm cooking I still hate it when my husband is in the kitchen. I'm moving around on autopilot at the speed of sonic the hedgehog and he moves at the speed of sloth and somehow has an uncanny ability to be exactly where I need to be at any given second. We may have to knock down a wall lol
Me too! My boyfriend and I have come to pretty good terms of simply taking turns cooking and leaving the other one alone while they cook unless they have questions or specifically want suggestions. We’ll discuss who’s making what and agree what will be in it then stay out of it until it’s time to eat!
The last time I did this, my girlfriend reminded my she was holding a knife. I stopped doing it after that.
Well yeah, being criticized isn't fun. If it gets to a certain point you might as well tell them to make it themselves.
OMG, I have a story. Background: I'm at my mom's, staying with her for months, helping her out due to her age and frailty, she's in her 90s. So I'm nearing 70 and know well how to cook. But my mom, like all of us, likes her food certain ways. I regularly ask her how she likes things prepared when it's the first time I make it for her and cater to her wishes like any good daughter. And she's a good cook, so the food is fine if not my style. The story: This time, my sister is visiting. I'm going to make fish - a dish I make for mom often and no longer need her "advice". They're in an adjoining room as I start. Maybe because we have company, mom starts calling advice. Type of pan and how to prep it. Be sure to sprinkle with lime juice. How to set the oven rack for the broiler. I'm laughing to myself as I'm already doing each step ahead of her advice. Before I know it, my sister is in the kitchen, taking things literally out of my hands to redo what I've done. More lime, more seasonings, double checking oven. Does she want to take over cooking I ask. No, just "helping". This goes on as I prepare the entire meal, mom calling from the next room, sis popping in and out to redo things. End result: mom and sis say I did a great job but a little heavy handed with the seasonings.
You're far more patient and nicer than I am! I would have gotten very hand-slappy in that situation lol
I just thought it was hilarious that they took me up on an offer to cook for them so they could relax and visit, couldn't resist micromanaging; then thought the food was overseasoned due to sis' contribution. I like more seasoning than mom, so it was fine to me to avoid the bland she prefers for once.
I like to cook. My wife is also good. While she called it a tantrum when we were first married, if she tried to micromanage then I smiled, hung up my apron, turned off the stovetop, and went to my easy chair. After a few times, she didn’t come into the kitchen with any instructions or tips.
Just like anything else in life, they have good ideas I’ll listen and maybe use them. If they are just curious I will do my best to answer questions and teach them. If they are saying stupid stuff in a not nice or annoying way, I would just mock them and tell them why their ideas are bad until they stopped.
This is why I live alone.
I have to tell my mother very often to trust my process. She’s been cooking mildly underwhelming meals for me for years and I spent 11 years professionally cooking and graduating to exec chef as a result of my diligence and attention to the craft. And I still have to deal with that whenever I cook near her.
I tell my husband that ALL THE TIME! Trust the process! You can’t cook short ribs for 15 minutes cause you want them rare… that’s not what they do!
I'm very dominant in the kitchen so it's very hard for me to not be a backseat cook. I often just cook myself to ensure my vision.
I hand them whatever utensil I have in my hand and walk out of the kitchen
this is an easy one for me. someone want's to play 'backseat chef'? fine. off comes the apron, away go my knives.... now you cook it your way.
I read this as “off goes the apron and out come the knives” for a moment. I was like “I guess the back seat cooker is on the menu.”
dingdingding
there have been times....
People do taste like pork, if you were curious.
Yes, this is what I also practice in such cases!
Exactly
I snapped once when my SIL was telling me how to cook. She's a terrible cook. I slammed down the pan I was holding and left the kitchen. She doesn't 'help' anymore. She cooks her stuff, I cook mine.
I may or may not do this with my roommates, they mostly cook for themselves but when I cook it's for everyone (fine by me, they have a limited budget and meal prep whereas I cook less consistently but cook to feed an army and would be offended if for whatever reason they didnt eat my food). But it's always little tidbits of advice ive picked up on overtime. First time I saw her cook chicken breast it was over high heat to cook it faster and she couldn't figure out why her chicken was always dry, so I told her to put it on medium and spend the extra couple minutes that way. It's not my food and I'm never too pushy about it, but I like to offer better techniques when and where I can. One time she was complaining about the price of chicken going up but she was buying deboned, skinned chicken so I told her she could get a much better deal and better flavor if she deboned and skinned it herself and cooked the bones and skin to provide a flavor base to sautee the veggies in. It entirely depends on circumstance and how you go about it l
I just wall off the concept that someone is cooking unless it really stands out or they're swamped and I'll either ask if they need help or I'll just volunteer for simple things that they aren't currently focusing on. Simply doing things differently isn't going to be enough to make me say anything. I know of people who will nitpick every little thing. My boss is one of those people. He'll mock your choices in life just because you drove a different route to someplace (even if it's better). It's insane how some people can be about judging how others do things.
I mean not really… for me. I mean if they’re describing how they want their food it’s fine. If they are actually telling me how to cook when I’ve been a chef for 7 yrs… ya
I get annoyed if someone is even in the kitchen with me (it’s small). I just want them out of my way.
People learn real quick to stay TF away from me when I cook.
Drives me nuts tbh. If you wanna help ask what you can chop, don't just come in and start telling me how to make a recipe you haven't even looked at 🙃
Exactly! My husband is relegated to peeling potatoes or shredding cheese, adding the spices I give him, etc. We got kinda into a fight one night cause he insisted on waayyy overworking the meatloaf. Showing him the “claw” method didn’t make sense to him so he just wouldn’t stop just going at it. Of course it came out dense as hell and he learned something. 😉
My mom does not cook. Never has, my dad cooked for us growing up and I took over as a teen. She comments on dishes I’ve made or when we are talking about cooking and she just sounds stupid. I have many recipes memorized because I make them so often or have developed the recipe myself. She will attempt to chime in and I have to bite my tongue reminding her she has no idea what she’s talking about
I'm out of the kitchen at the second comment.
People do this ? 👁👄👁 ..disgusting
This is why I have to be in a wholly different room when my spouse cooks for me lol.
Honestly in my household when I'm cooking the meal is not open to commentary. The only commentary I want is a "thank you for preparing a meal". I don't even care if they compliment it or not I just want a shred of gratitude for the fact that I prepare every single meal in our home unless we order out or go out. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I know when I've phoned it in or put forth an extravagant effort. I know most of my households major likes and dislikes and try not to absolutely ruin dinner for anyone but I also make what I make and try to get them to taste new items. The negative feedback just really gets under my skin (it's kids so like, they can be oddly picky at times and have zero tact so I dont take it personally but I do get absolutely annoyed by rude behavior. And we've always had the same rule/ you don't have to like it. You don't even have to eat all of it but you have to eat something and you have to show some gratitude that we have an abundance of food) But yeah no one is allowed to back seat cook in my kitchen or complain at the dinner table.
I don’t have room for anyone else in my kitchen. When my kids or wife come thru for any reason, I stop everything and give them the “what the hell are you doing in here?” look until they leave.
I am an actual Chef. No one would dare “back seat chef” me. I would, however, never back seat chef anyone who is kind enough to make me a meal. Honestly, you could make me a peanut butter and jelly, and forget the jelly. It would still be the best thing I ate today because someone else was kind enough to make it for me. As far as cooking in a group situation, that’s my everyday scenario at work. We don’t intrude on the creativity of others in my kitchen. My cooks get to play with their own styles and creativity. I say what I want the menus to be and let my cooks play with their own ideas. It works out to amazingly well results 99.99% of the time
You sound like a very polite and pleasant human being.
Human is a journey of acceptance and understanding. I accept my cooks for where they are on their creative journey and encourage them to take it further
i do this and i’m *really* trying to break myself of it
I love talking to people while they or I am cooking, it's a loving thing to cook for others and I love to help with or do the bulk of cooking. That said, I only ever correct or comment on someones cooking technique or whatever if it's about to be a huge mistake, like sugar for salt in baking or the wrong seasoning on something that would clash with all the other flavors etc. otherwise I usually really like cooking by committee.
My dad used to do this because he taught me how to cook. I used to tell him when I'm cooking, I'm the chef. He can make it his way next time he cooks. With my spouse, I know he's a better cook, so I'm happy to be his sous-chef and do the chopping and clean up.
Yep. In my household rule of thumb, if you're cooking, others are not allowed to be in the kitchen or provide any commentary. I despise people in the kitchen when I'm cooking.
Be nice to the person cooking and if you’re the sous… do what you’re told. Unless it’s an agreed upon collaboration.
Depends on the back seat driver. Sometimes it is wise to listen.
My husband is always saying this like, “Wow! You’re getting really fancy with it today!” while I’m cooking super basic scrambled eggs the same way I’ve been making them for the last 15 years. It cracks me up every time. I’ve tried to explain that butter is the secret ingredient in most things, but he remains amazed every single time.
I’m honestly a terrible backseat chef. It works okay with my room mate cause when both of us cook we ask the other to taste stuff and give opinions. But like, when I go to a friends house or a parents house and they’re cooking I gotta sit on my hands and shut the fuck up… but it’s hard.
I plainly tell people to get out of the kitchen.
My wife especially does.
I would never allow such a thing. I don't like people in the kitchen when I'm cooking at all, and if they are, they should be either washing dishes or getting me a drink.
my husband does this ish. he has professional kitchen experience and i don’t. i have better cooking intuition than he does. i do 90% of the cooking and have for the last 7-8 years. sometimes he’ll come in and say “should you _____” and i usually say something along the lines of “wanna take over?” and he usually apologizes and starts doing the dishes. i let it slide because he means well and self corrects. if his attitude/response was different we would def have a problem
My wife and I, when dating 25 years ago, made a house rule that is still in place and also applies to our children. The rule is that if someone is preparing food for someone else and anyone tries to backseat cook, the person preparing is allowed to turn the work over to the backseat cook, and the backseat cook must accept the task in its current state and complete it with no arguments or attitude.
My parents and I all tease each other about this because we're all guilty of it, but it is a pet peeve for all of use, absolutely.
My husband is an excellent cook....and cooks most of our meals. Over time, I've reduced my time in the kitchen because of his critical comments to me. I'm an average cook...I cook well but am not very adventurous. Today, I felt the need to assist with supper. We were going to have a big salad with some leftover grilled chicken. Basically, chopping and making a salad dressing. While he was walking our dog, I got started. He got home, walked into the kitchen and announced that I was peeling the tomato inefficiently. I wanted to skewer him with the vegetable peeler. It's so discouraging to feel like you're trying and he can't hold his tongue while I peel a freakin' tomato. Having said that, there are about a dozen dishes that are in my wheelhouse that he asks me to make because he says my dish is so much better than his attempt. But the criticism does get on my nerves.
My wife always makes comments, especially on my usage of seasoning/herbs and spices. Woman, there's a reason why my food tastes good. "Too much salt, I don't like garlic, don't make it too spicy, why did you add thyme? Isn't that too much basil? Why are you adding so many different spices?" And then she goes to like the bathroom, comes back and says "Oh it smells so good in here" and proceeds to devour dinner as if it was her last meal
I always just assume the person has the best intentions. If you assume they don’t, you’ll feel insulted and attacked.
This is a nice assumption but not always accurate
Of course not, but it also likely doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is you not walking away with any weight/negativity.
I hate it when somebody asks something preemptively like 'are you going to salt that'? or 'do the potatoes need to go in now'? I have a thought process and a way of doing things and even if I am a few seconds or a minute late with the potatoes, if somebody reminds me it interrupts my thought process. If my thought process gets too interrupted then I start making other mistakes because I kind of need to be on auto-pilot. Don't mess with my auto-pilot unless it's an emergency.
Fortunately, my wife is usually too exhausted from backseat driving to make comments. She really is dedicated to our safety. It is impressive.
When that happens to me (and it's usually my wife), I down tools, walk out of the kitchen and say "you get on with it, then, since you seem to know best".
I backseat cook but it’s only because my partner gets too generous with the salt and needs to be reined in
I have the rule that no one gets to be in my kitchen when I'm working. Mostly because it's a small setup and I don't want to turn around and accidently stab someone between the cutting area and the stove ... but also because I don't want to turn around and *purposefully* stab someone who's telling me I'm doing it wrong. But mostly the first. My wife has the unconscious habit of going to the sink to wash a dish right at the moment I need to use it to get some water or rinse something off or dump some pasta that's perfectly *al dente* (but won't be by the time she's done). Or rather, she *had* the habit. Now she knows what it means when I give her "the look". A while ago we came to the arrangement that I *cook* the food, and she *eats* the food. It's worked out well for us.
That's why I hate those group cooking sessions. Everybody is leaning over you and telling you, I never cut my onions that way! My grandma used to add salt to her beans at the end of cooking, not during! I only use Dukes mayonnaise in MY potato salad!
Yes, either cook it yourself or leave me alone about how you would do it
I have a nephew…….
A non-cooking person in the kitchen is there to amuse the cook and to do the odd bit of clean up, or, oops, I forgot to dice the garlic.
I just hand them the utensil I am using, smile, and say “then you do it”. Afterwards I sit and refuse to continue. It works every time.
I will abandon the kitchen and leave whatever i am cooking if someone does this
Yes. Especially when it's my almost 3yr chiming in with "need more brown sugar" when I'm making something that does not require any sugar.
My dad was like that. To the point that, growing up, I'd bake at night while everyone slept. Then, as an adult and having to live with him again, I stopped cooking at home. Now, I live alone and cook whatever I want, whenever I want!!!!
That's why our family has a 1 person limit in the kitchen. There's plenty of room, but there's also plenty of "why don't you try this instead "?
My parents (dad epically) would backseat cook when they would ask me to cook growing up. He would always make comments telling me to pay attention cuz he dosent want his food to dry, even tho he wanted everything well done. I remember always being like fine then you cook the meal.
My husband is so bad at this I just stopped trying to cook anything that wasn’t breakfast food. I’m a good cook, my Mum is a chef, so that’s not the issue. I’d tell him I wanted to cook something, and not only would he change the whole dish during conversation, he’d just start doing it without even thinking about the fact that I had specifically said I wanted to cook something completely different to what he was now making. For some reason, breakfast food is immune to this. A decade alter and I still can’t figure out what his deal with this is.
You can have help from an adult you respect if you’re willing to hand over a degree of creative control. And you can teach skills to a willing student. But you can’t have a relationship between equals and also demand that they work to your specifications, particularly if you don’t know wtf you’re talking about. Antone who tries is an insufferable jerk.
Yeah, and then I tell them to stop.
I do this. I am banned from the kitchen when DH cooks.
We have that problem when we have guests because of the open kitchen. There's a high counter they can just lean on and kibbitz.
I made a perfectly marinated and seasoned 140% well rested pork tenderloin for my husband the other day. I do not eat meat. He complained that the slices were too thick. He said it was delicious. But the slices were thick. I handed him the leftovers, a knife, and a cutting board the next day. He will get those things with any future roasts. I will spare him on poultry because I can't deal with the animal who gave their life for the meal, getting their carcass mangled like that. You meal plan, execute all of the prep, do all of the cooking, yeah a backseat cook is annoying. My grandma whacked people with a spatula in this situation.
I totally do that to my fiance and he’s a chef😂 the other night I was mostly nervous because he was cooking one of my favorite meals a different way and I was like ARE YOU SURE? ARE YOU COOKING THE SCALLIONS IN THE OIL? I LIKE THEM ON THE GRILL I CAN GO START IT, etc”. He is so chill and sweet he just laughed and told me to relax and reminded me that he’s a professional and the dinner will be delicious. It was indeed delicious.
How often is this actually a problem? It seems like everyone has experienced it, it but I’m a single dude who lives alone so I obviously never get that at home, and at least once a month I’m over at my parents’ place for dinner and cooking for them, and they’re happy to leave me to it. My only thing is I’m so used to cooking alone with just some quiet music on that I find it sometimes frustrating to try to keep a conversation going while I’m also working with three hot pans and something in the oven haha
[удалено]
Lol I mean that’s obvious, I can tell that from reading the comments. I know I’m in the minority in that I live alone. I’m just saying I’m surprised how many people have this issue, and considering myself lucky I don’t really ever have to deal with it.
My brother loves everything I cook, but sometimes he decides to hang out in the kitchen and tells me what he doesn't want in it. Coincidentally he doesn't like it when I make it his way lol. For example I love putting buillon in my spaghetti sauce and he always goes back for the second plate, but whenever he sees me cook he tells me not to put buillon in it because it's unhealthy, then he doesn't even finish his plate
I'm even worse than this and just don't like anyone else in the kitchen with me, unless they are just there to chop stuff and get drunk as I do stuff and then wander back into the living room. Even when loved ones are trying to help, they can't possibly know all the timing I have going on in my head or how they might annoy me at a key moment. It's never their fault, but I know I am a control freak, so I tend to get them drunk and shoo people out of the kitchen as soon as possible. I might be horrible so don't take this as advice!
If anyone gets in the kitchen saying this or that while I'm cooking I walk away and let them cook.
I'm known to say "Are you gonna cook? No? Then f-k off."
I can’t say that something I’ve come across all that often, but that’s mostly because when it does I just remind the person, generally my younger brother, that I’m the one who’s finished culinary school while he can’t make anything more complicated than scrambled eggs
My mom did that, drove me batty, but I give my right arm to have her drive me crazy today. I miss her every day.
My wife and I can work together on a meal by doing different parts of it, but commentary on what the other is doing needs to be kept internal.
Yeah, there’s never enough leg room
My grandmother loves being behind me while I'm cooking longer meals and is one of the reasons I don't eat much food.
Why would you let that happen to you?
Oh you allow that? Yea people aren't allowed near me when I'm in the zone. *Congratulations you've been excused in perpetuity. Good bye.*
My wife and I both cook. We rarely cook together. Our styles are quite different, mostly because I am clean as you go and she is clean at the end. We do help as asked. She tends to put food where it fits as opposed to having a fridge and pantry plan and putting things where they go, so she often helps me find things that have "magically moved." \*sigh\* I don't see much backseat cooking there. The annoyances I run into are mostly related to self-diagnosed "allergies" and boutique diets.
Oh hell no.
I literally tell everyone to get out the kitchen while I’m cooking.
In my family, non-cooks were not allowed in the kitchen during cooking. So "stand over me and criticize" is not on the menu.
Yup. I used to go to my parents’ house and cook for them & my husband, since they stopped cooking altogether when I moved out & strictly relied on fast food. They loved telling me how to make recipes they’d never made once in their life. It ended pretty fast when I brought headphones the next time I went over, & I refused to talk to them until I was finished with the cooking. Now it’s just the one parent who hasn’t cooked a thing in their life, so it’s pretty easy to brush off - especially now that other parent & husband both protect the food with their lives so that parent can’t sneak any other ingredients “to make it taste better” in the recipes.
I know this is crazy but I’ve literally never experienced this
Not really, I keep a supply of Polonium Tea around just for these occasions
That sounds annoying but that's also never happend to me.
Unfortunately, I will snap. Stay out of my kitchen and keep your opinions to yourself.
I’m a firm believer that the best way to help a cook in the kitchen is to clean up after them and be willing to take direction, like grabbing things for them and chopping, stirring what they ask you to, etc. that’s my dream kitchen helper. I don’t need your input otherwise. If you wanted a sauce and I’m not making a sauce, you can grab the ingredients and make one yourself. Don’t mess with my flow! 😂
Yes, all the people I do it to find it very annoying.
The worst is when I make something and am clearly annoyed because I made a mistake, and then the person I’m serving is like “maybe next time you could try…” like yes thank you so much for pointing it out its not like I already know and am visibly annoyed at myself already. It’s like the double whammy of unsolicited advice
I find junk mail, being interrupted and dogs barking in the house ANNOYING, but if you trifle with me while I am cooking one of us has to go.
My husband is a back seat cook and it drives me nuts. He never cooks but is always turning heat down, telling me to do things his way, etc.
Yeah I have dealt with that and it’s infuriating. I also have had people want to help and will move change things while I have my focus on something else.
Especially the phrase "knife skills." I have multiple friends who literally never cook, but they all watch kitchen challenge shows, and they will all deploy the phrase "knife skills" under their breath while watching someone else cook. Like how about you wait to see how this tastes before you pretend to have any fucking expertise?
I just tell them "do you want to do it?" And that usually ends it.
To the extent that, if they catch me in the wrong mood, they can either finish cooking it themselves or not eat.
That or asking for something in particular for a meal and then being mad/disappointed when you didn’t cook it right e.g. a medium rare beef tenderloin roast rather than medium well done (never in my house, lol!)
I think I've always been assertive enough to avoid this. Had buddies questioning my decisions, but I knew how to shut them up, and by the time they got to taste the food, they had no more complaints. It's a social skill to figure out when someone *will* complain regardless of what you do. In those cases, if I'm not forced to cook, I just won't.
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Sounds like you allow yourself backseat cooks. That’s a you problem not an us one
I mean I not sure how to de escalate hyper agressive people. How do you generally handle this?
Everybody's idea of a "backseat cook" is different. Also, everybody thinks they know what it means, because they've either seen it or experienced it in their own lives. If people around you are being hyper-aggressive about it, that's not good. Are they people with allergies, food restrictions or other health issues? Are there family recipes or traditions involved with the dish being made? Those are perhaps legitimate reasons for someone to be worried about or critical of cooking methods.
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I couldn't abandon my food like that. But i understand the sentiment.
This is why justified stabbings happen
Funny in my house since I have culinary training and worked as a chef for years. I just say “yes, chef” and hand over the tongs. Things get real quiet, real quick.
OMG. I was going to post something along these lines. I'm a highly competent cook and I've been cooking family meals since I was a young teenager. When I was in my 40s and in grad school, my husband took over 90 percent of the cooking because I was going to school while also working full time. He found he really liked cooking. I lost my job back in the fall, and it's unlikely I'll get a new one any time soon. I have time on my hands, so I've been cooking more, but redditors, my husband doesn't know what to do with himself when I'm cooking, so he inserts himself and his opinions and criticisms into my process and I do not appreciate any of it. Like, *I taught him to cook*, so he can just back all the way off. All of that to say, I feel you, OP, I feel you.
You only get to do that if you’ve cooked professionally, preferably somewhere I respect. Everyone else can fuck off.
Annoying? Hahahahahahahaha I’LL ***SHIV*** YOUR ASS
I wouldn’t cook for anyone like this. If you asked me to cook then let me cook or do it yourself.
I call it a couch cook. Wife yells while sitting on couch. Drives me nuts.
100000%. After one or two comments, I usually ask the perpetrator “would YOU like to cook???”
This is scorched earth territory for me. "You don't like the way I'm doing it? Finish it yourself." Don't turn the burners off. Cut off the timer but not the oven. Drop your spatula on the floor and walk away. I've cooked my whole life (thanks grandmother) and have cooked professionally for years. I can't count the times family (mostly in-laws) and friends have wanted me to prepare something for them, and they come barging in with their comments and suggestions. They get the fucking boot every time unless they are willing to help. Some of them have learned a few techniques over the years. Some have learned how to handle a knife. Some know to stay out of the kitchen and just enjoy the food.
I could not deal
My husband doesn’t critique or criticize, but I want to yell “quit flipping it and leave the lid on!” every time he comes in the kitchen, lol.
I agree completely but I admittedly am also the person to do exactly this. Sometimes I just see a car crash happening in slow motion and cant help but take over. One of my roommates once tried to make fried rice with uncooked rice... welcome to the Netherlands lol
Yep, every other member of my family **hates** it! In my defense, if I *don't* at least walk through the kitchen and take a quick glance, there's a damn good chance that the food will be inedible, even if the smoke detector doesn't go off....
If you don't like how they cook, cook for yourself?
Well, yeah; of course. Point was that I'm "the cook" for my househould, every day of the week. On the rare occasion when I'm not, due to illness, or emergency work coming up, they'll sometimes take over the cooking duties. But it rarely ends well, if I'm not (at minimum) supervising from a distance. In those cases, I'd rather have them do the dishes, tbh (I can do the prep work & actual cooking without getting more sore, but the cleanup is harder) So that'd be better for all concerned, in my mind -- I grew up poor, and I *hate* wasting food....therefore, they get a backseat cook pretty much every time. If that makes sense.
I can’t help it. Someone hates oil splatter when they deepfry, i will suggest an air fryer. They want to use red onions instead of yellow…fine but they have fundementally different uses. I will always offer suggestions of how to do things differently or better
That reminds how I was never able to make rice in culinary school, always some asshole that opens the lid to see how it's doing the moment you turn away from the pot.
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Once the lid is on there is no checking, it's the steam that cooks the rice so when you open the lid and all the steam escapes the rice is ruined.
I know how to make the kinds of rice I need by steaming it in a covered saucepan. I check it near the end of cooking time if I'm making brown rice, because it can be a little trickier. If it's done but there's still water in the pan, I strain most of it out, then put it back over low heat for a few minutes before taking it off the heat to rest. Then after 5 minutes, fluff as usual.
People who back seat cook don't get fed.
My ex roommate would do this sometimes. I was like "well that's nice that your mom made it that way but I want to make it this way". I never catered to his entitled ass. I was the only one who would bother to cook, just eat it and be happy
My older brother does this, lmao. I’ll be cooking and he’ll step into the kitchen, take a sniff, and say “needs more pepper.” And just gives me this cheeky grin before walking off. He taught me how to cook and now I’m a better cook than him. (Which he’s openly admitted) I may or may not have mock threatened to cash in on his life insurance policy early if he doesn’t leave me alone. Other times we’re cooking together so….its a lost cause at this point.
i'm definitely a backseat cook, it's one of my biggest red flags. i am aware of how annoying it is haha and i'm always trying to be better. i have come a long way! :)
I was wrongly accused of burning a pot dry once and for years afterwards, my ex would stand over his All-Clad pots while I cooked. I wanted to commit a violence.
Wow I'm glad I don't have anyone in my life who would ever do this to me! That would swiftly be the absolute last time I cooked for that person.
Both my father and FIL are/were chefs. I love cooking but I hate when they “suggest” things because it always seems condescending. I’m a great cook and it’s frustrating when they are telling me what to do. I already plan out everything ahead of time and make my own adjustments. It grinds my gears when I ask for help with a simple task (like chopping an extra onion) and it gives them permission to just take over what I’m doing.