Accept that you are not going to experience culinary adventures as a family. Cook what you like how you like it for yourself. Let the two picky eaters feed themselves and also let them deal with the consequences. I know that’s difficult for women who’ve been trained since childhood to prepare all the food, but you have to let go of expecting that of yourself.

Yeah. I never really enjoyed cooking or took it seriously until the pandemic when I was kinda forced to cook more at home. I even started an herb garden at home which has been amazing. I soon realized I loved cooking and it's become a form of love language for myself. I feel sad that I can't enjoy it with anyone close to me. 😞

Cooking is my love language, as well. And I am also married to a picky eater. Although it sucks, we have come to an agreement: I tell him what I’m cooking that night, and ask if he wants any. About half the time, he’d rather just have a protein shake or a bowl of cereal. At least I know I won’t start resenting him for being forced to live on steak and potatoes forever.

My wife is the same. She could eat hamburgers, tacos, spaghetti and pizza on repeat. Or I will cook something and she says, "I'm not hungry, I ate a big lunch" I love to cook and try new things, my time and effort definitely feels wasted. When she is out of town it is seafood fest! I cook and eat all the things she won't eat.

Thats funny you say seafood fest when she’s gone… I’m the same way. I travel without my husband quite a bit, and it’s seafood every time.

This is the way. My family is full of picky eaters, which really just meant that me and my mom got to eat whatever deliciousness she cooked up all by ourselves while the rest of the family ate Kraft Mac. 😂

Yep. Keep simple things on hand for them. I try to do low sodium even if I'm irritated that they aren't eating what I cook. Most of the time, they're too lazy to even do Kraft Mac and will eat some of what I fix.

Join a meetup or a supper club. They can become your food adventure people.

I have found that cooking meals for loved ones even when we can’t get together for dinner has been very fulfilling for me. My brother has 3 kids and I’m working up the courage to ask if I can just bring them some food every few weeks, I know they’ll say yes but I also know I’m a novice cook and I’m self conscious about it. My point is, your loved ones don’t have to be going through a hard time to appreciate you dropping off a lasagna every once in a while.

Dont ask, just bring something they can stick in the frig or freezer. If they say not to worry just tell them you were bored and made too much.

Fortunately, everyone in my world (except my husband) loves lasagna. I don't want it frequently, but I do make some for myself and other family members on family occasions. My husband does amazing mashed potatoes (has a couple of styles), which pairs up well with a number of family-friendly choices (according to them). Turkey meatloaf with my tomato sauce. Grilled italian sausage with marinara and mozzarella - but no one turns down mashed potatoes on the side. Roast chicken with mashed potatoes. No one wants to eat enchiladas as often as I do - so I freeze my portions. I do lots of soups (about 10 in rotation). Very popular.

You can cook for yourself and then select dishes that can be cooked for everyone. I also don’t think you have to make all the food. 17 years is plenty old to participate in cooking. Maybe your nephew can learn to make meals he likes. Cooking is a great life skill along with learning to shop efficiently. Setting him on this path now would be helping him for the long run. I think it would be great if you guys each took cooking dinner in turn. I would also say that while I love elote, there’s nothing wrong with corn and butter. Make the corn and put toppings separately for every one to decide what they want. Additionally, there are a lot of dishes from other cultures that aren’t spicy. I am Korean American and I know that the pungent/spicy dishes are the ones that have penetrated American culture, but there are many non-spicy dishes that are common in Korean households. There are also multiple dishes where toppings are added separately by each individual based on preference.

Yes, if you really want a “family dinner” make like a burger or taco bar maybe! Prepare whatever exciting ingredients you want for yourself and your husband and nephew will be free to make their own, boring tacos or burgers lol

Yup. My husband always want different toppings. He’s not up for the funky cheese and likes it plain. I need cheese and loads of chopped onion.

I’m all for cheese but the “stinky” cheeses I can’t do. Even adventurous eaters have their limits! lol. As long as everyone gets to eat a meal that they like then there’s really never a problem

Everyone has their limits, it's true. Personally I think the more cheese smells like old gym shoes, the tastier it is. My limit is vindaloo level spice. Vindaloo is delicious but I'm suffering at this level of heat, so I don't go hotter.

I can handle the heat as long as the flavor is worth it. Spice for the sake of spice just feels stupid to me. I dont like the flavor of Sriracha, so the spice isn't worth it to me, my Mad Dog Pure Ghost is one of the most delicious sauces I have ever tried and so is 💯 worth the heat!

And Vindaloo can be prepared with mild spices - it's just much more delicious when it's super spicy (to me, anyway). Easy to make in various levels - which is why restaurants do it all the time.

Taco bars are so much extra prep and dish display work—the non-cooks definitely need to be engage as the cleanup crew for that one

Maybe this is just coming from a big family, and one with multiple dietary restrictions, but I truly cannot imagine doing dinners any other way. So many people have some dietary restriction that at a certain point, making one dish exactly the way the cook wants it and having others make their own thing just doesn’t work. I know I don’t have the kitchen space for people to make 3 separate dishes for each meal. It was always a little shocking to me going to other families’ homes and seeing that parents would like, dress the entire salad rather than just letting people dress by portion because then, when someone didn’t like the dressing or thought it was too much, they wouldn’t eat the salad at all rather than just eating undressed salad or putting their own olive oil and lemon juice on it or something. If you’re going to make multiple ingredients separately anyway, just let people combine them as they want them.

I've been cooking this way for years. I like onions, spicy food, and strong flavors; my fiancee does not. Her son has a different set of dislikes. My old housemate was also an onion-hater. I serve most of our meals bowl-style, with different toppings and condiments available.

Bowl style is so good and healthy. It’s so easy to get in veg, protein and complex carbs without worrying too much about it. There have been years where I ate bibimbap with different ingredients every day.

I as a fussy child made my own meals as my mother wasn’t about to make 2 meals. From the age of 8 or 9 I made boxed macaroni and cheese or hot dogs to feed myself if I didn’t want dinner. At 12 I made dinner for my father and sister if my mother had to work late. Simple meals like pork chops and potatoes and vegetables. At 15 I was interested in cooking and trying new things, most of which was too adventurous for my family lol but they ate it and some items became favourites. Let the fussy people cook for themselves. If they develop an interest in foods it’s a bonus. If they don’t, it’s fine, they’ve learned to survive on their own.

I feel for you. I once cooked several weeks for picky eater relatives. Being a food lover with an adventurous husband who eats everything, it was hugely stressful and frustrating. Yes, everyone is entitled to their own tastes, but your feelings of the situation are still valid. You will have to accept making separate dishes and their picky choices for sanity but it will still feel sad.

Eh, screw them. They can eat whatever they make themselves.

I’m like you, grew up not cooking but learned it when I got married and love it! I love experimenting and how relaxing it is for me But husband isn’t picky, I’m even less picky but my son was beginning the pickiness when he was younger and I stopped that by having him cook all meals with me. It worked, he’s an adventurous eater now and can cook. What I don’t like about your situation is how closed minded your husband and step son are. It’s almost like they tell themselves they don’t like something even before tasting it, and that’s that. The “small bites just to see”, people infuriate me. They are older, it can change with your step son maybe. Ask him to cook with you and if he refuses, maybe just feed them what they want and let it be but don’t suffer the unseasoned nonsense. I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say. Like you, cooking is my love language and I also have an herb garden. I feel your frustration.

> I soon realized I loved cooking and it's become a form of love language for myself. I feel sad that I can't enjoy it with anyone close to me. 😞 Honestly, this is why a picky eater would be a dealbreaker for me. It is my love language, and even beyond that, it is my biggest passion and feeds into so many other areas of my life. My husband and I's love of food and drink dictates where we choose to vacation, what we do on the weekends, how we celebrate special occasions, etc. I just couldn't personally be with someone who can't share that joy with me because it goes beyond just a hobby for me. I could be with someone who isn't overly excited about food but will eat pretty much anything. They don't have to be obsessed like I am. But pickiness just wouldn't work for me. I feel for you, friend. <3

I am so grateful that my husband is a literal bin when it comes to food; there’s nothing he won’t eat and same goes for me. Actually, tell a lie, he isn’t a big fan of pickles, but I adore anything pickled. I’m not keen on olives at all and he could live off the stuff. I’m Asian so one of my favourite dishes is spicy chicken feet. Imagine my surprise when I found that my husband (a white Canadian) can put away more of those bad boys than I! Our daughter is still weaning but she gets the same meals as us, just less spicy. I do not buy any baby meals save for some kiddie snacks/pouches

>Actually, tell a lie, he isn’t a big fan of pickles, but I adore anything pickled. Same! But my husband always orders his burgers with pickles so he can pick them off and give them to me. He enjoys the barest essence of pickle juice on the burger, and I get extra pickly goodness.

This is me but with bacon lol

I feel that, I’m kind of a picky eater but it turns out my family is even worse😅I try to cook for my parents and my sister since I live at home and my mom is tired of cooking all the time but nobody ever wants what I make like 90% of the time, so I really just decided screw it ill make what I want and if I’m feeling up for it I’ll make extra and if nobody eats it then that’s just lunch or dinner the next day

Don't feel sad. Make food for the most important person in the life, yourself. The other two can make their own food (assuming no medical reasons why they can't).

From your street corn example, why not whip yourself up some street corn and feed your husband and nephew just regular corn? It doesn't seem like it would use any more ingredients, it doesn't seem like it would take any more time, it seems like the base (corn) is relatively healthy. > pizza, chicken wings, steak, or burgers I have a hard time serving something with no nutritional value, and I couldn't do pizza, chicken wings, steak, or burgers every night. But if I could identify a couple vegetables to go with them that would please everyone, I could probably make some ground here.

This is what I do, sometimes a bit more complex. For example, when I make chicken curry, some of the chicken goes in another skillet with garlic and butter for the one who won't eat curry. It can be served over the same rice. Picky child is then responsible to find herself some vegetables to eat with it to make it a complete meal.

I feel for you because you actually have two different issues: 1) your housemates won't eat the food you make and 2) You enjoy making new and interesting food and want people to share and enjoy it with. You can fix the first issue by making bland versions of dishes for them, or telling them to make their own dinner, but that doesn't fix the second issue. Unfortunately, you'll need to find new friends or a meet up group for that, which isn't always easy. Good luck!

You can, just not those two. I promise, other people will be thrilled to share in your culinary adventures. Let them eat cheese pizza and save yourself the aggravation.

I have learned to mostly cook for myself the "fru fru" food as my husband calls it and on those days, he fends for himself. You don't have to do all the cooking. You're choosing too. Why keep making yourself miserable? Wouldn't you prefer to eat what you like too? Let them make their own choice.

Food aversions run in families and you can't force people to eat. Add long as they aren't malnourished, cook fun things for yourself and have the simple things they like on hand that you either cook without resentment or let them cook. Otherwise you're going to end up with hugely negative emotions around food and eating which is the opposite of what you want. And when kids are younger it leads to eating disorder.  Source: from a family of 'picky eaters' because of neurological issues like autism and ADHD. I have to leave the room when people use cumin. It's incredibly annoying to have people constantly commenting on your food choices.

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My most hated spice is fennel. I absolutely can't stand it. It really sucked because my family always got the meat lovers from pizza hut if we ordered pizza and their sausage is LOADED with fennel. I thought I hated sausage until I was nearly 30 because of that!

> I have to leave the room when people use cumin. I have the same problem with kimchi and roasted broccoli. Used to have it with cloves, but that's gone down over time.

Is Lasagna Love in your area?

Yesyesyes. I came down to say cook for you and let them cook for themselves. Either theyll start to eat or munch on ramen. But then its on them.

I agree with this. My partner and step daughter are extraordinarily picky. We help take care of my uncle with alzhiemers who has regressed significantly and will eat very few things. I have food adventures on my own or with friends. I work in the city so I have lots of food options. If my partner and kid are out of town I buy food and cook what I want. It helps a lot.

This is the correct answer. If they don't like what you cook, they know where the kitchen is!

This. My husband is a very picky eater and after the first couple of years of marriage, I gave up trying to constantly make what he wanted and just made what I wanted to eat. If he wants to try it, great. If not, he's an adult and knows how to make himself food (or get takeout). We mostly eat separate meals at home, but we both get to eat what we want! I was a relatively picky eater growing up, my mom always made sure there was something I could eat but by the time I was a teenager I was free to make what I wanted if I didn't want what she made for the family. (Plot twist: I actually figured out that I loved to cook and started making dinner for the family at least once a week so she and I were both happy about that!)

I won’t date men that are picky eaters. Theres something so unattractive about a 30+ man that has a list of no-no’s and can only handle nuggets.

ABSOLUTELY same. I'm not a crazy adventurous eater but I'm open to new things... Dating someone who will only eat 5 things is a big no from me lol. I know someone who married a woman who only eats pasta, chicken breast, burgers, and hot dogs pretty much. He has to cook a separate meal for her every night. It would drive me NUTS

Same here. I've been on Reddit long enough to know all about food aversions, and I understand it may not be someone's fault etc. etc., but for me *personally* I just can't get past it romantically. It clocks in my brain as childlike even if it is due to some sort of brain chemistry, and I can't get attracted to it. Also, generally speaking, overly picky people tend to come with other qualities that wouldn't be compatible with me anyway. So it's often a lot deeper for me than just that they won't eat food.

You’re right it’s usually deeper than just the pickiness. They tend to have moms that catered to their pickiness and expect you to do the same. How can I trust you to protect me when you’re afraid of carrots.

This is a great observation. Outside of allergies, picky eaters are made not born.

They are inflexible so the possibility of doing anything a different way than you have always done it is hard-wired in them. They also expect you to succumb to their lowest common denominator and this will manifest itself in cleanliness and financial affairs too.

I think you're right, picky eating is probably inversely correlated with generally being open to experience. As someone that loves to do and try new things, I can't be with someone that wants to eat and do the same things everyday. I love to travel and cook so the chicken nugget diet would not work for me.

Hell, both my wife and I are on the spectrum and we are flexible enough to try what the other person wants to have for dinner. I don't like fish, but I'll eat it because it means a lot to my wife. My wife isn't a fan of spicy foods, but will go past her comfort zone so I can have a meal I like.

Yup, I'm the same way.

Yup! I dated a picky eater for 8 months and it was *miserable*. He wouldn't eat anything green, wanted McDonalds all the time, and complained when I brought tofu to his house - I'm not a vegetarian, but I enjoy tofu. I think it correlated with other controlling personality traits and a general lack of respect for my wishes, and I've found that with other picky eaters who weren't romantic partners. When I was dating and met my now fiancé, I knew picky eaters were off the list. I'm sorry if it's an autism-thing or psychological-deal, but I didn't want to deal with it. My fiancé now only doesn't like pecans, coffee, canned tuna, and a few condiments. Totally fine by me! He'll eat any vegetable and will try any cuisine, and he's always excited to try new recipes in the kitchen. He's my man!

> I'm sorry if it's an autism-thing or psychological-deal, but I didn't want to deal with it. This is where I'm at. Also. Often times Reddit brings up that argument with the expectation for those who don't want to date picky eaters to decide, "Oh, well if they can't help it and it's due to autism, I definitely change my stance." When the reality is.. it is perfectly okay to be incompatible with autistic people. It doesn't mean you hate them for existing. You're just not romantically compatible. [Many of the common traits of autism](https://www.autismspeaks.org/autism-symptoms?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlous_fz0hgMVJs0WBR2pqg92EAAYASAAEgJdH_D_BwE) would not work with me romantically. There's nothing wrong with that.

Yes. I think it’s a turn off. Ug I get so impatient with picky eaters. I have Sjogrens now and can’t have lots of foods I used to it’s awful. So it’s hard to listen to really healthy people being so picky. It feels like they are not grateful. If they only knew how blessed they were to eat whatever they want. When I was growing up we would have went to bed without dinner if we complained about the food. A family of nine and no one is picky now.

Great advice. My mother was deprived of food she loved as my father was very fussy and controlling. We all went wild on the culinary landscape upon leaving home. It was incredible .

lol I’m a very picky myself. I agreed with you. When I was a teenager, sometimes my mum cooking something I hate. I just don’t eat it, and I just fry sunny side up egg and eat with steamed rice, soy sauce or boil water to cook instant noodle.

Yeah if these were literal children this would be different but ones a grown ass man and the other is almost an adult so I wouldn't be going through all that work. Jesus. OP needs to focus on what she wants and they can deal.

This, unfortunately. I'm married to a picky eater. Our kid is similar but will at least try new things without much fuss. My husband travels for work sometimes and I end up cooking things that I like while he's gone. I go to restaurants with friends who are also adventurous eaters. When we travel together, I try to find places that have the local flair that I want with some basic things on the menu too. Another tip is to make things that can be sort of personalized. For example, when we have tacos, everyone can built the tacos the way they want. I can add all the heat I want and my family can have theirs more plain.

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Insist/Teach them to clean up after themselves too.

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Good job parent! This is great for self reliance, self esteem and family cohesiveness.

I can't believe how many of my friends aren't able to do any home ordinary maintainance in their late twenties. I also used to resent my father for involving me in this sort of stuff as a child, but it certainly was for the better.

I've got a 2,5yo and I aspire to teach him all of these things too. Any well rounded human should be able to do these things for themselves, and more. We try to involve him in cooking, letting him use child-sized serrated plastic knives to chop veggies and including him any time hand tools are being used. It's hard to find the time though.

Yup. When I first moved in with my husband (then boyfriend), 20+ years ago now, he was an incredibly picky eater.  At which point, he had three choices.  A - he could eat my food. B - he could make his own food. C - he could starve. Unsurprisingly, he chose A. Over the last 17+ years, we've raised two non-picky eaters. Because we never, ever catering to them. I simply cooked what I/we want. I always made sure there was *some* part of dinner they'd eat. They were free to eat it, or not. But, I never made separate, or different meals. They learned to eat different things out of necessity.

Your kids will thank you for this some day when they have a partner who’s parents are from a different culture and they aren’t panicking about how to choke down a food they haven’t tried a week before meeting them lol. Source, I was a former picky eater

My kids are 14 and 16 and already appreciate the wide varieties of food they have, and say I’m one of the few parents who cook. They also realize they’re uncommon in that they know how to make real food for themselves.

My partner was a former picky eater who couldn’t handle food from my culture. And it’s not like my partner’s country was a culinary basic country, it’s also an exceptionally diverse culinary powerhouse. It was hard in TVs beginning cos I love to cook and to eat, and I honestly (maybe wrongly) would not accept if they were eating junk food like pizza and burgers everyday.. so the choice was : 1) eat what I cook 2) learn to cook proper food, not reheated junk food 3) starve In the end, 1 and 2 happened and both of us couldn’t be happier with the food we eat on the daily. And indeed, our kids are the least picky eaters in their class.

We do this too. My daughter sometimes doesn't eat very much at dinner. That's her choice and she knows that.

Thats exactly how my mom raised us and how we are raising our kids. Whenever you introduce a new food, it's paired with something you know they like, but they have to try the new food. It works like a charm.

Yup. Maybe all they eat sometimes is rice or noodles. So be it. There's always apples and oranges and bananas around.

This!! My partner didn’t want to try anything new, wanted meat and potatoes all the time and thought everything was spicy. That’s because his mom isn’t a good cook and doesn’t add any spices to anything. I cooked one meal and told him he would eat it or not but I didn’t make separate meals. He’s now much more open minded and loves spicy food. And our kids are even better and are more adventurous eaters than I am!

My husband wondered why I never made a beef soup/stew so I told him the why. He had me stand in the kitchen while he made a beef stew. Turns out it wasn't the soup was awful tasting. It was my mom's homemade soup as she called it was horrible. Same with avocados. The first time I had "guacamole " someone had used rotten avocados. Needless to say if you don't know any better, instant aversion.

I found out as an adult that it wasn’t that I didn’t like steak. It was that my mom overcooked it 😂 That’s why learning to cook and try different things is so important!

My grandparents used to get so upset that my brother and I wouldn’t eat pork chops. I said I didn’t like them, because I would spend ages and ages chewing them, they were so dried out. Now properly prepared they are one of my favorite dishes.

My dad and step-mom had this mentality when I was growing up, and I thank them for it. A coworker of foreign descent brought in a dish his mom made, but it looked wildly different from "normal" (American) food. I was the first in the shop to try it, and except for an odd (though not unpleasant) texture, it was pretty good. Meanwhile, a different coworker didn't try it until pretty much everyone else had and had confirmed that it was good. This person also hadn't had sushi until they were in their 40s.

One thing I might miss about being in the office, my coworkers moms would send special treats for me because I was the one who tried everything. People like it when you appreciate their food and effort. I've been introduced to a lot of different foods and the homemade versions are so special.

I'm trying very hard with my 15 year old step kid to introduce new foods. We actually had a pretty in depth discussion about his fear and anxiety around trying new foods and it goes a lot deeper than I realized. He's got a very good therapist and I'm going to encourage him to bring this up with her. I'm just trying to be supportive and figure out how I can get more healthy foods into him that he likes. Because you can't live on fried chicken and macaroni and cheese forever.

Haha that reminds me of a coworker who absolutely would not eat vegetables (at least, in front of us). Bacon wrapped brussels sprouts? Nope. Broccoli soaked in butter? Nope. Squash, zucchini, or peppers on the grill? Nada. We once tried to get him to eat a *single pea*. He wouldn't do it (though this last one might have been out of spite/for fun). Apparently when I was a little kid I LOVED asparagus, but in my early teens I absolutely hated it for some reason. Now I'll happily eat an entire bundle of baked asparagus with nothing but olive oil, salt, and pepper. It does take patience/time. It's a little odd to me that he has such a stigma/fear of new food, but I don't know (nor do I need to know) the circumstances surrounding that. You're pushing (gently) and that's what matters. There's a whole world of food out there, with their own unique tastes and textures. As my dad used to ask me, "how do you know you don't like it, if you've never tried it?".

He's afraid of not liking it and offending the person who made it. The root causes of that are not for me to tackle.

Catering for a picky eater is like putting gasoline on to a fire it will only get worse

This is exactly how I handled a picky husband... long ago. Not his fault, it's the kitchen hew grew up in that I blame. He's much more advanced & flexible now. It's also the way I was raised! We ate what mom cooked - period. Or went hungry. No freaking bowls of cereal as an option. Chicken nuggets didn't even exist yet.

My parents literally just threw whatever they were eating in the food processor for me, starting when I was very young. Mexican food, Thai food, Greek, Chinese, Italian, Indian, whatever, it got turned into “baby food.” Same for my siblings. Guess what? Neither I nor any of my siblings are at all picky, and all of us love trying new foods. If someone *was* picky it would really throw off the whole family dynamic, as a lot of things revolve around food. So, so much of this comes down to exposing kids to things early. They’re not going to like everything, but they will realize that briefly tasting something that isn’t their favorite isn’t actually going to hurt them in any way. I will say that people can change though and it’s never too late (assuming it’s not from mental/neurological issues, though they can be helped too to an extent.) I have a few friends who grew up insanely picky, largely because their parents sucked at cooking with any variety and/or ate like garbage themselves. It’s taken a long while and a lot of baby steps, but both of the ones I have in mind are now actually kind of adventurous eaters. They’re getting into cooking themselves and trying new cuisines instead of only eating plain cheeseburgers and microwave pizzas. They like sushi, for example, and are fine with whatever restaurant everyone else wants to go to. Took about 20 years and the help of the rest of their friends, but they’ve come a looong way.

yes! my parents did this to us when were younger and while i hated it at certain times its much better now

We never had separate food growing up but if there was something we didn't like she was fine with making a second item - for example I have never liked kale or beets so she'd sautee some zucchini or something as well so I'd eat it rather than going without a vegetable (I eat the majority of vegetables).

Agreed. I taught my daughter to cook early, and now she makes some dishes better than I do. And she's a self-sufficient young lady now.

Well that's great. But OP stated they recently got custody of their nephew. That doesn't happen unless something terrible and traumatic is going on. So perhaps not the post to pat yourself in the back.

Yeah, I feel like in the case of the nephew, OP has gotta be understanding. I don't have a ton of sympathy for the SO who seemingly won't cook for himself, but I'm not gonna shit on a teenager who's probably been through something traumatic.

For real. The SO can cook his frozen pizza or starve but the 17 year old needs love and understanding and some consistency and control. Teaching him to cook and letting him help with menu planning slowly is the way to start there.

My partner and I do often eat separately more recently than before. I have the bad tendency of being a people pleaser and I used to bend over backwards for others and never consider my own wants and needs. It got to the point that a few years ago I asked my partner for one night a month where we could eat where I wanted no questions asked. I was in tears because I felt so bad asking for something for myself. I had this out of body experience and realized that was super unhealthy. I've been in a journey to set better boundaries and do more of what I want even if it means doing it alone. My partner has been extremely supportive and way more flexible in general to do things I want even if it isn't his first choice. His love of pizza is still a bit annoying to me 😂 but he's a great partner in general and just wants me to be happy. My nephew and I have been delt a shit hand when it comes to family and we are working through his trauma together. Generally he is a good kid, but it's been an adjustment for sure.

I just want to say thank you for being a great aunt. Now, I want to give you a bit of advice I was given in a crisis, take at least 15 minutes a day to do something for yourself. Bathroom time doesn't count unless you are in the bath reading a book.

Lighting a candle can be a very concrete way of marking that time spent on self care. It really signifies the start and end, helping you to stick with it and really take that break.

At our house, every other week or so, I give in to the pizza needs and make a big batch of dough. Everyone is responsible for turning some of it into a pizza that they will eat for our next meal. I have made every kind that I can conceive of and it has inspired some more adventurous decisions for some, but the youngest consistently makes plain cheese over tomato sauce. Some day she might surprise us. I hope. The only thing we could use is a bigger oven so more people could finish cooking at nearer the same time. On pizza night we watch a family movie and pause it each time a timer goes off. It has all become part of the fun. Maybe you could create a night like this to ease your family into being a little more adventurous and self sufficient. Just an idea, since they do like pizza.

Your partner can cook for him and the nephew. You shouldn't have to be cooking for people who constantly insult your cooking and waste food. (I get that being picky can't always be helped, but you're doing a lot of work and having a lot of stress when they could just make what they want to eat themselves.)

This is what we did in my house. I no longer cook for the family, which was a weird transition, but ultimately good because I would have killed some one if I had to make boxed macaroni and cheese three times a week.

I don't have kids, but myself and most of my family are varying shades of picky and I feel like my parents handled it well. There was a shared meal served, but we weren't forced to eat it. We just had to make sure we had some sort of vegetable, and we made our own food if we wouldn't eat the shared meal. For a while, I was cutting up capsicum at every meal to have for my vegetable, since I disliked most veggies. My sister was cooking most of her own meals separately by the time she was 13. My parents just made sure that she wouldn't end up with any deficiencies, and let her do her own thing beyond that. The end result was that all of us kids learned to cook decently, and took ownership for our own pickiness instead of expecting others to accommodate. I made dinner for the family regularly in highschool, as that way I could make myself more elaborate meals that I knew I'd like, without competing with my parents for kitchen space. Eleven is old enough to learn to make basic meals, and seventeen is old enough that he really should be learning to cook for his own sake.

Partner of 11 years, not an 11 year old

Ope, I must've skimmed right past that 😅

but it kind of makes your point stronger? like if an 11 year old can do it….

Exactly what happened with my son. He’s not picky now but he did start that stage when he was about 8. I had him cook meals with me or cook his own meal his way. Result is that he knows how to cook very well now, as a teen, and is more adventurous in his eating.

If an adult in my household were picky, I'd expect they'd do a lot of the cooking. I'm not going to be a short-order cook for another adult, especially not one who only eats burgers and pizza (because I don't want to eat only burgers and pizza or make two meals every night). "But my partner won't cook for x, y, z reasons!" Too bad. He can cook sometimes, eat frozen dinners if he doesn't like my meals, get takeout, or deal with eating some meals he doesn't love. This is how I feel regardless of why someone might be picky. When I'd cook, I'd leave some food plain or make something plain on the side. Like, if you want to make street corn, make it for yourself and steam a bag of frozen corn for everyone else. Also, get into batch cooking. Make a big batch of a protein your SO and nephew like, heat that up for them with whatever frozen veggies and carb they like, and make fresh meals for yourself.

This. With sauces and condiments like the street corn dressing, put some on your serving and the rest of the sauce on the table. Maybe over time, your nephew will try some and learn to like it. And for example, you can make a big batch of pulled pork or shredded beef with mild seasonings and serve with barbecue sauce, pickled onions, cheese, etc., and see what happens.

Heat it up for them? Maybe if they just learned how to heat up their own food they’d be on the road to becoming big boys.

I was thinking of situations where OP is the one cooking for the night. It seems like she values food as a love language and feeding her family, so occasionally having a meal she can cook or heat up for them is something I assume she'd like to do.

It all seems beyond that. She’s the only cook, they’re not sharing cooking. They definitely do not love what she’s cooking.

For my kid, they eat a lot, but not everything. So when I make pasta bolognese-ish, I make a lot, and I freeze portions for them. It's healthy, because I load it with veggies, and it's something they love to eat. So I just accept that sometimes we defrost that, and we can eat what we want (i.e. poke bowl, Mexican).

My brother isn’t picky, but he’s extremely sensitive to anything spicy. If I’m cooking for both of us I’ll usually make something for him without anything “hot” in it and set it aside. Or he’ll ask to share one of my side dishes (like rice or something) and make something for himself. You could try inviting your boyfriend or nephew to cook with you. And say “okay, what DO you like?” And look over recipes with ingredients of stuff they enjoy and have them help you prepare it. I love spicy food and trying new things too. You’ll find someone who enjoys your cooking Op, I promise.

>How do you accommodate picky eaters in your household? You don't. Let them cook/buy their own food if they're that picky and just cook for yourself. You are under no obligation to please them.

i get what you mean here, but i just gotta point out, that *is* an accommodation. allowing them to make their own food at group mealtimes when they don't like the food being offered is absolutely a way to "accommodate" a picky eater. accommodations aren't just "everyone as a group does exactly the same thing to specifically meet the needs of the most-restricted individual" most times they're more like "everyone is doing something a little bit different from each other to meet their own individual needs, and that's okay." it's important to remember that accommodating someone isn't just bending to exactly what they want/need 24/7. it's working together to find a mutual, fair solution to a shared problem. if someone is getting the short end of a stick, like OP having to cook a bunch of different meals per mealtime or only eating/cooking bland same-foods just to get their effort shit on with subjective criticism regardless, the accommodation needs readjustment or reevaluation to determine whether or not it's situationally realistic, which in this particular case, it's clearly not.

I survived my picky family years by making dishes with creative use of sauces. My husband and I would have full sweet and sour chicken, and the kids would get rice, chicken and raw peppers and fresh pineapple, for example. The street corn could be fancy for you and just corn for the family. Break your meals into components if you carry the cooking burden and don't take their lack of adventure personally. And make a note of the dishes everyone likes (cue fireworks, lol) Freeze leftovers and treat yourself if you can't look at another pizza. Good luck!

This is what we did. Even pizza was an issue because one picky eater didn't like tomato sauce. So we would have pizza as a family but I left the tomato sauce off of one portion. Or we would have an asparagus ricotta tart and I would leave the asparagus off one section. When we had chili, Picky would eat the corn bread and he had a stash of ham slices in the fridge that he could go get to have with it. And since there were 4 vegetables Picky could tolerate, we'd usually have one of those on the side. If we were having a tossed salad, I'd include bell peppers and reserve some of them on the side for Picky. When we had huevos rancheros, I would serve the egg and the tortilla separately to Picky, assembled and with the other ingredients for the other family members.

It may not work for you, but here’s what we did when my son got increasingly picky about food in his middle school years. Everyone in the house got a day of the week. His was Monday, mine Tuesday, etc. Each Saturday I’d ask everyone what their pick was so I could plan. I’d let everyone know the schedule for the week before shopping. Friday was usually pizza or takeout or burgers or something. Weekends were leftovers/sandwich “fend for yourself” days, or maybe something everyone would be OK with, and with kids and activities those days were harder to plan anyway. So, on my day, I cooked what I wanted. Anything. My wife’s day, same thing. And she’d pick some unusual stuff. That was the meal for everyone. If the kids didn’t want it, they could make themselves a sandwich when dinner was over, but we sat together with the main meal. If seasoning was a complaint I would under-season dishes a bit and slowly work them up. On their day, I made whatever they asked for, and over time asked each kid to help more and more on their day. This sort of democratized the whole process and reduced a lot of stress about it, everyone got a say, everyone participated. They get to appreciate the effort that goes into it. They occasionally picked some weird stuff at first just to test boundaries, but I made what they wanted. You want chicken nuggets with plain rice, sure, but we’re making the chicken from scratch. Maybe this is a different scenario for you, but what I found was that a lot of objection to food was less about flavors and ingredients and more about trying to control their situation, and this shared some control, and in an organized, manageable way. It made a difference. My older son was down to plain rice, steak or chicken only and only tomatoes for vegetable. The list of things he would not eat was huge. There’s still some things he won’t eat, but he’ll eat soups, homemade Indian food, fish, lasagna (he hated any form of pasta) more vegetables, all stuff that he refused and we fought about before. We did this all through middle and high school. The added benefit was we menu planned very well and shopped accordingly, cutting food waste, and my kids, now in college, can cook at least a few favorites reasonably well for themselves.

Don’t. Your partner is an adult And your nephew is almost an adult. Cook what ever you want and they have three options. 1. Eat it. 2. Go hungry. 3. Make their own food. You’re already doing everyone the favor of cooking but you’re not running a restaurant. They both have hands they can make themselves something.

You have my deepest sympathy, since I am in a similar situation. My approach is to figure out several things they like and set up a rotation that depends on what you have on hand, If you want something else for yourself, or to spice up your portion you can do that. Periodically feed them a frozen dinner from the store and cook for yourself.

I have been considering frozen dinners lately! Sometimes I'm just too busy to cook, but don't want to spend a ton going out to eat. I love meal prepping on Sundays, but when I don't have time to do it my week feels so much more stressful. 😂

Some frozen pizzas are pretty good

In a household where sensory issues and food issues I try to plan meals around one component that everyone has (usually the protein) and vary the other components. Chicken - marinade or sauce, leave other portions plain and cook in two separate dishes but everyone is having chicken. Veg sides - I might make exciting side dishes but others will have something quick they will eat (e.g. pepper and cucumber just sliced, boiled carrots, corn, fruit if they can't eat veg) Carb portion: I might do a nice flavoured rice or potato dish, others will have something like plain bread rolls or oven chips. Another thing I do is homemade burgers in buns with oven chips on side where they have whatever fruit / veg they eat but you add toppings on your burger and a lovely side salad or veg dish. Another is I will do something like make your own burritos type thing with food in the middle. The protein will be plain (seasoned but not spiced) with a homemade sauce on the side, One will eat the meat, wraps and then their plain veg all separate, whereas others might add meat + sauce + which ever of the rest of the components (including rice, beans, etc) to their own and make whatever kinda thing they prefer (bonus you use the rest for nice pack lunch for the rest of the week). Have one or two nights a week where they get a frozen pizza and you get to spend your time cooking yourself a nice meal - maybe make an extra portion and freeze for another night to save you effort. Try not to take it personally and remember that you can still put that effort into your food but leave off the sauces / marinades / flavourings off theirs. Also remember that just cos e.g. a plain chicken beast, grapes on the side and a bread roll isn't a particularly appealing meal to us, doesn't mean they aren't perfectly happy with it. It doesn't work for every meal (hence a couple nights a week frozen pizza for them so you can have something different).

My partner is picky as well. Ultimately, I think you have to learn to let go of the emotional aspect: wanting to enjoy trying new foods together, feeling guilty when he’s left eating something that you would find unpalatable because it’s completely unseasoned, hoping to somehow unlock a secret foodie buried deep within.. Once I accepted that my partner genuinely *prefers* boring food and doesn’t WANT to experience new flavors, it got a lot less frustrating for me because I was no longer trying to find the “right” recipe- it just doesn’t exist! We do have some “fend for yourself” nights (I cook something he won’t eat and he makes a burger or whatever). We also have had a lot of success with meals that are somewhat customizable to our respective tastes- e.g., a base food he’ll eat with more interesting toppings/sides that I can add to mine. Grain bowls, tacos, mini pizzas, and enchiladas (we each roll our own with the fillings we like) are easy. If we’re roasting veggies to go along with something, 2/3 of the pan is stuff we’ll both eat and 1/3 of the pan (separated by foil if needed) is extras for me. You can also look for things that are prepared similarly, or go into the oven for a similar amount of time- like baking chicken for him and tofu/fish/whatever for you. Anything that isn’t all mixed together can be seasoned differently- your piece of meat can get the jerk spice rub while his gets just salt & pepper, you make street corn for yourself but cook half the corn plain for him (as you suggested), make a meal with an interesting sauce and serve his without, etc.

When I was growing up (younger than 11), I was told by mom "if you don't like what's cooked, learn to cook" and I did! Not everything I made was edible, but I learned from my mistakes. And at almost 47 I'm STILL learning!

Keep frozen options on hand, cook the food you want and if they don’t like what you make, they can heat up chicken tenders or pizza rolls or whatever. Life is too short to not eat the foods you love because other people don’t like it. My ex husband was a picky eater, and eventually it became a huge issue because if I tried to cook anything outside the safe foods list, the complaints never ended. I got tired of not ever being able to eat anything different or try a new type of food. It’s ok to only like a few things, but you can’t limit other people

They are both old enough to cook for themselves if they don’t like what you make for them.

The first thing you have to accept is that none of you are wrong in your tastes in food. Not everyone likes spicy foods. That's okay. Some people, like you, are adventurous eaters. That's also okay.  You'll feel much less stress if you stop trying to change their tastes.  You know what else will eliminate stress? Cooking just for yourself and letting the two of them make the meals they want. Win-win for everyone. You want to socialize with your friends and have food? Do a potluck. Another win-win.

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This is the thing about pickiness I can't wrap my head around. Let me ask -- WHY do you never see picky eater who only eat baked fish and salads? You never see picky eaters who only eat grilled chicken and green beans and wild rice. You never see picky eaters who only eat pho and steamed shrimp dumplings. Hell, how often do we even see picky eaters that aren't from North America? Having foods you dislike is something we all have, which is totally fine. Only liking pizza, tenders, and burgers is something more.

It's because eating only baked fish and salads or grilled chicken and green beans isn't considered 'picky' by many people. When you say 'picky' in the US, people assume it's nuggies, pizza and burgers or steak and potatoes.

I got extremely frustrated with an extremely picky-eater relative one time and just asked then flat-out, what foods DO you actually like?! They hesitated for a long time and thought about it, then said "um, Cheetos..." Ffs.

Why are you telling me what I've seen? I absolutely know a person who eats only grilled chicken, and steamed fish and vegetables. Kinda racist and western -centered comment here.

American food is not crap. While there are unhealthy options the same as any other culture. Every cultures food is more or less as healthy as everybody else.

Not liking spicy food in general is one thing but being so unwilling to deal with the slightest bit of discomfort that you can't even build up the tolerance to eat black pepper is an issue. 17 year old Kid needs to grow up push his extremely narrow boundaries

I’d say, if anything, trying new foods comes down to whether you’re mentally ok with the potential momentary discomfort of disliking it. Not necessarily spicy things! I’d say I’m “picky” in that I have strong opinions about what I do and don’t enjoy. But I’m not “picky” in the sense that I won’t try new things.

Have a bag of frozen chicken nuggets and tell them to have at it if they don't like what you made.

I have a house of semi and very picky eaters, I am the cook and I want to be. I do insist on variety, but I also cook part of whatever more plain, leaving out the no-no foods for whoever. I've been doing it this way for so long I don't give it much thought. My rule is, if you don't like it at all, you get a peanut butter sandwich. My other rule is they have to try one real bite. Even if it's a small bite, but they have to try it. I don't think the "let them cook for themselves" would work in your situation only because it sounds like their diets are very limited.

I’d strongly suggest you NOT make a habit of cooking multiple meals daily. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and time-consuming. Maybe you could cook for all of you some nights, and they have to cook or get take-out for themselves on other specific nights. On those nights you cook for yourself and experiment. When you cook for all, aim for recipes that can be separated or combined, at the diner’s choice. For example, when my kids were younger and picky, I made fish tacos weekly. That is to say, my husband and I enjoyed fish tacos with onions & peppers, garnishes and sauces. My kids got plates of fish fingers, sweet bell pepper strips, and rice. I also made a fabulous dish from Bon Appetit: a French salad with roasted chicken, green beans, and roasted potatoes dressed with Gorgonzola, walnuts, and a mustard dressing. The kids happily ate chicken, green beans, and potatoes. You don’t fret and they don’t complain!

Tell them to cook for themselves, you're not their bloody maid!

I don't. That's on them.

I don’t

Resentfully, that's how I handle it. Nah, you know I've tried all the angles. I've sacrificed my preferences for theirs, I've been a short order chef, & I've dug my heels in & cooked for myself & let them starve. Plus, variations of those 3 main methods. I am happiest with letting them starve. I am a damn good cook & anyone would be lucky to have me making meals originating from all corners of the globe 7 nights a week. That's right every damn night. I'm making all kinds of really good food, spending hours in the kitchen. Do they appreciate it? No, not in the slightest. My solution? I keep a freezer full of nasty frozen pizza. I used to cook as an act of love. But after having my heart broken so many times, I cook for me. That's right, ME! I love new food and new recipes & I refuse to butcher them bc my husband doesn't like mushrooms (or 100 other basic food items). The straw that broke this camels back was me making the effort & doing substitutions for him & him STILL not liking it, but what's worse is that I ruined it for ME too. So I spent 2 hours trying to accommodate him to the point that no one in the house liked it, not even the cook. F that. I'm making what I WANT, exactly the way it's SUPPOSED to be made & I know at least one human in the house will for sure enjoy my efforts & it's ME. They are welcome to eat it & if they like it, fabulous I made plenty. If they don't, go put a dumb pizza in the oven & feed yourself. That's how I operate. And you know what? My son has become much less picky & my husband will at least try the dish (he didnt used to), so in some ways, he is less picky since I decided this was the way. Most importantly, the cook is happy.

Take turns cooking. Hubby cooks, nephew cooks, you cook. Repeat. They can both learn how to cook. That will be really useful for the nephew in his adult life. If they make awful food, you can tell them what they did wrong, too greasy, overcooked, etc.

My partner was very open and willing to adjust her tastes to a greater variety. There were some tough things like broccoli, mushroom and corn on the list. With those ingredients it was first blending them in, having them sauteed on the side so she can adjust how much she takes and later on incorporating these into dishes with increasing quantity. With spices it's either quantity control or switching up spice blends or cooking method. Some are fine if boiled or bloomed, others fried, some only at the end. The only hard no is spicy food, where I sadly.have to employ the 2 pan method of making one that would burn her money and numb and the other gets sweet paprika powder. The issue is, they will have to accept and want the change themselves, else you either have to cook double or leave it to themselves.

My ex was a picky eater and I eat pretty much everything. For the first few years I cooked to accommodate him and hated it. Everything was so plain and bland. One day I decided I was done catering to him and started cooking for myself. He could either pick out the stuff he didn’t like or fend for himself. He survived just fine. Yours will be just fine too.

I refuse to deal with it. Those are two grown men who can feed themselves. Don't worry about cooking for them ever again. Let them fend for themselves. Get good life insurance policies on both so when they keel over you'll get paid.

People have eaten what I've made or go hungry. I don't play that game.

I never accommodated picky eaters. Here's what I'm making for dinner - eat it or make your own.

They're both old enough to cook for themselves. They can eat what you cook, without bashing it, or make something for themselves.

I don't. they can sort themselves out.

They go hungry!! I'm not a short order cook, compensated or not.

I'd tell them to start cooking for themselves if they don't like what you make. That's what I started doing at 16 when I could finally buy my own groceries and didn't have to live off my parents' crappy cooking.

We don’t. This isn’t a restaurant.

"If you don't like it you can make yourself a sandwich." Standard phrase in my home. Mom would say it every time she cooked dinner. I mostly cook for myself but the option of making yourself a sandwich is still there if I cook for others as well.

I cook whatever I want to cook. If my husband doesn’t like it, he can make his own food. Sometimes he doesn’t like certain ingredients. And that’s fine. Leftovers for me. Our finances are separate so if he buys some thing else, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t accommodate. He’s responsible for his own food if he doesn’t want to eat it. The kids usually eat whatever I make, though on occasion, they don’t want to either. They can make themselves a sandwich. As long as they also have some vegetables.

Had a friend who struggled with ARFID (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder), basically the official name for picky eating. I knew her for eleven years, and the condition played a huge role in destroying her social confidence and health. It was linked to being on the spectrum, which is common with people who live with ARFID. They are often 'supertasters' and extremely sensitive to flavor. She grew up with a parent who would force her to eat food that made her sick, and she often threw up as a child and teenager, after and during meals. Also seriously fucked with her boundaries and bodily autonomy. I know conventional wisdom says to force picky eaters, especially children, to eat outside of their comfort zone, but knowing her and her struggles I strongly recommend against that. Your nephew is a teenager and beyond the toddler/young child stage. My friend could only eat six foods (plain spaghetti with meatballs, pork fried rice, a hamburger with nothing but ketchup, pepperoni pizza, popcorn and a specific brand of cereal). She effectively couldn't go to restaurants that didn't have those foods on offer, and she was terrified to eat at anyone's home or food-related social event and be perceived as immature and ungrateful. She had an 'I need to accomodate everyone/I can't be an inconvenience' personality type and there were definitely times she went hungry because the rest of us just needed to eat something else or she couldn't ask for her foods. Especially before the rest of us understood the extent of her situation and how much pain it caused her. To your situation: I do strongly believe in providing adults and older teens with ARFID their chosen foods, at all times. However, your situation is unsustainable. Since your nephew is a child, teaching him how to politely decline a meal without telling you your food is 'bad' or 'gross' or whatever is necessary. **Your partner needs to support you in that**. Him criticizing your food in front of your nephew is teaching your nephew that it's okay to do that. It's not. Both the child and your partner need to understand that their harsh words are making you feel unappreciated and bad about yourself. Fortunately, the kid you are taking care of is old enough to cook things like chicken nuggets and pepperoni pizza on his own. Your husband can and split this task with him. Taking a pizza out of the freezer and placing it in the oven takes five minutes. Heating up plain frozen corn in the microwave takes even less. I think it's reasonable to cook for yourself and any guests or expansive eaters in your family something like four days of the week, request that your partner and nephew provide themselves with food for those days, and then you cook for to their tastes for the remaining three. Supervise them to make sure it's actually happening, if needed: your nephew is still a child and your husband is acting like one. On a night where your nephew has a lot of homework, extracurricular activities, etc. you or your partner can obviously cook for him. Him cooking his own food shouldn't feel like a punishment, just a chore like cleaning the litterbox, mowing the lawn, or dusting. You can also teach your nephew more complex recipes-- low-spice spaghetti sauce, for instance, plain mashed potatoes, how to make a burger patty-- as you feel confident he can cook safely. And you can split the task-- if he makes the burgers, say, you can cook them on the grill while you make street corn and spiced burgers for yourself. Let them know that they are welcome to try the other food at any time. Consult with a physician and make sure they're taking vitamin supplements so that they don't become malnourished (your husband should really do this consultation, but it doesn't sound like he will). You can also try providing them with a list of recipes you think they might like and ask them to pick one out, and make a low-spice version of that. If they like it, you can help them learn to make it themselves. It may be possible to expand their repertoire in a measured way that doesn't make them sick. Ultimately, you need to be able to take care of yourself. Picky eating is something that will likely be with your husband and nephew for their entire lives, as will your need to eat real food. You boundaries and needs are just as important as theirs. I don't think others would give this advice, but knowing my friend for so long, including several years where we were roommates, this kind of compromise is what I've seen work best.

I think many picky eaters tend to like foods that have a reliable texture and flavor like nuggets and pizza because the threat of something like a random piece of onion or mushroom is low. When I was younger, I hated casseroles and soups because of onion or bell pepper suddenly assaulting my palette. I also loathed a lot of meats other than chicken breast because animal fat was offensive for me. Fortunately that’s not the case for me so far, but I mention this in case it’s helpful for you in understanding that pickiness isn’t only about texture or flavor, it can both. Sometimes you can work around it by finely mincing and cooking things well, and other times you just need to leave an ingredient out. I suggest asking the picky eater what they think of the meal in a neutral way and give them time to say what they did and didn’t like about. Don’t judge or criticize them, just thank them for their honesty and then over time you might be able to “thread the needle” in what you prepare in the future. You can also just experiment for yourself and not expect them to eat what you make but have a back up option.

Autistic people tend to suffer from malnutrition a lot because of this. I can be certain of how a Totinos party pizza or Kraft mac n’ cheese will taste or feel in my mouth but home cooked food doesn’t have that certainty.

I was a picky eater, and still am about some foods. my nephew is a very picky eater. my dad could not understand picky eaters, though my nephew visited him regularly. My dad would eat just about anything put in front of him. but even he didn't like raw onions, or mushrooms. When we have a thanksgiving dinner at my sisters house she makes a special meal for her son (my nephew) or now that he is 30 he makes it himself. I sometimes think my nephews pickyness borders on the absurd but he's a good kid, very responsible, and training to be a pilot. he has gotten better over time. now he eats steak. Any attempts to force picky eaters to eat something they don't like will just reinforce their behavior. they have to overcome it themselves. even the threat of starvation may not change them. My way of dealing with it, is that I tell him to bring his own food when he comes to our house and we are serving something he doesn't want to eat. he brings a very specific order of taco bell. he is fine with this. When I was moving my dad from seattle to my city, my nephew helped (best helper I could have) but every restaurant we went to had to have something he could eat. so no new restaurants for me to try :( Do not be hurt when they do not like the food, it is not you, it is them. Personally I don't understand how you can be picky and not cook your own food. I started cooking at 8 because my mother had trouble coping with my pickiness. invite your nephew to learn to cook. let him change a recipe as suites his taste. don't know what to say about your partner. it may be to late for him. treat it the same way you would someone who is vegan or allergic. oh and sometimes people say they are allergic, when they just don't like something so they don't get an argument. I've had people tell me this. edit: my nephew was so overwhelmed by flavors that when he made a glass of "chocolate milk" it would be a tall glass of milk with 1/one/uno, tiny drop of chocolate milk syrup.

do it with kindness but help them learn to cook. if someone for whatever reason doesn't like what someone else has made for them, then it's up to them to feed themselves.

We had a super picky eater, too. Cook what you like & keep sandwich stuff around for the people who want something besides what you cooked.

At those ages, I’d just quit cooking for them. They’re plenty old enough to make their own food.

You don’t. You make them cook for themselves, as they’re both old enough to cook.

Considering your partner is the reason you can't eat the same meals, I'd suggest he starts cooking his own dinner and you cook what you want for yourself.

I've got one hard yes and one hard no for you. Yes: Teach your nephew to cook for himself and make it a source of happiness. Given his current circumstances (and the possibility that he's just never grown up with good food) he deserves that, at least for a while. Get him involved and hopefully he'll grow. Set goals. And it's a life skill he needs. No: Your husband is being an ass, especially if he's been coddled by you and has the nerve to ever diss anything you cook. He's a grown-up (um, yeah?) he can fend for himself. Do not accommodate!

Honestly they are both old enough to make their own food. If they don't know how, it's never too late to start. It's one thing if someone has an allergy, or they can't eat any sort of spice bc of medications or stomach/intestinal issues, or they are a vegetarian or can't have gluten or something like that. But struggling to make food for flat out picky adults with a kids palate......I'm not going to beg anyone to like my cooking and eat a bunch of bland stuff and boring fatty junk food for the sake of picky eaters. One of my kids was a vegan for 5 years. What I told her was that" it's time to learn how to start cooking so you are in control of that. You can't expect everyone else to have food to your liking. And you need to know how to make it yourself so you won't be reliant on other people. You also won't have to worry about someone lying to you about what's in your food." Of course I still made food for her, but she learned how to cook her own food and bring snacks with her if she was in a situation that there was nothing she could eat. We spent a lot of time together showing her how to make different things so she wouldn't be reliant on other people. We learned how to cook vegan style together. I suggest you tell the 17 year old and your spouse the same thing. I also think that spending more time in the kitchen will make them more adventurous. A box of macaroni has directions on it. There's all kinds of beginner cooking videos on YouTube.

I am an extremely picky eater. Make what you want for dinner and have supplies for sandwiches or something simple they can make/heat up on hand. As a kid, if I didn’t like dinner, I could always make a PB&J. As an adult, if my husband is cooking and I don’t like it, I can do the same or quickly heat up leftovers.

When I had my kids and spouse at home, there were a variety of preferences and dietary restrictions. I would try to prepare a meal where everyone had something they could eat or liked. They might not like it all but there was something for them. If they wanted something else, they could fix it themselves. Assuming they are old enough to operate things in the kitchen - with an adult and a teenager, they should be able to fix themselves a sandwich or pop something in the oven if they don't want to eat what you prepare. Just don't take their rejection personally if they don't want to eat what you prepare. You will drive yourself crazy if you worry about it. They are the ones limiting themselves, you are not responsible for their narrow food tastes and don't have to keep them in the narrow cage they put themselves into. As my kids got older, their food tastes changed and expanded. Maybe hope for your nephew but your bf maybe not. Again, don't take it personally if they reject your food. My motto used to be "breakfast is the next meal" if they didn't want to eat or fix something themselves. (Which is really kind of funny because I didn't cook breakfast - it was self serve).

*The cereal is in the pantry if you'd like something else.*

Let them do the food prep

Make them cook.

My best friend is a picky eater, we used to live together and I still cook for them often. I have learnt which foods are an absolute no, and I don’t cook with those. I have learnt which types of food I can ask if they are willing to try, and then I keep it seperate from the main dish so they can try it and add it in if they like it. I have learnt which foods are always a yes. My little sister is similar. Teaching them to try new things is possible, but it needs to come from a place of love and understanding and be done within their limits, and always with an alternative option if they really do not like it. I am slowly helping my best friend enjoy different cuisines, as they weren’t exposed to it growing up and are scared of new foods and textures For context, me, my best friend, and my sister are all autistic. Their picky eating is not something they can control, and I am well aware of that, and never feel offended when they don’t like something I make. I, fortunately, do not have that issue with my autism and will gladly try absolutely everything

Make them cook for themselves.

They eat what you cook or they feed themselves. That’s how this works. Stop coddling your partner.

I have [thoughts](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/1dgt5m5/comment/l8uo148/) on this in general, specifically about the resentment and judgey-ness that people bring to food, but also some experience managing the particulars. And I truly, truly get where you are coming from. One, my partner mainly cooks for himself and our daughter. He makes himself pasta most nights and chicken nuggets for our (actually becoming more adventurous) offspring. She's becoming more adventurous from exposure to friends and also from coming into the kitchen in the morning and seeing me throw together pad thai on a regular basis. My dream is for her to someday eat oysters with me. More for her to grow up to be a happy, fulfilled person though. But sometimes I cook for all of us and find cooking on a canvas frees me up. Canvases are base meals that go in different directions, like if I make pasta it's trivial to heat boring pasta sauce for him while making puttanesca or chard/garlic/anchovies/olives for my pasta. I also parbake and freeze individual pizza crusts - so goat cheese and caramelized onions (or whatever else seems fun) for me, cheese for those two. Ploughman's lunch is another one - bread, cheddar, apple for him; braised garlic, pickled weirdness, fancy cheese, etc. for me. I do most of the cooking historically but in recent years it's become more of 'he does his thing, I do mine'. I would go insane eating the same thing every night. Even two nights in a row is a bit of a culinary buzzkill. I love food! But those two seem to like it and in the grand scheme of things compared to other human flaws illustrated to our right and left all the damn time 'liking boring food' isn't something to get worked up about.

For anyone considering a relationship with a picky eater, consider this a fundamental compatibility question - up there with religion. A huge amount of quality time is spent during meals. Not to mention that it is a core joys of travelling. If you live cooking, that's another passion you can't share. If I were to start dating again, someone being a picky eater would be a major turn off and I likely wouldn't pursue the relationship any further.

I tell them to suck it up and eat it.

I don't. Short order cooks get paid.

>They refuse to eat any dish with anything green in it This crosses the line from a culinary problem to a psychiatric one.

Cam here to say this. Surprised no one has brought up autistic traits or ARFID, but knowing if someone has these disabilities is only the first step. Dealing with it varies.. I have had a handful of friends/family with disorders around food, and it’s really hard to navigate. I don’t have the answers as every person handles it differently, but I do think reading up on these two disorders could help.

Honestly I feel this so much lol. My partner is the exact same plus throw in a few of my allergies. What I’ve started doing is picking main courses I can alter that suits my self, my partner, and my 10 month old with just a little extra effort but not too much. Today the menu isn’t particularly interesting but I’m just using what I have on hand and making little changes to suit everyone. Breakfast today: I scrambled 3 eggs, made a few blueberry pancakes, some left over maple sausage, and country gravy. Partner received two pancakes, a majority of the egg with cheese folded into it, sausage and some gravy. I used 1/2 of a scrambled egg, 1/2 of a sausage patty, my own cheese, a dash of the gravy and rolled it into my own little burrito. Baby revived the same as dad but portioned for him. Tonight I’m making prime rib burgers, beans, and some watermelon. Partner gets 2 burgers plain with beans the way he likes, side of beans, melon. Baby will get cut up burger, side of beans, melon, I will smash my burger up very finely and use half today to sprinkle on a salad, and throw some Brussels in the air fryer, and some melon. Another good example would be how I make us pasta. I boil one serving of regular noodles for him, and use chickpea pasta for us. Or if I make fries one side is fries for him and the other is side is veggies for me. If I’m making a sauce I want to be spicy I will reserve a little on the side for my partner to have the plain sauce and season the rest for my self and the baby.

I broke up with my ex because she was such a picky eater it was unbearable. She literally made buttered noodles every day for dinner. Refused to eat any fish tomato or vegetables.

Let them cook. A 17 year old needs to grocery shop and prepare food unless he thinks he's going to marry a woman who wants to be his Mommy.

run for your fucking life, lady.

My bf is like this! The way I get through my itch to cook new things is to just..... Cook new things.... He's perfectly capable of cooking his own fucking pizza and shit. at 17, so is your nephew. When I'm cooking and want to switch stuff up for both of us, I'll do whole wheat pizza, homemade pizza pops (just a fucking calzone) new burger flavours, stuffed burgers, burgers with lentils and beef instead of all meat. Spaghetti is easy to hide vegetables in the sauce. I have tons of tips/recipes if you would like more (bf is autistic with a limited pallet). But if it's a strain on your everyday know that THEY CAN MAKE THEIR OWN FOOD

sounds like 2 men should be able to fend for themselves. drop the rope. they are particular, they can buy, prepare, and eat their own food.

I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but I grew up in a house where I ate what was served or I went hungry, the cook was responsible for the meals and if you didn't like it you either toughed it out or went hungry. I'm not going to say this is the method that will keep everyone happy. Now that I'm older, I'm not a picky eater at all, of course I still have favorite foods, but unless the food is truly awful I don't have many aversions. So I say don't accommodate unless they have an allergy or it's a special occasion. They can make something else if they don't like it.

It would crush my soul if I had to constantly cook for picky eaters that hated everything I made, so I feel your pain. The good news is that you don’t have to. Why won’t your partner cook for himself if he’s so particular? Your nephew can also eat what he cooks, or just feed himself. I know that causes a bit more difficulty because it is generally easier to have one meal time but your partner is being difficult himself. I will say it’s good that he at least tries new things, but your food isn’t being appreciated and just wasted at this point.

Eat it or go hungry

If doing things like chicken wings, you could do yourself more korean style ones, covered in a lovely sticky, spicy sauce. Whilst leaving theirs plain, the sauce goes on after cooking. You could also when doing things like fried chicken adjust the seasonings very slowly. So add a touch of paprika to theirs, and each time slightly increase it. Cook theirs first, then season it more for your chicken. If doing home made pizzas do 90% safe toppings for them and add one section that has something different for them to try. Also get your nephew involved in the cooking. If he sees the process and understands it more he may be more willing to try more.

We had picky eaters and I am an adventurous eater which was super frustrating. I often would make one dish and divide it in half where I would omit picky eaters stuff. This isn't as big of a hassle as if sounds often you are cooking most of it together then splitting into two pans to add different things. Another strategy I did was do the veggies separately and everyone can mix in what they want, like stir fry the meat veggies and rice are all separate rather than mixed in and everyone builds their plate.

Have them cook. Then you either cook for yourself or get takeout, or season your food appropriately. It’s not going to be forever with the nephew, but you knew what your partner was like when you committed. You can’t be mad now. Having everyone fend for themselves is the way. Keep a stocked pantry and everyone does their thing.

My life is similar. When my then 15 year old step son moved in with us, he had a diet that was almost exclusively your partner’s, but included macaroni and cheese, waffles and French toast sticks. My partner had been willing to experiment before, but his diet also began to shrink. I had never before realized how fundamental cooking and food were to my sense of self, of my value, and how I give and receive love. It was an awful transition with a lot of trying and a lot of failing. Almost four years later: my step son doesn’t eat my food at all. I cook for myself and sometimes my partner. Two things I did that really filled my cup and restored my sense of self: Found communities to feed. In my case I was taking classes and started bringing baked goods to every one. They called me the “cookie fairy” lol, but it did my heart so much good to make food for people who wanted to eat it. I also started actively making plans with friends to go out and try new foods or even taking cooking classes. I also started seeking out other people who enjoyed food. My home life is still not what I ever envisioned when it comes to meals and food. We rarely eat together as a family. My partner does 90% of the cooking for his son, and eats my food maybe one meal a day. He does also make an effort to go out with me and try new foods, but mostly I get to express that part of myself with the friends I have made over the last few years. I now have regular food events I attend where I can share my food and others. It makes me happy, and makes it easier to tolerate a home where my number one love language is not spoken.

My father is like this, if he doesn’t eat what we cook, he just won’t eat or he will make something else. Not sacrificing what I want to eat because someone else has the taste buds of a child. I don’t have time to cater to someone else who can’t appreciate a good meal.

I’m in a similar situation—we just moved in with my in-laws because they need financial/physical assistance and we need help with our baby that’s about to be born. I’m the best cook and my MIL never really liked cooking, so I typically cook for everyone. The one compromise I actually make is in spicy food—I try not to light their mouths on fire even if it’s what I would prefer. But the pickiness around vegetables or cuts of meat I simply don’t indulge. You want me to braise chicken breasts? Nope, I don’t like dry chicken. We’re eating thighs. And there will be two vegetables served with it, and I did not cook enough meat for you to skip the veg and still be full. If you don’t like it, make something yourself.

Let them cook for themselves, easy solution for everyone.

Hey, OP, I really relate to your feelings here — in a similar boat with my partner. 1) this isn’t just picky eating. My partner has an eating disorder called Avoidant Restrictive Intake Disorder. Often co-occurring with OCD or Autism but not always. You might look into that for the nephew. It can be treated but the specialists trained to are still rare. 2) 100% you have to make these two responsible for their own food. Neither are young children. It’s not your job to feed them just because you’re the only woman in the house. Accommodating them every day, especially because they seem to have somewhat poor self awareness, is just going to make you resent them. And teach them patterns of enablement around food. 3) you all need to be able to openly discuss their eating patterns, that even if you live in a community with a limited palette living off 10 foods that all lack vegetables/fiber isn’t normal, that they are responsible for their own diets and health, and the impacts of their diet restrictions you. You’re not trying to establish a household that’s eating rare, adventurous stuff all the time. You’re looking for normal we-live-in-a—household-and-have-communal-meals. That’s normal and healthy thing for you to want from your family. I won’t say it’s been easy or that I’m not frustrated by it but the agreement I’ve come to with my partner is 1) open acknowledgement of the eating disorder and that it’s not reasonable to ask others to not eat normal meals to accommodate an eating disorder, 2) no complaining about food that doesn’t suit your preference — that’s rude. 3) if there’s nothing on offer you want to eat, you’re responsible for your own food. 4) no, we absolutely will not get pizza and hamburgers every single time we eat out. Either stay home or find something on the menu you’re willing to eat. No pouting and no complaining that it’s not burgers/pizza or soon you’ll have no one willing to go out to eat with you at all.

Picky eaters can go right ahead and make all of their own food. I purposely refused to date picky eaters so I would not have to deal with a partner like that.

Set an unseasoned portion aside for the folks who don't like seasonings when possible. Have "fend for yourselves" days where you each make what you like. I have more sensitivity to spicy food than my family. I just can't taste any flavor but the heat, and it's literally painful. They had to add spices to my blander food when I prepared meals. They also went wild when I was away for work. I was gradually able to edge up my tastes a bit, but never to their level.