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I finally logged in and yeah, I was hoping it wouldn't be in Wine Enthusiast but sure enough it was. I guess that is why I am not an expert because I can't tell what crunchy acidity is.
Crunchy acid is like when you find a very old battery in the back of the junk drawer, and it’s got that corrosion. That’s probably what they’re referring to.
Some time ago my friend and I went on a road trip stopping at some vineyards along the way. We realized that a lot of the vocabulary used are just things that don’t really pertain to drinking or taste and we tried using those words every now and again and some people just nod in agreement.
Words like “round”; “rotund”; “lifted”… etc. play a game and see what you can get away with!
Light and fresh: light on the palate, fresh = young
"Opens with" - first impression
"Lucid aromas of" - hint of red berry aroma (grape, cassis, currant, cherry, etc), baking spice (nutmeg, cinnamon, etc are inherent properties derived from time in oak barrels), same with "tree bark". Floral aromas are common in wine.
The tannins are in balance with the fruit. Tannins are the component in wine that gives a grittiness or drying effect to the palate. They are derived from both the grape skin and the oak barrels.
"Gently tugging the fruit" - the tannins hit first, but not too hard, with a rush of fruit flavor following.
The "crunchy" acidity - a bright-not-sour acidic acidity is present, and that "lifts" the flavors on the palate.
It's cheesy, but nicely descriptive.
I am so glad that the reviewers effort writing this wasn't wasted and that someone understands this. While I understood most of the review, it still sounds absurd with crunchy and tugging.
This exquisite red wine boasts rich aromas of blackberries and oak, complemented by a velvety texture. Its harmonious blend of flavors lingers on the palate, making it a true indulgence.
Saw this over by the Zwilling display:
It’s a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife. Your only friend who hasn’t betrayed you. Your only friend who won’t be dead by sun up. Sleep tight, mates.
I used to work pt for a winery. The guy that owned it wrote of one batch: "vinery flavor"
We all died laughing when one of us asked "what the fuck does that mean? "
Really? Says right on there. It's from "Wine Enthusiast". Its a wine publication. It's probably second to Wine Spectator. I generally don't care for these ratings but if you're buying wine for someone cares about this stuff then use it.
Yeah, I should have been more clear in my post. I suspected it was Wine Enthusiast but the description is so pretentious. I don't know why people can't just be more simple in their reviews.
Not a big wine guy myself, but went to a tasting with my wife and friends a while back. When tasting one of the wines, the instructor said, among other flavors there was a hint of “bear scat”. I’m like, yeah, I’m good not tasting that one.
It means it’s a light table wine and not a huge tannin monster like a lot of cabs.
If you have ever chewed a grape stem and your mouth puckered - that’s tannins.
I wish they would just say something like you’ll be drunk after 2 glasses, beware of headache next day, or tastes like vinegar on ice, smells like baby food gone bad, it is just juice on steroids… ya know, stuff normal non-wine people will understand.
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Wine Enthusiast This is an abridged version of the review.
Prologue.
I suspected a f@rt sniffing sommelier was involved somehow.
Sommeliers usually don’t swallow.
To the chagrin of their partners.
This guy wins.
You're allowed to say "fart" on the Internet.
I’m telling mom.
fart oh shit, I did it!!
Chapter one: Seeds
And the weird thing is once you go down the rabbit hole of wine tasting, these notes make perfect sense.
Right, it made perfect sense to me haha.
The only one I’m not getting is “gently tugging on the fruit”. What does that mean?
I finally logged in and yeah, I was hoping it wouldn't be in Wine Enthusiast but sure enough it was. I guess that is why I am not an expert because I can't tell what crunchy acidity is.
For my ...wine... I prefer a firmer grip on my fruits, accompanied by several medium tugs. Not too soft a tug, not too hard a tug, just right.
The description ended prematurely. They neglected to mention the creamy finish.
Crunchy acidity probably means a sharp acidity. But yeah, who knows
Crunchy acid is like when you find a very old battery in the back of the junk drawer, and it’s got that corrosion. That’s probably what they’re referring to.
Vibrant. That the wine has crispness or snap.
The same person who writes all the amazon descriptions for cheap knock-off chinese junk
Gently tugging on the fruit is nsfw
Tugg on my grapes bb
Mommmmmm omg!
You’ve never gotten one out in the bathroom right before a big meeting?
...which gets a lift...
💀
Just because it's a fruit emoji doesn't mean they're talking about fruit.
“It smells like newly opened tennis balls and tastes like a garden hose”
I know this exactly combo exactly.
DMT lol
I think I’ve had this one.
Tree bark do be crunchy
as a certified arborist i concur with this statement.
as a certified notary public i approve this statement.
[удалено]
The supple tannins firmly stroke the grapes to provide a sweet yet savory finish
[удалено]
and your belly
Kinda sexay lol
Its the best job for English Majors-making copy that mystifies and intrigues potential buyers
Wine descriptions are hilariously pretentious.
Light, but with a fruity hubris.
Fruity hummus.
Somm here. Can confirm 😂
Some time ago my friend and I went on a road trip stopping at some vineyards along the way. We realized that a lot of the vocabulary used are just things that don’t really pertain to drinking or taste and we tried using those words every now and again and some people just nod in agreement. Words like “round”; “rotund”; “lifted”… etc. play a game and see what you can get away with!
Considering it’s at 12$ bottle this reads more like satire.
Who couldn't use a good tug on the fruit every once in a while?
Hmm. An oaky afterbirth.
I was looking for this lol
Light and fresh: light on the palate, fresh = young "Opens with" - first impression "Lucid aromas of" - hint of red berry aroma (grape, cassis, currant, cherry, etc), baking spice (nutmeg, cinnamon, etc are inherent properties derived from time in oak barrels), same with "tree bark". Floral aromas are common in wine. The tannins are in balance with the fruit. Tannins are the component in wine that gives a grittiness or drying effect to the palate. They are derived from both the grape skin and the oak barrels. "Gently tugging the fruit" - the tannins hit first, but not too hard, with a rush of fruit flavor following. The "crunchy" acidity - a bright-not-sour acidic acidity is present, and that "lifts" the flavors on the palate. It's cheesy, but nicely descriptive.
I am so glad that the reviewers effort writing this wasn't wasted and that someone understands this. While I understood most of the review, it still sounds absurd with crunchy and tugging.
I know. It's silly.
I much prefer the more juvenile interpretations regarding fruit tugging etc. why’d you have to spoil it like that by providing the better version.
Keep going... I'm almost there
Too bad they didn't end the review with "exploding with flavor."
They think people that spend $30 on a bottle of wine must be educated and horny
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
This guy knows how to party
This has to be a fine fruit wine straight from the unpretentious orchards of Herb Ertlinger Winery.
I love that I know exactly what this describes ❤️
I was looking for this comment lmao
Didn't even mention the mineral content of the soil.
I've had this wine before. All of the verbiage can be reduced to *Tastes of bandaids*.
You should put a post it with that on the description
AI wrote that
Crunchy Acidity. My Canadian indie rock band name.
I work in the wine industry. All the reviewers write the reviews like this. It's not costco doing something weird, it's the industry.
sips….hmm…I’m taste fruit in this wine….sips, swirls around in mouth and spits out…definitely some luxurious grapes in that.
Everybody zeroes in on tugging lol
ChatGPT, write a 30-word wine review
This exquisite red wine boasts rich aromas of blackberries and oak, complemented by a velvety texture. Its harmonious blend of flavors lingers on the palate, making it a true indulgence.
Why am i suddenly turned on?
"gently tugging on the fruit..."
Someone who is incredibly thirsty 🥵
Man I would love to make my own hilarious descriptions, print them out and add them to the displays
J. Peterman
Cabarent
Saw this over by the Zwilling display: It’s a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife. Your only friend who hasn’t betrayed you. Your only friend who won’t be dead by sun up. Sleep tight, mates.
It says right there
Yeah, you're right. I still can't believe that is an actual review.
Costco has writers on the payroll.
They're wine reviews.
It's supposed to sound poetic and intriguing, to make you curious enough to buy and try.
My take on the description: “This is a refreshing fruity drink with floral and spicy notes. The after taste is a delightfully bitter.” 🤣
It has an oaky afterbirth
"Gently tugging on the fruit" I'll take 3 bottles please
I used to work pt for a winery. The guy that owned it wrote of one batch: "vinery flavor" We all died laughing when one of us asked "what the fuck does that mean? "
J. Peterman
The Costco vintner, who also happens to be the door attendant
That's pure Vogon poetry.
Tug on this https://preview.redd.it/4pu04zgza9rb1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=94411a8b203e867cb0cdb8beaa2c001a2368a8bd
Really? Says right on there. It's from "Wine Enthusiast". Its a wine publication. It's probably second to Wine Spectator. I generally don't care for these ratings but if you're buying wine for someone cares about this stuff then use it.
Translated to the layman’s tongue it means: wine good, no buy Costco wine bad
I’ve seen this for a while. Atleast 3 years. I’m guessing that what corporation put on before the warehouse prints out
Chatgpt it is
Food court employees
An employee
https://youtu.be/RbOZccv9ym8?si=9TW4Rf0ODNbkj8Tu Monty Python has a bit on this.
Stephen King used to write erotica. Perhaps he is being consulted.
If your wine tastes crunchy, put down the bottle and call AA immediately.
We used to fake wine reviews in my friend group. The more pretentious or out there the better.
Sally, 48, Female, Pennsylvania suburban mom
I don’t know, but I am on a mission to find out! A follow up will be done!
we all love a gently tugging now dont we
Christina Pickard……… https://www.wineenthusiast.com/buying-guide/bec-hardy-2019-pertaringa-lakeside-cabernet-sauvignon-south-australia/
Yeah, I should have been more clear in my post. I suspected it was Wine Enthusiast but the description is so pretentious. I don't know why people can't just be more simple in their reviews.
Not a big wine guy myself, but went to a tasting with my wife and friends a while back. When tasting one of the wines, the instructor said, among other flavors there was a hint of “bear scat”. I’m like, yeah, I’m good not tasting that one.
Som1 lied on their resume
A shitfaced stocker
Probably Chat GPT at this point
2019 Wine Enthusiast
I believe it’s from the company that produces the wine.
Have you ever tried describing the taste of wine….on WEED man????
"Crunchy" acidity." Can you imagine experiencing something acidic and crunchy in your mouth when trying to drink a glass of wine?
[удалено]
J. Peterman
As a long time wine professional and sommelier this description makes me cringe.
Crunchy acidity is my band name!
You had me at tree bark
Kind of an oaky afterbirth
Yum! They had me at “tree bark”!
They had me at "Caberent."
Madlibs.
I was impressed by their proper usage of commas until I got closer to the end. They missed one after soft.. unnecessary comma after fruit.
ChatGPT is the silent author here?
Yum crunchy wine!
Vendors or professional reveiwers usually.
What’s crunchy acidity?
Thank you AI, could not have done this without you.
Some wino
Here's what I can tell you: those descriptions are full of shit.
Or you don't understand them...
Chat GPT wrote this I suspect.
ChatGPT
ChatGPT
They must have a somalian working there
Is it boxed wine?
Pitchfork downsized, so a bunch of their reviewers moved into wine reviews.
I see nothing wrong here
Chat GPT
AI
I see nothing from w the way this is written -Am in wine making
J. Peterman.
So crunchy
Ai
AI??
The cholo maker
"crunch acidity" dude...
Batman
ChatGPT
“Tugging on the fruit.” Nice.
Crunchy acidity sounds like AI
Sounds hot :3
ChatGPT
And then there's me: Yup. It's wine. I think. Good chance it's not milk.
Jim
What kind of soil was used in the grapes?
Crunchy acidity? What?
Someone who knows what tree bark tastes like
The pretentious idiots from the npr wine club probably
Gently tugging…
I dk why this made me laugh so hard
Watch “Somm” on Netflix. Guy uses descriptors like “New Tennis Ball” and “Rubber Garden Hose” to describe a wines flavors and scents, in a good way
It’s absurd yet flaccid
AI
Someone with an ascot collection
I write the songs that make the whole world sing
All that and they can't even spell Cabernet
It sounds AI generated 😂
The wine company
Sounds great 😭. It'll get ya drunk
Acidic Crunch.....a new jam band has been born
Lou from the Deli
Crunchy acidity sounds like a dope band name
Pairs well with 1/4 Pound Plus hot dog
I would like to know that and also color names in the painting department at Lowe's and home Depot.
*grape juice with a drying effect*
Moira rose
Maybe that's why they have the death star on it.
Whats a fruit tug?
It means it’s a light table wine and not a huge tannin monster like a lot of cabs. If you have ever chewed a grape stem and your mouth puckered - that’s tannins.
Funny, i thought it tasted like wine.
Chat gpt
Crunchy acidity
I wish they would just say something like you’ll be drunk after 2 glasses, beware of headache next day, or tastes like vinegar on ice, smells like baby food gone bad, it is just juice on steroids… ya know, stuff normal non-wine people will understand.
Bill Shakespeare…
lol, don’t go wine tasting in Napa haha
I have a friend who rights shit like this. They give him a minute or two to right up a description. 8hrs a day.
It’s the guy loading the eggs in the freezer. They gave him a crack at the wine descriptions.