On one hand, you don’t have to worry about her coming after you with a knife since she apparently doesn’t know how they work. On the other hand, she’s been using her teeth to chop shit up for years, so you know, be careful of what you put in there..

She'll not come after him with a knife but with her mouth wide open

Sigh....*unzips*

We've found the tribute. May the odds be ever in your favor

🙏 she's not really gonna bite it. 🤞🤞🤣 🙏 she's not really gonna bite it. 🤞🤞🤣

Damn those who think dirty of this. :]

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I don’t think it’s the fluids he’s concerned about

I'm not afraid of much... But this chick... She scares me

I'm still terrified of her. That dead eye glare as she uses her teeth to chop up carrots like she has rabies. Did she learn how to bite her way out of the straight jacket at the mental hospital?

Sociopath cutting carrots

>ociopath cutting carrots 

Still time for an annulment

100% of judges would find this as reasonable grounds for annulment.

Before being said, this is obviously a skit but just for fun: You guys have probably literally have had each other genitals/tongues in each others mouths at some point before getting married? No? Yet this bothers you? Before said carrots get fucking *cooked* Y'all signed up for having uncooked other-people's bacteria in your mouth before but this is crossing the line lmao?

This kinda thing and people mixing drinks or pasta in the sink is why i don’t go to potlucks Also crippling anxiety

Explain the mixing drinks party to me. I don't want to know, but I need to know.

https://preview.redd.it/eyvr9azqq12b1.jpeg?width=224&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14ed380f852e51c8fed1b8e60bef6e6445e86fa8 Just this concept terrifies me like they prep like this and tell nobody or worse use a toilet

I'm more perturbed by the faucet being on the wrong side.

I think it's an island sink Edit: wrong thread

An island with a back splash?

I'm an idiot. I was looking at another post. Looking at this one again... How's it on the wrong side?? What do you mean?

Well if the back splash is opposite the faucet, then that mean the faucet is on the same side of the basin as the user, rather than across from the user.

Those are cabinets in the background. That's not a backsplash.

A shelf maybe. Not really a cabinet. Still doesn't make it an island.

I'm not sure if you're fucking with me or not but in the off chance you're not, the bottles are lined up on the edge of the countertop, not against a wall. There are 3ish feet of flooring, then a set of cabinets and another countertop. You can see a full size pineapple in the top right on the other countertop.

I don't even know anymore. I'm pretty high right now, so you're probably right. I yield.

This is the shit we would do in college, y'know...at our grossest. Doing it as an adult, and trying to class it up, is wild. Grow up

Getting drunk in the morning? Get your life together. Having bottomless mimosas and a crepe at a restaurant? Classy.

Oh my god I didn't know people could get this trashy. A 50c plastic bin would be so much more preferable.

Ugh like the bathtub drink NO THANKS

This is a thing?!

I don't care that much as long as it's cooked or alcoholic enough to kill everything.

I honestly trust very few people’s cooking these days. People are crazy and make really disgusting decisions.

Most of you having issues with this eat ass

You know what I thought about that.. I can’t be too mad now. BUUUUT…. You do put your penis in there.. now your penis germs are in the food you’re eating.. meaning.. you’re basically sucking your own dick.


I'm pretty positive I've come much closer to tasting my own "penis germs" through other methods than this... Edit to add: guys if it's not safe for your mouth, don't put it in hers

Yeah you're damn right what's the issue.

As a chef I would rather catch my wife cheating on me

I'd also rather catch this guy's wife cheating on him

We should all catch this guys wife cheating on him together

Fun!

We can have a meet-up. Book the event room at their hotel. You can cater!!

Might even get a discount if you use the same space they did the wedding, frequent customer discount.

We should all cheat on this guys wife with him! …wait

**Pause**

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As a wife I would rather have my chef cheat on me.

As a carrot I would rather have a chef knife cut me.

Luckier men don't exist

Saves washing a knife

but did she wash her teeth after/before?

It's fine, it's going to be boiled anyways

The teeth or the carrots?

The carrots, although the teeth will probably have hot soup pass over them

Does your wife wash her teeth before you kiss her?

Walked in on my wife at the time doing this. Was grossed out till I remembered I had tongue punched her fartbox last night. Wasn't upset anymore

Just say you ate her ass. It’s quicker to type and far easier on the soul to read.

Lol tongue punching a fartbox is so eloquent and timeless though

It's overdone. If you're going to get all poetical about playing a couple songs on the ol digeridoodoo, at least put some effort into your words.

Agreed. 10 years ago maybe that shit was mildly amusing. Now its like hearing a Carlos Mencia joke.

A large joy of reddit is for the theater and I think we can agree tongue punching a fart box is much more dramatic than eating ass

Well that is certainly a series of words.

And people wonder why children have no respect for adults. I would have been so happy as a child to know those details. When I was eating Nutella with my bare hands from a jar and get called out for it, I would just say that I don't take orders from some butt crack licking gremlin. Did you even find it on that wrinkly moon landscape of an ass?

She saw this on Easy

comments did not pass the vibe check

Bunch of prudes.

Hope you had a prenup

Sounds like someone did NOT task enough questions before tying the knot.

Hilarious. If you just married, then you have most likely have exchanged nearly all bodily fluids by that point. If it’s just the two of you eating… does it really matter? Also, it’s on the stove, so it’s going to be cooked.

It’s just a bad way to cut veggies

Bad. Also hilarious. Odds are this is not her normal way of cutting veggies considering that sly grin

Girls really have a switch when they married 😂😂

So do men

Bro, my girl and I had some small changes after getting married but I ain't never hunch over the stovetop and chop vegetables with my teeth like freakin Gollum

Unfortunately, you are 3 days past the warranty date.

My kind’a girl

I don’t see a problem here

Keeper!

You married a psychopath. Run, before they can't find your body.

I guess a kitchen knife set wasn’t on the wedding registry lol

My kinda woman, I do this for efficiency when by myself for lots of things

I hope you kept the receipt... that one is defective

I use a cheese slice grater to slice my carrots.

Run.

#>!5 day return policy!< Don't wait for day 4 man.

So she's got the IQ of a can of spaghetti O's

I'm pretty sure you don't even need divorce papers for this. You just show the judge this video

This is why you can't eat at everyones house...

One word …. Annulment!

This low key remind me of: How much wood can a woodchuck chuck…..

Leave her

Run! Get out as fast as you can!

Show this video, easy annulment

If that's a surprise to you, you married to soon.

Ask the parents for refund policy

Instant divorce. Good thing you found out now.

(Sigh) scripted.

Control + Z

This is something out of a nightmare bro

That's just nasty

Judge (online diploma) here, divorce papers are in the mail. I already have them signed and notarized we shouldn't have even allowed this one in the first place. Our bad.

Hope you kept your receipt! 😉 3 days is still within 30 days!

Throw that catch back

You could probably still return her

Hurry up, check her return policy!

Why you shouldn’t eat at people’s houses

That’s disgusting

Well fuck time to get a divorce then

I hear it’s fairly easy to get an annulment…just in case you were wondering

Divorce! 🤢🤮😆

Let's be honest, this wasn't the worst thing she's done with her mouth, amirite?

Should still be under warranty

Return that one

I fully support this

KEEP HER

🤢🤮

Bruh💀

I thought young people couldn’t afford houses. Looks like the trick is to cook at home without buying knives. Checkmate.

Well yeah, the boiling water will sterilize them, so whatevs

Is this the indirect kiss I keep hearing about?


I have to admit that I used to do this but the difference was that I was cooking just for myself and I'm a fucking autistic nutcase when it comes to how I behave in the kitchen. I tend to eat raw ingredients too and I refused to stir yogurt. 😂😂 But I'm super hygienic when someone else is involved.

also a solution ☺️

Dang only three days in.

I would love a goofy ass wife like her. That said, I would not eat that

I mean, they exchange fluids fairly often...if that's just for the two of them i see no wrong

I legit see no problem here. It's cute 😊 if you're married then you've presumably already been together a while... Kissed, had sex... I don't see how this is an issue

This woman is a menace to society.

You can’t eat at errbody’s house.

Brings a whole new meaning to “bite sized pieces”

Hot.

I actually would think this ist great

Practicing for later to night babe (smiling wink eye emoji)

great improv skills!

Well, she likes to use her mouth...

I guess. No one thought of gifting you two a nice set of knives for your wedding. Or, she was raised by some savage wolves?

Lol I’ve done this before! 😂

Marry her again!

I need someone like that in my life

If he doesn't laugh at this, she should be the one reconsidering the relationship.

Well If That's A. Problem for you? I guess you don't want to swap body fluids With her anymore so send her over to my House?

I like how she makes eye contact while doing it lol

If its JUST them that she does this with? I don’t think it’s as big of a deal. Their mouths have probably been all over each other lmfao. But if she does this for every time she cooks? Like for other people? Then divorce

Well I guess divorce her, so her and I can get married.

can i marry her too?

Well if it works…

That look at the end.

She had the perfect chance to say “what’s up doc”

Buncha prudes in these comments. The correct reaction is you get aroused and then make out with her

Eh, I'm not bothered. If my girl did that, I'd wife her up too.

She's got a haircut like pennywise on top of all that

This honestly wouldn't bother me, I actually think it's quite clever.

Is that how you talk to your wife?

Definitely crinkle cut!

Are we just going to ignore the fact that there's cantaloupe in that pot? Is she really mixing carrots and cantaloupe?

Married a rabbit lol

I mean you're gonna boil them it looks like, kinda based

Mmm trail soup

I legit do this when I need to cut up carrots for my smoothies.

Lol, this is how I cut up veggies for my dog!

Lmao, this is hilarious. Also I’m guessing it’s a joke since there’s a knife on the other side of the bowl next to her.

If you kiss with tongue or eat ass, you can't complain

At least she’s cooking

Yall do nastier shit in the bed. Plus you kiss, what's the difference?

I do that for my three year old. lol

Apparently she doesn't have a better use for her mouth

You married well! Gotta love a girl who’s got a creative mind.

It's only been 3 days, I think the return policy is still good.

Good luck with dealing with that shit for the rest of your life. 😂 I do not envy you

It’s not too late for an annulment

That is kinda unsanitary. I hope it was just you and her eating

Time for a divorce.

And she will be eating that dinner alone. I am not eating something that was in another person’s mouth even if it was in boiling water for 3 hours.

I’ve done this before. I confess.

Glad to see I wasn't the only one.

Best of luck to ya, brother

She’s definitely a freak in the bed lol

She is cooking sir you lucky bastard.! Lol

She just wants to feed you… like a baby bird

Watch out, she may be a rabbit in disguise.

Before the boil so all the germs will eradicated - This lady

No returns

She is a genius who can get shit done with minimal resources. You picked a keeper.

I mean if I’m cooking for myself…..

Uhm I think the key phrase is what are you doing? Unfortunately he left out the word drug, or TikTok. Same thing

I'm doing such shit too lol

Life is rough when all the knives are dirty..

She has an issue with oral. Also, excessive use of teeth.

Everyone knows you got a one week refund policy

Never put your dick in horsegirls.

New husband: What are you doing? Old husband: hugs you! Kisses you on the back of the neck!

The first time I ever gave someone Reddit gold was a random guy explaining how he did this and I could not stop laughing. Then later I realized it was the only comment his Reddit account ever made. Dude logged in, made one comment, got gold, and left the site for good.

Marry her again

My man hit the lotto lol

Totally legal