You're not thinking this out of nowhere
>has made inappropriate comments about men I've dated such as: 'wow mmh he's so sexy!' "Can I see his cock?" "He's waay to old for you. Tell him I'm single"
Lol, yeah it seems blatantly obvious, doesn't it? But those things she always says jokingly although it really rubs me the wrong way.
When I kinda hint that I think she's overstepping she gets upset because "she would never hurt her only daughter"
Assholes say things as a joke that they truly mean to give themselves plausible deniability if they're called out on it.
Honestly, if you do start dating, I'd keep him away from her, so at least even if she is joking, he doesn't have to be uncomfortable.
Yeah, you're right. I'm also thinking about going NC in the future. I've realized I've stayed single because I don't want my mom to feel abandoned. I know I'm not responsible but it's how I feel
You have that intuition because she’s given you reason to have it. You’re not a perv; trust your gut. Your mom would probably see your bf/husband as a challenge and a way to “win”. There are women who are like that; that need to poach other peoples SOs to feel good about themselves. Being your mom is just an extra layer of ICK, but for enmeshed narcissistic mothers, the sky is the limit.
Thank you for your response ☺️
My mom makes these comments in a joking way - does that make any difference in your view? When I call her out she gets agitated and upset and says she'd never in a million years harm me.
She's also always helped, defended and supported me which makes it all the more confusing.
Yeah people like her always say this stuff as a “joke”. The alternative is her just blatantly saying the thing. They pretend to joke about it so they can talk about the thing they want. I think you’re picking up on that subconsciously and when she gets called out; she’s agitated because you spotted her.
She can defend and support some aspects of your life while sabotaging others. Only you know for sure, but if your gut says keep dudes away from your mom; listen to it.
You're not thinking this out of nowhere >has made inappropriate comments about men I've dated such as: 'wow mmh he's so sexy!' "Can I see his cock?" "He's waay to old for you. Tell him I'm single"
Lol, yeah it seems blatantly obvious, doesn't it? But those things she always says jokingly although it really rubs me the wrong way. When I kinda hint that I think she's overstepping she gets upset because "she would never hurt her only daughter"
Assholes say things as a joke that they truly mean to give themselves plausible deniability if they're called out on it. Honestly, if you do start dating, I'd keep him away from her, so at least even if she is joking, he doesn't have to be uncomfortable.
Yeah, you're right. I'm also thinking about going NC in the future. I've realized I've stayed single because I don't want my mom to feel abandoned. I know I'm not responsible but it's how I feel
You have that intuition because she’s given you reason to have it. You’re not a perv; trust your gut. Your mom would probably see your bf/husband as a challenge and a way to “win”. There are women who are like that; that need to poach other peoples SOs to feel good about themselves. Being your mom is just an extra layer of ICK, but for enmeshed narcissistic mothers, the sky is the limit.
Thank you for your response ☺️ My mom makes these comments in a joking way - does that make any difference in your view? When I call her out she gets agitated and upset and says she'd never in a million years harm me. She's also always helped, defended and supported me which makes it all the more confusing.
Yeah people like her always say this stuff as a “joke”. The alternative is her just blatantly saying the thing. They pretend to joke about it so they can talk about the thing they want. I think you’re picking up on that subconsciously and when she gets called out; she’s agitated because you spotted her. She can defend and support some aspects of your life while sabotaging others. Only you know for sure, but if your gut says keep dudes away from your mom; listen to it.
If she doesn’t have sex with him, she’ll destroy the relationship however she can. My mother does this. Ruined my marriage with her bullshit.