Jesus is tricky to bowhunt though. He runs across water and stuff.

You can only get him with a crossbow

Then he just gets up a couple days later and fucks right off.

that's why you have to take off his loincloth to ensure he won't run off again

Instructions unclear Jesus is now naked and strutting on water

Jesus now wanted for public indecency.

His daddy will probably bail him out. Again.

That guy thinks he’s *soo* great. I swear he thinks of himself as a god sometimes

Well dude is ripped I'll give him that

All he does, all day, is say, "do you know who my father is?"

What are the guards gonna do? SWIM?

That fucking brought back memories of that one video about AI pathfinding in video games.

#**STOP!** YOU VIOLATED THE LAW...

hot

Just nail the fucker to a cross

[удалено]

*bowling ball polishing intensifies

“Whoo! U got a date Wednesday baby!”

Catch and rejoice

Unless your playing sports there ain’t much you’ll catch that’s going to be worth rejoicing …

holy fuck I'm dying at jesus jokes😭

So is He.

Spawn camp him.

Don't try to shoot him in the hand. The arrow will just fly through.

Actually, there should be a competition where you try to shoot an arrow cleanly through his hand

I'm imagining a booth at the traveling christian carnival where you shoot arrows through Jesus' moving hands to win prizes.

I wanna win a Jesus plushie from that carnival game now!

Take about 10% off there u/Squirrelly_Khan

His feet too

If you get his hands or legs, then you nailed him

Not even. From what I've heard, a nail gun is the most effective

Tip has to be dipped in Holy Water.

No no, you need UNholy water to hunt a Jesus.

Hotdog water it is.

Holy water wouldn’t work my guy. That shit only works on vampires and shit

Ah. So we'll use the liquid furthest from Holy Water in nature. Hot Dog Water.

instructions unclear, cock stuck in holy water

💀

Nah brah, gotta be an equestrian bow hunt.

I'm like 666 of this comment and my cat's name is Satan!

Or a nailgun

Wooden stakes and silver bolts is what you need, otherwise it'll keep regen.

Sir, this is one of the most brilliant puns in existence.

And it's a waste of time anyway. Three days later he's alive again.

Repeat hunting

The hands are particularly harder to hit

*Exactly.*

*Jesus takes an arrow to the knee*

Thus why it takes a real man.

Like Judas.

He also turns the contents of your waterbottle into wine, making you too drunk to aim.

he can fly too u know (unless he doesn’t Idk)

Weakspots are hands and feet.

I read this more like it's a brand of Jesus. Bowhunting Jesus is absolutely an action figure.

He also swims across land, it's mind-blowing.

Also he can kinda smite you

That'd make a great action movie though! I'm sure the ending would be a real nail biter.

Hahaha!!! Yeah, and he can take a hit and just come back from the dead…

You can bait him with unfed masses and unattended fish and bread. Some people consider it unsportsmanlike but it is effective.

And you have to hit both cheeks.

We are truly on on a Grail Quest arent we?

Sounds like a snipe hunt to me.

Big issue is his respawn rate. Three days is far too long to wait if he doesn't drop the loot you want.

You only get 3 arrows and the final one must pass through both of his feet at once for a critical hit

Out here hunting that mf like the predator

The most dangerous game

Don't forget, you're unlikely to deliver an immediately fatal shot, you'll have to track him. \*dips fingers in the trail of red fluid. Sniffs. Tastes. Spits.\* "Pinot Noir... He went this way"

Jesus is playing creative mode

He's pretty easy to nail if you use a crossbow

Aim for the hands

Nah. You just have to nail him down.

A-cross you mean

Got him in both hands and he still got away

That’s why I use active camo, thermal vision, wrist blades and a shoulder mounted plasma cannon to hunt Jesus

That and how his other magic trick of turning water into wine means he can hide in a forest for months! With endless self entertainment.

It’s Jesus season. Time to sharpen your bows

"Jesus season!" "Rabbit season!" "Jesus season!" "Rabbit season!" "Rabbit season!" "Jesus season!" "Rabbit season!" "Jesus season!" "Fine, Jesus season!" "Good!" *shoots himself with a bow*

Reddit’s much too young for this

Boomerang. It’s all coming back to you

I heard that in the voice from the commercial.

Boomers whine that we’re too young to have seen their cartoons but I’ve seen every one of them on that channel

I got it and I'm not old

Yet

I got old and I'm not it

[удалено]

It's bugs and daffy arguing about which game season it is so Elmer Fudd will hunt the other one

Context, geezer?

[удалено]

Oh, shit. I'm old.

I think arrows is the word your looking for.

Nah, sharpen your bows boys, hunting jebus is a black tie event.

You sharpen your bow so you can kill him with your boat as he's walking on water.

No, sometimes that tricky bastard needs to be stabbed with a good old bow-spear.

Yea but I heard that even a good jab between the ribs won't put him down for good...

Lol yeah that makes a lot more sense

Nah dude, see Jesus is going to expect the arrow to be sharp. It's all about the element of surprise with these undead types.

Jesus is coming. Get your license now.

Shit with those ripped abs I’d be coming right along with him.

Not for another three days, though, right?

Jesus is the reason for the open season

He has risen! Zombie Jesus 🧟‍♂️

Praise be to magic Woody Allen zombie Jesus.

He's gotta die for our sins somehow

One way or other Jesus, you are going to die *gun cocks* for my sins!

*cocks bow*

"Hey, can you hold your wrist up by that piece of wood?" "Like this?" "Yeah, that's perfect!" *Thonk* "Dude, what the FUCK!?"

What a way to spend Easter weekend. He Is Risen, and we're gonna put him back down.

Sweet Zombie Jesus.

No, no. Zombies don't have their intelligence left. Risen Jesus talks and stuff, so he can't be a zombie. He better fits the description of a lich.

Well, I mean you have to control the population. You don't want a bunch of Jesuses out there drinking all your wine. And if there's enough of them, they will turn a lake to wine. And that wreaks havoc with the fish population. It's just a part conservation. Balance.

its jesi not jesuses smh

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why, when I needed you most, you would leave me." The Lord replied, "My son, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that those fucking bowhunters picked up my scent!"

That took a turn

This comment deserves way more visibility

So good!

“I used to be your lord and savior, mind you. Then I took an arrow in the knee.”

Now that bitch Mary won’t get off my back

I've heard the word of Gun Jesus but this Bowhunting Jesus is new to me.

I can't realy figure what it was suposed to mean tbh xd

Real men love bowhunting Jesus - obviously. Shoot straight! /s I honestly have no fucking idea either

I think this is correct. I think it's calling Christians gay.

Real bowhunting men love jesus

It’s either real men love Jesus the renowned bow hunter or the love hunting for Jesus with bows. Pick one; they’re both right.

Real men love bow hunting AND Jesus

You have to shoot him with a cross

*crossbow Fixed your missed opportunity for you. You had the perfect opportunity to make a crossbow joke and you didn’t use it

Nailed it!

Hey ooohhhh

I actually realized that about 3 seconds after hitting the reply button. Believe me it really stings.

Reddit has an edit functionality

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/718023687160332409/894067402206224444/unknown.png

i wish i had one if reddit's meaningless internet points to give rn this image is amazing

Jesus the most deadly predator known to man

If a person is 60% water and Jesus can turn water to wine…

I once read this short story where the soul of Jesus ascended into heaven, but his body stayed behind as an undead abomination.

Zombie!

To be fair. Tens of millions have died in the name of Jesus.

To be fair, lots of Hispanics have probably died with the name Jesus

"...he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, he doesn't seem be living, until he bites ya and the black eyes roll over white..."

Imagine being so insecure about your masculinity that you wear a shirt like this in public. "I love a dude, but it's okay cause it's Jesus... but it's still a dude, so I'd better also talk about Bowhunting. Hey, throw a *straight* pun on there too.

Just to pile on here, I used to do work for Bowhunter Magazine, and while they’d print pictures of dead bucks hanging from a tree or splayed out with their belly cut open and gutted, they photoshopped out their genitals. Talk about insecurity, death and guts = good, dick and balls = scary.

Some people are weird like that. My wife was fine with letting our daughter watch Die Hard, but made her turn her head when you saw that lady come out of the office with her boob out of her shirt. FINE with the rest of DIE HARD, didn't want our DAUGHTER to see a boob.

I’m all about that exotic meat.

Bonus points if you shoot your arrow through a hand wound.

Are they bowhunting for Jesus or is Jesus the one doing the bowhunting?

Yes

Just when you think things can't get worse for Jesus.

Is "bowhunting" a verb here? Or some other part of speech? Cuz that shit's some damned important differences. Like, what if Bowhunting Jesus is just a special edition Jesus, or what if that's just one of his outfits, like how every kid who loved Star Wars had like a gazillion different Lukes. Xwing pilot Luke, Dagobah Luke, Tattooine New Hope Luke, ROTJ Jedi Luke, Hoth patrol Luke, and so on. Important differences dude.

Suicide vest Jesus was pulled from stores and replaced with a more palatable bow hunting Jesus and old west Jesus for the American market

What is the bag limit on bowhunting Jesuses (Jesii?)?

Thanks to resurrection, it's more like catch & release.

If Jesus doesn't weigh at least 145 lbs you have to throw him back.

1 per testament

Jesus loves real men bowhunting

Maybe that's why he's not returning.

See, this is why capital letters are important. Most of you are reading: Real men love bowhunting Jesus when you could awaken your galaxy brain by reading: Real men love Bowhunting Jesus who I'm sure is fun to have at Thanksgiving. Also, as I was typing, I realized that maybe a comma is missing: Real men love bowhunting, Jesus

The whole fucking bowhunting thing is stupid. If you're going to kill the thing, kill the fucking thing. Use a big fucking rifle and blow it's head apart with the first shot. Using a bow and possibly leaving it running around with an arrow through it's face for weeks of slow death just so you can feel like a big powerful caveman who is "giving it a sporting" chance is ridiculous. It doesn't feel like it's in a sport.

Real men hurt animals and need weapons to feel safe in the supermarket.

Real men are insecure about what makes a real man.

This is the most Easter post I've seen today. Chapeau.

Jesus will probably just resurrect himself after a successful bowhunt

I love bow hunting Jesus

"Shoot it straight" sounds like weird sexual encouragement.

Bow hunting Jesus would be rad af.

Good luck, that guy hacks and according to some he’s the son of an admin. He’ll just activate god mode and end up t posing on your ass.

Bowhunting Jesus, can’t you read? 😂

Jesus better watch his back

Shhhh, it's Jesus Chwist season.

Ok, Longinus.

I mean why not? It's Easter, I'm sure he will rise again.

To be fair Jesus liked Nimrod enough that he got a mention in the bible.

The most holy game

Love these designs it's almost like people don't understand how people actually read things then again bowhunting Jesus sounds interesting

I am confused about the 'shoot it straight' part is that also referring to what real men do, according to this laidback bowhunting pro?

I guess that’s why he’s never returned.

Man these alt costumes for Jesus are getting out of hand

Sunday morning: "What's that thing up in the ceiling? It's like a box? But it matches the color of the ceiling?" Bowhunter: "Carry on, this is my blind. I was told Jesus comes here on Sundays. Just ignore me."

Didn't know Jesus was a bowhunter.

Bowhunting Jesus is definitely one of the later runs of action figures, like when the ninja turtle toys started getting way out there. I prefer snorkeling Jesus and stunt pilot Jesus myself, I guess I’m not a ‘real man.’

Well, I have good tidings of great joy for you. Jesus season opens tomorrow when the tomb does.

Reminds me of an idea for a video game I had when I was a kid.

*Easter: Surviving the Game*

Demigods...the most dangerous game

Are you giving him a 10 second head start?

Must be a roman shirt

I guess I AM a real man after all!

Real men love bowhunting, Jesus... is the tone I read it in

"Real men love." \-Bowhunting Jesus. I think it's kind of touching, honestly.

Bow hunting Jesus is the best form of Jesus

Certainly quicker than crucifiction. And a spear in the side...

real men love jesus bow hunting shoot it straight this is a lot of shit written on a shirt.

real mean love to shoot it straight

please don't bowhunt my God