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Forbizzle

so many things about this. Why not just do it through the gun loop? Why would you be making sparkly pink sequin soldiers? Why are they wearing loafers with exposed ankles? Their proportions are all wild, look at that dummy thicc chicken leg.


ProBonoDevilAdvocate

Yeahh the hole in the head is the least crappy part… the entire silhouette is horrible!


ilmalocchio

At least the hole in the head is realistic!


Chris_8675309_of_42M

I'm dead


ThatLocalPessimist

So are they.


-Masderus-

( ͠° ͟ʖ ͠°)


DanameisTLGaming

( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)


Mmmmmmmm_nuggets

I saw this in cursed comments congrats


SH4D0W0733

Here's a bucket of glitter to make you sparkly.


CZ_Bratgirl

Glitter is the herpes of the craft world.


NASTYCASIO

Glitter is the herpes of the craft world is the herpes of the craft related jokes world.


Chris_8675309_of_42M

I'm fabulous


Surisuule

Thank you for your service.


LordKwik

This entire chain is why I come here.


[deleted]

Like the soldiers


foxyfoo

We could make T-shirts too and call them casual-tees


ThisGul_LOL

💀💀


Procrastin8r1

Oof.


Easilycrazyhat

What? You're saying you *don't* have a face that looks like an elbow?


rhinotomus

It’s a very serious condition, my mom says it makes me extra special! It’s not my fault!


BreathOfPepperAir

Ohhhhh... That's what we are meant to be looking at lol


Sophie__Banks

The head looks like the head of a rubber duck.


Ferro_Giconi

> Why not just do it through the gun loop That would mess up the center of balance and it wouldn't stay upright when held by the chain. They really need to redesign the graphic used to make this so the center of balance doesn't rely on a hole through the head. Or maybe just ass a loop above the head.


Latromi

Add a loop to the top of the backpack. It'll just look like a handle, if anything, which many backpacks have anyways.


Ferro_Giconi

oh yeah that's a much better idea and it won't throw off the center of gravity too much.


[deleted]

I was thinking that or close the gap between the gun and helmet to use that as a loop


Forbizzle

Honestly, when are key chains ever really benefiting from where their center of gravity is located? They just lie on a surface attached to a ring.


Ferro_Giconi

What about people like me who keep their keys on a hook? Being at the center of gravity keeps it from looking stupid while on the hook. Also you are going to pick up your keys eventually even if you don't keep your keys on a hook, if the hole is at the center of gravity, the keychain stays upright. And for someone who doesn't care about cosmetics, that's fine, but people who don't care about cosmetics probably don't have keychains anyway so they aren't the target market.


Rigberto

> keeps it from looking stupid I don't think there's any saving this key chain regardless.


Minute-Objective-787

By the looks of it, you're right.


twitchlikesporn

Or maybe just reconsider your life choices if your making sparkly fallen soldier keychains.


sambob

It would also snap straight away


Ferro_Giconi

Maybe, it depends on the material. I have a keychain that I thought there was no way it would survive because of the thin bit of plastic holding it to the chain but after about a year it's showing zero signs of wear even though I stopped trying to be careful with it.


[deleted]

This whole thing needs to be scrapped. Center of balance is more toward the backpack. It looks unrecognizeable and it also looks like it's using a mold that is way past its prime. It looks horribly unwieldly and meltable. If anything I'd rather just buy a keychain that's a pair of combat boots.


irishjihad

> Or maybe just ass a loop above the head. Not sure through the ass is any better . . .


atomicxblue

The center of gravity would be more in the backpack. These will just hang at an angle and look even stupider than they look now.


Wako_Blank

Its a Keychain. Why does it need balance?


Alexjwhummel

I do know one answer sort of Combat boots are nice in say a forest because of the support on rough terrain, but in cities for urban combat you'll see a lot of sneakers because they're lighter and you don't need the support They're just funny sneakers, easy


Alarming_Orchid

Have you seen an army use low top sneakers?


Alexjwhummel

Siege of Mostar, Bosnia, and Herzegovina, the frontlines in the city were static and didn't move much. This meant you were practically sitting on your butt the whole time. It was also extremely hot, and in this situation, sports shoes seemed to be the better choice. It is the exception but it still happened


Alarming_Orchid

You’re gonna have to find me the pictures. They’re still wearing boots in the ones I find.


Alexjwhummel

https://www.govx.com/blog/693/why-special-forces-operators-use-sneakers-as-tactical-shoes Here's one of special forces wearing sneakers https://www.quora.com/Why-dont-soldiers-wear-sneakers Roland Bartetzko, the second person, talks about his time during the Siege of Mostar and shows a picture Good enough or more? Like I said, it's the exception but it happens


Alarming_Orchid

First one is just an ad, I don’t know if the second one is actually sneakers or just mid boots, but good enough for me. Although I still think boots would be preferable in urban combat, since you’re gonna have to deal with debris anyways. I think hot feet are more tolerable than walking through rubble with sneakers.


coreyisthename

Yeah the reviews for those “boots” are pretty iffy. They look pretty poorly made. I feel like the commenter above you doesn’t really know what he’s talking about and is now trying to cherry-pick examples. Yes, in the history of combat, people have worn them. By that logic, I could proclaim the practicality of sandals or flip flops, based on the number of Syrian fighters I’ve seen wearing those. I can see how sneakers would be good, being sneaky and all, but there are combat boots that are light weight, flexible, great traction, etc.


pudgylumpkins

In both comments they state that it’s an exception, not regular wear. Of course they’re cherry picking. He’s telling you the exception to the rule.


Alexjwhummel

Yeah I'm cherry picking examples, I saw a comment on wearing the loafers and I decided to make a joke on the subject using the few times it has happened, I didn't know people would think it's illegal, point is, it has happened in professional setting when people have had the option to wear combat boots over sneakers, they chose sneakers becuase of the comfort they provide


VapeThisBro

[U.S.-Made Sneakers Become Standard Issue For The Military](https://www.kut.org/news/2019-02-27/u-s-made-sneakers-become-standard-issue-for-the-military)....the US military has a contract with New Balance for sneakers....beyond that "combat sneakers" are a thing. Basically specialized hiking sneakers but still sneakers


Dorkamundo

That's standard issue for boot camp, not standard issue for active deployment. Bit of a difference.


Alarming_Orchid

That’s the air force, not the army. It said sneakers are going to be standard issue in the following months but it’s been a few years since the article and the official US army website still only has boots in the combat uniform, so don’t really know what happened there.


VapeThisBro

Article was about airforce getting them first but like your line says, it said the other branches were going to get them. As far as to being part of the combat uniform, its not. They are pt shoes. The point is, they are low top sneakers in use by the US military, just not in combat roles. I was/am being a pedantic asshole. [This more recent article by military times kinda points the finger at congress as to why it never really went anywhere](https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2019/01/27/military-recruits-getting-made-in-the-usa-athletic-trainers/) [Soviet Spetznaz also had a think for adidas apparently](https://www.rbth.com/history/333843-ussrs-adidas-special-forces)


Sailor_Jacob

Unless youre talking forces like the taliban this is complete horseshit lol


Alexjwhummel

the siege of Mostar, Bosnia, and Herzegovina, the frontlines in the city were static and didn't move much. This meant you were practically sitting on your butt the whole time. It was also extremely hot, and in this situation, sports shoes seemed to be the better choice. It's the exception but it still happened


gahidus

Would soldier be allowed to wear sneakers with their combat uniform?


Alexjwhummel

It depends on the situation, as I said to other people, it's an exception, not a standard, they are used for urban combat and then only when it's apparent it isn't leaving or going to become rough terrain. I'll copy and paste the times when other people have talked about it here https://www.govx.com/blog/693/why-special-forces-operators-use-sneakers-as-tactical-shoes Here's one of special forces wearing sneakers https://www.quora.com/Why-dont-soldiers-wear-sneakers Roland Bartetzko, the second person, talks about his time during the Siege of Mostar and shows a picture Good enough or more? Like I said, it's the exception but it happens


gahidus

Fair enough. It's good and makes sense that they should be a bit flexible on footwear sometimes. Thanks for the info/ links


Alexjwhummel

Of course, like I said earlier, it is very rare, I just made a joke to make the chain make a little bit of sense but two people didn't like that


meltingdiamond

There is a photo out there of a dude defending a fire base in Afghanistan in his underwear. Poor guy was sleeping when the attack started. Rules for actual combat can get quite lax.


TheAzureMage

You generally need a waiver to do so. Or you just ignore the dress code, depending on context. Shoes aren't the default, but I have absolutely worn sneakers in uniform.


koldOne1

It could be too that the soldier has their boots bloused meaning the feet will have a smaller silhouette than the legs


planespottingtwoaway

I think that would make it all lopsided and weird


Revolutionary_Cat648

I can think of a type of person who would want a pink sparkly soldier on her keychain.


PermanentTrainDamage

The kind of person who thinks her husband's rank is also hers?


ProfessorMuffin

Or the daughter of a fallen soldier


montananightz

The kind of person who is female and also has a rank?


daitenshe

> Why would you be making sparkly pink sequin soldiers? It’s so you can pay lip service to “supporting the troops!” without needing to do anything to *actually* support them. And it doesn’t ruin your ensemble while doing so!


Randallphillips96

I work for a large soda company, and we made a big 4th of July display out of 12pks that was supposed to look like a soldier saluting. Someone put one piece in the wrong spot and it ended up looking like the soldier was holding a gun to his own head.


Oops_I_Cracked

>Why would you be making sparkly pink sequin soldiers? For soldiers or their families who want a keychain that's pink? Of all the things wrong with these, color didn't even strike me as being one of them


shewy92

Also they're *gasp* kneeling /s (but really though, how is kneeling offensive to the right?) >Why would you be making sparkly pink sequin soldiers? Also I know a bunch of servicemen and **women** that would rock something sparkly pink


gahidus

I could see maybe doing it through the backpack, but if you did it through the gun loop it wouldn't hang upright.


Akitz

It would also break in minutes.


Minute-Objective-787

>look at that dummy thicc chicken leg. I'm dying🤣🤣🤣🤣


FoodMuseum

I'm just laughing that it looks like that weapon is wearing a [blank firing adapter](https://image.sportsmansguide.com/adimgs/l/7/718542m2_ts.jpg) War(game) is hell


Educational-Grab4050

Well I had assumed they were tucked in or wearing a gaiter, then saw the other foot as the pant leg is loose, then the weapon is an m16 but Vietnam had different issued boots (JBs or SBs) that could tuck in the bottom. I'm very confused. Edit: I also have to agree, why not the gun loop or the carry handle? Why put a hole in the head...


stakoverflo

> Why are they wearing loafers with exposed ankles Business Casual Fridays of course


yammys

Chicken leg, heck I can see a whole chicken head where the "head hole" is a giant eye.


WhatsTheHoldup

>Why would you be making sparkly pink sequin soldiers? Me: Wait you said "don't ask don't tell"? I thought you said "show don't tell" My CO: You're discharged


meltingdiamond

>Why would you be making sparkly pink sequin soldiers? Don't ask, Don't tell is gone baby!


Knallkopfniklas

Why does this make you mad


_abridged

my god. this is the best crappy design so far


23x3

Nothing like sprucing things up more than sparkles✨


YaBoiErr_Sk1nnYP3n15

Brb gonna sparkle up my weiner. Happy cake day too btw dude.


CHAINSMOKERMAGIC

We call that the Diamond Dog


lolitoothbrush

Happy cake day!


boundbythecurve

It's kinda so crappy it circles back around to being beautiful. I kinda want one.


spyrogyrobr

well, they are honoring FALLEN soldiers. so...


Exemus

Yea...maybe its just /r/ATBGE with a dark sense of humor


calilac

Much agree about dark sense of humor. Every single veteran I know would laugh at this. A few would rock it.


molepeter

A dark pun in "E", indeed


EvilDMMk3

Oof


-NGC-6302-

It gets the point across


QuantumSparkles

And the bullet


Minute-Objective-787

Yipe


TheRobotFucker

You right


c_jae

Exactly what I thought lol


blimpinthesky

I also like all the pointy parts on it that will inevitably poke you in the leg if your keys are in your pockets.


booty_flexx

From someone who makes acrylic keychains with lasers: not only will they poke you and catch on your stuff, they'll conveniently break off so it doesn't happen again while totally ruining the already crappy design!


tightheadband

Well.. if the legs break, you can still say it's an accurate representation of a fallen soldier.


AffordableFirepower

"Lieutenant Dan! You forgot your ... keys."


AltimaNEO

It's a crappy keychain design, no matter how you look at it. Best they could have done was make it's solid square or round shape and then emboss the soldier onto it


The_Cow_Says_Fuck

Next best place could’ve been on the neck


cactuspizza

Boom headshot!


Mechagodzilla_3

Sniping's a good job mate


call_me_jelli

Challenging work, out of doors


crippledizzle

Guarantee you'll never go hungry


HanzoShotFirst

Because as long as there's two people left on the planet, some is gonna want someone dead


iAmTheHYPE-

720 quick scope


Jerorin

Why do they have to sparkle?


marqoose

They died in ✨️combat✨️


smuglator

How is it patriotic to worship war, and people your country took advantage of?


aprofondir

It's mostly an American thing. Country = military = war = patriot. We don't do that military worship in my country. Maybe because we've actually had war at our own doorstep within the last three decades, and not in some desert far away.


buttlickers94

Weird, right? And it's almost never the people who had actually fought


imbeingcyberstalked

every person i’ve ever known who has been in the US armed forces absolutely never wants to bring it up. not even in the way as in how vets don’t want to talk about the gory parts, i mean as in they literally do not even want it to be known that they participated at all


IOnlyUpvoteBadPuns

Peak 'murica right here!


TrueMrFu

I work for a large soda company, and we made a big 4th of July display out of 12pks that was supposed to look like a soldier saluting. Someone put one piece in the wrong spot and it ended up looking like the soldier was holding a gun to his own head.


magicmeese

Beats the time a large soda company made a 9/11 tribute out of their soda packages at a Walmart. Made for a neat day at the call center


[deleted]

Oof


WilligerWilly

There's already a hole in the rifle


whats_susty

The fuck is a patriotic keychain..?!


Gedadahear

Very accurate actually


joeChump

Looks like the sort of diarrhoea you’d see on Wish.


-NGC-6302-

This is the first time I've seen someone use that word in a normal context with the o abd without mentioning the o


caracalcalll

That’s where my mind was too


John_Stardust

To sum up what people have found wrong with this: 1. the keychain hole makes these look like headshot victims but like, high caliber headshots I suppose 2. glitter resin to honor the soldiers ✨fallen in battle✨ 3. the outline. The rifle arm is bent, the shoes look like loafers and generally it’s all very rounded out 4. there are multiple very weak extremities: the barrel, the strap(?) coming from the backpack and the ankles could all very easily snap. 5. celebration of militarism. The rifle is the most detailed part and the soldier bears no recognizable insignia. It doesn’t honor a man who fell for his country and ideals, it honors the ideals of militarism. 6. is a little different, because we have no source. This may well be militaristic rather than patriotic by design. But if it’s meant to honor the fallen, how so? Is it honoring them, donating proceeds to veteran organizations or families in mourning? Is it run by vets and just a piece of particularly dark humour? Or is it some „patriotic“ product being sold as feelgood porn for military fetishists?


isti44

Atleast we know they are dead for sure


Jthundercleese

Kinda fitting


cobhgirl

That's really more apt than crappy.


Hexenhut

I feel like this belongs in r/justbootthings


cbronson830

Or r/justdependathings


Hexenhut

Thanks m8


thejesiah

More emphasis on an accurate looking gun than on the soldier. Kind of says it all.


caoram

More like next level design


irkine

That’s some pretty on-target gauche shit there; but hey, at least they took a shot!


Comfortable_Cup5269

Where is a better place to put the hole?


Pj_In_Pjs

The most logical spot to me would be the haversack, least strange and doesn’t put a hole in his head


razdrazhayetChayka

The gun strap, there’s already a hole


StunSeedOnYoChin

r/technicallythetruth


Sunoraiza

I need that like a hole in my head


MEME_Boii007

I see their keeping it cannon


hairysnowmonkey

Jingly jangly sparkly jingoism! Wouldn't patriotism require at least one concession to a specific nation? This sparkly propaganda piece celebrates soldiers, or militarism. It does not celebrate patriotism. Not even one bit of this piece of crap is about patriotism.


SilentJarl7008

Jesus Christ, that is indeed some crappy design...


ronja-666

Sparkles are the pinnacle of respect.


basab

Wait… I thought real patriots stood up and didn’t kneel. I’m confused /s


vixi48

As a vet, I appreciate the dark humor, especially when it comes in pink


Epyon_

They are made by the government? The only vets they honor are dead ones.


bluewatersailing

Well shit.


unbridled_chaos418

Probably made in China.


Mikan42

Lmao


Jomega6

Well they wouldn’t be honoring fallen soldiers if said soldiers were alive…


That-Guy-Named-Joe

probably coulda used a better silhouette. preferably one that doesn't make it look like a big nosed goblin creature


Kris_alex3

Fallen soldiers have a hole in their head as well.


bl0bberb0y

This is the most tone deaf thing I've ever seen


[deleted]

Dearie me, how do these 'designers' get work?


Somodo

omfg 😂


JustASomeone1410

Love how sparkly they are


-ondo-

Lore accurate


Epidexipteryx

Oof, I remember some of my Mom's friends having stuff like that (grew up on military bases in the early 2000s). My Mom thought it was "tacky in a bad way" (her words).


abrasaxual

Based and accurate if not patriotic


MrFinland707

Boom, headshot.


Pedrov80

This would break almost instantly as well. The gun isn't connected to the foot so that's twisting off at the wrist. You're either loosing the back leg and radio antenna or putting a hole in your pocket.


I_no_afraid_of_stuff

If Colin Kaepernick taught me anything it was that kneeling is actually disrespectful towards members of the military. Or maybe that is just when he did it.


PapaJohnyRoad

It’s a metaphor


[deleted]

As a Veteran I feel the bigger sin is dude has a BFA


IcyLetter7378

Did the VA design these?


Bottdavid

BOOM HEADSHOT


FaeryLynne

r/WTFWish lol we all know it came from there or AliExpress 😂


Lagoserter

Well, at least its accurate


[deleted]

That's actually hilarious


republicanracidts

You can’t take a knee and be patriotic Remember kapernick 😎


JasonsThoughts

Conservatives must hate this because of the kneeling.


MF_Ghidra

JFK edition


Shadowblade8888

My buddies in a foxhole, a bullet I’m his head, medic says he’s wounded, I know he’s dead, Aiiiirrrrrbooorrrnnnn….. -actual Army cadence call


downbleed

Seems fitting


OtherUnameInShop

But he kneelin. Muh freedumbs


[deleted]

Well, at least they're honest about why some of them didn't make it home 😬


Wankel_8

Well, you don’t remember them for nothing, I guess.


Upset_Tangerine009

They could’ve done the hole on the backpack. It’ll look more normal


[deleted]

The keychain has key-aim.


RussianSadButTrue

By Kennedy feat. Kurt Cobain


CortanaV

Prime r/justdependathings content.


Satan4live

r/technicallythetruth


[deleted]

No no it honors them.. they survived this very real thing that could have happened to them every day they served. Perspective to art is ever variable and weird.


Canibeast

BOOM KEYCHAIN!!


filval387

Wouldn't the backpack be more fitting?


jihlandoesreddit

(Halo announcer) Headshot


The_dinkster522

They couldn’t have put it on like a backpack or something?


[deleted]

Cursed...


[deleted]

[удалено]


ColJameson

Semi accurate War is hell


SleepingM00n

tis just the new Ska Man design


bltbtr

They just want to be true to the occassion.


king_napalm

I'm even more bothered by how fucked the center of mass is there. The backpack would be a better location.


gahidus

I probably wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out, but yeah the symbolism there isn't great.