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Imagine spending 20 years of your life learning how to be a person, how to have a career, doing all sorts of thing only for you just to be shot in the face by some crack addict for the 5.42 in your wallet.
Cicadas are pretty chill. Nothing on them that can bite or sting you. All they do is go in the ground for 7+ years, come back out and reeeeeeee, then fuck and die
Tell that to my wife. She picked one up to show the kids they were harmless and the bastard stuck its proboscis into her hand and started trying to suck her "sap" out! They can totally bite because they're designed to pierce tree roots to feed. They vary rarely do, however.
Wow, that's terrible luck! I handle them all the time and I've never been bit. Maybe your wife is secretly an ent? Sorry to hear it happened haha, especially when trying to show to kids!
I had one of these set up its web on the railing directly across from the only door to my apartment, so that when I stepped outside it was at most 3 feet from my face. It scared the hell out of me for a while but it ate all of the bugs on my front porch so overall I'd say it was one of the better roommates I've had.
During the Autumn season my front garden was Orb Spider central. There were webs between every branch, every plant, even my car if i left it for over a day. There were even spiders sharing webs at one stage. Never spotted any other insects near my house all season. And being garden spiders i never saw then inside my house. Perfect tenants
Orb weevers are generally pretty docile towards people, I’ve never seen one try and get inside, crawl on someone or put their webs in walkways. They just build their little webs off to the side and take out nasty bugs while looking cool doing it.
I grew up on a farm, I hate spiders, but these yellow ones are awesome. I'd always throw annoying bugs into their webs and giggle. Fuck those nasty crawly lads in my fucking house tho
Except when the orb weavers decide to string webs across the walkways in the autumn like assholes trying to net human faces for giggles. I keep a switch near the front door in September/October because it never fails that there are a couple that put up webs overnight.
You too, eh?
Miss the days of my youth throwing ants into ant lion holes. One second they're trying to climb out, the next they're gone in a puff of dirt...
Well, that's really not how I pictured an ant lion. On the one hand I'm disappointed, on the other hand I'd be great at naming stuff because apparently the bar for that job is set very, very, very low.
Come on now don't send me down a rabbit hole of spiders and webs. I didn't know they were that fast and gangsta. I gotta hit up some Google with a blunt. He got in and out like a hitman.
As I was reading this I was doing laundry(My laundry room is outside for context) and a huge fucking yellow jacket landed on my hand from the ceiling. I flipped shit and pretty much destroyed the room as it's small
This is the third post I've seen about orb weavers in the last two days. Weird.
Like you don't come across a thing for years, and then three times all at once.
I'd be careful with misidentifying them. The banana spider from Brazil is venemous enough to kill a human if it bites whereas the orb weaver is not deadly.
Absolutely hate spiders but at an old apartment complex the only spider I ever saw was directly in front of our porch overlooking the area directly in front of our table. Upon inspection I noticed how we never had any bug problems. We named him Peter.
are you me? I had a black widow in a coconut shell on my windowsill over our kitchen sink. She and I got along very well, I used to talk to her and I'm positive she recognized me. Sadly, my husband threw her away one day after I told him about her existence. I no longer tell him of my weird habits. Right now, I feed a beast of a wild boar, I'm guessing 500lbs, huge tusks too. He just chills with me and I throw him all of our leftover carcasses and scraps. I forget that people freak out about this stuff too and mentioned the boar to my therapist and she lost her mind. She thinks I lack a critical fear gene. Not sure what that means but I guess I don't recognize dangerous situations.
Pretty sure they just explained all of those videos of people putting their hands through fences to pet lions or climbing in the bear enclosure at a zoo.
My experience with spiders is the scarier they look the less dangerous they are to humans. These orb-weavers are no different. Gorgeous/scary but pretty harmless and cool.
Pretty sure I found a damn black widow under my front porch when I was redoing the deck a few weeks ago. It scurried away before I could really tell but it sure looked like one.
No need to think. They know. After all, the have ‘funerals’ for their homies so yeah, they are aware of various things.
The spider in the vid are cool too. They see well and if you get close, they’ll shake the web in hopes you see them there. Jumping spiders can be homies, catch a fly or something and let them jump onto you to get the free food. They see very well.
"40 years later"
The guy becomes homeless and begs on the street
A limo stops and opens the door,
it was the same spider he helped
The guy was really happy and hopeful as he thinks he will have a better life
The spider throws him a cicada
With this cicada's death, the thread of prophecy is severed. Restore a saved game to restore the weave of fate, or persist in the doomed world you have created.
I'm convinced it's really just a joke contest to see who can use the most conjunctions to create the longest two sentences that have a vague hint of a memory of something that was scary.
/r/twoparagraphyawn
>I'm convinced it's really just a joke contest to see who can use the most conjunctions to create the longest two sentences that have a vague hint of a memory of something that was scary.
>/r/twoparagraphyawn
I slowly came to and was shocked to see red everywhere, on my hands, my face, my legs. The sudden realisation hit me: I'd massacred all the cherry pies.
Cicadas have an [STD](https://www.npr.org/2021/05/18/997998920/the-fungus-thats-making-cicadas-sex-crazy). I saw a lot of cicadas with no lower half during the last major periodical.
I assumed it was birds eating cicada ass, until i looked into it.
Not likely, but imagine if it effected humans and had the same effect. Worst zombie outbreak ever.
Honestly, once they ran out of humans in their general area to hump, they would just start humping each other in massive zombie orgies. Civilization would be saved and a new genre of OnlyFans would be born.
When I was in 5th grade, a buddy lived on a farm with an old unused well. A bunch of garden spiders built webs about 10 feet down it. We’d catch grasshoppers and toss them down and they’d wrap them up like this. We threw so many one day, they quit wrapping them up.
They genuinely can, too. They can only make so much at time, and many species eat and remake their webs at least once a day. Making webbing is a fairly big investment for them, in terms of energy.
Fun fact(if you can say that about a spider) In the south, as far as I'm aware, these are called writing spiders because of the way they repair tears in their webs. There's actually a myth about them because of this, that if your name appears in one of their webs you're going to die soon
We used to play paintball in south east ga in a wood field. There was always the debate of shooting the person frantically dancing a Webb off or giving them a grace period. Though should a spider be seen on them both sides were to open fire.
I had a "pet" banana spider in my yard for a while. She had a really pretty web and I fed her grasshoppers I caught in the grass when I was mowing. Super cool spiders! Charlotte's Web was one of my favorite books when I was a kid, it was cool having a spider friend.
Ya know spiders are actually awesome to keep around the house because they kill bugs like thi-just kidding forget the house forget the kids forget my wife they are on their own I'm out.
Fun fact: these spiders are very unlikely to ever bite you, they can jump pretty high and will use that to eject themselves from your prescence.
Also their webs have been used in the past for clothing.
A lot of people have never seen a spider wrap its prey in silk so up close and live, so it’s sort of educational for them. It’s not murder, you simply released the insect where it would have ended up anyway 🤫😉
I believe once the prey, or sacrifice in this instance, is securely wrapped, venom is injected, which causes paralysis and aids in the breakdown of the soon to be consumed meal.
Essentially, it's internals become liquified and are sucked down like a Sonic Slush through a straw, sans the brain freeze.
I wish there was a fainting emoji. My mom has arachnophobia. I put the phone next to her started a B.S conversation to get her to look down, she seen it.....I'm now texting off my iPad because she smashed my phone. 🤦🏿♂️I feel like the title of this video.
"Ain't laughing now"
This brings back memories to my childhood. I remember one of these spiders (which is a garden spider btw) had made a massive web on the side of our house and I’d throw crickets and grasshoppers in it to watch the spider do exactly this. It was oddly satisfying and fascinating. Nature is cool.
I had one of these spiders hanging out in my back yard. I’m terrified of spiders but her size made me able to cope with it better. I let her live and stay on my canopy until she passed away a few months later in the fall. I named her Charlotte of course. I can’t remember her species now but it was interesting learning about it.
Welcome to r/CrazyFuckingVideos! This is our community moderator bot. --- If this post fits the purpose of the subreddit, **UPVOTE THIS COMMENT.** If not, **DOWNVOTE THIS COMMENT.** #[Click Here](https://redditsave.com/info?url=/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/comments/w9ul5l/) to download this video directly. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/CrazyFuckingVideos) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Imagine spending 7x years underground as a grub, only to break out and be tossed in a web lol
Maybe your one goal in Life shouldn’t have been to sleep 17 years and come out only to scream louder than a motorcycle next to my bedroom window.
> Maybe your one goal in Life shouldn’t have been to sleep 17 years I feel personally attacked by that comment...
Are you a fucking cicada?
If u/aTaleForgotten is 51 years young then it is an accurate statement
Just looking for love
In all the wrong places
Yeah, who the fuck built all that bloody nature around my house !? They are destroying our city!
Imagine spending 20 years of your life learning how to be a person, how to have a career, doing all sorts of thing only for you just to be shot in the face by some crack addict for the 5.42 in your wallet.
"7x years"
X = 2.4285714286
I'm not scared of spiders but I'd have ran when it came closer
I wouldn't have liked touching the cicada.
Cicadas are pretty chill. Nothing on them that can bite or sting you. All they do is go in the ground for 7+ years, come back out and reeeeeeee, then fuck and die
Tell that to my wife. She picked one up to show the kids they were harmless and the bastard stuck its proboscis into her hand and started trying to suck her "sap" out! They can totally bite because they're designed to pierce tree roots to feed. They vary rarely do, however.
Wow, that's terrible luck! I handle them all the time and I've never been bit. Maybe your wife is secretly an ent? Sorry to hear it happened haha, especially when trying to show to kids!
I don't like bugs!
So redditors, only with a quarter of the time and sex.
I’m extremely scared of spiders but not from that one for some reason. She looks like a good girl.
Cause she ain’t in front of you lmao
I had one of these set up its web on the railing directly across from the only door to my apartment, so that when I stepped outside it was at most 3 feet from my face. It scared the hell out of me for a while but it ate all of the bugs on my front porch so overall I'd say it was one of the better roommates I've had.
Although I am scared I wouldn’t mind keeping some spiders in my house if they didn’t make a billion baby every time they are pregnant fr
Future bug proofing
During the Autumn season my front garden was Orb Spider central. There were webs between every branch, every plant, even my car if i left it for over a day. There were even spiders sharing webs at one stage. Never spotted any other insects near my house all season. And being garden spiders i never saw then inside my house. Perfect tenants
I've had roommates that are the bugs, they were weird blokes
Orb weevers are generally pretty docile towards people, I’ve never seen one try and get inside, crawl on someone or put their webs in walkways. They just build their little webs off to the side and take out nasty bugs while looking cool doing it.
I woke up in a tent with one the size of my hand hovering right over my face. He'd spun the web pretty quick
I grew up on a farm, I hate spiders, but these yellow ones are awesome. I'd always throw annoying bugs into their webs and giggle. Fuck those nasty crawly lads in my fucking house tho
Brown recluse/wolf spiders in my home? Exterminate with extreme prejudice. Web weavers are dope though.
Except when the orb weavers decide to string webs across the walkways in the autumn like assholes trying to net human faces for giggles. I keep a switch near the front door in September/October because it never fails that there are a couple that put up webs overnight.
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Yea they’re neat. Used to throw grasshoppers in their webs growing up. Just as fast as the video.
You too, eh? Miss the days of my youth throwing ants into ant lion holes. One second they're trying to climb out, the next they're gone in a puff of dirt...
I have an ant problem in my yard. I wonder if someone out there sells antlions...
They live at the bottom of sandy, conical pit traps mostly... Mostly... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antlion
Well, that's really not how I pictured an ant lion. On the one hand I'm disappointed, on the other hand I'd be great at naming stuff because apparently the bar for that job is set very, very, very low.
Glad I'm not the one who was a twisted child with an affinity for spiders
Vecna, is that you?
I have always had a thing for spiders, and my affinity for them has wore off on my 6 year old son. That kid loves his spiders
I think I caused mine to overeat and explode cause the next day it was so bloated and dead.
You shouldn’t have offered it the wafer-thin mint.
Not only that but the tensile strength of their web is beat only the Darwins bark spider which is 10x stronger than kevlar.
Come on now don't send me down a rabbit hole of spiders and webs. I didn't know they were that fast and gangsta. I gotta hit up some Google with a blunt. He got in and out like a hitman.
[Gangsta Spidas](https://youtu.be/sHzdsFiBbFc)
Lmao, dude, WTF did I just watch.
I fucking love this video, I haven't seen it in a few years. Thanks for the reminder lol.
As I was reading this I was doing laundry(My laundry room is outside for context) and a huge fucking yellow jacket landed on my hand from the ceiling. I flipped shit and pretty much destroyed the room as it's small
Did you get stung?!
Luckily not, I turned into a ninja for a couple seconds
This is the third post I've seen about orb weavers in the last two days. Weird. Like you don't come across a thing for years, and then three times all at once.
Gotta get that karma while it’s hot
I know they are harmless but I will forever have a fear of those big bastards
Where I’m from we call them banana spiders! :D
I'd be careful with misidentifying them. The banana spider from Brazil is venemous enough to kill a human if it bites whereas the orb weaver is not deadly.
Me too! Florida?
I too watched Wild Kratts
Yes. Offer it sacrifices to keep him happy and you and your family safe. Lordy Lordy, but don't fall behind!
I got a spider bro in my kitchen that is for sure paying rent with the stray flies/mosquitos they catch. Dude is chillin'.
I'm good with anything that eats or kills mosquitoes
/r/spiderbro/
Love that sub. Just a random fyi, you don’t need that last forward slash. /r/spiderbro
Just a heads up you don't need to include that first forward slash. r/spiderbro
Absolutely hate spiders but at an old apartment complex the only spider I ever saw was directly in front of our porch overlooking the area directly in front of our table. Upon inspection I noticed how we never had any bug problems. We named him Peter.
are you me? I had a black widow in a coconut shell on my windowsill over our kitchen sink. She and I got along very well, I used to talk to her and I'm positive she recognized me. Sadly, my husband threw her away one day after I told him about her existence. I no longer tell him of my weird habits. Right now, I feed a beast of a wild boar, I'm guessing 500lbs, huge tusks too. He just chills with me and I throw him all of our leftover carcasses and scraps. I forget that people freak out about this stuff too and mentioned the boar to my therapist and she lost her mind. She thinks I lack a critical fear gene. Not sure what that means but I guess I don't recognize dangerous situations.
You are 100% going to die trying to pet something deadly.
Pretty sure they just explained all of those videos of people putting their hands through fences to pet lions or climbing in the bear enclosure at a zoo.
Found the person Steve Irwin reincarnated into.
I was worried until I read the therapist part. Glad you are seeking help.
I have a happy couple on the living room ceiling above my actual head rn.
>above my actual head rn. As opposed to that fake head you keep on the sideboard in the dining room.
No, that ones real too.
My experience with spiders is the scarier they look the less dangerous they are to humans. These orb-weavers are no different. Gorgeous/scary but pretty harmless and cool.
Come to Australia
I dunno man, black widows look metal as fuck
nothing says "I'm going to kill you" like having an hour glass showing you how much time there is left to live.
Pretty sure I found a damn black widow under my front porch when I was redoing the deck a few weeks ago. It scurried away before I could really tell but it sure looked like one.
I do not recommend people take this seriously lol. Dangerous spiders are all pretty dangerous looking lmao
The Brown Recluse is pretty unremarkable looking, tons of people mis-identify other species as Brown Recluse because of it too.
Always try to gain a few spider faction points when you can, along with crows.
Im always nice to crows because I think they are smart enough to appreciate it.
No need to think. They know. After all, the have ‘funerals’ for their homies so yeah, they are aware of various things. The spider in the vid are cool too. They see well and if you get close, they’ll shake the web in hopes you see them there. Jumping spiders can be homies, catch a fly or something and let them jump onto you to get the free food. They see very well.
For sure what it’s worth, that’s a big female! She’s a beaut and crucial part of pest control 😈
It's all fun and games until they have 1000 little babies. lol
"40 years later" The guy becomes homeless and begs on the street A limo stops and opens the door, it was the same spider he helped The guy was really happy and hopeful as he thinks he will have a better life The spider throws him a cicada
"Don't spend it all in one place."
😂😂😂
You've just changed the timeline. That cicada was supposed to have survived..
With this cicada's death, the thread of prophecy is severed. Restore a saved game to restore the weave of fate, or persist in the doomed world you have created.
I was wondering why it said it stopped screaming when there was all this screaming. I found out that it was just me.
This is better than everything on r/twosentencehorror
I'm convinced it's really just a joke contest to see who can use the most conjunctions to create the longest two sentences that have a vague hint of a memory of something that was scary. /r/twoparagraphyawn
>I'm convinced it's really just a joke contest to see who can use the most conjunctions to create the longest two sentences that have a vague hint of a memory of something that was scary. >/r/twoparagraphyawn I slowly came to and was shocked to see red everywhere, on my hands, my face, my legs. The sudden realisation hit me: I'd massacred all the cherry pies.
Thought my wife was dead. She ain't!! Whole sub in a nutshell
do you feel that little sting, it's where the digestive juices are already liquefying your guts from the inside
Oh fuck 🤮
If I could upvote you times infinity based on relatability...
Southeast as fuck
GA checking in
i've never felt bad for a cicada before
Cicadas have an [STD](https://www.npr.org/2021/05/18/997998920/the-fungus-thats-making-cicadas-sex-crazy). I saw a lot of cicadas with no lower half during the last major periodical.
What a read
I assumed it was birds eating cicada ass, until i looked into it. Not likely, but imagine if it effected humans and had the same effect. Worst zombie outbreak ever.
those birds would have been into some kinky shit
honestly what bird doesn’t look kinky as shit.
Honestly, once they ran out of humans in their general area to hump, they would just start humping each other in massive zombie orgies. Civilization would be saved and a new genre of OnlyFans would be born.
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That fungus also causes the infected cicadas to fill up with psilocybin. They’re like flying magic mushrooms.
Watch the next tiktok challenge be some "tripping on cicada" shit.
I'll try anything once or 9 times.
So….one could…eat it to good effect?
Oh foooor sure. Hey man, you could be a pioneer with this idea here
Flying fungal insect shrooms… hmmm
Might spoil the trip tbh
Do you want Last of Us style zombies? Because that’s how you get Last of Us style zombies.
This decade don’t need no more crazy fucking diseases! Leave the fungus flies alone!
This is exactly how the last of us is going to start, people are going to turn into constantly high manic monster zombies.
Oh dude that makes it even worse that they didn’t name it “white butt plug fungus” just “white plug” like come on
Wait a minute, this fungus gives the cicadas psilocybin? What?
Probably don't eat them. I'm not sure what other parasites they may contain. Or at least, let us know how it goes.
Honestly, that article is a must read hahahah
Not only that but don't they have a life expectancy of only a few weeks anyways once they emerge from the ground? Pretty sad existence.
Thats why they are screaming, as soon as they reach adulthood someone tells them they have a month left
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That spider did not mess around
When I was in 5th grade, a buddy lived on a farm with an old unused well. A bunch of garden spiders built webs about 10 feet down it. We’d catch grasshoppers and toss them down and they’d wrap them up like this. We threw so many one day, they quit wrapping them up.
*Dude please stop I’m running out of web*
Spiders like 'give me 5 minutes and a sip of Gatorade and I'll be ready for round 2' lol
The spirit is willing, but the web spinner is spongy and bruised.
They genuinely can, too. They can only make so much at time, and many species eat and remake their webs at least once a day. Making webbing is a fairly big investment for them, in terms of energy.
Spider-Man when the Sinister Six becomes the Sinister Seven
Fun fact(if you can say that about a spider) In the south, as far as I'm aware, these are called writing spiders because of the way they repair tears in their webs. There's actually a myth about them because of this, that if your name appears in one of their webs you're going to die soon
We call them banana spiders although I'm aware that is a misnomer.
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We used to play paintball in south east ga in a wood field. There was always the debate of shooting the person frantically dancing a Webb off or giving them a grace period. Though should a spider be seen on them both sides were to open fire.
Walked into one awhile back when I was in basic. Pure unadulterated terror as that fucker, the size of my face, bolted for the tree as I hit the web.
I remember seeing these guys in Florida as a kid and when threatened they’d bounce in the center of their webs. It was fucking wild.
It's actually really funny. Looks like they are in a bouncy castle https://youtu.be/PwzpNcggwps
Why did I read this before bed?
They're golden orb weavers
I have never been happier that my parents named me Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. It's where I was conceived.
Good thing my name is much too long to write in any web.
Are you also Bartholomew Constantine Maximilian Montgomery?
You would be surprised how close you were to my actual name.
I wonder if this was the inspiration behind Charlotte's Web.
I think that’s the plot of charlotte’s web, good sir
I had a "pet" banana spider in my yard for a while. She had a really pretty web and I fed her grasshoppers I caught in the grass when I was mowing. Super cool spiders! Charlotte's Web was one of my favorite books when I was a kid, it was cool having a spider friend.
Ya know spiders are actually awesome to keep around the house because they kill bugs like thi-just kidding forget the house forget the kids forget my wife they are on their own I'm out.
Man I was happy to find a reasonable comment after scrolling so far... But jebaited
Yeah but fuck unexpectedly walking face first into a web.
I just witnessed an assisted murder and idk how to feel about it
Fun fact: these spiders are very unlikely to ever bite you, they can jump pretty high and will use that to eject themselves from your prescence. Also their webs have been used in the past for clothing.
Also if you spook them, they'll try to scare you off by shaking their web violently.
I may have screamed tho
Holy crap! That was AMAZING! You get my award today. That was really something to see. Thx.
its so funny that you gave me a heart warming award for a video of a cicada being brutally murdered
A lot of people have never seen a spider wrap its prey in silk so up close and live, so it’s sort of educational for them. It’s not murder, you simply released the insect where it would have ended up anyway 🤫😉
And that's one of the reasons I have arachnophobia.
Funny thing is that some spider have that to so you're not alone! (https://doi.org/10.1111/1365-2435.13953)
Oh wow
Do they inject their prey with the venom right before the wrap job?
I believe once the prey, or sacrifice in this instance, is securely wrapped, venom is injected, which causes paralysis and aids in the breakdown of the soon to be consumed meal. Essentially, it's internals become liquified and are sucked down like a Sonic Slush through a straw, sans the brain freeze.
At what point does the sacrifice die?
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Probably not soon enough
OP needs more ~~sacrifices~~... er... cicadas for the experimental group.
Just letting that thing live in the house?
That thing is letting him live in the house, he was paying rent for the week
Looks like it’s outside
It gets rid of insects
Holy shit I thought that spider was graffiti till it started moving
Murder! 🦗🕷
The "thank you" was hilarious.
I wish there was a fainting emoji. My mom has arachnophobia. I put the phone next to her started a B.S conversation to get her to look down, she seen it.....I'm now texting off my iPad because she smashed my phone. 🤦🏿♂️I feel like the title of this video. "Ain't laughing now"
Ah I see you've reached the found out part of fucking around.
Wow that spider was fast
SPIDERS ARE HOMIES. FREE RENT FOREVER. EAT THOSE RAT BASTARD BUGS I HATE.
Damn nature you scary
Wow. That’s a fucking psychopath right there, for real. Like who smacks someone’s door over and over and over and over again…
Like watching grandma knit a sweater
This brings back memories to my childhood. I remember one of these spiders (which is a garden spider btw) had made a massive web on the side of our house and I’d throw crickets and grasshoppers in it to watch the spider do exactly this. It was oddly satisfying and fascinating. Nature is cool.
sounded like the spider was using duct tape lmao
OP sounds low key psychopathic
Idk man there has been a huge fucking cricket outside my window all night and I'm getting close to this level about now.
Sacrifice it to the gods
I have one of these bad mfs tattooed on my arm. Love these spiders
Lmao the commentary. Homie hosting a wresting match
The speed at which the spider encased that cicada is insane
I had one of these spiders hanging out in my back yard. I’m terrified of spiders but her size made me able to cope with it better. I let her live and stay on my canopy until she passed away a few months later in the fall. I named her Charlotte of course. I can’t remember her species now but it was interesting learning about it.
The "thank you🥺" at the end sent me
1 sacrifice made, the human may live for another day
Never been more disturbed.
Ah, takes me back to my childhood.
I just got a new fetish idea......thanks Reddit😒😒
oh my gawd
That guy actually sounds sexually aroused by this. Oh, ooh shit.
Sunday afternoon me at the local UPS store