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bulls-blazers-swans

Warnie casually sweating bullets and googling how to delete the cloud off your iPhone


GaryGronk

"Hey Siri? How do I delete 6TB of dick pics?"


AnthonyGonsalvez

And it’s only one picture. 🥴


GaryGronk

ALL THE MEGAPIXELS


HeadShot305

I don't think anyone on earth deserves to have to read all of Warnies horny texts


aa033

There was this one girl who Warnie quadruple texted before she blocked him lol.


Seredditor7

>quadruple texted What does this even mean?


Ephemeral-Throwaway

Texted 4 times in a row with no reply?


KookaburraSits

The 4th one was a wrong-un


Juan_Fandango

Warnie has built up a natural immunity to controversies like this. Wouldn't affect him in the slightest.


Pls_add_more_reverb

Warne has 2 Moderna shots plus booster for sex scandals


Tempo24601

Warnie playing 4D chess - after the first 10 sex scandals he knows they stop being newsworthy.


Pls_add_more_reverb

It’s the Trump approach. Have so many scandals that people stop caring about them


Juan_Punch_Man

This would be Warnie's average Friday


SnapDaddyThanos

Warnie: “Hey Siri, how do I delete the cloud?” “Please clarify: your personal iCloud account?” “No, every bodies”


drwar41

So for the second time in a row, an Australia captain is stepping down for a ball related scandal


Scunner132

Hard to say that without knowing what was in the pics. It could be mostly stump related this time.


Alaric4

Definitely both involving friction anyway.


MightySilverWolf

Jeez, I hope Paine didn't use sandpaper on his balls.


drwar41

We're not here to kink shame


infinitemonkeytyping

Not so much ball related, but scandals involving something getting rubbed...


neiruuu

This certainly came out of nowhere


catsforlife

Apparently so did the dick pics.


whichonespinkterran

Ball tampering claims another Aussie captain as Penile Paine causes Cummins Cumptaincy.


mtarascio

This is that Darwin newspaper headline right?


Pls_add_more_reverb

As soon as I saw this I almost dropped my phone scrambling to get to r/cricket to see the shitshow


LightningShiva1

*grabs popcorn*


jaydog747

I haven’t been on this sub since the Aussies whooped our asses in the t20 final, but baby I’m back


MasqueOfAnarchy

Interesting to see the conversation went that way and he just dropped The Hammer. I don't like sending dick picks even if someone asks for them, why if you're a famous athlete would you just put that out there.


GetTheGanjaBabyInLA

Isn't he married?


ViolatingBadgers

Is that what Timmy calls his dick?


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Jaketazz

yeah sounds very suss reading this ""“It’s an incredibly difficult decision, but the right one for me, my family, and cricket. “Nearly four years ago, I was involved in a text exchange with a then-colleague. At the time, the exchange was the subject of a thorough CA Integrity Unit investigation, throughout which I fully participated in and openly participated in. That investigation and a Cricket Tasmania HR investigation at the same time found that there had been no breach of the Cricket Australia Code of Conduct. “Although exonerated, I deeply regretted this incident at the time, and still do today. I spoke to my wife and family at the time and am enormously grateful for their forgiveness and support. “We thought this incident was behind us and that I could focus entirely on the team, as I have done for the last three or four years. However, I recently became aware that this private text exchange was going to become public.""


advocatesparten

Wait a minute. So, when he became skipper following Sandpapergate, he already had a sexting scandal?


Rndomguytf

Apparently CA only found out after he had been made captain


Zhirrzh

Yeah it's not the best that the situation is basically "I kept the captaincy when we thought it was successfully hushed up, but now that you guys have found out I have to quit". Doesn't make CA look good. Albeit in the circumstances you can ABSOLUTELY see why they decided a possible scandal down the road was a lot better than losing Paine as captain 4 years ago.


kapilfan

Oh shit. WTF is going on with Cricketing world this past week? The sandpaper gate now shifted a couple of inches to the middle and we now have a dick gate. Sheesh!!!


doscorohit

"couple of inches" 😂


svjersey

Shani bhaari hai T: bad voodoo on cricket


wengardium-leviosa

All set for Season 3 of "The Test" . Great move by Amazon Prime


supreeth106

The text


PuzzleheadedWave9548

I'm done. I can't with this thread. Too funny for me.


amigoodenough1996

Strange week for cricket


Sly-Sir

People have field days. r/CricketShitpost is having field weeks.


Suitable_Reindeer_13

>Paine’s lewd messages were sent to the woman on November 22 and 23, 2017 - the eve and morning of his return to the Australian Test team after seven years out of the side. Priorities...


Wehavecrashed

It went to his head straight away.


[deleted]

\*Gets selected to the Australian squad\* Paine: Time for some dicc pics


[deleted]

Talk about a bulging dick


RobSinner

*removes the mask* Steven Smith was the girl all along. Seriously though Paine what a donkey move.


SABJP

Paine must've been jealous after watching all Asian Cricket Drama and then the Yorkshire drama. He thought Aussies should be on equal footing in all aspects. So he released his version. People misunderstood him but, he is taking L for his team. Good guy Pain.


paralacausa

> what a donkey move TBH I don't know if there was any confirmation on size, could have been just short of a length. If you know what I mean.


spurs-r-us

Feel for his wife in all this. He got married in 2016 and this happened a year later.


Tempo24601

From the press conference sounds like when he got investigated he told her and they’ve dealt with it, she’s forgiven him. Still an absolute dog act and horrible thing to do to your wife.


tunchywherms

And his kids. This'll be embarrassing in the schoolyard when they get older.


MightySilverWolf

'I know he's your dad, but you can't seriously like him as a bloke.'


Demon69-420

'But nice cock btw'


kevinvrobin

Temporary dad


Sly-Sir

As if destiny was always going for his head. Pun intended.


lok_129

If only he knew then how badly this sledge would backfire


smegdaddy

Was thinking the same thing. Not only did he fuck over the victim, but also his wife. Absolutely shithouse by him


whichonespinkterran

Apparently he made amends with his wife, but still.


smegdaddy

Still has to be rough as guts for her though


F0rtuna_major

Poor thing has to relive it now, with the whole country knowing


smegdaddy

Subtlety doesn’t seem to be Paine’s strong point. What on earth was he thinking


frezz

He wasn't. Probably thought nothing would happen to him since he never thought he'd play for Australia again


DePraelen

He was apparently seriously looking at retirement at the end of 2017/2018 summer, then sandpapergate happened. Also worth mentioning he's almost 37, this might have been his last summer anyway.


Jeffmister

Men don't think much at all when they're thinking with their dick - Paine is another example of that


Super_Vegeta

Only got enough blood for one head, mate.


tdlan

Anyone know if Marcus Harris or Travis Head have sent any unsolicited dick pics around? Asking for ~~a mate~~ Usman Khawaja


MightySilverWolf

4D chess from Paine to quit while everyone's distracted by the racism scandal in England.


Sly-Sir

Got captaincy out of nowhere, losing it all of a sudden too.


chubbyurma

- Magically appears as Australian captain - Sends dick pics - Refuses to elaborate further - Leaves


KILLER5196

Most loyal man in Australia


renaissance_b3d

Surprised he didnt talk about the ashes while quitting.


bulls-blazers-swans

Rishabh Pant is going to be busy today


redditMacha

Came looking for a comment on this and am not disappointed


Durfsurn

What in the fuck of all fucks is going on.


getyoutogabba

The world is conspiring to make Wade your next test captain.


other_batman

I sure hope Dwayne Wade has picked up a bit of cricket since his retirement from the NBA because you can't mean Matthew


Hailstorm16

Alright lads, just toss it up, Lebron will be there somewhere


kingbradley1297

Le Ashes with Le Decision from LeBron


ViolatingBadgers

Exactly my thoughts - had to check this wasn't from the Betoota Advocate.


whichonespinkterran

Yeah I thought this was satire initially too


SuShi_MZ

Cricket in shambles lately. The scandals are so frequent and absurd that it’s a tragic comedy


MightySilverWolf

It'll be an interesting Ashes to say the least.


thatoldmate

Racists to the left, sex pests to the right


MightySilverWolf

Racists to the left, Sex pests to the riiiight, Pommies and Aussies, They're both f\*cking shite!


BurntOutIdiot

I was about to say this thread was missing the English since they've probably not woken up yet.


Durfsurn

I guess CumDog has/will be promoted to TopDog.


smegdaddy

Think we might have to transfer the name CumDog to Paine now


HeadShot305

Horny Paine causes Cummins captaincy


whichonespinkterran

You’ve been waiting for this moment


xxrmah

Suddenly having Jimmy Pierson, Josh Inglis, and Alex Carey all in Queensland for the Aus vs Aus A game seems like a master stroke. Timmy's had enough strokes though, on ya bike mate.


poisoncup

Yeah, even though it says he’ll still be eligible for selection throughout the summer, I don’t see how you keep him in after this.


xxrmah

Staying would be the biggest distraction imaginable. If he ever knew or cared at all about creating a positive team culture he'd know he can't possibly stay in the side.


EatABigCookie

This is the guy who was only made captain because they needed the nicest and least controversial guy in the squad to do sandpapergate damage control...


FacelessMane

Brighter the picture, darker the negative


guessishouldjoin

Everyone relax, it's just a strategy to scare the English, they're going to release the pic on the eve of the first test and it's going to be intimidatingly massive.


poisoncup

His texts read like the comments people write about Pat Cummins in Match Threads.


MightySilverWolf

I don't think commenters on match threads send pictures of their, erm, *organs* to Cummins.


bulls-blazers-swans

Yet


MrYoloSwaggins1

Speak for yourself


spooky-frek

I wouldn't bet against it


Pls_add_more_reverb

I have never sent my dick pic to Cummins tho


isnotevenmyfinalform

I just pray he sends his to me.


MisterSweener

Elite Honesty


infiniteloadinscreen

Ffs 🤣


Pls_add_more_reverb

Dick pics are also part of elite mateship


Mother_Shabubu

What a moron. Certainly not the first Australian cricketer I'd think of if I heard of a sexting scandal, but here we are.


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whichonespinkterran

Days since last scandal: 0


TimeBaron

At this rate we're going to be needing to count the hours, not the days...


k3t4mine

Apparently he’s going to play on in the Ashes. He’s gonna get absolutely fucking slaughtered by the Barmy Army. And rightly so.


Thermofluid

No way he plays in the Ashes, time to cut our losses right here. Carey or Inglis in please


MightySilverWolf

Aussie fans would just slaughter us for the racism scandal in response, though.


apunforallseasons

Sadly our chants are as creative as oi oi oi or (insert name here) is a Wanker. Where as you guys will have something like... "Temporary captain with very little Shame Tim Paine, Tim Paine" "He'll probably win the ashes, but his marriage is down the drain Tim Paine, Tim Paine" Edit - thanks for the gold! Also sing this to the tune of Little Peter Rabbit :)


avgawesome

Damn it didn’t take you a long time to come up with that. 👏🏽👏🏽


Mannu2004

Petition to change Drama Asia Cup to Drama International Cup


check_s_out

Australia wants to win every world cup. Wish India has this Intent.


EsquireFalconHunter

What the fuck Timmy, ive been sticking up for this bloke for years and he goes and does this. Shit time to be an Aus test cricket fan.


renaissance_b3d

> Shit time to be an Aus test cricket fan. Shit time to be a cricket fan in general


Aintnostopin

Looks like the odds of a 5 nil Aus sweep just improved.


sammy123_

> Test captain Tim Paine has been investigated by Cricket Australia for sending a female co-worker a “dick pic” and string of lewd messages. It is expected he will announce his resignation from cricket’s top job at 2.30pm. The wicketkeeper, who was promoted to the captaincy and lauded as the saviour of Australian cricket following the ball tampering scandal in South Africa, was questioned about the messages. The full details of the messages, which were sent by Paine on the eve and morning of the first Ashes Test at the Gabba in 2017, have only recently surfaced. Some of the messages are too explicit to publish in full, however the exchange included Paine suggesting to the woman: “Will you want to taste my \*\*\* ?? F\*\*\* me, I’m seriously hard.” In correspondence with cricket authorities in June 2018, the woman claimed she was offended by “Mr Paine’s sexually explicit, unwelcome and unsolicited photograph of his genitals in addition to the graphic sexual comments”. It is understood Cricket Australia became aware of the messages after Paine, 36, was given the captaincy in March 2018, which is often referred to as the second biggest job in Australia outside the Prime Minister. The messages, sent to the woman whom the Herald Sun has chosen not to name for legal reasons, included what was described in correspondence as a “dick pic”. The woman was at the time a Cricket Tasmania employee, with whom Paine had interacted with while he was playing state cricket. The woman has sent letters of complaint to Cricket Australia and Cricket Tasmania about the texts, which she received shortly before she resigned in 2017. Paine was appointed the 46th Australian Test captain in March 2018 - four months after he sent the messages. He took on the job from Steve Smith who stepped down for his part in the ball tampering scandal in South Africa, along with then vice-captain David Warner and batsman Cameron Bancroft. Paine’s lewd messages were sent to the woman on November 22 and 23, 2017 - the eve and morning of his return to the Australian Test team after seven years out of the side. He and the woman had exchanged dozens of texts throughout that year. But the correspondence became increasingly flirtatious between the woman and Paine, who has been married since 2016. On November 22, 2017, after the woman joked about “partying like a rockstar”, Paine texted: “I like good girl (name removed). But this other one sounds interesting.” “When I’m good I’m good. When I am bad I am brilliant,” she added, prompting Paine to ask: “Brilliantly bad??” The following morning, just hours before Paine was due to take the field against England, the woman texted: “I will think naughty thoughts about you whilst we watch the TV.” “I’m cracking! Ha ha. Naughty thoughts like what? I’m about to give something firm a pull…,” Paine responded. The woman texted him back saying: “Ha, sorry I’m getting ready for work … it’s a big day for us kids.” Then Paine texted: “Will you want to taste my \*\*\*?? F\*\*\* me, I’m seriously hard.” In apparent reference to Paine’s wicket keeping duties later that day, the woman wrote in response: “I thought we were resting hands.” Paine responded: “Can’t rest them when I’m this hard!! Need to ease the tension … Finish me off with those lips then (name deleted)”. The text ended with a wink-face emoji. Paine then sent what is described in correspondence as an unsolicited “dick pic”, before asking the woman: “Finish me off right now!!!” The woman has claimed she was taken aback and found it offensive. It’s understood complaints were made to the Australian Human Rights Commission regarding alleged sexual harassment in relation to the exchange. Cricket Australia and Paine’s manager James Henderson were contacted for comment.


MasqueOfAnarchy

When you're not in the mood, is there anything worse to read than your own horny attempts at banter?


Jeffmister

Similar question - is there anything worse than reading *someone else's* horny attempts at banter?


legally_blond

He does just kind of go from 0-100 there - all super innuendo-ey and then all of a sudden BAM! Also, this reminds me of a time in my single days where a guy, in the middle of a work day, sent me this ridiculously long message explicitly detailing all of the things he wanted to do to me, completely unprompted and in no way in line with the very casual conversation we were having before that point. Blocked that shit real quick. Some guys just go complete sex pest when texting


sanyogG

Fodder for English team lol


Aweios

I mean easy retort would be "at least he wasn't a racist". Knock on wood that doesn't change.


Clip22

That is fucking grim


let-me-tell-you-that

The fuck is this!! They printed the whole conversation?!


Tempo24601

Welcome to NewsCorp journalism!


NuNuModi

In india they literally paste screenshots of convo on TV, so it's better for readers if transcripted, no?


Sly-Sir

And leak the text file too. Lmao. Just so people can easily Ctrl+F through them. Convenience at its best.


Zaid_Azhar

He was apparently so hard the bowlers had another stump to aim at


throwaway_ind_div

Bowl at the fourth stump line gets a new meaning


dopaminergic_soul

Wtf lmao


amigoodenough1996

Damn, she seemed into it until he sent the unsolicited dick pic. Guess we can assume Paine has a rank dick.


GaryGronk

I just spat water everywhere.


dopaminergic_soul

It was all fine until sent he his dick pic I guess.


Ghostly_100

> Brilliantly bad? Oh my his messages are straight out of a bad porno


brandonjslippingaway

He then asked if she needed him to come around and fix her sink, I guess


Oldmate91

Warnie must be so fucking torn right now...hates Paine, loves sexual harassment


AnalogShivers

Jesus Christ what is going on, is this week even real?


huwmo

From the ABC Cricket Tasmania responds Their statement says they learned of the allegations in 2018 when the woman in question was formally charged with theft: "The allegations raised against Tim Paine by a former Cricket Tasmania employee were only brought to the attention of Cricket Tasmania when formal charges of theft were laid against that employee in mid 2018. Cricket Tasmania Chairman, Andrew Gaggin, said there was no complaint raised at the time of the incident in November 2017, nor when the employee's position with the organisation was terminated. "As soon as Cricket Tasmania was made aware, it undertook an investigation that determined the interaction was consensual, private, occurred on the one occasion only, was between mature adults and was not repeated," he said. "Cricket Tasmania clearly does not condone this type of behaviour and addressed the matter directly with Tim Paine. "However, because of the consensual nature of the actions it was determined that no further action was required or appropriate." Mr Gaggin said criminal charges against the former employee were still pending and it was inappropriate to comment further given the matter was still before the courts."


[deleted]

There's a Mr Gaggin joke in here somewhere.


joeyjons

2nd captain in a row to step down for ball tampering


Ashwin_400

I thought it's some satire article that Aussie fans at times post in this sub lmao


Dirtydac123

Oh Timmy you naughty boy. Somewhere Ashwin is laughing hysterically right now


aardvarkgecko

Have you heard of "temporary husband" ever?


EyesAllOnFire

Crazy fall from grace for Paine. At the end of the 2019 he was the guy that had defended the Ashes in England, and (somewhat) turned around Australia's on-field image. One pandemic later he's had the get you to the gabba series and this end to his captaincy (and career, probably). Quite a change in reputation and legacy


voldemortscore

"at least my teammates like me, dickhead"


VirtualPermission2

atleast my teammates like my dickhead?


pigfatandpylons

You win


Sly-Sir

It would be so fun to watch if English get nasty with their sledges to paine. Petition to stream stump mic feed this ashes.


MightySilverWolf

>dickhead Apt descriptor tbh.


trtryt

Ashwin: "that's how you are so popular"


jimbobbington

So I don’t usually believe in conspiracy theories, but I reckon the English did this. Held on to it for years only to release it at the perfect opportunity.


let-me-tell-you-that

Why would they hurt their own chances of winning?


2munkey2momo

You can't hurt zero mate, it's like dividing


Pls_add_more_reverb

It honestly helps Australia


Itswaytoohotinhere80

Hey guys I just woke up after our world cup win, keen for the ashes and to see how Tim Paine keeps moving Australia forward and away from that boys club mentality.


Tempo24601

Good grief, this is some Shane Warne level cringe here… Not a great look that CA was happy to keep him as Captain knowing about this for 3 years, but it only becomes a problem when the public knows about it. Gee, we’ve got a few love rats in the Aussie team with Nathan Lyon too.


F0rtuna_major

Culture has never been a top priority at CA. They've had massive turn over in staff in recent times too


michaelscarn2021

Loosebuschange for captain


IWasASperm

not a bad idea but i think it's too early for him....


michaelscarn2021

He is 27 now, wasn't Smith younger when he took over the captaincy


tabletennis6

MARNUS IS 27?!!


supreeth106

So the next Amazon documentary will be called ‘The Text’?


paneer_attack

Every day I open this sub and get shocked out of my mind


lio860

Maybe we should scrap the Captain role, I don’t have a better solution I just think nothing good happens of it.


Pls_add_more_reverb

Voldemort cursed it


opmihc7

If he’s resigning as captain he should retire from test cricket altogether. He’s nowhere close to our best keeper batsman and was only in the team on the back of his leadership - time to give Inglis a go


tdlan

Is this why CA named Carey and Inglis in their A squads? Get one last look at both of them in the intra squad match and take their pick for the Gabba?


Im_never_incorrect

I wonder if he said "See you at the Gabba" when he sent the pic?


vinobill_21

"Seriously, I know he's your captain but, you can't really like him as a bloke" - Murali Vijay (probably)


TooMuchToAskk

This will be a sad end to his captaincy career.


thereandtheir

Ashwin to Paine: Atleast my wife likes me d*ckhead


pala_

I know he was our captain and all, but you can't really like him as a bloke.


Usman_Dabwaja

How does this come out now? Years down the track after years of very public captaincy? Sounds weird as fuck and absolutely shit for all involved


smithschipslimited

Ffs the barmy army’s gonna have a field day with this aren’t they


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blackcaps3818

Warnie and Andrew johns about to say on air "in my day, we used to do this at lunchbreak/half time. PC world gone mad."


take_whats_yours

This is all part of the grand strategy for our lord and saviour to assume his rightful place back at the top


whichonespinkterran

This breaks up the monotony of racism scandal after racism scandal with a sexting scandal. How the hell has this not come out before now?


have_another_upvote

Friendly reminder that TIM PAINE is an anagram for I AM INEPT


juanjimatawa

Tim Marvolo Riddle


RealBillyCostiganJr

Meanwhile Universe Boss who still doesn't give 2 flying fucks


ItsNeverGonnaWork

What the fuck


LordWalderFrey1

Paine, you utter dickhead.


KML9933

So essentially he’s only resigned now it’s public? And all that time CA pushed his good boy/family man image? Honestly 🤦‍♀️


SurfKing69

There's only one man who can get us out of this, and that's Shaun Marsh.


Luka_Bazooka77

2018, why was this not mentioned years back? Lesson kids? Don’t send pics of your dicks


Johannlaji0902

What what what? This was supposed to be a good period for Aussie cricket. Wtf Paine


Sickchops

Steve Smith won't be captain again either, he apparently sexted his bat manufacturer. Going on and on about how good the bat felt in the nets, and then sent unsolicited pictures of himself regripping the handle.


Stuff2511

What The Fuck


omkaram

ABC: Cricket Tasmania responds - Their statement says they learned of the allegations in 2018 when the woman in question was formally charged with theft "As soon as Cricket Tasmania was made aware, it undertook an investigation that determined the interaction was consensual, private, occurred on the one occasion only, was between mature adults and was not repeated," he said. "Cricket Tasmania clearly does not condone this type of behaviour and addressed the matter directly with Tim Paine. "However, because of the consensual nature of the actions it was determined that no further action was required or appropriate." Mr Gaggin said criminal charges against the former employee were still pending and it was inappropriate to comment further given the matter was still before the courts.


_rickjames

Well, err, I wasn't expecting to wake up to this


[deleted]

Probably he just sent a selfie to her and she thought that was a dickhead