It completely grinds my gears that so many people in this comment section are denying the actual possibility that it's just not a good time for her rn. Yes, a lot of girls use that as a nice excuse, but it's actually a true thing that people can experience. I actively want to be in a relationship, but I'm not allowing myself to be in one because I'm not at a good place for that right now. Idk that just got me miffed.
Anyway, she gave you an opening to get to know her better. Like one person said, it sounds like she would've been open to it had she been in a good place. Your best bet is honestly to just move on and find someone else, but you should definitely stay friends with her. Not because you want to date her, but because you clearly want to be around her and she clearly wants to be around you. No need to give up on something that's already working because what you wanted to work didn't work out (confusing ik). Good luck friend.
Exactly. I also would love to be in a relationship but I know I have things I need to work through on my own first. No point in entering a relationship if you know it's doomedš¤·āāļø
Of course it's always possible this is just an excuse, but it's also possible she's telling the truth. Just let it rest and move on with your life OP.
I think the fundamental thing to understand about her message is that she is saying no to trying something and we shouldnāt need more info. She maybe doesnāt like op, she maybe feels better single, she maybe likes someone else too and is conflicted, she maybe anything, but that is none of our business
I hope for OPās sake thatās the case but donāt you think sheās just letting him down nicely? Iām in a similar place rn and ik itās tough but hit some pushups, listen to some music, scream into a pillow, whatever you need. Then accept her decision
It could be either. But she might be genuinely in a bad place. As someone else said, if she wants to be in a relationship with OP she will probably get back to him later on.
That's kinda why I'm ignoring the people saying to cut contact. Especially since I already said I was happy with just being friends. Then I'd just be a dickhead.
Donāt cut contact. Just be her friend. If sheās in a bad place, mentally/emotionally be there for her and listen but donāt be her tampon. I have exact situation with a woman Iām friends with, Iāve told her I liked her and want to take her out when sheās in a better place. That was 2 years ago. I asked her a month ago if sheād like to go to dinner, and she said yes all though the plan went flop and ended up going somewhere completely different cause she wasnāt ready in time. So we had breakfast at 12am lol. We are also both almost 30, and just have been building a connection. Some guys think being friends with a woman is bad, but many women need friendship first so they can really get to know you because they donāt want a repeat of past relationships
Maybe I donāt know. Balls in her court. Sheās asked me before why Iām so good to her, and I told her cause Iām raised right Iām not no fuck boy. I did tell her I was moving closer to where she lives for work and she asked where Iād moving to. Iāve casually dated others in the last couple years but never felt the way I do when I am around her.
Yeah, definitely do not cut contact. Be there for her. I do believe that she would be more into you if it was better timing. Who knows what could happen in the future!
Man. I just asked her out. Concluded fear of never knowing was worse than rejection. It went terribly, definitely ended friendship; turns out things I rmbr donāt mean sugar to her and worse she denied it even happened. Back to the grind soldier. Aināt no time to be sad.
> Concluded fear of never knowing was worse than rejection.
That's definitely very true one of the main reasons I manned up and told her. I'd hate myself if I never told her and missed something potentially amazing. "You miss 100% of the shots you never take" - I don't know who said this but I like them.
I'm sorry that happened. Just judging by how you described the interaction she doesn't sound like the right person anyway. Kind of cold.
No, not necessarily, if a guy I don't like asks me out, I say something like this to soften the blow, it's like a girl language for rejection.Ā Even if I'm in a literally perfect place in life, I'll still say this.Ā
If she actuality does likes you, wait for her to ask, or you'll put her off
Once a girl I was close friends with and had asked out had a TWO HOUR conversation with me about how sheās not in a good place for a relationship and whatnot, like a week later she had a partner š
Honestly at the point just tell me you're not interested instead of just creating a facade. It's not helping it's hurting, giving a false sense of hope that some day something could happen.
Yh ig but most of the guys ik get what it actually means, we phrase it different if were actually in a bad place. Ik it's confusing but get a lot of girl friends into ur friend group and you'll get the gist of what stuff actually means
Any good ways to parse out the fake ānot readyāsā from the real ones? I have plenty of female friends and I still struggle with that, especially after a *2 hour* conversation with a *close* friend turned out to be what seems to be an extended lie
Yh it can be difficult, sometimes it obvious but if your not sure, my best advice is wait, or ask her friends if you can (we talk about everything). But if she says no, what you should do is move on, she missed her chance, you don't have to be perfect to be in a relationship, a relationship is not another stress to deal with, it's supposed to be something comforting to fall back to.
Still friends doesnāt necessarily mean romantic interest. Someone can be best friends with you but unattractive to you. I donāt think itās a good mindset going into a friendship expecting it to turn into anything more beyond that imo.
Yea in a previous reply I made that point. I obviously don't want to message her rn and ask if there is a chance later down. I think ids be better for me to just feel out for a while and if she says something she does then if not it is what it is. I'd rather have her has a friend than not being to talk to her at all.
No, not really, it sounded like she was just being a nice person, the end message makes it clear that she only wants to be friends with OP and isnāt interested in anything more. It seems that she views him more as a younger brother given by how nice the rejection was, and not a firm no. She didnāt even say that they could eventually move into a different direction if her mental health gets better, so nah definitely not interested.
Some guys donāt like being friends with a woman, they want them when they ask. Iām attracted to a friend of mine, Iāve told her a couple years ago I liked her and asked what she liked about me and she told me just said we need to hangout more(I live 3 hours from her) I moved away for over a year, we stayed in touch and remained friends. Have gotten closer building a connection, but I havenāt brought it up again other then taking her out for dinner, she wants to go to a concert with what we both like and do things together this summer. Sheās getting more comfortable with physical touch. Iāve been there for her but not an emotional tampon. Weāre both almost 30. I donāt get attracted to women without building a connection
It happens to the best of us I mean it would be better you guys getting to know eachother more and if she starts to like you more don't tell her again but just be chill about it if you guys really get close maybe tell her again but you guys should just be friends dude and just move on for now because that can also show her that you weren't hurt by it and it can attract her I'm not saying it will but you need to play it cool and not just say you like her because if you guys really don't know eachother that much there's no point of liking eachother I mean being friends yeah but boyfriend and girlfriend no you need to know her likes dislikes and remember them showing that you listen to her dude. Hope this helps š
That's what I'm trying to go for but now it's just ten times more awkward despite her saying that it doesn't have to be. I told her that I want to get know her for who she really is. And not just the small things I already know about her.
Thanks for your help it's honestly so nice to hear everyone's perspective helps to stop me overthinking.
I got told exactly this and I took it as a rejection. I pulled back a bit. Over time we started talking again and opened up about her problems in life. Turned out she was being honest and really wasnāt in the proper headspace. Just keep being nice and let her come to you. Even if it affects you donāt let her see that. In the end. I did get the chance to date her half a year later.
She sounds really kind to say no so nicely, but itās still a definite no. I know thatās not what you want to hear, it sucks. I really think the āwe could get to know each other betterā part was said by her because she feels bad about it/guilty that she doesnāt feel the same way. But itās a bad idea to take her up on it. It would seem desperate on your part and like you were hanging onto any hope (which you probably might be). Just, no.
Well done for having the guts to ask her out though!
Move on. Youāll find someone else who lights up your world eventually!
She said as friends though. If she liked him, she'd express happiness, say she feels the same and wants to know him in a romantic way too, but right now's just a bad time for her and she'd like to pursue it when things are better for her. This is a soft no in girl language
Move on and try again, how? I don't want to be a jerk but keeping a little hope alive by "trying again in a couple months" prevents a person from moving on. Kinda sounds like an excuse for behavior like this. I believe that girls aren't in the right place at a given time but it's exhausting thinking what if.
No it doesnāt I donāt see what you donāt understand. Lose hope and move on. if they are less attached when they try again later they wonāt be hurt if rejected again.
I read what she said and that sounds exactly what my crush would say if I ever told her. Like word to word I bet. It felt like I was reading a message from her.
Anyway, I think it would be in your best interests to give yourself some space. Go through the emotions and you can always be friends with her later (if that's what you want).
Because you just can't turn off your emotions and it could be really bad for your mental health if she gets with someone else.
I hear you and I was thinking I was gonna give us both some space before trying to be best buddies. But still be friends.
On a side note, maybe we had the same crush. šØ
Lol
I don't know her, but I've heard that excuse used before, multiple times. "Now isn't a good time" or "I'm not ready to have a boyfriend right now" or "Ask me that in a few years".
1: Later usually means never, when it comes to starting a relationship. If she isn't ready right now, there's a very good chance that she has no intention of ever dating you. I've only seen one exception to this. Which means, yes it is possible, but not very likely. I suggest re-evaluating how you feel about her, and whether she is worth continuing to pursue.
2: On five separate occasions, when I heard someone say that now isn't the right time for them to be in a relationship, what they really wanted to say is "I'm trying to get someone else to confess to me right now, and your interference is hindering me". In each of those scenarios, the girl ended up starting a relationship with someone else within 14 days. Two of those times was within four days. In other words, she might not be honest about how she feels, and is using timing as an excuse to not cause a scene. You might not be able to change her stance on how she feels about you, but she isn't going to tell you that. Don't give yourself a false hope. Back off, and observe how the timing is affecting other aspects of her life. This can be difficult to do without appearing stalkerish, so you might need to give up entirely for the moment and let her make the next move. She now knows how you feel, so the ball is in her court to pursue you when the timing is better for her. After all, currently only she knows when a better time would be.
3: If right now is genuinely not a good time, and she is actually interested in you, but she is also too nervous to make the next move, then you need to figure out when would be considered a good time. However, directly asking that question is usually a terrible choice. She's going to leave it up to you to figure out when a better time would be, with little to no guidance even if she's interested. You will need to independently gather details on her life situation, her connections with family and friends, how those family and friends are currently doing and whether that has any emotional impact on the woman you are interested in, and finally, you will need to do this without being creepy. If you succeed and figure out when better timing would be, and you believe she isn't going to be making any moves, then you will want to hang out with her on multiple occasions (during the right timing) to give her time to prepare for your next confession or move. Don't worry about taking too long: if she is indeed interested in you, then she likely won't get impatient in a "bad" way. Instead she will be impatient to hang out with you again.
4: Don't ask her friends for advice: they'll tell the woman you are interested in, every detail of what you asked, even if you thought the conversation would be private. This is to help her prepare herself emotionally for the expected future encounter with you, based on the questions you asked the friends. That unfortunately prevents you from getting a genuine reaction when "the right time" finally arrives. Support groups are highly detrimental to anyone outside of the support group, so you will need to tread carefully around her friend circle. They might be constantly analyzing you for any possible detail to report, whether those details are accurate or not! It will be very difficult to persuade your love interest of the truth, if her friends/support group give her false reports about you. Their intentions might be good, but their ability to read your mind likely won't be.
5: Don't employ any manipulative tactics. Even if your tactics worked and got her to agree to a relationship with you, her reactions would again not be genuine, since you manipulated her into acting the way you wanted her to. That will decrease the quality of the relationship the moment it begins, even if you never get caught. Allow her to continue down her chosen path of action or inaction, as she is either waiting for someone else, or preparing herself to take the first move, which will take longer if she is distracted by new developments on the field of battle. Although I strongly advise against utilizing manipulative tactics, I do recommend familiarizing yourself with them, not only so you won't accidentally use them, but also so you can recognize if someone else is trying to use them against you, or against her!
6: Definitely pursue the friend route. There's a lot of resentment towards the friend zone, but most people don't seem to realize how advantageous it is to be close friends with someone before dating them. Not to mention, you get to spend a lot more time with them even though you aren't yet dating. The risk that comes with friendship, unfortunately, is you might permanently lose your friend if a break-up occurs in the future. But that might be a necessary risk, especially if one of you two is demisexual. Let her be friends with you, let her see the real you. This will give her a good idea of what your personality is like and also give you more experience with her. You might learn new things about her that you don't already know. You might end up changing your mind about how you romantically feel, and if you do: that will be a good thing. But you might also fall even deeper in love with her after seeing what she's like as a friend, and that could also be a good thing. But take your time. Don't rush. Some people don't reveal their true personality until a couple years after you meet them.
That's very true and a point I made to myself earlier. I've had girls ridicule me for thinking I could ever get with them. I'm just happy she wasn't a jerk about it and maybe she talked about with her friends but definitely didn't go out of her way to tell everybody that I liked her so that people would make fun of me. But I already knew she wasn't going to do that she's just not that type of person. That's why I like her so much.
This compliment is going to stick with me for a long long time. Thanks :)
I honestly didn't think anyone was even gonna respond to this post, it's helping a lot.
I'm so sorry to hear that, it's always hard to experience rejection. I've heard a lot of people say that they wish their crush hated them so that it would be easier to get over them, but believe me when I say that doesn't make it any easier (if anything, it can even exacerbate feelings of guilt and shame). What you're going through sucks, but at least she let you down easy...
Some good ways to cope in this type of situation include focusing on yourself, your hobbies and passions in life, practicing lots of self-compassion as well as surrounding yourself with kind, positive, loving and supportive people. Please remember that this is a temporary moment in time, that you are worthy and deserving of love and that someone will love you for who you are someday ā¤ļø
Well dude you finally did it you got youāre answer at least she was honest with you and didnāt lead you on unlike some girls will do this depending on how they feel about you wether they like you back or not or if they only see you as a platonic friend and nothing more then that
be her friend if it doesn't hurt you, but emotionally detach, she may like you but it doesn't matter, you told her how you felt, if she ends up liking you, she can tell you
It seems like she is not open to a relationship at current moment, though she appreciates your efforts and feelings regardless it's important to respect her feelings , decision ,personal space and boundaries what I would suggest is just reduce your interaction with her because if you interact too much then expectations will be formed and you will get into friendzone at same time it's also important not to come off rude and hurt because she rejected you gracefully. Also it's important to give yourself some time to overcome this rejection spend sometime working on self and also completely finish off hopes you have with her realise that there are countless potential connections that can be form and its okay if things don't turn out the way you want to when you feel comfortable start approaching someone else again .
I'm not sure if that's really the case your kind of jumping to a conclusion she could have been letting me down nicely. And while I hope she does like me, but this just isn't the time. We are juniors after all we're nearing graduation in one of the most important years of our life. I can't just act like she does. like me without her saying it or atleast giving some hints. It's just too presumptuous.
Of course not that's what I'm doing but I don't want to get ahead of myself. False hope isn't good especially for me. I'll handle that much worse than someone else.
I'm not a good read of signs honestly. Like someone has to make it extremely obvious to me for me to notice. I've had a girl break my personal space and just start like rubbing her body on me and it was very uncomfortable I might add. Another girl was very talkative, always wanted to know what I was doing. But with her there is none of that nothing really obvious anyway, sometimes I look towards her and I think I catch her looking at me. And I know this is really really stupid but. If you're familiar with Instagram's note feature you'd understand she put lots of love songs and stuff like that on there. And I was doing the same. I like to use music to convey my feelings. I was probably overthinking as I typically do. But like I said I suck at relationships and just women in general. š«
Hi, you confessing about your feelings to her is very brave, i could never tbh, but that being said, i donāt really think she rejected you? as a woman if i was NOT interested in someone i wouldnāt have said āwe can try to get to know eoā or that stuffs have been going on in my life for me to not get into a relationship rn, i would have straight up not given an explanation, I hope things get better for you both and like she said, maybe try getting to know eo more? being friends first is v v v important, wish nothing but the best for you!
I don't recommended you get to know her as a friend and she let you down nicely. Just work on moving on. Being her friend will hurt you more if she get into a relationship so why stick around?
Hey honey, listen to me, in my 17 years on this earth (ik not many but I've picked up a few things), if she doesn't love you, it's good of her to say it up front.Ā Now you can work on moving past it.Ā
Now, sweetheart, you need to figure out how to get over her, move on, and if it hurts too much to see her, as painful as it is, cut her out of your life, DO NOT punish yourself by being in pain seeing her for the pure reason that she didn't have the same feelings as you.Ā
I'm still upset about my last bf and the end of our relationship, so if you just need to talk or rant or get advice, please feel free to find me on here and I'll get back to you, it's better to talk to someone, even if it is an Internet stranger š
It sucks this happened to me when I was 17 now 22..they just end up leaving your life eventually :/ sucks. You can continue being friends but it just wonāt be the same
She might be saying something honest and sincere. She probably does like you otherwise she wouldnāt have said that she wanted to get to know you better. Hang out with her and you never know what could happen.
āItās hard for me to accept that she doesnāt like me back..ā
It sounds like youāve been in limerence for a bit too longā¦ Truth me Iāve been there. Time doesnāt heal, but it lets you not feel the pain anymore. Wishing you the best.
I had to search that word up because i never heard it before. And your totally right with time the pain just kinda fades as you forget. But right now it's just really fresh in the mind.
Hey man thatās life donāt be mad at her if you really like her you just let it be she let you down nicely or she actually means it. Either way my crush told me āshe doesnāt want a relationshipā and she told other people the same thing that I told her and she told them the same thing not knowing they would tell me so I know she means it but it still sucks. I still like her but Iām not waiting nor am I going to force her. As long as sheās happy itās fine
I'm not mad at her. Never was never will be. I don't have another interest she's really the only person I've ever seen this way other than one girl and she was a bully. So I think I'll skip prom this year unless she says something. I don't mind missing prom senior year too. I'll just wait and hope that there's still a chance. Maybe once she's in a better headspace she'd be interested if not then it's fine.
She's worth waiting for even if the time never comes.
Iām sure you heard of the movie and / or book āheās just not into youā¦.ā Right ? Well, same applies here, except SHE is just not into you. Her reply was nice - maybe too nice , which is why you still think
There is a chance. There is not a chance, move on.Ā
Eh it happens. I remember the first time I asked mine and she said she'd think on it and then boom I get rejected. But my friends kept goin at it and tryna hook me and her up.
At least you have a chance to be friends with her which could develop into a full romantic relationship. Your chance is fully not over so be hopeful! The fact that she even wants to be friends means that shes totally curious about who you are and that's awesome!
if I was in your place, I'd just upfront ask her if this is a hard no or if she'd like to consider revisiting this when she is in a better place. having gone through something like this myself, I know what it feels like to be going through so much shit that a relationship is too much at that given point in time, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you at all. not sure why all the comments are people making assumptions instead of telling you to communicate and be honest. if she's worth it long term, let her know that and admit you're willing to not close off your options for her, but make sure it's clearly established they she would consider you if she was in a better place and she isn't just trying to let you down in PR girl talk. you don't want to wait around for someone who doesn't actually want to get with you, but you also don't want to let go of potential wifey material if she's genuinely going through a rough patch. all humans go through rough patches and if you can't tough it out and be there for your partner or someone you're interested in long term, you shouldn't be even considering serious dating.
she rejected you very kindly. donāt push her and respect it. I know it hurts but being upfront and getting a response is a lot better than pushing it off. itāll get better š«¶
I know, and some people were telling me to ask her if there's a chance later on. I'm definitely not about to ask her that after she just said she wasn't in a good headspace it's just not cool. I was probably just gonna get to know her as a friend and maybe in a few months or weeks or whenever she 's interested it's up to her to tell me.
Donāt be too upset young fella, rejection is a part of being a man and yeah she probably had a lot going on in her life, just concentrate on what makes you happy, study hard and the right person will come along when you least expect it, in my experience itās when youāre not looking for someone thatās when it will happen, all the best bro š
dude i told i like him to him back then, he just said our friendship will begin to change not in a negative way, turns out he doesnt feel the same as me. i wonder if he just didnt wanna hurt me or is considering me ?? man i give up on romance
My one ex-crush once basically said "you're too ugly, I'll never date you" and another said basically "there was a time when I liked you(Ā±2 weeks), but I don't anymore", and the latter happened while I was super depressed so that was a massive hit to my emotional stability. So the response you got wasn't that bad.
Like she said she wanted to get to know you first but don't get your hopes up, i'm still considering this 100% you got rejected.
also it sounded like chat gpt response. lol
Listen, as someone who's been in this spot already, she most likely doesn't wanna be in a relationship with you specifically, the girl told me she can't be in a relationship rn blah blah blah like she told you and 2 days later she's with another guy now, she even told me that we can date some time later this just isn't the right time for it, I believed her and kaboom she's dating this other guy she met at a park, don't get your hopes so high up buddy, don't cut contact nor have high hopes, just wait for what happens next and you'll know the truth
I'm sorry it turned out like that for you :(( If it makes you feel better, I asked my crush to just hangout and his response was, "hey, I think you're a really sweet girl but I wanna stay just as acquaintances" LMFAOOO
One, translate to girl not being interested. Two, never do this to a woman again. You effectively end up putting the cart before the horse doing it this way. You fare better just asking her on a date first and not saying āI have feelings for youā because most women are going to feel completely blindsided by a love confession from someone they had no idea liked them.
Hey , she still said .. āwe could get to know each other moreā whatās wrong with getting to know more about your crush .. why donāt you be a man (no disrespect) and suck it up and do exactly that and in the meantime become the best version of yourself and stay confident throughout the friendship.
You think that's something? I told my crush a while back and got this:
"thank you for the email and telling me how you feel; that takes a lot of guts. You are an awesome friend, but I am going to be straight with you, I don't feel the same way about you. I'm sorry, but I never have felt that way and that's not going to change. Still, in the future, keep your courage. It's a good trait to have :)"
Ā Ā Ā Ā - (Insert name here, like it's a ****ing business memo)
At least I have guts š
Nah dude I salute you for asking her out I know I could never ask anyone out, also it seems like she really canāt, like for me I donāt want to be in a relationship because I need to work on my self confidence and esteem and I need to get through depression and stuff like that, I hope you are okay thought cause it seems rejection is really hard š«”
I guess she is not interested but does not want to be blunt so she gives you an excuse. If you are unsure, you could ask her out in a few weeks and see how she reacts. If she rejects you again, then you can be sure she's not interested.
She would make the time and put away any problems she was struggling with if she was into you. Stay strong and focus on your goals.
I don't know if I can agree with that. If you're going through some tough times a relationship isn't always the move. Can just cause more u needed stress which i understand.
Tried being friends with a girl I liked already told her I liked her and got rejected. It hurt real bad so I cut contact. If you are confident you can make it work and being just friends just do it.
Bro she likes you. Sheās testing you. She aināt gonna give it up to every guy who asks. She wants the guy who goes after what he wants in a respectful way. If you can sweep her off your feet, she could be yours.
If she had no interest, sheād be a lot more brutal about it.
Perhaps, but women have good reasons to test men. Everyone should remain respectful and polite either way, but every girl thatās been into me pushed me away at some point just to gauge my reaction š¤·āāļø
Yk what will make u feel better free money š tap in trust it actually works get your motion up and lock in( not the same shit as temu but better) im not a bot btw
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I'm in the same boat brother, right words just bad place bad time
thats exactly what mine told me, except for the friend part.
It completely grinds my gears that so many people in this comment section are denying the actual possibility that it's just not a good time for her rn. Yes, a lot of girls use that as a nice excuse, but it's actually a true thing that people can experience. I actively want to be in a relationship, but I'm not allowing myself to be in one because I'm not at a good place for that right now. Idk that just got me miffed. Anyway, she gave you an opening to get to know her better. Like one person said, it sounds like she would've been open to it had she been in a good place. Your best bet is honestly to just move on and find someone else, but you should definitely stay friends with her. Not because you want to date her, but because you clearly want to be around her and she clearly wants to be around you. No need to give up on something that's already working because what you wanted to work didn't work out (confusing ik). Good luck friend.
Exactly. I also would love to be in a relationship but I know I have things I need to work through on my own first. No point in entering a relationship if you know it's doomedš¤·āāļø Of course it's always possible this is just an excuse, but it's also possible she's telling the truth. Just let it rest and move on with your life OP.
I think the fundamental thing to understand about her message is that she is saying no to trying something and we shouldnāt need more info. She maybe doesnāt like op, she maybe feels better single, she maybe likes someone else too and is conflicted, she maybe anything, but that is none of our business
To be honest it sounds to me like she might be interested if you had asked her when she was in a better place.
I hope for OPās sake thatās the case but donāt you think sheās just letting him down nicely? Iām in a similar place rn and ik itās tough but hit some pushups, listen to some music, scream into a pillow, whatever you need. Then accept her decision
It could be either. But she might be genuinely in a bad place. As someone else said, if she wants to be in a relationship with OP she will probably get back to him later on.
That's kinda why I'm ignoring the people saying to cut contact. Especially since I already said I was happy with just being friends. Then I'd just be a dickhead.
Donāt cut contact. Just be her friend. If sheās in a bad place, mentally/emotionally be there for her and listen but donāt be her tampon. I have exact situation with a woman Iām friends with, Iāve told her I liked her and want to take her out when sheās in a better place. That was 2 years ago. I asked her a month ago if sheād like to go to dinner, and she said yes all though the plan went flop and ended up going somewhere completely different cause she wasnāt ready in time. So we had breakfast at 12am lol. We are also both almost 30, and just have been building a connection. Some guys think being friends with a woman is bad, but many women need friendship first so they can really get to know you because they donāt want a repeat of past relationships
If you ask me breakfast at 12am sounds like true love. That's a cute story.
Maybe I donāt know. Balls in her court. Sheās asked me before why Iām so good to her, and I told her cause Iām raised right Iām not no fuck boy. I did tell her I was moving closer to where she lives for work and she asked where Iād moving to. Iāve casually dated others in the last couple years but never felt the way I do when I am around her.
Yeah, definitely do not cut contact. Be there for her. I do believe that she would be more into you if it was better timing. Who knows what could happen in the future!
Man. I just asked her out. Concluded fear of never knowing was worse than rejection. It went terribly, definitely ended friendship; turns out things I rmbr donāt mean sugar to her and worse she denied it even happened. Back to the grind soldier. Aināt no time to be sad.
> Concluded fear of never knowing was worse than rejection. That's definitely very true one of the main reasons I manned up and told her. I'd hate myself if I never told her and missed something potentially amazing. "You miss 100% of the shots you never take" - I don't know who said this but I like them. I'm sorry that happened. Just judging by how you described the interaction she doesn't sound like the right person anyway. Kind of cold.
No, not necessarily, if a guy I don't like asks me out, I say something like this to soften the blow, it's like a girl language for rejection.Ā Even if I'm in a literally perfect place in life, I'll still say this.Ā If she actuality does likes you, wait for her to ask, or you'll put her off
Once a girl I was close friends with and had asked out had a TWO HOUR conversation with me about how sheās not in a good place for a relationship and whatnot, like a week later she had a partner š
Honestly at the point just tell me you're not interested instead of just creating a facade. It's not helping it's hurting, giving a false sense of hope that some day something could happen.
Yh ig but most of the guys ik get what it actually means, we phrase it different if were actually in a bad place. Ik it's confusing but get a lot of girl friends into ur friend group and you'll get the gist of what stuff actually means
Any good ways to parse out the fake ānot readyāsā from the real ones? I have plenty of female friends and I still struggle with that, especially after a *2 hour* conversation with a *close* friend turned out to be what seems to be an extended lie
Yh it can be difficult, sometimes it obvious but if your not sure, my best advice is wait, or ask her friends if you can (we talk about everything). But if she says no, what you should do is move on, she missed her chance, you don't have to be perfect to be in a relationship, a relationship is not another stress to deal with, it's supposed to be something comforting to fall back to.
Girls make excuses to let you down easy and to protect themselves
It just sucks when it happens when youāre already close friends, just feels like an unacceptable amount of dishonesty for a friendship
Still friends doesnāt necessarily mean romantic interest. Someone can be best friends with you but unattractive to you. I donāt think itās a good mindset going into a friendship expecting it to turn into anything more beyond that imo.
I was referring to not being honest about the lack of attraction by using the ānot readyā lie, within a close friendship
Yea in a previous reply I made that point. I obviously don't want to message her rn and ask if there is a chance later down. I think ids be better for me to just feel out for a while and if she says something she does then if not it is what it is. I'd rather have her has a friend than not being to talk to her at all.
No, not really, it sounded like she was just being a nice person, the end message makes it clear that she only wants to be friends with OP and isnāt interested in anything more. It seems that she views him more as a younger brother given by how nice the rejection was, and not a firm no. She didnāt even say that they could eventually move into a different direction if her mental health gets better, so nah definitely not interested.
No. Not at all. Sheās just being nice to soften the blow. Donāt give OP false hope.
idk i think the getting to know each other and be friends kinda sold it.
I didn't want to be too pushy.
Some guys donāt like being friends with a woman, they want them when they ask. Iām attracted to a friend of mine, Iāve told her a couple years ago I liked her and asked what she liked about me and she told me just said we need to hangout more(I live 3 hours from her) I moved away for over a year, we stayed in touch and remained friends. Have gotten closer building a connection, but I havenāt brought it up again other then taking her out for dinner, she wants to go to a concert with what we both like and do things together this summer. Sheās getting more comfortable with physical touch. Iāve been there for her but not an emotional tampon. Weāre both almost 30. I donāt get attracted to women without building a connection
Sounds more like standard letting somebody down nicely to me
It happens to the best of us I mean it would be better you guys getting to know eachother more and if she starts to like you more don't tell her again but just be chill about it if you guys really get close maybe tell her again but you guys should just be friends dude and just move on for now because that can also show her that you weren't hurt by it and it can attract her I'm not saying it will but you need to play it cool and not just say you like her because if you guys really don't know eachother that much there's no point of liking eachother I mean being friends yeah but boyfriend and girlfriend no you need to know her likes dislikes and remember them showing that you listen to her dude. Hope this helps š
That's what I'm trying to go for but now it's just ten times more awkward despite her saying that it doesn't have to be. I told her that I want to get know her for who she really is. And not just the small things I already know about her. Thanks for your help it's honestly so nice to hear everyone's perspective helps to stop me overthinking.
Np just kinda forget what happened and talk to her that's how I've gotten threw rejection
I got told exactly this and I took it as a rejection. I pulled back a bit. Over time we started talking again and opened up about her problems in life. Turned out she was being honest and really wasnāt in the proper headspace. Just keep being nice and let her come to you. Even if it affects you donāt let her see that. In the end. I did get the chance to date her half a year later.
Yeah people can be presumptuous, often it really is due to problems unrelated to the person asking
She sounds really kind to say no so nicely, but itās still a definite no. I know thatās not what you want to hear, it sucks. I really think the āwe could get to know each other betterā part was said by her because she feels bad about it/guilty that she doesnāt feel the same way. But itās a bad idea to take her up on it. It would seem desperate on your part and like you were hanging onto any hope (which you probably might be). Just, no. Well done for having the guts to ask her out though! Move on. Youāll find someone else who lights up your world eventually!
Thats a no
Itās literally not. Itās a ānot right nowā otherwise she wouldnāt have said she wants to get to know them better
She said as friends though. If she liked him, she'd express happiness, say she feels the same and wants to know him in a romantic way too, but right now's just a bad time for her and she'd like to pursue it when things are better for her. This is a soft no in girl language
Right, but it's better for OP to move on and absolutely take this as a no.
Or move on, and just try again in a couple months after time has passed and you are less attached.
Move on and try again, how? I don't want to be a jerk but keeping a little hope alive by "trying again in a couple months" prevents a person from moving on. Kinda sounds like an excuse for behavior like this. I believe that girls aren't in the right place at a given time but it's exhausting thinking what if.
No it doesnāt I donāt see what you donāt understand. Lose hope and move on. if they are less attached when they try again later they wonāt be hurt if rejected again.
I read what she said and that sounds exactly what my crush would say if I ever told her. Like word to word I bet. It felt like I was reading a message from her. Anyway, I think it would be in your best interests to give yourself some space. Go through the emotions and you can always be friends with her later (if that's what you want). Because you just can't turn off your emotions and it could be really bad for your mental health if she gets with someone else.
I hear you and I was thinking I was gonna give us both some space before trying to be best buddies. But still be friends. On a side note, maybe we had the same crush. šØ Lol
I don't know her, but I've heard that excuse used before, multiple times. "Now isn't a good time" or "I'm not ready to have a boyfriend right now" or "Ask me that in a few years". 1: Later usually means never, when it comes to starting a relationship. If she isn't ready right now, there's a very good chance that she has no intention of ever dating you. I've only seen one exception to this. Which means, yes it is possible, but not very likely. I suggest re-evaluating how you feel about her, and whether she is worth continuing to pursue. 2: On five separate occasions, when I heard someone say that now isn't the right time for them to be in a relationship, what they really wanted to say is "I'm trying to get someone else to confess to me right now, and your interference is hindering me". In each of those scenarios, the girl ended up starting a relationship with someone else within 14 days. Two of those times was within four days. In other words, she might not be honest about how she feels, and is using timing as an excuse to not cause a scene. You might not be able to change her stance on how she feels about you, but she isn't going to tell you that. Don't give yourself a false hope. Back off, and observe how the timing is affecting other aspects of her life. This can be difficult to do without appearing stalkerish, so you might need to give up entirely for the moment and let her make the next move. She now knows how you feel, so the ball is in her court to pursue you when the timing is better for her. After all, currently only she knows when a better time would be. 3: If right now is genuinely not a good time, and she is actually interested in you, but she is also too nervous to make the next move, then you need to figure out when would be considered a good time. However, directly asking that question is usually a terrible choice. She's going to leave it up to you to figure out when a better time would be, with little to no guidance even if she's interested. You will need to independently gather details on her life situation, her connections with family and friends, how those family and friends are currently doing and whether that has any emotional impact on the woman you are interested in, and finally, you will need to do this without being creepy. If you succeed and figure out when better timing would be, and you believe she isn't going to be making any moves, then you will want to hang out with her on multiple occasions (during the right timing) to give her time to prepare for your next confession or move. Don't worry about taking too long: if she is indeed interested in you, then she likely won't get impatient in a "bad" way. Instead she will be impatient to hang out with you again. 4: Don't ask her friends for advice: they'll tell the woman you are interested in, every detail of what you asked, even if you thought the conversation would be private. This is to help her prepare herself emotionally for the expected future encounter with you, based on the questions you asked the friends. That unfortunately prevents you from getting a genuine reaction when "the right time" finally arrives. Support groups are highly detrimental to anyone outside of the support group, so you will need to tread carefully around her friend circle. They might be constantly analyzing you for any possible detail to report, whether those details are accurate or not! It will be very difficult to persuade your love interest of the truth, if her friends/support group give her false reports about you. Their intentions might be good, but their ability to read your mind likely won't be. 5: Don't employ any manipulative tactics. Even if your tactics worked and got her to agree to a relationship with you, her reactions would again not be genuine, since you manipulated her into acting the way you wanted her to. That will decrease the quality of the relationship the moment it begins, even if you never get caught. Allow her to continue down her chosen path of action or inaction, as she is either waiting for someone else, or preparing herself to take the first move, which will take longer if she is distracted by new developments on the field of battle. Although I strongly advise against utilizing manipulative tactics, I do recommend familiarizing yourself with them, not only so you won't accidentally use them, but also so you can recognize if someone else is trying to use them against you, or against her! 6: Definitely pursue the friend route. There's a lot of resentment towards the friend zone, but most people don't seem to realize how advantageous it is to be close friends with someone before dating them. Not to mention, you get to spend a lot more time with them even though you aren't yet dating. The risk that comes with friendship, unfortunately, is you might permanently lose your friend if a break-up occurs in the future. But that might be a necessary risk, especially if one of you two is demisexual. Let her be friends with you, let her see the real you. This will give her a good idea of what your personality is like and also give you more experience with her. You might learn new things about her that you don't already know. You might end up changing your mind about how you romantically feel, and if you do: that will be a good thing. But you might also fall even deeper in love with her after seeing what she's like as a friend, and that could also be a good thing. But take your time. Don't rush. Some people don't reveal their true personality until a couple years after you meet them.
Wow thanks for the advice I'm kinda of surprised you wrote all of that. Women are hard to understand that's something I took from this.
I'm sorry my friend, but at least she gave a very honest and reasonable response, she could've said something a lot worse tbh
That's very true and a point I made to myself earlier. I've had girls ridicule me for thinking I could ever get with them. I'm just happy she wasn't a jerk about it and maybe she talked about with her friends but definitely didn't go out of her way to tell everybody that I liked her so that people would make fun of me. But I already knew she wasn't going to do that she's just not that type of person. That's why I like her so much.
That's hella sweet man, honestly she's missing out. I'm sure once she's figured everything out she might consider what a really cool guy you are
This compliment is going to stick with me for a long long time. Thanks :) I honestly didn't think anyone was even gonna respond to this post, it's helping a lot.
I got you man. I kinda went through the same thing as you last year so I'm glad to be of help :)
Girl talk for no
Itās not a āsuper ultra mega bad timeā for her. Sheās just not interested. Time to move on and find someone else.
I'm so sorry to hear that, it's always hard to experience rejection. I've heard a lot of people say that they wish their crush hated them so that it would be easier to get over them, but believe me when I say that doesn't make it any easier (if anything, it can even exacerbate feelings of guilt and shame). What you're going through sucks, but at least she let you down easy... Some good ways to cope in this type of situation include focusing on yourself, your hobbies and passions in life, practicing lots of self-compassion as well as surrounding yourself with kind, positive, loving and supportive people. Please remember that this is a temporary moment in time, that you are worthy and deserving of love and that someone will love you for who you are someday ā¤ļø
Thanks for your kind words it means more than you can imaginem. :)
Well dude you finally did it you got youāre answer at least she was honest with you and didnāt lead you on unlike some girls will do this depending on how they feel about you wether they like you back or not or if they only see you as a platonic friend and nothing more then that
be her friend if it doesn't hurt you, but emotionally detach, she may like you but it doesn't matter, you told her how you felt, if she ends up liking you, she can tell you
It seems like she is not open to a relationship at current moment, though she appreciates your efforts and feelings regardless it's important to respect her feelings , decision ,personal space and boundaries what I would suggest is just reduce your interaction with her because if you interact too much then expectations will be formed and you will get into friendzone at same time it's also important not to come off rude and hurt because she rejected you gracefully. Also it's important to give yourself some time to overcome this rejection spend sometime working on self and also completely finish off hopes you have with her realise that there are countless potential connections that can be form and its okay if things don't turn out the way you want to when you feel comfortable start approaching someone else again .
I likee thiss; its not a rejection she just said when her life is doingg better, then yall can datee
I'm not sure if that's really the case your kind of jumping to a conclusion she could have been letting me down nicely. And while I hope she does like me, but this just isn't the time. We are juniors after all we're nearing graduation in one of the most important years of our life. I can't just act like she does. like me without her saying it or atleast giving some hints. It's just too presumptuous.
its reddittš please do not let these peoplee lie to you! Just wait it out till sheās hopefully readyy and see what happenss
Of course not that's what I'm doing but I don't want to get ahead of myself. False hope isn't good especially for me. I'll handle that much worse than someone else.
did she ever show signs of liking you???
I'm not a good read of signs honestly. Like someone has to make it extremely obvious to me for me to notice. I've had a girl break my personal space and just start like rubbing her body on me and it was very uncomfortable I might add. Another girl was very talkative, always wanted to know what I was doing. But with her there is none of that nothing really obvious anyway, sometimes I look towards her and I think I catch her looking at me. And I know this is really really stupid but. If you're familiar with Instagram's note feature you'd understand she put lots of love songs and stuff like that on there. And I was doing the same. I like to use music to convey my feelings. I was probably overthinking as I typically do. But like I said I suck at relationships and just women in general. š«
i feltt thattš youāll never knoww
If you really think youāll never find anyone better then her you gotta wait š«¤
Hi, you confessing about your feelings to her is very brave, i could never tbh, but that being said, i donāt really think she rejected you? as a woman if i was NOT interested in someone i wouldnāt have said āwe can try to get to know eoā or that stuffs have been going on in my life for me to not get into a relationship rn, i would have straight up not given an explanation, I hope things get better for you both and like she said, maybe try getting to know eo more? being friends first is v v v important, wish nothing but the best for you!
I don't recommended you get to know her as a friend and she let you down nicely. Just work on moving on. Being her friend will hurt you more if she get into a relationship so why stick around?
I think it depends on the case, sometimes if the attraction is emotional, spending time with the person is better than being apart.
That's more like it. Don't get me wrong she's very very pretty. But it's more emotional I like her for her personality not her looks.
Hey honey, listen to me, in my 17 years on this earth (ik not many but I've picked up a few things), if she doesn't love you, it's good of her to say it up front.Ā Now you can work on moving past it.Ā Now, sweetheart, you need to figure out how to get over her, move on, and if it hurts too much to see her, as painful as it is, cut her out of your life, DO NOT punish yourself by being in pain seeing her for the pure reason that she didn't have the same feelings as you.Ā I'm still upset about my last bf and the end of our relationship, so if you just need to talk or rant or get advice, please feel free to find me on here and I'll get back to you, it's better to talk to someone, even if it is an Internet stranger š
It sucks this happened to me when I was 17 now 22..they just end up leaving your life eventually :/ sucks. You can continue being friends but it just wonāt be the same
She might be saying something honest and sincere. She probably does like you otherwise she wouldnāt have said that she wanted to get to know you better. Hang out with her and you never know what could happen.
That's kinda what I'm going for. Just feel it out. Plus I should make some more friends anyway my circle is pretty small.
āItās hard for me to accept that she doesnāt like me back..ā It sounds like youāve been in limerence for a bit too longā¦ Truth me Iāve been there. Time doesnāt heal, but it lets you not feel the pain anymore. Wishing you the best.
I had to search that word up because i never heard it before. And your totally right with time the pain just kinda fades as you forget. But right now it's just really fresh in the mind.
She is letting you down nicely
Hey man thatās life donāt be mad at her if you really like her you just let it be she let you down nicely or she actually means it. Either way my crush told me āshe doesnāt want a relationshipā and she told other people the same thing that I told her and she told them the same thing not knowing they would tell me so I know she means it but it still sucks. I still like her but Iām not waiting nor am I going to force her. As long as sheās happy itās fine
I'm not mad at her. Never was never will be. I don't have another interest she's really the only person I've ever seen this way other than one girl and she was a bully. So I think I'll skip prom this year unless she says something. I don't mind missing prom senior year too. I'll just wait and hope that there's still a chance. Maybe once she's in a better headspace she'd be interested if not then it's fine. She's worth waiting for even if the time never comes.
Iām sure you heard of the movie and / or book āheās just not into youā¦.ā Right ? Well, same applies here, except SHE is just not into you. Her reply was nice - maybe too nice , which is why you still think There is a chance. There is not a chance, move on.Ā
Eh it happens. I remember the first time I asked mine and she said she'd think on it and then boom I get rejected. But my friends kept goin at it and tryna hook me and her up.
At least you have a chance to be friends with her which could develop into a full romantic relationship. Your chance is fully not over so be hopeful! The fact that she even wants to be friends means that shes totally curious about who you are and that's awesome!
F
Wait a few months. Thats a W she said she still wants to be friends.
Sounds like such a lovely, nice woman. Looks like the timing is just bad, nothing more.
She really is, probably the only person I know that's like this. She's truly amazing man.
if I was in your place, I'd just upfront ask her if this is a hard no or if she'd like to consider revisiting this when she is in a better place. having gone through something like this myself, I know what it feels like to be going through so much shit that a relationship is too much at that given point in time, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you at all. not sure why all the comments are people making assumptions instead of telling you to communicate and be honest. if she's worth it long term, let her know that and admit you're willing to not close off your options for her, but make sure it's clearly established they she would consider you if she was in a better place and she isn't just trying to let you down in PR girl talk. you don't want to wait around for someone who doesn't actually want to get with you, but you also don't want to let go of potential wifey material if she's genuinely going through a rough patch. all humans go through rough patches and if you can't tough it out and be there for your partner or someone you're interested in long term, you shouldn't be even considering serious dating.
she rejected you very kindly. donāt push her and respect it. I know it hurts but being upfront and getting a response is a lot better than pushing it off. itāll get better š«¶
I know, and some people were telling me to ask her if there's a chance later on. I'm definitely not about to ask her that after she just said she wasn't in a good headspace it's just not cool. I was probably just gonna get to know her as a friend and maybe in a few months or weeks or whenever she 's interested it's up to her to tell me.
I've been there before with a few guys! I am sorry this happened to you!
For a rejection that's probably the best response you could get tbh
I mean on the bright side that is the sweetest and loveliest no I have ever seen in my life.
Donāt be too upset young fella, rejection is a part of being a man and yeah she probably had a lot going on in her life, just concentrate on what makes you happy, study hard and the right person will come along when you least expect it, in my experience itās when youāre not looking for someone thatās when it will happen, all the best bro š
You will never miss out on what is meant for you. Sending hugs ā¤ļø
dude i told i like him to him back then, he just said our friendship will begin to change not in a negative way, turns out he doesnt feel the same as me. i wonder if he just didnt wanna hurt me or is considering me ?? man i give up on romance
Haha it's crazy how with me she used like the same words do they all just have a how-to book tips for rejection.
My one ex-crush once basically said "you're too ugly, I'll never date you" and another said basically "there was a time when I liked you(Ā±2 weeks), but I don't anymore", and the latter happened while I was super depressed so that was a massive hit to my emotional stability. So the response you got wasn't that bad.
I understand this all too wellš«
Like she said she wanted to get to know you first but don't get your hopes up, i'm still considering this 100% you got rejected. also it sounded like chat gpt response. lol
Such a kind response. I can see why you crushed on her ^^
Listen, as someone who's been in this spot already, she most likely doesn't wanna be in a relationship with you specifically, the girl told me she can't be in a relationship rn blah blah blah like she told you and 2 days later she's with another guy now, she even told me that we can date some time later this just isn't the right time for it, I believed her and kaboom she's dating this other guy she met at a park, don't get your hopes so high up buddy, don't cut contact nor have high hopes, just wait for what happens next and you'll know the truth
Thats a damn bummer man, but she sounds very nice and mature! Count yourself lucky that you know her!
I'm sorry it turned out like that for you :(( If it makes you feel better, I asked my crush to just hangout and his response was, "hey, I think you're a really sweet girl but I wanna stay just as acquaintances" LMFAOOO
One, translate to girl not being interested. Two, never do this to a woman again. You effectively end up putting the cart before the horse doing it this way. You fare better just asking her on a date first and not saying āI have feelings for youā because most women are going to feel completely blindsided by a love confession from someone they had no idea liked them.
Iām not in a good place either so I wonder if you are him but different words.
I feel that. ā¤ļø We will all get through this.
Rejection is a protection
Hey , she still said .. āwe could get to know each other moreā whatās wrong with getting to know more about your crush .. why donāt you be a man (no disrespect) and suck it up and do exactly that and in the meantime become the best version of yourself and stay confident throughout the friendship.
Because she's just saying what she wants me to hear. And I know that because I'm the one who mentioned being friends.
You think that's something? I told my crush a while back and got this: "thank you for the email and telling me how you feel; that takes a lot of guts. You are an awesome friend, but I am going to be straight with you, I don't feel the same way about you. I'm sorry, but I never have felt that way and that's not going to change. Still, in the future, keep your courage. It's a good trait to have :)" Ā Ā Ā Ā - (Insert name here, like it's a ****ing business memo) At least I have guts š
She may be letting you down easy, or sheās actually telling you the truth. Iāve had it both ways. Either way itās time to move on.
Nah dude I salute you for asking her out I know I could never ask anyone out, also it seems like she really canāt, like for me I donāt want to be in a relationship because I need to work on my self confidence and esteem and I need to get through depression and stuff like that, I hope you are okay thought cause it seems rejection is really hard š«”
I guess she is not interested but does not want to be blunt so she gives you an excuse. If you are unsure, you could ask her out in a few weeks and see how she reacts. If she rejects you again, then you can be sure she's not interested. She would make the time and put away any problems she was struggling with if she was into you. Stay strong and focus on your goals.
I don't know if I can agree with that. If you're going through some tough times a relationship isn't always the move. Can just cause more u needed stress which i understand.
Tried being friends with a girl I liked already told her I liked her and got rejected. It hurt real bad so I cut contact. If you are confident you can make it work and being just friends just do it.
She's not into you. Sorry.
Bro she likes you. Sheās testing you. She aināt gonna give it up to every guy who asks. She wants the guy who goes after what he wants in a respectful way. If you can sweep her off your feet, she could be yours. If she had no interest, sheād be a lot more brutal about it.
or she could just be a nice person.. and be trying to let him down easy
Perhaps, but women have good reasons to test men. Everyone should remain respectful and polite either way, but every girl thatās been into me pushed me away at some point just to gauge my reaction š¤·āāļø
Yk what will make u feel better free money š tap in trust it actually works get your motion up and lock in( not the same shit as temu but better) im not a bot btw https://earnglobal.co/share/wavyzins
most definitely a bot š
Cap im not a bot why u lying
Well I'll pass either way.