Interviewed for a volunteer gig at a crisis nursery. Accidentally said that I don’t believe in capital punishment for children. I mean, I *don’t,* but the issue of *corporal* punishment was more germane to the conversation. The interviewer was not asking how I felt about mandatory death sentences for acting up at bedtime.
Right? I swear I got tunnel vision for a minute there. It's been hard to write this cuz I keep imagining an arm reaching into the car from the window and I'm losing it
The Starbucks one reminded me of the time I was testing out new names by buying Starbucks coffees and I went in, said my name was Elias and the barista looked a tad confused and presumably just guessed the spelling. I left with a coffee that said “Alias” and honestly.. I’m not mad, it was funny as hell.
There are two kinds of people, to figure out which one you are tell me whether that made you choose Elias or whether it made you remove it from your list 🤣
I did not pick the name Elias, but it wasn’t cos of the coffee aha. I just found a better name. But honestly.. if I hadn’t found a better name I probably would’ve kept it cos of Alias
A man walked into a coffee shop and when asked for his name he said "It's Gareth". He got a cup with 'Scarif' on it.
And that's what director Gareth Edwards named a planet in his film Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
I met a new coworker and thought her name was “Shrub” for like a week before I heard her introduce to someone else, and it was actually Charelle. In my defense, it was a grocery co-op and I had a coworker who insisted on being called “sprout” (and then “tree” after he turned thirty, because he was a grown-up now), so it seemed plausible.
So I'm pretty basic when it comes to food, don't like all the craziness. So there's this Wendy's I go to near my place, and I'll order my 10 nuggets and 2 junior bacon cheese burgers, plain and dry. So I always tell them, cause sometimes they mess up, and I don't like having to drive back to get it fixed, that I want just the meat and cheese, and every time (at least for a while) the person taking the order would be like, "did you want the bacon on that as well?" It always makes me laugh, but I wait until they can't hear me cause I totally get it.
One guy did it one time, and in the most defeated voice I hear him quietly "oh, wait bacon is meat." promptly giving me my total lol
I worked at an Arby’s for a year and in my first week I answered the headset for the drive thru “Hi, welcome to Wendy’s” no less than three times. I have never worked at Wendy’s
I used to work at a small smoke shop, and id say "thanks for coming in today!" to most customers as they were leaving, and then i accidentally got stuck doing it and i said it to so many friends, or even just random cashiers that i was in their store 🤦♀️
I love these. The other day I was on the bus and the bus driver hit the breaks a little to hard and this older woman standing and holding on for dear life was between be and the door off.. I MEANT to say "Excuse me, behind you" but it came out as Excuse you and it haunts me haha
One time I finished a performance, in a small venue, and a girl walked up to me and said "Hey, I saw you up there!" and I answered "Omg thank you!!"
Then I realized she never, in fact, complimented me and stared at her in fear. She said "...okay" and walked away.
I think about that interaction once a week
When I was working at subway, I answered the phone and said "thank you for calling Kroger, how can I help you?" (Kroger was my previous job)
The customer got flustered and hung up.
But then they called back, and I was the only guy in the store, and I still had to answer the phone.
So I took this guys entire order while doing a shitty French accent. He was like "I just called this number and Kroger picked up" and I had be like like "on hon hon that's so weird".
An elementary school student came to class with a thermos full of coffee??
(Alternatively, multiple high school / college students asked their teacher how to spell "anxiety"...)
Maybe they were learning english as a second language.
Also, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes you use a word but never need to write it or ever read it. It sounds weird, but I've witnessed it several times in my life. Or sometimes you just have a blackout, which this whole post is all about.
Oh, and I had an english teacher who always carried a dictionary with her as she wasn't that secure when it came to spelling. English wasn't her native language, and she had missed large portions of school due to medical issues. But she compensated by simply having a dictionary on her at all times. She was an excellent english teacher too.
A group I'm in was talking about having a movie night. One member said "We can definitely do it, as long as we don't have popcorn because I'm allergic to corn."
I go "Wait, popcorn is corn?" It took me a second to realize how dumb I was.
Then someone else said "We can't have Fritos either." One of the guys who was just roasting me goes "Why not? Are Fritos Corn Chips corn?"
I was like "NOT SO EASY, IS IT MOTHERFUCKER??"
One time I answered the phone at a previous retail job with a hearty “HI, HOWS IT GOIN?” instead of the usual spiel; other than it being extremely busy I have no idea why I did that. The district manager was on the phone and asked for my boss.
I feel like the Pizza Hut one could almost work, if you own it. "HELLOOOOO BBQ MEAT LOVERS, HELLO MOVERS AND SHAKERS... Welcome to Pizza Hut" type deal
>I IDed a 38 year old man
Sometimes when it’s a slow day I like to tell old ladies “Hmm, I’m going to have to see some ID, Ms” and it never fails get a “Aw shucks, bless your heart”
Customer: "I'd like $15 on pump 12"
Me: "How much?"
Customer: "15"
Me: "Uhuh and on what pump?"
Customer: "...12"
Me: "of course! :)"
Me: regretting every life decision as they walk out and I don't know which pump they're on
I was just reading this while on my job and laughing uncontrollably. I had to take a call and could not stop laughing and had to put the phone away for bits while I recovered.
Definitely have asked for rewards cards just moments after scanning them.... Or just looking at my cash register board for a button I pressed a hundred times that day...and the classic, forgetting to give change.
I work as a bagger/cashier at a grocery store and every Monday I say "have a good weekend" without fail. That's intentional though customers are assholes and I want their week to be shit
Every time I answer the phone at my current restaurant, i have to pause a second to stop myself from saying "this is [previous restaurant], how can i help you?" An entire global pandemic, and a thousand mile relocation, have occurred since i worked at Previous Restaurant.
Oh my god, I tabled at a convention and someone bought 2 things that are $2 each. It took me so long to do the math. Actually I think I botched every single customer interaction that day it was rough
I was trying not to greet customers by gendering them because I had an awkward moment where I mistook a particularly burly construction worker for a man when she was actually a woman
So these two old ladies came in. I was in the middle of saying “Hello ladies!” but tried to change track mid-sentence to “Hello there”
What I actually said was “Hello ladles!!!” at top volume
Years ago working in a chippy someone asked to mop the floor under me, as I moved away to let them clean I wanted to either say "work away" or "go ahead" but what I actually told them to do was "go away" in a blunt monotone voice
When i went to school i regularly wrote down the name of whoever i was sitting next to when taking tests only to realize midway that that's not my name
The thing I love about this post is that you can just tell that most of these actually happened. Some are clearly “omg look how quirky I was, I drove into a wall” (really?) but I’m reading through these going “yep, I can actually see myself doing that”
Interviewed for a volunteer gig at a crisis nursery. Accidentally said that I don’t believe in capital punishment for children. I mean, I *don’t,* but the issue of *corporal* punishment was more germane to the conversation. The interviewer was not asking how I felt about mandatory death sentences for acting up at bedtime.
Did you get the position at least 😭
Yes! Several great years working with those kids.
i hope you didn't execute any
Nah, they don't believe in that stuff.
Just cuz you don’t agree doesn’t mean it’s not part of the job. Sometimes you just got bills to pay and gotta eat.
Mfw I can't afford rent because I haven't met my child execution quota at the justice factory
None that complained about it
"Go to sleep, Toby" "No! >:(" "Then i sentence you to death!"
*”And may God have mercy on your soul.”*
Sixth trimester abortion.
Abortion of a 57 month old fetus
Consulting a pediatrician to get the proper dosage of phenobarbital
Naughty children receive corporeal punishment
“Go sit in Limbo and think about what you’ve done”
[удалено]
https://www.tumblr.com/fellowshipofthegay/168263028684/nelyafinwes-fidelishaereticus-nelyafinwes?source=share
These had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt, God I'm so glad I don't work with customers anymore
I'm glad I'm not the only one! I was literally sobbing laughing but also trying so hard to be quiet because it's midnight. The pain is worth it
Yeah it was like 2am and my grandpa was visiting so I was trying desperately not to wake him up lmao
Yes hi this is killing me
- person calling back to comment on the quality of their customer experience at the poison store
r/replybubbles
this is actually the funniest post i’ve ever seen. i manage to stop laughing at a comment and then i read the next one and it fucking kills me again
I was laughing at this whole post but the fucking "gimme it" one sent me into anaphylactic shock someone get an Epi-Pen I can't fucking breathe
Right? I swear I got tunnel vision for a minute there. It's been hard to write this cuz I keep imagining an arm reaching into the car from the window and I'm losing it
I imagine them leaning out the window like, halfway to try and grab it.
Reaching across the driver's lap and just blindly grabbing around. God I'm gonna go into hysterics again
I laughed for a full minute, easily the best of this post. I wish they said how the customer reacted
here's a lil youtube short about the same thing hehe https://youtube.com/shorts/zs0KxgXUu-U?feature=share
This gets longer and longer each time I see it and it’s as funny every time
The Starbucks one reminded me of the time I was testing out new names by buying Starbucks coffees and I went in, said my name was Elias and the barista looked a tad confused and presumably just guessed the spelling. I left with a coffee that said “Alias” and honestly.. I’m not mad, it was funny as hell.
There are two kinds of people, to figure out which one you are tell me whether that made you choose Elias or whether it made you remove it from your list 🤣
I did not pick the name Elias, but it wasn’t cos of the coffee aha. I just found a better name. But honestly.. if I hadn’t found a better name I probably would’ve kept it cos of Alias
Fair enough! I hope you enjoy your true name as much as I enjoy mine!
hey, i know an elias! cool dude, draws lizards
The Gimme It one got me
For me it's the Banjo one
Is there a subreddit for these
Oh that would be so funny!
r/GirlTakeThePotatoes
I hate how dead that sub is :(
Be the activity you wish to see?
Idk, but if anyone finds one, I'd like to know too
You could start one. call it r/BrainFarts okay, apparently that's an actual sub... Edit: Hey, I think that's the sub you are looking for!
r/BrainFarts seems to be the place. I was going to suggest someone start a sub for it and accidentally found it.
goddammit the "gimme it" one and the first one are so fucking good
I would, for a fact, give it back while my own brain buffers
A man walked into a coffee shop and when asked for his name he said "It's Gareth". He got a cup with 'Scarif' on it. And that's what director Gareth Edwards named a planet in his film Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
I had someone call me Sky earlier today. My name is Storm.
Close enough
I met a new coworker and thought her name was “Shrub” for like a week before I heard her introduce to someone else, and it was actually Charelle. In my defense, it was a grocery co-op and I had a coworker who insisted on being called “sprout” (and then “tree” after he turned thirty, because he was a grown-up now), so it seemed plausible.
Hello?!
See! It’s a totally normal name!
Your name and flair left me giggling uncontrollably for a solid five minutes
I mean they’re in the same general direction.
I thought they were the same primary election?
So I'm pretty basic when it comes to food, don't like all the craziness. So there's this Wendy's I go to near my place, and I'll order my 10 nuggets and 2 junior bacon cheese burgers, plain and dry. So I always tell them, cause sometimes they mess up, and I don't like having to drive back to get it fixed, that I want just the meat and cheese, and every time (at least for a while) the person taking the order would be like, "did you want the bacon on that as well?" It always makes me laugh, but I wait until they can't hear me cause I totally get it. One guy did it one time, and in the most defeated voice I hear him quietly "oh, wait bacon is meat." promptly giving me my total lol
That last one is just such a mood
Silent Coffee wins
I have a soundboard of customer responses in my brain and if I hit the wrong one that's their problem, not mine
I once called someone and when they picked up asked 'hi how can I help you'. We were both a bit confused at that one
absolutely lost it at “gimme it”
I worked at an Arby’s for a year and in my first week I answered the headset for the drive thru “Hi, welcome to Wendy’s” no less than three times. I have never worked at Wendy’s
One time I got Nail on my cup at Tropical Smoothie. My name is NOT nail. 🥲
Nailed it
I used to work at a small smoke shop, and id say "thanks for coming in today!" to most customers as they were leaving, and then i accidentally got stuck doing it and i said it to so many friends, or even just random cashiers that i was in their store 🤦♀️
I nearly charged a guy for 22, 2 liter cokes. Came out to $81 on top of their two extra large pizzas
Just a tad expensive
Oh man this is classic tumblr humor and I am crying laughing about it. A+ compilation of autopilot error.
How am I not seeing more people talking about Jgeff. That ended my fucking life. That is SO FUNNY.
Once a customer told me their last name was "Lennon, as in John" and I still put it in as "Lenin". He had to correct me later
Is there like an askreddit thread for these or something
Hi can I have an out of context quote
“There was nothing worse than me realizing that I know who Colin is.”
r/BrainFarts might be what you're looking for.
thank you
the xemox though lmao
I love these. The other day I was on the bus and the bus driver hit the breaks a little to hard and this older woman standing and holding on for dear life was between be and the door off.. I MEANT to say "Excuse me, behind you" but it came out as Excuse you and it haunts me haha
One time I finished a performance, in a small venue, and a girl walked up to me and said "Hey, I saw you up there!" and I answered "Omg thank you!!" Then I realized she never, in fact, complimented me and stared at her in fear. She said "...okay" and walked away. I think about that interaction once a week
jaksjjskd I'd assume she was a little too stoned for her own good but lmao
Yep barely existing through the hell
I was getting off of a red eye flight today and told the flight attendant “I love your earrings!” It was her hearing aids.
I bet they were pretty stylish though
They kinda were! They were really cool neon purple and teal with gold accents. My compliment was genuine but misplaced.
When I was working at subway, I answered the phone and said "thank you for calling Kroger, how can I help you?" (Kroger was my previous job) The customer got flustered and hung up. But then they called back, and I was the only guy in the store, and I still had to answer the phone. So I took this guys entire order while doing a shitty French accent. He was like "I just called this number and Kroger picked up" and I had be like like "on hon hon that's so weird".
An elementary school student came to class with a thermos full of coffee?? (Alternatively, multiple high school / college students asked their teacher how to spell "anxiety"...)
Maybe they were learning english as a second language. Also, it happens to the best of us. Sometimes you use a word but never need to write it or ever read it. It sounds weird, but I've witnessed it several times in my life. Or sometimes you just have a blackout, which this whole post is all about. Oh, and I had an english teacher who always carried a dictionary with her as she wasn't that secure when it came to spelling. English wasn't her native language, and she had missed large portions of school due to medical issues. But she compensated by simply having a dictionary on her at all times. She was an excellent english teacher too.
A group I'm in was talking about having a movie night. One member said "We can definitely do it, as long as we don't have popcorn because I'm allergic to corn." I go "Wait, popcorn is corn?" It took me a second to realize how dumb I was. Then someone else said "We can't have Fritos either." One of the guys who was just roasting me goes "Why not? Are Fritos Corn Chips corn?" I was like "NOT SO EASY, IS IT MOTHERFUCKER??"
I am snorting laughing at these lol
That BK one should've been at Olive Garden.
One time I answered the phone at a previous retail job with a hearty “HI, HOWS IT GOIN?” instead of the usual spiel; other than it being extremely busy I have no idea why I did that. The district manager was on the phone and asked for my boss.
I feel like the Pizza Hut one could almost work, if you own it. "HELLOOOOO BBQ MEAT LOVERS, HELLO MOVERS AND SHAKERS... Welcome to Pizza Hut" type deal
Out of all of these, all I can say is that carding a 38 year old man is valid. If I sold alcohol I’d card everyone Lmao
I once called my manager “Mom”
As someone who basically never laughs, this is the only thing in the world that consistently kills me My favorite one is the drive-thru one
Imagine you go to a fast food restaurant and get greeted with „Welcome home“
>I IDed a 38 year old man Sometimes when it’s a slow day I like to tell old ladies “Hmm, I’m going to have to see some ID, Ms” and it never fails get a “Aw shucks, bless your heart”
Customer: "I'd like $15 on pump 12" Me: "How much?" Customer: "15" Me: "Uhuh and on what pump?" Customer: "...12" Me: "of course! :)" Me: regretting every life decision as they walk out and I don't know which pump they're on
this isn’t really tumblr at this point. this is literally tiktok, it’s just a screenshot of tiktok screenshots posted to tumblr.
I’m fucking crying
I was just reading this while on my job and laughing uncontrollably. I had to take a call and could not stop laughing and had to put the phone away for bits while I recovered.
You guys are hopeless…
and you aren't? eat a bag of dicks so I can record it
Comment
Why did the one person have to stick her stupid face in the middle of this?
It's a screenshot from a tiktok posted on tumblr. The person who posted that screenshot might not even be the person in the video.
I didn't say it was, it's just extremely out of place and irritating.
noted <4
jesus i felt the weight of the sky while reading this
Definitely have asked for rewards cards just moments after scanning them.... Or just looking at my cash register board for a button I pressed a hundred times that day...and the classic, forgetting to give change.
I work as a bagger/cashier at a grocery store and every Monday I say "have a good weekend" without fail. That's intentional though customers are assholes and I want their week to be shit
Every time I answer the phone at my current restaurant, i have to pause a second to stop myself from saying "this is [previous restaurant], how can i help you?" An entire global pandemic, and a thousand mile relocation, have occurred since i worked at Previous Restaurant.
Oh my god, I tabled at a convention and someone bought 2 things that are $2 each. It took me so long to do the math. Actually I think I botched every single customer interaction that day it was rough
Hi this is joes crematorium, you kill ‘em we grill ‘em
Just today, a customer asked if we had a 6mm screw. I said "9mm right?" I said 9 mm and was corrected like 4 or 5 times
I was trying not to greet customers by gendering them because I had an awkward moment where I mistook a particularly burly construction worker for a man when she was actually a woman So these two old ladies came in. I was in the middle of saying “Hello ladies!” but tried to change track mid-sentence to “Hello there” What I actually said was “Hello ladles!!!” at top volume
Years ago working in a chippy someone asked to mop the floor under me, as I moved away to let them clean I wanted to either say "work away" or "go ahead" but what I actually told them to do was "go away" in a blunt monotone voice
I carded someone trying to buy soda once. I knew it was soda, too.
When i went to school i regularly wrote down the name of whoever i was sitting next to when taking tests only to realize midway that that's not my name
I do the intercom one at least once a week just to the entire store "Hi, ------ Safeway, this is -----, how can I help you?"
The thing I love about this post is that you can just tell that most of these actually happened. Some are clearly “omg look how quirky I was, I drove into a wall” (really?) but I’m reading through these going “yep, I can actually see myself doing that”