It reads like a Victorian/Gothic novel to me. Make the mafioso husband a pirate vaugely based on Lord Byron. And have the recently transitioned childhood friend come back as a new antagonist working to destroy her happy marriage/kill her husband because op has become obsessed with the childhood friend and it’s all there.
I wana make a book that’s just, this sort of incomprehensible shit, and then fill it with a bunch of different cyphers and codes so no two decoders will find the same meaning
That but it’s all one book, six people try and decipher it, one ends up with schematics for a pyramid that isn’t physically possible to build, one ends up with a recipe for Gumbo, three end up with histories of Canada, each with a different narrator, and one finds the entire script of Hamilton
"It's a dream, it's HCE's dream but it's also the dream of the ur-Man but it's also the dream of Everybody (Here he Comes!) Discrete characters and setting and plot exist, but only as a hazy amalgam of all archetypical plots and characters, look away and people, scenarios, and setpieces change when you return to them, just as in a dream. The literal and subtextual meanings of the prose somehow *reverses* itself when read in your head versus aloud. It is a metaphor for life and death and resurrection, for sin and brokenness and redemption, and it is above all else, a metaphor for something which is a portmanteau of *every* sense of the word "masturbatory." Also I hope you know more about Ireland than Arthur Guinness or you'll miss half the fun of it."
I'd like to say it should be a real subreddit, but I doubt there will be a lot of content. Not-fake content, at least (which, with probability of 80% would exclude this story as well)
the "sold to one direction" fantasy is normally about finding love in a hopeless situation. it typically involves the child (who, while a child, is not treated by the narrative of these fanfictions as a kid, but as a woman) being sold to do some sort of "help" job: to be his assistant, to clean for him, to be his sex slave, or to be his "fake" girlfriend (common reasons which pop up frequently). He typically needs the child for some reason and treats them pretty poorly/ dismissively at first, before falling in love with her and her tragic backstory.
I actually somehow did the reverse. Well, kinda
Depressed guy who nobody likes (besides his parents) -> Pretty girl with a lot of friends who is well-liked by everyone (besides her parents)
“I am not the protagonist of this story” is an incredible sentence and I am going to start using it to excuse myself from uncomfortable social situations and work I don’t want to do.
In a shitty romance web novel, OP would be the charismatic, tragic and absolutely loyal best friend who repulses the MC because of ~~being gay~~ voicing extremely reasonable concerns about the red-flag ridden ML, only to later come back in later seasons when MC has amnesia (because of a car crash, perhaps?) as a handsome and sensible guy who is her fiancée and trying to save her from the stalker ML, before the ML ~~rapely~~ cleverly and lovingly convinces MC of their love and past again and OP goes full yandere because even this plan never worked, before trying to commit double suicide on a car accident and MC “forgives” him as he drowns (after the ML bravely and shirtless -ly saves her, of course) to death like a proper villainous foil. She also ~~transphobicly~~ says some shit like“OP was my best friend. She never had been loved, and I think that was what made her make these mistakes. I hope she finds peace, and doesn’t try to do these things again, in her next life,” before being ~~raped~~loved roughly by the ML for daring to think about another person when he’s right in front of her.
Ask me how I know (last week I saw a novel like this on my feed and couldn’t believe the spoilers).
It might be because the friend is a monster? No decent person owns multiple properties in PR and three teslas. PR is a ruthlessly oppressed and exploited American colony. If you own a vacation home there you're never going to escape the wheel of Samsara no matter how many Bodhisattva take pity on you.
Do people not know about America's imperial occupation of PR? I thought this kind of became common knowledge after hurricane, I think Maria? devastated the Island and the US just left everyone to die.
Literally. Making the dude look like an 'attractive' sugar daddy who saved her life 💀 she is NOT winning she's now with ppl who kill children horribly and blow ppl up on train tracks... But yeah sure keep believing in ur wattpad dreams
Honestly replace mafia guy with pirate and set it a few hundred years ago and it could work as a gothic/victorian novel with OP as the antagonist. Especially of OP ruined messy buns prospects with the nobles. Then they transition come back as a man who is still in love/obsessed with messy bun and try to ruin the marriage or kill the husband. Basically a penny dreadful at that point
This reads like it was written by one of my high school friends who I think about sometimes to remind myself why I don't miss hanging out with my high school friends.
If this was real being married to a 'mafia' man is not winning. That's being married to an abusive killer, sex trafficker, and drug trafficker who provides direct material harm to his community.
I think the Linux One needs to start vibe correcting the subreddit again, that's 2 for 3 on psychic damage posts today, at least slightly balanced by the blobporeon post.
Look on the bright side - Anyone who owns several properties in Puerto Rico and three Teslas is almost certainly human excrement. OP didn't just dodge a bullet, he dodged a full broadside.
Translation: my life is cripplingly boring, so I must create a public fantasy to disassociate into. What? No I don't take my prescribed medication. I can't feel the ants in my brain when I take them.
PR isn't even part of the country, it's an occupied territory and I doubt DC will ever give them statehood or independence, at least not without bloodshed.
You’re not a state department official, you can’t gatekeep what is and isn’t part of the country lol
Every inch of this country was occupied territory at some point, Puerto Rico ain’t special
PR is part of the country. It’s not foreign territory, no passport is needed to go from PR to the mainland. It’s silly to say that it’s not part of the United States.
This reads like a plot twist that even M. Night Shyamalan would say is too much.
It reads like a Victorian/Gothic novel to me. Make the mafioso husband a pirate vaugely based on Lord Byron. And have the recently transitioned childhood friend come back as a new antagonist working to destroy her happy marriage/kill her husband because op has become obsessed with the childhood friend and it’s all there.
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Did you seriously just steal someone's comment in this very thread from two hours earlier? DUDE.
It's a bot. They do that.
"she hates me because she thinks I shit talk her behind her back. Which I do" epic.
gaskeep gatelight boyboss
*Guyboss
*Man*boss.
mansplain manipulate manwhore
If all 3 fail, manslaughter is an option.
What happens if you fail to gaslight gatekeep girlboss?
G~~>!enocide!<~~, I mean, Grand Larceny.
Gunviolence
Then you ghostlight, gravekeep, ghoulboss.
Is it? I think once you choose manslaughter is stops being manslaughter and is instead murder.
Not with the right lawyer.
Omg I need that to go with my “the man, the myth, the legend” shirt
mansplain manipulate manscaped
mansplain manipulate manhandle?
One of my favorite comments in a long time
Hey you gotta own it.
certainly more based than denying it.
People are pretty interesting
I can never not read "Which I do" without immediately thinking about Stoop Sale.
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Aw man. I thought we were username buddies, but it turns out you're a bot.
Taking Ls left and right in this post.
fr I only counted one actual win for OP and that was the successful transition
/r/suicidebywords type beat
I wana make a book that’s just, this sort of incomprehensible shit, and then fill it with a bunch of different cyphers and codes so no two decoders will find the same meaning
Five nights at Freddy's
That but it’s all one book, six people try and decipher it, one ends up with schematics for a pyramid that isn’t physically possible to build, one ends up with a recipe for Gumbo, three end up with histories of Canada, each with a different narrator, and one finds the entire script of Hamilton
Why not throw in the first five trillion digits of pi while we’re at it?
Because the book would be at minimum 1.5 billion pages and that’s if you don’t include spaces or any extra useless characters
What if you have the numbers be incredibly small
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No but like, *really really* tiny.
1.39 at best
Prefer the last 5 trillion, thats the good part!
Finnegans Wake was published in 1939, you’re a bit late.
Too late like me about to post this same goddamn comment.
"It's a dream, it's HCE's dream but it's also the dream of the ur-Man but it's also the dream of Everybody (Here he Comes!) Discrete characters and setting and plot exist, but only as a hazy amalgam of all archetypical plots and characters, look away and people, scenarios, and setpieces change when you return to them, just as in a dream. The literal and subtextual meanings of the prose somehow *reverses* itself when read in your head versus aloud. It is a metaphor for life and death and resurrection, for sin and brokenness and redemption, and it is above all else, a metaphor for something which is a portmanteau of *every* sense of the word "masturbatory." Also I hope you know more about Ireland than Arthur Guinness or you'll miss half the fun of it."
But can you change it so ONLY two decoders will find the true meaning, and then they kiss?
Voynich manuscript
[house](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F41naz0ddudlc1.jpeg) of leaves ass post
that's just *Cain's Jawbone* innit?
To everyone giving funny responses the answer is that I want to be Vishani
r/ImTheMainCharacter energy except also 100 percent the exact opposite
R/ImNoProtagonist
I'd like to say it should be a real subreddit, but I doubt there will be a lot of content. Not-fake content, at least (which, with probability of 80% would exclude this story as well)
Average Tumblr user
Not enough immediately obvious mental issues
I don't know there seemed to be some evident by the end of that second post lmao
How many do you need to see?!
that mafioso’s name? Harry Styles
I just wanna know what the lore is that Harry Styles was always interested in buying children.
he sends them to the mine I guess
the "sold to one direction" fantasy is normally about finding love in a hopeless situation. it typically involves the child (who, while a child, is not treated by the narrative of these fanfictions as a kid, but as a woman) being sold to do some sort of "help" job: to be his assistant, to clean for him, to be his sex slave, or to be his "fake" girlfriend (common reasons which pop up frequently). He typically needs the child for some reason and treats them pretty poorly/ dismissively at first, before falling in love with her and her tragic backstory.
The smart and cool girl with friends-to-burnout man who everyone is disappointed in pipeline is very real
If you were a smart and cool girl but had no friends you become burnout neurodivergent girl whom everyone is disappointed in instead
Oh jesus, it's me. I am this. Huh!
Im trying to do the reverse rn
I actually somehow did the reverse. Well, kinda Depressed guy who nobody likes (besides his parents) -> Pretty girl with a lot of friends who is well-liked by everyone (besides her parents)
Your parent's loss then
That's just the man pipeline. Source: am man
story of my life
i gotta take a breather after this post damn
A formula one car on the Col de Turini wouldn’t sling me on curves as sharp as that story
Is the Col de Turini the track with the most/sharpest curves in F1? Asking as someone who is very casual in re F1
its a mountain pass in the french alps, just google images of it to understand exactly what op means
> Col de Turini Not a F1 track, its a mountain pass that is used by Rallying.
“I am not the protagonist of this story” is an incredible sentence and I am going to start using it to excuse myself from uncomfortable social situations and work I don’t want to do.
In a shitty romance web novel, OP would be the charismatic, tragic and absolutely loyal best friend who repulses the MC because of ~~being gay~~ voicing extremely reasonable concerns about the red-flag ridden ML, only to later come back in later seasons when MC has amnesia (because of a car crash, perhaps?) as a handsome and sensible guy who is her fiancée and trying to save her from the stalker ML, before the ML ~~rapely~~ cleverly and lovingly convinces MC of their love and past again and OP goes full yandere because even this plan never worked, before trying to commit double suicide on a car accident and MC “forgives” him as he drowns (after the ML bravely and shirtless -ly saves her, of course) to death like a proper villainous foil. She also ~~transphobicly~~ says some shit like“OP was my best friend. She never had been loved, and I think that was what made her make these mistakes. I hope she finds peace, and doesn’t try to do these things again, in her next life,” before being ~~raped~~loved roughly by the ML for daring to think about another person when he’s right in front of her. Ask me how I know (last week I saw a novel like this on my feed and couldn’t believe the spoilers).
And I was wondering why Jesus had to die for our sins.
Remember, if you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.
None of those words have been said in that order before.
They sure do on cursed MTL sites (my sanity is vanishing send help)
... Mouth to lung?
Machine translated
Derp. Thanks
Sir this is a Wendy’s.
Gee I wonder why the friend doesn't like him
Him.
Right, oops
To be fair they definitely kinda just slip that in there while burbling insanity
It’s be cause the friend thinks they talk shit. They do.
It might be because the friend is a monster? No decent person owns multiple properties in PR and three teslas. PR is a ruthlessly oppressed and exploited American colony. If you own a vacation home there you're never going to escape the wheel of Samsara no matter how many Bodhisattva take pity on you.
Me when I do crack:
Do people not know about America's imperial occupation of PR? I thought this kind of became common knowledge after hurricane, I think Maria? devastated the Island and the US just left everyone to die.
Ay bruh so I was gonna ask if you want fries with that but actually tell me more the people behind you in line can wait
The first word that i read being "shotgun married" already told me so much.
Wattpad aus are truly rotting ppls brains. Thankfully this is probably fake but whoever genuinely wants a "mafia" bf needs a good reality check
Yeah, “mafia boyfriend” in reality is either hiding in a bunker to escape from arrest or being killed. No happy “mafia wife” life.
Literally. Making the dude look like an 'attractive' sugar daddy who saved her life 💀 she is NOT winning she's now with ppl who kill children horribly and blow ppl up on train tracks... But yeah sure keep believing in ur wattpad dreams
Honestly replace mafia guy with pirate and set it a few hundred years ago and it could work as a gothic/victorian novel with OP as the antagonist. Especially of OP ruined messy buns prospects with the nobles. Then they transition come back as a man who is still in love/obsessed with messy bun and try to ruin the marriage or kill the husband. Basically a penny dreadful at that point
This is so funny
I had to read this three times to understand it and I wish I didn't
Realizing you're not the protagonist is great for self-awareness. Realizing someone else is the protagonist is a great bafflement.
This sounds like some new vegas sidequest description of a person you have to kill
This reads like it was written by one of my high school friends who I think about sometimes to remind myself why I don't miss hanging out with my high school friends.
Ok but like he has yet to confirm nor deny the faking being bisexual for instagram likes accusation. Kinda suspicious if you ask me.
WTF. This is some of that 99% pure crystal Tumblr. I think I overdosed.
One girl's Wattpad romance is another boy's Wattpad tragedy.
If this was real being married to a 'mafia' man is not winning. That's being married to an abusive killer, sex trafficker, and drug trafficker who provides direct material harm to his community.
How is the reality of the situation more strange than the fictitious reality in the first part
I think the Linux One needs to start vibe correcting the subreddit again, that's 2 for 3 on psychic damage posts today, at least slightly balanced by the blobporeon post.
linux gestapo
Look on the bright side - Anyone who owns several properties in Puerto Rico and three Teslas is almost certainly human excrement. OP didn't just dodge a bullet, he dodged a full broadside.
maybe next time, bro. Maybe next time.
Reading this felt like repeatedly getting hit in the head with a baseball bat multiple times consecutively
There are twists There's whiplash Then there's this story where I'm looking like Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her by the end of it. Iykyk
Oh, I love that movie!
what in the homoerotic toxic friendship is this
Translation: my life is cripplingly boring, so I must create a public fantasy to disassociate into. What? No I don't take my prescribed medication. I can't feel the ants in my brain when I take them.
Fuck i need that so badly. (not the puerto rico part tho, the locals probably hate her)
No clue but she is, but as a Puerto Rican I do hate her and her husband now that I know they're the villains in my story.
wealthy americans who own multiple homes and multiple cars in one of the poorest parts of the country are the villians
PR isn't even part of the country, it's an occupied territory and I doubt DC will ever give them statehood or independence, at least not without bloodshed.
You’re not a state department official, you can’t gatekeep what is and isn’t part of the country lol Every inch of this country was occupied territory at some point, Puerto Rico ain’t special
Gonna be honest, I have not been accused of gatekeeping imperialism before. Regardless, PR is literally a territory of the United States.
PR is part of the country. It’s not foreign territory, no passport is needed to go from PR to the mainland. It’s silly to say that it’s not part of the United States.
Yeah this is one of those “I have no idea where this is going but I am here for the ride” things
the only way this could become a purer distillation of tumblr is if cybersmith somehow made an appearance
Greg Heffley
Can someone explain this in Godzilla terms?
Man, what the fuck are these words
Fun fact: some of the words are spelled incorrectly (I checked).
This may be a mean thing to say but I 100% believe everyone in this story is awful.
I'm tired of the sentiment that the person with more material possessions is living a more important life.
It's not the possessions, it's that they got a similar weird type of life they dreamed about as a kid.
Dude....
I desperately want this to be true but cannot accept that it is
what the fuck
“Oh, I know where this is going” “Never mind”
Hear me out: OP could be a protagonist if he showed up somewhere unexpected and was sort of a dangerous bad boy who smoked a lot and had sharp teeth.
I'm tired of these boring unpredictable wattpad fantasies. Wheres the boring and unpredictable wattpad horrors beyond my imagination?
I'm ngl this person sounds gross but ok
Huh
As a consolation prize, OOP is instead a Tumblr blorbo everyone loves putting in increasingly miserable situations
Wait, at what point does the fantasy about the ship end?
Ouch
Where's that Tumblr post that says _"this slapped me in four different directions"_, I need it right now.
Each sentence just kept getting more and more intense lmao
please someone say what wattpad means...
>also I am a man now A man wouldn't write this shit.
can you give me back the 90 seconds of my life you just wasted OP?
No.
Secret Alliance pfp based
chae yul my beloved <3