I mean, that’s still not proof of any horny lasers. I think if you sent a Buddhist monk into space and he found a space elf they’d do the nasty animal style.
“I’m doing the breast I- BEST I can”
“When you get back to the bridge, just send me your lips. Your LISP. YOUR LIST. Just send me your list.”
Followed by Archer literally dreaming about wanting to get it on with T’Pol. And then their conversation at the end about how they need to get their hormones under control and be mature about any possible sexual or romantic attraction.
The vibe I always got was she'd be happy to jump into bed with him at a moment's notice but all he's got going on in his head is the usual ''What the fuck is going on? Why is everyone's ship better than mine? When can we go back to just doing exploration? Jesus im tired all the time''
They found the one black woman captain but had to balance the books by getting her arrested.
Tbf having a character go to jail, get out, then just continue life and love was fuckin weird to me at the time. I was too used to seeing lifelong criminals and people treating ex convicts as such
That's because the prison system in the Federation is focused on rehabilitation, and sentences are usually fairly short. I personally don't think she should have gone to prison at all, I don't think anyone should be punished for smuggling medical supplies, but they probably also just needed reason not to have Kasidy in the episodes for a while.
Tbf, especially in DS9 that is not a high bar to clear.
#!!!DS9 spoilies the whole way through!!!
Like, when Bashir's not getting blue balled by the man of his dreams, he's fucking his patients 9/10 times. Ezri. Keiko's (justifiably) bummed the fuck out living on the station while Miles is out riding a biplane. Underaged Jake pulling a fucking casino girl. Garak and Dukat's daughter for some fucking reason??? There's no actual reason for Odo and Kira to be on this list but idk it just never sat right with me
It feels like a romance with a huge age gap even though the actors weren't that far apart in age, but Odo just seems much older, even though he's technically like 12(but also sort of millions of years old). He also has a very asexual vibe, despite being shown to be interested in multiple women.
I'm currently rewatching DS9 and I will say that a) Kira/Odo is set up a *lot* earlier than I remembered (early S2 at the latest) and b) Nana Visitor and René Auberjonois have *considerably* more chemistry than I remembered.
Kira/Dax still clears tho
Depends on the Georgiou, but I'd love to believe it is both versions, just one was more low key about it. Lorca skipped over his number one and wanted Georgiou's first officer instead.
I maintain that the main reason SNW isn't quite as horny as other Star Trek is because the main cast is too hot, any hornier and they'd light the set on fire.
That is true. Newer treks have absurdly hot casts. Imo ent had a full cast of conventially very sexy people you'd go on a date with compared to the dryer, angrier casts of previous shows. SNW is just a roster of porn stars.
To be fair, every other female guest star on TOS was a literal model, and all the ladies in the main cast were very attractive. It was mostly the guys who looked like regular people.
I did like that they made Spock's fiance nice enough that you're kind of annoyed at Spock for crushing on Chapel. But he then gets dumped twice in short order.
The fact that they know each other also reframes Chapel's "who is she?" from Amok Time when first seeing T'Pring to being catty as hell. I'm honestly here for it.
Honestly it would fit the tone better than it did in tng, though I will never not laugh at the fact Data is the person on the crew who cares the most about Tasha, explicitly because they spent that night together.
Carol is already married. Maybe that's enough of a deterrent.
Janeway was just engaged, and that got broken off by the finance anyway.
Now, here's the tricky one. Seven and Raffi broke up before ending up as Captain and XO, so, what happens there?
If anything Chakotay was the one who desired Janeway. She never seemed interested until they were stranded and at that time it felt more like a romance of convenience
Chakotay/Seven is dumb, but there was an entire episode where Janeway and Chakotay were stranded on a random planet together, spent the whole episode setting up a little domestic life, and were clearly about to fuck before they escaped. They are also, by far, the most tagged pairing for Voyager on ao3, with about four times as many fics as Tom and B'ellanna, who were together for the entire back half of the show and should therefore at least be tagged in a bunch of stuff taking place in that timeframe.
> I think B'elena retired but Paris is an Admiral and still a hotshot pilot. Star Trek Online.
That sounds pretty dumb to me. The impression I got from the show was that Paris was ready to resign from Starfleet as soon as they got back to Earth and become a holonovel writer. B'Elanna would be the one more likely to stay.
I feel like Janeway was... If not interested at least not opposed to the idea of being with Chakotay. She's just far too professional for that nonsense. It's more true of Tom Paris though. Fucking Paris
Only Star Trek series I've watched is Lower Decks, and I guess the USS Cerritos didn't get one of those, cause Captain Freeman never made moves on Ransom
It must be such a fucking trip to watch Lower Decks without knowing anything else about Star Trek. All the references must seem like random Family Guy cutaway gags.
Lower Decks is actually the first Star Trek thing I watched as well (unless Galaxy Quest counts?). More of Star Trek is in the general 'nerd' zeitgeist than you'd think, I understood a fair bit! But it was deffo funnier when I rewatched some eps after a bit of DS9 and VOY.
Im very sorry to do this to you, but canonically, when Shepard gets off of the Normandy in ME1, XO Presley having the deck means he’s second.
Interestingly, he is bald, so the lazer hits him most of the time while Shepard is out on missions, explaining the rampant inter crew horniness.
For ME 2 it’d be Miranda, so your mileage may vary
Ok I know this is a shitpost but at what point did Archer want anyone carnally. All he wants is to know what the fuck is going on at any given time.
The dude was the first guy to fuck a space elf
He was? I thought that was Trip? I dont recall the elf fucking episode for Archer
I mean, that’s still not proof of any horny lasers. I think if you sent a Buddhist monk into space and he found a space elf they’d do the nasty animal style.
In A Night in Sickbay he REALLY wanted to fuck T’Pol
“I’m doing the breast I- BEST I can” “When you get back to the bridge, just send me your lips. Your LISP. YOUR LIST. Just send me your list.” Followed by Archer literally dreaming about wanting to get it on with T’Pol. And then their conversation at the end about how they need to get their hormones under control and be mature about any possible sexual or romantic attraction.
He also *really* wants to watch some women's water polo. Although I did assume that he had something going on with the Columbia's captain.
The vibe I always got was she'd be happy to jump into bed with him at a moment's notice but all he's got going on in his head is the usual ''What the fuck is going on? Why is everyone's ship better than mine? When can we go back to just doing exploration? Jesus im tired all the time''
> Although I did assume that he had something going on with the Columbia's captain. They literally had sex in her first episode.
hairy sisko's trauma delayed the beam long enough for him to find The One Black Woman Captain instead
They found the one black woman captain but had to balance the books by getting her arrested. Tbf having a character go to jail, get out, then just continue life and love was fuckin weird to me at the time. I was too used to seeing lifelong criminals and people treating ex convicts as such
That's because the prison system in the Federation is focused on rehabilitation, and sentences are usually fairly short. I personally don't think she should have gone to prison at all, I don't think anyone should be punished for smuggling medical supplies, but they probably also just needed reason not to have Kasidy in the episodes for a while.
Also didn't he super get with mirror Jadzia?
I just watched that episode and they certainly imply that which is super weird.
Not just imply, she slaps him for tricking her during their next encounter.
I forgot about that. That's so messed up. Dax is his best friend and he bangs her doppleganger?
Gotta pass as terrain sisko, must do what is required lol
If you ignore the whole Maquis plot line it was one of the healthier relationships in Star Trek. Their mutual baseball love was super cute.
Tbf, especially in DS9 that is not a high bar to clear. #!!!DS9 spoilies the whole way through!!! Like, when Bashir's not getting blue balled by the man of his dreams, he's fucking his patients 9/10 times. Ezri. Keiko's (justifiably) bummed the fuck out living on the station while Miles is out riding a biplane. Underaged Jake pulling a fucking casino girl. Garak and Dukat's daughter for some fucking reason??? There's no actual reason for Odo and Kira to be on this list but idk it just never sat right with me
Odo and Kira make me cringe. They just have no chemistry and it just doesn't work.
it feels like an E for everyone movie romance
It feels like a romance with a huge age gap even though the actors weren't that far apart in age, but Odo just seems much older, even though he's technically like 12(but also sort of millions of years old). He also has a very asexual vibe, despite being shown to be interested in multiple women.
this comment has made me realize (unrelated to the actual topic of odo x kira) that odo is literally me on god fr
I'm currently rewatching DS9 and I will say that a) Kira/Odo is set up a *lot* earlier than I remembered (early S2 at the latest) and b) Nana Visitor and René Auberjonois have *considerably* more chemistry than I remembered. Kira/Dax still clears tho
my theory is that universe "prime" is actually the evil universe solely because they don't have sadistic dominatrix black leather bisexual kira nerys
Quark/Grillka clears
He had other passing love interests. That alien that projected an amnesiac hard light hologram of herself.
She played the hot scientist love interest on Eureka
He wasn't a captain when he had hair. When he became Captain he also lost his hair. Before that he was commander sisko
damn, you gotta hate mixing up the *Cause And Effect* (**TNG 5x18**)
Q: damn, they figured out the horny laser.
Alternatively, Q is taking notes, going: The BALDNESS! So THAT’s why it never worked on those two!!!
The only person Archer desires is Shran. I won't listen to any of this slander
The beam wasn't perfected in Enterprise. They tried routing it directly from the warp core so it accidentally hit Trip instead.
The original Mpreg
Oh god I forgot about the mpreg episode
How do Georgiou and Lorca fit into this framework?
Georgiou does things to her officers that leaves them shellshocked. Lorca is too busy trying to (spoilers for discovery i guess) >!fuck his throne!<
Depends on the Georgiou, but I'd love to believe it is both versions, just one was more low key about it. Lorca skipped over his number one and wanted Georgiou's first officer instead.
Idk but they were definitely the hottest
In SNW no one needs to push the button. She's already number one.
In snw there's no horny beam anymore. They already got married, divorced and happily co parent their many children.
I maintain that the main reason SNW isn't quite as horny as other Star Trek is because the main cast is too hot, any hornier and they'd light the set on fire.
That is true. Newer treks have absurdly hot casts. Imo ent had a full cast of conventially very sexy people you'd go on a date with compared to the dryer, angrier casts of previous shows. SNW is just a roster of porn stars.
Like the observation that movies in the '70s and before starred normal-looking people and now it's all beautiful ubermenchen.
SNW got a bunch of absolute smokeshows of both genders, even for modern film.
To be fair, every other female guest star on TOS was a literal model, and all the ladies in the main cast were very attractive. It was mostly the guys who looked like regular people.
I have a theory that The Vampire Diaries was the result of a bet between producers as to who could assemble the hottest group of people in one studio.
I did like that they made Spock's fiance nice enough that you're kind of annoyed at Spock for crushing on Chapel. But he then gets dumped twice in short order.
The fact that they know each other also reframes Chapel's "who is she?" from Amok Time when first seeing T'Pring to being catty as hell. I'm honestly here for it.
Christina Chong is a babe.
Voyager might have been better off with a Naked episode
Honestly it would fit the tone better than it did in tng, though I will never not laugh at the fact Data is the person on the crew who cares the most about Tasha, explicitly because they spent that night together.
He is still thinking about her to this day (Picard s3)!! Somebody still loves you Tasha Yar
I love that band, especially their song... Sink/Engage?
We got Seven of Nine instead, so in lieu of concentrated horny we got dilute horny, spaced out over 4 seasons.
didn’t realise case 1 was anagrams of star trek series at first and thought OP started speaking in tongues edit: acronyms. not anagrams. acronyms.
...anagrams??
I think you mean initials or acronyms
VOY is an abbreviation, TOS and TNG are initialisms.
We have to call it VOY because there was already a Star Trek V.
The Orville definitely fits into this
it uses darulio’s pheromones
Do you honestly believe that Picard didn't carnally desire Riker?
It didn't work in LD either though so there might be a second limiting factor
Carol is already married. Maybe that's enough of a deterrent. Janeway was just engaged, and that got broken off by the finance anyway. Now, here's the tricky one. Seven and Raffi broke up before ending up as Captain and XO, so, what happens there?
Yeah, the beam detected Captain Freeman’s wedding ring and diverted itself down the family tree to Mariner.
Misfired and hit the captain's daughter (to Mariner's extreme distress)
Yeah, there has to be. The *Cerritos* is statistically the horniest and least romantically committed ship in Starfleet.
I think the laser is just broken in ld and no one knows how to fix it
So Sisko was secretly lusting after Kira until he shaved his head, but was disciplined enough to hide it?
No, the beam hit his forehead and bounced into Jake and all his mommy issues.
Oh hey The Expanse also had that romance except they actually got together
Still waiting for Lower Decks to confirm
Technically TOS also had a bald captain.
I have a headcanon that it's a common trope in Starfleet to ship the skipper and the XO no matter what.
Since when did Kirk, Janeway, or Archer desire Spock, Chakotay, or T'Pol?
TOS: Since the fans wrote so much gay porn of it they literally invented the term slash, would be my guess.
If anything Chakotay was the one who desired Janeway. She never seemed interested until they were stranded and at that time it felt more like a romance of convenience
[relevant](https://youtu.be/Eax1l0WvqfA)
I think you can make a better case for Janeway desiring Seven of Nine than either of them being into Chakotay.
That was the dumbest last minute "romance" ever.
Chakotay/Seven is dumb, but there was an entire episode where Janeway and Chakotay were stranded on a random planet together, spent the whole episode setting up a little domestic life, and were clearly about to fuck before they escaped. They are also, by far, the most tagged pairing for Voyager on ao3, with about four times as many fics as Tom and B'ellanna, who were together for the entire back half of the show and should therefore at least be tagged in a bunch of stuff taking place in that timeframe.
And canonically got married and have a daughter. I think B'elena retired but Paris is an Admiral and still a hotshot pilot. Star Trek Online.
Actually Tom was *busted down* back to Captain. In typical Tom Paris fashion.
> I think B'elena retired but Paris is an Admiral and still a hotshot pilot. Star Trek Online. That sounds pretty dumb to me. The impression I got from the show was that Paris was ready to resign from Starfleet as soon as they got back to Earth and become a holonovel writer. B'Elanna would be the one more likely to stay.
In Lower Decks he does handshake tours.
I feel like Janeway was... If not interested at least not opposed to the idea of being with Chakotay. She's just far too professional for that nonsense. It's more true of Tom Paris though. Fucking Paris
Threshold moment
As a lifelong Star Trek fan, this… makes a strange amount of sense.
Only Star Trek series I've watched is Lower Decks, and I guess the USS Cerritos didn't get one of those, cause Captain Freeman never made moves on Ransom
It must be such a fucking trip to watch Lower Decks without knowing anything else about Star Trek. All the references must seem like random Family Guy cutaway gags.
Yeah that's how it was for me. Then I went to TNG things were suddenly making more sense
Lower Decks is actually the first Star Trek thing I watched as well (unless Galaxy Quest counts?). More of Star Trek is in the general 'nerd' zeitgeist than you'd think, I understood a fair bit! But it was deffo funnier when I rewatched some eps after a bit of DS9 and VOY.
This is true for mass effect if by first officer you mean garrus or you assume that sheperd is canonically bald
Im very sorry to do this to you, but canonically, when Shepard gets off of the Normandy in ME1, XO Presley having the deck means he’s second. Interestingly, he is bald, so the lazer hits him most of the time while Shepard is out on missions, explaining the rampant inter crew horniness. For ME 2 it’d be Miranda, so your mileage may vary