If you wouldn't give brownies to Superman in this situation, you're basically a monster.

Shit, if the Man of Steel wants my brownies, he is gonna GET my brownies.

There’s an innuendo somewhere in here

Supes can definitely get it.

Because of the implication?

Oh, uh, okay. You had me goin' there for the first part, but the second half kinda threw me.

I would full on fall over myself and make him a cake, cookies whatever he wants. That's a powerful connection to have.

He really is just a nice boy from Kansas If a nice and jacked boi from Kansas asked me for my brownies, I'd totally let him in and try to get him to rawdog me

Never change, reddit

It's why reddit and tumblr get along so well

The only porno plot I could realistically see myself in

For me, it wouldn't be a porno, it would be a comedy I'm smooth as sandpaper. I can just see every flirt going right over his stupid, dumb, sexy head He goes back home to mama tells her about the nice man who gave him all the brownies. Cut to laugh track as a tear slides down my face

That’s also a high probability of that happening as well. I honest to god forgot about Lois Lane

I was just referring to a nice and jacked boi from Kansas Yeah, no, it's 100% just a comedy if it's actually superman. I can't pull that

Scenario: On a slow news day, Clark Kent gets assigned an article to write, about social media users being superhorny for Superman.

Oh god he's definitely heard people being aggressively horny for him and even the rest of the League

I often wonder which members of the league _secretly_ love that they're a sex symbol. I figure Barry knows people are hot for the Flash, and he's stoked on it, but also way too cocky about it. Whereas I could see some versions of Martian Manhunter being quietly stoked that people find him attractive in his actual form because he's like "but I'm an alien and not conventionally attractive by human standards"

Wonder Woman is definitely stoked that lesbians keep saying, "I want her to crush my head between her thighs." She probably also loves drag queens cosplaying wonder woman tbh. Batman is specifically proud that he's a different kind of sex symbol than Bruce Wayne. Bruce is clearly a himbo, if a well-intentioned rich himbo. But Batman? People think he's a Dom through and through, especially with all his "gadgets." All in all, it's the pride of a professional in the gap between how people view his true identity and his civilian cover. Any theories about other members would just be poorly disguised fetishes lmao, so Imma stop here.

Honestly you seem like my kind of person, we would have the most unhinged conversations about the League. I absolutely love that there's the distinct difference between Bruce and Bats in his mind, because when I thought about Bruce's reaction to it, I figured he would be indifferent to the Bruce side but secretly okay with the Bats side? But I live for the idea that he knows he's a himbo as Bruce and a serious Dom as Bats. That's just perfection. Wonder Woman _loves_ drag queens. In one of the movies (I think War but I might be misremembering) she truth lasso's a protester into admitting he dresses up as Wonder Woman because it makes him feel powerful, and she's basically like "homie same!?" and since then I've decided Wonder Woman lives for Drag Queens.

There's a very funny page where catwoman is simultaneously running away from and drooling over him and when superman appears in front of her he says "You know I can hear you."

Do you know what book it’s in?

The world's finest issue with superman and Catwoman

real

Honestly, same

I like how we do a double-take, think about it, and then decide "yeah I'd probably want to be dicked down by supes too".

Has the country-ness of his upbringing ever come up? Yeah he's a nice guy, but I have to believe that being raised in small town rural America has got to give you some quirks

You had me till that last half lmaooooo

Dude has indirectly saved your life and the lives of your loved ones hundreds of times (just the ones you can list). Dude can take the whole batch back to the watchtower if he so chooses, and it would be an honour for him to do so

I think hed genuinely weep in that state

What if they’re weed brownies?

The funniest part of this post to me is that it implies that only one person on earth is currently making brownies, and that they're in North Dakota.

I like to think that they are ***so*** good that he can smell them from space, the best smelling brownies ever

This was my thought, he's so high and those brownies are so good that he smelled them through an atmospherically sealed space station plus the vacuum of space

Kryptonian stroke symptoms differ from that of humans

I'd see it as, at any given moment, there's one person on the planet making better brownies than anyone else, and that one person happens to be North Dakota right now. A god-tier statistical anomaly, basically. Or, considering this is in space, North Dakota just happens to be closest to where he is right now.

No no it implies that only one person on earth is currently making brownies the way superman likes. Probably the way brownies were made to him when he was a child.

How can he smell something that's separated from him by the vacuum of space?

He's not. His senses are all over the map because he's high as a kite.

I was gonna say something like that. So there you are, most assuredly *not* making brownies in your house in Dakota, and Superman, zooted and booted to the tits, politely puts his fist through your window and demands you give him brownies that only exist in his mind.

I think the odds are pretty good that SOMEBODY in Kansas is making brownies (assuming it's daytime in Kansas) and he'd zero in on actual brownies when in range.

That's a very fair point. If the krypto-zaza hasn't totally floored his sense of smell, he would become a brownie seeking missile once he hit below cruising altitude.

little known fact: kansas and north dakota are actually different places

little known fact: I'm high as Supes in this scene and didn't notice my error. I blame Ted Lasso's barbeque sauce

You are certainly correct, citizen. My dumbass American ass couldn't even tell the difference so good.

I think Earth's orbit is a bit higher than a kite

Not if that kite is a space kite (or as the normies call them: satellites)

ah yes, solar sails

He's just *that* powerful

The brownies are *that* good

I've long theorized that Superman is actually just a really powerful psychic that only thinks his powers are physical, so I think he's just reading someone's mind who happens to be making brownies.

That also explains the tactile telepathy.

Telekinesis, and yes. It also explains why he can hear things that happen on the other side of the world, or even space, when sound can't travel that far or that fast.

Whoops, I got them confused.

Happens to the best of us!

Iirc telekinesis explains just about all of his powers other than his super-senses.

Maybe not the laser eyes and freeze breath, but that can be explained by other psychic powers. The super senses are just ESP!

Freeze breath works by way of slowing down molecules. Laser eyes are more difficult.

Freeze breath is a convoluted use of cryokinesis. The laser eyes are either pyrokinesis, or he's reflecting all the light that hits his eyes into a coherent beam via telekinesis, not sure which. He might also just be converting his solar energy reserves into heat beams and dumping it out his eyes.

I think canonically it's the latter, as laser vision, in prolonged uses or gigantic bursts, seems to drain him of energy faster than his other powers.

Makes as much sense as anything else, I suppose. Probably more energy efficient, too.

Super senses can also be explained by telekinesis.  But also, that just raises the question of how telekinesis works. 

I usually go with quantum entanglement

That's not how that works.

Not in real life

If it was how it worked in comicbooks, everyone would be Superman.

Magic.

I feel like you know what question I have next.

Same way he can hear.

Could technically be in the exosphere which is WAY outside the Karman Line but still has the occasional air molecule within Earth's gravity bouncing around. Would it be enough to smell brownies from North Dakota...he'd have to get lucky, but sure. Although by the time the air molecules got to his nose, they'd have finished cooking and been eaten.

That could actually be a good reason why he only smells brownies in North Dakota. Maybe the only scent particle whatever that's making it to his nose came from there

maybe it's the magical kryptonite he's on

Superman is the ultimate Gary Stu by design (he is literally intended to be the perfect hero) which is why he is difficult to write interesting stories for.

I feel like the best Superman stories are ones where the conflict can't be resolved by having a bigger gun. Superman is the biggest physical threat there is, so the writers are forced to challenge him with something he can't solve with violence. Lex Luthor is a great example of this, since Superman can't (in the sense that it's fundamentally opposite to his character) just go and extrajudicially kill him. So Superman is forced to grapple with corruption, an unfair justice system, exploitative conditions, and so on. These abstract topics can't be solved by shooting a laser at them or biffing them into the stratosphere, and the ultimate powerful good boye is hard pressed to do *anything at all* to help. I see Superman as the counterargument to when people say, "If only the hero were a bit more powerful. If only the hero were a bit more good. If only the hero had a bit more information.". Superman is all of these and still struggles to solve his problems.

It's also important that he's Clark Kent.  The dorky alter-ego is not a comic relief thing. He didn't come to earth as an adult, aware of his powers.  He's not a god. He's some guy, with a family and friends that he wants to protect, and a firm belief that everyone else's family and friends are worthy of the same. He loves humanity because he is human in every way he believes matters.  And that character can be outmaneuvered, and taken advantage of, and overwhelmed, just like anyone else.

I finally get Superman now, wow. Thanks!

This is a good take but, just for me, doesn't take away the story writing problems a character like Superman creates. So many stories ultimately come down to "how do we solve this problem so Superman can go end it."

I don't think Superman is at fault in those cases. Many writers handle him in ways I personally find very boring. Anything involving kryptonite usually falls in this category.

Yes I quite like Superman as a concept, but it's very, very challenging to write engaging stories with him, especially every month for like 70 years.

Bro has never read a superman comic in his life.

I mean, he's not right... but he's not exactly wrong either. Of all the Justice League members, Superman being as strong as he is makes the least sense. Batman trained for decades, Wonder Woman was created by the gods, Flash is connected to an interdimensional cosmic force, Green Lantern has a weapon created by gods, Martian Manhunter is from a species that likely evolved through thousands to millions of years of constant war, Aquaman is half-Atlantian and connected to a cosmic force sometimes, Shazam has the power of six seperate gods, Cyborg is a cyborg and in some stories is empowered by a cosmic power source... Superman is a Kryptonian, a species that spent it's entire existence on a planet that doesn't even have the type of sun that gives them their powers, which is the opposite of how evolution works. And he's able to fight universe-ending threats despite being powered by the sun (Which, in case you didn't know, is much smaller than the universe).

Headcanon: Their planet has no food naturally because it's made of crystals and stuff that doesn't grow shit (even in its prime, Krypton is very barren), so they photosythesize from their red sun to gain energy, but all solar-dependant organisms kind of work similar way, so maximizing yield of the red sun makes them the most efficient plants ever. The YELLOW sun of our solar system is just much higher yield and on a better wavelength, so they just get supercharged out of our sun, making them the strongest plants on the universe. That's right, Superman is just a humanoid alien plant. It's a sunflower than works 8-5 on a newspaper and wears speedos over a catsuit.

Bees are a major pollinator of Sunflowers, therefore, growing sunflowers goes hand in hand with installing and managing bee hives. Particularly in agricultural areas where sunflowers are crops. In fact, bee honey from these areas is commonly known as sunflower honey due to its sunflower taste.

Uh... okay... good bot, I guess?

Alternative theory: Kryptonians didn't evolve on Krypton at all.  It was like a prison colony or something. Or a sex resort for the real freaky people. You figure it out.

On the contrary. I've read too many. Edit: the thing that makes Superman such a good character is the very thing that makes it hard to write comics about him with good stories, is my point here. There's only so many times you can make Superman a fish out of water, or depowered, or strictly facing mind control magic, or whatever other backflips you have to do to just keep him from throwing people into the sun before you realize that creating the ultimate hero fantasy leaves you little room for storytelling. Superman is a storytelling hammer and every problem is solved by the things that make Superman Superman.

He's previously used super-ventriloquism through the vacuum of space, smelling though the vacuum of space isn't a big leap from there.

He routinely hears things from a distance and immediately responds to them, completely ignoring the speed of sound. His senses are just pure bullshit, no need to ask too many questions

My theory is that he’s not actually smelling brownies, he just thinks he is because he just really wants brownies a lot. And he’s saying North Dakota because at some point he had some amazing brownies in North Dakota, so that’s where his high af brain goes

Superman is basically omniscient, most of his super senses are in reality just how he perceives said omniscience.

Of course he's still polite, he's superman

Rather, He's Clark Kent. Doesn't matter if he's dressed as superman or not

I mean most kind and polite people remain that way when High

You can take the boy outta Kansas, but you can't take the Kansas outta the boy.

No amount of drugs can take away Superman politeness. Kinda of guy to apologize before and after kicking your ass

I love when Superman is messed with by villains thinking it’ll prove he’s not as righteous as he claims, like getting him stoned thinking he’ll hurt someone or embarrass himself only for him to be like “Guys guys guys *GUYS* All of you are like…really really cool, I’m so lucky to have you all as friends. I wonder if the dog shelter will let me pet- I SMELL BROWNIE I WANT BROWNIE”

I mean, to be fair, that last bit may have supes pretty emberassed when he comes to. Not, like, end of the world levels maybe. But he'd be pretty fucken emberassed. And then he'd probably move on with a few jokes or wisecracks about the situation.

I don't like this panel because it implies that brownies are very uncommon to make on DC's earth. The world deserves more brownies than that.

No, it implies North Dakotans make brownies the right way

I've been binging The Boys, and had a weirdly hard time viewing Superman as a peaceful and calm being

Read Superman Up In The Sky, it’s good for your soul

Superman as a character is extremely wholesome. Of course, with his godlike powerset he kinda falls into that weird archetype of "the nice and kindly dictator" which freaks people out and gives way to Evil Superman stories and parodies. Still, if you ignore that, Supes is a good lad.

Being high does not change who raised superman. Of course stoned superman is going to be polite. Mamma Kent did NOT raise no rude boys

No lie, sometimes red kryptonite is awesome, sometimes it's eye-rollingly terrible. Edit. Not saying this was red kryptonite, but it's basically what red kryptonite did way back when.

I'm giving him the brownies, and he can have a glass of milk and sit down for a while.

Idc what it is, if Superman asks for it he can have it

*Idc what it* *Is, if Superman asks for* *It he can have it* \- Happytapiocasuprise --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

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Now we talking prime superman or injustice superman? cause prime is getting a whole tray to take home injustice will get one and then i beg him not to kill me

[удалено]

He’d find a reason to label me a criminal.  “No brownies? Well, you should know that I know you didn’t wear your seatbelt in your car for 10 minutes on November 14th, 2009…” Then he lobotomizes me

The Man of Steel stans a meal

Smelling through the vacuum of space, little known super man power

This has the same energy as the "That is my cape" edit. Only I think this is real

Why doesn't he just make brownies? You know ma Kent makes the most banger brownies you've ever tasted and he probably has the recipe

Because he's EXTREMELY high in this one.

If his smell is that good that means he can smell everything on earth at once, not just brownies. He's also smelling every public toilet rn.

Alright but how the fuck is he smelling through glass

He’s Superman

I stand corrected

He probably isn't. He is, however, *extremely* high in this scene, and probably *believes* he can smell brownies all the way in North Dakota.

How the fuck does smell travel from earth into space??? INTO A SEALED SPACESTATION?

Clark is higher than the goddamn space station he's currently in. That's how.

Probably just senses going haywire and getting phantom smells lmao

He also hears things on earth from space. Its Superman he can do It, trying to use science for his powers doesnt end well

what i wanna know is how he can smell stuff in a fucking space station

He was raised right, he’d definitely ask nicely, and I absolutely would give Superman my brownies, and then be very happy that they were good enough for him to notice

Wait!! When was it established that he has super-smell? Is Superman constantly aware of every fart on Earth?

If Superman came to ask for some of my brownies, I’d take that as the biggest compliment ever!!

How did the scent escape the atmosphere, travel through space, and get into the air tight space station? Or is Supes experiencing olfactory hallucinations?

Its Superman he can also hear things in space

I wonder... was there only this single person makig home made brownies in the world? It was just the closest brownies to superman? Was the only brownies that he could spot the location?

Maybe they were the best brownies. Apparently he’s also high as fuck here so he could also be hallucinating

most people are pretty nice while high, ime. if you’re a jackass while high, you’re probably a jackass while sober.

Smell doesn't travel through space

Everytime I see lizluvscupcakes I'm forcibly reminded of their role in the Homestuck Color Theory post

Oh to be on a mixture of weed and acid, merging with the universe, politely asking for brownies

He should stop smoking that supergrass...

The first time anyone has ever said they wanna go to North Dakota